2018 March

it’s beautiful when things begin to flow effortlessly on their own. this comes from learning to surrender and trust. i’ve seen as the more i let go (of control), the more i am allowing the divine to take over and flow into and through my life. today i renewed my driver’s license and registration (i decided to go today as it’s ‘pi’ day and i thought it’d be fun as it would be printed on my license as the renewal date). i received a card in the mail saying i needed to go in person this time to renew. i had a some thoughts about being uncertain if they’d make me do an eye exam and if i’d have any issues as i haven’t been to the eye doctor in a long time (i had lasik surgery back in 2005 and went for a check-up sometime shortly after that but not anytime recently). i can see fine though i’ve spent a lot of time in front of the computer screen these past weeks/months and was wondering if that would have affected my vision. i also feel like, on this spiritual journey, as i tune into higher energies/frequencies/etc that sometimes my vision of the physical plane may not be as crisp, and was possibly a little concerned about that affecting my ability to see normally. when i got to the county or state office to renew my license, the person who walked in before me had made an appointment to renew her license, and the thought crossed my mind that there might be a long wait and that i hadn’t thought of seeing if i could schedule a time online (though the thought did come to me earlier today or yesterday to call to see how long the wait times were and if i could begin my wait time when i called, but i didn’t do so). i didn’t worry too much after i got my number and sat down in the waiting area, and saw there weren’t too many numbers ahead of me per the computer screen. i did feel a bit nervous and wasn’t sure why. perhaps it was due to my concern about my eyes, though i wasn’t actually feeling nervous about it when i previously thought of it. it could have been that i was feeling someone else’s emotions being there in the waiting area or something else. while waiting, i quietly invoked the divine and sent blessings to anyone in the building or who had ever been or will ever be there. i also did a little bit of breathe awareness meditation with my eyes closed while waiting (to try to help me relax and stop the nervousness). my number came after a short wait, and i walked around the corner to the booth i was called to, to see many more waiting seats in a larger area that i thought would’ve been a better spot. when i told the guy at the booth that i needed to renew my license, he began the process and said that i needed to do a vision test. i looked into the device to read the line he told me to read and i read it without any issues. i could see the mind almost doubting a couple of the letters that could’ve appeared to be something else if i looked too quickly, though i passed fine. another thing that was a bit funny was that i had decided to wear a white shirt as my old license had a blue background color behind my photo, and this background ended up being wight. it was funny as i had had the thought cross my mind of what if it was a white background they were now using and i just appeared to be a floating head on my license. it does appear like that a little bit but with the design of the new licenses, its not so bad, and its nice to feel like there’s a white glow of good energy around me. i also had a bit of a concern that perhaps they were going to ask me to pay extra to renew the registration on my van as the pricing on the paperwork they had mailed to me didn’t seem to match any of the numbers i had seen online, though again there wasn’t any issue and i’m pretty sure the amount he told me was what it had said on the form i received in the mail. when i was there with the guy, he made a comment about it being so quiet today, saying that normally all the seats on that side are filled (and they were pretty empty) and there are screaming kids running around. perhaps the divine presence had filled the space when i called it forth while there. or simply meditating created this peace, or the peace just simply follows me wherever i go as i’m usually pretty peaceful. also, earlier in the day i had set an intention / asked the divine / manifested the experience of the renewal going smoothly with no issue and not a long wait. it seems that the universe / divine had created this reality for me, despite whatever nervousness i was briefly feeling while waiting.

i suppose sometimes when i’m not paying attention to consciously creating this experience of reality, i forget that its still occurring or that i can do so. a couple or few days ago i was looking at some old files on my hard drive, working on purging things and files i didn’t need, and i came upon some signs of how i’ve been creating this reality and signs of how i had a good bit of awareness, even some 20+ years ago, before i had any conscious interest or idea of being on a spiritual path. it was also nice to be able to remember how i used to flow in different times of my life in the past, and how i was happy simply being me and connecting with another. and, a little bit to my surprise or intrigue, i saw how an actual file i remembered saying one thing now read to say something else, and i hadn’t changed it or opened it since early 2010 when i had run a numerology software program to generate the file with the report.. around that time i was becoming more aware and interested in spiritual growth, and though i had just had an experience of oneness (of seeing and feeling others as being parts of myself) shortly before generating the numerology report, i didn’t truly experience much more release, healing, growth, awakening, transformation, shifts in perspective, etc until later that year when i attended the avatar course.. so it makes sense that with the growth i went through after the file was generated, that it’d be possible for the reality it described to change, though i didn’t realize that it would mean the actual file changing.. i was thinking that i’d have to have forgotten what it actually said (and not been attached to that reality) for it to be able to change. however, in this case, i remembered what it previously said, and it still changed (it was pretty significant and made sense what it said, so i’m pretty certain it actually read differently and its not that i just remembered it being different or misinterpreted what it meant). perhaps this is what others describe as the mandela effect. i suppose with the transformation i had gone through years ago, i could’ve stepped into a different timeline or reality, and i’m remembering what occurred in the previous timeline or reality i was in. either that, or time really isn’t what we think of it (as i’ve heard others allude to). some speak of all time occurring at once, and perhaps i’m beginning to be able to experience multiple moments in time as well as multiple varieties/dimensions/timelines of time at the same time. or perhaps i’m simply breaking free of the limitations of time, as time, or our perception of it, seems to be a human creation. it seems that as we surrender and release attachments, especially those in the physical, emotional, and mental planes, we free up our ability to experience the higher realms of consciousness and reality, as well as have more energy available to create this experience of reality. this all makes sense, and i’ve experienced this before in different ways, and i’m grateful for the journey i’m on. it was a bit of a roller coaster in recent months, especially with the health challenges i faced, though i’m glad i’ve made it through and am continuing to grow and expand in new directions. it’s exciting to be alive and to flow with life!

back to the story.. after i left the county or state office and was walking back to my van in the parking lot, i felt a subtle sense of peace. it was good to have taken care of it, and had one less thing to think about doing. the more we release in different ways, either by taking care of things or letting go our attachment to needing to do things or whatnot, we free our energy, and are then able to be more present and experience the beauty of reality and life much more naturally. i stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and at first when i pulled into the parking lot, i wasn’t seeing a lot of open spaces in the area where i typically park, and as i kept going forward i saw something right at the end of an adjoining aisle/lane, and was easily able to pull into it. at the store, things flowed nicely, and i was able to briefly connect with the cashier whom i shared i was going to a meditation when she asked if i had any plans for the evening. i felt fine telling her that and asking her if she ever meditated and then telling her about the meditation at the flowering heart center which she said maybe she’d check out sometime. a lot of times in the past, when i haven’t been experiencing life flowing, when i’ve been in some form of resistance or worry or whatnot, i haven’t been able to connect with others easily nor have i felt okay sharing anything about meditation, higher consciousness, spirituality, etc. i think perhaps its come from experiences i’ve had in the past in trying to share these things with others whom didn’t understand (or perhaps weren’t ready to hear them), though i’m grateful to be able to experience the divine flowing through me in this way. earlier today, my dad was complaining about me being the cause of his negativity (as simple things i did, such as opening up the window blinds a different way than he or my mom do, triggered him to be upset or angry).. i don’t recall exactly what i said though i spoke something about me not being able to cause it, and it being good to let the negativity out (and joked in a sense about me helping him do this) or get rid of the negativity rather than hold it inside. i had thought about saying something more detailed about how he’s triggered by so many things such as lots of other drivers (and how i used to be though i no longer experience those drivers showing up, and if they do, they don’t bother me at all the large majority of the time) but didn’t. i’m not sure if he really understood what i meant or not, though hopefully it helped a part of him begin to realize that he doesn’t need to get upset about so many little things.

it’s nice to allow this all to flow through me. in the recent past, i’ve felt blocked in being able to write or create or whatnot. a lot of times in recent years i was either forcing it or it wasn’t flowing through quite like i had previously known. it all comes down to where we are energetically.. by surrendering and letting go of attachment to outcome, we open ourselves up to allow the divine to flow through us in magnificent ways.