2019 November

here’s everywhere i’ve driven my fiat 500e since i purchased it earlier this year.

technically i’ve had it since the beginning of april, though there were 30 days straight where i didn’t drive it, and another time 7 days straight i didn’t drive it, and other times where i didn’t drive it for multiple days in a row. if you exclude these, this is about half a year’s worth of driving. counting the number of days in my gps data, there are 180 unique days worth of data (though the gps time is in UTC rather than eastern time, so if i come home at night after 7 or 8pm, it counts as a new day.. i’m not going to analyse all the data right now, though i imagine it’s actually less than 180 days worth of driving, as there were likely days i didn’t drive the following day after coming home at night after the new UTC day started at 7pm EST or 8pm EDT).

the total it has cost in electricity to drive a lot in half a year is the same as what it would cost someone with a big inefficient gas or diesel vehicle to fill up their tank just a couple of times. its a bit crazy how much more efficient and cost-effective electric cars are to drive. the average cost per mile has been just over 2 cents, for both electric “fuel” and maintenance.

i think i’m about done with this project of seeing how far one can go in an electric car with small battery. if i really wanted to, i could take it up north or to the midwest. i checked the routes, and there are already enough charging stations along the way to make it. though, i think i’ll wait until i get an electric van so i have more room and can enjoy the drive more easily in a tiny home on wheels.

one of the beauties of spiritual growth is that one’s perception of the world, time, and reality will change. as one finds more peace in life, one will be able to live much more fully in the present moment. as one moves through life and lets go of resistance (and attachment to the past), more depth can be found in the here and now.

i’ve known this (and have been feeling it in more recent times), though its always great to be reminded yet once again. i just realized that something that seemed like it happened months ago only took place six weeks ago. so much more can be felt and experienced more deeply when living more fully in the here and now. experiences can quickly arise and dissolve, allowing more space and energy to experience whatever continues to unfold in this journey we call life. [as we allow things to dissolve (and past experiences (or time) feels more distant than it is), we create the space to move forward more deeply in the presence]

at more profound states, minutes can seem like hours, and one can truly feel (and experience) life with awareness of all the details of the simple yet beautiful experience unfolding in any given moment.

the presence is all around us, and at all times. we simply need to let go of all the doing and thinking that become the blocks to perceiving it.

allow your consciousness to shift, transform, and expand. life is amazingly beautiful as we heal, grow, and evolve.

if it’s not divinely inspired, do you really think forcing it will have any effectiveness?

sometimes to connect with god, all one needs to do is write whatever one is feeling (or start with thinking if you’re not yet feeling it from the heart).

sometimes the path to god is through the pen (or the keyboard). [as one works out whatever one is feeling, one creates the space for the divine to brilliantly shine through]

writing is a form of letting go. [when we surrender, forgive, or otherwise release, we create more space for the divine to fill us]

are these things you are hanging on to really worth more to you than the divine grace that can pour through?

it’s amazing how simple it can be. [yet strikingly just as profound how difficult we can make it]

to feel is to be free.

one of the most challenging circumstances can be to feel (from the heart) when surrounded by so many others whom are engulfed by the mind, though the divine can always be found in any situation or place if one delves deep enough.

i had a lot of good insights or inspiration coming to me this morning before getting out of bed. i wanted to share them though was in the place of where i felt that if i got up to start to type them, then i wouldn’t be in the same place or energy where the words were coming from. and the body was feeling quite tired or exhausted and wasn’t quite ready yet to wake up. after i did get up, i felt i should give some nutrition to the body (and got a juice) and then i could start writing. though i was greeted by ego-based distractions from family. perhaps the divine didn’t want me to share this, or perhaps it was the collective ego didn’t want to hear the inspiration that was related to letting go of the mind / ego. yesterday i went on a very long drive to explore some parts i hadn’t been to and to push the limits of how far i can go in a short range electric car. the whole idea started more for fun to draw lines on the map of where i’d been (using a gps logger i made that’s inside my car, recording everywhere i drive.. which i had done for my last couple vehicles and had found it interesting). it also started inspirationally (if thats even a word) to be able to show others what can be done with a car with a small battery (to help inspire others in the transition to electric vehicles, as they’re better in many ways). though it seems that the mind took over the idea and began to push it further and further. i’ve seen this happen in other creative or technical projects i’ve done (or that others have done). the mind likes to see just how far it can go (we can see this collectively, in how ridiculous some things in the world are today). what i wanted to write about was this, the extent of this, what’s happening, and how true inspiration comes from following the divinely inspired idea, rather than the mind trying to force an idea further. it can be easy to slip into the mind and let it get carried away by the idea or goal. though lots of things could be at play at a deeper level of why this is actually happening. one needs to explore within to find out exactly where these desires from goals are originating, and sometimes (or perhaps often) explore more deeply into where they are really coming from. at some level, it seems that any desire or goal (especially one that has any form of attachment to it) is coming either from a lack, likely some attempted replacement for not having peace or a sense of love (or being loved) in one’s life. in my own life, i recall the times that i was “in love” or felt great or at peace or whatnot, i felt i didn’t need anything else. when one is feeling from the heart or observing from a peaceful place of higher awareness, one is whole and complete (and does not need any of the attachments or desires that the mind might bring). when one is not resting peacefully in the heart or higher awareness, especially if one might be resisting experiencing a feeling or emotion that might have been triggered, one is more prone to slip into the mind (and get caught up the games the ego/mind plays). a simple way to get out of the mind is to go for a walk in nature until you feel more peaceful. surround yourself in nature long enough and you’ll discover the amazing beauty that is all around us at all times. the mind can be a useful tool, though one must not allow the tool to take control. it can be challenging at times, especially if one does work or projects that require lots of use of the mind — which in this case it’s even more important to regularly go to nature, meditate, practice mindfulness, or simply relax in the present moment (and enjoy one’s surroundings without trying to do anything). these days (in modern society) it seems everyone wants to do more and continuously be doing something, whether its in over-working or in finding some distraction (from the present moment) as a form of entertainment. [sometimes one needs to jump into this sort of thing to see what it’s all about, as i seem to have done after having already previously seen this sort of approach to life is not healthy] last night when i was on my way home from the long day, i began to notice the odometer (and realized that it was going to be a milestone in the number of miles i had driven since purchasing in my car) and started to calculate that i could probably do another long (but not all day) drive tomorrow (today) and just make it under that milestone to be able to have those lines on the map as part of it. after i got home last night and showered, i updated the map, looked at the route i had already previously planned, made some adjustments to it, and thought i would go this morning whenever i woke up (but not set the alarm as whenever i do i don’t sleep well, anticipating that i’ve got to be up at a certain time), though as i went to sleep i figured that i’d see how i feel in the morning (even though i was leaning towards going). this morning i woke up early, either from noise or from anticipating the drive or from being exhausted from the long day yesterday [yesterday during the day, i knew it was a long day (and didn’t eat a whole lot during the day) but it didn’t really feel all that bad.. perhaps as part of pushing forward to be able to actualize the goal of doing the drive, the mind was pushing the body and not really feeling the effects until later.. i suppose doing this often is what leads to burnout]. this morning, waking up tired, i knew that i could ‘overcome’ it (or ignore it) and just go if i wanted to, and knew how the mind wanted to do it just so it could say or show that little extra piece as part of the map for this milestone (though looking at at the map i made just over a month ago, i had already added a lot to it… though it seems the nature of the mind is to want some form of ‘more’, though this could just be conditioning that currently exists in the collective). as i laid there in bed, i saw that this could be a good opportunity to choose not to push myself to do another long drive today just because it would fit into a milestone.. when in the grand scheme of things, this little bit won’t really make much of a difference, and if the mind still wanted to keep playing the game of seeing how far it could go, it could easily fit into the map of the next milestone (of time or distance).. and another thing i just noticed is that the mind could easily reword the title of the next one to make it seem more significant.. again, when in the big picture, none of this really matters.. and the important thing to realize is not what the mind can do (we already see many great inventions and accomplishments that the human mind has done in the world), but to know that true inspiration cannot be forced.. the mind trying to effort to accomplish something can only go so far, and it can never be as magnificent as what is truly divinely inspired. and if one is not feeling the inspiration, all one needs to do is to relax (and become present in the here and now) in order to be able to tune into whatever the divine wants to flow through in any given moment, and know whatever it is, big or small, is equally beautiful in its own way (judgment and comparison is another trick of the mind…). even in wanting to write something like this, begin to look more deeply at it and where it’s coming from [yes, it may help others (or provide insight to oneself), though is it fully coming from a place of inspiration, or is there any part of the mind wanting to share its own story?]. with so much of humanity being fueled by these external desires and the obsessive compulsive need to be great in some way, perhaps the best thing one can do to help oneself (and others) is to practice humility and simply observing the world (and whatever arises within it). the story of what one has done is really unimportant. all that really matters is how one is being in the present moment. [as i attempt to write all of this, and wonder if there’s any coherence to it, i look at how i’m being, how i’m feeling (and seeing how feeling tired (and whatever else may be there) is affecting the ability to write] sometimes the lines blur.. between sharing the inspiration and one’s own story/feelings/journey.. the story can help when it helps one connect with another, though when its to show off in any way what one has done or what one can do, it pushes people away [its interesting to see how this sort of thing has shown up lately in the world]. its also one and the same, what is happening individually and collectively, in the mind and in the spirit. its all part of this unfolding experience. while we can speak about what parts are more helpful for one to discover and know the divine, higher awareness, connection, etc, the other parts have their own purpose as well. remember that we have the choice of what we want to collectively experience here. we can collectively choose unconditional love, forgiveness, presence, peace, connection, etc. we can collectively create a beautiful world if we choose to. the more of us that choose to live from higher frequencies of vibration, the more we’ll see it in the world. the world now is in perfect order as its what the collective has been choosing (even with all the chaos, its all a part of the process that is happening now so that we can all grow and expand in new ways.. we need to fully experience and make it through the old in order to get to the new). it is beautiful to see that more and more people are waking up, choosing higher vibrations, and living from a more beautiful place. we are all on the way, even if it seems at times that so many of us are so far behind. we are all getting there. it may go more quickly for some of us than others, though we will all arrive. and the more of us that move quickly and begin to arrive, the more quickly others will begin to awaken, shift, and transform. [it was great to watch this last part flow through quite quickly.. it was a subtle difference in how the words were coming out, though it did feel like those were flowing through more profoundly, without the mind interpreting or remembering or whatnot. that’s a good indication of where one is at any given moment, and where the words or feeling are coming from.. if it flows through more naturally and effortlessly, its coming from a higher place in the present moment. if one is trying to remember, think, or analyze in any way, then its quite likely coming from the story or perspective of the individual self]


rather than follow what others are doing in life, choose to create your own life. you can choose anything you like. and, while it can be helpful to see what unique things others are doing, your experience doesn’t have to look anything at all like anyone else’s. the more of us that break free from following society, the quicker a more beautiful world will unfold.

[the grasp of those trying to control can only work if enough people are buying into the fear they’re selling. let go of what you’ve been told you’re supposed to do, and embrace what your heart is calling you to do.]

life can be as simple, beautiful, and amazing as you allow it (and yourself) to be.

[only the mind makes things overly complex and tries to tell you you’re missing out by not participating in its games. the heart knows a deeper, simpler, more profound truth.]

the mind wanting more is simply a form of it resisting (feeling) what is.

the mind wanting more is simply a form of resistance to feeling what is.

each day spend more time nurturing the heart’s capacity to feeling (rather than the mind’s desires, goals, or activities).

look at how you spend most of your time.. is it in connecting through the heart, or controlling through the mind?

do your influences and surroundings cultivate heartfelt connections, or further perpetuate separation, competition, control, and fears of the mind?

are you one wanting to have it all, or one with all that is?

life and existence can be as easy as simply shifting your focus / attention / energy / thoughts / activities / priorities from what the mind thinks it wants to what the heart knows it feels.

[some unfinished thoughts/writing…]

has anyone awakened to randomly notice how strange some things the ego/mind does really are? perhaps i slipped away into another dimension or samadhi or something during a nap earlier, though recall feeling well and present, and then noticing

it’s interesting, it seems that the further one goes on the spiritual journey (and the less interested one becomes in worldly things), the odder the ‘normal’ things people (have been conditioned to) do seem..

it’s interesting as one expands to higher levels of consciousness that one can notice how much lower vibrations really can affect one’s body or experience. i was feeling well before and then ate some lasagna and it felt + tasted disgusting, especially at first (and thought that i might need to give up eating cheese or dairy altogether). later i had a little more and i didn’t notice it so much.. i must’ve been brought down to the lower energy of processed food and animal products. the lower energies can easily brings us back down.. it may be subtle most of the time that most people don’t notice it, though as one lives from higher levels it becomes more noticeable how drastic the difference really is.

it’s interesting to see how some youtubers have used a series of quick video cuts of details of the small actions in everyday activities. i remember thinking of a project doing this nearly 15 years ago, and its great to see this (and other creativity) showing up now.. [sometimes we just need to receive the inspiration (or create the feeling/intention), completely let it go or forget about it, and then watch it later unfold in the world through someone else]


a good, simple experience to have is to lose one’s sense of what day of the week it is or what month of the year it is. these human constructs keep us in the mind. it can be quite profound to realize one is living in the present moment and doesn’t know “when” it is. when this happens, the mind may want to go looking for clues to determine ‘when’ it is, though that is simply a form of resistance to staying with the presence. to begin to have this sort of experience and new perception, look at what changes you can make in life to let go of the need to do things according to a calendar. modern society likes to give people structure, though this is only to control people through conformity and keep them trapped in the conditioning of the mind. let go of routine. do things you might do on one day of the week on another. change the order you do things in, and be more spontaneous and do random things you might rarely do. little changes like this will begin to free you from the grasp of the mind. if you have certain things in life that you see as obligations or responsibilities you have to do at certain times, look into ways that you can replace those with alternatives that don’t limit you so much. if you’re open to new possibilities, you’ll discover that in most any instance there are other ways to live life that allow you to flow in harmony with the divine presence. and yes, one could find a sense of peace with almost any situation, though, from my own experience, letting go of these external attachments, limitations, and influences allow one to live a more inspired life that is open to more profound experiences.

the simplest truth is often the most profound. [i’m not the first to say this]

as much as technology can help us connect with each other, it can become the biggest distraction that takes us further into the separation of the mind.

do the things (or people) you watch, read, or listen to open your heart, or disconnect you further into the mind?

open your heart. [be free]

sometimes when we’re searching for something but not finding it in the world, all we need to do is open and listen to our heart. [don’t allow the mind’s craving to know (now) become a distraction from the presence]

always return to the present moment.

sometimes all one needs to do to discover higher awareness / truth, is to first work though whatever the little self / ego / mind is facing.

[beneath or through whatever is there (blocking the view), one returns to one’s original nature and allows it to shine through brilliantly]

sometimes i wonder if i should remove all of the writing i’ve posted online. while some is inspirational or helpful, it seems some is too technical, some i might not fully like, and some has come as a product of less than ideal surroundings/influence i’ve had most of my life. (and it would take too much time to read through everything to remove what no longer resonates with me, so would be simpler to just remove it all, at least for now) perhaps i’m being too harsh on myself or what i’ve experienced from others around me… i do realize everything can tell a story too, though i don’t want to be attached to the story, nor do i want the story to have too much ego/mind in it (though i suppose it could simply tell the story of overcoming the ego/mind through various awakenings.. but i also realize it’s not all about the story.. and while the story can help (to a degree), simply being the change is more effective). anyhow, just some thoughts of feelings i’ve been experiencing for a while now, as i’ve thought about completely taking down my website and anything else i’ve made that might be on the internet. i do recall, a long while back, when i made the work all about the images and there was no writing/journaling.. perhaps it was simpler back then, and i’ve allowed the mind (and others’ viewpoints i’ve explored or taken on) to make it much too complex. perhaps creating art or some form of self-expression through the whole spiritual exploration/expansion/awakening process isn’t the simplest path (in part as it can bring about aspects of the mind, depending where one is coming from at any given moment, and especially more so when one does a lot of technical work that also involves the mind), though i have seen and felt how impactful it can be to see or read something beautiful or inspired (and how this experience of wonder and awe can invoke deeper realization and connection).

[other than writing i’ve shared about my own experiences, i’ve also felt i should remove all the external content (by others) i’ve posted.. while it can be interesting to see what another has found interesting, or to have a little bit of an understanding of how one got to where one was going, it also only perpetuates the story (and sense of time), and it’d be nearly impossible to document every single little step of the way, as in every single moment something is affecting/unfolding the journey/experience to some degree (and some of the things from the past no longer resonate and would no longer be recommended or of interest from where i’m at now). and what matters most is the whole unfolding process, not the details themselves (for too many details can just bring us back into the mind), but the process itself, the experience itself. the experience is what we are, as well as the experiencer. we can dwell in the past experience, or we can yearn for a better future (and hope to inspire or help ourselves and others lean this way), though all that truly matters is happening right now. we must feel and experience where we are at. as we move through that (and depending which way we choose), we will experience and step into the next present moment of now. though it will always be here and now (from which we perceive). what/when/where/why/how do not matter. while ultimate truth is the answer, it is beyond questions and answers. one day we’ll wake up beyond this life and be able to laugh at it. and perhaps that’s all it has been, one big (intentional) divine joke (at multiple levels) that we’ve simply chosen this time around.]