perhaps much more dangerous than potentially believing something that is incorrect versus true is the whole division and opposition this causes in humanity. the whole right and wrong game is what causes all war and suffering. it is time to end the madness that the ego, mind, or separate self causes. all beliefs and viewpoints are simply that, limited perspectives of the greater whole. as we awaken and grow, we learn that all of these can be changed. as we continue to expand, we see how in many cases in order for any one particular viewpoint to exist the opposite must also exist. as we transcend this duality we can return to the deep sense of peace and stillness from which we originated. rather than getting caught up in what others are telling you is real or true about the world, spend time going within to heal so you may continue to open up the connection to your true nature. it is only from this place of awakened consciousness that we can truly evolve and transform the world into a better place for everyone. as difficult as it may be, choose to love and completely accept all aspects of yourself and others. know that we are all only doing the best that we can given our current state of consciousness, and as we individually grow & raise our own levels of consciousness, so too will others be able to heal and expand. if you see something that seems completely wrong, rather than judge it as being bad (or even as being a lower level of consciousness), have compassion for the other. feel what they may be feeling in order to be acting or saying what they are. come from a place of unconditional divine love. this is how we heal the world. we choose to live from the higher levels of consciousness and embody those divine energies here on earth.

earth day is one of the most important holidays we can celebrate. without the earth none of us would be here. so many have taken the earth for granted, completely unaware of how human actions have impacted her. as our home, that provides all of us with food, water, shelter, and life, the earth should be celebrated and remembered at all times. every day have a look at what you can do to help reduce your footprint and impact on the planet. collectively we can all live in harmony with the earth (and with each other). the more of us that make changes to our consumption and stop using fossil fuels, the cleaner the air we breathe will be for all of us. right now if all of us stopped using internal combustion engine vehicles, most of the clean air that has been seen around the world recently would become permanent. if humanity ended its addiction to needing to constantly consume more, newer, faster, lighter, better, etc, etc things, the lower demand for manufacturing would have a positive impact on the air and environment. if we ended or significantly reduced animal agriculture, we’d see a positive impact on the health of the planet. right now, as many are at home during the social distancing / quarantine / self-isolation, many of us are realizing how much of an impact humanity has on earth in daily life. with simple changes (both societal and in personal habits) we can collectively make a difference. all of the technology we need for sustainability is already here. clean energy has already become cheaper than fossil fuels. we can choose not to purchase products that have a big carbon footprint or that require burning of fossil fuels to operate. a variety of zero emissions electric vehicles are already available, and as manufacturers see more people demanding them, they will be ramping up more production and releasing new models. we can simply choose not to constantly upgrade to the latest gadget and not to participate in the latest trends of consumerism that can be found in so many aspects of what most consider a ‘normal’ life. much more fulfillment can be found by simply going for a walk in nature and embracing the experience of being immersed in this beautiful world. as many more of us are awakening and learning to find a deep sense of inner peace through meditation (and other modalities), many more of us are realizing we don’t need to constantly chase after all these external things or experiences for fulfillment. many will see that just the financial benefits of minimalism can give one a sense of peace as one won’t have to work more or struggle to pay for all the unnecessary expenditures. with more free time from spending less, wasting less, working less, hurrying less, worrying less, etc, etc, the sense of peace, relaxation, and being happy right here and now will be greater. from this place we can effortlessly share our inner joy with others, and in our free time we can spend more time living simply and enjoying being outdoors, further helping ourselves and mother earth. there are so many other things i could write and explore that one can do to live more harmonious with the planet. start by simply spending time in nature, either go for a walk or find somewhere quiet to sit and take it all in. the more time you spend quietly in nature (or in silence), the more easily you’ll receive insights and inspiration of what you can do to improve your life and that of the planet.

the text below was going to be the caption for this instagram post, though it got way too long:


sometimes it’s funny how life tests us. several years back, i recall meeting a few others and seeing how their biggest potential lied just beyond a single block or fear they had to overcome. its funny how life works and how just in our everyday experiences we’re given the opportunity to overcome a block and grow or move forward in some manner. sometimes, at times often (at least for me), it seems that we simply need to surrender and let go of attachment in some way. recently one of the aspects of surrendering has been in finding patience and being more present in the here and now, rather than continually looking for some solution to move forward. as we let go and (re-)learn to trust that all will be fine, we begin to see more of the beauty that already exists in the here and now, and can be more grateful for what we do have and for all that we can experience in this life. society has a tendency to push so many of us (especially in the modern western world) to constantly seek more, bigger, better, faster, etc, etc. this sort of need to constantly improve or move forward takes us away from the simple beauty and presence we can find in the here and now. often all we need to do is simply change our perspective. when we step out of any one fixed viewpoint, we allow for many more possibilities to unfold in our lives. when we’re not looking to the future (or the past), we can live in the present, the only time and place anything ever happens. one challenge i’ve faced has been this letting go of where things will go in the future. it’s been challenging as i can see where things (especially technology) will go before they get there. being able to see a few steps or iterations beyond what currently exists, if its something i see that would be good for a new project or improvement or simplification of what i currently have, i’ve often found myself continually researching and looking for any potential sign of development in the direction i’m seeing. i’ve had to learn patience and to trust that the universe will bring everything (but perhaps not this very instant). sometimes it feels like things in the physical world manifest so much more slowly than i can imagine them (and sometimes it feels like i won’t or don’t even want them by the time they show up), and sometimes its frustrating when its such a simple concept that really isn’t too much of a stretch from current technology but others don’t quite see it yet and i don’t have all the resources to make it myself [like in the case of electric vans being readily available for purchase here when they are overseas].

at the same time, i realize how quickly new technology is developing these days. seven years ago i saw the release of what became a very popular remote-controlled quadcopter drone. the summer before i had gotten a kit to build a radio-controlled powered parachute as that would allow me new opportunities in aerial photography above what i could do with kite aerial photography (which allowed me new opportunities beyond what i was doing with a very tall tripod). the rc powered parachute didn’t work as well as i had thought it would (nor did another plane-like kit i built after that), so i ended up getting the first dji phantom a couple months after it was released. i flew it some that year and a bit more the following two years after that (especially after getting the first ricoh theta camera and hanging it off of it), though shortly after having it i was seeing how i wanted to improve the experience by being able to take it with me more easily and on bike rides and whatnot, but it was pretty large [i actually did get a very large bike basket for an inexpensive electric bicycle i had, though when i moved to a second floor condo the bike was too heavy to regularly carry up and down the stairs so i don’t think i ever ended up taking it with me on the bike]. i did see smaller quadcopters come out in the following years but the good ones started off at a higher price-point than i wanted and it seemed there were new regulations coming out that would make flying less fun with more to think about, so i only flew what i had for around 2.5 years before i ended up selling it and focusing on other methods for elevated views like pole aerial photography (and a little bit of kite aerial photography). after years of waiting and having pretty much given up or forgotten about aerial photography from higher views, i saw the new dji mavic mini announced and released a couple months ago. while it was missing some of the features for better quality photos and videos that their higher end models have, it was still quite capable (and it’s small enough that it’s below the weight limit for more regulation in many places). after watching lots of footage others shot with it, i decided i’d give it a go despite it not being perfect. i ordered it last month and waited weeks for it as it was on backorder. it arrived last night and this afternoon i went for the first flight. these are some of the images. it was funny as i almost gave up on it today too, as the process of updating the firmware and doing the initial calibrations was taking longer than i expected and then i thought there might be an issue with it as i didn’t know the trick to be able to power it or the controller off. i went outside and was able to take off shortly before sunset, with just had enough time to take it on a test flight to make sure it was working and try to get some shots. shortly after it was in the air the sprinklers came on where the landing pad was on the grass and i had to rescue it while still flying. there weren’t any clouds in the sky and the golden hour light on the landscape was pretty much gone, so i figured i might not have any usable images to post here today. after reviewing them, i was pleasantly surprised to see i did have these that i could use, even if they weren’t perfect. i’ve kept them all at the original crops (and i wasn’t paying attention to actually composing any photos and just had it set for timed interval photos every couple seconds). the originals were a bit over-processed but the results were still quite good and usable. and the experience of flying was so much better than all of my previous rc aircraft. the first dji phantom only had a gopro mount and i had to pretty much guess what it was seeing and exactly where it was in the air (and the images could have wobble in them as there was no stabilization, and videos were pretty much out of the question from what i recall, though i did manage to make some time-lapses i liked). being able to see what the camera is actually seeing and have data of how far and high it is right on the screen (and see it on the map relative to where i am) makes the experience so much better and easier. more than once i thought i was going to lose or had lost the phantom as i couldn’t tell which way it was going and wasn’t sure if the return to home function actually worked. gratefully i never did lose it, and am glad to have the added ability to see where it’s at. just flying the short route i did today with the mavic mini would’ve previously been a nerve-racking experience in worrying i might not get the phantom 1 back. it’s funny, as most people who just started getting remote-control quadcopters in the more recent years have never known what it might be like to fly without the visual aid of the map or what its seeing. it’ll be even crazier to see what new technology continues to develop in just a few more years or decades. sometimes its good to wait to upgrade technology so we can have a better appreciation of how much change has actually happened (besides this less consumeristic approach being far better for both the wallet and environment). i just ‘upgraded’ to an iphone se a few weeks ago, and even though its not as capable as the latest phones, the camera and speed are noticeably better than an iphone 6 (and now that serves as the screen for the mavic mini app).

after all the waiting, all the various challenges in aerial photography, almost canceling the order to get the insta360 one r camera with drone attachment, and even thinking after it arrived yesterday ‘why did i order this, do i really even need it, am i actually going to use it?’, it looks like it was good a choice and i look forward to all the images i’ll be creating with it. [often we just need to move forward through whatever resistance we may have, however it shows up in our lives. upon doing so we can realize new, greater perspectives in life. how and where we’re looking from make all the difference.] it’s amazing what a simple change in elevation will do for landscape photography [even just walking up around 10 feet on some stairs at a park a week ago made a noticeable difference]. i also enjoy the metaphors aerial images give of seeing from above in relation to opening up to greater perspectives and higher consciousness. and the really significant major changes we’ll be seeing unfold in this world will be a result of more and more of us continuing to awaken to higher levels of awareness.

rather than follow what others are doing in life, choose to create your own life. you can choose anything you like. and, while it can be helpful to see what unique things others are doing, your experience doesn’t have to look anything at all like anyone else’s. the more of us that break free from following society, the quicker a more beautiful world will unfold.

[the grasp of those trying to control can only work if enough people are buying into the fear they’re selling. let go of what you’ve been told you’re supposed to do, and embrace what your heart is calling you to do.]

life can be as simple, beautiful, and amazing as you allow it (and yourself) to be.

[only the mind makes things overly complex and tries to tell you you’re missing out by not participating in its games. the heart knows a deeper, simpler, more profound truth.]

the simplest truth is often the most profound. [i’m not the first to say this]

as much as technology can help us connect with each other, it can become the biggest distraction that takes us further into the separation of the mind.

do the things (or people) you watch, read, or listen to open your heart, or disconnect you further into the mind?

open your heart. [be free]

sometimes when we’re searching for something but not finding it in the world, all we need to do is open and listen to our heart. [don’t allow the mind’s craving to know (now) become a distraction from the presence]

always return to the present moment.

sometimes all one needs to do to discover higher awareness / truth, is to first work though whatever the little self / ego / mind is facing.

[beneath or through whatever is there (blocking the view), one returns to one’s original nature and allows it to shine through brilliantly]

it is a journey of awakening, remembering and then forgetting again, only to remember, yet once again. it seems that i do this to better understand some of the ways in how others might awaken. and so i don’t have to wait for another life / dream in order to do it all over again.

sometimes it seems that the divine is telling us to slow down, let go, relax, and surrender, rather than continuing to go forward, push the limits, or see how far one can go. the day before yesterday, i went on a drive the furthest north i’ve been in my electric car, to some parts i hadn’t been to ever or in a while. shortly into my journey, the car displayed a service needed message. gratefully the car drove and performed normally the rest of the trip, and i took it to the dealer early yesterday morning. while waiting almost all day to hear back from them (so i could plan on getting a ride down there to get the car and go to satsang in the evening), i felt myself being triggered a little, feeling things related to patience and waiting (and perhaps letting go and control).

[it’s funny to think about all this.. i remember how i felt in recent months, or longer, how simple things (or beneficial change) can seem to take so long in the physical world to manifest, and a lot of it is due to resistance and control in the collective consciousness.. and this is part of what i was feeling come up in my experience]

[for anyone whom doesn’t realize it, most of the time when i’ve written “it’s funny”, it’s because that’s how this experience of reality works, and it’s funny to see it happening (yet once again) after one temporarily stops paying attention to such sorts of things for a while (and then later comes back (again) to the point of realization that it’s a bit ridiculous to think that it’s not like this, and it’s quite funny, in a sense, to shift viewpoints to one where one can understand more clearly again, until one chooses to forget again for a while)…]

yesterday afternoon i heard from the dealer that the service indicator came on as the coolant pump needs to be replaced and its going to be a few days to get the part (i’m guessing as the car was a compliance car only sold on the west coast and they need to ship it from over there). i’m grateful it’s under warranty so there won’t be a charge for the work, though i was a bit disappointed not having my car for a week. [they offered a free rental car for the week, though i think i’m gonna skip on it and spend the time here, possibly starting to work on making videos from my trip to maine six years ago] i was planning a trip this weekend down to sarasota for a free museum day and then to siesta key before heading back up. i’ll have to postpone it until the beginning of next month.. i wanted to go this weekend to add some lines to the map of everywhere i’ve been in the car in the first half year of owning it. drawing the lines on the map has been fun to see where else i can wander to (at very little cost per mile), and also to demonstrate to others how far one can go in a short range electric car (as the technology is still quite new to most people). sometimes pushing the limits to see how much i can squeeze out of a route without draining the battery too low has taken a good bit of planning / calculating to make sure i have a backup plan in case one of the public chargers isn’t working.. and sometimes i wonder if all the effort is really worth it, and if anyone else sees any value in it. i very much look forward to the continued expansion of public charger locations. it’ll be quite nice when they are as prevalent as gas stations, and it’ll be a lot easier when i get a car with a bigger battery. i know my car wasn’t designed to be taken on longer trips, is really considered a city car with the small battery, and i never thought of driving it as far as i have when i decided to buy it, though it has been good to see how far of a round trip i can drive it in a day either in a single charge or using public chargers to go further. sometimes though i wonder about the various projects i find myself in and if any of them are really worth it or if they are simply distractions to being present, relaxing, and enjoying the moment. i look forward to when i have a fully electric van or truck with solar charging capability, where i can go explore and not have to plan so much.. if i need to charge somewhere for a while, i can just relax or take a nap in the back, and i could have the option to go anywhere even where there are no public chargers, and if my battery charge gets too low, i simply just park and hang out or live inside my tiny home on wheels while i wait for the sun to add back enough range to keep going. i can see a couple things going on internally.. like how i think sometimes we do need to push the limits of what we can do to know what is possible, though it can certainly be exhausting at times if it requires too much mental (or physical) effort, and how i can move very quickly through things in my experience of them by doing this.. i see how i’m already ready for the next step forward, an electric van that i can set up as a tiny home (and there are no major manufacturers in the united states offering electric vans or trucks for sale yet), and i’m even ready for the next step after that, to add solar charging capability (which manufacturers may not offer as an option, or at least right away). it’s easy for this visioning (and seeing what the future will bring) to take one out of the present moment and leave one feeling tired while waiting for the world to catch up. [and it seems that i’ve been doing this my whole life!] i suppose sometimes we do need to embark on a new frontier ourselves and create what does not yet exist [though i’ve also seen how when i’ve done this or how when i’ve envisioned something and waited years for someone else to make it, i haven’t really cared whether or not it existed by the time it showed up.. perhaps that’s the element of surrender and letting go of attachment to outcome, though if so, what’s the whole point of putting forth effort into see anything for the future if it no longer matters by the time it comes out? though i can see through what i just wrote there and see there’s other aspects at play.. and that there is inherit value in envisioning and creating a future, for someone will enjoy it, and at some level i can still enjoy the new technology (even if its in just knowing its available) even if i no longer need it like i felt i once did]. i woke up pretty tired and it was difficult to start to type all of this (and i almost didn’t, feeling that there’s not really much of a point in sharing this.. though now by typing this far, i’m starting to feel better, as i explore the feelings i had about it all. and perhaps that’s merely what all this was about, a means to explore the feelings within rather than hang on to them.. for that is what truly matters in life, to feel what one is feeling and to feel life. feeling is healing. we experience the world through feeling what is in the heart.. and when we try to understand or perceive too much through the mind, we end up feeling exhausted and blocked, and can not function properly). anyhow, i’m not sure if anyone is gonna read this all (or understand it) or if i ever will read this, but it no longer matters. i feel better simply by typing it and feeling it. the story and the details are not important. only the experience matters. [and regarding what i’m looking for, i may consider converting a van or box truck or something into an electric vehicle rather than waiting for their availability.. or i may just build a tiny home instead so i can have a home that i can move between florida and chicagoland to see my friends both places and have nicer weather the whole year.. that was my original thought before getting my electric car, though as i wasn’t seeing good options i liked for land where to park the tiny home here and i started to think more about being able to wander both locally and further more easily in an electric vehicle tiny home, i started to shift my focus more in that direction.. one thing to notice is how one might shift desires from one thing to another, and to see if it’s truly because the latest option is really a better solution for what wants, or if its because one is stuck and not seeing a way for the original option to unfold.. i can see how there are elements of both in what i just mentioned, and also how when i bought my van a couple years ago that it was out of resistance of living in my condo and feeling stuck there (though that’s another tangent).. what i’ve felt what would be best for me would be to have my own land that could be my home base between journeys, preferably with an efficient + disaster-proof monolithic dome home with sustainable aspects (or completely off-grid) in an area i like near friends or spiritual communities, and to have a fully electric adventure/expedition vehicle that i can live out of on extended journeys.. though as i’ve been waiting for the pieces to come together for this to unfold, and as i had multiple health issues the past couple years, i began to wonder if maybe i’m not going in the right direction. i also see in my local wanderings to more rural areas that i remember how much i really love wide open natural landscapes and feel most alive in quiet + natural places. and i’ve seen how even some of these areas that once were more rural are now becoming so developed, making it more difficult to find (or ridiculously expensive to purchase) good land near the communities i want to be by. i know some options still do exist and i welcome the divine to bless me with the gift of a nice acreage somewhere quiet + safe + natural + beautiful around here, though i’ve been waiting for this for quiet a while.. i remember looking for land back when i was on my truck camper trip out west in 2012. perhaps i do need to make some compromise (for now) like getting land in the middle of nowhere (though not too far away from good grocery stores or places i’d enjoy exploring) or just living life on the road exploring and finding places in nature (in a functional + livable tiny home on wheels) until an option for land i like does unfold.. though it would mean seeing friends at local communities less often until a good permanent place to park shows up. it seems like this tangent is starting to go off in circles or get lost.. i wanted to get back to the whole idea of things being substitutions for what i really want as i’ve been waiting for what i want but it hasn’t showed up.. i think what i really want is a nice, sweet, pretty girl with a good heart to join me on the adventures in nature. i know when i’ve been in a relationship in the past i haven’t felt the need to be pursing so many technical or creative things, and i would just enjoy being in the moment with her. and i do recall one of the reasons for ending my trip out west was the lack of having another around.. i saw some beautiful places though it didn’t seem as fulfilling or something just going by myself.. i had missed the community gatherings at the flowering heart center in illinois the summer before.. i remember it was nice when i met up with some friends along the journey, and having a girlfriend / best friend with me on the adventure would be wonderful. part of me has almost forgotten or given up on meeting someone, partly feeling i don’t need anyone, and also seeing i’ve gone years waiting or looking to connect with someone whom had similar perspectives and desires. i think part of when i bought my condo was so i could have my own place with my own energy and be able to open that space to a girl, though there were some things less than ideal about living inside a shared building, as i felt the space was still limited with others’ permanent and distractions right there, and didn’t end up meeting + connecting with someone who wanted to co-create a relationship. anyhow, i’m getting tired writing all this, i think it’s working its way two hours since i got up and started exploring this.. if anyone knows of a nice girl whom has similar (or compatible) perspectives on life to me, please feel free to introduce her (or yourself) to me :) for now, i suppose, i’ll continue to follow my heart as best i can and do what i feel called to.. i think some sort of all-wheel-drive dual-motor electric van or truck with more livable room inside than my van or truck camper would be great for exploration and to be able to see friends different places and visit different spiritual communities/centers. in the future, after i have good permanent parking options, i could see a larger electric bus or truck or tiny home as a permanent home to move around throughout the year and keep parked for a while.. with plenty of solar panels, rainwater collection, and a greenhouse or area to grow plants, it could be a completely off-grid movable tiny home.. i’ll try not to leap too quickly to this one, until more technological advances occur, unless the divine wishes to bless me with lots of financial prosperity and abundance where i could hire whomever needed to research and develop and build all aspects of this into a manner that would work really well for me. anyhow, i think i keep looking for an ending, not wanting to leave this or stop writing without some sort of conclusion or good thought, like that which was before this whole long section in brackets began.. but sometimes we just gotta start and stop wherever we’re at. there doesn’t need to be a perfect ending, it’s all about the experience. sometimes i wonder why i even share any of this, and have thought about deleting my website and all online presence.. i have deleted a lot of social media postings which has been nice. it’s good to let go of these attachments or external definitions.. especially when things can shift in the world/life so quickly and so much/often. i remember noticing this many years ago when i was actively showing art in galleries/museums and then running into someone i talked to at an exhibition whom asked me about some aspect of a project i mentioned back then that i had long forgotten about.. it was all in the moment and what i saw coming in the moment.. and things didn’t always unfold in the way that i saw at that moment, and it was intriguing to see someone inquire about those things that i had long passed by… anyhow, we’ll see which of these potential futures we choose to experience in the continual unfolding of consciousness]

God has no preferences. God appreciates everyone and everything, for God is everyone and everything.

love is about letting go of any one single fixed viewpoint, and connecting with (opening one’s heart to) the other’s perspective.

the mind wants to understand, though to truly know is beyond words, through the experience.

remember life is not about ‘my’ journey or ‘your’ journey, but simply ‘the’ journey itself.

in recent years i learned about universal basic income. i read about it being offered (or tried) in some northern european countries, and, coincidentally (or not), these countries were also ranked as being the happiest on the planet. i do my best not to get caught up in politics, though i’ve recently seen some things online mention universal basic income. i think someone running for president is supporting it, and billionaire + genius Elon Musk supports it. i haven’t looked into what they all think or any details of it, though the concept sounds like a great way to end the suffering + struggle of so many. as automation takes over jobs, it will only make sense as a feasible solution to keep humanity alive. by not having to worry about survival, people won’t have a reason to do desperate things that harm others. with more free time and freedom to do what one feels called to, more people can be creative and do simple things to help another and society. as an artist and creative myself, i easily see this.. there are so many creative projects that could easily flow through me if i didn’t have the burden of things that need to be done simply to exist on the planet. as more of us awaken to who we truly are, we’ll see that there really is no need to compete with another. as more of grow and are healed, we’ll see that there are more than plenty of resources for all of us to live healthily and in harmony with the planet. through our collective transformation, we’ll eventually grow beyond the need for any type of currency or trade. in the meantime, as we shift away from how things have been on the planet and wake up into the new world we are creating, something like universal basic income would be a great solution to provide the funds needed for food, water, shelter, healthcare/wellness, and the other essentials of living well in the modern day (such as communication and transportation).

near the beginning of last year i recall looking up some numbers and seeing out how this could work with the current system of taxes. i don’t have those exact calculations in front of me, though i do recall it being quite feasible to do under a number of scenarios. i’m by no means an expert or knowledgable in the national budget, though quickly looking up the numbers online now, the national income for the united states in 2018 was 20.7 trillion dollars, the federal budget/spending was 3.8 trillion dollars, and the population is 327.2 million people. if the tax rate were simple and equal between all corporations and people, the needed 3.8 trillion over the 20.7 trillion that came in would be 18.3% to cover current spending. if we were to give every person that lived in the country $2000 per month as universal basic income, we’d need an additional 7.85 trillion dollars, bringing the total needed for spending to 11.65 trillion dollars. this would bring up the effective tax rate to 56% but that does not account for the fact that everyone would be receiving $24,000 a year, effectively lowering their taxes. for example, if one earned $50k a year, the 56% would be $28k in taxes but one would get $24k back, so one would really only be paying $4k in taxes, an effective tax rate of 8%, lower than what one would pay in the current tax system. yes, if one earns a lot more, they would pay a much higher percent, but would also receive more in the universal basic income payment if they have children or are sharing funds with a spouse or other family whom doesn’t receive income (or pay taxes on it). this is just a simple example to see that this system could be feasible. essentially those who receive a lot more in income would be helping those who don’t receive as much, and in return would see a much healthier society and planet where humanity is not suffering from poverty, crime, sickness, etc. i can understand how some whom earn a lot might not like to have to pay more, and this is only a simple example.. to lower the tax percent individuals would need to pay, the amount being given as universal income could be different and there could be other factors affecting the amount dispersed such as looking at the size of the household (as with several people and children sharing a home, not as much would be needed per person.. though if the amount dispersed was even per capita, it would encourage sharing resources). there could also be a sliding scale and tax brackets, and it could get complex (though still kept more simple than the current system). another quick example: if we were to change the universal amount given to $1000 per person, then the flat tax rate needed would drop to 37% and someone who earned $100k per year would only pay an effective tax rate of 24% after receiving their $1000 per month in universal income.. and one’s individual tax rate could be even lower if the amount corporations paid were higher since they are not real people. i won’t elaborate further into all the technical details.. there are lots of examples and ways to look at this.. these numbers are simply a proof of concept to see that it could be a feasible solution today (and the statistical numbers i quickly found online may not be accurate).

i would encourage anyone who finds this interesting to research it, conceptualize or visualize the possibility, and share it with others. the more of us that see new ways of thinking (and living), the quicker we can effect change into the world. it seems that this way of subtle (or massive) change is the new growth we will see in the world. there’s only so far the current system of how things work in the world can go. sometimes we just need to let go completely of what is to allow room for what will be to unfold. it can be hard to surrender and let go, but once we do, we’ll be able to embrace the beauty of what is to come. as we transition into a world that is more peaceful, loving, and living in harmony with the planet, the future generations of human beings will look back at the history of what we’re currently living through and wonder how we ever existed like that (similar to how some now can look back to the past or distant past and wonder how people could’ve ever lived like that.. heck, some nowadays wonder how life could’ve existed without smartphones).

you may cry watching this, though it’s beautiful to see how faith can be found and kept, even through tragedy: www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLf9Hoz2ab4

on a personal note, it’s interesting to see how i’ve run into a couple similar underlying messages recently. one thing said in this video (or in another video that her sister shared) was related to knowing how everything is in perfect divine order and not to be mad at (or judge) God for what has happened, and to be grateful for the time and experience we were blessed with. almost three weeks ago i ran into someone who shared messages from the bible but they were from a viewpoint of awakening (which i had not typically seen or heard), and one thing he shared was a similar message about not judging this world or our experiences here. it’s been interesting to see these messages as one of my recent challenges has been seeing so much judgment, criticism, complaining, etc from my close family and i think experiencing this (or not wanting to be around this) caused the health issues i had the last couple years. another interesting aspect of these experiences is that i was forced to go to church and Catholic school when i grew up, and i think shortly after graduating i stopped going to church and lost interest in religion (which partly may have been related more to my own childhood hurts rather than religion itself). around a decade later i began to find interest in spirituality through other forms. and along the way to that point i was exploring other viewpoints and perspectives without even knowing it or being deliberately on a spiritual path. since abandoning religion i hadn’t really looked at or been interested in anything at all related to it (and subtly resisted it and saw aspects of religion, such as indoctrination, as getting in the way of being able to directly experience and know God). a few weeks ago my best friend from high school’s father passed away, and while sad, it was beautiful to see the love and faith that his family had. i think i’m beginning to let go of judgment of religion and allow it to be as it is. many of us may have turned away from religion or other things in our past that did not serve us at the time, though if these aspects of life help others find love, peace, faith, hope, understanding, or learn or grow in some way, there is value in them. and from a higher viewpoint, everything is already in perfect divine order, even the parts of life we don’t like or understand. perhaps by simply accepting these aspects of life that we don’t like (or resist) we can grow, transform, and awaken. from perspectives such as oneness or enlightenment, all things are connected and are a manifestation of the one consciousness or being that we all are.. and if we aren’t fully accepting or loving a part of ourself, we cannot truly be whole.

sometimes, perhaps often, what we need most is not another spiritual course/perspective/workshop/gathering/etc, and is certainly not another goal or thing we get in the physical world, but is simply a meaningful friendship with another whom loves and accepts us for who we are without judgment.

i had an interesting experience waking up this morning, or thinking i was waking up.. i woke up and heard some sort of audio program or video playing on my computer where someone was speaking some words and everyone on the call (or in person if it was a live recording?) was repeating the words. it felt kinda strange for so many people to be blindly repeating the affirmations or prayers or whatever it was, and i didn’t know who the speaker was now that i think of it. and then i realized that was still part of a dream at another level.. i was dreaming and woke up within a dream to realize (or wake up again) that i was still dreaming! if it would’ve been another level of waking up, it would’ve been like in the movie inception where they go multiple levels deep into dreaming within a dream. i’m not sure if you’ve seen it.. it is good in how it portrays these multiple aspects though having hollywood action elements to it there is a little violence i think, but its not really bad like other movies. the metaphors (or realities expressed or hinted at in different ways) are really great in regards to this, and it also looks at not even knowing if one is dreaming or not. it was interesting as at first i didn’t know i was dreaming but then i just woke up or realized i was.. not sure what caused it, it was really just a happening, like awakening can be for some, without any direct cause that the mind can know or understand. it was just like an expansion or stepping out of that false reality into a greater reality, awareness, or understanding/wisdom. and then it was interesting as having known this i could still almost linger in between worlds, the dream world and this reality (if one could call it that as it may just be a dream too) where i know it was a dream.. and from the in-between state of knowing both, it felt like i could continue to create the dream more if i wanted to but it was also difficult to keep creating it after knowing it was just a dream (difficult being in a sense.. not that it really was difficult, but it was like why would i want to).

i think this is why there’s almost a little bit of a fear or wondering what will happen as i awaken to greater levels of consciousness and awareness.. as when i realize this whole thing is just a dream i may have this similar experience as i linger in the place where i’m still here in the world but also beyond this unreal world, and i may not feel inclined to stay as i know it isn’t real. and in thinking back to some of the experiences i’ve had where i’ve had experiences of transformation and awakening, one time i was actually starting to ascend out of the body and leave until someone at the course asked what i was doing and he said i was leaving my body and then i felt myself come right back in to it.. though another time after a more advanced process i found myself in a place that felt like i was at a higher level of awareness (or in a higher dimension/plane as my friend who guided me through the exercise described it), and i felt like i had no desires and no resistances.. i just quietly was there and everything simply was. i sat there for a while just watching the world around me from this place of no-mind awareness and everything was totally calm, quiet, and peaceful. i think people were working on their own processes and talking in the background or whatnot, and i was completely undisturbed or affected by any of it. i just saw it as part of the surroundings as i gazed out to the world. [an interesting aside, i remember that when i was sitting there totally calm, one of my friends there whom i had liked (and was interested in a month or two earlier) had said now she actually likes me.. it was funny as it no longer mattered to me (nor did anything else) as i was completely at peace without desire or resistance] it was just before lunch break and most if not all people had left the large hall/room by the time i got up from where i was sitting on the floor. when i got up and started to walk out to the hallway, the experience/perception was as if i moved and then the body followed. i wasn’t confined to being the body or the mind.. i was the spirit and i could flow (around the general area where the body was), and as i floated or flowed in the direction i wanted to go, the body just moved and followed to keep up with the spirit.. i didn’t have to do any of the motion of the arms or legs or anything.. i was the spirit/soul/consciousness/energy that moved (either invisible in the physical plane or on another more subtle / higher plane), and then the physical body followed. i don’t recall exactly what happened after that.. i remember seeing a friend and someone else from the course there and hugging them both on my way to the hallway as i was feeling so free with this ‘new’ perception (and they could get some sense of how / where i was). i probably ate lunch and integrated the experience that afternoon.. i’m sure i had other experiences later too as the whole course/workshop was filled with profound and healing experiences, the most transformational, healing, and profound things i remember experiencing so far in this life.

anyhow, went off on a bit of tangent describing that second experience there.. though getting back to where i started exploring it, i didn’t feel like i wanted to just leave this reality after having that experience as it was just so amazing and beautiful to be here having this experience of life on earth (and have new perceptions of this reality). so it is interesting to wonder what may unfold as the journey continues and consciousness expands/grows. i suppose it all depends on how or where one is looking at it from.. the time i was leaving my body, or when i’ve had thoughts of maybe not coming back after knowing this is a dream, may be arising when certain aspects of life aren’t working.. and i just see that it doesn’t matter anyhow and might just take off and completely stop creating this whole illusion. though if it is working and i’m relaxed, comfortable, and enjoying it, then i’m more likely to stay and just experience it as the whole universe is then a worthwhile creation to continue to play in. i know some say one’s own happiness matters and some say it doesn’t in spiritual growth, though it may possibly be a determination of where one goes as one does grow, ascend, expand, etc. and perhaps all i described was merely just one particular aspect or viewpoint of one particular experience and its completely different every time and for everyone, regardless of any particular similarity or difference in subtleties.

i feel now i must’ve expanded or healed or grown in some way as the words are able to flow through to describe all of this.. recent resistances and obstacles had prevented me from being inspired or creative for quite some time, and now those must be lifted as i’m having this able to flow through me (although not entirely effortlessly, yet the words are able to flow through). i think it comes from the letting go and release of things or aspects in consciousness that i was seeing as burdens.. like all the thoughts about what to do about elements of my physical reality that aren’t perfect or were seemingly unhealthy or limiting in some way were more of what was actually limiting me rather than that the perceived limitations — perhaps it was the resistances and perceptions or thoughts themselves that were more limiting than the actual physical limitations.. as i’ve been letting go and surrendering and accepting where i’m at and being less attached to whether i’m able to do anything in particular (like accept that maybe i just won’t go to any of the community events if i’m not able to find a good car at a good price), i free up the energy and attention that was consumed by these thoughts/feelings/emotions/resistances/etc, and i have more free energy/attention to naturally tune into this creative flow and inspiration. i know i know all of this as i’ve gone through this sort of thing in all the healing + transformational work i described above, though its nice to experience it again. sometimes we can get so caught up in our own perceptions/beliefs/thoughts/etc that this gets us stuck inside the mind in a sense… which is interesting as most of the time the mind is empty and quiet, though the underlying feeling must still be there in consciousness even when we’re not having any of the thoughts and emotions that might be arising strongly at times.. that underlying feeling or aspect of our consciousness is creating a block that may be invisible. we may know that there’s this thing going on in our life but until we fully experience it or let it go in some way, its affecting our reality and preventing the flow of life / the divine / the universe / etc in our experience of life/reality.

i don’t know what else i wanted to write about this at this moment, though its good to have another look at surrender and acceptance and be able to share this from my own personal experience. there are so many teachings out there about this sort of thing but the most important aspect is to have our own direct experience of it. the words can give us some direction but can never be a substitution for actually learning it and feeling it yourself. i remember back when i took the courses i mentioned above and had such profound experiences that simple truths like ‘feeling is healing’ would arise. its good to get back to some of those and to share them once again. it seems that there is so much stuff out there in regards to spiritual and personal growth and healing work and whatnot, so many modalities and teachers, that it can become so overwhelming to one who’s trying to make any progress in life if one is trying to follow someone else’s direction. yes these things can help in the beginning, though one really needs to embark on one’s own inner journey and allow it to all unfold rather than continue to be reading and watching others speaking and sharing new techniques and methods. stick to what you know works and continue to explore through that method if its helping you. now i’m not saying that new things are bad as there is some great technology unfolding in the physical world, though in the realm of consciousness and higher awareness, things tend to become more simple the further we go. all one really needs to do is feel the various aspects of life that one may be resisting. yes some techniques can be quite powerful to help bring those to awareness especially if they’ve been long suppressed, though do not forget that the greatest teacher lies within. follow your heart and ask for divine grace if you feel stuck, and dive wholeheartedly into whatever it is you may be feeling or resisting, and you’ll make it through and discover the peace and bliss on the other side as you surrender and let go of your resistance. as you work through and feel and release whatever may be in your consciousness, you’ll naturally become more aware as you free up your energy. with this greater awareness, you’ll naturally start to see and realize new levels of perception and capacities as consciousness/spirit in a human body. there’s no need to seek these directly, and trying to seek or force any of these on your own may only hinder you in your own growth and expansion. it’s all a very natural process.. just feel and embrace all aspects of yourself unconditionally and you will be free. [and in being free you may just discover that there really was never anywhere to get to but the here and now]

[below is an email i sent to my friends Yolanda, Susan, and Fili to explore some ideas related to creating a sustainable spiritual community/center near chicagoland]


here are a number of aspects about the community and some ideas for each of them. please let me know how all of you [or y’all, down heres in the south] feel about them. if something is totally off from what you’re envisioning or wanting, please let me/us know. if some parts really resonate, please say which ones so we can focus more on defining those. there are a lot of potentials, and a lot of the details i wrote will be more long-term based.. to start, a solution for housing and growing some food would work (which could be as simple as building a self-sustaining earthship home and sharing the space, or getting a lot of land to park a few tiny homes and grow food around them).

alignment / intention — we’ll have to collectively decide + determine what the overall intention is for the community and base our creation of it on how well each aspect is aligned with the intention/purpose. [i don’t want to have too many rules or limitations, though it’d be good to find a way to make sure what we’re all doing is energetically aligned with the community intentions and flows smoothly]

overall — the community/center could be a blend of some or all of the following: a self-sustaining off-grid community, a spiritual retreat center, a holistic health / wellness center, an organic farm, a tiny home / alternate / experimental housing development or resort, a natural park/garden, an ashram

sustainability — all aspects of the community should consider sustainability (and self-sustainability) as an important criteria in making decisions.

farming — both fields + greenhouse(s) to grow a variety of edible plants. fruit-producing trees would great too. i’d highly prefer not to have animals on site (especially any that cause strong odors), though possibly free-range chickens could be considered for egg production. food production would go to provide food to those living on the community grounds, for community meals, and could be sold at events to anyone visiting the community (and we could possibly have a farm stand on the main road / community entrance or have pickup/delivery of produce for local restaurants).

off-grid — depending on location, could consider water collection, re-use/recycling, waste treatment (earthship homes have a good approach using the water 4 times). on-site renewable solar + wind energy would be good. for heating + cooling of permanent buildings, an earth-bermed approach (like earthships or bermed monolithic domes, with windows facing south) would be good to eliminate the need for usage of most/any energy to heat/cool.

nature — ideally the surrounding area would be very natural, such as a preserve or park, or possibly agricultural (plant-based, preferably organic or non-spray). if we have an abundance of land with a large acreage, we can keep a natural area around the edge of the community as a preserve (with nature trails). a pond, creek, or other water area would be nice if possible.

location — quiet, peaceful, safe, natural, away from pollution sources (including air, noise, emf/emr, main roads, industrial/commercial areas, etc). i would describe the ideal setting as what one would find in a quiet national park/forest, followed by a rural or semi-rural area. ideally the land will be quiet + private, yet not too far from health food stores, flowering heart center, etc

meditation gardens — a nicely kept garden for meditation or nature walks would be beautiful. depending on how we want to run/design the community, this could be something that we could charge admission to (or request donations from) for the public. a labyrinth or other meditation circle would be neat to have too.

nature trails (walking + biking) — nice quiet trails around the community would be great for exploration, walking meditation, exercise, etc. depending on landscape, potentially a boardwalk like found in nature parks. a lookout tower or elevated walkway would be great where one can see the surrounding nature, sunset, and parts of the farm or community. treehouses could be neat to have as a space for meditation, gatherings, or camping.

landscaping — ideally landscaping will be kept natural or with minimal impact to the environment. landscaping should not require use of any gas-powered lawn care equipment that causes noise + air pollution.

housing — i see multiple potentials.. parking spots for movable tiny houses, small permament housing, shared housing in larger homes or dorms. anything built on site should consider sustainable building methods + energy-efficiency, such as passive house standards, monolithic domes, earthships, etc. ideally, the feel of any buildings (and the entire community) should invoke peacefulness, relaxation, sacredness, serenity, etc. minimalism in design would be good. a feeling closer to a nice resort would much be preferred rather than an art colony (though perhaps both kinds can exist on different parts of the land). this resort feeling doesn’t necessarily mean high-end expensive materials/finishes, but rather a clean, minimalistic, calm, flowing experience. this part is a little trickier – i don’t want too many rules or for everything to conform (as i don’t like the limitations of things like HOA’s), though good design considerations will help the overall feel of the community. i think a part of this will depend upon the density and placement of the homes. if homes are further apart in the woods / fields / nature, then there’d be more room for differences in home types / looks [though at the same time, a row of closely-spaced + brightly colored tiny homes could be neat too]. ideally the buildings should blend in or work well with the natural landscaping and be able to keep as much of the surrounding trees, plants, etc as possible, and there would be natural areas between each building / home. [some of these ideas are starting to go in different directions, exploring other possibilities i’ve imagined, such as master-planned residential developments/communities done with tiny homes or alternative housing types.. if these aspects aren’t aligned with what we are all looking for, i’m open to excluding them]

community areas — an outdoor gazebo or field for gathering would be nice, as well as a place for a fire pit/circle for social events or spiritual rituals.

community hall — a large hall would be great for various community gatherings and events. this could be rented out to (or profits split with) other conscious/spiritual teachers/groups to help cover the community expenses. a shared kitchen in the hall would be great so we could prepare meals for events and regularly as a community [we could also invite others whom don’t live on site and request donations for the meals].

business model — the ideal classification may be a non-profit church to avoid both property taxes and taxes on donations/revenue. regarding ownership of the grounds + buildings, it may be best to have everything owned by the community non-profit organization with rooms/homes or parking spaces for tiny homes rented out to those staying (one idea to explore would be classifying the stay as a spiritual retreat, as this may give us more flexibility compared to a more typical apartment/land lease, and potentially may be required if the organization is a non-profit or church). we could work something out where those of us starting/running the community or working the farm can live on site for free or at a reduced rate. another potential business model to consider would be that of a campground where spots are rented either short term or monthly/annually, and there can be park/destination models that are more permanent, as well as lodges/cabins or tiny homes / rv’s that can be rented from the campground for anyone who doesn’t have their own to park. or, if we are more farm-based, we could model after (or be part of) WWOOF where individuals volunteer on the farm in exchange for accomodation and meals. in the future if there are events that will bring in people from out of town and if we are to have a housing building with multiple rooms, we could run part of it like a bed and breakfast, dorm/hostel, or resort. regarding housing, we may be able to partner with a tiny house company to get free homes to rent out and split the proceeds (i know of one company currently distributing homes for this purpose).

income sources — rental of rooms, homes, or parking spaces for tiny homes. selling meals + extra produce. renting space in community hall for events/workshops. donations from those visiting the gardens. hosting our own workshops, classes, and other events. potentially a shop selling artwork, cds, books, crystals, etc. other donations, investments, etc.

roads — internal roads should be carefully considered (and minimized) so traffic does not become a hinderance to the quiet natural space of the community. to avoid air + noise pollution, it’d be good to consider only allowing zero emission vehicles on the internal roads, and having a parking lot/area near the main road / community entrance for internal combustion engine vehicles and visitors. during winter months when temperatures are below freezing, we could consider allowing any vehicle to use the internal roads if the grounds are large.

activities — community members could lead various activities such as meditation/blessing circles, community dinners, drum circles, sound healing, nature walks, yoga, qi gong, kai chi do, movie night, chanting, reiki share, etc. conscious celebration, singing, dancing, theatre, comedy, performances, and other fun activities would be great too (as long as they are aligned with the overall intention of the community). it’d be good to have both planned events and spontaneous activities that are inspired in the moment or that day. one idea might be to alternate between days of planned activities and quiet days, so anyone who wants to embrace silence and simply be has the quiet space to do so regularly. silent community meals would be a neat practice [it doesn’t have to be for all of them]. we could get a bus and go on community field trips to go explore local places. [the bus could also serve as a way to pick up a group who’s traveling to our community from the city or elsewhere via train]

education — the community could have regular classes for anyone whom lives on site or nearby (or online). the classes could be in the areas related to what we are doing, such as sustainability, spirituality, wellness, healing, etc

density — i see different levels of density available. there could be a row of closely-spaced tiny homes or buildings for a main street type feel, as well as larger buildings with individual rooms/units rented out. these would be near the community hall. there would also be buildings or tiny homes spaced out on larger pieces of land. these would have room for one’s own yard if one desires and natural or farm areas surrounding the units. some could be spaced much further apart with plenty of natural area around for the feeling of being completely immmersed in nature yet be walking or biking distance to the other homes + hall [this is ideally what i would like for my spot].

inspiration — the center/community can serve as a model for others to follow to create their own sustainable communities elsewhere. [in the future, we could also expand our community and create our own additional locations] we could host workshops or tours to show and teach others what we’ve done and how well its worked, and potentially offer consulting to anyone who wants to start their own community up.

here’s something i wrote earlier this year (scroll down to the very long paragraph) that has some additional ideas in it:
markmarano.com/2018/01/29/17928/ (Fili, i already sent this one to you back when i wrote it)

it’s beautiful when things begin to flow effortlessly on their own. this comes from learning to surrender and trust. i’ve seen as the more i let go (of control), the more i am allowing the divine to take over and flow into and through my life. today i renewed my driver’s license and registration (i decided to go today as it’s ‘pi’ day and i thought it’d be fun as it would be printed on my license as the renewal date). i received a card in the mail saying i needed to go in person this time to renew. i had a some thoughts about being uncertain if they’d make me do an eye exam and if i’d have any issues as i haven’t been to the eye doctor in a long time (i had lasik surgery back in 2005 and went for a check-up sometime shortly after that but not anytime recently). i can see fine though i’ve spent a lot of time in front of the computer screen these past weeks/months and was wondering if that would have affected my vision. i also feel like, on this spiritual journey, as i tune into higher energies/frequencies/etc that sometimes my vision of the physical plane may not be as crisp, and was possibly a little concerned about that affecting my ability to see normally. when i got to the county or state office to renew my license, the person who walked in before me had made an appointment to renew her license, and the thought crossed my mind that there might be a long wait and that i hadn’t thought of seeing if i could schedule a time online (though the thought did come to me earlier today or yesterday to call to see how long the wait times were and if i could begin my wait time when i called, but i didn’t do so). i didn’t worry too much after i got my number and sat down in the waiting area, and saw there weren’t too many numbers ahead of me per the computer screen. i did feel a bit nervous and wasn’t sure why. perhaps it was due to my concern about my eyes, though i wasn’t actually feeling nervous about it when i previously thought of it. it could have been that i was feeling someone else’s emotions being there in the waiting area or something else. while waiting, i quietly invoked the divine and sent blessings to anyone in the building or who had ever been or will ever be there. i also did a little bit of breathe awareness meditation with my eyes closed while waiting (to try to help me relax and stop the nervousness). my number came after a short wait, and i walked around the corner to the booth i was called to, to see many more waiting seats in a larger area that i thought would’ve been a better spot. when i told the guy at the booth that i needed to renew my license, he began the process and said that i needed to do a vision test. i looked into the device to read the line he told me to read and i read it without any issues. i could see the mind almost doubting a couple of the letters that could’ve appeared to be something else if i looked too quickly, though i passed fine. another thing that was a bit funny was that i had decided to wear a white shirt as my old license had a blue background color behind my photo, and this background ended up being wight. it was funny as i had had the thought cross my mind of what if it was a white background they were now using and i just appeared to be a floating head on my license. it does appear like that a little bit but with the design of the new licenses, its not so bad, and its nice to feel like there’s a white glow of good energy around me. i also had a bit of a concern that perhaps they were going to ask me to pay extra to renew the registration on my van as the pricing on the paperwork they had mailed to me didn’t seem to match any of the numbers i had seen online, though again there wasn’t any issue and i’m pretty sure the amount he told me was what it had said on the form i received in the mail. when i was there with the guy, he made a comment about it being so quiet today, saying that normally all the seats on that side are filled (and they were pretty empty) and there are screaming kids running around. perhaps the divine presence had filled the space when i called it forth while there. or simply meditating created this peace, or the peace just simply follows me wherever i go as i’m usually pretty peaceful. also, earlier in the day i had set an intention / asked the divine / manifested the experience of the renewal going smoothly with no issue and not a long wait. it seems that the universe / divine had created this reality for me, despite whatever nervousness i was briefly feeling while waiting.

i suppose sometimes when i’m not paying attention to consciously creating this experience of reality, i forget that its still occurring or that i can do so. a couple or few days ago i was looking at some old files on my hard drive, working on purging things and files i didn’t need, and i came upon some signs of how i’ve been creating this reality and signs of how i had a good bit of awareness, even some 20+ years ago, before i had any conscious interest or idea of being on a spiritual path. it was also nice to be able to remember how i used to flow in different times of my life in the past, and how i was happy simply being me and connecting with another. and, a little bit to my surprise or intrigue, i saw how an actual file i remembered saying one thing now read to say something else, and i hadn’t changed it or opened it since early 2010 when i had run a numerology software program to generate the file with the report.. around that time i was becoming more aware and interested in spiritual growth, and though i had just had an experience of oneness (of seeing and feeling others as being parts of myself) shortly before generating the numerology report, i didn’t truly experience much more release, healing, growth, awakening, transformation, shifts in perspective, etc until later that year when i attended the avatar course.. so it makes sense that with the growth i went through after the file was generated, that it’d be possible for the reality it described to change, though i didn’t realize that it would mean the actual file changing.. i was thinking that i’d have to have forgotten what it actually said (and not been attached to that reality) for it to be able to change. however, in this case, i remembered what it previously said, and it still changed (it was pretty significant and made sense what it said, so i’m pretty certain it actually read differently and its not that i just remembered it being different or misinterpreted what it meant). perhaps this is what others describe as the mandela effect. i suppose with the transformation i had gone through years ago, i could’ve stepped into a different timeline or reality, and i’m remembering what occurred in the previous timeline or reality i was in. either that, or time really isn’t what we think of it (as i’ve heard others allude to). some speak of all time occurring at once, and perhaps i’m beginning to be able to experience multiple moments in time as well as multiple varieties/dimensions/timelines of time at the same time. or perhaps i’m simply breaking free of the limitations of time, as time, or our perception of it, seems to be a human creation. it seems that as we surrender and release attachments, especially those in the physical, emotional, and mental planes, we free up our ability to experience the higher realms of consciousness and reality, as well as have more energy available to create this experience of reality. this all makes sense, and i’ve experienced this before in different ways, and i’m grateful for the journey i’m on. it was a bit of a roller coaster in recent months, especially with the health challenges i faced, though i’m glad i’ve made it through and am continuing to grow and expand in new directions. it’s exciting to be alive and to flow with life!

back to the story.. after i left the county or state office and was walking back to my van in the parking lot, i felt a subtle sense of peace. it was good to have taken care of it, and had one less thing to think about doing. the more we release in different ways, either by taking care of things or letting go our attachment to needing to do things or whatnot, we free our energy, and are then able to be more present and experience the beauty of reality and life much more naturally. i stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and at first when i pulled into the parking lot, i wasn’t seeing a lot of open spaces in the area where i typically park, and as i kept going forward i saw something right at the end of an adjoining aisle/lane, and was easily able to pull into it. at the store, things flowed nicely, and i was able to briefly connect with the cashier whom i shared i was going to a meditation when she asked if i had any plans for the evening. i felt fine telling her that and asking her if she ever meditated and then telling her about the meditation at the flowering heart center which she said maybe she’d check out sometime. a lot of times in the past, when i haven’t been experiencing life flowing, when i’ve been in some form of resistance or worry or whatnot, i haven’t been able to connect with others easily nor have i felt okay sharing anything about meditation, higher consciousness, spirituality, etc. i think perhaps its come from experiences i’ve had in the past in trying to share these things with others whom didn’t understand (or perhaps weren’t ready to hear them), though i’m grateful to be able to experience the divine flowing through me in this way. earlier today, my dad was complaining about me being the cause of his negativity (as simple things i did, such as opening up the window blinds a different way than he or my mom do, triggered him to be upset or angry).. i don’t recall exactly what i said though i spoke something about me not being able to cause it, and it being good to let the negativity out (and joked in a sense about me helping him do this) or get rid of the negativity rather than hold it inside. i had thought about saying something more detailed about how he’s triggered by so many things such as lots of other drivers (and how i used to be though i no longer experience those drivers showing up, and if they do, they don’t bother me at all the large majority of the time) but didn’t. i’m not sure if he really understood what i meant or not, though hopefully it helped a part of him begin to realize that he doesn’t need to get upset about so many little things.

it’s nice to allow this all to flow through me. in the recent past, i’ve felt blocked in being able to write or create or whatnot. a lot of times in recent years i was either forcing it or it wasn’t flowing through quite like i had previously known. it all comes down to where we are energetically.. by surrendering and letting go of attachment to outcome, we open ourselves up to allow the divine to flow through us in magnificent ways.

i made it back.. had some thoughts on beliefs when walking before dinner, lets see if i can remember.. my first thought was something like i have no idea anymore :) then some thoughts about beliefs themselves.. i believe that our beliefs and perceptions are what create our reality. this is partly what i’ve learned from others teaching, though also partly in what i’ve learned experientially. we can choose to believe something that is good for ourselves and create a reality that we enjoy, or we can choose to believe things that do not serve us and end up having a tough time in life.. we can choose to believe things that serve everyone as a whole and we’ll likely experience a much more beautiful world and connection with others and the divine than if we choose to believe things that are only self-serving. it seems that too many self/ego-serving beliefs and desires are what have caused so much of the struggle and situation we are now facing on earth. some, if not all of these, stem from some sort of fear, or something one isn’t (or many aren’t) willing to face. sometimes beliefs are created out of resistance to situations as its easier to do so than fully experience what is happening when its something we don’t like (which in itself is a belief of what we desire and resist, and what is good and bad). there was something else in there, lets see if i can remember…

it’s not coming to me in these few seconds i waited for it.. perhaps it will appear later. or perhaps it has dissolved or wasn’t there to begin with :) as far as individual beliefs, or what you asked me to be my core beliefs, i believe humanity is collectively awakening and evolving and that we will see drastic changes in society in our lifetime as a result. i know others are saying this as well, though i do also see signs of it unfolding. it seems that what is happening currently is what i thought of as the last stand of the ego.. it knows its on its way out and is fighting to survive. (which seems to be similar to what i’ve felt in my own experience lately) thank you, btw, for asking this question, as i was just thinking recently of writing a vision for a new world, and this could be an intro to it, though not sure i will write it all here for ya as it might get to be a bit lengthy :) essentially it will be a world of peace, where we each sense the connection to each other and the planet, and live in harmony as such. we’ll likely still be experiencing from different levels of consciousness and awareness, though as more and more of collectively evolve and become more loving and are able to see that we have more in common than what separates us (and can see that the things that do separate us really aren’t what we think they are and are simply limiting perspectives or beliefs), we’ll release what no longer serves us and naturally open ourselves up to connecting to each other, the world, god, etc. ah, that reminded me of what i was thinking earlier.. that so many people live with indoctrinated beliefs that come from outside of themselves and go to great lengths to defend their beliefs or viewpoints, when they weren’t even something they came up with themselves.. they were merely fed those beliefs by someone else trying to control them or whom didn’t know any better. as humanity gains more clarity and awareness over this, we’ll be able to grow more quickly. it seems to be happening with people not tolerating various injustices.. which i feel to be most effective, one’s approach in doing so must be carefully chosen, and be one coming from a higher vibration of love and offering a more loving or inclusive viewpoint rather than one that comes from an approach of fighting or resisting what is. not only does this work better energetically as there is no resistance, but as well in the physical world, as those being opposed will be more open to listen to someone coming from a higher place rather than just another mind/ego from the same level of fighting or control or resisting they are coming from.

another thought that came to me as i was walking was regarding my own personal perspective.. i don’t recall the exact words that came to me earlier, though it was basically about the part where i said i have no idea anymore.. i think i went into i don’t even know who i am anymore.. but in reality, i do know who i am as the one who is experiencing through this body and mind others think of or perceive as mark marano, though it’s more that i don’t know who mark marano is anymore, as mark marano can be whomever i decide and choose mark marano to be, based upon my own beliefs and chosen perspectives. i can pick anything i desire, and choose to be it. the difficult part for me has been knowing what to decide, hence having gone back to old ways as i mentioned earlier today, as i think at some point i realized that i liked me (the old me) and still had some exploring to do. however it seems that i got carried away with it or lost in that identity for too long that was no longer serving me, that the divine presented me with the recent health challenges (and other challenges before that regarding my projects) as a bit of a wake up call telling me its time to move on. i don’t know exactly where i’ll go from here in the future, though i do have some ideas, and i know it will be better than the past as i continue to expand, grow, and evolve. and its possible it won’t be a huge shift in my whole life in everything i do, but more of a subtly profound shift in how i perceive and experience life.

regarding choosing beliefs, i recall, from years back, that i felt something along the lines of it being better to let go of beliefs that no longer serve rather than taking on lots of new beliefs. it seems that the latter can simply feed the ego/mind/identity more than it needs to, especially if one gets too caught up in one’s own beliefs and needing to defend one’s beliefs or prove themselves or the beliefs right. by putting forth more effort into emptying oneself of one’s beliefs (or allowing life to do so), one creates more peace and space and freedom from which to experience life. and, if one so desires, one can still choose to create some beliefs that do serve one’s desires or perspectives that will help humanity evolve and transform, though one may not find it necessary to do so, as when one is living from a more empty place, a blank canvas so to speak, one will be more in tune with the divine, and the divine can naturally and more effortlessly flow through one’s life in a manner that does serve humanity and life itself.

wow, it feels like i created this whole reality. i mean the whole thing, with the planets and stars and everything. it feels like the sort of thing i would create. [perhaps i created it in order to have a playground to experience this thing called life, which was also created.]

it also feels like i created this within a dream, another level deeper than in this waking reality.. like i woke up inside a dream where i was dreaming and realized this. and i was watching myself think and type this [while trying to avoid the distractions that were there, and now i just stepped out of that, knowing that was not real, and woke up into this waking state as i realized i wasn’t typing it in a place that was real or that would be preserved in this illusion of truth].

[2017.11.14 2:52am]

[i haven’t written in a while or had this sort of insight/inspiration in quite a while. it feels good to have the realization and allow the words to flow through somewhat naturally. i look forward to more. perhaps this is part of the whole journey in the van. i’ve been wondering what my purpose was, and i’ve been thinking of quitting photography altogether as it was no longer feeling like it used to [in terms of the drive, excitement, etc]. and now i remember when i did travel in the truck camper out west, and when random realizations would come to me. this sort of feeling is what really drives me.. a connection to a deeper truth or understanding of the universe and this creation called life.]

it’s beautiful how all the little pieces come together on their own when in tune or aligned with the divine, or when simply open to it. i’ve noticed a few little miracles or synchronicities these past few weeks, and just had a couple little ones this morning.. i’d been trying to sell some old things as i prepare to make some changes in my life and i saw one sold unexpectedly over this weekend, but i still had quite a number of things that have been sitting there for a while that hadn’t sold, even after dropping the price quite a bit. i decided i was done and was going to just donate them to the library or elsewhere (after briefly thinking i could give them yet another shot and almost doing so). after gathering together the things i’d be donating into a box, i was going to prepare to send out the one that sold and i noticed that another thing had just unexpectedly sold in that short time! (both of these were not super valuable but also not the least expensive things i was selling either) by surrendering my attachment to selling the ones i’d be donating, another one i still was going to sell sold right then. sometimes we just have to do things a little differently or simply let go of attachment or control. it was nice to have a little bit of unexpected income. and it was nice to see that i had finally gotten most of the pile of things i wanted to sell out of the corner of the room where they’d been stacking up for a long time. sometimes we just gotta make the decision to move forward and the divine will take that step with us and for us. as my printer was down, i went over to my folks’ place to print out the shipping labels there. i thought i was just going to be there for a few minutes and then leave, though ended up staying a bit longer as my mom offered me a little lunch. after my sister arrived on her lunch break (since my mom was babysitting my nephew), i felt i should get going to make it to the postal box before the pickup time that was approaching. i had biked over since it warmed up quickly (another nice little thing that happened today as i was thinking i’d have to drive if it didn’t warm up until later), and wanted to have enough time to make it before the postal carrier went by. as i hopped on my bike and started to make it a few houses down the street, i saw the local postman coming to drop off mail. i stopped my bike, got out the couple packages and as soon as i walked across the street, he was pulling up to the house that was there. since i no longer had to bike to the postal box, i decided to take the longer route home and rode by the nice park between here and there. i took my time and made a couple short stops to embrace nature on the beautiful day it had become. another nice little thing that happened was that i had gotten an expected call from a new client when i was out. when i got back home, i listened to his message and gave him a call back as it sounded like he needed some computer help. he ended up resolving that though had good news about an investment opportunity he had recently told me about. i was starting to wonder how it was going this weekend and as i temporarily forgot about it this morning when in the midst of what i wrote above, i unexpectedly got positive news about the direction its going in. so often it seems simply letting go, surrendering, or forgetting (or forgiving or focusing on something else or anything along those lines) is the key to allowing the divine to effortlessly unfold unexpected miracles in life.

six weeks ago today, in a less-than-brilliant moment, i decided to walk across a concrete barrier/dam at the edge of a retention pond in a local park. it appeared that the water was barely going over the top of the concrete and was really only flowing a bit in the middle. i took a step forward on to it and the next thing i knew, i was falling down. i hadn’t thought about the possibility of the ledge being quite slippery. apparently that part of the ledge was darker because there were some really slippery plants or algae growing on it. on the way down, i felt my right hand let go of the tripod that was holding my camera on it. i thought to myself something like “really?” the camera was not waterproof nor water resistant, and i had it custom modified to photograph infrared light. the modification cost much more than the camera itself and it likely wouldn’t be covered by a warranty once the repair shop saw it was altered (let alone if they saw it had water damage). i landed on my butt on the ledge. it was a bit of a miracle (or divine grace or simple luck as some may call it) that i didn’t fall into the pond or slip in a way that i hit my head. i did have a few cuts that were bleeding a little but it wasn’t that bad. my phone in my pocket and keys in the other pocket didn’t fall out or get splashed (i was lucky as i had damaged my previous phone simply by using it with wet hands while using its flashlight to try to find a camera that fell into the gulf early last year). realizing i was okay, i placed my keys and phone on the ledge to avoid any further loss when rescuing the camera out of the pond. i didn’t see exactly where it had landed as i was looking forward while it went flying to my side or behind me. thinking of it, i don’t remember if i even was looking at that point.. all i remember was in that moment knowing i was falling, feeling the camera let go and hearing it go into the water (and thinking really god?), and then realizing i was on the ledge wet. i must’ve completely surrendered to the moment as soon as i realized i was falling and couldn’t do anything about it.

the tripod and camera were completely underwater and i couldn’t see them from where i was. the water was very dark and i didn’t know how deep the pond was. when i reached into the water in the direction i thought it might be, my hand quickly found the tripod and i lifted it out of the water. apparently it wasn’t that deep or the tripod landed in a manner that i was able to reach it. i’m glad i didn’t have to dive in to try to find it. i pulled out the battery and memory card and let it sit in the sun. i then (much more carefully) made my way across the ledge to retrieve one of my sandals that had floated away when i fell. my shorts were soaked and i didn’t have a towel in the car so i waited a while in hopes they’d dry out in the sun. i removed the lens from the camera and changed its position while waiting to hopefully dry it out as much as possible. while sitting there not knowing how i was going to drive home without getting my front seat wet, the idea came to me of emptying out my messenger bag and just sitting on that. while not as ideal as a towel, i thought it could work and i ended up dropping my shorts as they were still very wet and sitting in my boxers on the bag. i wondered if anyone would see me but stopped worrying a little sometime during the drive and focused more on that. luckily, it wasn’t that long of a drive home though the shorts lowered around my legs probably made driving and working the clutch a little more challenging (can’t remember exactly at the moment). it was also good that none of the neighbors were out when i was getting out of my car in the parking lot at my condo. after making it home, i probably showered as i didn’t know how clean the water in the retention pond was as there was a water treatment plant nearby and i wondered if that was where the water was coming from as the ponds seemed to be man-made (it didn’t smell bad like it was sewage water though i still wondered).

that evening, i went to help my friend michael at the flowering heart center in clearwater with something on his website before the weekly satsang. when i got out of the car to go inside, my back really hurt just getting up. later that night and the next day, the body was hurting a good bit. i decided to take it easy and try to rest that following day. i had left the 528hz miracle tone playing on my computer (i may have left it playing overnight, and had it playing in the background during the day). sometime that afternoon i realized that i was feeling better and 90% of the pain was gone. i don’t remember exactly when, maybe a couple or few days later, all the pain was completely gone. the scrapes and cuts healed soon after. i can still see a little bit of where one of the cuts was on my arm, though it feels smooth and pretty normal.

after the memory card was dry, i downloaded all my images without a problem. over the past few weeks i left the camera sitting so it could completely dry out. for the first few days or week, i had it in the glovebox of my car thinking the heat of the car could help dry it out. most of the time after that, it was sitting in the sun in a plastic zip-lock bag with silica gels in my condo. i would move it or flip it every so often. i did pull the camera out of the bag at one point after the first week or two to dry out the silica gel and bag in the oven. the bag had melted to itself and ended up with a few small holes in it when i tried to pull it apart, though i still put the camera back in with the silica gels (probably the next day). during the last couple weeks, i almost forgot about it when i left it on the windowsill where it’d get the sun during a good part of the day. the other night, i turned on my oven to 170 degrees, the lowest temperature i could set it to, and then turned it off as soon as it beeped that it was up to temperature. i opened it up for a little bit to let some heat escape, and then placed my camera on a paper towel on top of an oven mitt, along with the lens (that had just sat in my office, sometimes in the sun, sometimes not). i checked it a couple or few times after putting it in, opening the oven door for a little bit to let some heat go out to make sure i wouldn’t melt anything inside, and then left it there overnight. the day after, i pulled it out and left it in the sun in my office for a day or two.

yesterday, not really knowing if it’d work or not, i popped in the battery and turned it on. it was asking for the date like it did when i first got it. the screen looked normal and it was working. i set the date and went through the menus to see that it appeared to have remembered all the other settings i had previously set. i grabbed a lens to test it, and saw that the camera appeared to be working totally fine even before i focused the lens. i inserted a memory card and it saved a couple photos like normal. when i played them back, it was showing them as vertical when they were shot horizontally. perhaps the orientation sensor wasn’t working, though if that’s the only loss, i could deal with having to correct the rotation of images on the computer (and who knows, it might start working eventually.. for now, i adjusted the setting so the camera doesn’t automatically rotate the images upon playback). it does appear that the infrared-pass filter (that was installed in front of the sensor where the ir-cut filter typically is) could be cleaned, though again, if cleaning the sensor is really all it needs, that’s no big deal (and its still functional shooting at wider apertures where the dust or watermarks don’t really affect the picture so much). i really didn’t know if i was going to have completely lost the camera or have to pay a lot of money to repair it (or maybe just use the gopro camera i converted to infrared instead, or convert my older mirrorless camera myself rather than pay a lot for the professional conversion again), though i am grateful i don’t have to worry about any of that. i tested the lens and it works totally fine too (and it’s an autofocus lens with a power zoom mechanism so has more electronics and moving parts than most of my lenses). the lens may need to be cleaned a little but i didn’t notice the watermarks affecting the picture quality in the quick test shots i took yesterday. (i wasn’t worried at all about the lens and was willing to accept that it died if the camera would’ve worked, though am glad both are working)

another thing that worked out is that the new wide angle lens i recently got appears to work with the infrared-modified camera. a lot of lenses often have ‘hot’ spots appear in the center of the image as they’re not designed to photograph in the infrared spectrum of light. it looks like this one may have a little bit of a hot spot that’s more noticeable if i stop it down, though it’s not as noticeable at wider apertures. and it’s definitely far less noticeable than the previous wide angle lens i was using before i decided to get this new replacement lens. i primarily got this lens for star-lapses and use on my regular color camera as it’s faster and easier to focus in low light. it’s an added bonus that i can also use it for infrared photography when i wasn’t expecting to be able to (as i recall seeing it on a list of lenses that don’t work for infrared).

always remember to look for the good in life. even when things don’t happen the way you want them to, they still can work out. falling into the pond, thinking i may have just destroyed an expensive camera, and feeling physical pain were not exactly what i wanted to experience, though i surrendered and accepted it, and inside, i truly believed it was possible that the camera would be totally fine and it was. when we believe something can happen, we open the door for the universe to present us with that possibility. i realize not everyone may believe that the world is a product of their beliefs, thinking, or perception, nor have faith that a higher power can work miracles, though even to the skeptic, over-analytical, or scientific mind, just think of the possibility that the camera and lens were only immersed underwater for around a minute or so (or maybe less, i didn’t sit there counting the time) and that water may not have found its way into the most critical components of the camera, or even if it did, it may not have been that dirty and by pulling out the battery quickly, not much electricity may have run through it to short out in that brief time and all it needed was to dry completely. being open to the possibility that something can happen, regardless of if you believe its happening because of something scientific or spiritual, allows for that possibility to unfold in your experience of life.

sometimes the best thing we can do is simply relax, accept/surrender/allow, and forget about what happened so the mind doesn’t take us somewhere we don’t want to go. had i been worried or resisting the whole situation, who knows what would’ve happened.. the physical pain may have lasted longer and who knows if the camera would’ve worked or not. i had the thought cross my mind that maybe i should’ve put the camera in the oven closer to when it first happened to try to get out any water and moisture that may be inside, though i didn’t worry about it and just trusted that it’d be okay. i also began to accept the possibility that maybe i wouldn’t have it and would have to shoot with my infrared gopro camera or not at all.. i became detached from the outcome. this became easier as i was starting to see myself too engulfed by my photography and began thinking maybe i should quit or stop altogether. perhaps that’s part of what manifested the camera falling in the water. i thought that when it happened though then thought okay, i don’t really want to lose the camera as being the reason i have to quit. it was funny as just a minute or two before i decided to walk across the concrete edge/dam, i was getting tired of shooting the long video clips. had i followed the feeling of not wanting to photograph any more at that time, it wouldn’t have happened. instead, i followed the mind thinking maybe i should stay a little longer which took me into the water. [it’s funny seeing how i just wrote that and how that ties right in to how i started this paragraph.. i added these last few sentences later and wasn’t really thinking about where it was going and i just realized that i was guided to tie it all together.. that’s the beauty of learning to live through feeling, flow, or the heart rather than living through the thoughts of the mind all the time… and it looks like this that i just wrote ties in to the next sentence too (which i had previously written).. its brilliant how the divine flows like that!] as i’ve learned to shift my perspectives on life and what’s happening (especially the parts i don’t like so much), i’ve learned to trust that the divine is guiding me and everything is working out exactly as it should. i’ve learned to stop trying to force things to work out or make them happen, and just try and know they will happen (or something better will). it’s a far simpler approach and allows you to enjoy life along the way much more. yes, there still is ‘doing’, though the more time we spend ‘being’, the more we open ourselves up to be able to experience the true beauty this life has to offer. life truly is a magical experience if we open ourselves up to experience it as such. the more i relax and trust, the more i can see this. i’ve had unexpected moments recently where i just felt much more peaceful, relaxed, or have felt the presence of divine / unconditional love or something beautiful yet difficult to describe in words. i wasn’t trying to create these feelings.. they just presented themselves to me in this journey. it feels like part of it happens from this whole process i’ve been describing of letting go, trusting, surrendering, etc, etc.. it opens us up to flow with life more or for life to flow through us more. we get back on track, in tune, and things work out much more simply or effortlessly, and we live more fully in the present.

so what can we do to embrace life more fully in this manner? it’s best not to try to ‘do’ anything, though if we do want to something, spend time looking at your life internally. go deep within and look at the beliefs and stories you’ve made up about life. see that’s all they are: beliefs and stories that were made up (or told to you by someone else and you took them on). and decide to let them go if they’re no longer serving you. as we bring to light and become aware of these aspects of ourselves that may be unconscious, we can then deliberately decide whether we want to keep this as part of our consciousness or not. if it’s something that no longer serves us, we simply fully experience it and let it go. the more we let go, or forget, the more room we open up for whatever we do want in life, or for whatever is already there waiting for us (but unable to arrive because we’re so full of the past self-limiting beliefs or pre-conceived notions). all we have to do is shift our energy/consciousness in order to see changes in our physical and mental reality. the mind likes to keep track of things and remember, though this remembering does not serve us. this keeping track eats up our attention and prevents us from experiencing new things in life or simply being fully present and alive in the here and now. forgetting can be handy in the physical world too.. i had forgotten about some fruit i had purchased that i left in the fridge and have been eating the remainder of it the last couple/few days. today, just before writing the last couple paragraphs, i ate the last mango i had. it was much softer and more ripe than the previous ones and it tasted so much better and sweeter. had i been thinking too much about making sure i eat all of it before it goes bad, i would’ve had it sooner and wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy it as much as i did. it was the best conventional mango i’ve had out of all the ones i got in the recent weeks. perhaps that wasn’t the best example or didn’t exactly fit in here, though i wanted to share how good it was :) getting back to looking at the limiting beliefs, it’d be good to really look at every single aspect of your life and every single aspect of how you perceive life itself, and observe where it all comes from and see/realize how these beliefs/perspectives are really altering and creating your perception of this reality. you could get lost in this so you don’t need to spend every single moment doing this, though it’d be helpful to do as often as you feel helpful. if you’re feeling stuck or that life is not flowing like it could, then it’d be helpful to spend a good bit of time engaging in the inner work so you can work through whatever blocks are there. if your life is okay or even going well but you’re still feeling a little bored or like there could be something more fulfilling in life, then that’s another time to dive into your consciousness and discover what may be lurking within. other things to ‘do’ in this journey would be to simply do what inspires you and what you feel driven or called to do.. there’s a reason you feel so passionate about something, so follow it and see where it takes you. it could be a lifelong adventure or it could be something short-lived that takes you to something else. whatever it is is fine.. it’s taking you one step further along your journey so embrace it. life is a never-ending process. if we feel too stagnant, then that’s when we begin to feel stuck or feelings and thoughts that don’t serve us may begin to linger. if we regularly shift how we’re feeling, what we’re doing, or how we’re perceiving life, we can continue to grow, evolve, and expand, and can bring about great change not just in our own lives but also in the lives of others and of the earth. if we already are following our passions and inspiration, then it’s also good to take time to just relax, meditate, or go to nature, and ground ourselves back here on earth in the present moment. this balance of engaging with our inspiration or higher calling/purpose and of simply being will help us along the journey so our energy isn’t just entirely focused on the same thing all the time. it will open us up for new possibilities and growth if we make subtle changes, even if its as simple as changing the time of day you do things or the order you do things in.

life can really be simple if we allow it to be. finding peace is as simple as learning to shift our own perceptions of life. creating peace in the world is as simple as practicing this and sharing this with others. the more of us that discover and create inner peace, the more quickly we’ll see peace manifest and unfold in the outer world. the beautiful world we desire is closer than we think.

four years ago today [2012.11.14]

i woke up in the guest room at my friend's home in houston.  it was nice to have more space than the camper and to have a real shower in the morning.  and it was good to see them as i hadn't seen them much after they had moved to houston.  i headed east to continue on the drive to florida.  i drove most of the day and stopped to meet a friend for dinner who was living in lousiana.  we ate at a local place in her town.. it had a nice feel to it and we chatted for a couple hours.  it was good to see her and catch up.  afterwards, i got on the road and continued east to mississippi, where i spent the night at a rest area.

on this day, i had driven to and through all of the contiguous states in the country that were west of the mississippi river.  it had been a ten week long journey by myself, and it was really great to get to see a number of familiar faces on the way home from the west coast.  i was almost back to florida and was looking forward to taking a break from driving so much.
four years ago today [2012.11.11]

i woke up in the rain just west of the missouri border and headed in to explore a green spot on the map before heading south to the ozarks in arkansas on the not so direct route to oklahoma where i would spend the night.  i stopped briefly at a park in the green area in missouri where it was really windy before continuing along the drive.  i was surprised with steep hills in arkansas where i also encountered a lot of rain again.  south of the ozarks, i hopped on the interstate west toward oklahoma and took a road down to a couple of green spots on the map.  i found a wide area to the side of the road at one of the green spots where i decided to stop and spend the night.  just after i got settled into the camper, i saw flashing lights behind my truck.  i didn't really want to deal with being told i couldn't stay there or anything.. luckily they must've been pulling over another car as they left after a little while and didn't bother me.  this is one of the times where i would've preferred to be in a large white van as it'd be less obvious than a camper (and i wouldn't have had to go out in the wet or cold morning either), though i'm grateful for being able to sleep in so many places undisturbed on my journey.
four years ago today [2012.11.09]

after waking up in a parking lot, i got on the interstate and headed towards taos.  i was excited to go check out the earthships there.  i had first seen one in a book a number of years ago, shortly after i had moved to chicago i believe.  i had a bit of a drive ahead of me as i was still west of albuquerque.

i stopped at the rio grande gorge bridge just a little west of the earthship visitor center.  there was a nice, unique feeling in the air.. perhaps it was due to being a pretty high elevation, near 7000 ft above sea level, or it was just the energy of the surrounding land.  i went to the earthship visitor center and explored for a little while.  the girl there was nice and offered to show me one of the smaller simple survival models had i been staying around, though i had to get on the road.  had i known i didn't have to go up to chicago until later, i would've been able to take my time on the journey back to florida.  it would've been nice to check out the other earthship and connect with the girl who worked there.  this is another time on the trip where needing to stick to a rigid plan prevented me from being spontaneous and making a new friend.

after leaving, i headed north and saw a couple of rainbows to the east before crossing the colorado border.  i was on my way over to the great sand dunes national park and preserve.. i never knew there were sand dunes in colorado until i found it on the map when i was looking for places to explore in the state.  there was an interesting, unique feeling to colorado.  perhaps it was the high elevation and the low angle of the sun.. i recall the light appearing quite unlike anything else i had seen (perhaps it was that it'd been a long time since i'd been up north in the winter, and this rapid change in light over just a couple days appeared more drastic).

i got to the park where i explored a little bit, got some photos of the dunes and clouds, and saw another rainbow as i was leaving.  i was going to meet a friend who was living in the middle of the state though he ended up being unavailable, so i headed east to continue the journey to florida.
four years ago today [2012.11.06]

i woke up at the edge of the grand canyon before dawn.  i headed over to another nearby overlook to photograph the sun's rays lighting the canyon as it rose.  i then went over to point imperial where i discovered a beautiful view of the canyon.  it was filled with fog or smoke from recent fires, and the formations in the canyon seemed to go far off into the distance.  before leaving, i went to bright angel point, and found the whole canyon there filled with thick smoke from the fires.  i had to wait a little bit to leave the park as the rangers made sure the road out was clear.

on my way to bryce canyon, i headed back to utah and stopped at some rock formations i saw at the side of the road in the dixie national forest.  it was nice to find beautiful red rocks on my way to the national park.  the landscape of the west was so nice to drive through.. each little bit was unique in its own way.  i made it to bryce canyon in the afternoon and quickly explored all the overlooks before the end of the day.  there were lots of tourists at some of the spots.. i had seen professional photos of bryce canyon a long time ago and always thought the shots were taken somewhere remote or after a hike, and discovered most of the overlooks were very close to the parking lot with the spectacular views right there.  the light was really brilliant and soft after the sun went down.. the colors in the sky and canyon below were magnificent.

i remember thinking of photographing the stars at bryce canyon though i didn't think i would be able to get the angle or shot i wanted from where i would've been able to set up the camera on top of the camper.  i know i could've set up a shorter shot without plugging the camera into the camper, though it was getting pretty cold even at sunset, and i don't think i had a jacket or coat with me on the trip.  i headed over to grand staircase-escalante national monument instead.  it was a dark, bumpy, long, and winding dirt road, sometimes right at the edge of cliffs.  early in i encountered water on the road and almost wondered if i should keep going as i’d seen a warning about flooding at the entrance.
four years ago today [2012.11.03]

i woke up in palm desert at the campground by the interstate, and continued to explore the desert.  i took a short drive over to joshua tree national park where i spent most of the day.

on one of the roads i noticed an interesting little desert plant with bright yellow arms, the cholla cactus.  i wanted to get a photo or video clip of one.. i missed a couple of them i had seen while driving though didn't turn back, hoping i'd still see more.  not too much further up the road i discovered a spot with hundreds of them all around.  i set up my tall tripod / light stand with my camera and spun it around for a degree video clip of the whole area.  after doing so, i went back to the camper and grabbed the motor i had for 360x180 photos and put the camera on that to get a much smoother video clip.  i went through a few iterations of experimentation and finally ended up with the camera rotating on the motor all the way at the maximum height of the stand with the extension pole on there, 25 feet in the air.  it took an hour to do all the variations of the technique i tried, including a few still shots.  i hadn't really done too much experimentation during the trip.. i'd been so busy shooting video clips and time-lapses for these films that i barely took still photos, 360x180 degree little planet photos, or anything else.  it was good to get to play a little bit with the techniques.

afterwards, i continued driving further into the park and saw the joshua trees.  i explored both of the main roads in the park and left shortly before the sun set.  i then made my way up toward mojave national preserve and got there after it was dark.  i found a spot where it looked like there was an opening or narrow path, and backed the truck into there to spend the night.
four years ago today [2012.10.31]

i woke up at a campground in the mountains near santa barbara.. it was a winding drive down a dark road the night before.  when i got up i saw there was a horse ranch on the grounds and a different feel to it than the other campgrounds i'd been to.  i made my way back to the coast and headed south on california route 1.  when i got to santa monica, i headed inland toward i-5.  i stopped for a few minutes at a park on a palm tree lined street in beverly hills.. one tree at the park appeared exotic with purple leaves.  i then made my way out of the metro area, and headed south to encinitas to meet richard rudis whom i had purchased a small tibetan singing bowl from.  i had difficulty getting it to sing and met him to exchange it since i was passing through the area.  they were able to play it right away when i arrived and he showed me a lot of other sound healing instruments he had.  i was most interested in a gong and ended up getting that.  i was a little concerned about it making the long trip with me when i'd be on bumpy dirt roads though it was totally fine.  if you’ve never been to one of his gong baths, they’re definitely worth checking out.. i went the following summer to one and it was very powerful.  after i left, i went to a campground not far from the mexican border.  following the gps on the way there, i actually past a u.s. border patrol station before getting to a road that didn't exist and having to turn around.  it was strange that the station was so far inland.. the guy there was nice when i told him i just passed by and was looking for the campground.  he pointed me to the next road that went right there.
four years ago today [2012.10.28]

i experienced an earthquake for the first time.  i spent the whole day at the campground working on my computer.  this was the one time i used the large disk array i had been carrying with me through the whole country.  i was backing up and organizing the video and photo files from the trip so far.  the whole journey ended up taking up a lot of space, some 763+ gigabytes.. i don't recall what i was doing with the files along the journey, probably keeping them on my laptop and portable hard drive.  it was good to get the footage backed up with redundancy so the files would be safe.

i didn't really shoot a lot of footage this day.  these one minute videos i've created for instagram are essentially the full length videos i made but with the time adjusted so it fits in a minute.. this instagram video is actually a little longer than the normal length video i had created this day as i had shot so little.

when i was sitting in the camper this evening, i felt it shake for a few seconds.  i was used to feeling it shake sometimes when the wind blew as it was just sitting on the bed of the truck, though this time there was no wind.  i wondered if it had been an earthquake that had caused it.  i looked it up, and sure enough there was a magnitude 3.9 or 4.0 earthquake that happened about 8 miles from the campground, close to pinnacles national park where i had been the day before.  it was a fun surprise to get to experience a small earthquake.. i didn't expect to actually be in one during my trip.
four years ago today [2012.10.25]

i woke up under the stars in kings canyon and explored more of the canyon on my way back to sequoia national park.  there were many beautiful spots to stop and take it all in.  these parks were another place i could've stayed for quite a while.. most national parks felt like that.  i could've gotten lost in them for days, weeks, or months.. i would think if i could just live in a national park, that'd be perfect.  living life on the road i technically could stay in nature indefinitely and only go to towns or urban areas on my way to the next park or forest.

the giant sequoia trees were so massive.. they are the largest living thing on the planet by volume.  i took a photo of my truck and camper in front of one of the trees and it looked so tiny.  after exploring the other side of the park for a while, i found a quiet meadow path to walk before going to a tree that you could drive through.  my truck and camper barely fit but it cleared by a little bit.  i remember a couple of european guys who were visiting the park being shocked when i drove through.  i was a little concerned going through the first time, though i probably had looked up the clearance height beforehand.

after that, i found a spot a little further up the road with a nice view of the land below.  i hiked to the dome nearby, moro rock, where the panoramic views of the high sierra and canyons were breathtaking.  in the late afternoon light it was beautiful to see the layers of the mountains in the distance and the long winding road below.  the winding road out of the park was under construction and i waited at the longest stop light i'd ever been at.  as the sun went down, i waited 20 minutes for the light to turn green (and most of the time cars weren't coming from the other direction). when it turned green and i headed down, i saw how much of a massive project it was to re-pave the road.  after the wait, it was a long winding drive down, taking me over an hour to get out and find a place to stop less than ten miles outside the park.  if i knew it'd be that long, i might've stayed in the park instead, though was glad to find a place not too far away.

how beautiful it was to simply lay in the grass for a short while on this sunny day. it was cooler today than it has been lately. in the shade, 71 degrees felt a little cold though after walking for a little bit to the lake nearby, it felt nice to just lay down in the sun. at first i thought i’d just walk around the lake or partially around and sit on a bench and then go back home. something told me to go to the grass. it was subtle, though my attention was drawn to it, almost like it was calling to me. at first i resisted, then decided sure, why not. i let go of thinking of what others might think of me just laying down there and just surrendered into the moment. looking up at the deep blue sky, i felt more present and relaxed. a couple bugs landed on me though i didn’t let them bother me too much and then they went away after a bit. the energy of the the brilliant sun and earth below me was grounding. i felt better than i did earlier sitting inside my condo bored trying to think of what to do or resisting being there. something so simple can be so energizing. i feel rejuvenated. just walking toward the pond i felt a little more present or relaxed as i noticed the trees around me and wasn’t thinking so much. relaxing and being present is one of the most beneficial things one can do in life. remember to take some time for yourself to simply be present and do something that calms you. while staring up at the bright blue sky above, i began to see little bits of something in the air.. i had experienced this long before. it felt like i was seeing little bits of energy moving about. i also noticed the little bugs in the air though when i focused in a certain way and noticed the energy, it felt different. it was like it was in a slightly different dimension or plane or something. while laying there i got the idea of driving down to the causeway to shoot a time-lapse of the stars tonight. i had thought of that earlier though wasn’t quite feeling it and was thinking maybe i can do that later as i’ve been shooting footage to create monthly time-lapses and this wasn’t a new month yet and i had also thought of maybe wanting to post still images to instagram of some of the shots along the way.. when you let go of the mind and it’s overthinking or needing things to be a certain way, things flow much more simply. while laying there, i felt like it’d be good to go tonight. i don’t need to wait, and it’d be good to just hang out there while the camera is running and see how cool it gets or how it is to hang out there for a while at night (as i’ve thought of doing van-life next year, and perhaps selling my condo as i may not be able to park it here and living out of the van for a while, and it’d be good to feel what it’d be like to spend more time in nature). so much of the time i spend in nature is usually doing something.. either riding my bike mostly for exercise or walking around to photograph. it was nice to just be present and just be, rather than have to do. it was so calming. it reminded me of how i would sometimes be in the past, though i had lately been so caught up in needing to do. simply being or feeling is so much better than always doing. i looked up at the tree near me and thought what if i wanted to photograph it because it felt so nice and i wanted to capture the moment.. then i thought i could carry a camera and just photograph when i feel inspired but not feel the need to do so all the time, and i also thought i could simply just be and enjoy it without photographing it. there’s no need to capture everything. sometimes it feels like it comes out of the fear of what if that moment never comes again or something like that, though living from a place of being, beautiful moments will always unfold. then the mind also thinks what about wanting to share this beautiful experience with someone else.. but then i could see how many thousands of beautiful images i’ve already created and realize i don’t necessarily need any more. shift how you see aspects of your everyday life, and you’ll see how beautiful the world becomes as you transform. this whole illusion really is a mere byproduct of what we’re feeling.. if we’re not liking our experience or want to change it, all we simply need to do is change our perspective and our perception of it will change what we’re seeing. and sometimes all we need is to take a walk out to nature and fully embrace it and allow ourselves to relax so we can really experience being there rather than thinking or feeling other things we may have been going through. oh, and i almost forgot to add that the whole walk to the lake nearby was inspired.. i walked to get the mail and wasn’t thinking i’d go out to the lake. after checking the mail, i felt like going for a walk to the edge of the pond and followed that feeling. i hadn’t locked the deadbolt on my door though quickly forgot about that and didn’t let that bother me as i thought i’d only be gone for a minute, though when i got there, feeling how nice it was but not knowing what to do, i thought maybe i’d walk around or to the bench on the other side or something.. as i started to make my way around the lake, i then was drawn to the grass after noticing how beautiful it was out and calm i was being out there. simple exploring is so fun and calming. and inspiration is always there for us if we choose to tune into it.

four years ago today [2012.10.20]

after leaving san francisco the day before, i decided to go out to lake tahoe.  i was going to be checking out a custom truck camper manufacturer i had never seen before in person though it was the weekend so needed somewhere to hang around for a couple days.  a while back, a friend had shown me pictures of his trip to tahoe and told me how nice it was.. it was a bit of a spontaneous decision when i decided to head over there.  luckily, there were campgrounds near my route that were part of the network i had a membership to.  i woke up at the campground i stopped at the night before and headed east toward nevada.  the area near the campground i left had a nice feel to it if it's where i'm remembering.

lake tahoe and the nearby area was really beautiful.  i saw fall foliage at one of the spots i found.. the yellow-leaved trees across a field with mountain background were gorgeous.  they were so golden and a pleasant surprise this day.  i drove to the nevada side and explored a few spots by the lake.  while at one of them, a small beach if i recall, i got a call from an old friend who was really down, facing a break up and divorce.  i'd been wondering what i wanted to do on the road and had been missing a community.  i had left a really beautiful spiritual community i'd discovered that summer at the flowering heart center in chicagoland, and also missed some of the fun times hanging out or 'working' with the friend whose business i was help expand up there.  when my friend from florida called in need of help, i thought perhaps i'd head back there after exploring california.  i was also getting tired of driving so much and the camper was small for full time living, especially the times i didn't pop up the top.  i did see a lot of beautiful and stunning places along my journey, though i was a little lonely being by myself the whole time.  the few days i spent time with friends somewhere on the route were nice.

i drove around and explored the lake as dusk approached.  i went looking for a place i could photograph the stars over the water from.. i think i ended up driving far and backtracking, though found a nice spot.
four years ago today [2012.10.17]

i woke up in a parking lot on the point reyes peninsula and began exploring at dawn.  it was quite stunning to be somewhere so beautiful and experience the early morning light.  i wandered about the national seashore as the sun rose and discovered parts of it i never knew existed.  living life on the road was incredible when waking up in such magnificent places.. yes, there were challenges to living out of such a small space, though to get to stay in unique places and be right there during the most brilliant times of day was awesome and inspiring.  this world is really incredibly beautiful and filled with so many majestic places.. you only need to go wander and allow yourself to discover them.

after leaving point reyes, i followed california route 1's winding drive south on the cliffs.  i made some stops to take in the beautiful views on my way to muir woods.  while at muir woods national monument, i hiked a long trail past where all the tourists were and ended up at the panoramic highway before turning around.  on the way out of muir woods, i drove the panoramic highway the long way back to route 1, and then made my way toward sausalito and the marin headlands.  i barely fit the truck in the one parking spot i found on the street in sausalito and walked down to the shops and water for a bit.  at marin headlands, the golden hour light on the city and bridge was really nice as the sun was setting.

i then crossed the golden gate bridge and passed through san francisco on my way to meet a friend for dinner in alameda.  it was many years since i last saw him in college and he had grown and transformed quite a bit.  when it came up in the conversation, i liked how he described it as when he "found himself". it was great and inspiring to see him and learn of his success.  he'd been loving life in california and suggested places to check out.  after dinner, i drove to a nearby green spot on the map in hopes of finding a quiet place to park for the night.  it seemed to always be a challenge finding a spot when it was dark, especially in or near urban areas.  i ended up on the side of the road near homes and kept the top down.
four years ago today [2012.10.13]

i woke up in redwood national park today and went for a short drive up the road where i found a nice grove of trees.  i had seen the tall trees once before and was struck in awe by their beauty and presence.  i was excited to get to see them again, and at a new place i'd never been before (and one that wasn't crowded with tourists either). walking in the woods that morning was really nice.. the light, cool rain added to the experience of being in the forest of giant trees.  after exploring for a bit, i hopped in the truck and went to check out some of the neighboring park areas and then head south along the coast.  my truck got pretty dirty that day when wandering through one of the parks on a wet dirt road.  after finding some nice spots along the coast, i continued along u.s. highway 101 as it went further inland, and spent the night at a rest area just outside the avenue of giants.

it’s interesting to see the variety of beliefs and viewpoints floating around related to current events. something to ponder, that i recalled noticing an aspect of a number of years ago and wondering about.. are spiritual people (or anyone with an open heart) more aware and able to feel what’s truly happening due to heightened intuition, or more gullible as they can easily feel the feelings being conveyed through others (which can be a manipulation tactic by those conveying the feelings), or perhaps both? no answers are required.. simply something to meditate upon and contemplate with yourself.

whatever true answer one may find within oneself, regarding this and anything ‘out there’ in the world, we must also learn to embrace all viewpoints and whatever aspects of truth they may convey, and, most importantly, have compassion for whatever the other is going through. if we are to feel deeply enough into what the other is feeling, beyond what they are saying in the moment, the place of unconditional love we connect through can help dissolve whatever pain or conditioning may be causing their present expression.

during the current quarantine and business closure, let this be a time to reflect, meditate, and go deeply within to feel whatever emotions, fears, or other feelings may be lingering. sitting quietly with whatever it is you’re feeling is one of the most healing things you can do, both for yourself and for the collective consciousness of humanity. internally experience and let go of any old hurts, resistances, judgments, blaming, worries, anger, self-righteousness, the mind’s need for control, and anything else that is no longer serving you or anyone else. by releasing the past and any conditioning or emotional charges (that you are constantly creating the present and future with), you open the door for miracles to unfold in your life and in this reality.

also, let this be a time where we can see a glimpse of vision of our future, as some things happening now will be a part of the new world that is unfolding before us (though don’t worry, the whole fear and worry (and anything to be afraid of) will cease as we collectively awaken).

with less need for humans to work (as more things are automated and/or more people awakening to realize our connection to each other), we’ll all start to see funds being dispersed like most of us in this country will soon be receiving (but on a consistent + regular basis in the future). eventually all need for money (or trade) will cease to exist.

with this consistent universal basic income, people will be less stressed (and more healthy) in not needing to worry about survival.

with self-driving automation and/or less people commuting to a job, there will be no traffic delays on the roads like we currently see.

with more free time, people will be more relaxed and able to spend time quietly meditating or with those that they love (or doing what they feel called to).

as people awaken and realize what really matters in life and/or find themselves more relaxed & at ease, unnecessary consumerism & materialism will disappear.

with more people at ease and having their basic needs met, human suffering will be at its lowest point ever and all violence will cease.

with humanity awakened, relaxed, and living with a compassionate & open heart, all forms of competition and conflict will cease to exist.

with less traffic on the road & less consumption and/or a continued shift toward cleaner energy technologies, we’ll all be able to walk outside and breathe in fresh, clean, healthy air wherever we are on the planet.

with less pollution from less internal combustion engine vehicles on the road (and the upcoming complete transition to all electric vehicles), less pollution from reduction (and soon removal) of all fossil fuel energy production, and less pollution than the excessive goods production & human consumption we’ve known, balance will be restored to the planet, and earth itself along with all its inhabitants (humans, plants, and animals) will thrive and live in perfect peace & harmony with each other.

with a complete transition to renewable energy, simplified & reduced manufacturing, and environmentally-friendly agriculture & permaculture, the land, sky, and water will all be clearer & more beautiful, and we’ll see a significant reduction in natural disasters/reactions of any kind.

as all people & nations come together (letting go of any previous differences) and live in harmony with each other and the planet, we’ll see governments, corporations, banks, military, and all other systems of control (that were created by the fearful mind) fall away & completely dissolve, creating space for a much more brilliant new global society to emerge, one where all beings may equally thrive as co-inhabitants of an abundant earth.

with the awakening and enlightenment of the entire collective consciousness of humanity, we will see all of these and so many more beautiful changes that many cannot even yet imagine. new possibilities to improve all of life will continue to naturally evolve and unfold before us. it will truly be a magnificent time to be alive and experience all the beauty that we can collectively create when living from a divinely inspired place.

from the silence, it all arises

a good, simple experience to have is to lose one’s sense of what day of the week it is or what month of the year it is. these human constructs keep us in the mind. it can be quite profound to realize one is living in the present moment and doesn’t know “when” it is. when this happens, the mind may want to go looking for clues to determine ‘when’ it is, though that is simply a form of resistance to staying with the presence. to begin to have this sort of experience and new perception, look at what changes you can make in life to let go of the need to do things according to a calendar. modern society likes to give people structure, though this is only to control people through conformity and keep them trapped in the conditioning of the mind. let go of routine. do things you might do on one day of the week on another. change the order you do things in, and be more spontaneous and do random things you might rarely do. little changes like this will begin to free you from the grasp of the mind. if you have certain things in life that you see as obligations or responsibilities you have to do at certain times, look into ways that you can replace those with alternatives that don’t limit you so much. if you’re open to new possibilities, you’ll discover that in most any instance there are other ways to live life that allow you to flow in harmony with the divine presence. and yes, one could find a sense of peace with almost any situation, though, from my own experience, letting go of these external attachments, limitations, and influences allow one to live a more inspired life that is open to more profound experiences.

if it’s not divinely inspired, do you really think forcing it will have any effectiveness?

sometimes to connect with god, all one needs to do is write whatever one is feeling (or start with thinking if you’re not yet feeling it from the heart).

sometimes the path to god is through the pen (or the keyboard). [as one works out whatever one is feeling, one creates the space for the divine to brilliantly shine through]

writing is a form of letting go. [when we surrender, forgive, or otherwise release, we create more space for the divine to fill us]

are these things you are hanging on to really worth more to you than the divine grace that can pour through?

it’s amazing how simple it can be. [yet strikingly just as profound how difficult we can make it]

to feel is to be free.

one of the most challenging circumstances can be to feel (from the heart) when surrounded by so many others whom are engulfed by the mind, though the divine can always be found in any situation or place if one delves deep enough.

i had a lot of good insights or inspiration coming to me this morning before getting out of bed. i wanted to share them though was in the place of where i felt that if i got up to start to type them, then i wouldn’t be in the same place or energy where the words were coming from. and the body was feeling quite tired or exhausted and wasn’t quite ready yet to wake up. after i did get up, i felt i should give some nutrition to the body (and got a juice) and then i could start writing. though i was greeted by ego-based distractions from family. perhaps the divine didn’t want me to share this, or perhaps it was the collective ego didn’t want to hear the inspiration that was related to letting go of the mind / ego. yesterday i went on a very long drive to explore some parts i hadn’t been to and to push the limits of how far i can go in a short range electric car. the whole idea started more for fun to draw lines on the map of where i’d been (using a gps logger i made that’s inside my car, recording everywhere i drive.. which i had done for my last couple vehicles and had found it interesting). it also started inspirationally (if thats even a word) to be able to show others what can be done with a car with a small battery (to help inspire others in the transition to electric vehicles, as they’re better in many ways). though it seems that the mind took over the idea and began to push it further and further. i’ve seen this happen in other creative or technical projects i’ve done (or that others have done). the mind likes to see just how far it can go (we can see this collectively, in how ridiculous some things in the world are today). what i wanted to write about was this, the extent of this, what’s happening, and how true inspiration comes from following the divinely inspired idea, rather than the mind trying to force an idea further. it can be easy to slip into the mind and let it get carried away by the idea or goal. though lots of things could be at play at a deeper level of why this is actually happening. one needs to explore within to find out exactly where these desires from goals are originating, and sometimes (or perhaps often) explore more deeply into where they are really coming from. at some level, it seems that any desire or goal (especially one that has any form of attachment to it) is coming either from a lack, likely some attempted replacement for not having peace or a sense of love (or being loved) in one’s life. in my own life, i recall the times that i was “in love” or felt great or at peace or whatnot, i felt i didn’t need anything else. when one is feeling from the heart or observing from a peaceful place of higher awareness, one is whole and complete (and does not need any of the attachments or desires that the mind might bring). when one is not resting peacefully in the heart or higher awareness, especially if one might be resisting experiencing a feeling or emotion that might have been triggered, one is more prone to slip into the mind (and get caught up the games the ego/mind plays). a simple way to get out of the mind is to go for a walk in nature until you feel more peaceful. surround yourself in nature long enough and you’ll discover the amazing beauty that is all around us at all times. the mind can be a useful tool, though one must not allow the tool to take control. it can be challenging at times, especially if one does work or projects that require lots of use of the mind — which in this case it’s even more important to regularly go to nature, meditate, practice mindfulness, or simply relax in the present moment (and enjoy one’s surroundings without trying to do anything). these days (in modern society) it seems everyone wants to do more and continuously be doing something, whether its in over-working or in finding some distraction (from the present moment) as a form of entertainment. [sometimes one needs to jump into this sort of thing to see what it’s all about, as i seem to have done after having already previously seen this sort of approach to life is not healthy] last night when i was on my way home from the long day, i began to notice the odometer (and realized that it was going to be a milestone in the number of miles i had driven since purchasing in my car) and started to calculate that i could probably do another long (but not all day) drive tomorrow (today) and just make it under that milestone to be able to have those lines on the map as part of it. after i got home last night and showered, i updated the map, looked at the route i had already previously planned, made some adjustments to it, and thought i would go this morning whenever i woke up (but not set the alarm as whenever i do i don’t sleep well, anticipating that i’ve got to be up at a certain time), though as i went to sleep i figured that i’d see how i feel in the morning (even though i was leaning towards going). this morning i woke up early, either from noise or from anticipating the drive or from being exhausted from the long day yesterday [yesterday during the day, i knew it was a long day (and didn’t eat a whole lot during the day) but it didn’t really feel all that bad.. perhaps as part of pushing forward to be able to actualize the goal of doing the drive, the mind was pushing the body and not really feeling the effects until later.. i suppose doing this often is what leads to burnout]. this morning, waking up tired, i knew that i could ‘overcome’ it (or ignore it) and just go if i wanted to, and knew how the mind wanted to do it just so it could say or show that little extra piece as part of the map for this milestone (though looking at at the map i made just over a month ago, i had already added a lot to it… though it seems the nature of the mind is to want some form of ‘more’, though this could just be conditioning that currently exists in the collective). as i laid there in bed, i saw that this could be a good opportunity to choose not to push myself to do another long drive today just because it would fit into a milestone.. when in the grand scheme of things, this little bit won’t really make much of a difference, and if the mind still wanted to keep playing the game of seeing how far it could go, it could easily fit into the map of the next milestone (of time or distance).. and another thing i just noticed is that the mind could easily reword the title of the next one to make it seem more significant.. again, when in the big picture, none of this really matters.. and the important thing to realize is not what the mind can do (we already see many great inventions and accomplishments that the human mind has done in the world), but to know that true inspiration cannot be forced.. the mind trying to effort to accomplish something can only go so far, and it can never be as magnificent as what is truly divinely inspired. and if one is not feeling the inspiration, all one needs to do is to relax (and become present in the here and now) in order to be able to tune into whatever the divine wants to flow through in any given moment, and know whatever it is, big or small, is equally beautiful in its own way (judgment and comparison is another trick of the mind…). even in wanting to write something like this, begin to look more deeply at it and where it’s coming from [yes, it may help others (or provide insight to oneself), though is it fully coming from a place of inspiration, or is there any part of the mind wanting to share its own story?]. with so much of humanity being fueled by these external desires and the obsessive compulsive need to be great in some way, perhaps the best thing one can do to help oneself (and others) is to practice humility and simply observing the world (and whatever arises within it). the story of what one has done is really unimportant. all that really matters is how one is being in the present moment. [as i attempt to write all of this, and wonder if there’s any coherence to it, i look at how i’m being, how i’m feeling (and seeing how feeling tired (and whatever else may be there) is affecting the ability to write] sometimes the lines blur.. between sharing the inspiration and one’s own story/feelings/journey.. the story can help when it helps one connect with another, though when its to show off in any way what one has done or what one can do, it pushes people away [its interesting to see how this sort of thing has shown up lately in the world]. its also one and the same, what is happening individually and collectively, in the mind and in the spirit. its all part of this unfolding experience. while we can speak about what parts are more helpful for one to discover and know the divine, higher awareness, connection, etc, the other parts have their own purpose as well. remember that we have the choice of what we want to collectively experience here. we can collectively choose unconditional love, forgiveness, presence, peace, connection, etc. we can collectively create a beautiful world if we choose to. the more of us that choose to live from higher frequencies of vibration, the more we’ll see it in the world. the world now is in perfect order as its what the collective has been choosing (even with all the chaos, its all a part of the process that is happening now so that we can all grow and expand in new ways.. we need to fully experience and make it through the old in order to get to the new). it is beautiful to see that more and more people are waking up, choosing higher vibrations, and living from a more beautiful place. we are all on the way, even if it seems at times that so many of us are so far behind. we are all getting there. it may go more quickly for some of us than others, though we will all arrive. and the more of us that move quickly and begin to arrive, the more quickly others will begin to awaken, shift, and transform. [it was great to watch this last part flow through quite quickly.. it was a subtle difference in how the words were coming out, though it did feel like those were flowing through more profoundly, without the mind interpreting or remembering or whatnot. that’s a good indication of where one is at any given moment, and where the words or feeling are coming from.. if it flows through more naturally and effortlessly, its coming from a higher place in the present moment. if one is trying to remember, think, or analyze in any way, then its quite likely coming from the story or perspective of the individual self]

when one is living from (or experiencing) a place of unconditional love in the heart, none of the mind’s desires really matter anymore.

if one wants to make changes to one’s experience, all one must do is loosen one’s grip to this current reality. by hanging on to what is, we are solidifying it and making it more real. by letting go, we allow for change to occur. reality is only as real as we define it to be. the only one preventing change is you.

[i woke up early this morning and was unable to get back to sleep, likely processing and feeling whatever was arising (and resisting not being able to fall back asleep).. as daylight would be breaking soon, i got out of bed, and attempted to write and explore some of the insights that had come to me earlier in the morning.. some inspired by the beautiful one tribe potluck/gathering/satsang last night (and some more random). thank you everyone for being there and for the experience/conversation!]

there is often the desire to capture our experiences. however, the most profound experiences are ones that we surrender to.

rather than chase the desire to capture the experience, learn to surrender to the experience.

the most beautiful moments cannot be described with words nor captured with images or sound. only in the experience of feeling life and being fully present to the moment can we truly live.

none of this really matters, yet it all matters. we chose it at some level when we created this game of life. embrace it all, without attachment.

we gain more by letting go rather than by acquiring. whether this be knowledge, experiences, physical possessions, or anything else in the physical or mental world, learn to surrender the need to have any of it. by letting go of this attachment, we can live more fully in the present moment and experience all the beauty that surrounds us at all times regardless of the circumstances.

each day look at some aspect of yourself that you no longer need and let it go. by dissolving the layers of the self, we grow closer to who we truly are. rather than identify with this body/mind image, we discover more deeply who we really are.

everything in this world and beyond is created, and nothing that is created is real nor who we really are.

who we are is beyond anything that exists at any level in the physical, mental, or spiritual worlds.

we are nothing yet we are everything simultaneously.

as long as we are here in this existence, let’s collectively choose to make it as beautiful as possible. while, from a higher level, none of it is real, we can choose to create a beautiful, loving, harmonious world.

remember to always choose love. while this may be difficult upon seeing things in the world that appear to be wrong, remember that by choosing this higher vibration of love, we can help elevate and transform anything that is not love. [and upon doing so, we may just discover that love was always there, even in the aspects of life where it appeared it was not]

while words may help point the way, they are never a substitute for direct knowing and experience.

god, the universe, self-realization, enlightenment, oneness, unconditional love, and any higher truth one may seek can only be known through the direct experience thereof. while many others may write, speak, or share their perspectives and experiences of truth, any viewpoint outside of the actual direct knowledge can merely point the way.

remember, that most often, the things and experiences we seek in the world are merely distractions to what actually matters.

remember that your story does not matter. while it may be fun, entertaining, or even inspirational to create and experience your character in life through a certain way, remember not to get too lost in the story, for doing so can lead you astray from whom you truly are as the creator of the story. [this is what all the messages about letting go are really about.. remember to peel back the layers of the onion and let go of the masks you may still be wearing. while these identities may serve you in certain moments, wearing them too long will become a hinderance.]

learn to remove the filters you have that may be blocking your light.

like in poetry, writing, or any other verbal expression, words can only ever be metaphors of truth.

even if others do not understand or are nowhere close to understanding, continue to share nuggets of truth. one day, even if after hearing the same truth many times, the other will understand what it was all about.

the greatest experience is realization.

life can be heaven or hell. it’s up to you.

do not seek to emulate others. while it may be inspirational to see what others have done (or you may be able to gain some insights or little aspects related to your own journey), remember to follow your own heart. this is your awakening.

while the destination may be the same for all of us, each of our own individual journeys is unique.

sometimes one may choose to awaken then fall back asleep only to awaken and then fall back asleep again in a different manner. while, according to some, this seems to be how this experience occurs lifetime after lifetime, one might choose to do this over and over within a single lifetime simply for the experience of doing so (and to better understand what others may be going through, and to be able to suggest multiple paths to others).

sometimes one needs to experience both (or all) sides of an aspect of reality in order to fully embrace it.

some more thoughts on surrender and technology.. it’s interesting to see how the whole concept of surrender has applied in technology. i can see so many things that have unfolded after i’ve let them go or completely forgotten about them. i remember around the time when i got my first laptop computer and downloaded my CD’s onto it (or perhaps when i still had the desktop computer before then), i thought how it would be so much simpler to just play the music on a portable computer in my car rather than have to carry so many compact discs with me.. a couple years later or so i discovered the iPod and saw other mp3 players being released (and newer cars can play the music right off a usb drive). in the world of photography, i remember so much research and trying to find an ultra-wide angle rectilinear lens and then those being manufactured later.. and i was trying to simplify my equipment and be able to do everything with a smaller camera that could fit in my pocket but have good image quality, and then mirrorless cameras became available and later ultra-wide angle lens options started to show up for them (and now smartphones even have it, and its rumored that the next iPhone will be announced in a couple weeks with an ultra-wide angle lens built right into it). i recall when i first discovered the little planet technique that i had to research and develop and have a custom mount machined so i could easily create time-lapses using the technique (as no one had made one before), and after creating some, seeing the next step as making the 360 degree time-lapses move rather than have a stationary tripod (which i attempted but the equipment was so big and heavy that it wasn’t ideal).. several years later 360 degree cameras started to become available to consumers and, now, a few years later, there are lots of options and they’re being used to replace action cameras and do all sorts of movements. i recall for the longest time not wanting to have to carry a tripod and wishing there were some way to just have the camera stay in place without needing to carry or set up a heavy tripod.. i was also researching and trying different ways to take aerial and low aerial images (without needing to fly in a helicopter or plane, use a ladder, bucket truck, etc).. years later quadcopter drones became popular and now there are tons of options. i had purchased the first popular consumer quadcopter model that seemed to have begun the drone industry and after using it for a while, i was looking for alternative options as i’d like to have something small that fit in a pocket (and regulations started to come about and something lighter weight that was considered a toy would be better).. years later small drones came out, though the smallest one was still not ideal, and now it sounds like a new model that is lighter weight and with better image quality will be announced/released soon. a number of years ago i remember thinking of a special tilt/shift lens adapter that didn’t exist and years later i saw that come out. i’m sure i could think of other ideas that i had to wait a long time for it to be developed too. just in the last couple weeks i was doing some time-lapses while driving with my 360 cameras, and the idea came to me of how i could make an interesting little planet shot with two 360 cameras (really just 180 degrees would be needed), one at the front of the vehicle and one at the back, and stitching them together to make the vehicle disappear to only capture the surroundings. just a couple days ago i read about a new camera that’s going to be announced tomorrow, and learning more about it from leaked information, it looks like it will capture 180 degrees and is very tiny, which might just be what could work for the idea i just had recently. it’s funny how all these things come together. sometimes we do need to just let go and forget about the ideas of what we’re seeing or wanting for years. it can be difficult when being ahead of the time in one’s vision, though likely the ideas that are coming to us are also being picked up by others in the collective consciousness and will be developed.. or we could work on the development ourselves if we chose to too. its beautiful to see the awakening of consciousness, and great to see how as more people awaken, how this affects the development of technology. so much new technology and what would’ve once been very specialized technology is now being developed much more quickly with shifts in consciousness. the more of us that awaken, the quicker it will be. we still must learn to surrender and let go and not be attached, though it won’t need to take as long. as we collectively evolve to higher levels of consciousness, we may be able to very quickly or instantly step out of one reality and into another where what we’re envisioning already exists. as we learn to do the work in consciousness, so much will unfold and evolve so quickly. some have looked at the adoption rate of new technologies and have seen how quickly the latest technologies have come about, especially smartphones.. some years ago it seemed like barely anyone had them and then seemingly all of a sudden it seemed like almost everyone had one. this adoption rate may continue to happen more quickly for newer technologies, especially ones that are aligned with the health of the planet and the good of the collective consciousness. electric vehicles right now are getting very close to the point where the adoption rate will go up very quickly. it’s nice to see more options becoming available as i’ve been thinking of an electric van, truck, or something that i can use as an electric RV or camper for a while now. these are currently in the works and will be available pretty soon. i had written one manufacturer a little while ago inquiring about an electric van version of their truck and they mentioned getting a lot of interest in a van. there are other manufacturers that are going to be releasing electric van options (at least overseas) in the coming months too. i know i just sold my van earlier this year, though would certainly consider an electric van when they’re available. i’ve been having more thoughts about getting back on the road.. i have a few different ideas for living and travel.. it would really depend on what large electric vehicles are readily available first and when i get my own land where i can park it near here. ideally i’d have my own home and also an electric RV or van to travel with, though i’d also consider only having an electric RV and waiting on the home if it could either tow a tiny home or travel trailer, or if it were larger to have a comfortable living area inside and had dual motors and all wheel drive to have it as my expedition vehicle / home to explore with (though still really need land if i want to stay around the area here for most of the winter months). i’ve gone off on a bit of tangent there, though this does come back to surrender. i suppose i just need to let go and know its going to happen (and i already know it will, its just a matter of time before a good option with what i’m looking for is readily available for sale at a decent price here). i thought about getting a school bus and converting that into a tiny home because it’d have so much room though i really don’t want to support the fossil fuel industry. back to other technologies that are better for the planet, i’m reading more about renewable energy taking over, and it seems like we’re turning more to the right direction to reduce our impact on the planet. it’s awesome to see the new world we are creating as more of us are awakening. sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the drama of the world that wants to take our attention away, though as we remember, spiritually, the outer world is a reflection of the inner world, and remember that more and more of us are awakening, it’s easy to see that we’re headed in a good direction despite any hiccups along the way. the more of us that awaken, the more of us that continue to awaken. imagine soon that being awakened will be normal, and there will be more people awakened with flowered hearts than those without. at that point there will be even greater transformation unfolding in the world. some of these things we may be looking forward to right now (and some things that some might even see as impossible) will be nothing compared to what will be possible decades from now after the entire collective consciousness has awakened and evolved. decades from now people will be looking back at what we have yet to experience in the world as being quite archaic. it’s crazy to think that, though just look at how much has happened in the century or even just the last quarter century. a quarter century ago people barely knew how to use computers and barely anyone knew what the internet was. i admit that, back then, even as someone who knew more about computers than anyone else i knew, thinking about the network capability of the computers in school and thinking that i really didn’t see much of a use for it.. though shortly after that i was ‘online’ pretty often to play computer games with someone else, or chat with friends, send emails, or begin to explore the infancy of the world wide web. heck i still even have some emails from 22 years ago. sometimes i’ve thought about completely giving up on technology and exploring other areas of life or just living simply without it to a degree (or at least not engaging in developing technology or researching or envisioning new technology), though its interesting to see here how for the majority of my life i’ve been engaged with technology at some level and how i’ve been able to see where things are going with it. perhaps it is like some have told me, that it is a gift, since some aspects of it come quite easily. i suppose i’ll continue to embrace this gift for now, though also continue to explore other things that really make me feel alive, like being in nature and seeing new places and new perspectives. i’m not sure where this is all going, it’s me just rambling on at this point.. hopefully someone finds it interesting if anyone actually reads it all. as usual, i won’t go back and edit this or re-read it either. maybe later down the line i’ll randomly happen upon this and start reading it and find it interesting.. that’s a whole interesting concept right there to explore.. leaving things or messages behind for oneself to encounter later. in this whole illusion of life, that seems to be what we’ve done. we’ve left a little bit of truth hidden beneath the surface for us to ‘randomly’ discover one day, and this discovery will lead to our awakening and self-realization. if we hadn’t left this bit of truth for ourselves to find, we may have never woken up from this dream. despite how interesting or helpful technology can be, it really doesn’t matter nearly as much as we make it matter. what really matters is waking up. only after awakening can we truly begin to live.

some more thoughts the next morning:

i almost forgot to mention, another thing that i had an idea of was starting to share video clips of aspects of my life.. in a sense i did this 15 years ago in a video i put together about my experiences hanging out with friends, though, more recently, a number of years ago around the time i got my truck camper, i also had begun to post audio recordings of me speaking (and rambling) about ideas that were coming to me or what was happening in my life.. around that time i had the idea that i could record and post videos of me speaking from inside my truck camper and the journeys i was on. i had previously been writing and posting “blogs” in my online journal / website about experiences in my life or inspiration or things/ideas that came to me. i didn’t end up making the videos of me speaking about my own experiences as i saw how absurd and ridiculous just the audio recordings alone could get.. instead when i went on my journeys, i took photos and recorded videos of what i saw (that would become daily films with a hint of a vintage home movie type feel, and could almost be a time-lapse of sorts of my journey across the country). now, years later, many others have started to post lots of videos about their travels and “vlogs” about their life. over many of the years of my photography i had experimented with creating time-lapses and now in more recent years i see how many more people are also experimenting in time-lapses and adding new layers of techniques to them (as i would like to do) and also creating videos about travel or a place through the form of time-lapse videos. it’s interesting to see how all of this unfolds.. sometimes we simply need to have the idea and just surrender and allow it to be, and it will show up in the world through the efforts of others. if we try to make it too much about ourselves or ‘our idea’ then the ego/mind can get more involved and in the way. it’s best to just observe and allow the inspiration, and if feeling called to follow it, to follow it.. but not necessarily feeling the need to follow every single inspirational moment to actualize it. for it seems that we are simply picking up on inspirational messages or wavelengths that are being broadcast to us from the divine source.. and its often not just one of us alone who is picking up on the signal. if its something the divine wants to express through us and experience, it will unfold in some manner through one of us in the collective consciousness.. if one doesn’t express the message, another will have also heard it and will express it in some way. though i do urge anyone who is tuning into the inspiration to be careful that the message doesn’t become too much about the self, ego, competition, conflict, or any sort of other lower vibrational message. having the perspectives i do, i tend to naturally turn away from anything that is too far down that path, though i sometimes encounter the sort of message that has those underlying elements. as i say this, i also realize how much of this writing may seem to come from that sort of limited viewpoint as i speak about myself having seen these things years before they happened.. though the message is really about the unfolding of consciousness and this is how i experienced it.. as one envisions something and embraces the patience or surrender (or complete forgetting of the idea), one allows the space for it to manifest into this experience of reality we have in the physical world. i also see how for decades i’ve had a sense of connection to nature and the environment, and how i also had seen the negative effects of the mass-media-driven consumeristic society.. and over time i’ve seen a couple people talking about some of these things, and how now, decades and many years later, there is much more awareness and concern about the planet and what has been going on and how so many have been unconscious about what was happening. it seems that as more of us awaken, and continue to awaken to higher levels of consciousness, we help others around us awaken.. and in awakening, what one was once blind to becomes quite evident through simple awareness. getting back to the vlogs, one aspect i find interesting is to essentially be able to experience and see the world through another’s eyes.. this is one of the beautiful things in life i’ve enjoyed about meeting someone new or getting to know someone better and having a close connection. this alone could be a spiritual process to open one up to new perspectives and compassion for another, and lead one to higher levels of consciousness. it is interesting in that if one lets go and embraces what one is seeing and hearing through the form of video, one can feel like they are there with others in that experience, and one can begin to lose a bit of the sense of time and place of where one physically is watching from. if one were to watch several videos of others’ experiences in different parts of the world, one could almost live those different experiences all in one day. now i’m not suggesting one sit around and watch videos all day long, though it is an interesting metaphor of how the divine is living and expressing itself through each one of us in unique ways. its interesting to see the underlying divine aspect of so many things in life like this. if we look for the message, or when we have awakened to a higher vibration of consciousness, we’ll naturally be able to see that the divine message and expression is always there, in everyone and in everything. if we get too caught up in the distractions, the mundane routine of life, the drama of the world, or any other sort of mental activity of the ego or mind, we can easily miss the divine message that is always there. it’s simply a shift of focus from the mind to the heart to bring one back to being able to feel and sense what the divine is expressing. now its a simple idea but it can be difficult if one is resisting any aspect of reality as then one may be stuck in the mind until one surrenders and lets go. getting back to the whole interesting metaphor of being able to experience and live through others’ videos (which now i also remember a friend telling me about a youtuber he watched that said something about living vicariously through his videos).. the other day at the flowering heart center a few of us had a chat that included artificial intelligence.. it was interesting to see the metaphor in there of our whole experience here.. how we as as humans are working on creating these machines that will be able to think and do things for themselves, just like the divine has created us with the ability to think and do here. it seems like this sort of thing is all part of the spiritual awakening journey in a sense.. the things that show up that have this underlying aspect are another way the divine is helping us to wake up and see who we really are, and its also an expression of who we really are at another level. i mentioned something related to that during the conversation, though something else came to me (i think it may have been later or after the conversation) that i didn’t get a chance to mention.. it was something along the lines of relating our current experience to the artificial intelligence and how do we know that we aren’t already in a matrix-like simulation of artificial intelligence.. or perhaps the thought was more about how many layers deep are we already in this sort of thing (perhaps not necessarily in AI but in the depths of creation and divine expression itself)… [it’s kinda fun to see and embrace those sort of possibilities, as i feel jumping down the rabbit hole like that, so to speak, can help give us new perspectives aligned with deeper awakening of consciousness] anyhow, i think there was some whole other topic related to what i wrote last night that i was thinking when i woke up this morning, but don’t recall what it was as i did explore this ‘vlog’ one quite a bit and at the moment have lost what the other was.. i’ll surrender and accept it, and if it comes to me a little later will write more.. if not, perhaps it will come to me another time if its something the divine wants to express through me, or perhaps it was simply an inner realization for myself and not necessarily to share at this time. [the mind likes to share all of these things as its quite fascinating to see and explore all of these ideas, though perhaps by forgetting some of them, its more humbling as part of the message was suggesting above.. about not making it too much about the self and the experience of the self, but making it about message itself. which is part of what i like about how the videos i made of my trip across the country didn’t include shots of myself or any of my voice in them.. it was simply an experience that could’ve been lived by anyone, or simply experienced by the divine, without any of the selfie view or telling others what is happening.. this is the sort of viewpoint i was always drawn to, though in the last couple years, upon discovering them, i have come to embrace some of the more typical vlogs or videos of others talking about and expressing their feelings of what’s happening in their world. remember life is not about ‘my’ journey or ‘your’ journey, but simply ‘the’ journey itself.]

a few other notes:

its funny how i just wrote this morning about similar messages coming through many of us.. and how yesterday i mentioned the little camera that was going to be released today. after typing and posting what i did above, i saw that a review video was just posted a few minutes ago about the camera (which may have been a little early as the official announcement is not up yet and other links to it that were posted today have been taken down).. and in the review one thing she said was about how much it could do and imagining what the future brings, reminding me of what i wrote last night about how decades from now we’ll be looking back at the technology today and seeing how archaic it looks. the divine knows no limits, and as consciousness continues to evolve, the divine expression through us will become much more incredible and magnificent than it is today.

if watching vlogs to explore perspectives as i described above, an interesting element is to see the multiple video viewpoints when more than one person is recording the same event at the same time.. which also heightens the sense of experiencing and living through more than one perspective simultaneously. another interesting factor of so many people recording life now (and small cameras that can be left to automatically record) is related to the dilemma i saw 15 years ago when shooting video clips of experiences with friends…that one could really only fully engage with either the actual experience or the recording of it, and not both, as the act of recording would affect the experience [which would be interesting to relate to the role of the observer in quantum mechanics but that’s a whole other tangent and rabbit hole to dive into].. which could be a metaphor or related to the act of living and experiencing life through the heart and feeling compared to the limited viewpoint of being stuck in the mind and thinking and seeing the world through the filters of the mind (rather than the unfiltered awakened heartfelt viewpoint of how reality actually is).

here’s a peek [funny at first this was spelled peak, which could also apply] of some messages that were coming to me this morning.. i’ll be using some/most of these (and others) as captions for instagram posts when i create some photographs in the near future..

the trick to awakening is to see the divine perfection radiating through all the chaos of the world.

when one stops striving for perfection, one will be able to find the perfection in what already is.

we can become more whole (and remember who we truly are) by simply accepting and loving more perspectives and aspects of life that we don’t understand (or resist)

sometimes it helps to step outside of any given viewpoint (or yourself) and laugh at how absurd it really it is

honor and respect all ways of life.

learn to see what exists between where you are and what you’re looking at.

the empty space is not empty.

it seems there are two approaches to the current game of life:

work hard, struggle, do all you can to achieve and try to be successful.. and ultimately fail in the end, still feeling like you need to continuously keep on striving for more to be happy.

or simply surrender, let go, awaken, realize this is all an illusion and none of what you were struggling with or wanting really matters or brings you any significance or true fulfillment.. and upon doing so find a deep sense of peace, love, and appreciation for all of life (from where you can begin to really live).

[some speak of the easy way or the hard way.. the hard way can eventually lead to the easy upon reaching your breaking point, or you can just let go of what society is telling you and start with the easy way]

heal. the most important thing you can do in life is heal your unconscious, emotional, conditioning. after that, all falls into place. the divine is always ready, as soon as you are.

love is always here, simply waiting for you to open your eyes to it.

surrender doing. start being.

stop doing. begin being.

the tools, how to, and techniques matter not. what does matter is the message. when you learn to be still and hear inspiration, everything you need will unfold in perfect order.

remember: the message that comes through is what is important, not who it comes through.

if you find yourself not knowing what to do next in life, ask yourself, what can i do to be more humble or kind?

honor all paths, and let go of your identification with any particular group or mindset. while nice to gather with others and meet with new people whom have a common viewpoint, it’s very easy to identify with the group-thinking, which can overpower your ability to hear clear inspiration directly from the divine.

the biggest hurdle to growth is seeing what’s wrong with any given situation rather than seeing what’s unenlightened about your viewpoint of the situation.

listen closely. the inspiration is always there.

when waking up in the morning, spend as much time as possible in silence, without listening to, reading, or watching anything in the physical world. by doing so you’ll increase your ability to hear the divine speaking to you through inspiration. combining extended periods of silence with time spent alone in nature can be very powerful and healing.

what i’ve been sharing (or describing) for decades in my work is simply another form of meditation.

do what makes you feel alive. but also realize that you can feel alive in any given moment by simply being.

one reason to spend as much time in silence as possible is to be able to hear the divine inspiration within (by stepping away from the distractions of the external world). another reason is to avoid tuning into any lower vibrations, as many (if not most) people live in a state of fear. while not absolutely necessary, listening to, reading, or watching positive influences can be helpful if you are certain that you know the external message is one of a higher vibration.

my work has often depicted the beauty of nature, and wide open landscapes without people. over time these images expanded to wider and wider perspectives, and various depictions of seeing in all directions, such as in the 360 degree ‘little planet’ images. in these i’ve created ways to hide the tripod or myself from appearing so its still an image about experiencing the natural world (and not about me). in the self-obsessed ‘self-ie’ world, it’s fun and interesting to think of these little world images as the ‘selfless-ie’. also interesting is that i only discovered the little planet look/technique after going through a process of surrendering and getting on a spiritual path.

simply relax and be still. you don’t need to struggle to follow any particular meditation or spiritual process. just spend time in silence or in nature, and you will naturally begin to feel and heal.

when sharing something with another, ask to remain humble in doing so. while at times it can be helpful to share a story or personal experience as a means to relate or connect with another, pause for a moment to see if this sharing is coming from one’s own need for attention or from an inspired place that will help the other.

likewise, it can be exciting to share what one is learning during one’s process of awakening, transformation, and growth, though pause to listen if what you’re sharing is really what the other needs to hear. sometimes all the other needs is merely to be heard or loved, and giving advice or teaching will not help (and may push the other away).

love knows no boundaries

remember, the ego is loud, while the presence of the divine is an infinite silence that resonates much more powerfully.

we’re all here for different reasons. not everyone’s path will look like yours. and there’s nothing inherently wrong with anyone else’s particular path.

when sharing with others what you’ve learned on your spiritual journey, it can be much more effective to use universal language and say things in your own words, rather than try to repeat what another has said (as certain lingo may not be understood by the other or may create a sense of group identity within you, either of which may create further separation).

perhaps the express lane on the spiritual journey: stop identifying with any thoughts, teachings, or beliefs that come from another or from any group. let go of these, embrace silence, and listen to the inspiration coming directly from the divine in your heart.

so much has been said about the impact of social media upon people in modern society. there’s so much information online and many people trying to be the expert in any given field to earn a living (or sometimes just to cause trouble).

perhaps, rather than using social media to post ‘comments’, ‘news’, or ‘how-to’ information, we can all begin to use it simply as a means to share our own personal feelings, journey, and stories in a way that is heart-felt, authentic, and real.

we don’t need any more people telling us what to do, how to do it, or what they think about what others are doing. all of that sort of thing keeps us trapped in the mind (and causes further chaos and separation). any ‘information’ shared should be inspired (and kept simple).

share what you feel, who you are, what is real to you, your essence as a human being.

content like this will help others feel more connected as humans compared to technical or opinionated content from the mind. opening one’s heart also encourages others to open their hearts. and all the world really needs for great transformation is for enough us to open our hearts and heal past wounds.

what matters is not what you think, but what you feel.

for the next couple weeks i’m taking a break to ‘just be’ as much as possible. i’ve told clients i’m unavailable except for emergencies and have cleared any repeating events off my calendar. i’m grateful to have a quiet home to myself these next couple weeks too, as it’s been over two years since i moved out of my condo and have had my own quiet + sacred space. (i technically did have my own very tiny space when i had my van but the whole need to find a place to park it every night took away from it really being a quiet + sacred space where i could simply be and live undisturbed for as long as i desired) in these next two weeks i’m also taking a break from going on ambitious long local drives like i was doing a lot recently. i had thought of working on making some videos from a trip a few years ago but may not work on those at all unless i feel called to after taking time to be present and honor myself. my intent is to step out of so much of the mental activity of the physical world and have a bit of a quiet retreat in a sense.

i encourage everyone to do the same to as much of a degree as possible in their world. there is so much mental conditioning in modern society of what one is supposed to do and so many things that get in the way from simply just being present. all this conditioning and all these distractions keep one in the mind or stressed or in some state other than truly free. this world is what we make of it, and to truly live it we need to find that still space within and live from that place. yes, one could have a regular weekly or daily meditation, though this is still something that tends to get scheduled into an already jam-packed schedule. sometimes going on a retreat to a quiet + still space in the external physical world for an extended period of time is what one truly needs. from this place of letting go of attachment to all the things one is supposed to do, all the places one is supposed to go to, all the things one is worrying about, all the goals or things one is trying to accomplish, etc, one will find a deeper awareness, a deeper purpose, and a deeper connection to the infinite. in this awakening, and one will realize that everything is already in perfect divine order as it is and there’s no need to struggle or resist anything. with deeper awareness one will realize how everything is connected to everything else. and with this greater clarity one will have new insights on life and one’s true purpose. and if one feels compelled to go back to do everything one was previously doing, one can do so but from a more relaxed place (and even if one continues to fill one’s day with much activity and ‘doing’). though one may discover that so much of the doing was simply a resistance to being in the here and now and experiencing the presence. society is filled with so many things it is trying to sell one on needing in order to live. all these distractions are really designed to take one away from living in the present moment (where everything one needs unfolds in perfect divine order) and fill one with fear that one might not have what they need if they don’t buy what is being sold or might miss out on what others are experiencing if they don’t follow what others are doing. i recall noticing this sort of thing a couple decades ago, where the mass media consumeristic society was conditioning people with these sort of mental constructs, programs, and limiting belief systems (perhaps i couldn’t quite put all the words on it back then but i could see how so many people were living their lives like that). this programming (really brainwashing) can easily become so engrained into one’s everyday experience (it actually becomes so subtle and subsconscious that most people are unaware it even exists). taking a break from everything one is doing in the external world to have another perspective on life or to simply relax may be one of the greatest things one can do for one’s own sanity, let alone spiritual growth.

another thing i would highly recommend would be to go explore places in the world that are quiet and as free from the norms of modern society as possible. in particular, going for a walk in nature can be quiet beneficial. this is something one can do daily. even if one lives in a city, there’ll be some place not too far away where one can step away from the distractions and noise. another thing one could do to help would be to minimize one’s physical belongings. minimalism will help eliminate the distractions and clutter both in one’s home and in one’s mental space. another thing that will help will be to take a break from one’s digital life. it seems that so quickly social media and smartphone usage have become a huge addiction for so many, and that people are not able to live without staring at a tiny screen every few minutes, let alone leave the house without their phone.

this is getting longer than i thought when i started typing and i’m a bit tired. i will get to sleep and enjoy waking up in a quiet space. that alone is one thing one can do to be more present.. embrace going to sleep and waking up in a quiet setting. do not use your phone or other technology for a short while before going to sleep and do not use it for a while after you wake up. do not set an alarm and wake up naturally. when you wake up, do as you feel. if you feel like laying in bed for a while, do so. if you feel inspired to meditate or go for a walk or write in a journal, do that. simply be present with your surroundings and with yourself. all of these suggestions are to help one be more present with oneself.

i will write more as i feel called to, though i encourage you not to read, watch, or listen to anything outside of yourself during this process of unplugging from your typical daily routine and reality. all of the deepest answers and insights exist within oneself. the distractions are designed for you to forget this and to forget who you truly are. when you deliberately step away from all of the distractions, addictions, external messages, etc, you can look within and discover the true brilliance that shines there. this is the place to listen to and live from. until you discover this inner source you cannot know how to truly live nor the magnificence of this experience we call life.

sometimes one fills one’s life (knowingly or unknowingly) with so many things to do as a form of resistance to facing what one is really feeling. if you were resisting anything you may need to feel whatever hurts you didn’t want to feel, though once you move through these you soon discover the bliss and peace and lightness of letting go of these burdens you may have been carrying. this healing process can be quite transformative, especially if you’ve carried these emotions (or conditioning) for years or most of your life. if you do enough of this inner work in your own consciousness, you’ll discover that you can easily re-write the story of your life and do things you may have never imagined possible. you may also realize that the things you thought you wanted to do really no longer matter and you can simply live in peace regardless of what happens in your life. you may discover there is far more to gain from this process of letting go than there is from getting or doing anything else in life. from this place of letting go and unburdening oneself, a great sense of freedom will arise and one will be able to see the true beauty and brilliance of life. ordinary moments will become extraordinary, and beauty will be found in the simplest of things.

i once again now remember why i am here. i traveled across the universe to be here, to experience the awakening of the collective consciousness of humanity, one of the greatest and most spectacular awakenings to have occurred in this universe. gratitude fills my heart for this moment, to be here and now for this experience. i am grateful to be able to serve humanity with my presence and to be a clear conduit for divine grace to pour through me to all beings at all times in all dimensions for all eternity. this is one of the most beautiful experiences possible, to see consciousness awakening each day and to witness the unfolding of divine grace. may divine grace, love, light, and blessings fill all of our hearts and may we all live in peace and perfect harmony with each other and with the planet. may the highest light radiate and shine through each one of us as we collectively remember who we truly are.

this is our reality, we chose it and created it. declare the highest good you wish to see in the world and you too will feel it and see it unfold before you. call forth the brilliant light of your divine spirit to shine through all levels of your being, and you will become a light for the world, and help illuminate it for all other beings.

[its often good for the soul to connect with the spirit]

in this (very) long article, i’ll explore why i chose a van for travel rather than another type of camper or rv, and go into the details of the various options i chose that i felt would be best for a campervan when i special ordered a custom built van. i’ll also go into details about the build and decisions i made there to keep things simple and lightweight. i compare my experiences with the van to the previous truck [...]

life truly is beautiful. the greatest thing one can do for oneself is heal emotionally and grow spiritually. our limited perspective is what is preventing us from seeing the true depth of life.

this writing started off as me pondering a potential question or writing about how one can see a vision for reality that’s so vastly different than what presently exists (when many others may see it as completely out there, crazy, or not in tune with the present reality). the ideas that were coming to me were something along the lines of it being quite simple. one simply does not allow the present reality to affect one’s vantagepoints. one simply chooses influences and viewpoints that are conducive to one’s own wellbeing and the wellbeing of the planet and humanity. so many people are easily influenced by what others are saying, what others are doing, what the media is saying, what corporations are saying, and effectively what those in power or control want everyone to think. those pushing these messages to the masses, which causes the masses to continue to push and reinforce those messages themselves, continue to create the same reality and situation over and over by this simple mechanism. the more of us that wake up and become aware of what’s being said and pushed out to the masses, the quicker this game will end. fortunately many of us are awakening quickly now and these old ways of thinking are fading away.

this message isn’t coming through anywhere nearly as clearly as it was before i got up and decided to type it down when realizing it was quite good. everything happens in the moment, and when one tries to re-create the moment that previously existed, it doesn’t quite occur in the same manner. there was something else coming through about how we could simply end this, with more details of what was actually occurring…

i can’t remember it exactly, though in essence, it had to with choosing higher frequencies/vibrations. ah, one thing i recall.. was related to how one can see a reality that’s quite different than what’s occurring. effectively one chooses to ignore most of what’s not serving one’s vision. and some may think that one needs to know what’s happening in the world and ignoring destructive channels such as the news might not be good.. though one could choose to simply read or hear enough of what happened to get a feel for the essence of who to send/give blessings/energy, prayers/intention, and love to. though not watch or read for too long as to get caught up in all that fearful programming, as this is exactly what those sort of messages are designed to do, to keep us afraid and enslaved in the existing systems that require people to give their power and energy and life away to governments, military, corporations, banks, police, etc, etc. now i’m not saying we vanish all these systems this very instant with consciousness still where its at. however, the more of us that choose to see through the illusion of control and fear that requires and sustains these very systems and external forces, the more quickly we won’t have a need for any of the systems. the more of us that choose and learn to live our lives from a place of peace, joy, love, etc, the more quickly we’ll see the end of violence, war, and any kind of suffering. as we awaken to higher levels of reality and consciousness, we will see that all suffering is being created by our own perspectives of the mind, and that we no longer have to be live from that place. as our hearts open, we will begin to feel life and let go of resistance to what the mind has been creating and the limited viewpoints and beliefs that have been programmed by both our own previous experiences, manipulations/indoctrination by others, and the collective consciousness. as more of us begin to see through the veil and heal, we will naturally radiate energy from a higher place of peace and love. this higher energy that we feel internally will be what we begin to see reflected back to us in the external world. others will pick up on this vibration and begin to live from that place as well. (this is already all happening) this will spread to all of humanity and we will see great shifts in the world. without our own internal suffering, there will be no external suffering in the world. without our fear-based so-called rational thinking of the mind, we will no longer have to worry about our own survival or the survival of our family or other groups we identify with. we will begin to feel, trust, and know that everything is being taken care of for us by a greater power. (this doesn’t mean we completely let go of the mind, but rather we can choose to use it as a tool, rather than it use us) with the clarity of living without fear or limited belief systems, we will be able to see clearly exactly what steps we need to take to make the world a better place. our intuition and connection with others will lead us to work together to heal the planet. we’ll naturally and effortlessly collaborate in whatever way we’re best suited to do to create a world where everyone has healthy food, good shelter, clean water, and can live freely and at peace. no longer will anyone be forced to do something they don’t want or be manipulated or negatively influenced by an external force, as we will all be in tune with our own inner guidance coming directly from the divine, source, universe, higher mind, etc. this direct guidance comes from a place where we are all one and connected, and all of our actions will naturally be aligned with the greatest good rather than the fears/control/manipulation of the lower mind/ego. as this great shift in perspective occurs in the bodies, minds, and spirits of all of humanity, so much of what we currently see happening in the world will change, as the previous world was being created by humanity living from a place of disconnection, from a place of the lower mind/ego/fear, and that previous world will no longer serve a purpose and thus quickly dissolve, making way for a beautiful new world to unfold and grow before us.

for anyone living a world predominantly influenced by external factors and still engulfed in the old systems, the first step is to begin to see how these external systems truly do not serve humanity, and at the same time, to gain greater awareness and become more open to new possibilities. practice meditation, yoga, go for walks in nature, or do something else to help calm and transcend the mind. the more time you spend calming and becoming free of the mind, the more quickly it will lose its grasp. modalities that assist in healing one’s emotions and feeling through elements of one’s past that are unresolved or still showing up today can greatly help in quicken this process, as can receiving various forms of blessing (energy transfer, or direct experience of spirit), such as the flowering heart blessing or the oneness awakening blessing/deeksha. as you become free of the ego/mind, you’ll realize how much suffering it caused that is no longer there and you’ll be able to clearly see what no longer serves you or humanity. from this place of clarity, you can deliberately choose to focus your attention and energy on what does benefit yourself, humanity, and the planet as a whole. your higher vibration/frequency alone will be a gift to the world, as will be any actions you feel inspired to take to help transform, shift, and create the new world, no matter how big or small.

tonight after dinner i went for a walk out to the main entrance of the development here and stopped near the end by east lake road, on the opposite sidewalk/trail this time, and looked at the fountain that was lit on the water. as i was simply looking at the fountain, after remembering back to when i first started photography and took some nice long exposure photos of it, i shot a couple photos on my phone, and then i began to notice that the cars on east lake road seemed to be moving pretty slowly. i was able to easily follow them as they passed by in the distance. they seemed to be going much slower than the 50mph speed limit and they didn’t seem as loud. there were enough of them that had gone by for a while that it couldn’t be that they were actually going that slow. it was that i had slowed down.

i must’ve stepped out of the mind without realizing it. i suppose it’s been difficult to tell if i’m in the mind or not as the mind has been pretty quiet or silent for years and i can step out of the thoughts or stop them most of the time. perhaps, although the mind is usually quiet, there’s still a sense or urge to be wanting to move forward, or some other subtle anxiety or fear i’m feeling that’s preventing me from relaxing into the stillness of the moment. it reminded me a bit of when i stepped into feeling during one of the avatar courses and how beautiful it was. i wish i had written this right after or when i was still at the fountain as now i’m not feeling the words that were coming to me at the time. it was a subtle feeling, like being a little high, yet powerful. i recall having a similar feeling in the sense of the sounds of the cars passing by seeming distant the first time i was paddleboarding on the intracoastal and was slowly paddling my way back from an island to the causeway.. it was a bit different then as i recall the sounds seemed loud yet they were far away. i’m not sure that i perceived the cars moving slowly or not that time, though it was still nice to experience a slight shift in perception. it may have been getting a bit cold as the sun was going down if i recall and it was in the cooler part of the year. tonight it was a little cool as it was dark, though i just accepted it and experienced and remembered how beautiful it was to walk down the sidewalk and experience the way the trees, plants, and fountain were lit at night. since most of the area was fairly dark and only some parts were lit, it makes sense that my attention was easily focused on the sight and sounds of the water spraying up into the air. through this, i must’ve naturally stepped out of the mind and into feeling the here and now. part of my back had started hurting this morning though that was gone when i was out there. and i don’t recall feeling the pains or sensations in my hands as they’re healing. the feelings and thoughts about the healing taking so long were gone, as were the thoughts and feelings about potentially not doing as well as i could on my investments. i simply was present there. [i think i had also let go of a bit of the concern of looking weird walking with my hand up to prevent swelling] afterwards on the walk back to the house, after the mind had started thinking a bit about the whole experience, i saw an airplane passing by overhead and it seemed to be going slower than normal too.

it was a bit of a miracle to have this unexpected experience. some may think of it as a little bit of an awakened state though it feels more of a natural state we can live in often or on a regular basis. it was subtle yet beautiful to just feel life in the moment. there wasn’t anything outstanding about it.. i didn’t have to go chasing after some goal or traveling to some new distant land.. i just simply discovered what was already here in a new way, yet once again. and its likely none of the external desires or goals would’ve provided such a simple yet profound experience. it was funny that it ocurred around the same spot as yesterday when i went for a walk and felt i slipped into the present moment and realized that the walk seemed much longer than it actually was. it’s also funny that the fountain is less than a couple hundred feet behind the house yet i have to walk half a mile to go down the block and then out the main entrance to get there. and that i normally don’t hear the fountain and forget its there from the house as i typically just hear the traffic. it’s quite funny how close yet how far away it is. and also quite funny how so many of us are chasing after bigger, better, faster, more, when slowing down and relaxing into the moment yields such a simple yet more profound and deeper experience than the never-ending chase. the world around us truly is beautiful when we learn to perceive it more fully.

recently i decided to sell my condo as they weren’t going to let me park my van there and i’d much prefer to have my own land with a new home. just a few days after listing it, i got an offer under contract though the buyer ended up canceling as their job transfer was offering a bit less than they wanted. i don’t recall exactly all the interests and potential offers, though i just wanted to be done with it especially as i heard the market may crash in the near future. i asked the divine for it to be closed before the phenomenon and gift course on 9/9. in early august i got an offer with a closing date of 9/8. a few days before closing, i found out that the p&g course in fort lauderdale was being canceled because of the category 5 hurricane en route. i didn’t follow all the details of the storm and did my best to avoid the media and the fear it spreads. the storm wouldn’t reach the west coast (if it went that way) until after closing that friday. as the title company and buyer’s lender were preparing the paperwork for closing, i saw an email from the buyer’s agent on thursday suggesting waiting until after the storm passes. i wasn’t exactly happy and left a message for the title agent and my realtor saying i do not agree with waiting until after the storm. my realtor, also a oneness trainer, reminded me to stop worrying and trust my divine. on friday morning they were still working on getting the documents from the buyer’s recent home sale out of state, though they weren’t able to get them in time as the title company was closing early that day so the closing was postponed until tuesday after the storm. i was a little concerned but overall stayed calm with faith that it’d all work out. at one point, i had seen projected paths of the storm going right up the west coast of florida, though i didn’t let it bother me too much as it was still a ways away. michael from the flowering heart center in clearwater had sent out a forward he received with a concordance to dissipate the storm. i did some of what it said briefly and also sent good energy, intentions, etc to the condo and the whole surrounding area. i spent that saturday helping frank and kristin from the flowering heart center in downers grove set up their booth at theosofest and was giving deeksha all day to those who stopped by. it felt good to let the energy flow through me during the day and i wasn’t really thinking about the storm. sunday i went to a park or forest preserve that i had never been to and spent most of the day there. i think sunday evening the mind did start to think of different scenarios and what i would do, though besides that i remained calm and trusted it’d all work out. i heard from my mom on monday that my folks had gone to the condo after the storm left and it was fine. out of curiosity, i tried to search online for the actual path the storm took and was only seeing the projected paths. i called a friend down there and he told me that it was on the west coast of florida down by naples though turned inland and went through lakeland. the wind speeds seem to have slowed down quicker than forecast as it was only a category 2 or maybe less when it was passing through there. besides some loss of power and downed trees, it seems to have caused minimal damage to tampa bay from what i’ve heard. it’s a miracle that it didn’t go directly through tampa bay and that no damage occurred at my condo. i’m grateful for closing happening last week and for being able to relax, surrender, and trust that the divine had everything in order for it to work out. it does feel like it was a simple surrender.. i was a little upset before when i was trying to get them to still close on friday, though when it wasn’t happening, there was nothing else i could do (as far as in the physical world of taking action) so i sent/set some good energy/intention/prayers and let go. in the past i’d be worried or anxious the whole time, and this time i was able to be calm and not let something i couldn’t control take over me. i accepted that even if the condo were damaged or destroyed by the storm, that things would still work out and i’d still move forward in some way. perhaps being detached from outcome/control helped it all unfold how it did. i suppose i’m technically homeless now and i ended up having to pay more than i was told or expected for closing costs, though i’m glad to move forward into a new chapter. i don’t know exactly where i’ll live or end up, though i look forward to the journey and to having my own land somewhere peaceful, quiet, beautiful, natural, and sacred to live in the not-so-distant future.

another miracle is that i’ve noticed recently as i’ve been growing and letting go in other ways, it’s been easier for me to connect with others. i’m grateful for making new friends at the flowering heart center in downers grove. it’s also really great that others are also interested in creating a sustainable community with tiny or alternate homes. this is a vision i’ve had for a long time and it feels like the pieces are coming together now. it’ll be really beautiful to have land where some of the community can have their own homes if they choose to, and where we can gather together daily if we like.

in addition to connection with others, i’ve been asking the divine for abundance, and recently a friend called me and asked me about an investment he suggested a few months ago. i had totally forgot about doing it as i got caught up in working on the van and trying to get out of florida in the summer. after speaking with him again, i’m realizing how much great potential this really has and am grateful for being able to do it now. i was a little concerned about what i’d do after selling the condo as i could put the proceeds towards land or a tiny home but not both, and the van is really too small for full time living. now with this opportunity i’ll see great returns and be able to get land and build a nice home. i previously had no idea how it’d work out and now the divine has presented me with the way i hadn’t thought of. sometimes we really do just need to let go and surrender in order to allow the divine to unfold miracles and beautiful unexpected experiences for us. i’m grateful for all the blessings i’ve received and continue to receive. and i’m grateful for the divine continuing to flow through me. despite some of the challenges and obstacles we may face at times, life can truly be beautiful and amazing and miraculous. it feels like part of stepping into this new golden age will be stepping into the age of miracles and grace.

(a response to my friend Larry to an email/article he forwarded to me)

“I figure it out as I go.”

brilliant! :)

that’s usually what i do in my creative or technical process…. though i let the big things that i think of as important work differently.. i try to over-think them and know all the details and answers ahead of time rather than just let it all unfold and only figure out the little pieces as i go.. i could ramble on much more about this.. and how this is allowing the divine/universe to bring exactly what we need at any point in time and just what we need, nothing more, nothing less.. we don’t need to know all the answers ahead of time :) i’m just about ready to order my van. actually am waiting now on the dealers to get me quotes so i can place the order. i will go check a couple things tomorrow to make sure i want all the options i’ve picked, but other than that i’m ready to roll. it’s exciting! i even see how everything is unfolding perfectly.. the other day, out of nowhere, a friend of mine who i met in chicagoland wrote me saying she’s in georgia, just over the florida border, and thinking of moving there and wants to collaborate to build a sustainable community. a couple days after that, i run into my neighbors when getting back home (who i usually don’t see or run into that often), and they say they’re looking to buy a home (they’re renting the unit downstairs) and they may want something bigger than my unit but their son might want it. it’s crazy how it can all come together so smoothly and effortlessly when we’re in the flow :) this is how life should really happen. and just like how i’m writing this to you. thank you for the inspiration. i wanted to type up and share the “miracles” that unfolded the other days but didn’t, and now i see how responding to what you wrote me was exactly what i needed to share them and type them up. thank you! life can really flow like this and all the time, if we allow ourselves to live life like this. we need not get stuck in the things we’re resisting or not wanting. let go, let it flow. i don’t know exactly what everything will look like in selling mostly everything and living out of a van, though i’m sure it’ll be a fun adventure. part of me was over-thinking it and thinking how much money i’d essentially lose selling a car i just bought 2.5 years ago (after selling my truck after around the same amount of time of owning it and losing a whole lot on it), but hanging onto what we might have now just because of some fear of losing out while not fully enjoying all aspects of it or holding ourselves back from something even better is no way to live. so it’s time. time to let go and be free. and allow this amazingly beautiful life to unfold before us, and flow through us in new expressions and enjoyment and consciousness.

thank you Larry, gonna post this on my website/journal!

four years ago today [2012.11.16]

in a parking lot near the gulf in florida, i woke up this morning before dawn and continued driving east along the coast.  i saw the beautiful colors of the dawn sky while driving over a bridge, and briefly stopped at a little beach further up before the road would turn inland.  i then drove most of the day and made it home in the middle of the afternoon.

life on the road was a 72 day long journey and i ended up back in florida when it was over.  it was a fun adventure though i really wanted to have a home base, and after having left a beautiful community that felt like home in the summer, i also had longed for one to partake in.  i felt i'd find this back in florida.

for a long time i had wanted to take a long trip out west and get an rv.  it was awesome to see it actually happen.  it feels good to live your dreams and change your life.  if you're not where you want to be in life, simply change.  you may have to face things you are resisting, though once you feel them and embrace them, you'll see they really are no big deal and you can let them go, freeing up room for whatever is next in your journey.

it feels good to be done with these videos and free up the space for whatever is next in life.  for a long time, i wanted to make these, though something always got in the way, even if it was my own self.  in life we often get in our own way.  the way to stop doing it is to face whatever it is that's really there with an open heart.  we can heal our own lives.. often so much of what's happening in life that's getting in the way is really something pretty simple that we don't want to experience.  all we need to do is feel it, own it, and let it go.  the world we experience is simply a mirror of our own thoughts and feelings.  as we learn to face and experience what we're resisting, we can change how we're feeling.  as we change our feelings, we transform.  as we transform, the world we see transforms.  this is how we create the world we want to see and experience.. by simply changing how we're feeling.  you too can create the life or world you've been waiting for.. it all starts by changing what you're feeling within.
four years ago today [2012.11.13]

i spent the night in the guest room at my uncle and aunt's home in austin.  after being in the small camper for many nights, it was nice to have a bit more space to move about.  in the morning we went to a local place for breakfast, and i remember my uncle telling me about a comic book project he was working on.  it was nice to see them and chat for a bit in the morning.  i left in the middle of the day to meet a home builder in a town a little east of there whom specialized in concrete earth-sheltered homes.  i saw one of the houses he had built and learned about the technique.

i then made my way over to the houston area where i met a couple friends.  it had been a while since i'd seen them and it was nice to see them on my way back to florida.  my friend showed me his delorean which he didn't have there when i had visited a few years earlier.  it looked great.. he had kept it in really good condition.  he told me a story of how he took it to a drive-thru and was stuck with his arm out the little window unable to get the big drink he ordered in.  we had pizza for dinner and talked or watched tv for a little while, and i spent the night in their guest room.  again, it was nice to get a little bit of a break from the small space of the camper.
four years ago today [2012.11.10]

as the sun was rising, i woke up on the side of a dirt road just off u.s. highway 50 in eastern colorado.  when driving east the night before, i remember going on a continual descent as i was leaving the rockies.  this day was one of the longest days driving.  i drove from the time i got up to the time i went to sleep, only making short stops to eat, use the bathroom, or get gas.  it was a really long drive heading east across the whole state, though i got to see tumbleweed tumble across the country highway.  when i stopped at dusk for the evening, i was only 10-15 miles from the missouri border, and it was almost exactly ten hours from when i had started in the morning.

somewhere in kansas, i got pulled over by a police officer or state trooper.. it was strange as i wasn't speeding (most of the time i'd only drive 50-55mph to get better gas mileage, though sometimes would go faster if i was on a descent or getting tired of driving or something). i asked if i had missed a stop sign or something.. he stopped me as he had read the digits on my license plate incorrectly when he was randomly checking it and thought it was an invalid plate.  luckily it didn't take long for him to check my registration and verify it was valid.. i grabbed a clif bar and had a snack while i waited.  some days on the road i would eat more than one bar or other little snacks to keep me going while driving or exploring and wouldn't really have actual meals.  since i had a lot of time after it got dark early on these shorts days, i probably would at least make a sandwich or cook soup or something when stopping for the night.  it was a little more difficult stopping early as more people would still be driving around as they were heading home from work or errands or whatnot, and i preferred not to be noticed sleeping on the sides of the road.  luckily, i wasn't bothered and not too many people usually went by in the spots i stayed.
four years ago today [2012.11.08]

i awoke overlooking the grand canyon.  i recall it being a windy night as i photographed the stars over the moonlit canyon.  as dawn broke, i explored the overlooks and saw the park in the morning light.. i hadn't had much time to see it when i arrived the afternoon before.

i then headed south a bit to sedona, and drove down the very bumpy and winding schnebly hill road.  this rock road was the worst one on my trip.. i had driven it years before in a car (that was bottoming out) and an suv.  i went back to visit as it was such a beautiful area.. though it felt different this time, and was not as exciting as my earlier times there.  i had thought of photographing the stars off the rock road, though there were signs saying no camping and it was forecast to rain, so i headed to town for a meal with cactus fries and then kept going.  i had photographed the stars there on previous trips (while sleeping uncomfortably in a car) so it wasn't too bad to skip it this trip.  i drove north on arizona state route 89a and stopped at the oak creek vista to see the views of the canyon and winding roads below.  it was pretty windy up there and rained when i was back on the road.  i got on the interstate and made my way east to new mexico.  rather than look for a spot on the side of the small road somewhere, i spent the night in a parking lot at a walmart i'd seen right off the interstate.. if this is the time i'm thinking, it was loud with the sounds of noisy diesel truck engines running all night not too far off in the distance.  in the morning, i'd make my way over to taos to check out the earthships.
four years ago today [2012.11.05]

i slept in zion canyon under the stars spinning overhead.  i explored more of the park as i hadn't had much time after arriving the afternoon before.  it was a really amazing and beautiful place.  i went on a couple of short hikes in the canyon area and saw trees with brilliant yellow, orange, and red leaves before taking the tunnel east out of the park.  past the tunnel, i was surrounded by nice rock formations on the road toward the east entrance.

i drove back to arizona to check out the north rim of the grand canyon and got there with not much daylight left.  i made it to cape royal and angel's window as the sun was going down.  when i walked out to the first overlook, i remember being struck in awe.  it was so inspiring and magnificent to be there.  it was really silent, the light was beautiful, and there was no one else there.  it was a breathtaking experience.  i took it all in quickly and ran to the next spot before the sun went down.  after i was at the first spot for a little bit, a park ranger came by to say they were closing the main road out in a little while due to the recent fires.

i remember reading one of the signs that really opened my eyes up to how enormous the canyon actually was.  i don't remember the exact numbers it said, though when i read how many miles away some of the features or other side of the canyon was and that the large rock formation that looked like it was right there was also a couple miles away, i was struck in awe just as much as i was (if not more than) by the beauty when i first got out to the angel's window overlook.  it was really amazing how i perceived the sense of scale before and after knowing how far it really was.  i knew the grand canyon was big but wasn't thinking of it when i was memorized by its beauty.  when what looked like was right there was really far away, it meant the canyon and formations were really much deeper and grander than it had first appeared from where i stood.

after it was getting dark, i drove up a little to a nearby overlook where the parking lot was right by the edge, and i set up a time-lapse shot of the stars over the canyon below.
four years ago today [2012.11.02]

i woke up at a very crowded campground this morning and got on the road heading toward the desert.  i saw countless windmills along both sides of the interstate.. it was great to see renewable energy becoming more prevalent.  i went to palm desert and ended up in the el paseo shopping district where i stopped for a little bit.  it was nice to step outside and feel the high energy of the desert heat.  the upscale shops in the desert reminded me of when i had visited scottsdale years back.  i loved the warm desert colors of all the architecture in palm desert.  i looked back at what i wrote this day and it looks like it felt really amazing being in the desert.. some of what i wrote was "even at 89 or 90 degrees i wasn’t sweating! the energy here felt really high! it’s like a celebration of the love of the sun!” i think it felt good to relax in the warmth.. i think i was finally pretty much done with the work project that had dragged on for most of the trip too.  after walking around the outdoor shops, i went over to the nearby campground i was staying at and checked in.  the campground was filled with palm trees, lined down all the rows of rv spots, though it was a bit loud being right next to the interstate.  i'd continue my desert exploration in the morning.
four years ago today [2012.10.30]

i woke up early parked on the streets of carmel-by-the-sea.. i think there was some noise at night or in the morning from a truck nearby, and i had wanted to leave before anyone noticed i was sleeping in the camper on the street.  i got a sub for breakfast and explored a small beach before going to point lobos.  when i got there, they said there was no entrance fee for walking or biking in but one for driving in.  i parked on the side of california route 1 near other cars a few hundred feet up, grabbed my folding bike and camera, and went in to explore.  it was pretty large and i spent a good while there before heading south.

it was a long day of driving and exploring.  i stopped at some spots in big sur.. it was quite beautiful there with many overlooks of the coast.  i saw a number of antique cars drive by when i was at one of them before heading to hearst castle.  the first friend i met in san francisco had told me it was a neat place to check out though the last tour of the day had already started when i got to the visitor center.  something told me to have a closer look at the photos and postcards in the gift shop when i was about to leave.  as i walked around there, my awareness was all of a sudden drawn to the girl at the cash register.  i felt her energy from where i stood and felt like i could feel what she was really communicating when i heard her speaking.  almost the instant i was drawn to her, she ran her hand through her hair to adjust it, and a split second later i decided i wouldn't talk to her and would get going to cambria.  although i didn't see it, something told me she did that to show me her ring.. i walked around for a few seconds before leaving and noticed she indeed did have something shiny on her left hand.  it was amazing to feel the connection and experience how quickly we can communicate at a higher level through feeling.

it was foggy in cambria.. i explored a spot by the water and checked out a couple empty lots of land that were for sale.  i thought perhaps i could get one to stay between my journeys though i wouldn't have been able to stay long term due to a water shortage in town.
four years ago today [2012.10.27]

i headed south to pinnacles national park and explored there before going to another campground near the park.  i remember it being warm, in the 80's, during my hiking and exploration of the park.  i went on a long trail around a lot of the park.. it was interesting to wander there and see its unique landscape.  near the end of my hike, i found a cave which was pitch black in some parts.  it was interesting to be walking through and not be able to see a thing, only hearing water running inside and feeling the cool air, as i found my way to the next room/area inside.  it must be an amazing experience to be exploring some of the really large, deep caves in the world and turn off your lights and just sit and experience the silence and darkness in such a remote place.

the campground i went to had a whole section that was empty.  i picked a spot out there and had the whole place to myself.  i'd be staying a couple nights and working on the computer most of the time so it was nice to be somewhere quiet.
four years ago today [2012.10.24]

the odometer on my truck crossed 20000 miles on the way to see the giant sequoias.  before the visit to giant sequoia national park, i hadn't seen these massive trees in person.  the trees had a different feel to them than the redwoods.  my heart felt more connected to the redwoods, though i still loved being in the presence of these giants.  exploring the park, i saw a little snow on the ground and on the distant mountains.  at another spot in the park, it was interesting to see little bits of the ground on fire and learn that the trees need the fire as part of their growth (and when the fires were being put out by man, the the trees didn't reproduce or grow like they previously had).

after seeing some of the trees near the entrance of the park, i made my way into kings canyon and took the road all the way to the end.  i explored, saw some waterfalls, and then found a spot to photograph the stars from inside the canyon before it got dark.  it felt pretty remote being surrounded by nature in the canyon.. it was another amazing place to spend the night sleeping under the stars.  i'm grateful for having chosen a self-contained rv that i could use to live life on the road from.  i had thought of lots of different options, such as getting a motorhome and having a smaller car for wandering, or a truck with a tow-behind or fifth wheel camper, though none of these would've made it easy to stay in beautiful places in nature, nor would it have been fun to have to drive all the way back to the campground every day.  with the truck camper, it was nice to just pick up and go from wherever i was.  everything was there with me on my home on wheels and i didn't have to look back.
four years ago today [2012.10.22]

i woke up covered in snow this morning.  the girl at the campground had said it wasn't going to stick.  i was laying in bed in the morning not feeling like getting up right away.. although i had the heat on, i think i was still cold.  it felt like i didn't have to rush, though i decided i ought to get up and go outside to see the little bit of snow that was there before it melted.

as i started to explore, i discovered at least several inches of snow covering everything, and it was still coming down.  the top of my camper was bowing down in the middle.  i opened the hatch to try to get some of the snow off the roof and some fell on my bed.  i didn't have a snow brush or anything so i was using my hands which were quickly freezing through my old gloves.  i had forgotten my folding bike outside the night before and had to get the snow off of it and pack it up.  waking up to this much snow certainly was an adventure i hadn't expected.  i couldn't get that much snow off the roof.. when i went to close it, i almost got smacked in the face with the piece that helps you put it up, as it quickly slammed down with all the weight on it.  usually bungee cords help pull the tent material together though the roof slammed down so quickly that they couldn't react and the tent material was hanging off the sides of the camper.  the roof wouldn't budge when i tried to lift it back up to put the tent back inside, so i had to drive with it like that until i got to lower elevation where the snow had melted.  i think i put the truck in 4x4 to help make the way through the snow, especially where it wasn't yet plowed.  the four wheel campers factory wasn't too far out of my way that day, so i stopped by and was told it was probably fine despite the bowing and driving with the tent material out.  gratefully, i never had any issues with leaks or anything after that.. i'm glad the camper was durable.

on my way to another campground, i saw some dark clouds all around.  i rode my bike around the lake at the campground and appreciated the warmer temperature.  it was a bit crazy.. in just a few days' time i had experienced summer, fall, and winter.
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four years ago today [2012.10.19]

i woke up and drove across the bay to san francisco to meet a couple of other friends who happened to be visiting san francisco.  it was overcast and foggy that day.  we went to eat at the vegetarian restaurant i'd been to the day before, the source.  afterwards, we went to explore the piers and saw the sea lions before going on a ride to see the golden gate bridge.  we left the bridge welcome center, drove by the coast a little, and then went down lombard street.  it was nice to spend time with them when we happened to be in the area.  we had a good conversation about group thinking and i remember one of my friends saying how i didn't really conform to any group.  after we parted ways, i drove east and spent the night at a campground between sacramento and lake tahoe.

the next day i wrote something about how it was funny to think about the city as a meeting place.  it was neat that i met friends from both florida and chicago when i was out in san francisco.  two lived there and two were just passing through.  i thought of how it was similar to how we all happen to be on earth at the same time and show up in each other's lives.  perhaps we all had decided and planned these meetings long before we even showed up on this planet.
four years ago today [2012.10.16]

i woke up at my first campground in california this day.  for lunch, i headed to town for a sub before making my way back toward the coast.  i remember it being nice and warm as i sat outside eating.  it was really great to get to experience some pleasant temperatures after all the cold days i'd been in earlier in the trip.

i made it over to point reyes national seashore late in the afternoon.  i remember visiting there when i first went to california nearly a decade earlier.. it was so amazing to experience what felt like thousands of miles of waves and wind hitting the coast.  i went back on this trip to explore and experience it again.  it was extremely windy near the lighthouse area and somewhere out there i lost the wind screen for my microphone.  when i realized it, i took a few steps back to look for it before deciding it was a lost cause with so much wind.  i drove to and explored parts of the seashore i hadn't seen the first time there.. it was all really beautiful.  it was getting dark so i spent the night in a parking lot and would explore more in the morning.

as some of you know (and a lot of you may not know), i’ve been looking to purchase land for some years now, either to build a new home, park a tiny home on wheels, or start a community. i sold the van i had over a year ago (as i wasn’t really using it as i had anticipated due to health issues) and previously sold the condo i had (shortly after i purchased the van), and my current living situation has been less than ideal (with negative/toxic/unhealthy influences that are not aligned with the directions i’m called to move forward in).

i don’t like to ask for help, though it seems perhaps i need to do so, as i’m in immediate need of a solution if i want to move forward with life and continue to live here on earth. what i need right now is a lot of land where i can permanently park some kind of tiny home on wheels (and ideally also grow organic food). the location should be somewhere i find peaceful (quiet, safe, private, natural, nice, clean, far from main roads and industrial areas, away from emf/emr, away from smokers and other sources of pollution, etc), most preferably in florida, in north pinellas or west hillsborough counties, so i can still be a part of local spiritual communities here and be near various health food stores & nature parks/preserves in the area. clean water, electricity, internet (ethernet), and sewer or septic on site would be preferable, though i could be partially or completely off-grid if necessary. i’m open to purchasing the land through 100% seller financing or via donations anyone can offer, or can consider renting the land for a low rate (around $100 per month plus utilities). i have some funds i can use to purchase a travel trailer (or a cargo trailer to convert into a custom tiny home on wheels), though currently not enough to also purchase the land (until my investments go back up). when my investments go back up to new highs, i’d be happy to pay back (or forward) any donations i receive. other than on vacant land, i could also consider parking in a big back yard (or front yard, if on a large acreage), though am not interested in sharing a house/apartment/etc as i really need my own personal space in order to heal, grow, and be able to tune into inspiration for the creative and technical work i do (and i wouldn’t really be able to relax if inside of someone else’s home, as i’d feel the need or pressure (even if subtle) to have to be following specific rules or looking for another place as its only temporary). if anyone has a good spot outside of florida, i’d consider going somewhere else if in a warmer state (with mild to non-existent winters), in/near nature, and by healthy food stores (with good produce and vegetarian/vegan options).

for decades i’ve been creating unique images, videos, and writing that i’ve shared freely (without advertising or sponsorship, aside from a couple of pieces of gear i’ve won or have been given). others find my creative work inspirational and i’d like to continue to create & share, but am currently barely able to, given the current circumstances of my living situation. i’d also like to be able to continue to support spiritual awakening & growth in others, though its extremely difficult to do so when i don’t have my own quiet, safe, sacred space in which i can heal, grow, relax and feel divine inspiration. and i’d like to help create eco-conscious communities that i know others desire, though this also requires a good space to effectively work on the various aspects of the project. please help me in being able to move forward in this life. i have other projects and things (like inspirational visions of a beautiful new earth we can collectively co-create) that i’d also like to be able to share when i’m in my own space. at times i’ve thought perhaps the divine doesn’t want me here anymore (as multiple things haven’t worked out in recent years where i ended up losing a good bit of money, i had clients whom didn’t paid me fully, and i have yet to receive the abundance (in any form) to purchase land and a new home), though i’d still like to stick around and i know others appreciate my presence. if you find any value in me or my life, please help me continue to live this life. while part of me doesn’t want to have to ask anyone for financial help, i suppose its the norm these days for content creators to ask for help in various ways from those who appreciate what they do. i recall a while back, around a decade ago, having inspiration to create a ‘help support the artist’ web page or site, though never created anything more than a simple affiliate link page that i didn’t promote, so here’s a more direct approach to asking for help.

please let me know if you have or know of anyone who has suitable land, and please contact me if you’re able to donate, help raise funds, or know anyone whom can. thank you, many blessings & much gratitude!

remember, the outer world is a reflection of what's happening inside.  the more of us that dive deep within and face and feel the fears or emotions we've been resisting, the sooner we'll see a change of what's being projected onto the movie screen of reality.  if we don't like what's playing, all we need to do is change the channel by shifting how we're feeling internally, in consciousness.

while we still ought to stay somewhat aware of the world around us, the more energy or attention we continue to give any given thing or circumstance we're seeing, the more of it will continue to show up.  instead of feeding something we may not want, take that time to sit quietly, meditate, and deeply feel what's going on within.  fully embrace whatever feelings or emotions may arise, even if they're ones you may not want. [by doing so, you are loving and accepting all aspects yourself (and the world) as they are.  it is only through this unconditional love that we can truly grow.]

by letting go of the resistance and completely surrendering into whatever it is you're feeling, you'll allow yourself to fully experience it within.  upon doing so, you will be free of it, and through its release it will cease projection onto the outer world.  this inner healing work can be quite miraculously, both individually and for the collective consciousness of humanity.  as enough of us continue to awaken and heal, we'll see big miracles and shifts in our life experience here on earth.

#writing #feeling #healing #growth #awakening #consciousness #reflection #world #clouds #sky #lookingup #nature #earth #love

i had an interesting experience last night during a dream. [and perhaps this experience is still continuing now (to a subtle degree), as i just got out of bed to write it, after pondering it for a bit.. as i just heard noise in the other room that seemed to be a distraction now at this point that i want to write this.. and i’ve experienced that other times too, distractions from my parents in the other room when i’m exploring something or other here.. its almost like part of them doesn’t want me to grow, as i notice the distractions when i’m exploring something new.. though i do imagine it could also be my perception of them not wanting me to grow (from what i’ve seen before in the past and have been conditioned to think having very often seen their limited perspectives on life) that is causing it in those moments too… which has all been related to the struggle i’ve faced recently of currently not having my own home or a good solution for a home or land where i can park + build a tiny home..]

anyhow back to the details of the experience, as much of them as i can remember, as its been some hours now.. i thought of getting out of bed to write it down after/when it was happening, though felt i might not be able to get back to sleep afterwards [as i’ve had some issues sleeping multiple times in the past couple weeks, though it has been better these recent days and i’ve been napping a bit more, partially as i’m not seeing anything i can do to move forward and feel i don’t really have anything else i can do in my life while i’m waiting for something to unfold in the world for me to take the next step, and also partially so i can stop continuously looking for an answer or solution with something that currently exists in the world that really isn’t a good option (and stop trying to make something work thats not going to end up working well long term or that i still am missing an aspect of, such as a place to be able to park whatever travel trailer or vehicle i’m considering).. so i’ve been just napping and sleeping more these last couple days to try to avoid running around in circles looking for something that’s not there yet, and hopefully (by stopping the doing and striving) be able to face whatever it is i’m feeling (or resisting), so i can feel better and not want to just leave the planet (because i don’t want to continue being stuck and feeling there’s no point to staying here if i can’t simply move forward in a direction i want to grow or explore in life)].

anyhow, i was in a dream and though things were strange in the dream, like i was seeing that some things didn’t quite make sense or match up with the experience i knew to be true here in the physical world, it felt true or real enough in the dream that i stayed in the dream and kept going along with it and experiencing it as if it was real. (and, though i don’t remember all the exact details, i do remember seeing that it was just the mind processing different elements from the day or my life in a different way) after a little while in the dream, someone said something to me that didn’t make sense, as i knew it wasn’t true in my daily physical world experience.. often at this point in a dream, i’d feel myself quickly departing as i knew it was just a dream and there was no point in staying in it any longer as it wasn’t real.. though, i sat there pondering it for a while, looking at if it could be true in some sense (if i recall correctly, though perhaps not), and realizing it was just a dream, but still lingering there looking at it from a detached place.. almost like the dream itself was on pause as i wasn’t in it, though i was looking or thinking or pondering about what happened.. but i was at a place where i could almost go back into the dream, and part of me was trying to go back to see what would happen next in the unfolding of the story, but then i wasn’t able to, as part of me knew it was just a dream and i couldn’t go back in to the illusion knowing it wasn’t really real.

i almost forgot to write.. after this dream experience i had what felt like a profound experience (that i don’t recall all the details of).. where i think i was in a place of white light, and there was some sense of things (like the dream or aspects of it) dissolving into the light (i don’t quite recall exactly how or if i’m describing it well, but it felt something like this). i think from that place i did feel more of a sense of source where i was dissolving these things or experiences into the light, and where i could create new ones too (from the light?). i wanted to write more about this part as i do recall it being a profound experience and this is what i wanted to actually share rather than the details of the dream (which i had forgotten until i went looking for it shortly before getting out of bed to write this) or what it reminds me below or the preface above.. but i think being awake now with distractions of the physical world, i’m not quite remembering the exact feeling or details of the experience [hmm, re-reading this, i had the thought something like: perhaps in the physical world i’m forgetting source to see what just plays out on its own (in this story/dream of life)]. though it was a nice unexpected way to remember being source of this all. i’ve had profound experiences in the avatar course of this, though haven’t practiced any of the exercises or tools in quite a long time.. which brings me to what i wrote below about remembering an experience (that i had written before adding this paragraph with the most important part of the experience last night that i almost forgot as i went looking for the other details).

this reminded me a bit of a powerful experience i had at the beginning of the avatar course, where i was being taken through a series of exercises to ground myself into feeling (i think that was the purpose or intention).. and at the end of the last exercise, i recall feeling that (having broken through whatever resistances were previously there) i could live from a place of feeling, and that i was already starting to.. and the more deeply i dove into that, the more i was feeling more open and expanded.. then a little into that, another master came over and asked what i was doing and said that i was leaving my body (and i immediately felt myself come back into my body).. afterwards (and maybe during too, its been quite some years now, i don’t recall exactly) the world appeared brighter and more beautiful. (i recall not long before the whole experience at the course i was having thoughts ‘i love myself’ as an affirmation but then immediately after the thought ‘and i want to die’ would follow.. maybe having felt a way out to just live from feeling without the body or mind, i was trying to dissolve into that. afterwards, the master who was guiding me through the exercises asked if i had done energy work before, and i said no, but felt (maybe?) i had in a past life).

i ponder all this (and there was more that’s not coming to me at this moment), as i was wondering about where i’m at it in life and my spiritual journey (and how i did steer away from the spiritual growth for some years), and wondering if i need to first take care of my own life and create a life i enjoy and love, so that as i continue back along the spiritual journey i don’t end up trying to leave life again the next time i experience awakening more deeply (and realizing this illusion isn’t real). perhaps thats also why i don’t seem to have had such profound experiences as others lately.. either that i’m already awakened beyond those experiences other have had, or that i’m resisting feeling the energy or shifts as i’ve stayed grounded here in the body since the experience i had where i was told i was leaving the body (though i did have another profound experience later in the advanced course where i felt that i was the spirit moving and flowing, and that the body simply followed), or perhaps a bit of both (as i’m both already awakened and choosing to be grounded here to be able to experience more of everyday life.. or perhaps its also, as i do recall being drawn to the highest level of bodhisattva (where one waits for others to awaken before entering heaven) and, that i’ve chosen to forget enough of who i really am to a degree as i wait for everyone else to catch up and not get left behind.. or that i just want to explore different paths to awakening and need to forget enough in order for the new/next awakening experience to be effective…. but i think i’ve explored this already in other recent writings and i’m going off (the rails) on a tangent here). [i think there was more i was pondering and wondering and reflecting on, though i added the paragraph a couple above that i almost forgot before writing this one, and i now don’t remember this part.. it seems that sometimes going off on the tangents and exploring in multiple directions at a time can get us lost along the way (or it just takes longer to find our way back home doing so.. perhaps its part of the challenge of seeing how far one can go and still find their way back home, though that itself is another tangential path to explore)]

one of the beauties of spiritual growth is that one’s perception of the world, time, and reality will change. as one finds more peace in life, one will be able to live much more fully in the present moment. as one moves through life and lets go of resistance (and attachment to the past), more depth can be found in the here and now.

i’ve known this (and have been feeling it in more recent times), though its always great to be reminded yet once again. i just realized that something that seemed like it happened months ago only took place six weeks ago. so much more can be felt and experienced more deeply when living more fully in the here and now. experiences can quickly arise and dissolve, allowing more space and energy to experience whatever continues to unfold in this journey we call life. [as we allow things to dissolve (and past experiences (or time) feels more distant than it is), we create the space to move forward more deeply in the presence]

at more profound states, minutes can seem like hours, and one can truly feel (and experience) life with awareness of all the details of the simple yet beautiful experience unfolding in any given moment.

the presence is all around us, and at all times. we simply need to let go of all the doing and thinking that become the blocks to perceiving it.

allow your consciousness to shift, transform, and expand. life is amazingly beautiful as we heal, grow, and evolve.

the mind wanting more is simply a form of it resisting (feeling) what is.

the mind wanting more is simply a form of resistance to feeling what is.

each day spend more time nurturing the heart’s capacity to feeling (rather than the mind’s desires, goals, or activities).

look at how you spend most of your time.. is it in connecting through the heart, or controlling through the mind?

do your influences and surroundings cultivate heartfelt connections, or further perpetuate separation, competition, control, and fears of the mind?

are you one wanting to have it all, or one with all that is?

life and existence can be as easy as simply shifting your focus / attention / energy / thoughts / activities / priorities from what the mind thinks it wants to what the heart knows it feels.

sometimes i wonder if i should remove all of the writing i’ve posted online. while some is inspirational or helpful, it seems some is too technical, some i might not fully like, and some has come as a product of less than ideal surroundings/influence i’ve had most of my life. (and it would take too much time to read through everything to remove what no longer resonates with me, so would be simpler to just remove it all, at least for now) perhaps i’m being too harsh on myself or what i’ve experienced from others around me… i do realize everything can tell a story too, though i don’t want to be attached to the story, nor do i want the story to have too much ego/mind in it (though i suppose it could simply tell the story of overcoming the ego/mind through various awakenings.. but i also realize it’s not all about the story.. and while the story can help (to a degree), simply being the change is more effective). anyhow, just some thoughts of feelings i’ve been experiencing for a while now, as i’ve thought about completely taking down my website and anything else i’ve made that might be on the internet. i do recall, a long while back, when i made the work all about the images and there was no writing/journaling.. perhaps it was simpler back then, and i’ve allowed the mind (and others’ viewpoints i’ve explored or taken on) to make it much too complex. perhaps creating art or some form of self-expression through the whole spiritual exploration/expansion/awakening process isn’t the simplest path (in part as it can bring about aspects of the mind, depending where one is coming from at any given moment, and especially more so when one does a lot of technical work that also involves the mind), though i have seen and felt how impactful it can be to see or read something beautiful or inspired (and how this experience of wonder and awe can invoke deeper realization and connection).

[other than writing i’ve shared about my own experiences, i’ve also felt i should remove all the external content (by others) i’ve posted.. while it can be interesting to see what another has found interesting, or to have a little bit of an understanding of how one got to where one was going, it also only perpetuates the story (and sense of time), and it’d be nearly impossible to document every single little step of the way, as in every single moment something is affecting/unfolding the journey/experience to some degree (and some of the things from the past no longer resonate and would no longer be recommended or of interest from where i’m at now). and what matters most is the whole unfolding process, not the details themselves (for too many details can just bring us back into the mind), but the process itself, the experience itself. the experience is what we are, as well as the experiencer. we can dwell in the past experience, or we can yearn for a better future (and hope to inspire or help ourselves and others lean this way), though all that truly matters is happening right now. we must feel and experience where we are at. as we move through that (and depending which way we choose), we will experience and step into the next present moment of now. though it will always be here and now (from which we perceive). what/when/where/why/how do not matter. while ultimate truth is the answer, it is beyond questions and answers. one day we’ll wake up beyond this life and be able to laugh at it. and perhaps that’s all it has been, one big (intentional) divine joke (at multiple levels) that we’ve simply chosen this time around.]

sometimes the way out is through. we must explore and embrace the forgotten, resisted, or lost parts of our self in order to for them to become whole again (and be able to fully dissolve).

i went to the introduction to Michael & Suzanne’s new course at the Flowering Heart Center this evening. they shared the flowering heart eye blessing at the end and it was pretty powerful. in the beginning, for a little bit, i saw connection, or oneness, and saw a bit of a white haze or light in the room. it felt like the more i tuned into the light the more i could feel the oneness (and see the divine). i had a vivid experience of seeing others as parts of myself nearly a decade ago (and have had glimpses of this since then). its beautiful to experience a bit of it again. it felt like the divine was coming through during the meditation/blessing and i was able to perceive this during part of the process. i could also see where i had resistance coming up and how it blocked the experience of oneness. i could also see the relation between the eye blessing and some of the Avatar feel-it processes. it seems this connection or oneness between us can simply be experienced by extended ‘feeling’ of the other, or opening/extending one’s heart to the other by looking at the other (and gazing into the other’s eyes in the case of the eye blessing experience). it makes sense how the direction of one’s attention is part of the process, and how the blessing is powerful when the eye blessing giver is connecting back with you. [i wanted to write more.. the insights were more powerful and profound when i felt them earlier on my way home, and have lost the exact words or feeling now after showering and getting to the computer.] one of the most powerful, beneficial, healing, and profound things one can do in one’s life is to heal whatever blocks there are to fully feeling and being present. life is so much more beautiful when we are fully present and connected with others and the world around us. there are so many distractions in the world that prevent us from seeing and experiencing this connection. on a mental and physical level, eliminating distractions is helpful. on an emotional or mental level, feeling and healing whatever resistances, charges, and subconscious programming one has is very helpful. the only thing blocking us from fully experiencing life, god, oneness, enlightenment, etc is our own self. as we heal ourself, the beautiful light and revelation will pour through in our self-realization. we’ve been creating this experience all along. we can heal it and change it if we choose to. i would highly recommend the new course at the Flowering Heart Center, the Avatar Course, or any other experiential workshop/process that takes one into and through one’s charges, resistances, etc. it was good to hear Michael speak about how our intention can direct us through different dimensions, planes, or aspects of this reality, and to mention the upper chakras and their relationship to the planes/dimensions/lokas. i’ve experienced or have had feelings of this in the past, and it was great to hear all of the topics he condensed down into the introduction tonight. he had said it all in the past (and i’ve had other understandings related to it), though it was great to hear it all again in a new light. it was also great how he mentioned that sometimes one has to just hear the message from a different person even if someone has been saying it to them over and over. it’s funny how reality can work like that. there were other great insights too related to my own journey or perspectives, like how he spoke of reality being a spherical projection around the projector in the middle, which reminded me of the 360×180 degree little planet images i create [i recall discovering this look/technique only after i had grown to better understand consciousness/life/reality.. although it was only a mental concept at the time, i was on the way to soon understand it more deeply, experientially]. it was also great to hear Michael mention (again, recently) that the faster one goes the slower time goes (until it stops when one is going at the speed of light).. i recall, long before knowing anything conceptually about the spiritual path, feeling something related to this.. needing to go faster to change the perception of time or reality (and did have profound experiences where minutes seemed like hours). i know we don’t need an external teacher (as mentioned again tonight), though it’s good to see others teaching and perceiving similarly to what i have known or understood.. it helps to clarify what i’ve experienced into words i can share with others and to know i’m guiding them in a helpful manner [to know that the experience or understanding was real/spiritual and i’m not just imagining it or sharing misinformation… though what can actually be defined as real is a topic for another discussion/ramble]. [there was another insight i wanted to explore, related to the inner lokas, flowering heart path, and source within, compared/related to the planes of existence surrounding us in the external world, though will need to do that at another time as i’m getting tired and sleep would be good before waking for the course in the morning.]

some shorter thoughts/insights:

we are all one. it’s all a matter of our perception whether we see this or not. we can understand this with the mind first, though it’s not until we actually live it, through the experience of it, that we will truly understand.

let go of all that no longer serves you, at whatever level or place it exists. these attachments or resistances are what are holding us back from fully experiencing this (or any) reality.

it may be difficult to imagine what one might be missing through one’s own misperception, though once one knows, one will wonder how one could have possibly lived without knowing (yet the past won’t matter any longer, nor will the future, for the present moment itself will be profound and beautiful).

this world is only as real as we make it to be. only when we learn to break free of ‘the matrix’ can we really understand.

we only perceive the world through our own understanding of it. to perceive more clearly, we must unlearn and let go, rather than seek to gain some new insight or understanding.

the greatest gift one can give to the world is one’s own inner transformation.

[this may seem a bit selfish at first, until one realizes what this truly means and how this experience of life/reality works]

while it’s beautiful to see new human achievements and the unfolding of technology, remember what truly matters in life are heartfelt experiences and connections with others + the planet.

here are some more thoughts coming to me recently. i was going to save these for instagram captions as well, but am first trying to figure out a way to clear out my old posts on there without doing them one at a time or relying on a third-party app or deleting the whole account.. i may just end up keeping most of the images on there for now, though as it still might be a while before i actually post and more writing keeps coming, am sharing these below…like what i posted a little over a week ago, these are also unedited:

remember to take a break, relax, and always be present. doing so you can hear, see, and feel the presence of the divine anywhere and everywhere. this especially important when caught in the midst of all the seemingly endless distractions of the modern world.

learn to see god in everyone and everything

creativity is simple. it’s actually a form of meditation in a sense. all one must do is relax and be still and listen. the words or ideas arise out of the silence. if you’re unable to relax or quiet the mind, then begin by feeling whatever may be there (and, if necessary, learn how to dive into the unconscious emotions and blocks and experience those). once whatever blocks are felt and healed you’ll find peace and bliss and from this place, can hear and feel the inspiration.

the choice not to suffer is yours: either choose to change some aspect of your life, or choose to feel whatever it is you may be resisting internally.

it seems, these days, that so many people are obsessed with the character they are playing in life. as one learns to let go of identification with this character and simply watch the movie we call life, one will discover a great sense of peace (and will be able to see that neither the character nor the movie are real).

one thing i like about meeting someone new is learning about their experience of life and their perception of the world, and being able to understand the world through their perspectives. in being able to see and feel the world through another’s eyes we gain a greater sense of awareness. the more viewpoints we can accept and appreciate, the more whole we become. in a sense, this is the path of surrender. rather than looking at what you can gain in a relationship or friendship, look at what aspects of yourself will you no longer need to assert through greater clarity and an opened heart.

rather than looking for what else you can do or get today, ask yourself, what else can i let go of? can i find a deeper sense of peace simply being where i am?

ask yourself each day, what aspect of my self do i no longer need that i can now let go of?

pick one of the things, aspects, or experiences in life you think you need, and see how long you can live without it. after letting it go for a while, pick another aspect of your life that you think is important and let that go. the more of these must-haves and self-defining aspects that you can truly surrender, the greater sense of peace you will discover.

go to nature and see how effortlessly everything exists together. you too can live simply, without the suffering caused by the desires and attachments of the ego/mind.

always remember, everything is in perfect divine order as it is. learn to see the divine beauty in everyone and everything, and you will discover how much of a miracle the whole experience of life is.

sometimes a quiet drive through the country (or local rural parts) is all one needs to feel better. the lower density and more natural surroundings alone are healing.

always remember that there is nothing outside of you. all of physical reality, any alternate dimensions or realities or universes, the angels, dreams, thoughts, spirit beings, ancestors, other people, the mind, the adversary, everything that exists and that is manifest in some way, whether seen or unseen, is all a part of the unmanifest source that you truly are.

see God in everyone and everything

you are everyone and everything

you are the universe, and the universe is in you

it seems that so much of social media is tied to identity. in one sense it’s interesting to look at, as one is effectively creating one’s online identity through the virtual online world (which is a metaphor for how we create our own lives in the physical world/reality). however it’s also quite problematic when one gets too attached to their identity (both the ‘real’ one and the one they created for themselves) or when others see one solely through an identity that’s not even real. i recall many years ago seeing how others wouldn’t understand me.. i see how this is tied to what i’m describing here in identity. others are unable to understand another because they are perceiving through the limitations of the mind which is remembering and identifying another by what it thought happened in the past (or by what it thought just happened in the present moment through its limited filters of perception), rather than feeling who the person really is (and what is being expressed in the moment) from the heart.

sometimes we need to learn to be patient and surrender with the physical world, for its reality unfolds much slower than what one can envision.

a good example is in the world of technology.. there have been so many things that i’ve seen as the next logical evolutionary step in existing technology that i gave up on finding or almost forgot about, as they’ve taken several years before being developed and made readily available.

[and from a higher perspective, everything in the physical world is merely an illusion and part of this game of life we’re playing, and really isn’t all that important that we need to become attached to it. learn to play in and enjoy/embrace the magnificence of life that is already here and now]

…i had some more insights but they escaped me.. they came to me as i was waking up though the body wasn’t quite awake. it’s a dilemma i’ve experienced many a times.. the inspirational message would come to me but i or the body is not fully awake yet and in order to keep tuning into the message i need to stay with the message, and if i come back to the body and get out of bed and to the computer (which is only a couple feet away now), by the time i type in my password and get to somewhere i can type (if i’m not distracted by whatever was previously on the screen), the message is lost. it’s really lost just by the time i get fully back to the physical world.. as it seems it doesn’t exist fully, or there’s too much distraction, whether it be noise or stuff on the screen or clutter in the room or whatnot. i feel this is also related to my photography.. where i’ve had the desire to capture some brilliant moments or experiences of being somewhere but the act of getting the camera out affects the moment, or it’s just not the same if i quickly snap a photo and look at it later.. perhaps its the time it takes to really create a great image affecting the experience. or even in just the time to stop the car and get out and compose a good image, the moment is lost, or there’s something else i’m feeling.. i think its just that i wouldn’t ever get anywhere if i were to stop every single time there was a beautiful moment. and sometimes there aren’t places to easily stop if its a narrow road or if others are on the road. this is what led me to the idea of time-lapses while driving or walking or biking or wherever i was.. to have a camera always capturing the world around me so i could go about exploring and experiencing and not be distracted by the act of photographing the experience. anyhow, i digress.. it’s interesting to see all the rambling unfolding this morning. i didn’t plan on this but just sat down to try to type the words that are now lost, thinking perhaps they will come to me, and they tend to come back to some degree.. i just have to let go and forget about it all. in this act of surrender and not caring whether i remember them or not, they or something else, related, perhaps even better, can flow through. and if it doesn’t, it won’t really matter as i’m no longer attached to the need or desire for them to flow through.. and from this place, likely they will come again if they were important or unresolved or whatnot. and if the don’t come back because they were resolved, then at a higher level the work is already done, and the lesser need to share it is unimportant. perhaps at times the most brilliant insights and experiences are left for one alone to experience. it is nice to be able to share them and create some sort of writing or art or whatnot to lend this insightful experience to others, though it’s not always necessary. everyone will find their own way at some point. yes the external representations and insights can help point the way, though there is no need to be attached to the need to create these. if they are meant to be created, they will be created. and there are also others whom probably can share somewhat similar viewpoints.. while they may not be the same as they won’t have the underlying basis of all the experiences and viewpoints one may have, they will lend other helpful perspectives. this is why so many of us are here right now, to lend these perspectives of this experience of life, of awakening, of being from a new place to so many. sometimes the simply being present and following one’s heart is all one needs. often, actually, or always. there is not much else to really do or think one must do. follow your heart and you’ll discover and experience all you need. it doesn’t really matter what it looks like either. there comes a time to let go of chasing after all the external teachings, reflections, manifestations, and representations. for they get in the way of listening to the true message that is coming from within. all that the external messages really do is remind you to look internally. if one were to study and look at all of these messages, one would see this common ground. while it may be interesting to do so, it’s not necessary (and can get in the way of actually experiencing). just look within. that’s all we’ve been saying. that’s all we’ve been pointing to. the experience is greater than the thought. the beingness is greater than the doingness. peace is greater than anything else. simply be. be peace. be love. be you. be one. be all. be.

[funny to read back over this and see how this reminds me of writings that would flow through me many years ago.. funny to think how perhaps then i was on this journey or at this place, without even knowing it.. it was always there, it just simply had to be recognized and more deeply realized]

happy earth day! 🌎

have a look today at what you can do to help mother earth. as we sit and look at all areas of our life and realize how and where we can improve our habits, we’ll see there really is so much we can do in many aspects of life to help reduce waste and consumption. every little bit counts and helps.. even by just becoming a little more conscious of what’s involved in making the products you purchase will help you choose alternatives that are more environmentally friendly. taking care of our planet is one of the most important things we can collectively do. we have a lot to be grateful for.. our planet is our home and provides everything we need for this experience we call life. reducing our consumption and avoiding purchasing things that are destructive to the planet is a way of saying thanks to mother earth for all she provides. i’m grateful to see that many more people are becoming more conscious of what humanity has done to the planet. the more of us that become aware and change our habits, the quicker we’ll help the planet heal and the quicker we’ll prevent any further destruction caused by man.

i recently purchased an electric car and am grateful to never have to go to a gas station again. besides stopping support of the oil and fossil fuel industries, this also allows me to go on more adventures exploring various parts of the area here and not feel bad that i’m wasting gas or furthering pollution. today i went on a zero emissions adventure driving to some areas i hadn’t been to in a while and some that i haven’t ever been to. it’s nice to see what little things we can discover along the way just by taking a new route that may be not too far from where we normally go. one of the great financial benefits to an electric vehicle is that its practically free to drive more. there’s practically no maintenance required and electric motors are way more efficient than internal combustion engines. the car i got has done great on efficiency. i drove slow and conservatively on my driving adventures today and yesterday, and averaged right about 6 miles per kilowatt-hour [i was a bit surprised as about 1/4 of today’s journey included some time on the highway at 50mph, with around 1/3 of the trip at 45mph and the rest was slower local driving]. 6 mi/kWh is just over 200 MPGe (which is not the best unit of measurement for an EV but helpful in understanding an equivalent in terms people are used to). my overall average since i got the car earlier this month has been 5.5 mi/kWh and i’ve driven just under 760 miles so far (which is more than i typically would drive in the short time i’ve had it, though i’m making up for not having driven much at all earlier this year before + after selling my van). 5.5 mi/kWh is around 185 MPGe.. that’s pretty good for a car that’s rated for a combined 112 MPGe! anyhow, i’ve started to get a bit lost in the numbers and data.. looking at what this actually means, with electricity costing $0.11 per kWh, is 2 cents per mile! (a small fraction of what it’d cost per mile in the van i had or in any gas vehicle) electric vehicles are the future for many reasons. if you are in need of a vehicle, i’d highly recommend getting one that’s electric. pre-owned EV’s, especially low range ones with small battery packs, have some really great prices compared to new ones, and, as i’m seeing, with conservative driving habits one is able to get over 100 miles on a charge. another great thing about a small car is that the turning radius is quite tight.. on most 2 lane roads i’d be able to turn around with a 2 point turn rather than a 3 point turn. (and the car is small enough that i’d be able to carry it inside a tiny home if i built one with an open space in the back)

anyhow, i got a bit lost in the technical details there. there are a lot of other things one can do to change one’s habits too.. if you live in a city or somewhere that you can bicycle, commuting on a bike would be better than driving (even if just some time). reducing or eliminating consumption of meat and animal products would be a great help to the environment. recycling, composting, not purchasing products with wasteful packaging, not purchasing disposable products, etc would all be a great help too. becoming a minimalist in some, many, or all areas of life would be a great help. keeping digital records and not printing emails, receipts, etc would be a great help. not running the air conditioning or heat as much would be a great help. there are so many little things we can do and alternative methods we can use in our everyday life that all add up to make a huge impact on the environment. even if we each just make one simple change every day, week, or month it would make a difference.

some weeks ago i got a cut or something that wasn’t healing on my pinky finger. sometimes it would start to look better but sometimes it’d get worse or just stay the same. my finger had been better the last few days after going back to using a little miracle gel once or twice a day, though yesterday morning it seemed more swollen / inflamed (and i was previously thinking i’d use the ointment i had been prescribed earlier in the year last night if it wasn’t making progress, and also as a little bit of the rash / allergic reaction seemed to have gone to a couple other fingers in recent days). as it looked worse, i put on the prescription ointment in the morning and evening. i felt it was helping a bit but still not sure as it hadn’t made enormous or miraculous progress.

last night i watched the open-eye light meditation + satsang that michael and suzanne at the flowering heart center stream/webcast. during blessings before the eye meditation, michael mentioned there being no disease the divine can’t take care of. i think he also spoke about sharing miracles one experiences and other things that resonated with where i was at or my experiences. the day before, at the communion with cosmic christ, he spoke about god giving much grace/healing but one needing to be open to receive, and something about being open to medical help rather than just miraculous healing.

i took a shower after the webcast and then watched most of the recording again (as when i watched it live, i was also working on something at the same time). this time while watching it, i also held the big toe on my opposite foot (as my friend francine had suggested, i think a part of jin shin jyutsu healing). afterwards, as i was about to go to sleep, i put on some solfeggio tones to play overnight as i had been doing, and also played the recording of charles’s sacred sanctuary from this past friday evening. i laid in bed and started doing the breathing to the guided meditation. i think i fell asleep a bit into it or was in and out of being awake, but remember feeling my hand sort of move on its own (similar in a sense to when i had done entity removal work at the avatar wizard course i had attended a number of years back, but my whole hand moved this time). it felt like something, the darkness or entity, had been lifted or removed from my finger. i felt like i was healed and the pain in my finger was gone or had lessened, and i was able to move it more than when it was swollen. i don’t remember at what point in the sacred sanctuary this was, or even if it was afterwards as i don’t recall hearing any more of it (though i may have been in and out of consciousness again).

i was grateful and glad to know i’m being healed and the divine is taking care of me. (i was recently thinking of completely giving up on spirituality (and have had thoughts if i should leave the planet if some things in my life didn’t improve), as i’ve been asking the divine to heal me (and help me in other aspects of life), but still dealing with this for weeks or months now, and sometimes it would look like it was getting better but then it’d get worse or not fully heal)

afterwards i didn’t sleep that well, taking a while to fall back asleep, thinking that i should remember to write this but not feeling like getting out of bed (so i’m writing this now in the morning). when i did fall asleep i had a number of dreams that i woke up out of (which i can’t remember the last time i had dreamed), and felt that in the dreams i could be processing/releasing emotions or things that might be hindering me. [as an aside, regarding waking up in dreams, it’s interesting that once i wake up, i don’t really want to go back as i know its just a dream (so i lay there in bed instead, waiting to fall asleep again).. and i sometimes wonder how this also might apply to fully awakening in this dream we call life and if i’ll want to just leave, which i seemed to have experienced a bit during a powerful exercise the first time i did the avatar course.. but i have always stayed here during other powerful transformational/awakening experiences since then]

anyhow, i won’t ramble on too much longer. i’m grateful for my healing. my finger still is a little swollen this morning, but i know it’s all going to be okay and i’ll be fully healed soon. i’ve also seen other signs/blessings that everything is working out in divine order. though at times its been difficult to do, i trust that the divine is taking care of me. thank you god and thank you everyone whom has held me in prayer and helped in any way.

it was great to be able to attend the Amma program in chicagoland this year. i didn’t make it last year, and don’t recall if i made it the year before. it’s beautiful to see everything she and her NGO, Embracing the World, have done to help others. and it’s amazing to see how long she sits giving hugs to everyone. the energy is great and its nice how many chants, pujas, food, meditations, speeches, etc there are during the program.

one of the most amazing aspects of the program is the energy flowing through that everyone is feeling. consciousness moves quickly when in the presence of higher energy, or a being at such a place. i could see aspects of myself being reflected in others i saw or interacted with throughout the program. for example, the first day i was feeling a bit disconnected (or sitting in a charge or feeling), and i saw how most of my friends that i hadn’t seen in a while seemed to have to leave or were busy with something or other, and we weren’t really able to connect or chat that much. some things i noticed were more subtle, just how others moved or their subtle expressions, and i noticed how these were aligned with what i was feeling and experiencing at the time. i know that i’ve certainly felt that i could naturally be a mirror for others to see what they’re facing without even trying.. perhaps its just that i’m naturally feeling what they’re feeling/facing and that’s whats flowing through me (to give them a chance to see it in a new way so they can let it go). in the great energy and presence at the Amma program, it seemed like so many must’ve been in tune with feeling what each other were feeling that i was seeing this happening in them too (or perhaps they didn’t even know they were feeling/reflecting it and it was just the divine showing it to me through them). i know i’ve seen this happen through others in the past too.. perhaps a part of it was also that i was more in tune with what others were feeling that i was able to see the subtle aspects more clearly as well. i won’t get lost in exploring exactly what was happening, though it was nice to be able to experience it happening, despite sometimes it not being as pleasant, such as when i felt i wasn’t connecting with others.

it was nice to see friends from the flowering heart center and spiritual communities up here that i hadn’t seen since last year. i look forward to seeing some of them at the weekly gatherings when i’m here. its nice to attend different events and see familiar faces, and be able to connect a bit.

its also nice to make new connections. its funny to see how what i was feeling was affecting my ability to make new connections as well. i had some resistance or something that was preventing me from just saying hi and connecting with others. another thing i noticed is that how when surrendering and not being attached to outcome, such as wanting to have a nice conversation, things can just flow naturally and effortlessly and will happen when you don’t expect them to. on the second day i volunteered to do seva work to clean up after a puja. i didn’t think too much about how the puja would be.. after the clean up i went for a walk and sat under a tree for a little while. everything just felt more peaceful. my mind is usually quiet though there may be some underlying feeling still there. after the puja, that underlying feeling wasn’t there and everything just felt a little more relaxed and quiet. after sitting for a while, i walked into the main hall to get a seat before the evening program would begin. i didn’t think too much about where i’d sit or when i should go in or anything. i just went in when i felt was the time to get up and walk over there. i was directed by those helping with seating and the seat i was directed to was right in the very middle of the room, in the front row of one of the middle sections, so i had a clear view of where Amma would be in the front of the hall. it seemed this was the last seat left in this row as others had left something on the ones to my right and a few others were sitting to my left. a while later, just before the program was about to begin, i saw a girl (that i had stood right behind in the lunch line) walking down the aisle and i think we smiled a little at each other. (when i noticed her in the lunch line ealier that day, perhaps i had a thought that it’d be nice to connect with her.. i don’t recall for sure) she sat next to me and i wondered what to say. a few moments later i asked if she had seen Amma before. i learned that she had just spent a year at Amma’s ashram in India and was just back to get a new visa so she could spend a couple more years over there taking classes. she seemed pretty blissed out from the whole experience as a new devotee. i recall her saying that when she went to the ashram that Amma got her. we chatted briefly before the program started. she was nice and i wanted to connect more after the meditation was over. i was a bit distracted during Amma’s speech as the mind thought about it. after the meditation i didn’t want to say something right away in case she was still embracing the energy for a while. i thought i’d wait a little bit, but then she checked a voicemail or something on her phone after a few moments and left. i don’t recall if i saw her the rest of the evening or the next morning. the next evening i noticed her and ended up walking past her near the end of the program and waved as i went to get a chai tea. after i got the tea and was drinking it in the sitting area at the back, i noticed she was sitting at another table right by me. a little while after trying to see if there were extra chairs by her, i got up and sat by her and we chatted for a couple minutes. it was nice to learn that she found out about Amma from someone she was working for and she just went over to ashram and ended up staying. its funny how things simply flow when we’re more in tune. i’m not sure that she expected to stay at the ashram, though things unfolded for her to go there and she ended up staying.. similar to how i ended chatting with her the second time. she happened to go to the back of the room at the same time i did (perhaps she wanted to connect more and just went there to see if i’d see her and sit by her, or she simply was hungry at the same time.. either way, it all seemed to be in divine order, and from a place of higher awareness, it becomes more clear how everything is truly connected).

i noticed a lot of little things happening like this, where things just flowed and unfolded on their own. it was also great to notice when things didn’t flow so well, which was usually when the mind was thinking too much about something, such as during devi bhava when i was focused on holding the blessed water we received the whole time (as i didn’t want to set it down on the floor or drop it). it felt like a relief when i was able to bring it to my van and pour it into a bottle, as i knew i had gotten the blessed water and could continue to make more by simply adding more water to the bottle. at one point during the speech or meditation i sensed that the envelope i had placed the closed water cup into seemed to be wet.. with all my concern over it, i must’ve squeezed it too hard and some leaked out (gratefully there was still some inside that i poured into my Amma water bottle). its funny how much we hang on to and wait for, and how much of our attention or energy it can consume. yes, it was great to get the water, though trying to hold on to or have the mind control the little cup made me less present than i could’ve been had i just relaxed and trusted that i wasn’t going to drop the water cup and it’d be okay. so many little things like this can easily consume us and take us away from the present moment (such as concentrating on the water up made me focused on wanting to take it to my van right afterwards, and i had also had thoughts about chatting with the girl whom sat down next to me afterwards, though the little cup was becoming such a burden). i think Amma mentioned something similar in one of her speeches.

after dropping off the water i bought one of the ezekiel sprout wraps to keep in my van to eat after the program was over. perhaps i was radiating light or just feeling good and didn’t even realize it as the girl who was at the wrap table seemed to respond like i was when we interacted. or possibly she was just feeling great from the meditation or liked me or was simply shining her light to inspire me to do the same. afterwards i thought it would’ve been nice to chat a little more with her, though when i walked by the table later in the evening she wasn’t there. it’s funny how things can shift so fast when we’re in the flow. i suppose she was only meant to be there for that one moment, and me looking to sustain or re-create that moment didn’t work. only when i didn’t expect that interaction or nice moment did it occur. it’s interesting living from the heart, a place of feeling, or from higher awareness. it’s always given me the greatest or most profound experiences compared to when i’ve lived from the mind. even though the mind is quiet, its nice to step out of it every once in a while (or all the time!). i suppose my biggest challenge in living from the heart has been learning to surrender and trust that everything is going to continue to flow. from the place of the mind, we have the illusion that we’re in control and taking the right steps to go in the direction we want to go, however it’s nowhere near as profound as living in the moment and watching everything unfold on its own. i can see in a sense how this ties into some of what Amma mentioned about negativity. the mind can be quite negative and a reason one might want to live from the mind and try to control things would be one has had previous experiences that didn’t work out that one is trying to avoid. this really is fear.. in fact, or at least most likely, all living from the mind is living a fear-based reality. when life flows from a spontaneous place of higher awareness or feeling, its so much more fun. some of my most enjoyable moments have been out of spontaneity and following my feelings.

i can see how this ties into what happened next.. a moment that wasn’t exactly as i had expected. after putting the wrap in my fridge, i went to the dining hall to get dinner. there was a bit of a line and most of the tables were full. i went to one of the last tables by the door and asked the person sitting at the end if anyone was sitting in the empty seats there. i sat a couple seats in, right across from a girl who was sitting by herself. i thought to myself perhaps i could chat with her as i was feeling good about the little connection i made buying the wrap, though i was feeling resistance as to what to say. she wasn’t making direct eye contact so i just began to eat my meal. i thought that if she made eye contact i’d say something. i continued to eat while trying to glance every so often to see if she was looking at me. the resistance and whole thought process made it feel a little awkward though i tried not to think too much about it and just went about eating my meal. after a couple or few minutes, i saw a guy walk into the dining hall and approach the table. she had her back to the door though i immediately sensed that he was with her. i wonder if perhaps i was feeling awkward or not knowing what to say because i wasn’t meant to chat with her. it was a bit more awkward after that as i just continued to eat and try not to look directly at them (though made a little eye contact wih them). i was wondering what they felt, if he thought i was trying to pick up his girlfriend. i had thoughts that i made a mistake, as i didn’t know she was with him, and also thought i was just trying to practice connecting with others and breaking free of my resistance of connecting with others. at the end, they both spoke to me, wishing me a good evening and i said thanks, you too. it felt like this was also a divine appointment and a learning experience. the whole situation arose out of the desire of the mind rather than the spontaneous action that the previous experience arose from. [or perhaps it still was a bit of spontaneous action as it did unfold for it to happen.. perhaps even part of it was something they needed to experience and i was also being the conduit/reflection for their experience to unfold. it’s funny how many layers/aspects/perspectives there are to something] as with the previous girl, i didn’t see them again in the evening. nor did i see the girl who sat next to me during the peace meditation whom i only spoke briefly with, asking if it was her first time there when it seemed she was unfamiliar with the blessed water.

a little later in the evening i was sitting in the main hall and felt i’d go for a walk to see if i’d see anyone i knew to connect with. i walked toward the back of the hall and didn’t see anyone so was going to walk outside. as i approached the doors i noticed a friend i had met years ago at the avatar course talking to someone and then stopped and looked at her (as she had also looked at me in surprise). it was a bit of a surprise but not super shocking either, as everything just seems to flow in perfect order and make sense, and there really is nothing extremely surprising, depending on our viewpoint. i walked toward her and we chatted for a bit. its funny as when she asked what i was doing or up to, i said looking for friends to chat with and then i saw her. i went with her to the dining hall as she was about to get a bite to eat. it was funny as i didn’t know she followed Amma and hadn’t seen her in over 6 years since the last Avatar Course i went to. she had just started as part of the staff this year and was on the tour with Amma. we weren’t able to chat too long as she had to get back to her shift, though it was awesome to see her there unexpectedly. its amazing what can unfold when we don’t expect it and just experience life. i mentioned the ideas i’ve had for a sustainable spiritual community and learned that she’s also interested in creating a spiritual community, over in Boulder. it’d be awesome to have a community over there to visit or stay at part of the year. a long time ago i envisioned different communities or centers and traveling to/between them, and its beautiful to see the pieces starting to come together. (it’s also nice to see these unfolding on their own, rather than me having to create everything myself like i do with other projects, though thats a whole other tangent) i’ve been thinking more seriously of getting a tiny home or travel trailer to go back and forth between florida and chicagoland, and possibly go out west at some point, and a community in colorado would also be awesome and another reason to have a tiny home. i just have to trust that i’ll find land in florida and a place in chicagoland i can park, and it’ll all unfold. after the program had ended, i wanted to say goodbye to my friend before she left, though didn’t see her in the hall. i went to the van for a little while and then walked over toward the hall and decided to walk up the path toward the other part of the ashram/campus. after walking for a little bit, i noticed that my friend was just right ahead of me. i don’t even know where she appeared from. i suppose i wasn’t fully paying attention or whatnot (which seems to be a good way to allow things to happen as by not knowing what might happen, one allows more room/space for things to unfold rather than being locked into any one particular aspect of one’s reality). i walked up ahead and waved and she introduced me to a friend of hers who was also from avatar. it’s funny as she said they/we were dropouts as none of us have gone back recently. as we got a couple hundred feet up the path, my friend had to get on the bus to go to the next city of the tour. it was a bit of a miracle how it unfolded that i just happened to walk right up to her without knowing if i would or not. i had previously wanted to say/hug goodbye, though was also thinking i’d just walk and see if i saw any of my friends to say bye to, and the timing was perfect for me to see her.

i love that the Amma program has a lot happening, though one can just hang out or wander about the space and allow life to unfold the lessons and awareness. it reminds me a bit of the Avatar Courses in this sense, as it was a pretty relaxed atmosphere with everyone experiencing at their own pace most of the time. i think that’s one of the most profound aspects of spending time at the ashram during the program. there is a bit of a schedule as to the time of the speeches/meditation/etc, though there is plenty of time during the darshan to hang out and have one’s own experience as well. it’s like a playground to experience and learn in the space of higher awareness / presence. [upon re-reading this last line, that sounds like a great vision for the spiritual/sustainable community i’ve longed to create]

my experience with the darshan itself was interesting.. the first day i didn’t get there until mid-afternoon and got a late token. a little later, i noticed that i must’ve dropped the token when i pulled out my key from my pocket (or perhaps i lost it when i went to ask the volunteer running the line when that token would come up as it had a double letter after the initial letter). i went back to the token table and asked if i could have another, saying i lost it and had checked by/in my van where i thought it might be. the girl who had given me the token said she’s not supposed to and to look again. i asked what if i can’t find it, and she said just to go look (seeming to indicate we’ll figure that out at that point). i went looking in/near my van again and asked those near the token line entrance (and looked there), and couldn’t find it. afterward, i went back to the girl at the token table and said i couldn’t find it and she handed me a new token, saying it was much later. i thanked her and don’t recall what i went to do afterwards. i had to wait a while, but it didn’t end up being that much more time for the new token to go up after the original one. when i was up on the stage and received darshan, i wasn’t sure if i had felt anything and went to sit down in the other rows on the stage after darshan. i also wasn’t able to understand what Amma was saying when giving darshan. it seemed to be different than i had recalled her saying in the past. as i moved up closer, watching others receiving darshan, i still wasn’t feeling anything. after a while, almost near the end of when i was up on stage, i felt i could invoke the divine and let it flow/radiate it through me, like i do when giving blessings. after i did so, i started to feel a nice warm feeling emanating on the stage. perhaps this was simply a reminder to remember that i can tune into the divine whenever i feel the need or calling.

on the morning of the second day, i went to the token table when i got in and asked if we could receive darshan again if we had received the day before. they said to check during the evening program after the meditation. that night i went to the token line after the meditation and got another token. i think i may have misunderstood or mis-heard the question they were asking about whether i had received darshan before, and wasn’t sure if they were referring to that program or that day or earlier in the summer or something (i don’t recall at this point what it was).. perhaps i wasn’t supposed to get a token that evening though they had seemed to indicate in the morning that i could. i wasn’t too attached to whether or not i’d actually receive darshan that evening as i had received the night before and would the next evening for devi bhava. i figured if i was supposed to, the divine would guide me to and i would stay up and receive it. shortly after, i went to my van to lay down as i was tired and ended up falling asleep for a couple hours. i woke up and saw how much time had passed and went into the main hall. they had the sign up saying for everyone with a token to go to the line. looks like i had woken up just in time to receive darshan. i ended up being one of the last in line to receive a hug that evening. when i received darshan, Amma said what i remembered her saying in the past years: “my darling, my darling”.

on the evening of devi bhava, i got in the room pretty early and got a middle token number. after i chatted with my friend briefly as she ate her dinner, i went back to the main hall and ran into someone asking if i could help volunteer with kitchen cleanup. after looking at the current token number, i said yes i could help for a little bit. a few of us started following a staff member out of the hall and i saw my friend i had just chatted with smile as she saw me going. i helped sweep the floors in the kitchen and was going to help mop but there were still a lot of people in there cleaning up. a bit of time had passed so i said i’d come back later (as i thought my token number might be up). when i got back to the hall, the token letter was on what i had and was one number ahead of my group. i got in line and received darshan. when i was sitting in the row of chairs on the stage waiting to receive darshan, i had the thought/intention of healing and perhaps something else as part of receiving darshan. when i got up to Amma, the helpers told me to put my hands down on the side of the chair as they guided me to kneel down and told me to lean forward as i closed my eyes. in that moment, the thought/intention “i am peace” came to me.

it was interesting that it came to me at that moment, as that sometimes regularly comes to me during blessing circles and at other times around others. i also recall that when receiving a mantra from Amma a few years ago, they asked for a word of how i describe the divine or my connection to it, and i said peace, and they/Amma gave me a mantra related to that. i also recall that same time, i think it was one of the evenings the first time i saw Amma in 2013, that i felt to be in a more peaceful state or higher level of consciousness, and i had the intention for my level of consciousness to be at a minimum of 600, the level of peace on Dr David R Hawkins’ map of consciousness. perhaps since that time (or earlier) i have been vibrating at that frequency.

when i was receiving darshan, Amma said something to someone else up there in her language. i heard another voice say something like “he’s pretending to be asleep”. i don’t recall if that voice said why or anything else after those words. either before or after that, i also heard another voice, perhaps the same one though perhaps a different one, saying or asking something about doing the mantra. and i may have heard that voice say something about not needing to do the mantra (or perhaps that was my own thought). its possible Amma was talking to someone else on stage about something else, as i’ve seen her do, though its also quite possible that this whole thing was about me. or, even if it was about someone else, that i happened to hear it at the time i was there was certainly a message for me. afterward the rest of the darshan was similar to previous ones with her saying “my darling, my darling” and embracing me and then in the middle re-positioning me or my head as she embraced me. afterwards, when i leaned back upright, i put my hands together in front of my chest/heart as a sign of “namaste” or “om namah shivaya”.

an interesting aspect i just recalled is that the guy who did the second puja (that i volunteered at earlier that afternoon) had told a story that he would regularly go to Amma to receive darshan/blessing every time before he would do the puja, and once he went twice the same day as he had two pujas that day. Amma then told him that he already has the blessing and doesn’t need to go every time he does the puja. he said that afterwards he would just sit in the audience and see Amma’s smile and know he has the blessing, and then do the puja. perhaps my experience was related to this.

it seems that Amma was sensing/feeling/seeing/knowing that i’m already awakened/liberated, and perhaps the pretending part of what i heard was related to me not fully living from an awakened place in order to be able to fit in with others, or to receive love from others, or to not have to fully partake in what an awakened being could do. i didn’t hear the rest of the message but those are the feelings that i had after i heard the first part. i wonder if the whole message even happened internally and i was just hearing it as if it had happened externally, though it may have been her actually saying it outloud in her language and someone translating it either for me or others there to hear (as seemed to be my experience in the physical reality).

i can see how the message could be quite relative to my experience and a bit of guidance for me. i can see how perhaps it was simply a reflection of my thoughts about the guy doing the puja and the experience he shared earlier that afternoon. though its likely that its a bit of both. its all related, and it can be quite crazy when we step into higher awareness to see how all the pieces of the puzzle of this reality/experience are unfolding perfectly. it seems that it is time for me to continue more deliberately on this spiritual path and to continue to shine and radiate my light more confidentally.. which is also interesting as parts of the speeches she told were related to negativity and the last evening she said something about negativity taking away confidence and such, and i’ve seen a lot of negativity (and opposing viewpoints) in the physical reality in recent times (and see how this has had an influence on me and my reality).

it’s time to deliberately choose to create the beautiful reality and world we want to create, regardless of what is showing up in the external world. we create the reflections of the external world from our internal knowing, and especially so as awakened or liberated beings. we can transcend this illusion should we choose to. its simply a matter of choosing a new direction if we don’t like the one we’re on. in recent times i’ve started to see more signs of our world starting to go in the right direction (despite there also being a lot of signs that we’re not). focus on what you want to see and don’t let others or the external world steer you astray. the more of us that choose to co-create a beautiful world, the sooner we will all see it unfold. in the meantime, enjoy all the strange ‘coincidences’ that unfold in this crazy dream/illusion called reality.

[it seems that a part of me stepping back in the spiritual direction i want and inspiring others is in sharing and writing my experiences. i had a couple friends i saw at the Amma program tell me that they enjoy reading what i write. it was a bit of effort to start to write this yesterday as i barely had any sleep as i stayed up all night for devi bhava and just napped for maybe an hour or two in the morning afterwards, though i’m glad to do so. i really do enjoy it when i feel inspired and the words flow through me. perhaps forcing myself to write can be a way of setting the intention that i do want to allow the flow to occur, and i’ll accept it if not everything i write is as good or perfect as everything else.. it’ll be more real that way as well]

[its funny, as i was finishing writing/editing this, someone just walked by across the atrium here playing some audio program talking about consciousness expanding.. and this is in a shared office building where my friend’s company was located. i recall last year there regularly being annoying loud bass music playing in the morning by people driving up and hanging out in their cars before going to work. today, this was the opposite of what i had expected to find here.. this is another sign that as we change so too does the world around us. at the Amma program i recall seeing someone wearing a shirt saying “be the change”…]

as humanity continues to collectively awaken and our hearts flower, we will see a new world unfold that is very different than the one in which we currently live. our reality will shift to one that is full of peace, love, and harmony. as we realize that all conflict originates in the mind and we become free from the mind, we will no longer feel the urge to live from any lower vibrations of consciousness. anything that was previously arising […]

here’s an exploration looking at what i really desire in a new home..

what i most desire is somewhere peaceful, sacred.

[it’s interesting to see how this exploration unfolded.. this morning i awoke excited with some ideas of visioning what i wanted in a home here in florida since i’ve been looking and looking and not finding anything totally ideal. i began writing about what/where i was looking for a home, and as i continued to elaborate on the details and what all it could have, it started to flow into a grander vision of what could be created for a community, a vision i’ve been meaning to re-visit, explore, and write for quite some time.. it’s funny how the divine can work like that and how one thing can lead to another unexpectedly, especially when following inspiration..]

(scroll down to the very long paragraph at the end for the community ideas)

to me this means natural, quiet, safe, away from disturbances of traffic, not near big power-lines with emf/emr pollution/radiation nor any other industrial/commercial source of pollution or noise, not near any areas of crime or parts of town that are run down or unpleasant to look at. it’d be nice if its somewhere not overly developed, or if its developed, its planned out nicely or kept up.

i’d like somewhere that is right by a nice trail (or small roads) to bike on, where i can bike to a local nature park or preserve without taking or crossing any major roads (or seeing any stores, gas stations, stoplights, etc). (this is why the lansbrook area is nice, as i can get to both the local park and john chesnut park without going on or to east lake road, and some of the trails/sidewalk to the local park are wider and have nice landscaping, where you don’t really see the homes, and the homes you do see are newer/nicely kept. both parks are also quite nice being right on the lake, and john chesnut itself being large enough to provide plenty of space for bicycling within it and exploring on a couple trails)

i’d like a good size lot for the privacy and space it offers. when i look out my windows or doors, i’d like to see nature and not other houses, streets, or signs of anything manmade. i’d like something without any deed restrictions nor hoa or any other special rules so i have as much flexibility to build and do what i want. (however, as above, i’d like it to be in a nice area where everyone keeps everything looking nice/clean but just doesn’t need the rules telling/limiting them what to do) i’d like to have plenty of room on my land for various projects, such as growing food, building a greenhouse, making a meditation garden, building a treehouse or lookout tower, etc. i’d like somewhere where i can first start off parking a tiny home, large travel trailer, airstream, or other rv so i can live in that before i build my home to make sure i like the lot and area (and to have somewhere to stay in the interim). i’d likely still keep the rv/home somewhere on the land to be able to travel with up to the flowering heart center in illinois in the summer months (which hopefully the new center has a spot where i can park and have at least a couple hookups for water and electric, unless there’s enough of us in the community there that want to have community living space soon that we build residential options on-site or nearby).

i’d like my home and land to be very peaceful, natural, and enjoyable as i’d likely spend a lot of time there. daily i’d wander out for a bike ride on the beautiful local trails to the nearby park, or go for a drive to a local park. other than going to parks or nature preserves, i’d mostly just go out to the grocery or health food store, local spiritual communities, or on occasion some local restaurants with good vegetarian options. when i meet a nice, beautiful spiritual/conscious/awakened girl with a good/flowered heart who desires a committed relationship, i’d also often spend time going to visit (until we live together) or going out exploring with her. my home shouldn’t be far from health food stores nor from the flowering heart center in clearwater. my home need not be right by the water though it’d be nice to be close to the gulf, or at least a nice lake or wide open field, as i often like to go see the sunset regularly.

my home would be my own little private ashram, a sacred space where i can be present, relax, or work undisturbed.

the air will be very clean as i like to keep my windows open most of the year when temperatures permit. it will be quiet in the sense of sound, quality of air, etc on the physical plane, and it will also be quiet in the spiritual/mental/emotional planes where i wouldn’t feel any disturbances of lower consciousness anywhere on my land or in the surrounding area. my home will be a very peaceful place where it will be just me and the divine, and i can dissolve into the divine presence daily. everyone and everything nearby will feel and live from a deep sense of peace. it will be more of a mountain cabin or vacation home that one might seek, except it will be my primary residence during the cooler/moderate months in florida where i can easily live and enjoy a simple life. when i feel like going on adventure or interacting with the world, i’ll get in my van (or other exploration vehicle) and go for a ride, wandering as i feel called to. when i get tired of being on the road and just want to rest, i’ll come back home and relax and can feel very refreshed/renewed.

the home itself will be constructed of something very strong and resilient, such as a disaster-proof monolithic dome, so i can leave it for as long as i like and regardless of weather or anything, i know it will still be there safe when i return. it will be energy-efficient and have eco-friendly healthy materials. the styling will be modern, simple, clean, and elegant, either bright or rich in tone, and perhaps with wood or other natural materials in the inside. it’ll be constructed for longevity and to require little to no maintenance. it’d be nice to have off-grid capability in terms of rain collection and solar/wind power, with perhaps the water re-usage capabilities/treatment of an earthship. it’ll have a nice deck/balcony with portions enclosed by screen and portions open, both with magnificent views of trees and nature as far as one can see. it’d be nice to have a jacuzzi and/or sauna to relax in. my home will be a bit of a retreat center where i live simple, relaxed life for as long as i feel called to, between adventures, explorations, and gatherings with beautiful communities. all components will be made of quality, built with care and love, feel solid, and work very well without need for any repair nor maintenance visits.

if my acreage is quite large or huge, it need not necessarily be right by a park as it will essentially become its own park that i can make trails on to explore and bike around. the views from my home will be quite stunning as i see, feel, and sense that i am surrounded by nature. wherever i walk in the home, as i’m going to the kitchen, through the living room, sitting at my desk, lounging in a chair, etc, i will experience glimpses and sights of the natural beauty through the windows or glass doors, as i feel the fresh breeze lightly flowing through my home bringing in quiet natural sounds of birds, the air, water, etc.

the lighting, both inside and outside of my home, will be quite nice. there will be different options for mood, such as dim intimate lighting for romance or sacred space, dimmable lights that light the entire ceiling of the dome for a nice glow, candlelight throughout, more typical modern lights, including under cabinets, etc. there will be nice rope or christmas lighting (perhaps inside and outside), and torch and/or sidewalk lights outside (perhaps lighting various paths on the acreage to be able to wander in the meditation garden).

i will experience much financial abundance and easily be able to pay for the land and home (and continue to add new aspects later, such as the gardens and outdoor areas or structures), as well as easily purchase quality food, travel/adventure, health/wellness experiences, pay for taxes/utilities/ongoing expenses, etc, and be able to generously contribute to spiritual communities and causes that resonate with me. i’ll also be able to start intentional/spiritual community living centers.

some may see aspects of what i wrote above as unnecessary or a bit excessive.. while it’d be nice, i wouldn’t necessarily need dozens or hundreds of acres all for myself, and…

i’d be happy to have all of the above as part a spiritual retreat center or ashram, with a smaller home nearby on a quiet section of the land for myself. then i could spend quiet time in my home as i felt called to, and easily go for a short walk over to the common community areas where we’d have beautiful gardens and shared spaces to meditate and explore together. we’d have plenty of community events: dinners, gatherings, fires, crystal + tibetan bowls, performances, etc. the main community center/temple could be quite large to hold many people for bigger events and would be a nice gathering place for community members to sit quietly, meditate, or meet with friends. i see the main center being one large room in a white dome building. there’d also be smaller buildings, adjoining or nearby, with restrooms, classrooms, a community kitchen, meditative spaces, etc. community members would help with keeping everything neat and clean, growing/harvesting food, gathering/preparing supplies, cooking, gardening, maintaining, etc. we would all live and function as one, in harmony with each other, the space, and the divine. it will be a beautiful space with everyone living at high levels of consciousness and anyone who steps on the grounds or anywhere nearby will be awakened and have their hearts flower. the community will grow to have multiple locations throughout the country or world. i see myself traveling between the locations, at first between the flowering heart centers in florida and illinois as i do now, and then to wherever the centers may grow. my adventures will be the journey between the communities, stopping in nature and other beautiful places, and while at the community centers, i’ll have my own homes and feel at home surrounded by the community family. it will be an extraordinary experience and many beautiful souls will feel called to join, participate, and help elevate consciousness. the communities will experience much abundance in all aspects, and be able to be completely self-sustainable. no longer will any of us have to do anything we feel forced to do just to survive. the divine will provide effortlessly, and the communities can help be a model, inspirational centers, for others looking for alternative ways of life than what currently exists in most of the world. there’d be various living options, exploring sustainable and alternative ways of building, such as building with natural materials, earthships, monolithic domes, yurts, tiny homes, treehouses, etc. some homes would be closer together for those who desire the neighborly small town feel, and some further apart with more natural space between for those who prefer the most monk-like silence. there could also be larger buildings with suites/dormitory/hotel style living for anyone who prefers those, and there would be both temporary and permanent spaces for living. the community could be a retreat center where one could come and stay for a few moments, hours, days, weeks, months, years, or a lifetime. the daily activities and gatherings would be there for those who like or need a schedule or routine, though the atmosphere would be very relaxed and if one missed a class or activity, one could easily pick up where one left off whenever one returns. if anyone is in need of any guidance, spiritual or otherwise, there would always be someone there who could be present or help, though the divine presence itself would so abundant that there likely wouldn’t be the need to specifically hold space for whatever someone may be going through. one would heal simply by being there. there could be a dome room/building where solfeggio frequencies and other sacred sounds are continuously being played where one could sit or lie down in and heal or relax. in other spaces, community members could share various modalities, such as yoga, tai chi, kai chi do, qi gong, reiki, sound healing, oneness processes, exercises from the avatar course, etc, etc. besides cooking community dinners, some members could teach and share how to cook, prepare, and eat healthy vegetarian, raw, or plant-based foods, how to use essential oils, breathing techniques/meditations, and other wellness-related perspectives. there’d also be teaching and workshops of how to apply sustainable principles to create new communities. visiting or living at the center would be an incredible learning and growing experience.. it could almost become a resort or theme park for spiritual wellbeing (but without any consumeristic or detrimental aspects that may be found in those typical sort of facilities). it would be a place for very clean, pure, divine living.. a heaven manifested on earth. there could be group adventures on a regular basis, to take a bus out to a local beach, natural park, local festival/event, healthy restaurant, or to simply wander about public places and radiate blessings and joy to whomever is there. the spiritual retreat center could be like a small town with beautiful walkways, trails, and common areas between the various unique homes and community buildings. divine love and peace would be felt and seen all throughout and within. there could be spaces where community members would regularly exhibit their divinely inspired creative talents, art, writing, speaking, etc. in places that are cold for extended portions of the year, such as the midwest, the center would have indoor facilities to grow food throughout the year, and there could be long heated hallways or tunnels between buildings so one could access most, if not all, of the structures without needing to step out into the cold. in temperate but rainy places, such as parts of hawaii or somewhere else tropical, there could be covered walkways made of bamboo or other natural materials that are open and airy between the buildings. wherever the location is, there would be many beautiful tree-lined trails, walkways, and streets (though motorized vehicles, particularly ones that create noise or pollution, would be kept and driven outside most of the walkable or bikeable areas). the grounds of the center/ashram/town would span hundreds of acres or more, and be surrounded be undeveloped nature, farm, or preserve in a rural area (but not necessarily far from a town, city, or suburban area). as the community and presence grows, the energy emanating from the space would be felt throughout the entire region, causing other beautiful divine manifestations to unfold in their own unique ways nearby (which would help elevate consciousness and flower the heart of those not necessarily interested in a spiritual retreat center or any of the modalities or perspectives offered). there would be a number of unique, beautiful, and serene places to just hang out, sit, walk, or meditate throughout the grounds. there could be a nice observation deck or lookout tower where one could look out into the horizon over the trees, a beautiful pond or lake where one could go for a swim or canoe/kayak ride, and many places to see and experience the natural beauty of the sun setting and rising. there’d be dark open fields to gaze up at the star-filled sky at night. the gardens would be beautifully kept, a meditation just in walking through them, and could become a single reason some come to visit the grounds. there could be a labyrinth, rock gardens, meditation circles, and many places to get lost exploring (with perhaps even a garden/hedge maze for fun). on some parts of the grounds, there could be some subtle ethereal music playing as well as nice lighting and water features or fountains. as one awakens there will be many joys and much beauty to explore and discover, both natural and human-made. there could be large open house events where many come to the center for workshops or a visiting spiritual teacher. during these events, naturally some new visitors may decide to stay for a while, and there’d be plenty of rooms available for whomever feels called to. one may feel drawn or guided toward certain modalities, workshops, or activities offered, or one’s process may simply be to take in the energy, embrace nature, or relax in the community jacuzzi, sauna, or other amenities. whatever path one may be on, one will discover exactly what one needs. there could be a community library of donated books, or little libraries throughout where one might just happen upon the perfect book having the exact answer or question one needed next. if there are families and children residing on the grounds, the education will come from a higher level of awareness, teaching spiritual principles and how to live and interact in the body as a spirit/consciousness, rather than most typical education/memorizing currently taught in society that focuses on programming the mind. one wouldn’t be forced to learn anything, and learning would be more of a discovery process where one could explore and learn whatever anyone felt called to. naturally and organically, some would feel inspired to explore creative aspects of life, some would learn technology, some would learn sustainability, growing food, building, connection, spiritual or healing modalities, teaching, etc, etc. everything that is needed will be divinely inspired and unfold. the spiritual center community will be a place where miracles will unfold on a regular basis. one will feel lighter and more peaceful simply by stepping on the grounds. it will be a safe place where one can be vulnerable and truly embark upon one’s personal/spiritual growth process, whether it be by healing through a process in the loving presence of the divine and other community members, or by simply having a place to dissolve into the void and slip into samadhi to explore higher planes of existence. the boundaries of separation would dissolve and we would all live from our highest divine nature, letting our light shine forth to the world and universe.

a week ago yesterday i was experiencing a bit of frustration in the morning working on the van. i was almost done installing the water tank though had to get to one of the plugs that was behind some pieces of wood structure i had built around the tank. i was able to remove one of the panels and squeeze my hand in the very tight space to get the plug off though i was unable to get the plug back in. the wood pieces blocking the part were going to be hard to remove, and at first i thought maybe i was going to have to practically take apart everything i had built just to get to the one part. it looked like i could remove just a few of the pieces though the screws were stripped and i couldn’t get to them. i didn’t want to cut the wood or screws to get to them as debris could get inside the fresh water tank, rendering it useless and i’d then need to remove it entirely, meaning taking apart even more of what i had built in the van. i tried placing my friend’s saws-all tool in between the pieces of wood though it was too tight and the blade didn’t move — the whole van shook as the tool itself shook when i pulled the trigger. i was ready to give up on the whole van.. i didn’t want to take everything apart and if i couldn’t have water, then the van build really wasn’t going to work for me. i figured i had messed up or hadn’t had much luck on a lot of other things recently, and maybe this was just another one. the night before we did a powerful kirtan chant and we were asking for what no longer served us to be taken away. i was wondering if the van was one of them at this point, though really hoped it wasn’t. in building the van, there was much frustration along the way, something would always seem to not work out and it was taking far longer than anticipated. previously, i had a lot of other frustration in other projects and not getting what i really wanted in life and i was ready to give up. i was asking the divine something like to either make things work out / make my life enjoyable or to take me off the planet. i was done with suffering and doing endless work that brought me no enjoyable nor fulfillment. i just wanted to be able to enjoy a simple life experience here on earth. a little bit later, i think after i sat for a while and began to accept where i was at, the idea came to me to try to take off the whole wood structure from the other side where it was attached. i didn’t want to take it off from there as it also was difficult to reach and some of those screws were also stripped and i didn’t know if it’d go back in due to the way it was installed. i ended up taking that apart and was able to bend the whole wood frame enough so i could reach the place where i needed to install the plug back in and tighten it. i wasn’t sure if was tight enough as i wasn’t the resistance i expected to (and i didn’t want to keep turning it too much that it’d break the plastic threads), though when i filled it up it didn’t leak. i was able to get the wood frame structure back in place and i now have water in the van.

this past sunday i had another miracle when my friend helped me cut a hole in the roof of the van so i could install a vent. he was either available in the morning or the evening and when we were going to work in the morning, there was a chance of rain forecast. shortly after we cut the hole, i noticed some very dark clouds not too far in the distance, and i still had to finish preparing the hole with a couple layers of touch up paint and then caulk after we cut and filed it. i trusted that the divine was going to work everything out, and was grateful when i felt the wind blowing in a direction that felt like it wouldn’t blow the dark clouds towards me. i was pretty calm and relaxed (probably partially because of going to the powerful workshop the day before), and i did what i had to do to touch up the paint without rushing it or skipping steps, and allowed the drying time it recommended. i was able to get it fully installed and never encountered the rain. i went to the arboretum a little later in the afternoon and got to see some really nice light there. i don’t think it rained that night nor the next day so the caulk had more than the full 24 hours to completely set. despite many frustrations i’ve had in the whole van build, i’m grateful to continue to move forward with it and look forward to the many adventures i’ll have with it.

it was a very calm moment. i felt like everything was okay. it was a little strange just having met someone from my hometown (a small town in new jersey) down here at the park near my home in florida. after he left i continued on shooting another time-lapse clip. that’s when it struck me how odd it was.. how odd to be meeting someone from the same small town way down here. i had never met anyone from there anywhere else. he had even gone to the same school i had gone to. we briefly chatted only for a few minutes or moments. time seemed irrelevant. i felt more fully present in the here and now. and everything felt calm all of a sudden. one might think perhaps it was the beautiful weather or the feeling from meeting the guy or from what i was working on in my photography.. though it felt deeper and more profound than all of that. it felt like i had ascended. just a bit. but from this higher place everything was peaceful and okay. it felt like the encounter was a divine meeting of sorts. it was funny, as at first when i felt him standing there looking at the camera, knowing he wanted to ask something about it, i only said a couple words. though on his way back a minute or two later we spoke much longer. [i can see how this was all part of the divine orchestration or lesson of what i might miss by being too caught up or focused on my own goals rather than allowing the divine to flow through me and take me where i’m going]

back to the feeling and feeling that i was at a higher level. it felt a little eerie like i remember feeling in a dream around nine years ago. in the dream i remember being in a really strange place and encountering a little girl (when no one else was around as everything was all run down). i think i asked where i was and she told me it was thought city, where people go to process their thoughts. at the time i was really stuck in the mind and anxiety. and thought i was actually stuck in that place when in that dream or alternate reality. here it felt really different. the opposite of being in the mind. really calm and peaceful. and from that place i knew everything was okay. i’m not sure why it reminded me of that dream. (perhaps i felt this calmness when in that dream, i don’t recall) i think it was the feeling that the meeting or place was so strange that it had to have been divinely orchestrated.

or it was the feeling that i knew i was here in this reality but i really existed at a higher level than it. i was in the world but not of it. i felt it and knew it. and it was okay. no matter how weird the world was, it didn’t matter. [it was like i was awake, lucid, in this dream we call reality/life on earth, and this life on earth almost felt like it was a temporary meeting place for those of us who are stuck or traveling through this plane of existence.. almost like i was in this heaven/hell “loka” that some see earth as]

maybe it was just the experience of realizing how subtly more present or relaxed i was. i need not try to figure it out but it’s fun to look back at this and see if i remember any of it in the future. or perhaps it’s insightful to someone. it doesn’t matter why. in feeling called to write, despite the inaccuracy of conveying feeling into words, i am doing so.

this is the life i want to live. where i just wander and explore and meet others in their own journey and it’s all perfectly orchestrated at a higher level. and i continue to ascend into higher levels of awareness while still embracing this experience on earth. i think part of this process had been about realizing how caught up i’ve gotten in things that don’t matter and trying to control or make things happen. rather than just enjoying and embracing the journey (and trusting it) and allowing it to be a meditation. i read a good article earlier about the tao or zen of photography and treating photography as a meditation rather than forcing it. it was a good reminder.. that’s when it really was more meaningful. in that ascended moment it felt like i had gone back to old ways in photography.. where it was more of play and not so serious. perhaps that with a brief reminder of childhood it allowed me to integrate some feelings and ascend to the presence.

it’s funny how the divine and universe work like that. i didn’t think about coming to the park when i did. i happened to at that time because that’s when i heard the noise from the lawn crew at my condo. and then i left and came to the spot i had thought of to do the shots i wanted to experiment with. as i was driving in the park i thought of another spot or two to explore though i ended up where i did. this is part of why my work has always had the element of experimentation and perspective and perception in it. it’s a subtle message for this higher reality we can all live from if we allow ourselves to.

i also had thought of an experience i had six years ago at the avatar course where it was really bright and i was doing a walking exercise/meditation that brought me into the present — during this experience, i was able to walk with the sun in my eyes and still see and feel fine without it bothering me at all. i was resisting the sun a little when i first got to the lake as it was really bright and i was thinking i needed sunglasses (which i’ve only worn like once in many months). when i was talking to the guy, i had my hand in the air blocking the sun as i was facing directly towards it. a little later when i felt calm and at peace, it no longer was an issue and i had forgotten about the sun bothering me (i may have not been facing directly towards it though i had integrated the overall brightness and i didn’t notice it like i did when i first got there).

it also seemed like time disappeared. i didn’t feel like i was in the park that long though the time had gone by quite quickly even though i had only taken a few short time-lapse clips. [as i’m editing this right now, i just realize it’s been an hour since i got home and it didn’t seem like that much time had passed. i guess time and space truly do disappear as we expand to higher levels of awareness.]

a thought i had ten years ago also came to me a little later: do whatever it takes to remove the burdens from your life. and most of these burdens are in your own perception.

i made it home so now i can type the rest of this on my computer rather than the phone…

another layer to all of this is that i was almost (again) at the point last night of totally quitting photography. i had an issue where a new camera i just got couldn’t perform the function that i had purchased it for. i won’t go into all the technical details though i found myself in the midst of deciding i would just return it and also return the lens i had just purchased. the divine had left me little ways out to get my money back. the lens had a little mark on it when i got it and the camera wasn’t properly doing the function i wanted so i thought i could just return them and be done. i was also having an issue with the infrared camera that had fallen in the pond a few weeks ago and was thinking i’d just sell that or i could repair it and keep using it.. anyhow, i’m starting to get caught up in the details. this is the reason i’ve been wanting to quit photography is because i get too caught up in the mind in the technical aspects of it, rather than allowing myself to be inspired and do the photography as a meditation. i get so frustrated trying to create new technical ways of seeing the world and i’ve also found myself getting frustrated trying to make things as efficient as possible and to cost as little as possible, so even little things like getting a refund on the ten dollar app i bought for the camera end up frustrating me as i’ve often had to jump through hoops to get to undo whatever mess i find myself in by getting trapped in the mind or technical aspects. these technical and mind aspects of life may serve a purpose but we cannot live there. they are not where life truly happens. living in the present moment is so much more meaningful than technical achievements or making things happen a certain way. those are all so short lived. last night when (or after) i was photographing the stars at honeymoon island realizing the app on the new camera wasn’t taking the time-lapse photos the way i had expected it to, i accepted that i might just have to return it all and save the money instead. i thought i could always get the equipment later and i really don’t necessarily even need it right now, but then i thought of all the work i went into getting the very best deals i could on them. part of the frustration was that i’ve been trying to simplify my life but still see myself falling into the trappings of the mind and desires, and part of it is from not trusting i’d get the same opportunity later and thinking i need to work to not miss it.

when i had such a strange yet simple encounter that was perfectly orchestrated by the divine/universe earlier this afternoon it must’ve broken me out of all of that mess and taken me into the moment. i’m not feeling it completely now, though it felt like none of those burdens/chaos/mess that the mind created existed. i was completely out it.

that was the feeling.. it was like when i was doing the process/exercise at the avatar course in the summer of 2010. it was realizing that i was there in the environment/world and i was out of my mind and everything was totally fine. i normally don’t have thoughts running in my mind.. it’s been pretty quiet these past few years since my transformation at the courses, though i feel that i default to still residing in the mind. i think with the combination of the experiences i had, or simply with divine grace or growth, i naturally relaxed and stepped out of the mind and into the present moment. i integrated whatever was there or released it or whatever happened and there i was, peacefully awake in the world. it was beautiful how i just realized it without any effort or trying to get there.

i see myself having many more moments and experiences like this as i continue along this journey. i know i lived from a higher place years ago after shifting some perspectives and transforming at the avatar course though i allowed myself to go back to old ways and old influences over the years since then. i feel i’m getting back on the path and as i re-align with this journey of growth and transformation, i’ll continue to have this sort of experience. perhaps the clearing of obstacles course at the flowering heart center in clearwater on sunday helped these life experiences occur so i could release and integrate what i needed to. the course was really great as i didn’t have any expectations or think too much about it (as was the case when i first went to avatar), and i had some feelings arise so i could experience and release them, as well as some insights come to me. i’d highly recommend any of the courses michael and suzanne have created this past year. they are all great and expand upon each other to help one heal, grow, and transform.

perhaps a part of it was also videos i’ve recently watched about ascension and the fifth dimension. when i watch, listen, or experience something in this spiritual journey, i realize how insignificant all the little troubles in life really are. getting caught up in stuff that really doesn’t matter is such a waste of time. all that really matters is being fully present in the here and now. planning or thinking too much about the future (or past) is such a drain of energy and time. it takes us out of the beauty of the present moment, where we can realize higher awareness, connect with others + the divine, experience miracles, etc, etc. if you find yourself not fully at peace or in the present, remember to stop whatever you’re doing and take a few moments to meditate, relax, drink in the beauty of nature, or do whatever helps you step out of your mind. when living in the present moment rather than the burdens of the mind, you’ll discover that it doesn’t matter what it is that you’re doing, and that what really matters is simply being.

four years ago today [2012.11.15]

i woke up at a rest area in mississippi, less than 15 miles from the alabama border.  i headed east and stopped when i got to the florida welcome center.  i was going to be meeting a friend who lived in pensacola though was early so i waited a little while at the rest area.  a while back, another friend had told me they serve orange juice at the welcome center.. i may have gone in to see if they had any though i don't remember.  after meeting my friend for brunch at a local restaurant, i headed over to pensacola beach and the gulf islands national seashore.  it was really beautiful to explore the beach on the seashore.  after experiencing so much cold weather out west, i really appreciated the warm florida sunshine.  the water and bright sand was really nice, though it was a bit loud from the naval planes flying overhead.. they flew in formation like i'd seen them do at air shows.

i headed east from the national seashore to check out a really big monolithic dome home.  i had just discovered these domes for the first time a couple days earlier in texas when i spontaneously decided to check them out, and there happened to be one on my way home in florida.  this home survived hurricane ivan in 2004 while the adjoining houses on the beach were destroyed.  after seeing the dome, i was going to take the road on the island to the next exit or all the way to the next town if possible, though it was closed so i had to head back to the peninsula.  i made my way back and then headed east along the coast, taking u.s. highway 98 or the smaller local roads when they existed.  i passed through seaside as it was getting dark.. it would've been nice to stay there though there may have been signs with parking rules or i didn't want to draw attention to the camper.  i drove for almost two more hours and spent the night in a parking lot near the mouth of st joseph bay.  i still had a day's worth of driving ahead of me before i'd get home, though was glad to be back in florida.  my truck drank much less gas driving on the flat land compared to the mountainous terrain out west, and i enjoyed the beauty of the warm sun and gulf coast beaches.
four years ago today [2012.11.12]

i woke up on the side of the road in oklahoma.  it'd be another long day of driving.. i was going to meet friends and family who lived in austin.  driving south of dallas, i noticed a lot of domes on the other side of the interstate.  i thought of stopping to check them out but didn't decide quickly enough to take the exit that was right there.  still wanting to have a look, i got off at the next exit, less than two miles up the road.  i'd been thinking of building a geodesic dome or other unique or earth-friendly home, and it was awesome to see these monolithic domes right off the interstate.  i explored one of the little cabins they had and then went to the visitor center.  a girl there took me on a tour of one of the homes.. it had been built a while back and had older styling inside, though was great to learn how resilient the domes were (with a lifespan that was measured in centuries). and it was funny to see them as i was going to be meeting someone else the next day to look at concrete earth-sheltered homes he built.  the girl who gave me the tour had a really interesting energy.  it felt quite alien, unlike anyone else i'd met.. i'm not sure if it was a texan vibe.. it seemed to be more of something in her level of awareness.

i headed south and stopped for a short break at a rest stop before meeting a couple friends who had moved to austin.  it'd been a while since i'd seen them, and i didn't realize they had broken up when i had written a message to both of them together.  they were still friends so it was okay, and the way their schedules worked out, most of the time only one of them was at the restaurant at a time.  it was great to see them and catch up.  we had some great conversations, especially with one of my friends whom i connected with about consciousness, spirituality, and higher awareness.  it felt great to open up and connect with someone i had known before my spiritual journey who understood and got what i was talking about.  after leaving, i contacted my uncle and aunt who lived nearby.. they were still awake so i went over to their place and we chatted for a bit before getting to sleep.

recent miracles (yup, this got long but all the details are connected and part of the unfolding)

a couple weeks ago i felt like going to one of my favorite parks around here, honeymoon island. when deciding what camera gear to bring, i felt i should bring my setup to do a time-lapse of the stars in case i want to take some photos after leaving the park at sunset. when i got to the park, i saw they were letting people in for a halloween event they were holding. i recall having seen the signs a week or two earlier and thinking i won’t go that day so i’m not in the midst of all of that and it might be pretty packed. i had forgotten about it and saw that one of the parts of the park i was thinking of going to was where the event was. i drove around and was going to go to part of the beach further away from where the event was being held. i think it was after passing the parking lot where the event was, i realized that if i were to park there, i’d fit in with all the cars of everyone there for the event and i could photograph the stars after it got dark as the event ran til 10. i went back around the loop and headed to the parking lot where they were parking cars for the event and found a spot a little further into the lot. i then went for a short walk on the beach.. there were a number of people around though i still took a couple 360 degree time-lapse clips of the beach and water. i went back to the car to wait for a little bit until it got dark (and in case they’d be driving their cart on the beach to kick people off after sunset). near the end of nautical twilight, i grabbed my gear (and a thick shirt i thankfully had left in the car a few days earlier, as it was pretty chilly with the wind blowing) and headed to the beach. i walked to a spot just a little bit up from the parking lot and started taking some night landscapes. shortly after i got there i saw some lights coming by and hoped it wasn’t someone that’d be kicking me off (though i was off in a little spot to the side where they may not have seen me). luckily, it ended up being a few people fishing. i wondered if they worked for the park (as i saw a sign for a friday night fish fry) though it didn’t seem that they did. i thought perhaps they were doing the same thing as me and staying late the one or two nights the park was open late. it was a little cloudy but the sky opened up after a little while and i probably got some decent shots of the stars. it was also really awesome to be able to experience the park at night. even just driving around the park on my way out was exciting to get to see it like i had never seen it before. it’s funny as recently i was looking at the park webcam and thinking i should have a look at it at night as i’ve only looked at it during the day to check out the conditions of the clouds. it was a really nice unexpected surprise and little miracle for me to end up going to the park the night it was open late and get to stay and experience it after dark (and have the gear with me that i needed to photograph a time-lapse of the stars). sometimes miracles are totally unexpected and the various layers and dimensions all come together in new ways.

after experiencing the beauty of the park at night, i decided to go back the next evening as they were having the same event a second night. i went to the same parking lot and found a spot, though there seemed to be more cars and i felt there’d be more people this night, so i ended up moving my car to the same spot i had parked in the night before (a little further out) as it’d be less obvious i was sitting in the car while waiting for it to get dark. i walked up the beach for a little bit and saw some people already set up with lots of fishing gear in the same spot someone was the night before. i wondered if it was the same group or not. i kept going and went much further than i had wandered the previous night. i found some great spots that would be really amazing to experience in the dark. when i was hiding behind a shrub shooting a 360 degree photo of the sky before sunset, i saw someone walking north with a tripod. it seemed like he was going to go pretty far north on the island. i wondered if he was doing the same thing as me and staying to photograph on the night the park stayed open late. i had thought of going back early to get the rest of my gear for the star-lapse photography and just head further into the island like i saw that guy doing, though didn’t. it was right around the time the sunset and i looked at my phone to see i had walked quite a bit. since i was a mile or more north of the parking lot, i figured i’d time how long it took to get back to the car if i was at that spot, so i could later make it before the parking lot cleared out when the event ended. i went back and didn’t have to wait in the car as long as the previous night before it got dark. i grabbed my gear and a light shirt in case it got cold (though didn’t end up needing it this night). the first spot i stopped at was a little further up than the last spot i was at the night before. there still was some light in the sky though i took a few shots. i didn’t want to stay there too long as i wanted to go further up where i could set up both that camera and the 360 degree one and was a little worried someone might come and tell me i couldn’t be there. i saw lights further up and thought i saw headlights from one of the carts in the distance. after finishing the first shot, i started heading a little further north and noticed someone off to the side of the beach. i was thinking i’d just keep going near the water hopefully unnoticed in case it was someone who’d say i couldn’t be there. as i got closer, the guy asked something like if i was getting some shots or shooting the stars. i said yeah, hopefully if the clouds open up. we got chatting for a bit and he was there doing the same thing. he took me up a little bit to show me where his camera was so i wouldn’t step on it and he asked if i had the pass. i don’t recall how our exact conversation went.. i think he asked how long i’d be there and i said until close to 10 when it closed. he asked if i had a pass and i found out about a photo pass the park offers if you have the family annual pass to the park. it allows you to stay all night in the park and photograph! i was so excited when i found out about that. we chatted a little longer and he apologized for keeping me from photographing. i told him it was worth it finding out about the photo pass and i thanked him for sharing that with me. i headed up to a few spots to set up the cameras and walked back and forth a couple times between them when setting them up (to keep them further away from each other). i was so ecstatic and excited to find out about the pass. this was truly an unexpected gift from the divine. i had no idea that a photo pass even existed for the park. i’m not sure if its new or has been around for a while or anything. it’s really exciting as i have been seriously considering selling my condo and converting a van into a small rv or camper. i had thought of spending my days at the park or one of the other local ones. how amazing would it be to not have to leave when it got dark and stay photographing!! even now or soon, it’d be so awesome to just explore the park at night and photograph it. i was just about to order a better lens for night photography too. all the pieces are coming together. i thought a little about the additional cost of the family pass on top of the individual pass though i’m sure it’d be totally worth it to be able to stay at night to explore and photograph. i could see a lot of great shots the more i started exploring this idea. i was so grateful to the divine for this unexpected miracle and gift. had i not been inspired to go to the park friday (after not making it thursday) and happen to have my gear with me and then go back on saturday and wander around exactly in the manner i did to go back to the car and then go to the spot where the guy was, i wouldn’t have found out about it. this opens up so many more possibilities. this is one of the best places in the area to see nature and the stars and whatnot. and it’s much closer than driving all the way down to clearwater beach. i had thought of going there and hiking up to caladesi island though it’s a really long way from the public parking spots. honeymoon island is so much easier to get to and besides being closer, a much nicer drive too (with far less distractions from stores and traffic). it’s so amazing how the divine brings new opportunities when we least expect them!

after hiking for miles on the beach and standing for a while photographing, my legs were hurting. when i got home, i left the 528hz miracle tone playing all night on my computer in my office right next to my bedroom. when i woke up, i felt fine and my legs were back to normal. i may have been a little tired though had some fruit for breakfast, showered, and went to the grocery store early as i’d be going to help with the livestream at the flowering heart center afterwards. i felt good and probably still a little excited from what’s been unfolding for me. i feel like i’m heading in some direction rather than just sitting in my condo waiting and waiting and bored. i finally decided that this is it, i’m not gonna just sit at home bored and lonely another hot summer. unless i meet a girl around here, i’m gonna get the van and go wander and explore. it seems like making this decision has helped the pieces start to come together in various ways. even little things like the handle on my refrigerator breaking reinforce the idea that it’s time to go. i’ve also been hearing the neighbors through the walls at times and its not exactly my idea of a sacred space that i want my home to be. i’ve had hesitation and have thought it’d be good to keep this condo just in case as its easier to just stay here when i’m here, though the association doesn’t want me parking a large van here. it must be the divine forcing me to get up and go and do what i really want rather than settle for something less than ideal. i much rather have my own land where i can grow food, have a garden, be in nature, and build a small home or get a tiny home or something.

it’s funny to watch how things unfold when one decides or creates an intention for something to happen. all the pieces start to come together and everything start to flow, but also other things may start to come up too. when i went to one of the local natural grocery stores, i was greeted by one of the girls who worked there and then saw another girl right near the front and briefly talked to her and felt like i could talk to her more. it seemed like that me deciding that i want to do the van life was now manifesting opportunities for me to connect with others when i had previously not encountered them or had missed them. i’m not sure exactly why.. perhaps its cause i feel like i’m on purpose or i feel better or have healed along the way or whatnot, or that this is just coming up as a last chance to do so before moving out (as one of the reasons i originally got the condo was that i felt i needed to be settled down in my own space before i could meet someone). i previously was traveling in my truck camper though it wasn’t ideal for living full time in, especially not in an urban area. anyhow, i won’t get off too much on the tangent or back story there.. i’m sure i’ve written plenty about it elsewhere. it’s just funny how everything flows when we’re on purpose and how things don’t seem to be going anywhere when we feel stagnant or bored or whatnot. back at the grocery store.. when i was near the frozen gluten free pizza, someone told me about the sale they had on it (which i had seen on their flyer or email online but wasn’t seeing the signs posted). i grabbed three pizzas and headed to check out with an overflowing basket of groceries. i noticed the price didn’t come up on sale for the pizzas and said something to the cashier. i don’t recall exactly what we said though i accepted it wasn’t on sale and didn’t get them. i thought of going back to look at which ones were on sale but didn’t feel like it. as i was finishing at the register, the cashier asked someone else who worked there if he could put the pizzas back. i asked him about the sale and if he knew which ones were on sale or something as those weren’t ringing up at the sale price. rather than go look or figure it out, he told the girl to just give me the sale price on the ones i had there (i think she said he was the boss or something). i wasn’t expecting that and wasn’t attached to the outcome of getting the pizzas and was able to get them at the sale price (which was close to half off). it was nice to see this all flow smoothly. i almost didn’t get the pizzas when i didn’t see the sale sign though someone happened to be there to mention they were on sale and it all worked out when initially it didn’t. it feels like part of everything just flowing smoothly is what i mentioned above.. its when we are on purpose or when we choose to feel good (or any particular way), and then good things happen for us in the world to reflect what we are feeling. the external world really is a mirror of the internal world, of what we’re feeling and believing (and how we’re being). i’ve know this for years though somewhere along the way forgot to a degree or just wasn’t really thinking it, or i just got caught up or overwhelmed by so many things or aspects of life or old negative influences and my energy started to go down a couple/few years back. (i think at one point i remember just wanting to do things the old way for a while..)

besides the little miracles unfolding, the bigger miracle is that i’ve been getting back on track. i’ve been letting go of what no longer serves me and allowing room for the good aspects of life i desire and also allowing for the divine to work through me so i may inspire others, help them awaken, etc, so we can all find ourselves living in a peaceful world. the more of us that find ourselves drawn to shift or transform (or just find this happening naturally or unexpectedly), the more quickly our planet will transform into someplace radically different, where we all live in peace, free from all the conflict caused by the ego/mind (and its unnecessary manifestations). we really can and will see a beautiful world unfold. i know it may be difficult to believe with various events that are happening in the world, though do not allow yourself to get caught up in those. if you hear or see something negative, acknowledge it as what is, do not resist it, and simply allow it to pass (this gets much easier as we continue to grow and evolve). and then shift your attention and energy to the world view you do want to experience and create. if you’re finding this difficult or not as simple as you’d like it to be, practice meditation, learn awareness building exercises, find a spiritual practice or community that resonates with you, or ask for divine grace or blessings. i could go into much more depth about all of what you can do to grow and awaken in this journey of life, though this is already getting long and i’m going astray on a tangent away from the miracles.. follow your heart and allow yourself to be inspired. the divine and universe will guide you through various means such as your intuition or feelings, and you will discover exactly what you need. you’re already exactly where you need to be, even if you don’t like all or any aspects of where you are. learn to accept and love the circumstances of your life, and your life itself, and you will see any blocks you may have begin to dissolve.

getting back to the miracles.. it’s now been almost a couple weeks since i wrote the first three paragraphs above though didn’t finish what i wanted to add after. a couple days ago, i went back to honeymoon island and i got the after hours pass for photography. and i didn’t have to pay to upgrade my pass to the family one either! it was a nice little miracle as i had thought it was only if you had the more expensive pass though it wasn’t necessary. in the recent weeks i was trying to decide which lens i should get for the night photography. i’ve sold a lot of gear and no longer have the previous camera i was shooting night star-lapses with and also sold the lens i could’ve sorta used as the focus by wire was barely usable for focusing in the middle of the dark. i narrowed down the choices to a couple of lenses (and was thinking about another potential that won’t be released until next year), and finally started leaning toward one of them. the one i wanted had a big sale at the beginning of august. it was the lowest the price had ever been and only for a day. i had previously thought about it and on that day, i figured i should sell the lens i currently have first rather than spend more money and accumulate more gear (as i’ve been working on simplifying and reducing the past year or two). i didn’t get it then and the price went back up. i was contacting dealers to see if they could honor that sale price though wasn’t having any luck. i also had contacted the manufacturer who told me to check back weeks later, which i did and they offered me a discounted price as part of their ambassador program. the price wasn’t as low as the previous sale price was and i never heard back from the guy though and was going to have to write a review and send images to them as part of the program. i was waiting to hear back from one major merchant about matching the price they had on a different color of the lens. i really preferred the black over the silver one that sold for less (especially as the lens hood on the silver one was black and it looked kinda weird). last wednesday i got an email back from someone who said she was waiting to hear from a different department and would let me know in a couple of days. that meant i’d get a response on friday, which was the day the manufacturer said they could offer me the ambassador pricing up until. i was waiting and didn’t see any response and it was already mid afternoon so they’d be closing soon. i called the merchant.. just before calling or when on hold, i shifted my energy basically asking the divine to just be done with this whole matter of searching for the very best price and i think i was also accepting that i might have to just get it at the regular price. when i got on the phone with whom had emailed me, she simply said yes she could match the price. however, she wasn’t expecting the lens to be in stock until a couple weeks into december. i then asked if she could substitute the lens for the same lens but with the other brand name on it (this manufacturer makes the same exact lens under different brand names). the one i asked for typically sold for more than the one that was out of stock. she let me know (pretty quickly) that she could sell me that one for twenty dollars more and it’d be in stock the third week of this month. i decided to go with that one instead of waiting until next month. in my previous mindset of needing to get the very best deal to save money as i didn’t have tons of money to just waste, i would’ve just waited, though i figured it really wasn’t that much more (and this other ‘brand’ might sell for a little more if i later decide to sell it, and this was the brand i would’ve gotten from the manufacturer (also for twenty dollars less) but i didn’t have to worry about the requirements of the ambassador program and i’m not sure if i would’ve been able to pay the manufacturer with a credit card, which by the time i got special reward points for my purchase through the credit card (and i think a little through the merchant), it would’ve been right about the same price anyhow. so basically, it all worked out!). i ordered the lens and filter and figured that i’d get it a little later in the month. i think on the next day i thought of asking another major merchant to match the price i had gotten. i inquired first about the previous sale price on the lens again though they couldn’t match that, and then i asked about matching the price i had on my invoice. i sent it to them and after a little bit, they said yes they could match it. it was great they could as it wasn’t a completed invoice yet as i hadn’t given my payment information to the first merchant since the bonus reward points didn’t start until this past monday. the new merchant said the price match code would only be good until that evening (this was sunday when i contacted them). i didn’t want to wait until monday as i didn’t know if they’d honor the price match a second time and i didn’t want to lose one of the ones they had in stock in case they happened to sell out. i asked if i could give them a credit card to place the order and then switch it the next day (as they said it charges it immediately upon ordering). he said i could so i did that. i was excited i’d be receiving the new lens this week (and be done with the whole searching and waiting). i wrote the first merchant asking them to remove the lens from the order and only ship the filter (unless they could ship the lens monday) and correct the shipping address on my order. on monday morning i called the credit card to confirm the bonus program i had received in the mail and then called customer service at the second merchant to update the credit card they were going to charge. i called the first merchant as they had corrected the address on my order though hadn’t canceled the lens. i gave them the credit card to charge the filter to and then found out that they had gotten the lens in stock. this was totally unexpected. i almost didn’t believe it as just the day before i had checked again and they still were not expecting it in stock until sometime next week. they said they had gotten it from the manufacturer and it would be shipping that day. still in a bit of disbelief or shock as to where this lens came from all of a sudden, i even checked their website and the status had changed to show the lens in stock. i contacted the second merchant and requested they cancel the order, and now my lens and filter are on their way to be delivered sometime today. tonight i’ll go out to honeymoon island to take some time-lapses with it and i’ll now be able to use it in a few days on the night of the supermoon. i was planning on using one of my current lenses though now don’t have to. i don’t know exactly what i’ll shoot just yet.. i do have a couple ideas i thought of that would work better with the brighter moon.. we’ll see what method i feel inspired to do or what unfolds.

another little miracle of connection that i almost forgot about was that last week i had gone to the bank to make a deposit to a new account as they were offering an opening bonus for doing so.. after having someone check the opening signature paperwork, i went to the teller to make the deposit. normally i just stand there waiting and staring off into space to not give them any pressure by looking at them when i’m waiting. i felt that i could shift my energy to connect with her through my heart and send a quiet blessing or love while waiting. i could sense a subtle smile on her face when i did so. it was nice to share that quiet connection with her. when she looked at me i made eye contact briefly though didn’t say anything outside of the transaction. it was nice to make a little connection and not look away or feel awkward or weird when she looked back at me. i still didn’t know what to say though this was an improvement for me to feel some connection with someone i didn’t know (especially when it’s a girl in her 20’s or 30’s that i could potentially be interested in). i feel as i continue to grow and heal as i free my energy of the burdens that i’ve been holding onto, connecting with others will continue to become more natural and effortless, and i’ll become comfortable in sharing helpful perspectives and inspiration with anyone i meet. i know i’ve been in that place before and am grateful for getting back on the path. it’s also nice to free my attention of the burdens of little insignificant things i need to take care of such as opening new accounts just to get some bonuses deposited. i had another one that i recently opened that i hadn’t heard back from and it took over two weeks by the time it finally got opened.. i almost just gave up and told them to cancel opening it as it was taking a long time for them to process all the paperwork i had to mail in. i called on monday and they opened it.. i was able to get the routing info over to my friend i work for just in time for him to send me my weekly direct deposit on tuesday morning. i barely made it too, as i’m only expecting one more of the weekly direct deposits from him next week and this bank requires two for the bonus. i’ll probably still get a little more work from him in the following weeks though i really don’t know how much or if i will get any. its a miracle that i’m actually not worried about it and that earlier this year i was able to save up enough money to pay off all of my debts if i wanted to. i do have a little more than what i owe to keep me going for a little bit though i’m probably gonna sell the condo anyhow.. i’m grateful to not be worrying or feel like i could easily be drowning if i stopped getting paid (as i was certainly feeling this a year ago and other times). it’s also been a miracle that throughout the financial struggles, i’ve come to accept where i am and realize how much stuff i really don’t need and how the stuff itself isn’t bringing me real happiness. (again this is something i’ve known though in going back to old ways or negative influences a few years ago and finding myself living through various fears or limiting perspectives, i ended up chasing after external things for fulfillment. i’m glad to be letting go and going back to what really matters in life)

i realize this has gotten quite long with all the details, though i share all the details as i see them all connected to exactly what unfolded. when we step into a miracle mindset, or simply allow the divine to flow through us and guide us in life, all the pieces start to come together quite effortlessly. yes, sometimes there are hiccups or challenges along the way, though an opportunity or solution will naturally be there or present itself. as we surrender into this flow, our lives become much simpler (and we become more effective at handling whatever arises). the more we learn to see how everything is connected (and the divine grace that has brought us to exactly where we are through all of the little pieces of our lives prior to this moment), the more we can naturally become connected with this divine flow and allow miracles to show up in our lives. we can choose to use this to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. as we continue to expand and grow, we’ll see how we can use this to improve the conditions of the entire world. and it seems that the more we surrender into the divine flow and allow the divine to work through us to help others, the greater the miracles, flow, and connection to the divine will become. (we are all connected.. you’re really just helping another part of yourself when you’re helping another and working for a cause greater than your own self-interests. and if a part of ourself is hurting, how can we truly be whole without healing that part?)

four years ago today [2012.11.07]

i woke up in the middle of nowhere.  the night before i had driven into grand staircase-escalante national monument.  i wanted to check out an arch in the park and perhaps thought i could photograph the stars under it.  when mapping my route, i figured i'd go through the park and make my way to arizona.  after driving an hour down a long, bumpy, winding dirt road up, down, and around the park, sometimes right at the edge of steep cliffs, i came to a closed gate in the direction i wanted to go.  i decided to spend the night there and head back in the morning.  it was really cold this morning, in the 20's.  previously having thought i would only have 30 more miles to the highway from where i woke up, i had to back track hours out of the way to get on the route to my next destination.  i found cattle walking up a steep hill on my way out.  close to the entrance i found the arch i hadn't seen in the pitch dark night.

after making it out, i drove through the neighboring kodachrome state park, which was quite beautiful.. i found a huge rock formation that i parked my truck next to for a photo.  i decided to stop at bryce canyon to have another look as it was now on the way back.  after, i drove through the same road i had the day before, and ended up seeing one section three times as i had passed through that area both on my way in and out of the grand canyon.  had i known i couldn't make it through grand staircase-escalante, i probably would've changed the order of my itinerary or where i was going, though the experience was all part of the adventure and it was nice to get to see what i did.  in arizona, i had a quick look at glen canyon dam and i was pleasantly surprised with a really nice view and drive going down echo cliffs via antelope pass.  i made it to the south rim of the grand canyon in the afternoon with enough time to explore a little bit before the sun went down.  i found a spot at an overlook where i could photograph the stars over the canyon.  i remember waiting a little bit to pop the top as other cars were still in the parking lot, though finally did after a while and think others also spent the night there.
four years ago today [2012.11.04]

i woke up in the mojave desert this morning.  i had backed into a small area i had seen off the side of the road the night before.  after a little bumpiness getting out, i went further into the desert to explore.  i saw joshua trees and shot a 360 degree rotating video clip like i had experimented with the day before.

i then continued along past the mojave and entered nevada.  i was on my way out of california.  this was day 60 of my journey of life on the road, and i had spent the past 3.5 weeks exploring california.  at some point i decided i was going back to florida.  i'd been wanting to find some land and it was expensive in california.  and the truck camper was feeling too small for full time living.. i think it would've been a big help if i had a better shower that i didn't have to set up each time i used it and wasn't carrying as much gear with me.  i also wanted to be part of a community again and knew people back in florida, including an old friend in need of help.

i had planned out a path zig-zagging my way through all the remaining contiguous states west of the mississippi that i hadn't yet taken my truck camper to.  i had to make it quickly as i was going to be flying to chicago to help my friend with his business after i got home.. at some point on my journey home he ended up pushing back the date as he was moving.  had i known ahead of time, i would've taken a little longer to travel back east.. like the journey west, i did find myself rushing to make it across the country.  some days i drove pretty much all day.

in nevada, i drove down part of the las vegas strip and i think i stopped for a sub after.  i then headed to zion national park.  i'd never been to utah and was excited to check it out.  i briefly passed through arizona on the way there though would be back the next day to explore it.  i made it to zion in the afternoon and explored during the little daylight that remained.  it was really beautiful and definitely one of the places i could've stayed longer.  i found a spot where i had a great view of the stars over one of the rock formations towering above where i was in the canyon below.
four years ago today [2012.11.01]

in the morning i headed to the southwesternmost point of the contiguous united states at international park.  this border park was quite different than the one i'd seen earlier at the canadian border.. there were two large fences that ran along the border and it was very desolate and being actively patrolled.  my family (whom watches the news and lives in fear) had told me about americans being be-headed in tijuana shortly before i was in southern california.. i think this led me to have the thought of what if someone would be shooting across the border from one of the buildings right there.  i was a little worried and afraid as i walked the long road from the parking lot outside the park toward the beach.. it seemed to be a really long walk when i was on the part of the road that was a straight shot south to the border for half a mile.  at some point, after nothing happening, i was totally fine and wasn't worried about anything happening to me, despite being right by the border for a while.  it's funny how one little thought in the mind can make you feel like that, and how social conditioning and negative influences affect so many people without them even realizing it.  as we continue to embrace and let go of our own programming, we discover true freedom and a sense of who we really are.

on the way to the border park, i had stopped to look at a shop that built a specialty camper roof for a couple suv's.  i'd never seen one in person and wanted to check out what it was like.. i had written ahead of time though most of them weren't there and they didn't have a completed one that day so i could only see a bit of their building process.  after going to the border park, i headed north to san diego along coronado island where i stopped for a little bit.  i took the bridge into san diego and explored a garden near the zoo where i saw lots of unique desert plants.  i then went to a park by the marina where i saw the sun set before meeting a friend who lived nearby for dinner.. it was nice to chat and catch up.  after dinner, i drove a while up to a campground close to (or part of) the los angeles metro area.
four years ago today [2012.10.29]

i was on my way back to the coast this day.  i went up to santa cruz and checked out the little beach area for a bit.  it was nice to explore the coastal towns.. like in oregon, i felt i could just stay along the coast exploring for a while.  i made my way south on california route 1 to pacific grove to meet with brooks, the former owner of the online kite aerial photography shop.  i was purchasing one of his kits and had asked if i could meet him to pick it up as i didn't have a way to get mail on the road.  he was really nice.. we chatted briefly when i met him and he told me about point lobos and a place nearby where i could see the monarch butterflies.  i hadn't known about either.. i doubt i would've found the butterfly sanctuary without him telling me and may not have stopped at the green spot on the map where point lobos was had he not suggested it.

i went right over to the sanctuary afterwards, and then headed over to check out monterey.  i had heard it was nice and pacific grove was right next door to it.  the whole area was quite beautiful, with a coastal feel.  thinking about that, i was just looking at the map and it looks like i drove right by asilomar, where wayne dyer's movie the shift was filmed, and didn't even know it.. i probably was following directions or looking at the map and totally missed it.  i remember wayne dyer sharing the miracle of the monarch butterfly in one of his programs.. it was neat to get to see them in person.

from monterey, i drove along the coast back towards pacific grove to create a time-lapse of it as it was a beautiful drive.  it was very wet from the dense fog there.  i made my way over to carmel-by-the-sea, a quaint little town full of shops.  i went by the beach for a few minutes then found a spot to park in town.  as it was getting dark, i briefly walked around the area with the shops and then spent the night in my camper.  to stay discrete, i didn't pop up the top and kept quiet.  in places like this, especially as the days got shorter, i kept thinking how i'd blend in better and be less likely disturbed in a plain van.. luckily, no one bothered me in the camper.
#lifeontheroad #homeiswhereyouparkit #truckcamper #journey #travel #roadtrip #journal #vlog #blog #rv #driving #road #campground #camping #camplife #exploremore #getoutside #wanderlust #optoutside #exploretocreate #liveoutdoors #stayandwander #homeonwheels #liveyouradventure #nomadiclife #adventurelife #discovertheroad #adventuremobile #rvlife #freedomvessel
four years ago today [2012.10.26]

i woke up less than ten miles outside of sequoia national park, and was gonna start to make my way back towards the coast.  i had found a spot behind a large rock formation just next to the road.  it was nice to see the early morning sunlight on the nearby foothills on the drive west.  i saw a field of cotton and parts of the state i had never been to.. there was so much open space and land in california.  after driving through the middle of the state, i went to a campground not too far from the coast.

that morning i had stopped in fresno to check out the sportsmobile factory.. in thinking it'd be good to have much more room if i were going to stay on the road permanently, i thought about doing a custom conversion of a full length sprinter van.  it was nice to get a tour of the factory and see a little of how they made the vans into rv's or campers.

at the campground, i found a spot along the edge of the large area that was shaded by a row of trees.  it was nice that a lot of the campgrounds weren't full so i usually had a choice of where to park and would go look for something far from others so it'd be quiet, private, and more natural.

i think one of the things i really liked about doing really long exposures or time-lapses at night was being present. sitting, waiting for the camera to expose the images would give me a lot of time to just be there and experience being there. i recall feeling this sometimes during the day when doing time-lapses and just sitting waiting, or when simply waiting for the sun to set when i would get to the causeway or park early. it was nice to just hang out and be in a natural place without thinking i needed to photograph every single moment. it’s so much better to create when feeling inspired rather than trying to force it when wanting to do a specific project. being somewhere at night is nice as its cooler and there’s usually not very much light in the natural places i go to (or even in places that are more well lit), so it’s easier to relax and focus on what i do see. perhaps a part of it is that its also quieter with less people out. i’m not sure all the exact specifics.. i should stop trying to figure it out. it’s all about just relaxing and being in the moment. i’ve experienced this perception even when walking on a bright sunny day, so it’s not all about the external conditions.. it’s about the internal feeling. the external environment can help one feel a certain way, though one can shift how one feels regardless of any external conditions.. it might take a little more effort and work if one is resisting a lot of what one is feeling or experiencing in the world, though it can be done. i’m glad i came out here to do this shot tonight. i felt inspired earlier to do so when i was laying in the grass. it’s not the most exciting shot though i’ll put it with other ones i shoot in a time-lapse and i’m sure it’ll add to the interest of it.

i think what i’m enjoying most about my experience today going to lay on the grass and coming out here is that its bringing me back to aspects of the old me that i had forgotten.. i used to be more spontaneous and free and very often feel inspired to create lots of photographs.. i’d also really embrace the experience of life. somehow over the past couple/few years i strayed away from this. i’ve been wanting to make changes in my life so i could have more fun and enjoy it more again. i think part of the issue i’ve faced was in having my own condo i’ve really felt the struggle to make money to be able to pay for it.. i really don’t like owing anyone anything, especially not when it’s tied to some legal agreement where they could take my home if i didn’t pay. a long time ago, even though i did need money for rent or food or something, i still managed to be free. i was more care free and wasn’t attached to outcome. sometimes i did have less to worry about, less responsibility or concern, though i still sometimes managed to let go of attachment and be free. i think it helped when i either had a group of friends who were easy-going or knew me and appreciated me as i was, or when i had a girlfriend who enjoyed being spontaneous and going on an adventure. one of the most enjoyable aspects of life is just having fun and being in the moment with someone else. it’s something i’ve missed for a long time as i either lost touch with or let go of a lot of people from my past. having nobody and feeling stuck inside a condo that i didn’t fully appreciate really affected me. as i learn to surrender and enjoy my life more, i’ll really be able to embrace wherever i am, regardless of whether or not i’m with someone else or not. yes, it’d certainly be nice to hang out with someone whom i have a meaningful connection with, though i can still appreciate and enjoy my own life.

these recent months (and years) i’ve been so busy working on my photography projects that i haven’t really just sat down and enjoyed life. and as i did the projects and wasn’t really enjoying them for very long after they were complete, it began to feel quite meaningless doing them. when that’s all i was doing, my whole life began to feel meaningless. i really wondered what i was doing with it and often felt lonely and bored. i think sometimes the photo projects were just a means to satisfy that boredom, in an attempt to give my life some meaning or purpose, though it never quite worked as well as it could’ve. it’d only be a very temporary satisfaction.. it’d feel exciting to create a new technique and be out shooting that way, though it quickly lost its excitement after doing it for a little while or completing the project. sometimes it began to feel like work i had to do to complete it and it was no longer fun. i think part of the issue was that i was only going to the same parks and places in the area here. they quickly lost their excitement as it was the same places i was just photographing in new ways. it feels so much more exciting and thrilling to be traveling and exploring someplace new, or some place i hadn’t been to in a while. i know i’m not the only one to experience some of these things and others have written about similar feelings. places and experiences can become mundane if they’re repeated over and over, especially when there is no real purpose or the purpose is only a means or failed attempt to fulfill a deeper longing.

yesterday, or the day before, i deleted thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars worth of ‘success’ audio programs i had purchased when i was attempting to start business a long time ago. i also deleted the majority of audio files i had downloaded or copied off old cds from a very long time ago. it feels good to purge and let go of things i no longer need. we often hang on to things (digital, physical, mental, or emotional) thinking maybe we’ll need them one day or want to experience them again, though if we look at when was the last time we actually used them (or did we ever use them), we’ll realize that the actual likelihood we’d use them is slim to none. i also deleted old video files i either downloaded or copied off dvds. all together, i purged over half a terabyte of data. it’s funny to look at how much time and effort i wasted downloading and copying the data, thinking maybe i’ll need it some day. i think the large majority of what i deleted i never played once. it felt good to let it go, knowing i didn’t need it. i look at even recently how i’ve downloaded some audio programs i’ve found on the web so i would have them for someday rather than just play it online and see if i even like it. most of them i never listened to though knowing i had them made me feel or think i was okay and could just listen to them whenever. however, whenever never came. it wasn’t a beneficial way of looking at it. now, looking at things more from the perspective of the experience, i can choose to see it in a way that i no longer need to have it or hang on to it. and i don’t have to be on the total opposite extreme about it either.. if i end up liking something, i can choose to keep just those things. i recently read an article talking about de-cluttering.. i think they quoted someone and it basically said to look at or hold each thing you have and if it doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it. that’s such a great way to look at it. i don’t need to think about the usability or potential of it.. it’s simply going by the feeling it brings. this can be applied to any aspect of life. rather than overthinking things, simply if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it, and if it does feel good, do it. a friend of mine who’s a transformational coach taught me about living from the ‘feel good’.. it’s simply stepping into the feel good and choosing from that place. it’s much simpler to live from feeling, or the heart, than the mind. the mind can take one in all sorts of directions and often contradict itself, though the heart, soul, and inspiration can guide in a much more effective manner. just like right now.. i wanted to write more and had other areas i wanted to look at, though i’m feeling a little tired and the camera’s been going for long enough to get a decent shot for the time-lapse, so i’m gonna head back home instead of try to force more words out at the moment.

as i was leaving the causeway, the thought of not caring came to mind. by not caring i mean in not being attached to outcome, not worrying so much about the little things, and not caring what others think or expect of you. i used to live more freely from this place of not caring. i didn’t really worry so much about certain things and would just go with the flow or what felt right. i’m sure there was some degree of caring, i don’t remember exactly, it’s been many years now.. though at some point i just got to not care or worry so much and would just enjoy the moment and the experience of life. lately i see how i’ve been trying to control things by wanting things to be a certain way or making things happen a certain way or whatnot.. this hasn’t served me as i’ve only put limitations on myself by doing so. i could write about lots of examples that i was thinking on my drive home, though i won’t go into them all as i’m not feeling them right now. as i surrender attachment to outcome or needing things to be a certain way (or seeking perfection in a sense), i’ll be able to flow more with life. trusting things are going to work out works a lot better than trying to force things to go a certain way. it’s much less stressful to let the universe handle everything rather than take it all into your own hands. the more you do this, the more you’ll see it just naturally works out anyhow (and all that time and energy you wasted was of your own making and truly unnecessary).

it feels good to just be in the moment. i’m sitting here in my condo and realizing this is okay right now. it may not be perfect though right now in this moment it’s okay. learning to relax and take it easy makes a huge difference in life. you don’t need to make everything so difficult. take time for yourself and enjoy the experience. relax. love life.

four years ago today [2012.10.21]

sleeping under the stars at lake tahoe, i woke up in the morning to explore a little before making my way to a campground not that far away.  it was windy that day with small white crests on the lake’s water.  along the highway to the campground i saw more yellow-leaved trees.  it was nice to get to experience a bit of the fall weather after just having been in summer temperatures a couple or few days earlier.  when checking in at the campground, the girl said we'd be getting a little snow though it wasn't going to stick.  being that it'd be near or below freezing, i didn't leave my water hose hooked up overnight.  the spot i stayed at was interesting.. it was a big parking area next to large rocks.  i went for a bike ride to a pond at the campground and recall it being pretty cold.  i don't recall what else i did.. perhaps i worked on the computer or just stayed inside the camper for warmth.
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four years ago today [2012.10.18]

having spent the night in a suburban area, i woke up before the sun rose and quietly left.  to stay more discreet, i hadn't popped up the top of the camper.. this is one of the times where a plain looking van would've blended in better, though i didn't have any issue.  i explored a little of the east side of the bay and then took one of the bridges back west.  on my way to san francisco, i stopped at a hobby shop to replace the broken propellor for the model i crashed three days earlier.  in san francisco i explored a few of the parks in the middle of the city that had nice panoramic views of the surrounding neighborhoods and city.  i never knew these existed and hadn't seen them during my first visit.  it was neat to check them out and explore somewhere a bit different than the typical tourist attractions.  after seeing a few of them, i headed to a camera shop downtown to check out a used lens before meeting a friend who worked in town.  i checked out the event venue where she worked and then we went to the source, a vegetarian restaurant, for dinner.  while there, i ordered an elixir, divine guidance, and felt like i was receiving the guidance or inspiration during our great conversation.  it was great to see my friend.. it had been years since we'd seen each other before that.  i gave her a ride home back across the bay.. she said it was a safe area so i stayed in the camper on the street there (though didn't pop the top). before getting to sleep (and the next morning), i wrote some insights and feelings i was experiencing.  it was awesome to feel more aware, present, in the moment, and be able to feel and understand more deeply.
four years ago today [2012.10.14]

i explore the avenue of the giants when i woke up this morning.. it was really amazing and beautiful.  i felt a connection to the trees when i hugged one, and was sad as i neared the end of the avenue of the giants.  the giant redwood trees were so magnificent.. it's really sad that 96% of the trees that once stood are gone because of logging.  i'm grateful that more people are becoming aware of the negative impact humans have had on the planet.  as more of us learn of the harm that has been caused to nature because of society's need to continually consume more, we'll start to see great changes in how people are treating the environment.  it's already begun to happen as consciousness has increased and more of us have started to focus on sustainability, collaboration, and simplicity over consumption, competition, and greed.

i headed south and got on california route 1 where it began at u.s. highway 101.. i took the long, winding road up, down, and around the hills toward the coast.  somehow i made it the whole way when my truck was just about out of gas, and the gas station just before getting on route 1 had some issue.. either the pumps weren't working, they were out of gas, or i saw that it was a no name station and i didn't trust the quality of gas.  it was a bit nerve-racking driving to the coast.. i didn't know how many more changes there'd be in elevation on the way there, and the truck drank a lot of gas going uphill.  i don't recall how many miles the truck was saying were left on the tank.. it may have been in single digits or zero.  i stopped at the first gas station on the map, a little community mart that happened to have one pump.  it was the worst spot i ever got gas from with an ancient pump that was really dirty and may have been rusty.  it had handwritten signs on it with the price and instructions.  at $5 a gallon and 24.982 gallons, it was the most i ever spent on gas.  i know i didn't have to fill it up, though i either wanted to see how low it really was or didn't really worry once i started the pump.  on the coast, i saw nice views, explored a couple of spots, and spent the night at an overlook.