it’s beautiful how all the little pieces come together on their own when in tune or aligned with the divine, or when simply open to it. i’ve noticed a few little miracles or synchronicities these past few weeks, and just had a couple little ones this morning.. i’d been trying to sell some old things as i prepare to make some changes in my life and i saw one sold unexpectedly over this weekend, but i still had quite a number of things that have been sitting there for a while that hadn’t sold, even after dropping the price quite a bit. i decided i was done and was going to just donate them to the library or elsewhere (after briefly thinking i could give them yet another shot and almost doing so). after gathering together the things i’d be donating into a box, i was going to prepare to send out the one that sold and i noticed that another thing had just unexpectedly sold in that short time! (both of these were not super valuable but also not the least expensive things i was selling either) by surrendering my attachment to selling the ones i’d be donating, another one i still was going to sell sold right then. sometimes we just have to do things a little differently or simply let go of attachment or control. it was nice to have a little bit of unexpected income. and it was nice to see that i had finally gotten most of the pile of things i wanted to sell out of the corner of the room where they’d been stacking up for a long time. sometimes we just gotta make the decision to move forward and the divine will take that step with us and for us. as my printer was down, i went over to my folks’ place to print out the shipping labels there. i thought i was just going to be there for a few minutes and then leave, though ended up staying a bit longer as my mom offered me a little lunch. after my sister arrived on her lunch break (since my mom was babysitting my nephew), i felt i should get going to make it to the postal box before the pickup time that was approaching. i had biked over since it warmed up quickly (another nice little thing that happened today as i was thinking i’d have to drive if it didn’t warm up until later), and wanted to have enough time to make it before the postal carrier went by. as i hopped on my bike and started to make it a few houses down the street, i saw the local postman coming to drop off mail. i stopped my bike, got out the couple packages and as soon as i walked across the street, he was pulling up to the house that was there. since i no longer had to bike to the postal box, i decided to take the longer route home and rode by the nice park between here and there. i took my time and made a couple short stops to embrace nature on the beautiful day it had become. another nice little thing that happened was that i had gotten an expected call from a new client when i was out. when i got back home, i listened to his message and gave him a call back as it sounded like he needed some computer help. he ended up resolving that though had good news about an investment opportunity he had recently told me about. i was starting to wonder how it was going this weekend and as i temporarily forgot about it this morning when in the midst of what i wrote above, i unexpectedly got positive news about the direction its going in. so often it seems simply letting go, surrendering, or forgetting (or forgiving or focusing on something else or anything along those lines) is the key to allowing the divine to effortlessly unfold unexpected miracles in life.
it was a very calm moment. i felt like everything was okay. it was a little strange just having met someone from my hometown (a small town in new jersey) down here at the park near my home in florida. after he left i continued on shooting another time-lapse clip. that’s when it struck me how odd it was.. how odd to be meeting someone from the same small town way down here. i had never met anyone from there anywhere else. he had even gone to the same school i had gone to. we briefly chatted only for a few minutes or moments. time seemed irrelevant. i felt more fully present in the here and now. and everything felt calm all of a sudden. one might think perhaps it was the beautiful weather or the feeling from meeting the guy or from what i was working on in my photography.. though it felt deeper and more profound than all of that. it felt like i had ascended. just a bit. but from this higher place everything was peaceful and okay. it felt like the encounter was a divine meeting of sorts. it was funny, as at first when i felt him standing there looking at the camera, knowing he wanted to ask something about it, i only said a couple words. though on his way back a minute or two later we spoke much longer. [i can see how this was all part of the divine orchestration or lesson of what i might miss by being too caught up or focused on my own goals rather than allowing the divine to flow through me and take me where i’m going]
back to the feeling and feeling that i was at a higher level. it felt a little eerie like i remember feeling in a dream around nine years ago. in the dream i remember being in a really strange place and encountering a little girl (when no one else was around as everything was all run down). i think i asked where i was and she told me it was thought city, where people go to process their thoughts. at the time i was really stuck in the mind and anxiety. and thought i was actually stuck in that place when in that dream or alternate reality. here it felt really different. the opposite of being in the mind. really calm and peaceful. and from that place i knew everything was okay. i’m not sure why it reminded me of that dream. (perhaps i felt this calmness when in that dream, i don’t recall) i think it was the feeling that the meeting or place was so strange that it had to have been divinely orchestrated.
or it was the feeling that i knew i was here in this reality but i really existed at a higher level than it. i was in the world but not of it. i felt it and knew it. and it was okay. no matter how weird the world was, it didn’t matter. [it was like i was awake, lucid, in this dream we call reality/life on earth, and this life on earth almost felt like it was a temporary meeting place for those of us who are stuck or traveling through this plane of existence.. almost like i was in this heaven/hell “loka” that some see earth as]
maybe it was just the experience of realizing how subtly more present or relaxed i was. i need not try to figure it out but it’s fun to look back at this and see if i remember any of it in the future. or perhaps it’s insightful to someone. it doesn’t matter why. in feeling called to write, despite the inaccuracy of conveying feeling into words, i am doing so.
this is the life i want to live. where i just wander and explore and meet others in their own journey and it’s all perfectly orchestrated at a higher level. and i continue to ascend into higher levels of awareness while still embracing this experience on earth. i think part of this process had been about realizing how caught up i’ve gotten in things that don’t matter and trying to control or make things happen. rather than just enjoying and embracing the journey (and trusting it) and allowing it to be a meditation. i read a good article earlier about the tao or zen of photography and treating photography as a meditation rather than forcing it. it was a good reminder.. that’s when it really was more meaningful. in that ascended moment it felt like i had gone back to old ways in photography.. where it was more of play and not so serious. perhaps that with a brief reminder of childhood it allowed me to integrate some feelings and ascend to the presence.
it’s funny how the divine and universe work like that. i didn’t think about coming to the park when i did. i happened to at that time because that’s when i heard the noise from the lawn crew at my condo. and then i left and came to the spot i had thought of to do the shots i wanted to experiment with. as i was driving in the park i thought of another spot or two to explore though i ended up where i did. this is part of why my work has always had the element of experimentation and perspective and perception in it. it’s a subtle message for this higher reality we can all live from if we allow ourselves to.
i also had thought of an experience i had six years ago at the avatar course where it was really bright and i was doing a walking exercise/meditation that brought me into the present — during this experience, i was able to walk with the sun in my eyes and still see and feel fine without it bothering me at all. i was resisting the sun a little when i first got to the lake as it was really bright and i was thinking i needed sunglasses (which i’ve only worn like once in many months). when i was talking to the guy, i had my hand in the air blocking the sun as i was facing directly towards it. a little later when i felt calm and at peace, it no longer was an issue and i had forgotten about the sun bothering me (i may have not been facing directly towards it though i had integrated the overall brightness and i didn’t notice it like i did when i first got there).
it also seemed like time disappeared. i didn’t feel like i was in the park that long though the time had gone by quite quickly even though i had only taken a few short time-lapse clips. [as i’m editing this right now, i just realize it’s been an hour since i got home and it didn’t seem like that much time had passed. i guess time and space truly do disappear as we expand to higher levels of awareness.]
a thought i had ten years ago also came to me a little later: do whatever it takes to remove the burdens from your life. and most of these burdens are in your own perception.
i made it home so now i can type the rest of this on my computer rather than the phone…
another layer to all of this is that i was almost (again) at the point last night of totally quitting photography. i had an issue where a new camera i just got couldn’t perform the function that i had purchased it for. i won’t go into all the technical details though i found myself in the midst of deciding i would just return it and also return the lens i had just purchased. the divine had left me little ways out to get my money back. the lens had a little mark on it when i got it and the camera wasn’t properly doing the function i wanted so i thought i could just return them and be done. i was also having an issue with the infrared camera that had fallen in the pond a few weeks ago and was thinking i’d just sell that or i could repair it and keep using it.. anyhow, i’m starting to get caught up in the details. this is the reason i’ve been wanting to quit photography is because i get too caught up in the mind in the technical aspects of it, rather than allowing myself to be inspired and do the photography as a meditation. i get so frustrated trying to create new technical ways of seeing the world and i’ve also found myself getting frustrated trying to make things as efficient as possible and to cost as little as possible, so even little things like getting a refund on the ten dollar app i bought for the camera end up frustrating me as i’ve often had to jump through hoops to get to undo whatever mess i find myself in by getting trapped in the mind or technical aspects. these technical and mind aspects of life may serve a purpose but we cannot live there. they are not where life truly happens. living in the present moment is so much more meaningful than technical achievements or making things happen a certain way. those are all so short lived. last night when (or after) i was photographing the stars at honeymoon island realizing the app on the new camera wasn’t taking the time-lapse photos the way i had expected it to, i accepted that i might just have to return it all and save the money instead. i thought i could always get the equipment later and i really don’t necessarily even need it right now, but then i thought of all the work i went into getting the very best deals i could on them. part of the frustration was that i’ve been trying to simplify my life but still see myself falling into the trappings of the mind and desires, and part of it is from not trusting i’d get the same opportunity later and thinking i need to work to not miss it.
when i had such a strange yet simple encounter that was perfectly orchestrated by the divine/universe earlier this afternoon it must’ve broken me out of all of that mess and taken me into the moment. i’m not feeling it completely now, though it felt like none of those burdens/chaos/mess that the mind created existed. i was completely out it.
that was the feeling.. it was like when i was doing the process/exercise at the avatar course in the summer of 2010. it was realizing that i was there in the environment/world and i was out of my mind and everything was totally fine. i normally don’t have thoughts running in my mind.. it’s been pretty quiet these past few years since my transformation at the courses, though i feel that i default to still residing in the mind. i think with the combination of the experiences i had, or simply with divine grace or growth, i naturally relaxed and stepped out of the mind and into the present moment. i integrated whatever was there or released it or whatever happened and there i was, peacefully awake in the world. it was beautiful how i just realized it without any effort or trying to get there.
i see myself having many more moments and experiences like this as i continue along this journey. i know i lived from a higher place years ago after shifting some perspectives and transforming at the avatar course though i allowed myself to go back to old ways and old influences over the years since then. i feel i’m getting back on the path and as i re-align with this journey of growth and transformation, i’ll continue to have this sort of experience. perhaps the clearing of obstacles course at the flowering heart center in clearwater on sunday helped these life experiences occur so i could release and integrate what i needed to. the course was really great as i didn’t have any expectations or think too much about it (as was the case when i first went to avatar), and i had some feelings arise so i could experience and release them, as well as some insights come to me. i’d highly recommend any of the courses michael and suzanne have created this past year. they are all great and expand upon each other to help one heal, grow, and transform.
perhaps a part of it was also videos i’ve recently watched about ascension and the fifth dimension. when i watch, listen, or experience something in this spiritual journey, i realize how insignificant all the little troubles in life really are. getting caught up in stuff that really doesn’t matter is such a waste of time. all that really matters is being fully present in the here and now. planning or thinking too much about the future (or past) is such a drain of energy and time. it takes us out of the beauty of the present moment, where we can realize higher awareness, connect with others + the divine, experience miracles, etc, etc. if you find yourself not fully at peace or in the present, remember to stop whatever you’re doing and take a few moments to meditate, relax, drink in the beauty of nature, or do whatever helps you step out of your mind. when living in the present moment rather than the burdens of the mind, you’ll discover that it doesn’t matter what it is that you’re doing, and that what really matters is simply being.
recent miracles (yup, this got long but all the details are connected and part of the unfolding)
a couple weeks ago i felt like going to one of my favorite parks around here, honeymoon island. when deciding what camera gear to bring, i felt i should bring my setup to do a time-lapse of the stars in case i want to take some photos after leaving the park at sunset. when i got to the park, i saw they were letting people in for a halloween event they were holding. i recall having seen the signs a week or two earlier and thinking i won’t go that day so i’m not in the midst of all of that and it might be pretty packed. i had forgotten about it and saw that one of the parts of the park i was thinking of going to was where the event was. i drove around and was going to go to part of the beach further away from where the event was being held. i think it was after passing the parking lot where the event was, i realized that if i were to park there, i’d fit in with all the cars of everyone there for the event and i could photograph the stars after it got dark as the event ran til 10. i went back around the loop and headed to the parking lot where they were parking cars for the event and found a spot a little further into the lot. i then went for a short walk on the beach.. there were a number of people around though i still took a couple 360 degree time-lapse clips of the beach and water. i went back to the car to wait for a little bit until it got dark (and in case they’d be driving their cart on the beach to kick people off after sunset). near the end of nautical twilight, i grabbed my gear (and a thick shirt i thankfully had left in the car a few days earlier, as it was pretty chilly with the wind blowing) and headed to the beach. i walked to a spot just a little bit up from the parking lot and started taking some night landscapes. shortly after i got there i saw some lights coming by and hoped it wasn’t someone that’d be kicking me off (though i was off in a little spot to the side where they may not have seen me). luckily, it ended up being a few people fishing. i wondered if they worked for the park (as i saw a sign for a friday night fish fry) though it didn’t seem that they did. i thought perhaps they were doing the same thing as me and staying late the one or two nights the park was open late. it was a little cloudy but the sky opened up after a little while and i probably got some decent shots of the stars. it was also really awesome to be able to experience the park at night. even just driving around the park on my way out was exciting to get to see it like i had never seen it before. it’s funny as recently i was looking at the park webcam and thinking i should have a look at it at night as i’ve only looked at it during the day to check out the conditions of the clouds. it was a really nice unexpected surprise and little miracle for me to end up going to the park the night it was open late and get to stay and experience it after dark (and have the gear with me that i needed to photograph a time-lapse of the stars). sometimes miracles are totally unexpected and the various layers and dimensions all come together in new ways.
after experiencing the beauty of the park at night, i decided to go back the next evening as they were having the same event a second night. i went to the same parking lot and found a spot, though there seemed to be more cars and i felt there’d be more people this night, so i ended up moving my car to the same spot i had parked in the night before (a little further out) as it’d be less obvious i was sitting in the car while waiting for it to get dark. i walked up the beach for a little bit and saw some people already set up with lots of fishing gear in the same spot someone was the night before. i wondered if it was the same group or not. i kept going and went much further than i had wandered the previous night. i found some great spots that would be really amazing to experience in the dark. when i was hiding behind a shrub shooting a 360 degree photo of the sky before sunset, i saw someone walking north with a tripod. it seemed like he was going to go pretty far north on the island. i wondered if he was doing the same thing as me and staying to photograph on the night the park stayed open late. i had thought of going back early to get the rest of my gear for the star-lapse photography and just head further into the island like i saw that guy doing, though didn’t. it was right around the time the sunset and i looked at my phone to see i had walked quite a bit. since i was a mile or more north of the parking lot, i figured i’d time how long it took to get back to the car if i was at that spot, so i could later make it before the parking lot cleared out when the event ended. i went back and didn’t have to wait in the car as long as the previous night before it got dark. i grabbed my gear and a light shirt in case it got cold (though didn’t end up needing it this night). the first spot i stopped at was a little further up than the last spot i was at the night before. there still was some light in the sky though i took a few shots. i didn’t want to stay there too long as i wanted to go further up where i could set up both that camera and the 360 degree one and was a little worried someone might come and tell me i couldn’t be there. i saw lights further up and thought i saw headlights from one of the carts in the distance. after finishing the first shot, i started heading a little further north and noticed someone off to the side of the beach. i was thinking i’d just keep going near the water hopefully unnoticed in case it was someone who’d say i couldn’t be there. as i got closer, the guy asked something like if i was getting some shots or shooting the stars. i said yeah, hopefully if the clouds open up. we got chatting for a bit and he was there doing the same thing. he took me up a little bit to show me where his camera was so i wouldn’t step on it and he asked if i had the pass. i don’t recall how our exact conversation went.. i think he asked how long i’d be there and i said until close to 10 when it closed. he asked if i had a pass and i found out about a photo pass the park offers if you have the family annual pass to the park. it allows you to stay all night in the park and photograph! i was so excited when i found out about that. we chatted a little longer and he apologized for keeping me from photographing. i told him it was worth it finding out about the photo pass and i thanked him for sharing that with me. i headed up to a few spots to set up the cameras and walked back and forth a couple times between them when setting them up (to keep them further away from each other). i was so ecstatic and excited to find out about the pass. this was truly an unexpected gift from the divine. i had no idea that a photo pass even existed for the park. i’m not sure if its new or has been around for a while or anything. it’s really exciting as i have been seriously considering selling my condo and converting a van into a small rv or camper. i had thought of spending my days at the park or one of the other local ones. how amazing would it be to not have to leave when it got dark and stay photographing!! even now or soon, it’d be so awesome to just explore the park at night and photograph it. i was just about to order a better lens for night photography too. all the pieces are coming together. i thought a little about the additional cost of the family pass on top of the individual pass though i’m sure it’d be totally worth it to be able to stay at night to explore and photograph. i could see a lot of great shots the more i started exploring this idea. i was so grateful to the divine for this unexpected miracle and gift. had i not been inspired to go to the park friday (after not making it thursday) and happen to have my gear with me and then go back on saturday and wander around exactly in the manner i did to go back to the car and then go to the spot where the guy was, i wouldn’t have found out about it. this opens up so many more possibilities. this is one of the best places in the area to see nature and the stars and whatnot. and it’s much closer than driving all the way down to clearwater beach. i had thought of going there and hiking up to caladesi island though it’s a really long way from the public parking spots. honeymoon island is so much easier to get to and besides being closer, a much nicer drive too (with far less distractions from stores and traffic). it’s so amazing how the divine brings new opportunities when we least expect them!
after hiking for miles on the beach and standing for a while photographing, my legs were hurting. when i got home, i left the 528hz miracle tone playing all night on my computer in my office right next to my bedroom. when i woke up, i felt fine and my legs were back to normal. i may have been a little tired though had some fruit for breakfast, showered, and went to the grocery store early as i’d be going to help with the livestream at the flowering heart center afterwards. i felt good and probably still a little excited from what’s been unfolding for me. i feel like i’m heading in some direction rather than just sitting in my condo waiting and waiting and bored. i finally decided that this is it, i’m not gonna just sit at home bored and lonely another hot summer. unless i meet a girl around here, i’m gonna get the van and go wander and explore. it seems like making this decision has helped the pieces start to come together in various ways. even little things like the handle on my refrigerator breaking reinforce the idea that it’s time to go. i’ve also been hearing the neighbors through the walls at times and its not exactly my idea of a sacred space that i want my home to be. i’ve had hesitation and have thought it’d be good to keep this condo just in case as its easier to just stay here when i’m here, though the association doesn’t want me parking a large van here. it must be the divine forcing me to get up and go and do what i really want rather than settle for something less than ideal. i much rather have my own land where i can grow food, have a garden, be in nature, and build a small home or get a tiny home or something.
it’s funny to watch how things unfold when one decides or creates an intention for something to happen. all the pieces start to come together and everything start to flow, but also other things may start to come up too. when i went to one of the local natural grocery stores, i was greeted by one of the girls who worked there and then saw another girl right near the front and briefly talked to her and felt like i could talk to her more. it seemed like that me deciding that i want to do the van life was now manifesting opportunities for me to connect with others when i had previously not encountered them or had missed them. i’m not sure exactly why.. perhaps its cause i feel like i’m on purpose or i feel better or have healed along the way or whatnot, or that this is just coming up as a last chance to do so before moving out (as one of the reasons i originally got the condo was that i felt i needed to be settled down in my own space before i could meet someone). i previously was traveling in my truck camper though it wasn’t ideal for living full time in, especially not in an urban area. anyhow, i won’t get off too much on the tangent or back story there.. i’m sure i’ve written plenty about it elsewhere. it’s just funny how everything flows when we’re on purpose and how things don’t seem to be going anywhere when we feel stagnant or bored or whatnot. back at the grocery store.. when i was near the frozen gluten free pizza, someone told me about the sale they had on it (which i had seen on their flyer or email online but wasn’t seeing the signs posted). i grabbed three pizzas and headed to check out with an overflowing basket of groceries. i noticed the price didn’t come up on sale for the pizzas and said something to the cashier. i don’t recall exactly what we said though i accepted it wasn’t on sale and didn’t get them. i thought of going back to look at which ones were on sale but didn’t feel like it. as i was finishing at the register, the cashier asked someone else who worked there if he could put the pizzas back. i asked him about the sale and if he knew which ones were on sale or something as those weren’t ringing up at the sale price. rather than go look or figure it out, he told the girl to just give me the sale price on the ones i had there (i think she said he was the boss or something). i wasn’t expecting that and wasn’t attached to the outcome of getting the pizzas and was able to get them at the sale price (which was close to half off). it was nice to see this all flow smoothly. i almost didn’t get the pizzas when i didn’t see the sale sign though someone happened to be there to mention they were on sale and it all worked out when initially it didn’t. it feels like part of everything just flowing smoothly is what i mentioned above.. its when we are on purpose or when we choose to feel good (or any particular way), and then good things happen for us in the world to reflect what we are feeling. the external world really is a mirror of the internal world, of what we’re feeling and believing (and how we’re being). i’ve know this for years though somewhere along the way forgot to a degree or just wasn’t really thinking it, or i just got caught up or overwhelmed by so many things or aspects of life or old negative influences and my energy started to go down a couple/few years back. (i think at one point i remember just wanting to do things the old way for a while..)
besides the little miracles unfolding, the bigger miracle is that i’ve been getting back on track. i’ve been letting go of what no longer serves me and allowing room for the good aspects of life i desire and also allowing for the divine to work through me so i may inspire others, help them awaken, etc, so we can all find ourselves living in a peaceful world. the more of us that find ourselves drawn to shift or transform (or just find this happening naturally or unexpectedly), the more quickly our planet will transform into someplace radically different, where we all live in peace, free from all the conflict caused by the ego/mind (and its unnecessary manifestations). we really can and will see a beautiful world unfold. i know it may be difficult to believe with various events that are happening in the world, though do not allow yourself to get caught up in those. if you hear or see something negative, acknowledge it as what is, do not resist it, and simply allow it to pass (this gets much easier as we continue to grow and evolve). and then shift your attention and energy to the world view you do want to experience and create. if you’re finding this difficult or not as simple as you’d like it to be, practice meditation, learn awareness building exercises, find a spiritual practice or community that resonates with you, or ask for divine grace or blessings. i could go into much more depth about all of what you can do to grow and awaken in this journey of life, though this is already getting long and i’m going astray on a tangent away from the miracles.. follow your heart and allow yourself to be inspired. the divine and universe will guide you through various means such as your intuition or feelings, and you will discover exactly what you need. you’re already exactly where you need to be, even if you don’t like all or any aspects of where you are. learn to accept and love the circumstances of your life, and your life itself, and you will see any blocks you may have begin to dissolve.
getting back to the miracles.. it’s now been almost a couple weeks since i wrote the first three paragraphs above though didn’t finish what i wanted to add after. a couple days ago, i went back to honeymoon island and i got the after hours pass for photography. and i didn’t have to pay to upgrade my pass to the family one either! it was a nice little miracle as i had thought it was only if you had the more expensive pass though it wasn’t necessary. in the recent weeks i was trying to decide which lens i should get for the night photography. i’ve sold a lot of gear and no longer have the previous camera i was shooting night star-lapses with and also sold the lens i could’ve sorta used as the focus by wire was barely usable for focusing in the middle of the dark. i narrowed down the choices to a couple of lenses (and was thinking about another potential that won’t be released until next year), and finally started leaning toward one of them. the one i wanted had a big sale at the beginning of august. it was the lowest the price had ever been and only for a day. i had previously thought about it and on that day, i figured i should sell the lens i currently have first rather than spend more money and accumulate more gear (as i’ve been working on simplifying and reducing the past year or two). i didn’t get it then and the price went back up. i was contacting dealers to see if they could honor that sale price though wasn’t having any luck. i also had contacted the manufacturer who told me to check back weeks later, which i did and they offered me a discounted price as part of their ambassador program. the price wasn’t as low as the previous sale price was and i never heard back from the guy though and was going to have to write a review and send images to them as part of the program. i was waiting to hear back from one major merchant about matching the price they had on a different color of the lens. i really preferred the black over the silver one that sold for less (especially as the lens hood on the silver one was black and it looked kinda weird). last wednesday i got an email back from someone who said she was waiting to hear from a different department and would let me know in a couple of days. that meant i’d get a response on friday, which was the day the manufacturer said they could offer me the ambassador pricing up until. i was waiting and didn’t see any response and it was already mid afternoon so they’d be closing soon. i called the merchant.. just before calling or when on hold, i shifted my energy basically asking the divine to just be done with this whole matter of searching for the very best price and i think i was also accepting that i might have to just get it at the regular price. when i got on the phone with whom had emailed me, she simply said yes she could match the price. however, she wasn’t expecting the lens to be in stock until a couple weeks into december. i then asked if she could substitute the lens for the same lens but with the other brand name on it (this manufacturer makes the same exact lens under different brand names). the one i asked for typically sold for more than the one that was out of stock. she let me know (pretty quickly) that she could sell me that one for twenty dollars more and it’d be in stock the third week of this month. i decided to go with that one instead of waiting until next month. in my previous mindset of needing to get the very best deal to save money as i didn’t have tons of money to just waste, i would’ve just waited, though i figured it really wasn’t that much more (and this other ‘brand’ might sell for a little more if i later decide to sell it, and this was the brand i would’ve gotten from the manufacturer (also for twenty dollars less) but i didn’t have to worry about the requirements of the ambassador program and i’m not sure if i would’ve been able to pay the manufacturer with a credit card, which by the time i got special reward points for my purchase through the credit card (and i think a little through the merchant), it would’ve been right about the same price anyhow. so basically, it all worked out!). i ordered the lens and filter and figured that i’d get it a little later in the month. i think on the next day i thought of asking another major merchant to match the price i had gotten. i inquired first about the previous sale price on the lens again though they couldn’t match that, and then i asked about matching the price i had on my invoice. i sent it to them and after a little bit, they said yes they could match it. it was great they could as it wasn’t a completed invoice yet as i hadn’t given my payment information to the first merchant since the bonus reward points didn’t start until this past monday. the new merchant said the price match code would only be good until that evening (this was sunday when i contacted them). i didn’t want to wait until monday as i didn’t know if they’d honor the price match a second time and i didn’t want to lose one of the ones they had in stock in case they happened to sell out. i asked if i could give them a credit card to place the order and then switch it the next day (as they said it charges it immediately upon ordering). he said i could so i did that. i was excited i’d be receiving the new lens this week (and be done with the whole searching and waiting). i wrote the first merchant asking them to remove the lens from the order and only ship the filter (unless they could ship the lens monday) and correct the shipping address on my order. on monday morning i called the credit card to confirm the bonus program i had received in the mail and then called customer service at the second merchant to update the credit card they were going to charge. i called the first merchant as they had corrected the address on my order though hadn’t canceled the lens. i gave them the credit card to charge the filter to and then found out that they had gotten the lens in stock. this was totally unexpected. i almost didn’t believe it as just the day before i had checked again and they still were not expecting it in stock until sometime next week. they said they had gotten it from the manufacturer and it would be shipping that day. still in a bit of disbelief or shock as to where this lens came from all of a sudden, i even checked their website and the status had changed to show the lens in stock. i contacted the second merchant and requested they cancel the order, and now my lens and filter are on their way to be delivered sometime today. tonight i’ll go out to honeymoon island to take some time-lapses with it and i’ll now be able to use it in a few days on the night of the supermoon. i was planning on using one of my current lenses though now don’t have to. i don’t know exactly what i’ll shoot just yet.. i do have a couple ideas i thought of that would work better with the brighter moon.. we’ll see what method i feel inspired to do or what unfolds.
another little miracle of connection that i almost forgot about was that last week i had gone to the bank to make a deposit to a new account as they were offering an opening bonus for doing so.. after having someone check the opening signature paperwork, i went to the teller to make the deposit. normally i just stand there waiting and staring off into space to not give them any pressure by looking at them when i’m waiting. i felt that i could shift my energy to connect with her through my heart and send a quiet blessing or love while waiting. i could sense a subtle smile on her face when i did so. it was nice to share that quiet connection with her. when she looked at me i made eye contact briefly though didn’t say anything outside of the transaction. it was nice to make a little connection and not look away or feel awkward or weird when she looked back at me. i still didn’t know what to say though this was an improvement for me to feel some connection with someone i didn’t know (especially when it’s a girl in her 20’s or 30’s that i could potentially be interested in). i feel as i continue to grow and heal as i free my energy of the burdens that i’ve been holding onto, connecting with others will continue to become more natural and effortless, and i’ll become comfortable in sharing helpful perspectives and inspiration with anyone i meet. i know i’ve been in that place before and am grateful for getting back on the path. it’s also nice to free my attention of the burdens of little insignificant things i need to take care of such as opening new accounts just to get some bonuses deposited. i had another one that i recently opened that i hadn’t heard back from and it took over two weeks by the time it finally got opened.. i almost just gave up and told them to cancel opening it as it was taking a long time for them to process all the paperwork i had to mail in. i called on monday and they opened it.. i was able to get the routing info over to my friend i work for just in time for him to send me my weekly direct deposit on tuesday morning. i barely made it too, as i’m only expecting one more of the weekly direct deposits from him next week and this bank requires two for the bonus. i’ll probably still get a little more work from him in the following weeks though i really don’t know how much or if i will get any. its a miracle that i’m actually not worried about it and that earlier this year i was able to save up enough money to pay off all of my debts if i wanted to. i do have a little more than what i owe to keep me going for a little bit though i’m probably gonna sell the condo anyhow.. i’m grateful to not be worrying or feel like i could easily be drowning if i stopped getting paid (as i was certainly feeling this a year ago and other times). it’s also been a miracle that throughout the financial struggles, i’ve come to accept where i am and realize how much stuff i really don’t need and how the stuff itself isn’t bringing me real happiness. (again this is something i’ve known though in going back to old ways or negative influences a few years ago and finding myself living through various fears or limiting perspectives, i ended up chasing after external things for fulfillment. i’m glad to be letting go and going back to what really matters in life)
i realize this has gotten quite long with all the details, though i share all the details as i see them all connected to exactly what unfolded. when we step into a miracle mindset, or simply allow the divine to flow through us and guide us in life, all the pieces start to come together quite effortlessly. yes, sometimes there are hiccups or challenges along the way, though an opportunity or solution will naturally be there or present itself. as we surrender into this flow, our lives become much simpler (and we become more effective at handling whatever arises). the more we learn to see how everything is connected (and the divine grace that has brought us to exactly where we are through all of the little pieces of our lives prior to this moment), the more we can naturally become connected with this divine flow and allow miracles to show up in our lives. we can choose to use this to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. as we continue to expand and grow, we’ll see how we can use this to improve the conditions of the entire world. and it seems that the more we surrender into the divine flow and allow the divine to work through us to help others, the greater the miracles, flow, and connection to the divine will become. (we are all connected.. you’re really just helping another part of yourself when you’re helping another and working for a cause greater than your own self-interests. and if a part of ourself is hurting, how can we truly be whole without healing that part?)
miracles and gratitude.. i wanted to write this the other day so let’s see if i can remember it. a miracle that i’m grateful for is that i made it through the rest of the 2012 life on the road films. i somehow made it! it was a long process to do the 45-46 films that took just under a month of me working pretty much non-stop on it from the time i’d get up to the time i’d go […]
a little miracle i experienced is in that the past few weeks, mostly after accepting myself and where i’m at, i’ve felt motivated to go through 144,000 photos (exactly) to put together a lot of time-lapse videos that i hadn’t gotten around to for quite a while. and i was inspired to create a way that i may be able to simplify the long process of finishing the life on the road films i shot back in 2012 and 2013 (or will at least be able to make some future video/film projects much simpler).
another miracle is that i’ve been able to open up a bit and connect more easily with others after the satsang at the flowering heart center in clearwater. in the past i was usually very quiet though tonight found myself naturally speaking a little and engaging a bit in the conversations. i feel the subtle growth in letting go, allowing, and accepting is beginning to make more of a difference in my life and is opening new doors for me. i’m grateful for my journey and for allowing my heart to open once again.
looks like its time to dive into whatever it is i’m feeling again. i was laying in bed for quite a while, it was another night i didn’t sleep that well. i’ve been sleeping pretty well most of this month, though a few weeks ago i did have some times of not sleeping that i wrote about. it was related to wanting to ask a girl out and failing to do so. i saw her again last night and didn’t get to connect with her. i ended up talking with another friend whom i hadn’t seen in a while which was nice. though i didn’t really get to talk to the girl i wanted to talk to. she was talking with a couple others in conversation and i didn’t make my way over there as i was talking with a few others. i did hug her and say it was nice to see her as she was leaving, and i did feel a little of her energy and a connection earlier. as i was just laying in bed, a few things were coming to me of what i was facing and going through. these were things related to the issues i’ve experienced in connecting with others. it’s been easy for me to connect with someone whom i already know, or know is unavailable, or someone i’m not interested in. though when it’s a nice girl in her 20s or 30s, some resistance shows up. or i don’t even feel the resistance and i just don’t know what to say. or i’m in the midst of whatever i was in and she shows up unexpectedly and i don’t really engage or connect with her as i was focused on whatever it was that i was doing (like grocery shopping if i run into someone there.. i think i also have some sort of resistance about connecting with a girl while she’s working as i don’t want to bother her or be the guy hitting on the waitress so to speak). mostly i see this all comes down to vulnerability. there’s a part of me that’s resisting connecting with a girl, a part of me that’s afraid, as i know if i do, my life could change quite drastically. it’s not that i don’t want change, as i’ve been wanting to have an amazing relationship with a girl for a long time. though perhaps part of me does enjoy certain aspects of my life now. though that’s not really it either. it feels like it’s that i know i could easily fall in love if i open my heart to someone. and although i do want to fall in love and have a great relationship with a girlfriend, there’s something there blocking it. it feels like perhaps its not being able to decide exactly who it is that i want, or not being able to decide all the aspects of what i want in a relationship or what it’ll look like. though that’s not really it. what it feels like it really is, that all of these struggles with connecting with others is, is that i’ve been hurt in the past when i’ve opened my heart. and in different ways. part of me wants to have a beautiful community and feel like family, and i had a group of friends that i really had a lot of fun with a long time ago though there was an issue/drama between a couple of them and that ended up splitting up the group. i was also going in my own direction at the time and saw that a lot of them were not the best influence. and when i went to the avatar course, i felt really close to a lot of my friends there and we felt like family, especially when a number of us were staying together for a couple weeks at a timeshare condo for the wizard course. when we got close to the end of the course i began to feel the pain and hurt knowing we were all leaving soon and going to different parts of the country and world, and might not see each other for a long time (or in some cases ever again). it really hurt to get to feel so close to others and then to have that all of a sudden gone. i guess this must be what it feels like when someone loses someone they love when they transition at death. it must be a similar feeling. something else is coming up in this moment.. i’ve never really felt that sort of loss with someone passing as those that i’ve known that have passed i haven’t been that close to. but i’ve felt these deep losses with losing friends or girlfriends when relationships have ended. and i’ve never known what really to say to someone else when they’ve experienced someone they’ve loved passing away. there were a couple other things i want to say though they’re not there at this moment… ah, yes, another part of it that i was remember was that when i had an amazing transformational experience at the avatar course several years ago, i remember more easily connecting with others and feeling in a higher place than i feel i’ve been the past couple years.. i remember feeling really connected to others i’d meet, and like i would easily fall in love with girls i’d meet as i’d have an open heart. i think this also relates to the decision aspect. perhaps i feel or think i need to decide what i want in a relationship first so i can use some discernment ahead of time. otherwise, if i have an open heart, i may just fall in love with the first person i meet and connect with when my heart is open. looking at that, that might not be a bad thing, as the divine could be placing the exact person i need to meet and connect with and fall in love with right there for me. perhaps i don’t need to be thinking about this so much and just open my heart. though i remember a few years back, a friend i met at the avatar course told me not to fall in love so easily when he saw how i felt about the girls i would meet. i remember hugging a friend goodbye at the end of the wizard course who didn’t stay with the group/family at the condo, though we or i saw her fairly often during the courses and when i knew she was leaving to go overseas, i really felt the pain/hurt/upset as i was hugging her when she was leaving, and she felt it too as i think i was shaking a bit as i was embracing her. i feel for a lot of or most of my life i’ve been really sensitive, and when i’ve been hurt or felt i’ve needed to control or avoid the possibility of being hurt, i would close up (and this is in other ways too, like in needing to make sure i don’t be too spontaneous and spend lots of money when i only have a limited amount coming in, as i know i can easily be sponatenous and spend a lot when i fall in love with someone or am living with an open heart). i feel these issues are related to trust. as i’ve been hurt in the past, i feel that i’ve had to live from the mind or not open my heart up as i can’t trust it’s going to work out.. it’s like i’ve got to make absolutely sure everything is going to work out as i want it to in order for it to. so now as i face issues such as having to pay for a condo and car and all the related expenses (and not wanting to lose everything i’ve put into it so far), and i haven’t been getting paid as much as i was before, i end up in a struggle and feel i can’t fully enjoy life until i know all of this is taken care of and there’s nothing to worry about. as i find myself sitting here for so long and not doing the things i want to be doing in life, or even if i’m doing some things i enjoy like going to parks and photographing, as i find myself not fully embracing the moment and really enjoying or experiencing life or simply relaxing, i start to look for external solutions to fix this, as the things i’m not liking are in the external world. so for example, i see that living in this condo isn’t perfect.. yes there are some aspects that are good about it, though there are some things i’d prefer different.. as such, i start to look for other options. i start to chase after solutions that don’t exist. like finding inexpensive land to build a home or live out of an rv or camper around here. and in the areas i want to be, land is pretty expensive. then the thought of traveling or living out of a van comes to mind. which could be fun, though would this simply be a distraction to try to solve the real issue of opening my heart.. sometimes i feel these external things could solve the issue, as i know i could relax if i had less to worry about or if the things in the external world were going the way i wanted them to. and if i could relax, i could naturally open my heart. but then i wonder if this whole cycle would simply repeat itself in a different way. when i earned a good amount of money the year after i took the avatar course, i got a truck camper and didn’t really think it all out. i was looking for an inexpensive rv option and was leaning towards the truck camper for the versatility and it was the least expensive way to get into an rv. though when i traveled the country in it, i sometimes or often found it difficult to find places to park at night where i wouldn’t be seen or disturbed, especially when i wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere or in a national park or forest or something. after looking at some options, the one i picked felt right and i went with it. perhaps it was right for what i needed to experience, but was it really right.. if that’s the feeling i trusted and went with and it didn’t all go exactly as i planned, how do or can we trust feelings.. i know things change and can change quite quickly after embarking on a spiritual journey, and i enjoy some change, though i also would like some degree of permanance. like in a home, i’d like a place i can always come back to and know it’s there, and not have to go through all the effort of figuring out where to live nor having to throw money away on renting something, etc, etc. but now that i have my own home and i have to struggle to pay for it and i don’t even like it fully, i wonder if that even matters. anyhow, that’s another tangent. going back to trust, i can see many years ago, before this whole spiritual journey, or at least before choosing to go on it and learning more about spirituality, i lived more wrecklessly, following my feelings, and i got hurt in different ways. i suppose i wasn’t really that wreckless, though i’m not sure exactly what it is about it.. perhaps i felt that i wasn’t really going anywhere in life and i was just having fun and now i need to be more responsible to have my own home and such… i know i had my heart broken multiple times, and i think i’ve been feeling that i need to take care of all of the things in my life that had previously led to a failed relationship so i can make it work this time. and i feel there’s so much to do. as i take care of some things, i see it getting easier and the space opening up, though perhaps i’m seeking perfection too much. i know it’s been amazing when i’ve fallen in love and have felt like its just been a long honeymoon, though when something didn’t work out, like we didn’t have money or didn’t fully open up to share what we were feeling or struggling with, or whatnot, things fell apart. i think another thing i’m facing is that i know i want to continue to grow and expand on this spiritual journey, and continue to increase my awareness, though i don’t know if i would want to once in i’m a relationship or if i’d be able to do both. i know i could find someone else on a similar journey or someone who’s open to this, though i see so many people out there that are in much different places in their lives, and interested in very different things. i think to a degree this all comes back to the decision aspect, and not knowing what to decide. perhaps its also thinking i need to decide, that i can’t have both. this reminds me that i can have both. i can create a life that has everything i desire. though i mustn’t get too caught up in the seeking perfection aspect of it and just allow it. though at the same time, i think i would be quite happy just having a loving relationship and not feel the need to expand my awareness as far. part of me just wants to enjoy life. perhaps i just need to surrender and open my heart. though i also feel in this need to surrender, that as i let go of different aspects of who i am, then i find myself not knowing who i am. and it becomes more difficult to relate to or connect with others, as i feel it’s already been difficult as i don’t have a lot of the same interests or experiences in life as a lot of other people. perhaps it’s only as i’m looking at the shallow aspects of what each of us like, and i ought to connect with someone more deeply. but then that goes back to opening my heart and being vulnerable. so i’m not sure where i’m going with all this. it seems to be going in a loop. i guess this is what it’s like to be stuck. i’ve seen this before with various aspects of life. i suppose i could just choose an exit point and leave this loop. i can change whatever it is i want, though must decide what to change. i feel as i free up space by exploring this and getting this out there, it becomes easier to naturally feel what it is i do want. as i let go of what no longer serves me, it gets easier to open my heart and allow what can serve me. i always feel i need to end on a positive note like that. like i need to find a way out. it doesn’t always have to be like that. this is really just me exploring some of the issues i’m facing. i may find solutions though i need not force them. i know i’m on the right path, though still don’t have all the answers. i suppose i just gotta ask for divine grace to guide me and naturally open my heart, and if that involves healing and letting go, then to open me up to fully experience those feelings and fully release them. i simply want to enjoy my life and have meaningful relationships/friendships with others and have a deep connection with a girl in a loving, committed relationship. i want to feel alive and love my life and let my light shine brilliantly.
bringing the darkness to light sometimes we must face what’s going on deep down inside in order to heal. often we may resist doing this as there are parts of ourselves we don’t want to see nor admit are still there. the mind can become very good at distracting itself from what is there or putting its attention into doing something else when a bit of the unpleasant feeling arises. though it’s up to us to decide to face the […]
today i woke up and noticed the temperature on my thermostat was a bit lower than what i had left it on last night. i hadn’t noticed that since i’ve been back in town these past few days. i looked at the weather and saw it had gotten a little bit cooler this morning, and felt it’d be really nice to go out for a bike ride before it warmed up later in the morning. i had some tea and was on the computer for a bit, and it was starting to get a little later. i don’t know exactly what time it was when i got out.. it was sometime after 9, maybe close to 10, though when i opened my door to take my bike outside, it was still nice and i felt a cool breeze. this was a little miracle as i didn’t expect it to be a little cooler (and with less humidity) as these past few days have been much warmer and humid when i’ve gone out in the morning and i took longer to get out of the condo too. another little miracle or ‘random’ coincidence / synchronicity was that a couple/few minutes into my ride, shortly after i got on the path that goes along the back road here to the park, i was thinking of my dad and the connection to him. i was going through a small part of the trail where it goes through some trees and as i was getting towards the end of it, i noticed a car starting to slow down on the road to the left. i thought perhaps it was a realtor or something (though didn’t see any real estate signs anywhere). as i started to come out of the little wooded area, i had a closer glance at part of the car and realized what it was. i looked up through the passenger window that was open and it was my dad saying he took the day off and was running errands. i had never run into him (or my mom) in that area, and when i was thinking about seeing him yesterday and improving/healing the relationship/connection, there he appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. (they do live a couple miles up the road, though it was a divine plan for him to be taking the back road at the same exact time i was biking that way to the park and thinking of him) i ask the divine to help me heal all of my relationships so i can flow with life and enjoy it without resistance. (and funny that just as i posted this, i got a text message from my mom..)
what am i looking for?
i’m looking to meet a girl who desires to be in a relationship. someone who can be a friend, a lover, an adventure companion. someone who enjoys life, both the simple and the exquisite, though isn’t attached to either. someone who is awakened, free, or on a spiritual path. someone who desires to grow and embrace life, and is also fine where she is at. someone who equally enjoys staying at home, going on adventures locally, or traveling across the country. someone who desires to have fun, enjoys romance, and wants a deeper connection with me. someone who appreciates good or healthy food. someone who enjoys the beauty of nature and living in a warm place. someone i can share this experience of life with. someone who i can open my heart to and who can open her heart to me. someone i can fall in love with, who can fall in love with me. someone who is pretty, cute, or beautiful. someone who is sweet and has a good heart. someone who can appreciate both being at peace or relaxed, and also getting excited about fulfilling dreams. someone whom i can express myself with openly, fully, genuinely, and authentically. …
today the hotel i’m staying at is going to be shutting down the water at 9am to install new plumbing equipment. they were going to be doing this tuesday after 10am, though they must’ve not gotten to it. today i was supposed to check out and didn’t know if i was going to be going to another hotel, my friend’s, or staying here again. i was wondering a bit if i was going to have to rush or have to ask them to delay shutting down the water until i could check out, move rooms, etc, etc. yesterday i talked to my friend and he said he’d get another couple nights for me here since they’re still getting settled down in the new house, and he booked another reservation last night. i went to sleep shortly after getting back from the deeksha circle last night and didn’t really worry much about needing to be up in time to be able to shower in the morning. (some of the past week here i’ve been getting in the shower after 9 or at least once not be all ready to leave until 10:30) this morning i woke up with enough time to go downstairs, get breakfast, inquire about the new reservation, shower, get ready, etc and was done by around 8:40 when i started writing this. i went back down to the registration desk on my way out of the hotel to show my id and sign the new paper and i was able to stay in the same room without moving all my stuff. the first night when i got here a week ago, the hotel room was smaller than the one i had originally been shown in the afternoon. i called the front desk and they didn’t have any other rooms available though were able to move me the the larger room in the morning. the room smelled like smoke and i called the front desk and they showed me two of the other larger rooms, one which smelled fresh that i ended up picking.
after typing all this and something else, i noticed it was a few minutes after 9 though figured the water might still be on. i was able to use the bathroom at the hotel rather than wait until i went to my friend’s office, even though they said it’d be shut off by 9.
yesterday i had written about a miracle in getting one of the raspberry pi micro-computers working at my friend’s office. i remembered that the day before i had another miracle in upgrading the hard drive on one of the imac’s here at the office. i had upgraded the first computer last week and it went well, which was a miracle, and this one went a little more smoothly essentially repeating the whole process. after i had put it back together and was booting up into the recovery mode to restore the operating system software, i put all of the tools, anti-static mat, band, etc. away figuring it was done. when it got into the recovery mode, i don’t remember what happened, perhaps i hit a key or something at some point before it actually began the installation process, the screen went blank and showed an error icon, either the blinking question mark in the folder or drive or something.. i really didn’t want to have to take the whole thing apart just to get to the hard disk. i turned it off and back on again, hit the key sequence to go into the recovery mode and waited. it got to the menu and i was able to format the drive and install the OS and then easily restore all of the data and application files from the backup. another simple miracle in how it didn’t make sense or didn’t look like it was going to work and then it did. being able to restore the data and application files and encrypt the drive was a bit of a miracle on the first one last week as at first it didn’t work but then i thought of temporarily restoring the OS so it would create the necessary partition setup, and then restoring the backup. often a ‘bug’ or something that’s not working has a simple solution or workaround, a miracle hiding, waiting to be experienced.
sometimes we might not think all the little pieces can come together or we might just get caught up in the thinking or emotions or resistance of experiencing (or thinking we might experience) something we don’t prefer, though when we surrender to the moment and expect miracles (or simply expect things to work out), everything will flow naturally and effortlessly in our favor. experiencing miracles is as simple as shifting our perspective. embrace them and they will become a part of our everyday life.
a mini miracle today.. i was getting tired working at my friend’s office and had thought of going to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things before heading up to my hotel room. part of me was thinking i don’t need to and could just go tomorrow. though i had also thought of going to the park right up the road too. a little bit later, i noticed the light was getting to be very nice as […]
i was listening to a couple audiobooks by Robert Holden recently. while the topics may seem general or simple, like being about love or happiness, there is a subtle profoundness to be experienced in what he is saying. some of what he mentions is really coming from higher awareness and, yes it can be applied to love or happiness, though it can also be applied to any aspect of life, and will lead to peace, higher awareness, and freedom.
i’d recommend checking his books or audios out. he’s one of the authors that will be featured in the Hay House World Summit, the world’s largest health and wellness event (which is starting very soon). there’ll be 100 free audio programs and 16 free movies/videos you can watch during it from many experts and authors. click here to check it out
(a response to my friend Larry to an email/article he forwarded to me)
“I figure it out as I go.”
that’s usually what i do in my creative or technical process…. though i let the big things that i think of as important work differently.. i try to over-think them and know all the details and answers ahead of time rather than just let it all unfold and only figure out the little pieces as i go.. i could ramble on much more about this.. and how this is allowing the divine/universe to bring exactly what we need at any point in time and just what we need, nothing more, nothing less.. we don’t need to know all the answers ahead of time :) i’m just about ready to order my van. actually am waiting now on the dealers to get me quotes so i can place the order. i will go check a couple things tomorrow to make sure i want all the options i’ve picked, but other than that i’m ready to roll. it’s exciting! i even see how everything is unfolding perfectly.. the other day, out of nowhere, a friend of mine who i met in chicagoland wrote me saying she’s in georgia, just over the florida border, and thinking of moving there and wants to collaborate to build a sustainable community. a couple days after that, i run into my neighbors when getting back home (who i usually don’t see or run into that often), and they say they’re looking to buy a home (they’re renting the unit downstairs) and they may want something bigger than my unit but their son might want it. it’s crazy how it can all come together so smoothly and effortlessly when we’re in the flow :) this is how life should really happen. and just like how i’m writing this to you. thank you for the inspiration. i wanted to type up and share the “miracles” that unfolded the other days but didn’t, and now i see how responding to what you wrote me was exactly what i needed to share them and type them up. thank you! life can really flow like this and all the time, if we allow ourselves to live life like this. we need not get stuck in the things we’re resisting or not wanting. let go, let it flow. i don’t know exactly what everything will look like in selling mostly everything and living out of a van, though i’m sure it’ll be a fun adventure. part of me was over-thinking it and thinking how much money i’d essentially lose selling a car i just bought 2.5 years ago (after selling my truck after around the same amount of time of owning it and losing a whole lot on it), but hanging onto what we might have now just because of some fear of losing out while not fully enjoying all aspects of it or holding ourselves back from something even better is no way to live. so it’s time. time to let go and be free. and allow this amazingly beautiful life to unfold before us, and flow through us in new expressions and enjoyment and consciousness.
thank you Larry, gonna post this on my website/journal!
six weeks ago today, in a less-than-brilliant moment, i decided to walk across a concrete barrier/dam at the edge of a retention pond in a local park. it appeared that the water was barely going over the top of the concrete and was really only flowing a bit in the middle. i took a step forward on to it and the next thing i knew, i was falling down. i hadn’t thought about the possibility of the ledge being quite slippery. apparently that part of the ledge was darker because there were some really slippery plants or algae growing on it. on the way down, i felt my right hand let go of the tripod that was holding my camera on it. i thought to myself something like “really?” the camera was not waterproof nor water resistant, and i had it custom modified to photograph infrared light. the modification cost much more than the camera itself and it likely wouldn’t be covered by a warranty once the repair shop saw it was altered (let alone if they saw it had water damage). i landed on my butt on the ledge. it was a bit of a miracle (or divine grace or simple luck as some may call it) that i didn’t fall into the pond or slip in a way that i hit my head. i did have a few cuts that were bleeding a little but it wasn’t that bad. my phone in my pocket and keys in the other pocket didn’t fall out or get splashed (i was lucky as i had damaged my previous phone simply by using it with wet hands while using its flashlight to try to find a camera that fell into the gulf early last year). realizing i was okay, i placed my keys and phone on the ledge to avoid any further loss when rescuing the camera out of the pond. i didn’t see exactly where it had landed as i was looking forward while it went flying to my side or behind me. thinking of it, i don’t remember if i even was looking at that point.. all i remember was in that moment knowing i was falling, feeling the camera let go and hearing it go into the water (and thinking really god?), and then realizing i was on the ledge wet. i must’ve completely surrendered to the moment as soon as i realized i was falling and couldn’t do anything about it.
the tripod and camera were completely underwater and i couldn’t see them from where i was. the water was very dark and i didn’t know how deep the pond was. when i reached into the water in the direction i thought it might be, my hand quickly found the tripod and i lifted it out of the water. apparently it wasn’t that deep or the tripod landed in a manner that i was able to reach it. i’m glad i didn’t have to dive in to try to find it. i pulled out the battery and memory card and let it sit in the sun. i then (much more carefully) made my way across the ledge to retrieve one of my sandals that had floated away when i fell. my shorts were soaked and i didn’t have a towel in the car so i waited a while in hopes they’d dry out in the sun. i removed the lens from the camera and changed its position while waiting to hopefully dry it out as much as possible. while sitting there not knowing how i was going to drive home without getting my front seat wet, the idea came to me of emptying out my messenger bag and just sitting on that. while not as ideal as a towel, i thought it could work and i ended up dropping my shorts as they were still very wet and sitting in my boxers on the bag. i wondered if anyone would see me but stopped worrying a little sometime during the drive and focused more on that. luckily, it wasn’t that long of a drive home though the shorts lowered around my legs probably made driving and working the clutch a little more challenging (can’t remember exactly at the moment). it was also good that none of the neighbors were out when i was getting out of my car in the parking lot at my condo. after making it home, i probably showered as i didn’t know how clean the water in the retention pond was as there was a water treatment plant nearby and i wondered if that was where the water was coming from as the ponds seemed to be man-made (it didn’t smell bad like it was sewage water though i still wondered).
that evening, i went to help my friend michael at the flowering heart center in clearwater with something on his website before the weekly satsang. when i got out of the car to go inside, my back really hurt just getting up. later that night and the next day, the body was hurting a good bit. i decided to take it easy and try to rest that following day. i had left the 528hz miracle tone playing on my computer (i may have left it playing overnight, and had it playing in the background during the day). sometime that afternoon i realized that i was feeling better and 90% of the pain was gone. i don’t remember exactly when, maybe a couple or few days later, all the pain was completely gone. the scrapes and cuts healed soon after. i can still see a little bit of where one of the cuts was on my arm, though it feels smooth and pretty normal.
after the memory card was dry, i downloaded all my images without a problem. over the past few weeks i left the camera sitting so it could completely dry out. for the first few days or week, i had it in the glovebox of my car thinking the heat of the car could help dry it out. most of the time after that, it was sitting in the sun in a plastic zip-lock bag with silica gels in my condo. i would move it or flip it every so often. i did pull the camera out of the bag at one point after the first week or two to dry out the silica gel and bag in the oven. the bag had melted to itself and ended up with a few small holes in it when i tried to pull it apart, though i still put the camera back in with the silica gels (probably the next day). during the last couple weeks, i almost forgot about it when i left it on the windowsill where it’d get the sun during a good part of the day. the other night, i turned on my oven to 170 degrees, the lowest temperature i could set it to, and then turned it off as soon as it beeped that it was up to temperature. i opened it up for a little bit to let some heat escape, and then placed my camera on a paper towel on top of an oven mitt, along with the lens (that had just sat in my office, sometimes in the sun, sometimes not). i checked it a couple or few times after putting it in, opening the oven door for a little bit to let some heat go out to make sure i wouldn’t melt anything inside, and then left it there overnight. the day after, i pulled it out and left it in the sun in my office for a day or two.
yesterday, not really knowing if it’d work or not, i popped in the battery and turned it on. it was asking for the date like it did when i first got it. the screen looked normal and it was working. i set the date and went through the menus to see that it appeared to have remembered all the other settings i had previously set. i grabbed a lens to test it, and saw that the camera appeared to be working totally fine even before i focused the lens. i inserted a memory card and it saved a couple photos like normal. when i played them back, it was showing them as vertical when they were shot horizontally. perhaps the orientation sensor wasn’t working, though if that’s the only loss, i could deal with having to correct the rotation of images on the computer (and who knows, it might start working eventually.. for now, i adjusted the setting so the camera doesn’t automatically rotate the images upon playback). it does appear that the infrared-pass filter (that was installed in front of the sensor where the ir-cut filter typically is) could be cleaned, though again, if cleaning the sensor is really all it needs, that’s no big deal (and its still functional shooting at wider apertures where the dust or watermarks don’t really affect the picture so much). i really didn’t know if i was going to have completely lost the camera or have to pay a lot of money to repair it (or maybe just use the gopro camera i converted to infrared instead, or convert my older mirrorless camera myself rather than pay a lot for the professional conversion again), though i am grateful i don’t have to worry about any of that. i tested the lens and it works totally fine too (and it’s an autofocus lens with a power zoom mechanism so has more electronics and moving parts than most of my lenses). the lens may need to be cleaned a little but i didn’t notice the watermarks affecting the picture quality in the quick test shots i took yesterday. (i wasn’t worried at all about the lens and was willing to accept that it died if the camera would’ve worked, though am glad both are working)
another thing that worked out is that the new wide angle lens i recently got appears to work with the infrared-modified camera. a lot of lenses often have ‘hot’ spots appear in the center of the image as they’re not designed to photograph in the infrared spectrum of light. it looks like this one may have a little bit of a hot spot that’s more noticeable if i stop it down, though it’s not as noticeable at wider apertures. and it’s definitely far less noticeable than the previous wide angle lens i was using before i decided to get this new replacement lens. i primarily got this lens for star-lapses and use on my regular color camera as it’s faster and easier to focus in low light. it’s an added bonus that i can also use it for infrared photography when i wasn’t expecting to be able to (as i recall seeing it on a list of lenses that don’t work for infrared).
always remember to look for the good in life. even when things don’t happen the way you want them to, they still can work out. falling into the pond, thinking i may have just destroyed an expensive camera, and feeling physical pain were not exactly what i wanted to experience, though i surrendered and accepted it, and inside, i truly believed it was possible that the camera would be totally fine and it was. when we believe something can happen, we open the door for the universe to present us with that possibility. i realize not everyone may believe that the world is a product of their beliefs, thinking, or perception, nor have faith that a higher power can work miracles, though even to the skeptic, over-analytical, or scientific mind, just think of the possibility that the camera and lens were only immersed underwater for around a minute or so (or maybe less, i didn’t sit there counting the time) and that water may not have found its way into the most critical components of the camera, or even if it did, it may not have been that dirty and by pulling out the battery quickly, not much electricity may have run through it to short out in that brief time and all it needed was to dry completely. being open to the possibility that something can happen, regardless of if you believe its happening because of something scientific or spiritual, allows for that possibility to unfold in your experience of life.
sometimes the best thing we can do is simply relax, accept/surrender/allow, and forget about what happened so the mind doesn’t take us somewhere we don’t want to go. had i been worried or resisting the whole situation, who knows what would’ve happened.. the physical pain may have lasted longer and who knows if the camera would’ve worked or not. i had the thought cross my mind that maybe i should’ve put the camera in the oven closer to when it first happened to try to get out any water and moisture that may be inside, though i didn’t worry about it and just trusted that it’d be okay. i also began to accept the possibility that maybe i wouldn’t have it and would have to shoot with my infrared gopro camera or not at all.. i became detached from the outcome. this became easier as i was starting to see myself too engulfed by my photography and began thinking maybe i should quit or stop altogether. perhaps that’s part of what manifested the camera falling in the water. i thought that when it happened though then thought okay, i don’t really want to lose the camera as being the reason i have to quit. it was funny as just a minute or two before i decided to walk across the concrete edge/dam, i was getting tired of shooting the long video clips. had i followed the feeling of not wanting to photograph any more at that time, it wouldn’t have happened. instead, i followed the mind thinking maybe i should stay a little longer which took me into the water. [it’s funny seeing how i just wrote that and how that ties right in to how i started this paragraph.. i added these last few sentences later and wasn’t really thinking about where it was going and i just realized that i was guided to tie it all together.. that’s the beauty of learning to live through feeling, flow, or the heart rather than living through the thoughts of the mind all the time… and it looks like this that i just wrote ties in to the next sentence too (which i had previously written).. its brilliant how the divine flows like that!] as i’ve learned to shift my perspectives on life and what’s happening (especially the parts i don’t like so much), i’ve learned to trust that the divine is guiding me and everything is working out exactly as it should. i’ve learned to stop trying to force things to work out or make them happen, and just try and know they will happen (or something better will). it’s a far simpler approach and allows you to enjoy life along the way much more. yes, there still is ‘doing’, though the more time we spend ‘being’, the more we open ourselves up to be able to experience the true beauty this life has to offer. life truly is a magical experience if we open ourselves up to experience it as such. the more i relax and trust, the more i can see this. i’ve had unexpected moments recently where i just felt much more peaceful, relaxed, or have felt the presence of divine / unconditional love or something beautiful yet difficult to describe in words. i wasn’t trying to create these feelings.. they just presented themselves to me in this journey. it feels like part of it happens from this whole process i’ve been describing of letting go, trusting, surrendering, etc, etc.. it opens us up to flow with life more or for life to flow through us more. we get back on track, in tune, and things work out much more simply or effortlessly, and we live more fully in the present.
so what can we do to embrace life more fully in this manner? it’s best not to try to ‘do’ anything, though if we do want to something, spend time looking at your life internally. go deep within and look at the beliefs and stories you’ve made up about life. see that’s all they are: beliefs and stories that were made up (or told to you by someone else and you took them on). and decide to let them go if they’re no longer serving you. as we bring to light and become aware of these aspects of ourselves that may be unconscious, we can then deliberately decide whether we want to keep this as part of our consciousness or not. if it’s something that no longer serves us, we simply fully experience it and let it go. the more we let go, or forget, the more room we open up for whatever we do want in life, or for whatever is already there waiting for us (but unable to arrive because we’re so full of the past self-limiting beliefs or pre-conceived notions). all we have to do is shift our energy/consciousness in order to see changes in our physical and mental reality. the mind likes to keep track of things and remember, though this remembering does not serve us. this keeping track eats up our attention and prevents us from experiencing new things in life or simply being fully present and alive in the here and now. forgetting can be handy in the physical world too.. i had forgotten about some fruit i had purchased that i left in the fridge and have been eating the remainder of it the last couple/few days. today, just before writing the last couple paragraphs, i ate the last mango i had. it was much softer and more ripe than the previous ones and it tasted so much better and sweeter. had i been thinking too much about making sure i eat all of it before it goes bad, i would’ve had it sooner and wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy it as much as i did. it was the best conventional mango i’ve had out of all the ones i got in the recent weeks. perhaps that wasn’t the best example or didn’t exactly fit in here, though i wanted to share how good it was :) getting back to looking at the limiting beliefs, it’d be good to really look at every single aspect of your life and every single aspect of how you perceive life itself, and observe where it all comes from and see/realize how these beliefs/perspectives are really altering and creating your perception of this reality. you could get lost in this so you don’t need to spend every single moment doing this, though it’d be helpful to do as often as you feel helpful. if you’re feeling stuck or that life is not flowing like it could, then it’d be helpful to spend a good bit of time engaging in the inner work so you can work through whatever blocks are there. if your life is okay or even going well but you’re still feeling a little bored or like there could be something more fulfilling in life, then that’s another time to dive into your consciousness and discover what may be lurking within. other things to ‘do’ in this journey would be to simply do what inspires you and what you feel driven or called to do.. there’s a reason you feel so passionate about something, so follow it and see where it takes you. it could be a lifelong adventure or it could be something short-lived that takes you to something else. whatever it is is fine.. it’s taking you one step further along your journey so embrace it. life is a never-ending process. if we feel too stagnant, then that’s when we begin to feel stuck or feelings and thoughts that don’t serve us may begin to linger. if we regularly shift how we’re feeling, what we’re doing, or how we’re perceiving life, we can continue to grow, evolve, and expand, and can bring about great change not just in our own lives but also in the lives of others and of the earth. if we already are following our passions and inspiration, then it’s also good to take time to just relax, meditate, or go to nature, and ground ourselves back here on earth in the present moment. this balance of engaging with our inspiration or higher calling/purpose and of simply being will help us along the journey so our energy isn’t just entirely focused on the same thing all the time. it will open us up for new possibilities and growth if we make subtle changes, even if its as simple as changing the time of day you do things or the order you do things in.
life can really be simple if we allow it to be. finding peace is as simple as learning to shift our own perceptions of life. creating peace in the world is as simple as practicing this and sharing this with others. the more of us that discover and create inner peace, the more quickly we’ll see peace manifest and unfold in the outer world. the beautiful world we desire is closer than we think.
i think one of the things i really liked about doing really long exposures or time-lapses at night was being present. sitting, waiting for the camera to expose the images would give me a lot of time to just be there and experience being there. i recall feeling this sometimes during the day when doing time-lapses and just sitting waiting, or when simply waiting for the sun to set when i would get to the causeway or park early. it was nice to just hang out and be in a natural place without thinking i needed to photograph every single moment. it’s so much better to create when feeling inspired rather than trying to force it when wanting to do a specific project. being somewhere at night is nice as its cooler and there’s usually not very much light in the natural places i go to (or even in places that are more well lit), so it’s easier to relax and focus on what i do see. perhaps a part of it is that its also quieter with less people out. i’m not sure all the exact specifics.. i should stop trying to figure it out. it’s all about just relaxing and being in the moment. i’ve experienced this perception even when walking on a bright sunny day, so it’s not all about the external conditions.. it’s about the internal feeling. the external environment can help one feel a certain way, though one can shift how one feels regardless of any external conditions.. it might take a little more effort and work if one is resisting a lot of what one is feeling or experiencing in the world, though it can be done. i’m glad i came out here to do this shot tonight. i felt inspired earlier to do so when i was laying in the grass. it’s not the most exciting shot though i’ll put it with other ones i shoot in a time-lapse and i’m sure it’ll add to the interest of it.
i think what i’m enjoying most about my experience today going to lay on the grass and coming out here is that its bringing me back to aspects of the old me that i had forgotten.. i used to be more spontaneous and free and very often feel inspired to create lots of photographs.. i’d also really embrace the experience of life. somehow over the past couple/few years i strayed away from this. i’ve been wanting to make changes in my life so i could have more fun and enjoy it more again. i think part of the issue i’ve faced was in having my own condo i’ve really felt the struggle to make money to be able to pay for it.. i really don’t like owing anyone anything, especially not when it’s tied to some legal agreement where they could take my home if i didn’t pay. a long time ago, even though i did need money for rent or food or something, i still managed to be free. i was more care free and wasn’t attached to outcome. sometimes i did have less to worry about, less responsibility or concern, though i still sometimes managed to let go of attachment and be free. i think it helped when i either had a group of friends who were easy-going or knew me and appreciated me as i was, or when i had a girlfriend who enjoyed being spontaneous and going on an adventure. one of the most enjoyable aspects of life is just having fun and being in the moment with someone else. it’s something i’ve missed for a long time as i either lost touch with or let go of a lot of people from my past. having nobody and feeling stuck inside a condo that i didn’t fully appreciate really affected me. as i learn to surrender and enjoy my life more, i’ll really be able to embrace wherever i am, regardless of whether or not i’m with someone else or not. yes, it’d certainly be nice to hang out with someone whom i have a meaningful connection with, though i can still appreciate and enjoy my own life.
these recent months (and years) i’ve been so busy working on my photography projects that i haven’t really just sat down and enjoyed life. and as i did the projects and wasn’t really enjoying them for very long after they were complete, it began to feel quite meaningless doing them. when that’s all i was doing, my whole life began to feel meaningless. i really wondered what i was doing with it and often felt lonely and bored. i think sometimes the photo projects were just a means to satisfy that boredom, in an attempt to give my life some meaning or purpose, though it never quite worked as well as it could’ve. it’d only be a very temporary satisfaction.. it’d feel exciting to create a new technique and be out shooting that way, though it quickly lost its excitement after doing it for a little while or completing the project. sometimes it began to feel like work i had to do to complete it and it was no longer fun. i think part of the issue was that i was only going to the same parks and places in the area here. they quickly lost their excitement as it was the same places i was just photographing in new ways. it feels so much more exciting and thrilling to be traveling and exploring someplace new, or some place i hadn’t been to in a while. i know i’m not the only one to experience some of these things and others have written about similar feelings. places and experiences can become mundane if they’re repeated over and over, especially when there is no real purpose or the purpose is only a means or failed attempt to fulfill a deeper longing.
yesterday, or the day before, i deleted thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars worth of ‘success’ audio programs i had purchased when i was attempting to start business a long time ago. i also deleted the majority of audio files i had downloaded or copied off old cds from a very long time ago. it feels good to purge and let go of things i no longer need. we often hang on to things (digital, physical, mental, or emotional) thinking maybe we’ll need them one day or want to experience them again, though if we look at when was the last time we actually used them (or did we ever use them), we’ll realize that the actual likelihood we’d use them is slim to none. i also deleted old video files i either downloaded or copied off dvds. all together, i purged over half a terabyte of data. it’s funny to look at how much time and effort i wasted downloading and copying the data, thinking maybe i’ll need it some day. i think the large majority of what i deleted i never played once. it felt good to let it go, knowing i didn’t need it. i look at even recently how i’ve downloaded some audio programs i’ve found on the web so i would have them for someday rather than just play it online and see if i even like it. most of them i never listened to though knowing i had them made me feel or think i was okay and could just listen to them whenever. however, whenever never came. it wasn’t a beneficial way of looking at it. now, looking at things more from the perspective of the experience, i can choose to see it in a way that i no longer need to have it or hang on to it. and i don’t have to be on the total opposite extreme about it either.. if i end up liking something, i can choose to keep just those things. i recently read an article talking about de-cluttering.. i think they quoted someone and it basically said to look at or hold each thing you have and if it doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it. that’s such a great way to look at it. i don’t need to think about the usability or potential of it.. it’s simply going by the feeling it brings. this can be applied to any aspect of life. rather than overthinking things, simply if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it, and if it does feel good, do it. a friend of mine who’s a transformational coach taught me about living from the ‘feel good’.. it’s simply stepping into the feel good and choosing from that place. it’s much simpler to live from feeling, or the heart, than the mind. the mind can take one in all sorts of directions and often contradict itself, though the heart, soul, and inspiration can guide in a much more effective manner. just like right now.. i wanted to write more and had other areas i wanted to look at, though i’m feeling a little tired and the camera’s been going for long enough to get a decent shot for the time-lapse, so i’m gonna head back home instead of try to force more words out at the moment.
as i was leaving the causeway, the thought of not caring came to mind. by not caring i mean in not being attached to outcome, not worrying so much about the little things, and not caring what others think or expect of you. i used to live more freely from this place of not caring. i didn’t really worry so much about certain things and would just go with the flow or what felt right. i’m sure there was some degree of caring, i don’t remember exactly, it’s been many years now.. though at some point i just got to not care or worry so much and would just enjoy the moment and the experience of life. lately i see how i’ve been trying to control things by wanting things to be a certain way or making things happen a certain way or whatnot.. this hasn’t served me as i’ve only put limitations on myself by doing so. i could write about lots of examples that i was thinking on my drive home, though i won’t go into them all as i’m not feeling them right now. as i surrender attachment to outcome or needing things to be a certain way (or seeking perfection in a sense), i’ll be able to flow more with life. trusting things are going to work out works a lot better than trying to force things to go a certain way. it’s much less stressful to let the universe handle everything rather than take it all into your own hands. the more you do this, the more you’ll see it just naturally works out anyhow (and all that time and energy you wasted was of your own making and truly unnecessary).
it feels good to just be in the moment. i’m sitting here in my condo and realizing this is okay right now. it may not be perfect though right now in this moment it’s okay. learning to relax and take it easy makes a huge difference in life. you don’t need to make everything so difficult. take time for yourself and enjoy the experience. relax. love life.
reflecting on a few recent miracles..
one miracle i wrote about recently was feeling motivated/inspired to work on the life on the road films i shot back in 2012 and never completed.. in the past 2.5 weeks i’ve been able to crank through more of them than i had when i first started working on them 2-3 years ago. today i was able to start and finish one with nearly the most number of shots. going through the 600+ shots didn’t take as long i was estimating. it was a little slow in the beginning though picked up quickly. these past few days i’ve been asking for divine grace to help me make the edits needed rather than struggling with needing to control it and make it perfect. i’m almost done with another video that’s rendering now (#56). it’s a miracle i’m moving quickly since yesterday, as i was stuck on day #50 from thursday night through sunday morning.. the adobe software kept crashing and i had to keep trying different workarounds to make it through and it dragged on for so long. i had to surrender and accept what was happening (after getting mad in the beginning when it seemed to be crashing for no reason). the editing process has also gotten simpler as i’ve allowed myself to feel the grace and accept the videos aren’t perfect. more than once i’ve left in things that i could change or tweak (mostly because i didn’t want to wait hours for it to render again, but also because i’ve been shifting my perspective on them). these past weeks have been a bit long and i’ve barely done anything other than sit in front of the computer, though i’m grateful how much progress i’m making on completing the films.
earlier this afternoon when i was waiting 2.5 hours for the second/final render of the video of day 55, i had plenty of time to shower and run a couple errands. i went to open up a couple new bank accounts as i received an offer in the mail that had a nice bonus for opening up the accounts. when opening up the accounts, i found out i needed $25 to open up each of the accounts and i had only brought $25 for one of the accounts as i thought i could transfer the money over for the other account as per what the offer stated in the fine print and what i was told when i called. i asked if the transfer i was planning on doing would work though was told they really wanted the money at the time of opening. i accepted that i was going to have to make another trip to the bank, and it might be the next day as my normal bank closed early and i don’t carry my atm card with me (and i was planning my errands around the time i had to wait for the videos to render and didn’t want to waste more time). i left the bank and got in my car and saw it was only 3:55.. my normal bank closed at 4 (and i was thinking it was after 4 already and wasn’t rushing like i would’ve been had i known i was cutting it so close). i left and headed down the road to my regular bank and didn’t get stuck at the couple lights on the way. i made it there in only 2 minutes and ran inside and was able to withdraw the funds. i headed back to the new bank and then went to whole foods to pick up a couple things on sale. i got home and the file was just about done rendering. it was a miracle how it all worked out in perfect timing so that i didn’t have to make another trip nor lose any time that i could’ve been working on the videos.
perhaps the nicest miracle is that every so often (and recently while working on the videos) i’ve been feeling a feeling that i could describe as being satisfied or relaxed or peaceful or love. as i was typing the last sentence, causeless love/joy came to mind. it feels natural or simple, almost like it’s who we really are as the layers covering it up dissolve. i’m not sure if it’s from freeing all this attention/energy when making progress on these videos and getting them off my plate, or if it’s from growth in my journey. perhaps both. it doesn’t really matter exactly what it is or how it happened. i’m grateful for it and for moving into a place of allowing. it’s much simpler than struggling or trying or any of that sort of thing the mind likes to do. i may not be perfect or always feeling it though i know the resistance will continue to fade away as i expand and evolve and transform.
i took a little nap after writing what i did in the previous post and it ended up being a couple hours. so i want to continue to explore more aspects of what i was examining before, about why i want what i want. i think the whole traveling idea comes down to freedom. i want to feel like going somewhere and be able to do so easily. in a van or with my truck camper, i’d be able to […]
today i experienced a few nice miracles.. after trying to sell my old laptop for over half a year, i finally got an offer i accepted a few days ago. i hadn’t received payment and was still a little skeptical i would actually sell it, though i got a message late this morning that he’d be sending payment soon. it was perfect timing as i had a few other things i had sold that i was about ready to ship and was going to be meeting my sister shortly at my parent’s house to work on her computer that i was helping her sell. i wasn’t sure if i was going to make it in time though to the local ups store as the mail pickup was going to be right around the time i’d be receiving payment if i waited too long. i went over to my folks’ house and brought the boxes with me. after experiencing some issues with the cheap packing tape not working properly in the tape holder (and breaking into small pieces) as i attempted to seal the boxes, i got everything packed up and ready to go. i went online to check if i had received payment for my computer and saw the funds had arrived. as i was on the computer i heard my mom or sister say that the mailman had just passed by. i grabbed the boxes and ran outside to see if i could catch him to give him the packages. carrying a few boxes, i didn’t want to run and as i was halfway towards him i figured i might not catch up (or it’d be a good ways until i did), so i turned back and headed towards the house and waited a few minutes for him to come back down the other side of the street. i gave him the boxes and didn’t have to worry about missing the pick-up time at the ups store or making a longer trip over to the post office.
back at the computer, i prepared the package for my old laptop that had sold and worked on my sister’s computer. i also saw that i had received an unexpected offer for something else. i don’t recall if this was before i ran out to give the boxes to the mailman or after. i had written back asking to split the difference between the offer and what i was asking, and didn’t necessarily expect it to sell at that price as most times i’ve done that, i haven’t heard back or have received another lower offer. though when i first noticed i had an offer, i figured i should respond to it then rather than wait so i could print out the label for it if it did sell. i also saw that i had gotten another payment for one of the small things that i was waiting payment for. this morning when i woke up i hadn’t received most of the payments and figured i’d have to be making multiple trips to drop everything off as i got paid. shortly after i sent the offer back, i noticed a new message and saw that it said i had received payment for what i had just sent the offer back for. it was exciting to see all of these things selling and funds coming my way. i’m now only waiting on one more small payment (and payment for whatever else unexpectedly sells). the pile i have of stuff to sell is so much smaller now than it was not long ago. i had sold a few smaller things not long ago after i got back from chicago and hadn’t transferred those funds over yet. i was waiting for a little more to sell before doing so. it was nice to unexpectedly get the offer today as i was working on preparing the things that had sold, so i could transfer all of those funds at once rather than wait until i sold more a little later. between what i just sold this weekend and the bit i had sold in recent weeks, i received more than i have most months this year working for my friend. now by no means is this a lot of money (as i’ve been paid very little by my friend this year), though i’m very grateful for the abundance that does flow into my life (especially when it’s a nice unexpected surprise). the most exciting part of this is that as soon as the funds transfer i will have met the first part of a financial goal i’ve had for a long time. i’ll now have enough in my accounts to be able to pay back all of my debts if i want to. though i won’t do so just yet as i don’t want to be left with nothing in my accounts. i’ll keep a backup and as i continue to receive extra funds that i could save, i can now put those funds towards paying down the debts and then towards my next adventure, whatever that might be.
i did end up having to make a trip to the post office to drop off the unexpected package that had sold, though didn’t mind doing so. i saw dark clouds on the way there and on the way back, though i made it into my condo just before the rain started. i saw a few drops on my windshield as i was almost home and i think i felt one drop as i was walking in. when i got inside, i went to the bathroom for a minute or two, and then i looked out the window and saw that the rain was coming down. and i had a couple obstacles that delayed me a little bit too. i was behind someone for a little bit who’s car must’ve been having issues as she got out to look under the hood or at something in the front. i had thought for a brief moment if i should stop and help or ask if she was okay or needed a push though i was on a business call at the time. less than a minute later as cars were going around me, i saw the lady getting back in the car and driving off. a few minutes later when i got over to the ups store to drop off the computer, i was going to park right in front of the store though saw a sherrif’s office vehicle parked a couple stores up and figured i probably shouldn’t stop in the fire lane even if for less than a minute, so i took a little extra time to go into a parking spot and turn off the car and run into the store. in the store, the first computer the guy was on wasn’t working. and when he went over to another one, it seemed like that was also having an issue or perhaps he was expecting an issue. i quietly changed my energy slightly to be at peace and the computer was working seconds later. i got the receipt and headed home before the rain.
i had woken up earlier than usual this morning as i had gone to sleep early last night while waiting for some parts of a time-lapse video i’m working on to render. i didn’t feel like working on it when i woke up after passing out last night so only checked on it briefly and then went back to sleep. i had had issues with some of the files not rendering properly due to some bug in photoshop. i was a bit frustrated and didn’t want to deal with checking all the frames one at a time when i had woken up in the middle of the night. this morning when i woke up, i found that every single frame had rendered correctly overnight. (and this was after all of them except three rendered incorrectly yesterday) being up early, i was hearing a little noise from the neighbor so i thought i’d put something on to listen to. i had seem some long meditation mantra recordings on my screen, and decided to pick one of those. the one i picked was a powerful wealth mantra. i listened to it for the entire 3 hours and 3 minutes. i even had it on really low in the background as i was making a call to the car insurance company to see if i could get a discount as my renewal was coming up. they didn’t offer my anything right then though told me about a program that could give me a nice discount later on. and i also got some quotes that were quite reasonable for a truck or van i’d been considering. perhaps listening to this mantra helped that unexpected sale come in and helped the payment of my laptop arrive too. i’m grateful and excited for all the abundance that flows into my life and for new doors that are opening for me. and for letting go of what no longer serves me and seeing these old things disappear (be it the things i’m selling, the old emotions or thinking or stories i’m accepting or letting go of, or these old videos that i’m very quickly working through this month). i look forward for what continues to unfold as i continue to let go and learn to surrender to the moment and flow with life.
a few recent little ‘everyday’ miracles.. on Sunday, at the Kundalini workshop at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater, i was helping with the livestream webcast and didn’t really have any expectations set about what or how the class would be. we began with Chakra Dhyana followed by Ananda Mandala and then Shaktipat.. at some point during Ananda Mandala, i started to feel the energy very powerfully. i noticed it running a lot in my hands. i felt inspired and rejuvenated, remembering why i was here, and i saw things coming together in my life in a good way (despite previously resisting aspects of where i was, or feeling overwhelmed or stuck in recent days). before the workshop, the thought had crossed my mind about asking Michael or Suzanne to help me make it through what i was going through, and it happened in the processes without me saying anything to them (and i didn’t even try to do anything either). after the class had finished, i was told that i was so nice and was also told that i was very spiritual (or had good energy). just a couple/few days before, i was feeling lonely, bored, and wondering why i was here. it felt good to know i made (or could make) a difference in others’ lives, and it was really nice to feel the sense of community (and be more in touch with my purpose, growth, etc). afterwards, i went to the beach to see the sunset. i got there a little early and i wasn’t enjoying the bugs that were flying around me in the warm, still air, nor having carried a heavy bag such a long way, though i was at a nice quiet spot past all the houses and the light was nice. i didn’t know what the sky would do that evening, and i was greeted by beautiful colors after the sun went down and got some good photos.
when i got home that evening, i had a number of things i was selling in auction ending that night. i had only seen one item earlier that was going to sell for a little bit though felt excited to have one less box here waiting to sell. when i looked that night, i saw a few things that would sell and i had also gotten an offer from someone to purchase most of the books, cd’s, and dvd’s i had listed. we corresponded back and forth a few times and i’ll be listing a combo package for most of them. they’re selling for less than i would’ve liked, though they are going to a good home in a free library and the pile of boxes i have to sell is starting to dwindle down.
yesterday, i had made a couple trips to my parents’ to print out the shipping labels for the things i sold (as my printer wasn’t working) and also to weigh the box of all the books/cds/dvds to determine the shipping cost. i was starting to run out of packing tape and didn’t really feel like going to the store to get more, and my folks ended up having some there that i could use so i could save myself the trip to the store. the timing for both trips also worked out perfectly with the times my mom was going to be home with her errands. in the early afternoon when i was leaving there the second time, i was going to drop off the packages and take out a bag of recycling. as i was leaving i was thinking about the recycling (since i was going there first), and on my way out i saw the mailman coming down the street, just a couple/few houses away, though i didn’t pay attention until a little later when i was leaving their neighborhood. i realized it’d be simpler to just drop off the boxes with him rather than run to the local store or post office. i made my way back into their neighborhood, and headed down the other side of the road so i could run into him before he was done on their street. i wasn’t seeing him coming for a while and began to wonder where he went or if i’d have to driving the whole neighborhood looking for him. i ended up running into him a few houses past my folks, and then gave the boxes to him and headed to drop off the recycling. while dropping off the recycling, i felt a couple drops of rain, and made it back home without getting wet. i’m not sure which way the clouds went, though had i not been leaving exactly when i did to run into the mailman, i may have gotten wet after dropping off the packages at the post office or postal store.
this morning i was feeling a little tired and wasn’t wanting to go biking (for exercise) right away. as i was waiting for my tea to cool down, i was on the computer and got a message confirming all the books+dvds i’ll be selling, and was checking some accounts to verify bill payments had gone through. something told me to check one of my credit cards that i was waiting on bonus reward points to show up for. i had called not long ago and it sounded like it wasn’t going to be for a few more weeks, though when i went on today to check it, the $200 bonus points had posted. i had submitted an online bill payment from my bank to pay off the balance and now that the points had posted, i wanted to cancel it so i could pay off the balance using the reward points instead. most of the time there’s a link to be able to stop the payment before it goes through, though there wasn’t an option online to do so for this one (as it had gone out as a check rather than electronically). upon calling both my bank and the credit card bank, i was able to stop payment on the check without any fees. it was good that the system didn’t support sending it electronically for this particular payment, as the payment would’ve already cleared if it did and i wouldn’t have been able to cancel it. with the bonus reward points and the few dollars i had already sitting there as points, i was able to pay off the entire balance due and the currently remaining reward points are just over the $25 minimum needed to redeem it, so i can do so without waiting the next time i make another purchase or two on that card. i went biking after all this, and it wasn’t as hot as i was thinking it might get if i waited too long. during the bike ride and when i got home, i felt good and excited seeing all the little pieces coming together as the divine unfolds this chapter of life. i also felt more energetic and was able to make it through the same number of sit-ups more easily than i had done so in previous days.
i know it’s all in divine order and am grateful for seeing all the little miracles / synchronicities show up along the way.
(just as i finished typing this and was copy/pasting it to post on my journal and the miracle groups on facebook, i saw another message from the buyer of the books/dvds who’ll be making the purchase tonight)
for the past couple/few weeks, since i started looking for miracles to share with others, i’ve been noticing little ones almost every day.
this morning i was riding my bike to john chestnut park and had remembered hearing about a kai chi do gathering that was happening there. Kam had written me a few weeks or couple months ago and mentioned it, though i forgot what time he said it was and i didn’t look up if it was still happening or not. i figured it might still be happening, and if it was, i’d join them. i biked in through one of the side entrances and thought maybe it’d be in the big field though i didn’t see anyone there. i biked around the front and as i made my around to head towards the back of the park, i started noticing the signs for it. i then thought maybe it’d over by the little sandy area. as i went around to the very back toward that spot by the lake, i saw another sign though didn’t see a big group anywhere. i looked out in the distance through the trees and noticed a couple/few people and felt that must be it. i circled back around and as i got closer, i heard music playing and then Austin recognized me. Sandra didn’t recognize me at first and later said that my energy had changed. it’s amazing and beautiful to see others notice my energy changing. i didn’t feel a huge difference in myself, though it’s been many months since i’ve been to kai chi do. all the surrendering, letting go, and blessings these past months must be making quite a difference, even though they’ve only seemed more subtle along the way. i recall it being beautiful and really nice to see positive changes in others i hadn’t seen in a while.
the little miracle is the reminder that embracing all aspects of oneself and continuing on this journey can make quite a difference, especially over time. it really does show up in our lives, even if we don’t notice it as a big ah-ha, peak experience, or awakened state (or if we do notice it and forget about it later). the work we do to face ourselves, to do the inner work, and embrace the what is will show up in our lives.
i’ve been noticing this start to show up in my own life recently in the areas of finance and relationships with others. a couple months ago, i found myself with no income as my friend (my main client) stopped paying me for a couple/few weeks. after, or while, working through some of the emotions, i began to look at what my options were, though was feeling i shouldn’t make any big moves such as selling my condo and living out of a van (as i was thinking of as one possible solution). before all of this, i had volunteered to help at the p&g in chicagoland and didn’t know how i would get there without any income (especially as my friend would usually fly me up at some point in the summer to help with the business). i reached out to a couple of other friends i had done a little work for a while back though hadn’t yet requested payment from, and i also sold some things to bring some income in. after a couple/few weeks of not hearing from my friend who stopped paying me, i got a voicemail and email from him about going up to chicagoland to help with the business, and the day he mentioned me going up was the exact same day as the p&g. it was a miracle that it all worked out in perfect divine order.
in the area of relationships with others, i’ve noticed myself starting to open up more these past couple months. i’ve often been very quiet around groups of people, and have found it difficult to approach others to engage in conversation especially after i’ve been quiet for so long. i’ve noticed myself start to talk to and connect with others a little more easily lately. i’m still working on opening up, though know it will get easier as i continue along this path. it’s really beautiful to connect with others and feel a sense of family or community. i’m also feeling a little more comfortable in sharing what i’m going through with others. it’s always been easy to share something i’m feeling good or excited about — when comfortable, i can easily speak with confidence and passion. however, for the longest time, i’ve resisted sharing my hurts or what i’m really going through or things i don’t like about myself unless i knew someone really well. today after kai chi do, i was speaking with Sandra and shared a little of what i was going through. i had only spoken with her a couple times a long while back, though it felt okay to share how i was feeling. with only four of us at the kai chi do circle and me speaking with her off to the side, it was easier to do. i’m grateful for how the divine is unfolding all these little pieces to help me heal, grow, expand, and live the life i desire.
another little miracle i experienced was yesterday when i met a friend who i hadn’t seen in months and did a tarot card reading. at first i resisted doing the reading as i had only done two of them 10+ years ago and both had very bad outcomes. the first was the night before my girlfriend at the time broke up with me, and the second was just before i found out about a significant financial issue i was facing. (i didn’t expect the first, and knew exactly what the second was when my friends read what the cards meant, though i didn’t tell them what it was when they asked what it might be) as i was just typing the bad outcomes, i realized these are both the same areas that i’ve been seeing improvements in my life with that i just wrote about above. in the relationship area, i’ve seen improvements with connecting with others and making friends, and i know i’ll ultimately see this unfold into a romantic relationship with a girl. in the financial area, i just noticed the other day that the first part of a goal i had of being able to pay back loans/debt isn’t as far off as i recently thought it was. anyhow, back to the tarot card reading. i decided to go ahead and do it after chatting briefly with my friend about it. i knew i’d be able to change it if i didn’t like what the cards said, though for a moment i had resisted the outcome. i looked through the cards and saw there were only two really bad ones in the deck and my friend shuffled them. i focused my thoughts/feelings and picked a few cards, and they were all totally fine. they were all speaking about where i was in the moment with these good changes happening in my life (and in the same areas i just mentioned that previously had bad outcomes). my fear of repeating bad past experiences didn’t happen, and things were turning around in the direction i wanted.
i’m grateful for all the little miracles i continue to see in my life, and for the community and satsang at the flowering heart center in clearwater. i’m glad i started going every week i’ve been in town since the middle/end of last summer. i was going through a lot of resistance at the time, and the flowering heart blessing has certainly helped me heal and open up. since then, i’ve realized a lot of what i was making important or spending my time on didn’t really matter, and i’ve begun to surrender and open my heart to what matters so much more in life: love, connection, fun, and community.
(another little miracle is that i didn’t know how this was all going to come together as i slowly started typing it. after looking at what i wrote, it all seems to have been divinely orchestrated as i see how it all makes sense and is related. i was wondering if i was missing some details or telling too many, and it somehow came through all related as aspects of one larger miracle)
back to miracles.. haven’t typed them up in what seems like a little while, though its probably really only been 2-3 days. time can be funny like that. let’s see which ones i can remember. today i experienced one this morning. my friend was renting a car for me to go drive to a lot of his completed job-sites to photograph the homes. we went to go pick it up and i forget exactly what the guys said there, though maybe they asked if the basic car was okay or something. i mentioned something with a moonroof would be preferable if they had it for the same price. they said they had a ford f150 though it costed more. i said it didn’t really matter, anything would be fine (though i wouldn’t have minded the truck.. it felt like it’d be nice when they said they had it). a couple/few minutes later as they were finishing up the rental process, my friend asked how much more the f150 would be, and they said they could do it for the same price, they just had to clean it quickly. we went with it. i waited a little bit for them to clean it, and off i was.
a nice bonus was that it had navigation built right into the touchscreen in the truck. i didn’t even think of this and was figuring i’d have to use the gps on my phone to get around to all the towns. it was much, much nicer not to have to look at the small screen on my phone or figure out how to rig it where i could see it easily while driving or have to be charging it as using gps all day would’ve drained it. it drove nicely and the seat was comfortable (which was helpful while spending around 8 hours driving today). when i would get to a location, i turned off the truck and punched in the next address into the gps to get it ready before taking the photos. at first, it wasn’t remembering the address when i got back in and turned the truck on which wasn’t as helpful. after a few of them, i clicked it a little different to actually start the navigation while the truck was off and then when i would get back in and turn it back on, it would remember. the key fob worked nicely as i could keep it in my pocket and very easily touch the button on the handle to lock it as i was walking out and it would unlock as i placed my hand on the handle to open it. these thing seem quite simple and are becoming more normal in cars, though i likely wouldn’t have had these features if i just got the standard car instead of the free upgrade to the truck. these saved a lot of time and effort when driving to 27 different locations today. the driving and photographs took longer than expected though it went pretty smoothly. there was some traffic though it wasn’t extremely bad, and i was only stopped once by one of the homeowners/residents (and it only took a few seconds to say why i was taking photos and there was no issue).
the moonroof came in handy for a couple of photos in the city where i needed extra height — i thought of standing on the bed of the truck though stood on the seat or center console and shot a couple of times from there. one of the first buildings in the city had a car blocking the view and as i was leaving to go to the next location, something told me to go back and try standing on the bed of the truck or out the moonroof to get a better angle. as i pulled up and parked across the street from it, i saw someone walking out of the home and into the car. i waited a few seconds and the view was clear. i stood out the moonroof and got a much better shot than i did from standing on the curb a couple/few minutes before. it was perfect timing and divine guidance!
after taking all the photographs for today, i went to the loop and wasn’t really feeling like paying for parking and the thought crossed my mind of finding free parking though i didn’t think too much about it. i got down to the loop and was heading south. i was seeing lots of paid parking. i thought something like maybe down one of the side streets a long walk away i’d find free parking. i was already late and didn’t want to walk too much further. after driving just over a block past where i was going, i turned right and saw some signs saying 15 or 30 minute standing zone. the 30 minute zone ended at 7 though was full of cars, and the 15 minute zone ended at 8 and still had some room available. it was around 7:40 or almost 7:45. i drove around the block to see what else i’d find and went back to that spot not finding anything else. i read the sign more carefully and it didn’t have any indication of what happened after 7 or 8 and there were cars parked after 7 in the 30 minute zone. i drove to go check out one other area i noticed someone pulling out of down the block though it ended up being a no parking zone. i came back around to the 15 minute zone and the empty space was still there waiting for me. i pulled in close to the curb and put the flashers on the truck as it was still a few minutes before 8 and walked off. almost 3 hours later when i was heading back to the truck, the mind had a brief thought of what if there was some issue with a ticket or it being towed. i had sent white light to the truck and asked for no issues when i had left it, though still had the thought. i was pretty sure it’d be fine, though asked the divine again for it to be okay, and surrendered to whatever the outcome would be. i turned the corner and saw some flashing lights and thanked the divine. i had wondered if the truck would start having the lights flashing for so long. i figured it’d be okay as it was only the flashers though when i first got in and pushed the start button it didn’t start, though the seat stared to move into position and the screen came on and all. i pushed the button again to turn it off and then again to start it, and it started that time. there was no traffic and i made it from the loop to lombard very quickly, probably was just half an hour.
it’s really nice when everything flows smoothly. it feels like this happens more and more often the more we strengthen our connection to the divine by releasing blocks or resistance that was previously affecting the connection. another little piece of today that worked out nicely was that i saw a sign for an oasis when heading south on the interstate into the city. there was a sign indicating another oasis was 20 miles ahead. i didn’t know how far away i was from the city. i thought that still might be on my way in since i was pretty far north, only around a mile from the wisconsin border. though i felt that it’d be good to stop at this one. i stopped and wasn’t really expecting a great selection of food, though there happened to be a mediterranean or middle-eastern place that had a veggie falafel wrap. after leaving the oasis, there wasn’t another one on the route the gps took me and the beginning of the traffic was shortly afterwards too. it was all in perfect divine order. also, i hadn’t parked the truck that well and wasn’t leaving much room for the car to the right to get out, though i figured i wasn’t going to be but a couple minutes. after going to the bathroom and taking a couple quick shots for a time-lapse video out the oasis windows, i saw the falafel place and it didn’t take that long. when i got back to the truck, the car next to me was still there. i saw someone ahead of me walking in that direction though they kept going further back to the other parking area, so it seems whoever parked there was still inside the oasis and (hopefully) i didn’t affect them by not parking straight in the spot.
it seems life is simply a continuous flow of unfolding miracles when we learn and choose to see it as such.
at my friend’s office, i had set up a bunch of tv screens to act as status screens/boards showing calendars, job statuses, and other data from the custom dashboard system i built for him to run the company. i re-did the technology behind the way they worked and had one screen that had a corrupt memory card. i had tried to fix it yesterday or the day before, though it wasn’t working this morning when i got in. i was trying all sorts of things to get it to work, including using some really old memory cards we still had here and clearing out a card and installing the latest version of the operating system on it. some things had changed in the latest OS and it wasn’t working, so i went back to seeing if one of the old cards would work. i found one that booted though it had the old network settings on it and due to the way it was set up, i wasn’t able to get into it, even with a keyboard physically plugged into it. i came up with a way to hack my way in by modifying a script on the part of the card i had access to via a different computer. i was able to get the latest settings and my newest scripts on it. it seemed to be working though upon rebooting after the update, it was displaying all sorts of error messages.. it appeared that the memory card was corrupted. the cards would sometime get corrupted if the micro computer lost power because the tv was bumped into or the usb power cable was moved by accident. it didn’t make sense that it stopped working on its own this time, as it had rebooted without me physically touching it. i let it sit for a little bit to see what it was doing, and was starting to accept the possibility that i might not be done yet nor have an immediate solution for it (and i was wanting to finish before taking a break). something told me to go unplug the power and plug it back in to restart it. as i was doing so, the thought something along the lines of maybe needing a miracle or it not making sense for it to be the way it was crossed my mind (though i surrendered and wasn’t attached to whether it worked or not by that point). i plugged it back in and it just started to boot up normally. now, after a while, it’s still running properly without any other issues.
open yourself up to miracles and you will see them happen and unfold before your eyes. miracles can be a natural and everyday occurrence if we allow them to be. believe its possible and you’ll experience it. sometimes for me its been more difficult to believe it in the world of technology as i have a lot of experience and knowledge in technology, though allowing for the possibility of a miracle creates the space in which it can occur. this reminds me of when Queenie put the Sri Murti on the computers and mixer at the P&G to keep everything running smoothly, or when i was copying the weekend video from an external hard drive to the laptop.. the file transfer had stopped a couple of times for no apparent reason and when i put my hands around it and sent it energy or white light, it started working again.
it’s really amazing and inspiring how simply miracles can happen when we’re open to them. we don’t even need any big ritual or anything.. just know its possible, or connect with the presence and ask for it, and it will happen. often the mind wants to make things difficult in life by thinking it needs to struggle or try hard to make something happen. life can be much more effortless when we allow for help from the divine. we don’t have to do everything ourselves. miracles can be a very natural part of life. and it doesn’t have to make sense how something strange happened.
monday i went to the store with my friend to help him carry a large toolchest he was purchasing. he had paid and we were waiting for them to get a forklift to take it off the shelves. it had been a little while and we were walking around the store looking at other things. something brought us down to one of the end aisles. after looking at something there, we walked a few feet and right there on one of the flat carts was the toolchest waiting for us. no one had come to find us to tell us it was ready and we didn’t hear the forklift running. it seemed a bit strange at the moment.. perhaps they got it from somewhere else or something, though it didn’t really matter. we were ready to go and it was there waiting for us. the cashier saw us coming towards the exit and told us we were all set and we left.
on saturday afternoon, after i was helping my friend move for a couple of days, i took a shower and it was a miracle that i really wasn’t feeling sore (nor really tired) afterwards. i had woken up that morning feeling a bit sore though at dinner afterwards i realized it was gone and i wasn’t feeling it at all.
simple miracles can happen every day. look for them and you’ll continue to find them.
this weekend at the p&g we were encouraged to share miracles with others. tonight at the flowering heart center in downer’s grove, we each shared a miracle we experienced today or recently. i wasn’t sure about sharing the little miracle i experienced but after i did others seemed to be inspired by it, so i’ve recorded more of the details here. it’s probably a little bit scatterred as i tried to remember exactly what happened. it’s funny how the details can get lost later compared to when we’re living and feeling and experiencing it in the moment.
in the audio recording, i forgot to say that after i made it back to my friend’s office, i got back right at the very same time someone who worked for him was at the office. i had connected with him on the phone a few weeks ago sharing some spiritual perspectives and we had a good conversation. today when we both ‘randomly’ showed up at the same time, he was surprised to see me there, not knowing i was going to be in town. i also found out he no longer worked for my friend. he said he was interested in going to the flowering heart center and couldn’t make it tonight but said he could go wednesday and meet beforehand. we may have never seen each other during the few weeks i’m up here if the divine hadn’t worked out everything for us to both show up there at the same exact time.
i also forgot to mention that when i did hit the gas to start the van, it didn’t idle and stalled right away. the next time we got it started, i had to hold the gas pedal down for a couple minutes just to keep it running. it wasn’t looking too good for the van being able to go anywhere, though the divine wanted it to all work out and it did. sometimes we just gotta let go, surrender, and trust that a higher power is orchestrating all of the pieces and know that it’s all in perfect, divine order. it was beautiful to hear the miracles that others in the community had experienced.
i highly recommend the classes at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater. the one today “Altering Destiny” had a powerful process. i experienced healing and feeling how beautiful the future world is going to be. it felt pretty incredible knowing the direction we’re heading. i noticed a subtle shift in my perception afterwards as others and the room felt and appeared a bit different. i’ve also seen it get a little easier and more natural for me to connect with others recently. it’s quite amazing how the world around us can transform by simply doing the inner work and asking for the divine to help. here’s a link to the class if you want to check it out or take it online: floweringheart.org/Destiny.htm
recently i started watching livestreams of speeches author Marianne Williamson gives weekly. the one from last night was pretty good, a lot of it was political, though she spoke a bit about what we can all do to help make change in the world. here’s a link to it: livestream.com/accounts/11464019/events/6590930 most of her livestream links usually disappear a couple days after the event — if you want to watch future ones, you can sign up for them (for free) at her website: marianne.com if you want to see one before then, there is one from a few weeks ago that is still online: livestream.com/accounts/11464019/events/6336347
i also recently watched a video by Matt Kahn speaking about The Love Revolution that had great energy. here’s a link to it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFS84Jp1qfc
one last thing i’d like to share is an article by Charles Eisenstein i saw the other day: newandancientstory.net/this-is-how-war-begins/
i hope you find these perspectives helpful in a time when so many of us are divided
how beautiful it was to simply lay in the grass for a short while on this sunny day. it was cooler today than it has been lately. in the shade, 71 degrees felt a little cold though after walking for a little bit to the lake nearby, it felt nice to just lay down in the sun. at first i thought i’d just walk around the lake or partially around and sit on a bench and then go back home. something told me to go to the grass. it was subtle, though my attention was drawn to it, almost like it was calling to me. at first i resisted, then decided sure, why not. i let go of thinking of what others might think of me just laying down there and just surrendered into the moment. looking up at the deep blue sky, i felt more present and relaxed. a couple bugs landed on me though i didn’t let them bother me too much and then they went away after a bit. the energy of the the brilliant sun and earth below me was grounding. i felt better than i did earlier sitting inside my condo bored trying to think of what to do or resisting being there. something so simple can be so energizing. i feel rejuvenated. just walking toward the pond i felt a little more present or relaxed as i noticed the trees around me and wasn’t thinking so much. relaxing and being present is one of the most beneficial things one can do in life. remember to take some time for yourself to simply be present and do something that calms you. while staring up at the bright blue sky above, i began to see little bits of something in the air.. i had experienced this long before. it felt like i was seeing little bits of energy moving about. i also noticed the little bugs in the air though when i focused in a certain way and noticed the energy, it felt different. it was like it was in a slightly different dimension or plane or something. while laying there i got the idea of driving down to the causeway to shoot a time-lapse of the stars tonight. i had thought of that earlier though wasn’t quite feeling it and was thinking maybe i can do that later as i’ve been shooting footage to create monthly time-lapses and this wasn’t a new month yet and i had also thought of maybe wanting to post still images to instagram of some of the shots along the way.. when you let go of the mind and it’s overthinking or needing things to be a certain way, things flow much more simply. while laying there, i felt like it’d be good to go tonight. i don’t need to wait, and it’d be good to just hang out there while the camera is running and see how cool it gets or how it is to hang out there for a while at night (as i’ve thought of doing van-life next year, and perhaps selling my condo as i may not be able to park it here and living out of the van for a while, and it’d be good to feel what it’d be like to spend more time in nature). so much of the time i spend in nature is usually doing something.. either riding my bike mostly for exercise or walking around to photograph. it was nice to just be present and just be, rather than have to do. it was so calming. it reminded me of how i would sometimes be in the past, though i had lately been so caught up in needing to do. simply being or feeling is so much better than always doing. i looked up at the tree near me and thought what if i wanted to photograph it because it felt so nice and i wanted to capture the moment.. then i thought i could carry a camera and just photograph when i feel inspired but not feel the need to do so all the time, and i also thought i could simply just be and enjoy it without photographing it. there’s no need to capture everything. sometimes it feels like it comes out of the fear of what if that moment never comes again or something like that, though living from a place of being, beautiful moments will always unfold. then the mind also thinks what about wanting to share this beautiful experience with someone else.. but then i could see how many thousands of beautiful images i’ve already created and realize i don’t necessarily need any more. shift how you see aspects of your everyday life, and you’ll see how beautiful the world becomes as you transform. this whole illusion really is a mere byproduct of what we’re feeling.. if we’re not liking our experience or want to change it, all we simply need to do is change our perspective and our perception of it will change what we’re seeing. and sometimes all we need is to take a walk out to nature and fully embrace it and allow ourselves to relax so we can really experience being there rather than thinking or feeling other things we may have been going through. oh, and i almost forgot to add that the whole walk to the lake nearby was inspired.. i walked to get the mail and wasn’t thinking i’d go out to the lake. after checking the mail, i felt like going for a walk to the edge of the pond and followed that feeling. i hadn’t locked the deadbolt on my door though quickly forgot about that and didn’t let that bother me as i thought i’d only be gone for a minute, though when i got there, feeling how nice it was but not knowing what to do, i thought maybe i’d walk around or to the bench on the other side or something.. as i started to make my way around the lake, i then was drawn to the grass after noticing how beautiful it was out and calm i was being out there. simple exploring is so fun and calming. and inspiration is always there for us if we choose to tune into it.
an interesting experience i had recently while working on the life on the road films was that i started to lose my sense of time and place.. after staring at the screen practically all day and watching the video clips of my trip out west, i almost began to forget what time of day or day of week it was.. perhaps even what time of year it was, i don’t recall. it began to feel a bit like i was out there on the trip, re-living it. i could somewhat tell what time of day it was as i could see how the light looked out the window in my office, though i think at some points i lost track of how long i was there at the computer working on it. it was nice to begin to live more in the present moment and let go of the human constructs of defining time and location. everything is happening in the now, though when we are thinking of stuff that happened to us in the past or things we’ve gotta do in the future, it takes us away from fully experiencing the present moment. the present moment, no matter what it is or where we are, can be bliss. the more we tune into whatever this present moment is bringing us, the more aware we can become not only of everything that is happening all at once and all the miracles that this moment is bringing, but also of our true nature. we can choose to live from this heightened awareness at all times should we so desire. we’ve simply got to surrender our attachments that are preventing us from doing so. as our consciousness expands, it becomes effortless and natural to do so. living from this deepened awareness will allow us to fully embrace the beauty of the world and experience it with wonder and awe. do things that help you alter your perception of how you’re seeing the world and you’ll begin to step outside of your currently limited paradigms. there is so much to this life, even in the ordinary human experience itself. just look at how many people live vastly different lives. observe the subtle details of how others perceive and experience life.. see what paradigms and perspectives they are living from, and notice how some of these may be quite different than your own. if most people you know have similar ways of seeing the world, go find others who see the world very differently and observe them.. see what you can learn about life simply from observing how differently they see the world. learn to do so with out judgment of what is right and wrong. stepping outside of this judgmentalism will help you transcend duality. there is no right or wrong. these are human constructs of the ego mind. as we learn to accept and embrace it all, we’ll begin to see everything is simply one being expressing itself in different ways. our uniqueness is what allows us to perceive the world through a new lens, though do not let it set us apart or make us any better than anyone else. we each are here to learn, perceive, and experience in different ways so the one being that we really are can understand itself in ways that were not possible had it not decided to show up like it has. anyhow, i’m starting to think too much about this now.. simply allow yourself to dissolve in the presence. whether that’s through meditation, yoga, chanting, a walk in nature, whatever it might be.. do what allows you to feel more present, and embrace the presence.
a recent miracle is that i was inspired to create a technique that has saved (and will save) me lots of time and frustration editing the video clips i shot a few years ago during my trip out west. i hadn’t touched any of the files in over a year and a half, though was feeling motivated recently after completing the last couple years’ worth of time-lapses. i really didn’t like dealing with correcting technical issues due to imperfections in the files the camera created.. many of the films have hundreds of clips and it was very tedious and frustrating to have to be cutting off the end of each clip. when i began working on the film i left off, i used the old technique and found it not to be too bad at first though was finding myself frustrated with it. i tried another one after and think i wasn’t enjoying the process too much, so decided to take a different approach for the next one. the first idea i had come up with wasn’t going to work that ell, though i then thought of another idea to run all the clips through a script that would automatically chop off the last half second of them (alleviating the majority of the frustrating issues with them), and then import those clips into the video editor. it didn’t work perfectly as the editing software didn’t like the very short clips, though i’m sure it has saved an enormous amount of time and frustration. in the past week, i’ve been able to start and complete 10 of the films. i’ve made it past the point of getting to california in the trip (where i had previously thought if i could just make it to then, then i could take a break or give up), and it’s going pretty well. it still is a long process though i’m finding myself more patient with it and enjoying it much more than when i had first started.
another miracle today was that i was much more patient and didn’t get anywhere near as angry as i could’ve when i discovered the car dealer had scuffed/scratched up the paint on my door handles and doors when doing a recall to replace the door handle brackets — i was actually surprisingly pretty calm and accepting though i did feel a bit of a charge that passed fairly quickly once i sat down and accepted i had to wait again (and started working on my computer while waiting to find out if they could buff it out or not).. this was very different than how i felt and reacted nearly two years ago when i first bought the new car and experienced them doing a bad job touching up a ding on the hood i found. today i was able to treat the service advisor kindly, especially at the end, though even when i first got back to the dealer and was feeling the charge of anger and intolerance. earlier today while waiting for the recall work to be done, a little miracle was that i was patient and pretty tolerant of the ego energy i was sensing and hearing from the sales reps who were standing right near where i was sitting the whole time (and i was actually able to work on programming somewhat complex code at the time and it didn’t end up being as much of an overhaul as i was thinking). at one point, i quietly sent blessings and light to everyone at the dealer (and felt a little energized after doing so). the last part of today’s miracle was that i had enough gas to make it back home (after the range dropped quickly and had indicated 0 for a few miles) and i was later able to start the car back up and get to the gas station to fill it up — i didn’t think it was going to be this low and thought there’d be plenty to make it home (as i had forgotten the gas gift card i wanted to use up) though i had to turn around and go back to the dealer after i discovered the mishap when i stopped a few miles down the road from the dealer (which was 30+ miles from my home). i’d prefer not having to make a couple trips all the way back out to the dealer again next week to drop off my car to get the paint touched up and new door handles installed, though i’ll make an adventure of it and perhaps go to some local parks or spots in nature in the area. i’m wanting to make it through editing all these videos quickly though i know it’s all in divine order.. they’re going to get done and i don’t have to worry so much about the deadline i’ve placed on myself to complete them in the coming weeks. if anyone reading this is interested in checking out the videos, here’s a link to where i’m posting them: markmarano.com/what/truckcamperfilms
…and i just noticed repeating numbers in the url of the date and this post # on my website: /2016/08/11/17111/
facing the frustrations. so, where to even begin? i was feeling a lot of different things earlier today. some things such as not wanting to deal with having to figure out a new phone carrier as my friend is cancelling the plan i was a part of.. and things like that trigger other emotions related to him and others, such as feeling that i’ve been taken advantage of by not getting paid fairly for all the work i’ve done for […]
[2016.07.06] miracles, opening up, authenticity, etc
i experienced some miracles today.. both little ones such as just making it to my car a minute before it started raining, and more important ones such as the whole experience at the satsang at the flowering heart center tonight that was exactly what i needed. i was a little hesitant to share in the beginning when it was starting though the conversation starting going about things related to companionship, loneliness, connecting with others, personalities, etc, etc. near the end Suzanne asked me if i wanted to share when there was a pause as i was still a little slow to say something (though i was feeling i did want to say something at different points during the conversation), and i shared some of what i was going through or struggling with related to connecting with others. i felt a little nervous at first when i first started speaking in front of the group and sharing though i was fine shortly into it and was able to share a couple other pieces after as others responded. it was really beautiful and a miracle that the whole satsang was exactly what i needed to hear without me even asking for it directly. thank you everyone for your sharing and presence! i recorded an audio of myself speaking a bit about this (amongst some other rambling). it’s funny as last night i was just thinking and feeling like recording an audio program where i was just being funny or opening up more, taking on one of the personalities or voices that i used to have fun with a lot, though i didn’t [and it sounds like a bit of this voice started to come out in the beginning of the recording tonight]. it was really perfect how everything unfolded at the satsang tonight and i’m grateful for the experience and for continuing to open up and accept myself as i am and allow my self to express myself in different ways, authentically and enjoyably.
sometimes i have to just remember to go looking for the miracles. last night after the satsang, Elena asked me what my miracle for the day was. at first i didn’t think i had any nor remembered any. i was thinking my day had been pretty simple and fairly unexciting or even boring. then a moment later, after she said they would come to me, i remembered that at the beginning of the meditation i was sitting in a little bit of a charge/emotion/thought, and during the meditation, and as the satsang began, it dissolved and was completely gone shortly later. Michael shared with us a reminder of why we were there as Andrea’s mom was there for the first time and he was explaining what the satsang was about. i don’t remember all the details though he spoke about the awakening of consciousness and how enough of us awakening will impact the collective consciousness globally. i remembered my purpose of seeing/experiencing/participating in this shift, and the thought or little upset i had related to a personal desire had faded away. i knew everything was in divine order and was reminded that we already crossed the threshold of what is needed to cause a planetary shift in consciousness. the beautiful world we all desire is being created, despite any of our suffering, personally or collectively. we are all healing, expanding, and evolving.
towards the end of the satsang, Michael asked me if i wanted to share my experience at the P&G in Chicagoland. i was a little nervous, being put on the spot and unprepared as with what to say. it was a month ago and i didn’t remember all the details of what happened and felt i couldn’t share an accurate report of it. somehow i managed to share some of what i did remember and although i may have missed some details, i think it flowed through fairly cohesively. as i was trying to remember what happened both days, i naturally asked Louis, as he had been to the one in Orlando, and he shared some of his experience. after he shared what he got out of it, i shared a little bit about the miracles i had started to see everyday since they told us to start sharing miracles. by this point i was feeling more at ease in speaking to the whole group though still didn’t want to get carried away in all of the details and go on for a long time, so only shared a little bit of what i’d experienced. Suzanne or Michael mentioned the facebook page i set up for us to share miracles, and i shared a little bit about that. it felt good to be able to speak for a few minutes in front of everyone. although i feel it could’ve flowed better, it seems like it went pretty well and was what i needed. i’m grateful for the opportunity to continue to grow and practice speaking in a group.
due to things i’ve experienced in the past, it’s always been much easier for me to connect one on one with someone (though usually only after they’ve initiated the conversation or i’ve really known them). in groups, small or large, i usually would just observe the conversation flow back and forth between everyone, and although things i could share would sometimes come to me, i’d often be too slow to jump in and share them. and i’d resist going off on a tangent or an aside to speak or connect directly with someone in the group. this is something i saw myself once again fail to do last week after the satsang, though last night i saw myself asking Suzanne about an experience she had briefly mentioned to the group of us there. i’m grateful for being able to become more open and allow myself to connect with others a little more naturally. what i was thinking about or upset over in the beginning was a lost opportunity to connect with someone, and although it showed up in different manners than i was thinking, i see that the divine is providing me a path to open my heart back up to connecting and conversing with others.
perhaps it was also a reminder to just relax and be me, and surrender any expectations of how i think things should look or unfold, and trust and know that the divine is taking me where i need to go. it’s also been a little miracle for me to feel okay in sharing the little nuances of what i’m feeling and going through with others.
experiencing miracles is as simple at looking for them. i’ve noticed on days that i’ve stopped writing about miracles, looking for them, or got caught up in thinking or worrying about something that didn’t serve me, i began to notice more things occur aligned with that sort of energy instead of a positive miracle or flow. the night before last i didn’t sleep so well, waking up anxious or in some thought or emotion that i didn’t like. i barely slept a couple or few hours the whole night and when i got out of bed in the morning, i was still resisting what was there and was feeling tired. thinking i was tired, throughout a lot of the day i felt pretty tired until i took a nap in the afternoon. in the morning, despite being tired, i decided to go for a bike ride to the local park. i hadn’t ridden in about a month and didn’t feel like checking the air in the tires. the tires felt a little low when i was riding it though it still rode okay. this morning when i did check them, they weren’t as low as i had thought or worried they might be. they could use a little more air for better performance but they weren’t gonna get damaged by being too low. biking to the park yesterday was nice. it’s a little warmer and more humid back here in florida though its not as bad as i remember. it was nice to sit by the lake and not have any mosquitos bother me. i came home and cooked a nice breakfast (just in time for lunch). later in the afternoon, after my nap, i drove out to one of my favorite parks on the gulf. on the way to the park, some raindrops began to hit my car. i looked up, out the open moonroof, and saw it was just a small cloud that it was most likely coming from and figured it’d stop soon so i wouldn’t have to close the moonroof. about a minute (or less) later, i was pulling up to a stoplight and the raindrops were totally gone. when i got out to the island, i had left the moonroof open (and the windows cracked). i walked north a bit on the beach and noticed lightning in the not-too-distant dark clouds. a thought crossed my mind about the moonroof being open, though i didn’t worry. i stayed to watch the sun set and made my way back to the car a little bit after it went down. there was no sign of any raindrops where i parked. i did have a few mosquitos in the car and may have gotten a couple bites though this morning i had forgotten about them and i don’t feel them itching. i had stopped at the store on the way home last night to pick up some soap and went looking for a couple groceries. it was nice to notice some yogurts i like were on sale. i had closed the moonroof and windows when i parked as the dark clouds were getting close to where i was at the store, though when i was done shopping, it wasn’t raining (nor hadn’t). i wasn’t really feeling like getting wet going up to my condo with the groceries though accepted i might. on the way up the road home, i smelled the fresh rain that i had just missed. when i got to my condo, it wasn’t raining and i came inside with everything without getting wet.
this morning, i woke up after sleeping better though still feeling a little tired from it being warmer (i hadn’t turned the a/c back down when i got home last night). i woke up about an hour earlier than i thought it was and went on the computer to check a few things. a little after, i started to make some tea and figured i’d go biking after that. it ended up being a little later that i got out, though it was nice to go out to the other local park on the nearby lake. as i was leaving the park, a couple cars were pulling out of the gated neighborhood right there. this was a ‘random’ coincidence as usually that gate is locked and no one is entering or exiting when i go through there, and it’s nice to go bike in to take a different route and explore the little park in there. i wasn’t feeling like going in today though, and felt it would be open another time for me to ride through. i got home and started preparing my breakfast. as i was waiting for my meal to cook, i was wondering about what miracles, if any, had i experienced these past few days. i noticed that it was getting darker outside and realized i may have just missed getting wet biking in the rain this morning. i then remembered i had just missed the rain last night too. i started typing the ideas that came to me. after beginning the first few sentences, i went back to check on the food and ate my breakfast (not quite just in time for lunch, a little bit earlier this time). as i was rinsing off my plate after finishing eating, i noticed the rain pouring down outside.
little miracles happen every day when we’re in tune with them. and when we’re feeling out of tune, or not in the flow, all we have to do is begin to shift our attention back to looking for miracles or being grateful for what is going the way we like. it feels like miracles, gratitude, and flow are all interconnected. as we let go of our resistance to what is and step back into the moment, it can all flow quite beautifully. and even the stuff we’re resisting can flow effortlessly.. it’s only our judgment and perception that we don’t like it that prevents it from flowing. i experienced this the other night as i was stuck judging myself, overthinking, or worrying (and not wanting to be doing so). relaxing and trusting its all in divine order helps everything flow much more smoothly. sometimes we must surrender to something greater than ourselves and know we are being taken care of. perhaps one little thing didn’t work out exactly as we like, though we mustn’t beat ourselves up over it or analyse it or do any of those mind things with it, otherwise it can really affect us. and its really only our mind thinking it didn’t work out, as it very well can and will work out perfectly later. patience and trust go a long way. perhaps more so than perseverance. or its really perseverance, or faith, at a higher level.
it feel like part of this is really an aspect of surrender. as we let go of our attachment to outcome, having faith it will happen perfectly in divine order, we allow for life to unfold, manifest, and flow. i noticed this with my finances the other day. for a while, i’d been resisting having loans/debts, and i stopped receiving income from my main client for a couple/few weeks in april. i didn’t know what i was going to do with my personal life, nor did i know how i was going to get the p&g in the coming weeks, as my main client, a friend, usually flies me up to chicagoland to help him with his business and he had just stopped paying me. a couple/few weeks after i had last spoken with him, i got a voicemail or email from him saying he wanted me to fly up, and the date he mentioned was the exact date of the p&g. it worked out perfectly that i got in a couple days before and stayed for a few weeks to help him with his business. and i’ve still got work to do for him now that i’m back home. i didn’t make a lot of money in my time up there, though upon looking at my accounts when i returned home, i realized that i wasn’t too far off from the first part of the financial goal that had seemed quite distance or unrealizable not too long ago.
i’ve also noticed surrender, and growth (or facing what is there), helping my relationships with others. i was able to make some new connections at the p&g and the flowering heart center in downers grove while i was in chicagoland. and i’m noticing this starting to happen down here too (and part of me in the past had resisted coming back here as i didn’t know as many people in the local communities). the other night at the flowering heart center in clearwater, a friend i had begun to talk to and connect more with in the weeks before leaving said she was glad i was back. i wished i had opened up and connected more though i will do so next week. it’s really nice to connect with others on a similar path. it’s one of the most important and fulfilling aspects of life. part of why i came back to florida after a brief life on the road out west was because i was missing community and a deeper connection with others. though i’ve had some ups and downs and have gotten caught up in the mind at times, i’m starting to see this unfold more quickly now. it’s really nice to find community at both of the flowering heart centers and also to see the visions for both centers expanding. something as simple as the community sharing our miracles has brought us together and created more connections (not too mentioned inspired us and helped us grow). (thanks chris for setting up the facebook group for the downers grove community! i mentioned this to michael and suzanne and will be helping them set one up for the community here)
the real miracle is that i’m becoming more open and allowing myself to connect with others. i’m becoming more okay with sharing what i’m going through and feeling. for a lot of my life, i’ve closed off some aspects of what i was going through (due to past experiences that led me to do so). for a long time, i would only want to share good things for fear of being criticized or judged. i wouldn’t want to mispaint the picture of who i was and this would cause me to be quiet a lot of the time rather than share or open up. when i did connect with someone and got to know someone better, i would open up more and be okay sharing the parts i didn’t like as much. i’m sure this is normal to an extent, though by resisting a part of who we are, we aren’t fully embracing ourselves. and we’re projecting that resisted part of ourselves onto others, and causing further resistance. by fully accepting ourselves (and others), we can create a world full of peace and love. love and connection is really all that matters. to a degree, i’ve chased after external things to bring me happiness and fulfillment though they never did. perhaps for a brief moment though it seemed that moment would get briefer and to the point of it not really doing anything other than causing stress or some burden. yes, i suppose it helped me work through some charges, though i’m glad to have chosen a different path. one of surrender rather than control. one of connection rather than acquisition. one of openness rather than fear. now i’m not saying it’s all perfect and i’m totally there yet. i even see some resistance in typing all the details i’ve been exploring here (like in not wanting to mention that i wanted to ask out the girl who was glad i was back and i failed to do so, despite having journaled about this before). though the miracle is that i’m on this path, and it’s felt good to let go and trust. when i was in chicagoland, i met my friend christine for breakfast last week. it was very inspirational to see how everything has flowed in her life, and how she has moved forward with various aspects without knowing exactly where it was going and it all worked out and flowed smoothly. i was also able to see my own resistance more clearly in part of our conversation (and how the mind was getting in the way). (thanks christine!) faith and trust really do go a long way in allowing ourselves to flow with life.
it’s really inspirational to see when it does all flow so effortlessly. i made a brief connection at the airport just before boarding the flight home. and it almost didn’t happen. i was sitting waiting for groups to start boarding before getting in line. i don’t recall if they had called my group # yet or not though wasn’t feeling like going up just yet. someone nearby asked if the shoes a couple seats over were mine. i said no though maybe they belonged to the guy who got called up for standby a bit ago as he was sitting in that spot. i suggested she inform the person who worked there, though she didn’t respond or seem to want to. i said i’d go tell them. i made my way over there after going around a couple of people who were blocking the way there. i told the guy who worked there and he started to make an announcement. i then walked over to the lines rather than go back to where i was sitting. i asked the person at the back of the line if it was for group 3. she said yes and made a comment about having gone to the other line or something, and i said something about it being the longest line (it was stretching all the way across to the other side of the terminal hallway). a moment later she asked if i was visiting or going back home or something, and we had a nice chat until we parted ways to our seats on the plane. something as simple as a small connection like that wouldn’t have happened if i hadn’t been sitting where i was or the shoes hadn’t been left there or whatnot. there are so many little pieces that come together to create every moment. it’s all divinely orchestrated and unfolded in perfection according to where we are at in that very moment. it’s miraculous and beautiful to notice this flow of life.
it’s also been inspirational to discover more people online sharing their experiences living a nomadic or alternative lifestyle. if i do end up living life on the road at some point, it’s nice to know there is a virtual community out there and i can make connections with others along the journey. while i’ve been back and forth about staying in my condo or living out of a van/camper/rv, i felt called to come back to florida from chicagoland. while i did really like the community up there and its nicer there in the summer than here, i feel i need to be here now. in the past, i’ve often felt i had to make all or nothing decisions. stay or go. and over-think and over-analyse it in the process in attempts to make the best decision. now, i’m feeling i don’t have to be as rash in deciding. i don’t have to let go of everything. i can flow with life and allow it to unfold more effortlessly rather than trying to force everything to happen. i don’t know exactly what all the pieces look like though i do have some visions. i’ve envisioned both having a home here and traveling. or having multiple homes. though its not the things or the space that matters so much anymore, it’s the experience and the connections and the inspiration. i see both flowering heart centers expanding to larger centers or even ashrams, and being able to travel to both and have beautiful loving communities both places. and having a sweet girlfriend who’d enjoy the journey with me, whatever it looks like. life can be as amazing as we allow it to be. we can imagine and create and allow for this experience to be as beautiful as we desire. we don’t need to limit ourselves based upon our past experiences or current situation. it was inspirational to chat with my friend soleo a few weeks ago. he helped me remember we can have it all. after that, we learned about fulfillment at the p&g. its okay to fulfill our desires and create the life we want. and the path of fulfillment can be quicker than the path of renunciation too. all of these aspects of life, as i struggle to remember or look at them as i type all of this, have been a miracle. sometimes the miracle is life itself. all of the pieces are coming together without us even knowing about it. the divine, or the universe, is working behind the scenes to get us to where we’re going. trust, surrender, and allow. it’s all a miracle.
this morning i woke up early and was laying in bed for a while here at the hotel. my friend had mentioned going to go get breakfast one of these mornings and i was waiting to see if he’d call. i tried calling him after a while to plan out when i could go to his house to do laundry as i’m just about out of clean clothes. i was getting an error message while trying to leave a voicemail so figured i’d talk to him later about it. i went downstairs to get oatmeal for breakfast and came back to my room. i was sitting here for a little while not feeling like going to the office just yet as i was there pretty much all day yesterday. i also wanted to hear back from my frined to plan out my day and when i could do laundry at his house. i laid back down in bed thinking maybe i’d listen to an audio program for a little while as i didn’t feel like going to the office just yet. i think i pulled up the weather app on my phone to see how warm it’d be today and in less than a minute, my friend called. he asked if i wanted to go with him today to get out of the office. when i was about to lay back down in bed or as i did (and was feeling like i was at the office all day and not wanting to go), it felt like maybe i was somehow telepathically talking to a part of him, and that part of him picked up on it. i don’t know that he was aware of it at all.. probably the divine just guided him to call me to see if i wanted to go on the road with him today. or he just felt like it. it feels like this is how a lot of this works. we are all guided by our feelings, intuition, etc. it’s how we communicate with the divine and how the divine communicates with us. and when i woke up today i was wondering if i would have a little miracle to share today or not! i wasn’t feeling one at that point though one came to me shortly after. pondering back on a couple of things that happened yesterday, i could see them as miracles too! miracles are everywhere. the divine is everywhere. all we have to do is simply be open to seeing and experiencing it.
everything begins to work out quite smoothly when you begin to look for miracles in life. my friend had told me to be ready soon though i said i needed a little more time and he said to be ready by 10. when i started typing this after getting out of the shower, it was a little before 10 and i got a text message from him at 10 saying he’d be there in 5 minutes. i finished typing the first paragraph and wanted to use the bathroom before leaving though wasn’t sure if i’d have enough time. i went anyway, and just as i was walking out of the hotel, he was pulling up, right about 10:10. it all worked out perfectly. i had wanted to type up the miracle of what had happened and was able to type up the first part this morning before being in the truck with him (where i didn’t have a chance to). also, i had forgotten to charge my camera last night (as i’ve been shooting short clips for a time-lapse project while up here), and i remembered to plug it in this morning. i didn’t know if it had gotten much of a charge in the short time this morning, though i grabbed it anyway and when i turned it on, it was showing full power.
another recent little miracle was that wednesday night when we were sharing miracles, i felt a little nervous or something, though afterwards i was thanked for sharing or told that my message was inspiring or helpful (and more than once). and when i mentioned how i was feeling, they said it came across well without any signs of what i was feeling.
the energy was really powerful last night at the Flowering Heart Center in Downers Grove, especially in the beginning after the chanting or first meditation. i could feel the energy, and felt like i could almost see it, just before and when we were all saying our names and intentions. it was also very beautiful to feel the unconditional love flowing through others when we hugged. the divine presence and energy keeps increasing as we collectively awaken and experience our hearts flowering. part of a mini miracle for me was that i was able to more naturally connect with others, and i started to let go a little when i found myself going downstairs to join the dancing afterwards.
another miracle was that on the way to the Flowering Heart Center i was trying to remember a miracle that had come to me earlier in the day but couldn’t quite remember exactly what it was. i tried to surrender and feel that the divine would remind me or speak through me. as i arrived and was walking up towards the door to go inside, i remembered that i had a USB stick with some files for Kristin that i needed to give her. i realized this was a miracle as earlier in the day before going to my friend’s, i was thinking about leaving my computer in the hotel as i didn’t think i would be using it for the rest of the afternoon. something told me to take it and i did, and i ended up having the USB stick with it so i could bring it to Kristin. i had put a reminder on my phone calendar to bring it but i didn’t even see or hear it go off. the divine was my reminder, gently guiding me through subtle feelings and intuition.
there was another great conversation last night at the Satsang at the Flowering Heart Center. the Ho’oponopono healing process was one of the things that came up. it had come up in recent weeks or months too. here’s a link to an article i found talking about Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len who healed a whole psychiatric ward using this method: www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale
it’s really awesome to see how many of the teachings and conversations lately at the weekly satsangs have been expanding and align with how i’ve seen the world and understood reality. i admit i have strayed away from this higher awareness as i got caught up in other things along the way, though perhaps everything is now unfolding as it is, as i’ve been getting back on the path, surrendering what no longer serves me, and moving forward in this journey. as you’ll read in the article, part of this process involves taking full personal responsibility for all we have created. i learned a lot of this during the Avatar Course years ago and experienced seemingly magical transformations. it’s time to take responsibility again. to own what i/we have created and have been refusing to see or experience. it will be quite liberating to step into a new world, a new reality, upon doing so.
Michael and Suzanne will be holding a course “Healing the Shadow & our disowned selves” going into this type of process/healing. it’ll be at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater on May 15 or you can watch it online live or later. here’s a link to read more about it: floweringheart.org/shadowprocess.htm