Illinois » Glen Ellyn

a week ago yesterday i was experiencing a bit of frustration in the morning working on the van. i was almost done installing the water tank though had to get to one of the plugs that was behind some pieces of wood structure i had built around the tank. i was able to remove one of the panels and squeeze my hand in the very tight space to get the plug off though i was unable to get the plug back in. the wood pieces blocking the part were going to be hard to remove, and at first i thought maybe i was going to have to practically take apart everything i had built just to get to the one part. it looked like i could remove just a few of the pieces though the screws were stripped and i couldn’t get to them. i didn’t want to cut the wood or screws to get to them as debris could get inside the fresh water tank, rendering it useless and i’d then need to remove it entirely, meaning taking apart even more of what i had built in the van. i tried placing my friend’s saws-all tool in between the pieces of wood though it was too tight and the blade didn’t move — the whole van shook as the tool itself shook when i pulled the trigger. i was ready to give up on the whole van.. i didn’t want to take everything apart and if i couldn’t have water, then the van build really wasn’t going to work for me. i figured i had messed up or hadn’t had much luck on a lot of other things recently, and maybe this was just another one. the night before we did a powerful kirtan chant and we were asking for what no longer served us to be taken away. i was wondering if the van was one of them at this point, though really hoped it wasn’t. in building the van, there was much frustration along the way, something would always seem to not work out and it was taking far longer than anticipated. previously, i had a lot of other frustration in other projects and not getting what i really wanted in life and i was ready to give up. i was asking the divine something like to either make things work out / make my life enjoyable or to take me off the planet. i was done with suffering and doing endless work that brought me no enjoyable nor fulfillment. i just wanted to be able to enjoy a simple life experience here on earth. a little bit later, i think after i sat for a while and began to accept where i was at, the idea came to me to try to take off the whole wood structure from the other side where it was attached. i didn’t want to take it off from there as it also was difficult to reach and some of those screws were also stripped and i didn’t know if it’d go back in due to the way it was installed. i ended up taking that apart and was able to bend the whole wood frame enough so i could reach the place where i needed to install the plug back in and tighten it. i wasn’t sure if was tight enough as i wasn’t the resistance i expected to (and i didn’t want to keep turning it too much that it’d break the plastic threads), though when i filled it up it didn’t leak. i was able to get the wood frame structure back in place and i now have water in the van.

this past sunday i had another miracle when my friend helped me cut a hole in the roof of the van so i could install a vent. he was either available in the morning or the evening and when we were going to work in the morning, there was a chance of rain forecast. shortly after we cut the hole, i noticed some very dark clouds not too far in the distance, and i still had to finish preparing the hole with a couple layers of touch up paint and then caulk after we cut and filed it. i trusted that the divine was going to work everything out, and was grateful when i felt the wind blowing in a direction that felt like it wouldn’t blow the dark clouds towards me. i was pretty calm and relaxed (probably partially because of going to the powerful workshop the day before), and i did what i had to do to touch up the paint without rushing it or skipping steps, and allowed the drying time it recommended. i was able to get it fully installed and never encountered the rain. i went to the arboretum a little later in the afternoon and got to see some really nice light there. i don’t think it rained that night nor the next day so the caulk had more than the full 24 hours to completely set. despite many frustrations i’ve had in the whole van build, i’m grateful to continue to move forward with it and look forward to the many adventures i’ll have with it.

#yesterday #clouds
 

this morning i woke up early and was laying in bed for a while here at the hotel. my friend had mentioned going to go get breakfast one of these mornings and i was waiting to see if he’d call. i tried calling him after a while to plan out when i could go to his house to do laundry as i’m just about out of clean clothes. i was getting an error message while trying to leave a voicemail so figured i’d talk to him later about it. i went downstairs to get oatmeal for breakfast and came back to my room. i was sitting here for a little while not feeling like going to the office just yet as i was there pretty much all day yesterday. i also wanted to hear back from my frined to plan out my day and when i could do laundry at his house. i laid back down in bed thinking maybe i’d listen to an audio program for a little while as i didn’t feel like going to the office just yet. i think i pulled up the weather app on my phone to see how warm it’d be today and in less than a minute, my friend called. he asked if i wanted to go with him today to get out of the office. when i was about to lay back down in bed or as i did (and was feeling like i was at the office all day and not wanting to go), it felt like maybe i was somehow telepathically talking to a part of him, and that part of him picked up on it. i don’t know that he was aware of it at all.. probably the divine just guided him to call me to see if i wanted to go on the road with him today. or he just felt like it. it feels like this is how a lot of this works. we are all guided by our feelings, intuition, etc. it’s how we communicate with the divine and how the divine communicates with us. and when i woke up today i was wondering if i would have a little miracle to share today or not! i wasn’t feeling one at that point though one came to me shortly after. pondering back on a couple of things that happened yesterday, i could see them as miracles too! miracles are everywhere. the divine is everywhere. all we have to do is simply be open to seeing and experiencing it.

everything begins to work out quite smoothly when you begin to look for miracles in life. my friend had told me to be ready soon though i said i needed a little more time and he said to be ready by 10. when i started typing this after getting out of the shower, it was a little before 10 and i got a text message from him at 10 saying he’d be there in 5 minutes. i finished typing the first paragraph and wanted to use the bathroom before leaving though wasn’t sure if i’d have enough time. i went anyway, and just as i was walking out of the hotel, he was pulling up, right about 10:10. it all worked out perfectly. i had wanted to type up the miracle of what had happened and was able to type up the first part this morning before being in the truck with him (where i didn’t have a chance to). also, i had forgotten to charge my camera last night (as i’ve been shooting short clips for a time-lapse project while up here), and i remembered to plug it in this morning. i didn’t know if it had gotten much of a charge in the short time this morning, though i grabbed it anyway and when i turned it on, it was showing full power.

another recent little miracle was that wednesday night when we were sharing miracles, i felt a little nervous or something, though afterwards i was thanked for sharing or told that my message was inspiring or helpful (and more than once). and when i mentioned how i was feeling, they said it came across well without any signs of what i was feeling.