4.11.14 4.13 pm, 35 years on this planet
wow, it really amazes me sometimes how powerful surrendering can be. i was moving the app i built for my friend’s company to a new server and there was still one piece that wasn’t done, that i didn’t know why it wasn’t working. i merely accepted the fact that its okay, and went to a place of feeling good and relaxed (at the same time knowing it would work out on its own). as soon as i stepped into appreciation, the answer revealed itself to me and it was so simple!
these links below are the first two that showed up this morning in my facebook news feed. it’s funny how these are exactly what i needed to see at the time to share with others. there are no accidents :)
I’ve decided to sell my camper. I’m not planning any long road trips or camping any time soon, so I am going to part ways with it and put the proceeds toward purchasing a home. I’m sure I’ll do more traveling in the future, though right now a new home will better suit me.
The camper is loaded with the majority of options Four Wheel Campers offers. It has everything you need to camp, live, or work out of it on short or long trips, and without needing to go to campgrounds (unless you want to). It’s in great condition and in the little time I’ve had it, I’ve taken it on a couple of long trips where I drove through all 48 contiguous states! This truck camper was featured in Truck Camper Magazine earlier this year when I was interviewed about my truck camper journeys.
The camper was custom built by Four Wheel Campers — it was completed and ready for pick up at the dealer in October 2011. Most options were installed at the factory, though I had a few things added later by the dealer (they do custom installs as well as custom parts fabrication). The Keystone model is 9’ long and will hang out a little past the end of a full size truck bed. Its recommended to remove the tailgate rather than keep it down with the end of the camper sitting on part of it. For its size, durable build quality, and all the installed options, its fairly lightweight — its estimated to weigh 1500 lbs.
To read all the details about why I originally chose my camper and truck, follow this link: markmarano.com/2012/01/11/why-i-chose-a-four-wheel-campers-keystone-truck-camper-and-a-4x4-ford-f-150-supercab-heavy-duty-truck-with-ecoboost
To see lots of pictures of the camper, look here: markmarano.com/what/truck-camper
The camper is currently garaged in Tampa Bay, just north of Clearwater. You’ll need to come pick it up. It’s nice and warm here in Florida, with plenty of places to see as you begin your truck camper journey.
If you need a truck, I’m also selling my truck, a 2011 4×4 Ford F-150 XLT SuperCab (with twin turbo EcoBoost engine and Heavy Duty Payload package) that I custom ordered for the camper. It currently has about 38,500 miles on it and has most of the options that were available. I’ve driven it with care and most miles are highway miles from the long trips. The truck is a great fit for the camper and has plenty of power even when the camper is loaded and tanks are full. When the camper is on the truck, the back end sits level and does not sag down like some campers do on trucks. I built custom platforms for storage and to hold a folding bike in the cab (when the rear seat is removed) — you can have these with the truck or camper if you’re interested. If I haven’t sold the truck, I could consider driving the camper to you for an additional amount, though the camper will have to be paid for in advance (and payment will need to be cleared before I drive to you).
Below are the features and options on the camper (I’ve probably forgotten some). I have all the original instruction manuals and paperwork that came with the camper (and accessories/components). Please click here or on the contact link at the bottom of the page to send me a message if you’re interested in it or know anyone that is.
- very spacious feel compared to other pop up truck campers
- extended cabover bed is queen size and very comfy (can be made into a full size for more interior room)
- rollover couch with large storage area underneath (this is useful for sleeping on when you don’t want to pop the top on the camper though not as comfortable)
- interior lights in front (over bed) and in back (over stove + sink)
- gas strut lift assist system (greatly helps ease popping up the camper roof)
- arctic pac (this thermal pack provides better insulation in both cold and hot weather)
- forced air furnace with thermostat (thermostat is nice so its not constantly running all night — this furnace is very efficient on propane use)
- durable, lightweight, easy to clean vinyl flooring
- LED floor lighting with switch right near door
- fabric color on the roll-over couch and bed is tan, cabinets are birch, and walls are villa grey snow for a modern look that lets in a lot of light (all materials inside and out are high quality and long lasting)
- custom dividers I made for the under-seat storage area
- large low-power 12v/110v compressor fridge (this can be left running off the camper batteries as they charge from the solar panels on the roof — I’ve gone on long trips without plugging in and never ran out of power. If you prefer to run from shore power, the refrigerator will automatically switch over to 110V when plugging the camper into an electrical outlet)
- two burner stove (one burner is standard size, one is larger)
- smoke detector
- carbon monoxide sensor/alarm
- plenty of drawers + hinged cabinets for food storage
- fire extinguisher included (plus built in spot to hold it)
- 3 piece portable table (with a built in spot to hold the pole behind the couch)
- custom latches on a couple of the cabinet doors to prevent opening (if heavy food shifts when driving)
- stainless steel sink with hot + cold water (with additional valve on faucet so can keep hot + cold water set if desired)
- Nature’s Head Composting Toilet (this is an odorless, marine grade, high capacity, waterless, separating, compost toilet that uses very little power for the fan. With full time use, solids won’t need to be dumped for 3 weeks, though liquids will need to be dumped every few days)
- Thetford cassette toilet is available (this one is practically new. The cartridge easily dumps into any toilet though I prefer the compost toilet for the higher capacity)
- shower pan (with built in drain that drains out bottom of camper)
- shower curtain (with tubing for mounting in place and keeping in place at the edge of the shower pan)
- piece to mount shower head on ceiling (if you don’t want to hold it)
- longer shower hose
- cold + hot water for shower
- shower head has a built in valve on it so you don’t have to change cold + hot water settings
- in addition to inside shower, an outside shower is built in to the side of the camper
- additional longer shower pan I made that fits better in front of the Compost Toilet
- hot water heater with automatic electric start
- water pump
- plumbing for the sink to drain down low near the back of the camper (rather than out the side up high where it normally did)
- fresh water tank holds 22 gallons + water heater holds another 6 gallons
- outside water filler door has a lock plus a pass-thru to keep a hose attached when at a campground (if just filling the water, you can just hold the hose in the filling point rather than hook it up)
- hot water bypass valve
- low water tank drain valve (outside, at back of camper)
- 2 130W Sharp solar panels and charge controller
- Xantrex Prowatt SW600 600 Watt True Sinewave Inverter (a pure sine wave type inverter gives much cleaner/safer power for electronics, laptops, etc)
- auxiliary battery system with 2 batteries + separator
- 2 standard 110/120V electrical outlets (2 plugs each) plus one additional outlet on the power inverter for a total of 5 plugs/outlets (2 of the outlets are used only when the camper is plugged into power, the 3 others run off the inverter when on batteries or plugged in)
- total of 5 12 volt DC accessory outlets in camper (2 near front window, 2 on kitchen cabinets, and 1 near next to power inverter, near batteries)
- high quality 30 amp marine shore power electricity plug (plus adapters to use a regular 15 amp extension cord) with 30 amp power converter
- wiring harness to wire camper into truck’s electrical system (wiring into your truck isn’t necessary but will turn on the running lights on the camper body when the truck lights are on and will charge the camper batteries when the truck is running. you will need to install the matching socket for this harness to plug into on your truck and wire it to the truck’s electrical system if desired)
windows, doors, vent + hatch
- front opening window (additionally, I have a second window that I took the glass out of and put a screen in — this lets in a lot of fresh air and helps with a cross breeze while preventing bugs)
- small opening driver’s side window (with screen)
- Heki roof hatch (in front of camper, over bed – very nice to look up at the stars at night. the hatch can be locked into position where its partly open, or opened all the way to lay almost flat on the roof of the camper)
- roof vent with screen and fan-tastic fan (in the back of the camper, near stove + bathroom area)
- rear door has a dead bolt (in addition to a regular lock and being able to lock the handle)
- behind the rear door is a built-in screen door (very nice to be able to leave the door open for a breeze and not get bugs inside)
- four windows on pop up part of camper
- large side window on passenger side of camper body (opens + is screened)
- windows on pop up part of camper can be kept closed for privacy and maximum insulation, pulled opened to a clear plastic to see out, or pulled down completely to a screen to let in a fresh breeze
- small sliding window near rear corner of camper
- the door and all windows have slide-able curtains for privacy or light
- radius rear camper door with rain gutter
- 8’ side awning (on passenger side, extends out 6.5’, comes with long lever/handle to easily open and optional stakes)
- 2 10 lb propane tanks (accessible via small door on back. propane is used for hot water, the furnace, and the stove)
- rear yellow light next to door (very handy for finding things at your campsite)
- front rubber bumpers (to protect front wall of truck bed)
- very strong aluminum frame/cage built for off-road use (similar to an airplane frame: provides ability to flex, greater strength and durability)
- minimal height over cab makes for lower clearance height and lower center of gravity
- 4 Rieco Titan tripod jacks (for removing the camper from the bed of the truck)
- camper can be bolted directly to the bed of truck (for greater strength/security), or attached via a turnbuckle system to eyebolts built into camper (for greater ease in removal if taking on and off often)
- turnbuckle / eyebolt system is hidden under camper body but easily accessible from inside via small access doors
- bolt down hardware is included. if you want to use the turnbuckle system, the eyebolts are already installed on the camper though you’ll need to install eyebolts (or other mounting points) onto the bed of your truck and purchase the turnbuckles (these are available from Four Wheel Campers or you may be able to find something suitable at a local hardware store)
- white RV water hose
- water filter (attaches to the hose)
- water pressure regulator (attaches to the hose or filter)
- exterior dustproof + waterproof lockable storage on side of camper near water and electrical hookups
- custom camera tripod mounts on roof of camper, next to front hatch and above rear door (these give a great perspective view for video or time-lapse photos of your trip. I’ve had small cameras up there when driving and they stayed secure throughout the trip, though it’d be best to test this before driving at high speeds or off road)
- hitch mount step (makes getting into the camper much easier)
optional, also available:
- custom built camper dolly (needed to roll camper from driveway into garage if the ceiling is not tall enough to lift the camper up off the truck inside the garage. you’ll need to pick this up separately or bring a trailer as it won’t fit inside the camper)
- custom modified Yakima bike rack — the hitch mount has been extended so it sits far enough behind the door so the door can open with enough room to climb in (or the bike rack drops down and the door can open all the way) — it also has a large step built on to it that makes stepping into the camper very easy (this is located at the camper dealer in North Carolina where it’ll need to be picked up from)
wow, it’s funny that studies are just now discovering this. i recall realizing the dilemma between fully experiencing something versus documenting/photographing it nearly a decade ago.petapixel.com/2013/12/10/taking-photographs-weakens-memories-psychology-study-finds
[a.k.a. life on the road]
[a.k.a. life on the road]
just moved my office/studio to jon cancelino’s place.. here’s a live time-lapse webcam view with a circular fisheye lens pointing straight up:
what an adventure life is, when you surrender to the moment. some moments up, some down. sometimes both all at once! it’s a great experience. just learning not to resist it, nor get too caught up in it. as that occasionally happens. but it’s all perfect as it is. learn to see the beauty as it is. the perfection in all of it. the suffering only occurs in the mind, in its desire to see things a certain way and not seeing that particular way in a particular time. learn to shift that perspective. know that there is no good or bad. everything merely is. it is simple. yet difficult all at the same time. if one allows it to be. it need not be anything. that is the key to awareness. it doesn’t have to be anything. don’t look for it to be anything in particular. allow it to be what it is, and embrace what it is fully. yes, you may have preferences and goals. though don’t get caught up in them. they will manifest when you surrender to what is now. a goal does take you away from the here and now if it is something that is not here and now. think of it more of as a future plan. yes that is what it is, you may say. a desire to experience something in the future. but let it go. feel what it’d be like to experience that in the future and then let it go. forget about it. and when you arrive in the future, you will have that experience. if you surrender to the here and now. if you don’t surrender to the here and now you are not living fully in the moment. and these experiences can only be created in the moment, in the feeling, the divine connection to all that is. its all out there, everywhere, yet nowhere, all at once. it is all one. you are merely shifting perception from one part of the whole to another. you are already connected to it. just need to access that connection. and its not something you can think about. it can only be done. like these words coming out. i can see where they’re going sometimes, just a few words ahead. sometimes a bit further, sometimes not at all. i tend to look slightly ahead so i can have an idea of where its going. so i’m not fully 100% in the moment, but i’m allowing them to flow through. there is still the filter of the mind watching it. i can see the mind watching what’s happening here. i didn’t intend to write any of what i just wrote. i thought it’d go in a different direction but i would have had to think to make it come out. i rather just let it flow out naturally and effortlessly. [that's how it all should be. there really is no effort needed. everything is all connected in flow when you're in tune with it] so i just let these words flow out as these were the words that were coming to me at the time. so even this has an element of surrender. all great works are probably done as such. surrender and let the divine take over. it is far greater and more powerful than the mind.
now is the time for things that have been rare to become normal, and things that are normal to become rare.
things so many see as normal like violence, hatred, separation, war, struggle, greed, and judgment will begin to diminish and soon be completely eliminated from this world.
things like peace, acceptance, connection, unconditional love, harmony, and miracles will soon become everyday experiences for everyone.
i just sold my truck to put the funds towards a condo i’m buying. i’m also selling my camper as soon as i find someone interested in it. though a part of me will miss the journeys, having my own place feels more like what i need right now. i will still travel in the future though will consider other options, depending on where and for how long. unless going on many long journeys and keeping a truck and camper for a long time, it may be much more cost effective to stay in hotels (or tents, etc). it’d be nice to be able to stay anywhere one can drive to, though perhaps the solution is simply to get a smaller vehicle that’s comfortable enough to sleep in for one or two nights at time. driving around town would certainly be more fuel efficient and fun in a small car that gets twice as many miles per gallon and can be maneuvered much more easily in small spaces. i may also consider a van (like the sprinter or other similar models coming out now) as it’d be far easier to park anywhere without drawing attention that you are camping in it (and would have lots more interior room than my camper and truck did).
i look forward to having my own place, as it’s been over four years since i was settled in my own space. since then, i’ve been between places, travelling, or living with others, and it’s certainly felt different (and at times not very peaceful). seems like this new place will suit what i was looking for all along. it’s within a mile or so of two nice parks i like to go to that are right on the lake, and in a quiet area with nice trails to bike on. the beach, the gulf, and other parks i like are not too far away either. (and it seems i’m discovering more healthy places in the general area too!)
Gregg Braden takes us on a short trip through consciousness that connects our feelings and our mass reality.
it’s time to reignite the passion once held close. to let ggo of the mind and its desires. i’ve been so caught up in the mind lately. and for so long, i can’t remember when i last wasn’t. i’ve got to limit my exposure to technology. all i’ve been doing is working on techniques and technology, that i’ve allowed the mind to take control. it’s so easy to get caught up in it when you’re using it. the mind is a tool. i need to make sure i don’t let the tool take control. by deliberately doing things outside of the mind, more and more often, i can let go of the attachment to the mind. the mind will begin to quiet down. if one gives full attention to the mind, one can lose control to it. one must stay present, aware of the mind, but not get sucked into it.
the present moment is all that matters. it’s where one connects to the highest power within. divine guidance is always available should one accept it. allow yourself to be fully guided by the divine, in the moment, and it is far greater than thinking your way through things. life will become effortless and everything will occur very naturally in such a state.
it’s funny right now to watch the mind trying to take over. it’s watching the words as they come through and is trying to edit them or think of where they want to go. by doing so, it’s limiting the natural flow of the words. the mind wants to make this a longer, deeper message but perhaps right now its not meant to be as such. perhaps the message is simple. most higher messages are very simple. only the mind tends to over-complicate things. it wants to further explain and elaborate when its not always necessary to do so. in fact, most of the time, its probably futile to do so. going in to further depth may only be the mind wanting to satisfy its own desires. if the message is that simple, someone else can understand it. perhaps not in the same way you understand it, but they’ll get it, at some point. the mind may want to go further into detail or re-explain in other terms to get the other person to figure it out, but its not always necessary to do so. in fact nothing is necessary. everything just is. it is as it is. and it is perfectly so as such.
re-kindle the flame. follow your passion, your heart’s desire. this is where your life will truly become alive. where you will fully live and flourish. don’t think about whether it makes sense or not. it most likely won’t. you don’t need the mind’s permission to do something. if your heart desires it, expierence it. that’s where true learning occurs. not in researching or thinking or trying to figure it out, but in actually doing it. intellectual learning can only get you so far. you must fully experience what it is you are to experience in order to fully learn and have the wisdom of doing so.
be the change you desire.
i’m excited because i’ve been feeling it get closer and closer. i know i’ve been getting back on track. yes, it’s been taking a while, though i know i’ve been on the way there. all these little projects i’ve been working on are coming to a point of completion. or a stoppping point for those that are not complete. and as such, i can let go of all the attention and energy i’ve been putting into them so i can focus on greater things. explore new things, my [higher] purpose, and such.
life is awesome when you allow it to be. all you need to do is allow it to be. its so simple. relax. step outside of your self, your thoughts, your need for things to occur a certain way. relax into the what is. embrace it. really explore it and see how amazing it is, being the way it is. even if the mind wants it to be different, no matter how much so. it is so great and perfect the way it is. as one ascends to higher levels of awareness, one can see so simply the perfection in all that is. from a lower vantagepoint of the mind, the self, one may see it as pain and suffering, though as soon as one relinquishes one’s desires, one can be set free.
freedom, at last. not in what one can do, but in how one does. the mind stops to think there, does that make sense? does it need to be further explained? its funny to watch. the mind trying to understand it can be quite a thing to watch. start there. examine your own thoughts. just watch them flow by. don’t stop and analyse and criticize. but just relax and watch them. find the humor in them. think about if it were someone else thinking these things, what would it appear like [to see this from an external perspective]? can you step outside of your own mind and see it from an external perspective? don’t think too much about it. just know its possible. if you can’t now, one day you will be able to. and so effortlessly so.
does the mind really serve you? thinking about your thoughts, thinking about everything. what point does it have? looking at your own thoughts, imagine these thoughts being observed by others. how would they see them? not how would they think about you, but would these thoughts benefit them? would it be of any use? do these concerns even matter to you? just relax and observe.
okay, enough of the mind. just embrace the world, your world, as it is. and truly appreciate your life, and all of life, as it is. perhaps its not perfect in your eyes, but know that its getting better, day by day. each step forward brings one closer to what one wants to experience. though as one begins to experience more of what one thinks one wants, one begins to realize what one thought one wanted isn’t what one truly wants. sometimes one needs to go down the path long enough to fully embrace this. one can even get sidetracked for quite a while. but deep down inside, one always knows what one’s true desire is.
now it seems that i may have left out some parts. but perhaps those parts were not meant to be seen at this moment. they’ll all be revealed later, in their own perfection. don’t worry or think too much about it. it felt like these ideas were going somewhere but then i lost them. so i just relax and let it be.
just got the Raspberry Pi NoIR infrared camera module.. here’s a live time-lapse webcam with it:
[a.k.a. life on the road]
i had a great time with friends from Chicago and Clearwater during Club Divine at the Flowering Heart Center this afternoon! what a unique experience with amazing energy! check out the rest of the Florida tour at
it is beautiful to begin to notice more and more glimpses of the global awakening
though subtle, they are significant
just had a thought.. what if everyone i meet in this lifetime is someone that i previously met in another lifetime [and agreed to meet, on some level, in this lifetime] [parts of the great conversation earlier with Marielee seem to be processing..]
so why even write all these things? in a brief moment, a few moments ago, it came to me that i was once inspired by coming across some odd thoughts or perspectives. this seems to be my attempt to re-create that experience. though not just for myself, for others. i’d be curious to come across these seemingly random writings and try to make some sense of them. so i figure someone else out there would probably be curious and interested as well. if not, that’s fine too. perhaps i’m the only one that will ever read all of these. if i ever do. but it’ll be a work of art at some level. i suppose. if that’s what you want to call it. again, let’s not think too much about it. let’s just allow it to happen. re-create the experience of allowing like to flow so vibrantly. there’s nothing to fear. you’ve been at some pretty high states of consciousness. let’s live from those places. everything will be totally fine. if not everyone gets it, then not everyone gets it. but there’s nothing wrong with it. everything will unfold perfectly. don’t try to strive for perfection as you’ve done for much of your life. just allow it. you know that’s when it’s all been good. when you’ve allowed it to just happen, it unfolded brilliantly. don’t ya think i’m guiding ya here? you know you’ve been divinely guided and there’s nothing wrong with it. the divine always has your best interest at hand.
but how do i really know what the divine wants for me? simple. just live your life. you’ll find out. sorry if it sounds blunt but it’s really that simple. life is really easy if you just allow it to happen. the only one making it difficult is you. when you decide to step out of your own way, it’ll be perfect and brilliant and all again. and yes it can stay that way permanently. what do you think this era is all about? why do you think you chose to experience this? i know, i know, i know. ya don’t have to keep telling me. i just want it to happen now. it is happening now! when else do you think it could possibly happen? i mean i want it to happen but i don’t want it to happen all at the same time. well then that’s why it’s happening and not happening like that for you. i get it, i know i’m making this all up.. but what do i do? just decide, if that’s what you’re asking. just decide and it will happen the way you decide. i know i can do that but i don’t know what to decide because i have conflicting thoughts. then work out the conflict. or just decide not to have conflicting thoughts. simple. easy. just think simple and easy and it will happen like that. but there’s so much i want to do. well then do it. but i don’t know if i really want it. then figure it out. or just allow life to happen. it’s easier like that. allow life to flow. i keep saying it. i know ya do. i know but i think you don’t want what i want. of course i want what you want. we’re the same being. just different parts and perspectives of the one. okay, how do we make the perspective whole and simple. ahh, you just don’t get it. get what? get that there’s nothing to get. in the sense of understand. the moment you try to understand, the moment is lost. when you stop trying to understand, you understand. sounds like this sort of zen saying that sounds neat and all but its hard to understand. then you’re not allowing it to happen. just be. be.
this is everywhere i’ve been when traveling in my truck camper since i got it. a couple of places (mostly around florida) may be missing as i didn’t track it all in the beginning, and some routes might be slightly off as some gps data was missing [the lines on the map that are straight without any curves probably aren't the exact route i took, but rather the average from one point to another further away when the gps location was saved].
i just got back to florida this weekend.. if anyone wants to get together, drop me a line. i'll be around for quite a while.
i'm also looking for a small car to get around town. the truck and camper isn't exactly the easiest nor most efficient vehicle to drive locally. if you know of anyone who's been very meticulous about keeping their car maintained/repaired and very clean, and is looking to find a new home for it, let me know.
wow, how amazing does it feel to step into a place of power. and to know beyond all doubts what i am capable of. to know i have an infinite source of possibility that i can choose from. funny to try and write this. the fingers on the keys cannot keep up with the feelings. the feelings are boundless, infinitely large. trying to think of words does not work, especially as the fingers are unable to keep up. it is an incredible feeling to know that i can radiate higher energy. to inspire others, to be present, to feel great strength, like i can defeat anything. perhaps some is a bit exaggerated from what i actually felt. but feeling into it, i can intensify the experience and make it more real. life is awesome. to step outside of one’s comfort zone. to know what lies on the other side. it is a rush to feel it and know i can keep going with it. funny as most of the day i wasn’t feeling anything like it, then all of a sudden, i get a phone call, and i step into this place of confidence and knowing. and phone calls like these i typically avoid just as it seems routine. now i can see it in a different light, and embrace the experience. every moment presents itself uniquely. no matter how routine it may seem. there is always something new to learn and experience. from a new light or a new place. the world can seem totally different if you shift your energy. i wonder why i write all of this. it is so much more powerful when i speak it and feel it. writing it takes me a step away from it at times, especially depending what it is. allowing it to flow naturally and radiate outward is so much more powerful and amazing. that’s where i’ll live from.
[a.k.a. life on the road]
[a.k.a. life on the road]
This is it. It is this. It's all that is and if you see me smiling it's because I'm no longer standing in its way.
[side note: once again, don't force anything. or really just step outside of yourself. of your need to force it, or resist it. i just got out of bed, and it wasn't quiet earlier, and i still felt tired. though in feeling tired, and continuing to dwell in it, i wasn't able to tune in to the words that i wanted to come out. i know the words wanted to come out because i felt inspired to wake up and write something. perhaps it was last night, perhaps i could have written it then, though it seemed like i'd be more clear now, though perhaps i'm not, as i am a bit tired. so the lesson could possibly be to not put things off. to live fully in the moment. to engage with it, trust it, and know its going to take you where you want to go.] i can see a part of that in some interactions in chicagoland, and at other times as well. the most important thing is to live fully engaged in the moment. life is awesome in the moment. everything flows perfectly. there is no thought of what to do [or perhaps very little, but its not a burden]. life is effortless [to a certain degree]. it just unfolds on its own. perhaps not everything is ‘perfect’ as the mind wants it to be, yet it unfolds perfectly and smoothly and it all ‘makes sense’ or feels right in a sense. expect the unexpected and be okay with it. be ready for anything. in the moment, you are. when you step out of the moment, you lose contact with it, and things could easily slip by. i noticed multiple times when i wasn’t in the moment, or i was lost in a different moment, rather than the present moment [or perhaps it was part of the moment but i wasn't engaged with who was there with me], and i missed what they said or missed the opportunity to let spontaneity flow through me and have a better interaction and experience with the other person. it’s good to notice that i can notice it, that it can happen, that the moment can slip by. it’s the first step. the next is to decide to stay in the moment. to choose to be present, to engage, to interact. to be unafraid, and step outside of one’s own ‘stuff’. that’s really all it is that gets in the way, is one’s own stuff/junk/drama/thoughts/desires/etc/etc. once one surrenders them to the present moment, one can be much more aware and engaging with what is. resistance falls away. do not resist. it gets you no where [funny as i began to see the word 'know' or know-where come out of my fingers unto the screen.. that is what happens.. resistance gets you into the part of you that wants to know, the mind. the mind pulls you away from the moment. its a balance of knowing when to use one's mind for whatever it can help with, if anything :), and staying present in the feeling of the moment. it can be tricky, especially as i do very analytical and technical work, and find myself in front of a computer screen for many hours of the day. more and more i realize the need [okay need isn't a great word, but in this perspective of not having/choosing it, it seems like one].. the need, or better, the importance, of doing things to stay out of the mind. that must be the balance. going out and exploring, seeing where the feeling takes me. [the couple nights i went to the sound healing at kristin's were great as i followed the feeling to get me back to joe's place rather than check the map. i ended up going different ways, both times, than i had gone in the past, but the feeling guided me there and i didn't need to check the phone. the first night the phone was in the trunk of the rental car so it worked out that i couldn't check it unless i stopped and went to get it. at one point, at least each time, i recall feeling almost lost or uncertain as the road was changing and didn't seem to be going in the right direction, yet i kept going forward without turning back and got to where i was going. also went a different route without checking the map the last day finding my way back to drop off the car. i remember doing that a lot in the past, as i didn't have a phone with gps, and rarely checked maps. i remember sometimes it being fun to check the map when i got back home to see how far i had gone after wandering for hours.] okay, forgot where i was going after that tangent. i’m sure it will come back to me. it’s all about surrendering back to the moment and allowing it to flow. [or i could go up and look at what i was saying before for inspirotion.. hnmmm.. lets see what decides to flow through] ahh yes, i had some great experiences. it was pretty busy and i was feeling pretty overwhelmed and tired, almost worn out, by the monday afternoon before i left. i learned that i really gotta take it easy, relax more, and not allow myself to get caught up in stress. especially as everyone at the office tends to get very stressed out over all the little things that are going on as the company is expanding. most of these things i’ve known, just allowed myself to forget. i’ve always known the importance of relaxing, though in being around others who aren’t relaxed, i’ve tended to take on that non-relaxation. community is very important. i’ve know that, and have truly embraced it in the past, though part of me has resisted it at the same time, as i’ve been traveling and haven’t been settled down in one spot in quite a while it seems. [i have, but only for months at a time, and i feel i want to be somewhere where i can say its gonna be permanent, even if it ends up not being permanent. its more about the feeling. i know what i'm resisting. i'm resisting losing friends, or not being able to see them after a while. i've allowed that to make it harder to connect with others and make deeper friendships and bonds. i love the connection so much that i resist it. it can be so amazing, though when its gone, it hurts so much. but i suppose i must realize i have grown since past hurts and ought to just take the step forth and by deciding that i'm living in the moment and allowing it all to unfold as it does, it will all work out perfectly. part of me knows i'm always taken care of by a greater force, though part of me doesn't fully trust it. perhaps its from the past hurts and resistance to experiencing those again. it's been more than once that i lost great connections with others. yes, perhaps some of them i could have gone back to, and some friendships i've attempted to rebuild, or more of just re-connect and spend time together once again, and it's been cool and has been great to see old friends again. though i really appreciate a community of others on similar paths who i can hang out with, bond with, support, get support from, chat, join, etc, etc. it's awesome to participate in activities, events, and just run into others in a great community. it feels like home, family. i miss the spiritual communities in chicagoland when i come back to florida. mostly it is the friendships but also the events we go to and participate in are great and healing too. i'm going to explore the communities down here and make friends here. part of me almost says i could go to chicagoland and just stay there though i really dread the long winters. if winter were only like a month then i could do it. though there is a really different feeling down here too. the air seems fresher. i love the water and the parks around here. it is a very beautiful place compared to the congestion, overpopulation, crime, drama, dirt, etc, etc found in big cities like chicago. no not all parts are like that -- some parts of the city are very nice and have a great feeling to them, though there's so much going on in the realm of thoughts and anxieties in the city, that i allow myself to get caught up by them. perhaps it just the old me that i'm looking at too, as i recall it being worse in the past, or just resistance of some sort, though i'll have to explore that later if i desire. i know i could just be making excuses too, but.. took a few seconds there to feel more into what was going on. still not 100% there yet, though it feels like i just connect more with the nature down here. there are some nice natural parts up there though i like to feel the aliveness of nature throughout the year. the dreariness and cold make it rather difficult for me, especially when surrounded by so many others and their thoughts and anxieties. sometimes driving into the city, or just getting closer to it, i can feel this huge burden or weight of anxiety coming upon me. there's so much going on in people's heads that gets in the way. and all that going on is so close to each other. it truly is like going into this huge thoughtsphere. though i suppose i can learn to go of it. [before going into this idea, i wanted to mention that it was great to see it from the plane. i flew from o'hare and recall seeing the houses and areas when we took off, seeing the chicago skyline in the distance, and then looking down a couple minutes later and seeing midway airport, and noticing just how dense and on top of each other all the houses were. so much of the green disappeared and became replaced by the manmade as the houses were compacted up against each other.] back to letting go of it, i feel like i was able to surrender from my perception of the chaos when i engaged fully in the moment. maybe that’s all it is. is stepping out of the mind and into the present moment and one isn’t affected by all the thoughts and chaos going on. one disconnects from it. after going to the service at bodhi, i went to brunch with marielee and had a great conversation and connection with her. i just decided to live in the moment, and the conversation went in a direction that helped me do so as well. i love exploring these ideas, and just allowing them to flow through me. sometimes when i write they do too, but its great to engage in person with someone else and allow the words to flow through in the moment. we sat outside the restaurant on a somewhat busy street — at first, i thought it might be too loud, but for the most part, i barely noticed the cars coming by. i must have been pretty into the moment that they didn’t bother me as much. it’s really just shifting focus and attention. also, i began to forget that others were sitting on the tables next to us, or not worried, as i would previously had, especially when conversing about spirituality, consciousness, the mind, world, etc, etc. it’s awesome to see that i’ve become much more comfortable discussing these things with others. perhaps part of it is just surrendering to the present moment and allowing it to flow. at that point, the mind is not there stopping me from saying it. its funny when the mind does that, thinking whether or not it should say something or not. it was great too as i barely slept the night before as i ended up sleeping that night on the couch at joe’s and it wasn’t very comfortable and i also had set the alarm and had to deal with it [and as i no longer uses alarms to wake up, it can be difficult to wake often thinking i'm going to miss it or resist even having it there or whatnot]. i’m grateful joe made the suggestion to get the rental car as i may have not done as much without it. marla invited me to a kirtan chant circle at her friend andrea’s which was really great. i’d only gone to one kirtan a while back but with many more people. this was nice as there were only a few of us and it was great to participate in the chants and feel the energies. it was interesting to see it all unfold. i hadn’t made lots of plans, just figured i’d go to the sound healing and blessing at kristin’s if i could borrow a car, though ended up going to much more which was great. there’s more i want to write, though i’m losing focus as i know i have work i want to do and am thinking about eating breakfast too. overall it was a great experience. especially in what i’m learning, in really just deciding to get back on the path, continue forward, stay present, and embrace the moments. these last couple years seem like i’ve just been getting all this other stuff that i’ve wanted to do for a long time out of the way, so i can embrace what i want to do now. perhaps i could have just not done the other things, but part of me still wanted to, and i didn’t want to live with regret of not having done them. i know its all exactly as it needs to be. and realize that parts i don’t fully understand will probably make total sense later on when i see where it was taking me and why i had to experience them as i did. sometimes these lessons appear multiple times in different ways to one might have the opportunity or chance to live it differently. it’s interesting that the first full day in chicagoland i got a text from my sister that my dad got laid off from work. now i’ll have the chance to spend more time with him and make the relationship better. it seems like i had the opportunity a couple years back when he was in the hospital and recovering afterwards, but then we both went to our old selves. it’s funny how all the pieces come together in this divine plan. i’ve wondered recently about god-realization, and it seems the beginning steps in the path is realizing the presence of god in everything and everywhere, such as in realizing the grace that was there and every little thing that had to take place for this moment to occur. in just knowing it, seeing the pieces come together, and just feeling the deep connection to everything and everyone. i’m sure i’ll elaborate on it more and explore it in the near future, perhaps here in writing, or in experience. the glimpses i’ve had of it are amazing and i know my connection will deepen as i continue to grow on this journey we call life.
it does really all seem that this is all as simple as deciding. you have the power, the key, to unlock it all. decide how you want to feel and feel it. remove all obstacles, should any arise. it’s that simple. you want to know god? decide to know god. be grateful, act on the connections, the flow, the feelings, everything related to god. tune in, and you’ll receive the broadcast. it escalates from there. there is no limit. you can keep connecting, deeper and deeper until all you experience is god. or so it seems. i speak from what comes through me. these answers, visions, solutions, etc may only apply to my perspective. it may be different for you. but do whatever you are guided to do. tune in to your own heart, your deepest feelings. that is where your answer shall reside. what words are you drawn to from what i write here? focus on those. just one example. whatever your attention is drawn to, must have some significance to you. explore that. the messages are everywhere, should you allow them to be. it is awesome, the greatest experience in the world to feel connected to the world, to life, to others, to god. this is where we are all going. as we all awaken, we are growing in our connection, at so many levels. god is available to everyone, even those who don’t believe in god. god may not be what you believe in. it is just a word that we are using to describe this incredible thing. though it’s not a thing. it’s more of an energy, a power, a connection, a feeling, etc, etc. or maybe it’s none of those to you. maybe it’s so much more. it’s our origin. our source. the light from where we came from. it is life itself. think of it as life if you don’t know or like or agree with the word god. think of it as a divine connection. think of it as a friend. if you must think. the thinking is what stops. when the thinking stops, what is left is god [or whatever you desire to call it]. it’s the present moment. the here and now. all that is, as it is. there is no limit to it. when we step out of the perception of the mind and into the perception of reality unlimited, unhindered, it all changes. drastically so. evolve. let it roll. let it flow. embrace it. be it. it is life. it is awesome. love it. it is love. it is peace. it is all of this and so much more.
where does one go when one stops to flow? or the question is more of where does one go when one stops the flow? why stop the flow? why allow the mind to get in the way? back in the day i used to allow things to flow so effortlessly and naturally. though perhaps it was due to social norms and the need to try to do something that i had to start to attempt to force it. though it doesn’t work the same when it’s forced. just like this message. i had this feeling earlier and it’s not coming through quite the same trying to type it up.
this is the dilemma i put myself through. but why? that’s what i’m truly looking for. it seems that these ideas came to me at some point and i thought it’d be great. in the moment it felt awesome. but it was just an idea that i was feeling in the moment. it wasn’t something i necessarily had to do. yes it would be neat to do but not a necessity. but i turn it into a necessity. i make myself do it because i had the idea come to me. and i though it’d be great or neat or fun or whatever. all these things are really an escape from the present moment. yes but they are happening in the present moment. just like how when i wrote that.. or am writing this.. it feels like its coming through more naturally and more effortlessly (if that’s even something you can say), though it’s not quite there. like when i went back to correct a letter that i didnt type.. it somehow slipped between my fingers. but i go back to try and fix it. to make it right. but there really is no right or wrong. why not leave it the way it came through? it seems to be so that others can understand it better. but why write for others and not just for me? it all is just one me anyway. but the other parts of me don’t always quite understand that. in fact some seem to be quite the opposite on that thought. but what do i do then? does it even matter? just allow it to all happen, however it wants to happen. thats surrender. that’s letting go of resistance to the moment, and not forcing it. forcing it doesn’t work. that’s what happened back in the past. i was forced to do things i didn’t want to do or i forced myself to do things i didn’t want to do, perhaps after being forced..? but anyhow, it’s this force we must surrender. this reminds me of power vs force, perhaps that thought is somehow related.
but where do i really want to go with all this? it seems that i do all these things that i’ve been doing [including writing this msg? not sure, maybe, but it feels different now].. the other things, like the aerial photography, driving to every state in the country with my truck and camper [ok, only the 48 connected ones, not all just yet], etc, etc. i do these things just to try to be happy or that i thought i’d be happy or enjoy them. but they’re always not that enjoyable. i try to make it sometimes but sometimes its not quite the same as i intended. or perhaps the intention wasn’t clear? i don’t know all the answers for the answers aren’t what matters. what matters is the experience and the feeling. i try to convey this feeling through other mediums. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. when i’m connected to the flow, it works. when i try rather than allow, it may not work as well.
so is it all based on resistance? not all of it, but only when i try to do it rather than allow it to happen. but the issue is that it doesn’t always want it to occur and i want it to happen. so there’s some control or desire coming to play there? it seems like that’s the case. because it did flow at one point and it felt awesome and i’m trying to re-create that experience. so what happened was that i fell out of the moment and i’m trying to slip back in. see, it’s all this trying rather than doing. it’s not the same! just do it. it’s simple. but the dilemma is that i don’t know where the moment will take me when i reconnect to it. it could take me anywhere. yes, of course, and we’ve been through this so many times in the past. but the past really isnt real is it? it’s only as real as you make it. if you want to live in the past, go ahead, but that’s only taking you away from your moment of now. but — look at all these excuses. all buts, trys, etc, etc. where do those all get you? surrender to the moment. just let go. completely let go. that’s what you could have done so many times. but you failed to. you deliberately stopped yourself from doing so. but that’s where you want to get to. back to the moment. and no, you can’t always know where the moment is going to take you. but you’ll know as it’s happening, and you may get a couple hints ahead of time. don’t worry, nothing “bad” will happen. for there is no bad. but yes you may look at it as it could be bad because it’s not the good that you seek. but it’s all experience. and if you live fully in the moment to experience it to its extent, then it will all be fine.
i know we’re all here for the experience, but when do i start experiencing it? when you decide to. all you have to do is decide to. you’ve seen many times you can powerfully create what you desire. and quite quickly when your intention is fully there. so manifest experiencing the moment and then you’ll be there experiencing the moment. really? is that how it all works? it’s really that simple? yup, if you want it to be. how do i know these voices are really telling me the truth? well, first off, it’s not really a voice. sorta but it’s more of just a flow, and there’s only one. dont be a smartass. i love being a smartass. i relate to you how you relate to me, remember. so if you appreciate it great, if you don’t, well look at what you’re communicating to the universe there. how do i know all this isn’t just the mind processing and analysing all this stuff at some high level? well, what if it is? then it’s not truly divine inspiration. who says it isnt? can the divine not work in whatever way it chooses? well i suppose. why even have all these conversations with the divine? if that’s what they even are? because it’s fun. it’s part of the process. i don’t know, you’re the one who chose to do this. at some level, at some point, it was intended. you and i are the same. yes there is only one voice, one experience, one perspective. but it can be seen from multiple angles. multiple vantagepoints. different ways. but the same. it doesn’t quite make sense from a mind that knows how to look at things a certain way. but to a mind that is willing to see from multiple ways and is open, it makes total sense. so wasn’t this whole thing about transcending the mind? yes. okay, then why are we talking about the mind? because that’s where the conversation and flow went. it’s that simple. don’t question everything. questioning is really taking you away from the moment. unless the question is spontaneous of course. then it was allowed to manifest on its own. it came from divine guidance. but if you’re stopping to think and question, you’re not in the flow. but where do i go?
to flow? here. now. not then and there :) okay, let’s stop playing with words. but duality needs words, so let’s mix them up a bit. so it’s getting all altered and changed and looking different now. it’s getting all jumbled up. wait, you saying it wasn’t jumbled up to begin with? :) of course it was. but that’s beside the point. none of this is supposed to make sense. what is the point of it all? to confuse me? to confuse others? i thought this was to inspire. it’s an internal inspiration of the i from the i to the i by the i, etc, etc, forever. it always comes and goes. if you want it to. should you allow it. should i desire it. should i/you be it. none of this makes entire sense. just like these words coming out. i don’t know where the words are going, i’m just typing them as they come out. i’m following htem in the moment, for the most part, and not trying to see where they’re going. look, you’re learning by experiencing. allow it to happen. it will flow through you. it doesn’t have to be forced. you don’t have to try and make it happen. just like these words are coming through that’s how you live life. wow was that the point of all the words that have ever flowed through me? like i said, allow it to happen, don’t try to figure it out.
this is a map of my journey this summer to chicago and the rest of the 48 contiguous states i hadn’t yet been to in my truck and camper.
the trip from chicago to maine and back to florida wasn’t quite as epic as my journey last fall. this one was 4680.4 miles in just under 3 weeks. getting from florida to chicago was only 1373.6 miles in 5 days, though i stayed in chicagoland much longer than originally intended. the whole round trip including time and driving around chicagoland was 6563.5 miles in 9 weeks. i took my truck and camper across the border to canada for the first time to go to roosevelt campobello international park. i ended up sleeping in a parking lot near the lighthouse at the northern tip of the island as someone i met up there (who was towing a camper) told me the locals said it was fine and there were no signs indicating against it. i had met someone else in the park at the southern tip of the island who told me about that lighthouse location which i didn’t know about before. perhaps i’ll take a trip to all the provinces of canada and alaska in the upcoming years..