2016 April

Life is a balance between being the creator and the experiencer.

Sunday afternoon #ricoh #theta #360 #degree #360x180 #stereographic #projection #littleplanet #weeplanet #stereographicprojection #ricohtheta #theta360 #fisheye #ricohthetam15 #fromabove #lookingup #lookingdown #poleaerialphotography #elevatedphotography #water #intracoastal #boats #bridge #road

All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.

- Swami Vivekananda

so what is it that i really want to do?

i find myself at a crossroads. a time to make a decision. or perhaps, as i got from my short conversation with michael tonight after the meditation/blessing, to just allow and trust. though he did say something about deciding, or knowing which to decide. that is what i feel i really need most now, is clarity.. to decide which of multiple directions is best for me. it was good that michael felt that my situation with work right now was long coming (not his exact words though not remembering it right now). yes, i must do what is aligned with who i am and the direction i am going. it would be easy to just keep working for joe though the more i see him living from the mind and the old corporate ways/perspectives, the more i feel it’s not what i want and i’m going in the wrong direction. i’m much more interested in a different approach to life than what he sees or what so many of us see, in terms of having to work these jobs doing something we really don’t like just to pay bills and buy stuff we really don’t need. i am grateful for upcoming changes in society. i’m sure many more of us will be happy to see a new way unfold. consumerism is not sustainable for the planet and it’s not healthy for the people who are caught up in it. i want to live an inspired life. to do something fulfilling. something that has meaning and purpose and is of a greater calling. to help transform this world. and to have fun and enjoy and laugh and play too. and to have a deep, meaningful relationship. as i look at my life and what i’m thinking of i wonder will everything work out. will it all come together. i know i just have to trust it. the divine is going to put all the pieces together. i shouldn’t try to figure it out as michael essentially was saying. i can see little miracles unfolding when i surrender and allow. tonight i experienced surrendering and allowing. i had wanted to talk to tracy (tracie? tracey?) after the meditation/blessing and wanted to just relax and be me and effortless connect with others in general. i asked for these things and others during the blessing and i felt that it was happening. i saw little subtle signs or felt it or perhaps i even just told myself it was working. i usually sit with my eyes closed quietly until everyone is done with blessings. when sitting near the end i noticed that tracy was leaving and surrendered and just accepted that maybe i’d talk to her next time. though as i went back to sitting there with my eyes closed, i felt that maybe she was still there and maybe i didn’t have to sit there waiting for everyone to finish. the energy and space are already high, i don’t necessarily need to sit there to help hold the space longer.. and everyone was pretty much already done anyhow. i think it was a few seconds later that my friend audrey came to give me a hug as she had to leave early as her car was blocking others in the driveway. after that, i got up and saw tracy was standing quietly just outside the kitchen. i walked over to her and don’t remember exactly how our conversation started.. i think she said something about not talking to me since she started coming back or something. then we talked for a little bit and it was nice. a simple idea of sending blessings when she’s at work came to me (when she was telling me she would listen to spiritual or meditation songs on her headphones and was wondering what the current song was playing) and she really liked the idea. it was nice to see that my asking to connect with her effortlessly manifested. all i had to do was listen to the idea that came to me that was telling me it’d be okay to get up. it felt like when she got up and i surrendered i was almost saying bye internally or something. and it felt like in that same space i told her i’d talk to her if she waited around. i’m not sure if she waited around to find out what the song was or to just stay in the energy or exactly what reason, but it all worked out. it was all in divine order. this is the same place i must go to to feel what i want to do. i’ve been looking at vans and thinking of selling the condo and getting the van and living out of it, though i feel that having a relationship with a girl is really what i would enjoy more than traveling or living the unique lifestyle out of the van. and who knows, maybe who i’m with would want to do the long term travel for a while. i would enjoy the inspiration and adventure of traveling and living a unique and minimal life though i could find other ways to be creative even if i’m not traveling. i told michael about the audio programs i recorded almost a year ago. it felt good to do those. maybe that’s what i’ve got to explore more. then it comes down to the whole money thing. i know it will all manifest. i must just trust it and allow it to happen and stop overthinking it. it was good to talk a little bit with michael before leaving though then when i over-analyze it, i think i could’ve talked more with tracy instead and i was feeling i could ask if she wanted to go out. i don’t even know if she’s single or not though it felt like i could’ve simply asked her. i would’ve liked to have hugged her but i was talking to michael instead when she was leaving. now i’m feeling that perhaps i shouldn’t focus as much on the van and allow things to unfold divinely. i’ll see her again next week. i can talk to her and hug her then, and perhaps ask her out too. i’ll ask for divine guidance. i don’t have to know all the answers. that’s what i’ve been thinking. i try to figure out everything and put all the pieces together. i’ve just got to relax and surrender. in this whole process of life too. i don’t need to know how it’s going to work out or even where i’m going or what i want to do. i’ll just take it day by day. today i was working on putting together one of the old time-lapses that have been waiting to be done. i hadn’t been feeling like doing it because i was trying to get all this other stuff sorted out. though that’s not all necessary. i just felt like doing it, i think yesterday i did a bit of work on it and then today, and it was quite simple. it doesn’t have to be hard. i don’t have to make life all that difficult or complicated. letting go of all the unnecessary stress or burdens is certainly helpful. now as i type this and stop trying to think of all the details of what happened exactly in the past (even though the past was only a short while ago, its still going back into the mind to try to remember it.. and not even getting it all correctly). it’s like this writing. just let it flow. thats where it all comes down to. step into the present moment and roll with it. allow the divine to spontaneously flow through you. that’s all it is. step into the flow. stop trying to think about it. don’t worry. the divine knows better than us, doesn’t it?? i’m sure it does. stop worrying about it. trust it. it’s all unfolding. ask the divine for what you want and you’ll watch it happen. in this world of needing to control things, its easy for the mind to think it has to take charge and do things. just let go. ask and allow. that’s how i was able to talk to tracy tonight. i just asked and allowed. it was that simple. it was nice. i hadn’t really talked to her that effortlessly or even that much before. i know i could still see myself trying to think or be present or try to do too much though it worked out somewhat and it was fine. that’s all ya gotta do. is simply relax and be. allow life to happen. enjoy it. and if the van thing happens, great. if it doesn’t, that’s great too. i’ll feel into how i’m feeling and allow it to unfold. i could even get the van and travel around locally here and have a girlfriend locally. it will all work out. i think part of what i’ve been trying to do for so long has been to fit into a box of what i thought was how things should be. i know i’m pretty out of the box for the most part. but in thinking i had to settle down and ended up moving back to florida to stay in one spot. it’s not all that i need to do… and look right now at what happened.. i stopped to think or look back at what i wrote or wonder where words were going and then i lost what was coming out. don’t make life so difficult. life can be easy. i was telling michael how i felt inspired by wayne dyer and recorded the audio programs and how i’d like to be able to just do that sort of thing but then shared my doubts about making money with it right away. and he said not necessarily (or something) when i said i thought it wouldn’t happen right away or would take time or something. it all goes back to trust. and being aligned. he spoke about creating but then how much more powerful we create when we are aligned with the divine. i shared a quick version of my story when i felt i created a little miracle for my friend matt at the restaurant one night after the avatar course. in sharing the story, it was good to be able to share it briefly. i notice how much i can go into so many details that aren’t all that necessary. sure, sometimes its good to share details but i don’t have to feel it needs to be done all the time. i know i’ve seen my mom do that and i think i’ve gotten it from her. i know i can talk quickly trying to get in all the details and i saw myself doing that when i was sharing some of it with him tonight. i feel i have to rush to get it all in as maybe either its too long or i won’t be able to speak it all or maybe i’m wondering if the other person is interested, or perhaps i’m simply being a little vulnerable. its interesting to see this and knowing what i know about my mom see what aspects she could be exhibiting when she’s telling stories like that and her nervousness or anxiousness or whatever it is. it’s interesting to see all of this programming. i’ve known this for a while. it’s just a matter of feeling it and letting it go if it no longer serves. or simply stepping into the present moment and allowing. it’s all beautiful when we just surrender and allow. i’m really grateful for everything in my life. i’ve been thinking recently about surrendering more. like right now i’m looking for a solution or opportunity like the van since i don’t have the income from working with joe. i’m not sure if i will have any more from him in the future or not, but it feels like it’d just be simpler to let go and be done. to not get caught up with all of the stress or drama involved with the company. and to do something more inspired. i don’t know exactly what it looks like but i trust it will all unfold. i like when michael has told the story i think of one who was enlightened and was a fool and would just play in the market with the children all day or something. i’ve enjoyed being the fool around friends and family. just allowing the fun and foolishness or goofiness to spontaneously flow through me. recently i’ve also been thinking that i shouldn’t allow anyone to hold me back. i think i’ve been looking at situations with work or the condo or girls that i’ve been talking to but are only friends with currently. i’ve just got to follow my heart and do what feels right to me. and this doesn’t mean that those people, situations, etc will just disappear completely. they could but they might also not. don’t try to figure out the universe or the divine order behind everything. it can be all quite crazy. something could just show up unexpectedly. we’ve got to learn to trust and allow and embrace the unknown. it’s a vulnerability to embrace the unknown. though the more we do so, the easier it becomes. it was nice to speak at the meditation/satsang, i think it was the one last week, when suzanne asked me whats important to me, after others were sharing their feelings or thoughts. i had wanted to speak and felt that i would say something if i was asked or something. i don’t recall exactly. either she picked up on it or the divine guided her or it was simply the way i looked or something that led to her asking me. i said i don’t know when she first asked and i think a few people laughed or felt that or something. then i went on to say something that i was feeling that someone else had touched upon. i don’t recall exactly but i recall that it felt like what i was speaking wasn’t always exactly how i would say it thought it was close. and i was wondering why i was saying it like that. it must’ve been the divine flowing through me. it’s nice. i feel i could surrender my whole life to the divine and allow the divine to flow through me at all in time with anyone and in any situation. though i’ve got to learn to trust it. i know god is looking out for me. though i have fears about what if something goes wrong. i know in the divine hands nothing ever goes wrong. but what if something happens that i don’t like. i look at situations, now a long long time ago, that occurred and perhaps i’m thinking of those. sometimes it felt a little scary knowing how far i could go if i just trusted the moment and the feeling. i never got hurt or anything but i wonder what if things got crazy and i did. like if i went too extreme in driving or trying some ambitious stunt or something. i think i’m just overthinking this as i don’t even drive fast anymore and i’m not sure i’d try anything crazy. though i know in the past it did feel like i could almost try something crazy when i was drunk or high. when i’ve let go of all inhibitions, it was exactly that. letting go of all limitations and then anything would be possible. and the crazy thing was that it felt like i could actually do it. like is that all this is really about? is letting go of all the inhibitions? i know it is. but is it really? i’ve been there. i’ve been in some pretty high states after the avatar course and letting go of so much where i felt and knew anything was possible. i know i’ve re-created old ways and identities these past years and i must let those go. letting go of all that no longer serves me will open me up to what’s possible. all of our blocks are really self imposed. we may not know it. but we are really limiting ourselves with these things, stories, identities, etc, etc. as we let go, we free our attention and energy and get closer to our true nature. our true nature is free. we are free. we are divine. there’s a part of us, perhaps deep down inside, that is divine. we only must ask for it and we will find it. yes it does seem there can be some or a lot of work to do. but it will be so worth it. i know i’ve been lazy lately about doing the work or even about doing things i want to do. but it’s like michael and suzanne have been saying about cleaning up and showing up. that’s what must be done. i look forward to their course on the shadow work. i may not want to jump into the shadow elements but i will. it will be worth it. yes it might be a bit vulnerable but it will make a difference to completely let go of old personalities or things that no longer serve me. i guess this brings me back to where i was in avatar. i remember after letting go of so much i think i felt that i didnt know who i was. i know i get to create it. but i didnt know what to create. and thats where i’m at now too. i dont know exactly what to decide. or where i’ve been at. i’m now deciding. i know what i want. i’ll say it again. i want to have fun, enjoy life, have a beautiful relationship, partake in a spiritual community, be inspired and inspire others. i want to flow with life. i want to see a beautiful planet and new world unfold. i know i want a lot. i must decide where to start. or i just ask for it all and allow it to unfold and manifest in perfect order. stop overthinking and start allowing. going back to surrendering. it feels good to let go of what no longer serves me. i see how much stuff i’ve been hanging on to that i didn’t really need. i thought maybe i’d use it for a project one day. or some things i forgot i even had. it’s good to clean up the clutter in one’s life. in physical life and in mental and spiritual life. it feels so good to have more free energy and attention and feel lighter. travel lightly. live lightly. perhaps this is the sort of thing i need to do. as far as in work and all. i’ve been thinking or feeling this recently. i’ve been wanting to do something that matters, that could help others, and that resonated with who i am. i’ve known about all this mass-media driven consumerism for a long time. i just found references to it in my writing from 10-15 years ago. i’m seeing more of it lately and more people becoming aware of it. i think i’ve come across it more since i’ve decided to surrender and let go. i got to the point by the end of last year of realizing my old ways were no longer working. i was getting caught up in the chase of wanting more or needing more. it was taking over or overwhelming me. i knew it and had seen it in the past too. i see it in so much of the photography world, where it’s all about the equipment and latest gadgets. yes these things can be helpful though its much more important to actually create work and be creative rather than need the next latest gadget. and i wasn’t even needing everything though in chasing after this sort of thing or wondering when the next camera or lens would come out became so draining. i think this sort of approach puts us so much into the mind and it hands over controls to the mind. rather than learning to surrender and allow whatever is needed to unfold, the mind thinks its got to do things a certain way or try to make things happen or control things. anyhow, before going on to too much of a ramble or rant about the mind, lets get back to where we were going. i feel that as i’ve let go, as i’ve accepted, surrendered, etc, i’ve opened up more space for whats new to unfold in my life. it’s been nice to see that i’ve actually been chatting with girls on dating sites/apps and have actually met a couple in person. before, when i was living too much from the mind or taking other’s advice, such as joe’s, of needing to be a certain way or whatnot, i wasn’t living authentically. and by doing so, i wasn’t getting any or very little response. by letting go of what doesn’t serve me, i step out of the mind and into the flow of spirit, and everything unfolds much more smoothly and effortlessly. it’s all in divine order. i see how i was when i first started going to the flowering heart center last summer when i got back to town where i was much quieter and thinking i needed to be a certain way or whatnot and compare it to how i feel now. i’m still not all outgoing though i’ve opened up more and its really nice to see the change. and i can see this continue to change, not only there, but in connecting with others anywhere. i’ve just to remember we’re all one being so i’m just talking to another part of myself so its really no big deal. and let go of attachment to outcome. it doesn’t matter if we don’t resonate or connect or even get along. it’s all in the moment. and as far as with looking to create a relationship with a girl, i’ve got to just be me and that’s how i’ll make friends and find who’s right for me. it’s really that simple. i can’t do what others have said about needing to be or look or act a certain way. maybe that works for some, but maybe that’s what really doesn’t work. this is life. there are no rules. just be yourself. it’s that simple. thats what feels right. follow your heart. and allow it all to unfold in perfect order. look at the times you’ve felt most alive in your life. see what’s been common there. for me it’s just been when i’ve had fun and have felt free. when i’ve connected with others. when i’ve spoken exactly what someone else needed to hear. when someone opened their heart to me or when i’ve opened my heart to them. it hasn’t been when i’ve been caught up in rules or materialism or needing anything else other than the moment i was in. that moment was perfect. we all seek this perfection or what we think is perfect or what others have told us is perfect though the only true perfection comes when we stop looking for it. the moment is perfect when we step into it. let go of what you think or are expecting to be perfect. these attachments of how you think life should look like are what hold us back from actually living life. experience what is here and now. let go of the stories and thinking. let it all unfold. just feel and be present. that’s how it felt like i could actually ask tracy if she wanted to go out or meet up or something. it just felt like it was possible. i didnt think about it or analyze it. i asked for the help of the divine to connect and open my heart or i dont even remember what right now. i just gotta step out of my own way. its that easy. don’t stop yourself from being yourself. be who you really are. and who you really are is divinely guided. its your spirit, your essence, your true nature. its not your mind or thinking or trying to do things a certain way or how society sees them. who you really are is who you really are. its who you are when you are you. when you are relaxed, free, flowing, enjoying life. so i guess thats what i really want. to be free, to be me, to flow, to connect with others, and to enjoy life. i don’t know exactly what it will look like but that’s part of the adventure. and it’ll be fun. i am me. i flow with life and life flows through me. i embrace it and enjoy it. i love it. i give and receive love. i spontaneously and naturally and effortlessly connect with others. it all works out perfectly because i’m not trying to make it perfect.

The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible – Charles Eisenstein

 

Capitalism is Just a Story

 

Crossroads: Labor Pains of a New Worldview | FULL MOVIE

 

Occupy Wall St – The Revolution Is Love w Charles Eisenstein

 

The Choice is Ours (2016) Official Full Version

 

How We Live: A Journey Towards a Just Transition

 

The One Simple Truth We All Need to Know

Sacred Economics traces the history of money from ancient gift economies to modern capitalism, revealing how the money system has contributed to alienation, competition, and scarcity, destroyed community, and necessitated endless growth.

Today, these trends have reached their extreme – but in the wake of their collapse, we may find great opportunity to transition to a more connected, ecological, and sustainable way of being.

 

felt like speaking a bit about surrendering today.. not sure i said everything i wanted to though it was good to record another audio again. it was a bit of a surrendering process to decide to do so and not think too much about it and just allow it to happen. i also wanted to speak a bit about not knowing exactly where i’m going or what i’ll be doing in the near future, though it feels okay. i’m surrendering and trusting and knowing that whatever is right will unfold. i have a few ideas though i’m not getting too attached to exactly what it needs to be. i know it is all going to work out. and i don’t need to know all the details. when i haven’t known exactly what to do, the idea has come to me to work more on letting go.. to make room for whatever is to come next. the old zen or tao perspective comes to mind “when the cup is full, stop pouring”. we’ve got to let go and release what no longer serves us in order to make room for what we do want. if you want something to happen in your life, don’t struggle trying to make it happen or get caught up feeling it needs to or must happen. surrender to the moment instead. if you feel you must do something, put your energy into getting rid of old things, opening yourself up to new perspective, letting go of old beliefs, etc, etc. anyhow, enjoy the audio recording. hope you find it helpful or inspirational and you begin to open yourself up to the greatest aspect of yourself (but surrender the need to do so).

Sunday afternoon. let out 1000' of #kite line for this shot, part of a time-lapse sequence. #ricoh #theta #360 #degree #360x180 #stereographic #projection #littleplanet #weeplanet #stereographicprojection #ricohtheta #theta360 #fisheye #ricohthetam15 #aerial #fromabove #lookingup #lookingdown #kiteaerialphotography #kap #aerialphotography #water #island #gulf #intracoastal #boats #causeway #islands #beaches

locations include:

Bicentennial Park
Brooker Creek Preserve
Clearwater Beach
Cooper’s Bayou Park
Courtney Campbell Causeway
Crystal Beach
Dunedin Causeway
Fred Howard Park
John Chestnut Senior Park
Lansbrook Lakefront Park
Philippe Park
Pop Stansell Park
R.E. Olds Park
Sunset Beach
The Dunedin Youth Guild Park
Veterans Memorial Marina Park

#ricoh #theta #360 #degree #360x180 #stereographic #projection #littleplanet #weeplanet #ricohtheta #theta360 #fisheye #poleaerialphotography #elevatedphotography #fromabove #lookingup #lookingdown #planet #360degree #stereographicprojection #world #littleworld #tinyplanet #road #water #urban #bus #overpass #bridge

sounds of birds at john chestnut park, a little before sunset

At 74, and coming the end of his scientific and broadcasting career, David Suzuki mused on the notion: “If I had one last lecture to give, what would I say?” The result is a very special talk full of humour, warmth, insight and passion.

At a packed house at the Perth Convention Centre, Suzuki voiced his long-time frustration at the obsession for economic growth at the sacrifice of nature, while urging us all to strive for a sustainable future.

David Suzuki was born in Vancouver, Canada in 1936. He has had a long and prolific career as a scientist, environmentalist, broadcaster and author. His scientific field is genetics, but he is best known for his television and radio programs that examine and explain the natural sciences, including “The Secret of Life” and “A Planet for the Taking.”

Suzuki has won many awards for his work including the 2009 Honorary “Right Livelihood Award.” He has written over 48 books, his latest being “The Legacy: An Elder’s Vision for Our Sustainable Future”, on which the lecture he is delivering is based.

 
Sunday #sunset #ricoh #theta #360 #degree #360x180 #stereographic #projection #littleplanet #weeplanet #stereographicprojection #ricohtheta #theta360 #fisheye #ricohthetam15 #aerial #fromabove #lookingup #stereographicprojection #poleaerialphotography #elevatedphotography #water #gulf #intracoastal #boat #islands #dusk
Sunday early #morning #ricoh #theta #360 #degree #360x180 #stereographic #projection #littleplanet #weeplanet #ricohtheta #theta360 #fisheye #poleaerialphotography #elevatedphotography #fromabove #lookingup #lookingdown #stereographicprojection #walkway #road #highway #overpass #pedestrian #bridge

so what is it that i really want? i explored a bit of this last night. i want to be free. to live. to enjoy life. to love life. to have no burdens. to not have any debts. to not hold onto what i no longer need. to live a full, beautiful, connected life. i watch these words come out and i think about them and wonder where they are all going. i wonder is this what i really want, all of it? i know most of it is. but then i wonder which of the words come from the mind and which come from the heart. i want to live a balanced life from the heart and also from the mind (when needed). i slowed down as i typed that part. do i really want to have part of my life from the mind? i suppose i’ll keep the mind for when it’s needed but not let myself get caught up in it. i’ll allow myself to use the mind as a tool when i need to think of something or create something.. i watched myself typing that and was then again thinking, is this the mind coming up with this? is this me just regurgitating stuff i’ve told myself or have learned from others? i want to be free to discover and create the world and reality as i desire. i don’t want to be attached to any one particular viewpoint, except that which i decide, and only for as long as i decide to keep it.

just before i typed the last i watched myself typing it part, i was slowing down to think about that for a moment and then heard my the water for my tea starting to boil. i went over there and turned it off before the tea kettle started to whistle and as i poured the water into my cup, it was the perfect amount. i didn’t think about how much i needed, i just poured some water out of the container of water and into the tea kettle, turned on the stove and what came out was enough water to fill the mug up to the top. that’s how i want to live life, by feeling. not by thinking or analysis. yes thinking and analysis and the mind can come in handy for certain calculations or when creating a program on the computer or something but it can’t be what runs one’s life. too much thinking and analysis will hold you back from fully living life. and life really happens outside of the mind. life happens in feeling, in experience.

i want to live a fearless life of experience and feeling. i’m not saying i want to dive into all sorts of things that people might do to attempt to overcome fears. what i mean is that i want to live a life of peace, without the fears that the mind creates. yes if there is some sort of danger present, the mind or body or spirit will acknowledge it to let me know to avoid it, or to not even take me in the direction of it. but what i’m really looking at is the way the mind can interpret reality and create unnecessary fears by its own viewpoints. i want to be liberated of all of those. i feel free from most of them. and i feel myself becoming even more free. last tuesday my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me anymore as he’s re-evaluating his business. we’ve been back and forth on this a number of times. and i’ve done a lot of work for him that i really was not paid fairly for. though it feels good to be free from all the chaos and stress that occur in his business. he’s living too much from the mind and needing to control things and really it feels like its going about business how many companies have done for their own benefit and success rather than for a greater cause or purpose. it felt like there was some of that purpose at some points though i think the mind and fear has taken over. anyhow without getting into all of that, i was not afraid when he told me that. perhaps its because i had faced a greater fear before that. near the end of last summer, he told me the same thing and changed how i was getting paid and before that he was suggesting things were going to be changing in the company. at that time i was very low on money and i didn’t know what i was going to do. i had given all of my savings to him for his trucking company. so as you can imagine i was in a bit of a tricky situation. i was also feeling a bit down as i had just gotten back from chicagoland and there was a girl i was interested in up there and i felt like i didn’t want to be down here, especially in the hottest time of the year. i was thinking of different things to do, such as getting a cheap truck and taking my camper up there. and the mind was creating even more fears when it was trying to figure everything out. it was struggling with how to survive without tons of money. how to minimize much i spent, etc. and in doing so, i found out that i could save money on car insurance as i hadn’t driven that much and it was almost time for the first year’s renewal. so i ended up not being able to drive much or at all for a few weeks just to get the low mileage discount which they didn’t even check when the year came. all that time i felt trapped at home. and i didn’t have an internet connection when i first got back and it took me a little while to get it because i was waiting as i didn’t know if i was going to be getting a truck and going on the road, and then i had decided to order a modem before signing up for service so i could save on the monthly rental fee. so i was stuck and trapped at home with nothing to do. or i perceived it as such. it was too hot to go biking unless it was the very beginning or end of the day. and i don’t remember, but probably some or possibly many days, i didn’t feel like doing so. i was just sitting at home resisting what i was feeling and i think i finally made it through after a short while. i remember going to honeymoon island a few days after the year of low mileage was over and i was blessed to see the beautiful transformation that had occurred at the beach. the beach was widened a lot. it was huge. before it barely existed. it was so beautiful. and i think i got there the afternoon after they finished it. as the track marks were very clear on the sand and there were barely any footprints on it. it was pristine and beautiful and just created and untouched. it was symbolic of my freedom in no longer being tied to being stuck at home. so i went off on a bit of a tangent of what i had experienced and created for myself at the end of last summer. i think part of all of that is what has led me to be unafraid now when i my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me. i did get paid back everything that i loaned to him for the trucking company at the end of last year so i have some in savings which certainly helps, but i can’t live off of just that with no income as it will run out. i feel fearless about the situation, and perhaps part of it is because i feel free and no longer tied to the energies or drama involved with his whole company. i’m not sure what’s coming next though i welcome and embrace the unknown.

as i wrote last night, i’ve been thinking of getting a van and converting it into a small rv. even before all of this happened, i had thoughts about selling the condo and living from the road. i look at what do i do here all day and the more i let go the more i feel that i don’t need the space. yes there are some obvious benefits to having a home such as plenty of running water and not having to look for a place to park every night, though there are also some things i don’t like, such as the view from my balcony being the parking lot and the times i hear noise from the neighbors or whatnot. most of the time its quite nice and peaceful though i still ponder how much it costs to stay here and if its what i really want. i am grateful it doesn’t cost a whole lot though i think part of it is looking at the situation i’m in in having a mortgage and an auto payment. i don’t like feeling like i owe money to anyone. i want to be free of that. i don’t like having to pay interest on money i borrowed just to simply exist and experience life here. i see all of the corruption in corporations and banks and don’t want to participate in that system. life, society, the economy, and the world could look very different. i know it will. i see great changes coming and beginning to happen already. more people are becoming aware of what’s been happening lately and aren’t going to take it anymore. even some companies are starting to make subtle changes it seems. those that survive will be the ones that change with the people, as the collective consciousness changes. the world can be very beautiful. we won’t have to work to do something we don’t want to do just to earn money to buy things we don’t need and pay interest on debts we don’t want. as consciousness evolves, everyone will start to see clearly what’s been happening in the world. everyone will see that society has programmed them to think we need to purchase things, either to be healthy or to be happy or to be important or to matter at all. it’s all one huge system that’s been at play for quite a long time. if you stop to look at what really makes you happy, is it the possession of any of your things? is it having a really nice home that’s decorated or full of all of these things? is it having an expensive car? or multiple ones? stop for a moment and look at what so many define as success. would having all of that money really matter? so many people chase after this dream but it’s never enough. when they get that car, that home, that toy, etc, they may enjoy it briefly though it grows old quickly. sometimes very quickly. i’ve been there. so many times in my photography, i’ve thought of a new technique and it would feel like that is the one. when i do that one, then i won’t need to do anything else. sometimes the technique involved purchasing equipment. sometimes it involved researching and developing something unique that had never been done before. though when i did it, after a little while it didn’t feel like it mattered so much anymore. perhaps its different than the whole consumeristic drive of needing to have the latest gadgets and always upgrade. i’ve seen so many people always get the latest and greatest. and while i would research and see what was the newest technology, i wouldn’t always get the latest one. i would determine if its something i needed and if it was really best. though the whole system makes it hard to do so as things are marketed and pushed as being something you need. so many people think they need the latest smartphones, tablets, smartwatches, etc, etc. and so many people do it because the marketing is telling them they need it. or because they feel they need to keep up with everyone else. fortunately, i was never caught up in the needing to keep up or compete with others. sometimes i may have felt some of that energy due to being around other people that felt that, but most of the time i was free from it. look at all of these examples of how people look for things outside of themselves to feel better or enjoy life. look at how it no longer serves them. use these as a metaphor for your own journey as well. in your own life, in your own personal growth, spiritual awareness, etc, don’t go looking for the answers outside of yourself. look for the answers within. listen to your heart. your true guidance and intuition come directly from the divine, your higher self, god, the universe, the light, whatever you want to call that place where it comes from. this place is within you, or you may see it in a different place than yourself, though it’s not in the external physical world. and its definitely not in the mass media or the marketing or the social drive to need more and more.

go within. listen to that higher calling. there you will find your purpose. and your purpose might be to do something in particular in life, or it might be to change how you perceive life and take that perception and shift and perspective to everything you do in your life. as we let go of these burdens, these old things we no longer need, these old beliefs that no longer serve us, these fears that get in the way, these inhibitions of any kind, we become free. we become free to live life more fully in the present moment. we can experience the beauty in every day. we can truly feel and live life. we’ll know by our own intuition and guidance what to do in life. we won’t have to worry about trying to figure things out and making ends meet. a higher power will take care of all of that for us. yes we can choose to create our world and reality or we can choose to allow the divine to create it for us.

so where was i going with all of that? i’m looking at freedom in different ways. to be free is to simply be. to be free of all the constraints of life. i recall when i first moved to chicago having the thought come to me of needing to let go all constraints no matter what they were even if it was letting go of everyone and everything i had known at that point. shortly thereafter, my journey took a shift and all the pieces that unfolded over the years brought me to where i am today.

back to the idea of the van and the condo. i look at all of these things i have, not that there are tons, but there are and were a number. i see how many of them i don’t use any more and they just take up space. it’s not that my place is filled and overflowing with junk but even if something is sitting in a drawer or container and its not being used, its still taking up space. not just physical space but mental space. its taking up attention to some degree. even if its forgot. it feels more free to have less especially of the stuff we don’t need. it feels freer to have more space to be able to live lightly or to choose to create certain things should i so desire. i look at how much photography equipment i’ve had over the years. and how much was only used for specific purposes. and once those projects or techniques were over, the gear just sat there waiting to maybe be used one day when i wanted to explore that technique again. most of the time it wouldnt happen very often or at all. i’m glad equipment has become smaller and lighter and even small simple action cameras can do so much now with built in time-lapse features, waterproofness, long exposure capabilities, and whatnot. so much of these elements used to require so much physical gear. now one small piece of equipment can do most of it simply with software. i see so many things in the world becoming virtual and simpler. its part of a whole underlying trend towards simplification and minimalization. we no longer need tons of physical stuff to do simple things. just look at how much a smartphone can do. some people no longer use computers. some people never have had a computer and have been able to do much more than older computers could do with a device that fits in their pocket. look at how technology has progressed and how it has integrated and combined various aspects into a single aspect. this is the underlying message. simplify, integrate, combine aspects of life together, release what’s no longer needed, and be free.

okay so still attempting to go back to the van and condo. so in looking at all of these things we might accumulate that we don’t need, let’s also look at what do we actually do at home. i’ll look at my life as an example. most of the time i’m home when i’m not asleep i’m on the computer. a computer is something that could be simplified or minimized by using a laptop rather than a desktop computer, especially now with models existing that can be charged off of usb car chargers. usb charging alone is one great example of simplification and integration of technology. in the past all of that gear i wrote about would require its own charger. those alone could take up so much space. in my truck camper, i had a whole spot next to my power inverter just for charging batteries with the various chargers for the various types of cameras. it was something i really didn’t like having to deal with if not necessary. i’m glad that now, most cameras and devices can be charged off of one type of port. yes the cables may vary between then, but they all can plug into the same universal port and there are plenty of chargers and battery packs and devices to work with it and it doesn’t require a/c adapters and power inverters when in an rv, car, or traveling lightly. even some mirrorless interchangeable lens cameras be charged off of usb. this alone almost led me to sell one of mine and upgrade though i looked at if i would really use the new camera that much and ended up getting a wireless sd card for my old one instead so i could get the images off of it to post immediately and then stopped using that shortly thereafter as i changed my approach on photography. okay, so i’m getting into a lot details and tangents, though look at how technology has simplified. all of these aspects of life that are changing, evolving, or transforming are metaphors and examples for us to do the same. we change our perspectives, our beliefs, heal aspects of life that could improve, etc, and we’ll do the same.

okay so really getting back to the van and the condo. so what else do i do at the condo? i sleep. i eat. i use the bathroom. i do laundry. and i store things. that’s pretty much it. the more things i no longer need, the less space i need to keep them. a bed, a kitchen, and a bathroom all could fit inside of a vehicle. laundry even could. yes there’s more space in a home though in a larger camper or bus or whatnot there’d be plenty of space. some rv’s are as big as a small apartment! there are a couple things i couldn’t easily have in a van, such as my gong, though i haven’t used it much and i’m sure i could keep it with family or friends or find a new home for it. part of me wonders if i’d miss it or want it if i didn’t have it right there, though i could get a smaller one or just record myself playing it and have it to listen to later if i really wanted to. sometimes the letting go and parting process isn’t easy. these things have energy and memories attached to them. though it gets easier to let go as we continue on. a lot of things i can simply take a picture of and save the picture digitally on my hard drives and then always look at them later if i ever wanted to remember the thing. my hard drives are another thing that i wouldn’t be able to bring though i could find a place to keep them. years ago i remember thinking i could lose everything except my data and still be okay. at this point, i’ve become more unattached to my data. yes it’d still be nice to keep it though perhaps it would be freeing to just erase it all and let go. even to shut down my website or delete the older stuff. i’m not going to do that just yet. i’ve been back and forth about it. i see that some of the stuff on there, even if it was from when i wasnt feeling as good in the past, is still valuable and could tell a story. but ultimately what we need to let go of is our story. we must transform and change what no longer serves us. its all in our consciousness and we simply must experience it fully to take ownership of it and then stop creating it. we no longer need to play back the old re-runs of life that no longer exist anywhere but in our minds. back to letting go of the data and the hard drives. everything keeps getting physically smaller though able to store more data. i wouldn’t carry the full size drives with me if i were to live out of a van or traveling. i would get something smaller or use cloud based technology or just remotely access the drives. most of whats on them i don’t need to access regularly anyhow. i think that maybe i’d want to work on old photos and videos that i never got around to doing. i could either take a little bit of them with me at a time or just work on them now before getting a van and living on the road, if thats the route i choose to go. i’ve to complete a time-lapse later today or tomorrow. it’ll feel good to have another one done just to say its done and not have to think about it anymore. yes it’ll be nice to see what it looks like and hopefully it inspires someone else though more so it feels free just to be done and let it go. that’s what i’m really talking about with letting go of things in consciousness or even physical things. its saying you’re done with them and no longer being attached. you could even have some physical things though in not being attached to needing them then they no longer control you and drain you of your energy or overwhelm you. i would recommend not having tons of things because even if you’re unattached to needing them, they still would require certain maintenance or cleaning or upkeep that will take up your time and energy. what i’m talking about is what makes you feel free, however feels right to you. if its completely letting go of everything and not just writing a new chapter in life but writing a new volume, then do so. it can be quite liberating. though it needn’t be that extreme. you can make the changes over time. and feel a little lighter and more free every day or every week. as you let go of more and more. instead of thinking what else can i get, gain, or accumulate, shift your perspective to what else can i let go of? what else do i no longer need to be carrying around with me, whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally, etc?

sounds of birds at john chestnut park shortly before sunset

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