I realize how easy it is to fall back into old habits.. Today I rode my bike out to Lansbrook Park after dinner. While sitting on the boat dock near my camera that was creating the shot below, I briefly enjoyed the moment, the now, though quickly found myself going into my head to think of what I had to do to with the web application project I just started. I noticed a girl jogging towards the dock though looked away. As I got up to turn off the camera and go, I noticed she was sitting further down the dock, and turned off the camera, took it off the tripod and as I turned to get on my bike, saw that she had gotten up and was walking to leave too. I got on my bike and biked away slowly as I wondered what it would have been like to start up a conversation with her. A part of her almost welcomed it as she got up to leave just after I did, though a part of me was caught up in my own world. I could have had a great conversation with her like I did with Valerie and Mark at Sunset Beach last week, though I lived engulfed in my own creations instead. It seems that when we live in our heads we really disconnect from others, especially if we’re thinking of what to say when we are having a conversation, rather than just flowing smoothly, in unity with the others (and the world). It can be easy to fall into old habits of staying disconnected, quiet, or afraid to say something wrong, especially after already being in the mind, though I must remember to raise my energy and step outside of myself so I can interact with others. Even right now, I sit here struggling with the words to say, thinking of what I should write and what I shouldn’t write. Only the last sentence or sentence and a half came out smoothly as I was judging myself – yes, that’s what I was doing, I was judging myself for not talking to her, not saying something, beating myself up for it! I even rode my bike slowly around the park, hoping I’d run into her at the entrance if she went the other way, and she almost got to the front as I was getting there though then I let an outside event – the sprinklers being on in that direction – stop me from biking that way. It was an excuse really. Living inside our heads we look for excuses. We process, analyze, think, and do whatever we can to prove ourselves right in our limited perspectives when we identify ourselves with the ego mind. I just read in Power of Now before going to the park something along those lines – that we become so identified with our own limitations and problems that we are afraid to let them go as it’s like a part of us we’re letting go of since we think that is us! Wow, and now I just experienced that. I suppose it all did happen as it was supposed to, how could it not? If the girl shows up in the park another day, perhaps I’ll say hi or learn another lesson. We can learn lessons from everyone that we encounter in life if we allow ourselves to, and if we’re open to it. I welcome the lessons and the growth! I like writing these entries – I feel much better now after having these realizations and getting this out there. When I started writing it, I was feeling down and now I’m feeling okay, and like I’m on my path, living my purpose. Perhaps I was also beating myself up for thinking why am I even creating this website if I can’t interact with people in the real world? And why am I putting all this work on my plate if I can’t even enjoy the little moments in the day? It’s so easy to get caught up in the routines and all the stuff, all the ego-driven stuff, that I could let my purpose slip away. Though, I know that won’t happen, as I’m living it. Yes, a bit of me still wants to chase after things, especially things that will make my life easier so I can relax and enjoy the present moment, though that part of me isn’t fully in control. I welcome and allow my higher self to guide me to my true purpose, so I can live a god-realized, inspired life in the flow. It’s much more fun and fulfilling that way, and helps and inspires others too!