[2016.08.12] rambling on excitedly about letting go, stepping out of the box, feeling alive, etc… after coming down from feeling energetic (and a bit absurd) in the shower
[2016.07.06] miracles, opening up, authenticity, etc
i experienced some miracles today.. both little ones such as just making it to my car a minute before it started raining, and more important ones such as the whole experience at the satsang at the flowering heart center tonight that was exactly what i needed. i was a little hesitant to share in the beginning when it was starting though the conversation starting going about things related to companionship, loneliness, connecting with others, personalities, etc, etc. near the end Suzanne asked me if i wanted to share when there was a pause as i was still a little slow to say something (though i was feeling i did want to say something at different points during the conversation), and i shared some of what i was going through or struggling with related to connecting with others. i felt a little nervous at first when i first started speaking in front of the group and sharing though i was fine shortly into it and was able to share a couple other pieces after as others responded. it was really beautiful and a miracle that the whole satsang was exactly what i needed to hear without me even asking for it directly. thank you everyone for your sharing and presence! i recorded an audio of myself speaking a bit about this (amongst some other rambling). it’s funny as last night i was just thinking and feeling like recording an audio program where i was just being funny or opening up more, taking on one of the personalities or voices that i used to have fun with a lot, though i didn’t [and it sounds like a bit of this voice started to come out in the beginning of the recording tonight]. it was really perfect how everything unfolded at the satsang tonight and i’m grateful for the experience and for continuing to open up and accept myself as i am and allow my self to express myself in different ways, authentically and enjoyably.
it feels amazing to be on fire again! allow life to flow through you!!
the words “choose to live a life that is inspired rather than forced” came to me recently. this audio recording is an exploration of this and other related ideas.
this weekend at the p&g we were encouraged to share miracles with others. tonight at the flowering heart center in downer’s grove, we each shared a miracle we experienced today or recently. i wasn’t sure about sharing the little miracle i experienced but after i did others seemed to be inspired by it, so i’ve recorded more of the details here. it’s probably a little bit scatterred as i tried to remember exactly what happened. it’s funny how the details can get lost later compared to when we’re living and feeling and experiencing it in the moment.
in the audio recording, i forgot to say that after i made it back to my friend’s office, i got back right at the very same time someone who worked for him was at the office. i had connected with him on the phone a few weeks ago sharing some spiritual perspectives and we had a good conversation. today when we both ‘randomly’ showed up at the same time, he was surprised to see me there, not knowing i was going to be in town. i also found out he no longer worked for my friend. he said he was interested in going to the flowering heart center and couldn’t make it tonight but said he could go wednesday and meet beforehand. we may have never seen each other during the few weeks i’m up here if the divine hadn’t worked out everything for us to both show up there at the same exact time.
i also forgot to mention that when i did hit the gas to start the van, it didn’t idle and stalled right away. the next time we got it started, i had to hold the gas pedal down for a couple minutes just to keep it running. it wasn’t looking too good for the van being able to go anywhere, though the divine wanted it to all work out and it did. sometimes we just gotta let go, surrender, and trust that a higher power is orchestrating all of the pieces and know that it’s all in perfect, divine order. it was beautiful to hear the miracles that others in the community had experienced.
gotta love the energy and the feeling and the letting go… also the repeating numbers, i remember seeing this happening when i was feeling excited recording some of my audio programs last year.. the length of this audio when i hit stop was just under 20 min 18 sec, the time was 1:18, and the file size was 10,111,411 bytes! i love the divine wink (as one of my friends put it)
felt like speaking a bit about surrendering today.. not sure i said everything i wanted to though it was good to record another audio again. it was a bit of a surrendering process to decide to do so and not think too much about it and just allow it to happen. i also wanted to speak a bit about not knowing exactly where i’m going or what i’ll be doing in the near future, though it feels okay. i’m surrendering and trusting and knowing that whatever is right will unfold. i have a few ideas though i’m not getting too attached to exactly what it needs to be. i know it is all going to work out. and i don’t need to know all the details. when i haven’t known exactly what to do, the idea has come to me to work more on letting go.. to make room for whatever is to come next. the old zen or tao perspective comes to mind “when the cup is full, stop pouring”. we’ve got to let go and release what no longer serves us in order to make room for what we do want. if you want something to happen in your life, don’t struggle trying to make it happen or get caught up feeling it needs to or must happen. surrender to the moment instead. if you feel you must do something, put your energy into getting rid of old things, opening yourself up to new perspective, letting go of old beliefs, etc, etc. anyhow, enjoy the audio recording. hope you find it helpful or inspirational and you begin to open yourself up to the greatest aspect of yourself (but surrender the need to do so).