life in florida, september 2016: high water + erosion after hurricane, wandering around some parks, and a short trip down south
(a response to my friend Larry to an email/article he forwarded to me)
“I figure it out as I go.”
that’s usually what i do in my creative or technical process…. though i let the big things that i think of as important work differently.. i try to over-think them and know all the details and answers ahead of time rather than just let it all unfold and only figure out the little pieces as i go.. i could ramble on much more about this.. and how this is allowing the divine/universe to bring exactly what we need at any point in time and just what we need, nothing more, nothing less.. we don’t need to know all the answers ahead of time :) i’m just about ready to order my van. actually am waiting now on the dealers to get me quotes so i can place the order. i will go check a couple things tomorrow to make sure i want all the options i’ve picked, but other than that i’m ready to roll. it’s exciting! i even see how everything is unfolding perfectly.. the other day, out of nowhere, a friend of mine who i met in chicagoland wrote me saying she’s in georgia, just over the florida border, and thinking of moving there and wants to collaborate to build a sustainable community. a couple days after that, i run into my neighbors when getting back home (who i usually don’t see or run into that often), and they say they’re looking to buy a home (they’re renting the unit downstairs) and they may want something bigger than my unit but their son might want it. it’s crazy how it can all come together so smoothly and effortlessly when we’re in the flow :) this is how life should really happen. and just like how i’m writing this to you. thank you for the inspiration. i wanted to type up and share the “miracles” that unfolded the other days but didn’t, and now i see how responding to what you wrote me was exactly what i needed to share them and type them up. thank you! life can really flow like this and all the time, if we allow ourselves to live life like this. we need not get stuck in the things we’re resisting or not wanting. let go, let it flow. i don’t know exactly what everything will look like in selling mostly everything and living out of a van, though i’m sure it’ll be a fun adventure. part of me was over-thinking it and thinking how much money i’d essentially lose selling a car i just bought 2.5 years ago (after selling my truck after around the same amount of time of owning it and losing a whole lot on it), but hanging onto what we might have now just because of some fear of losing out while not fully enjoying all aspects of it or holding ourselves back from something even better is no way to live. so it’s time. time to let go and be free. and allow this amazingly beautiful life to unfold before us, and flow through us in new expressions and enjoyment and consciousness.
thank you Larry, gonna post this on my website/journal!
Myna Aashna – 5th Dimensional Consciousness Calibration: Go 5D Daily!
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it was a very calm moment. i felt like everything was okay. it was a little strange just having met someone from my hometown (a small town in new jersey) down here at the park near my home in florida. after he left i continued on shooting another time-lapse clip. that’s when it struck me how odd it was.. how odd to be meeting someone from the same small town way down here. i had never met anyone from there anywhere else. he had even gone to the same school i had gone to. we briefly chatted only for a few minutes or moments. time seemed irrelevant. i felt more fully present in the here and now. and everything felt calm all of a sudden. one might think perhaps it was the beautiful weather or the feeling from meeting the guy or from what i was working on in my photography.. though it felt deeper and more profound than all of that. it felt like i had ascended. just a bit. but from this higher place everything was peaceful and okay. it felt like the encounter was a divine meeting of sorts. it was funny, as at first when i felt him standing there looking at the camera, knowing he wanted to ask something about it, i only said a couple words. though on his way back a minute or two later we spoke much longer. [i can see how this was all part of the divine orchestration or lesson of what i might miss by being too caught up or focused on my own goals rather than allowing the divine to flow through me and take me where i’m going]
back to the feeling and feeling that i was at a higher level. it felt a little eerie like i remember feeling in a dream around nine years ago. in the dream i remember being in a really strange place and encountering a little girl (when no one else was around as everything was all run down). i think i asked where i was and she told me it was thought city, where people go to process their thoughts. at the time i was really stuck in the mind and anxiety. and thought i was actually stuck in that place when in that dream or alternate reality. here it felt really different. the opposite of being in the mind. really calm and peaceful. and from that place i knew everything was okay. i’m not sure why it reminded me of that dream. (perhaps i felt this calmness when in that dream, i don’t recall) i think it was the feeling that the meeting or place was so strange that it had to have been divinely orchestrated.
or it was the feeling that i knew i was here in this reality but i really existed at a higher level than it. i was in the world but not of it. i felt it and knew it. and it was okay. no matter how weird the world was, it didn’t matter. [it was like i was awake, lucid, in this dream we call reality/life on earth, and this life on earth almost felt like it was a temporary meeting place for those of us who are stuck or traveling through this plane of existence.. almost like i was in this heaven/hell “loka” that some see earth as]
maybe it was just the experience of realizing how subtly more present or relaxed i was. i need not try to figure it out but it’s fun to look back at this and see if i remember any of it in the future. or perhaps it’s insightful to someone. it doesn’t matter why. in feeling called to write, despite the inaccuracy of conveying feeling into words, i am doing so.
this is the life i want to live. where i just wander and explore and meet others in their own journey and it’s all perfectly orchestrated at a higher level. and i continue to ascend into higher levels of awareness while still embracing this experience on earth. i think part of this process had been about realizing how caught up i’ve gotten in things that don’t matter and trying to control or make things happen. rather than just enjoying and embracing the journey (and trusting it) and allowing it to be a meditation. i read a good article earlier about the tao or zen of photography and treating photography as a meditation rather than forcing it. it was a good reminder.. that’s when it really was more meaningful. in that ascended moment it felt like i had gone back to old ways in photography.. where it was more of play and not so serious. perhaps that with a brief reminder of childhood it allowed me to integrate some feelings and ascend to the presence.
it’s funny how the divine and universe work like that. i didn’t think about coming to the park when i did. i happened to at that time because that’s when i heard the noise from the lawn crew at my condo. and then i left and came to the spot i had thought of to do the shots i wanted to experiment with. as i was driving in the park i thought of another spot or two to explore though i ended up where i did. this is part of why my work has always had the element of experimentation and perspective and perception in it. it’s a subtle message for this higher reality we can all live from if we allow ourselves to.
i also had thought of an experience i had six years ago at the avatar course where it was really bright and i was doing a walking exercise/meditation that brought me into the present — during this experience, i was able to walk with the sun in my eyes and still see and feel fine without it bothering me at all. i was resisting the sun a little when i first got to the lake as it was really bright and i was thinking i needed sunglasses (which i’ve only worn like once in many months). when i was talking to the guy, i had my hand in the air blocking the sun as i was facing directly towards it. a little later when i felt calm and at peace, it no longer was an issue and i had forgotten about the sun bothering me (i may have not been facing directly towards it though i had integrated the overall brightness and i didn’t notice it like i did when i first got there).
it also seemed like time disappeared. i didn’t feel like i was in the park that long though the time had gone by quite quickly even though i had only taken a few short time-lapse clips. [as i’m editing this right now, i just realize it’s been an hour since i got home and it didn’t seem like that much time had passed. i guess time and space truly do disappear as we expand to higher levels of awareness.]
a thought i had ten years ago also came to me a little later: do whatever it takes to remove the burdens from your life. and most of these burdens are in your own perception.
i made it home so now i can type the rest of this on my computer rather than the phone…
another layer to all of this is that i was almost (again) at the point last night of totally quitting photography. i had an issue where a new camera i just got couldn’t perform the function that i had purchased it for. i won’t go into all the technical details though i found myself in the midst of deciding i would just return it and also return the lens i had just purchased. the divine had left me little ways out to get my money back. the lens had a little mark on it when i got it and the camera wasn’t properly doing the function i wanted so i thought i could just return them and be done. i was also having an issue with the infrared camera that had fallen in the pond a few weeks ago and was thinking i’d just sell that or i could repair it and keep using it.. anyhow, i’m starting to get caught up in the details. this is the reason i’ve been wanting to quit photography is because i get too caught up in the mind in the technical aspects of it, rather than allowing myself to be inspired and do the photography as a meditation. i get so frustrated trying to create new technical ways of seeing the world and i’ve also found myself getting frustrated trying to make things as efficient as possible and to cost as little as possible, so even little things like getting a refund on the ten dollar app i bought for the camera end up frustrating me as i’ve often had to jump through hoops to get to undo whatever mess i find myself in by getting trapped in the mind or technical aspects. these technical and mind aspects of life may serve a purpose but we cannot live there. they are not where life truly happens. living in the present moment is so much more meaningful than technical achievements or making things happen a certain way. those are all so short lived. last night when (or after) i was photographing the stars at honeymoon island realizing the app on the new camera wasn’t taking the time-lapse photos the way i had expected it to, i accepted that i might just have to return it all and save the money instead. i thought i could always get the equipment later and i really don’t necessarily even need it right now, but then i thought of all the work i went into getting the very best deals i could on them. part of the frustration was that i’ve been trying to simplify my life but still see myself falling into the trappings of the mind and desires, and part of it is from not trusting i’d get the same opportunity later and thinking i need to work to not miss it.
when i had such a strange yet simple encounter that was perfectly orchestrated by the divine/universe earlier this afternoon it must’ve broken me out of all of that mess and taken me into the moment. i’m not feeling it completely now, though it felt like none of those burdens/chaos/mess that the mind created existed. i was completely out it.
that was the feeling.. it was like when i was doing the process/exercise at the avatar course in the summer of 2010. it was realizing that i was there in the environment/world and i was out of my mind and everything was totally fine. i normally don’t have thoughts running in my mind.. it’s been pretty quiet these past few years since my transformation at the courses, though i feel that i default to still residing in the mind. i think with the combination of the experiences i had, or simply with divine grace or growth, i naturally relaxed and stepped out of the mind and into the present moment. i integrated whatever was there or released it or whatever happened and there i was, peacefully awake in the world. it was beautiful how i just realized it without any effort or trying to get there.
i see myself having many more moments and experiences like this as i continue along this journey. i know i lived from a higher place years ago after shifting some perspectives and transforming at the avatar course though i allowed myself to go back to old ways and old influences over the years since then. i feel i’m getting back on the path and as i re-align with this journey of growth and transformation, i’ll continue to have this sort of experience. perhaps the clearing of obstacles course at the flowering heart center in clearwater on sunday helped these life experiences occur so i could release and integrate what i needed to. the course was really great as i didn’t have any expectations or think too much about it (as was the case when i first went to avatar), and i had some feelings arise so i could experience and release them, as well as some insights come to me. i’d highly recommend any of the courses michael and suzanne have created this past year. they are all great and expand upon each other to help one heal, grow, and transform.
perhaps a part of it was also videos i’ve recently watched about ascension and the fifth dimension. when i watch, listen, or experience something in this spiritual journey, i realize how insignificant all the little troubles in life really are. getting caught up in stuff that really doesn’t matter is such a waste of time. all that really matters is being fully present in the here and now. planning or thinking too much about the future (or past) is such a drain of energy and time. it takes us out of the beauty of the present moment, where we can realize higher awareness, connect with others + the divine, experience miracles, etc, etc. if you find yourself not fully at peace or in the present, remember to stop whatever you’re doing and take a few moments to meditate, relax, drink in the beauty of nature, or do whatever helps you step out of your mind. when living in the present moment rather than the burdens of the mind, you’ll discover that it doesn’t matter what it is that you’re doing, and that what really matters is simply being.
six weeks ago today, in a less-than-brilliant moment, i decided to walk across a concrete barrier/dam at the edge of a retention pond in a local park. it appeared that the water was barely going over the top of the concrete and was really only flowing a bit in the middle. i took a step forward on to it and the next thing i knew, i was falling down. i hadn’t thought about the possibility of the ledge being quite slippery. apparently that part of the ledge was darker because there were some really slippery plants or algae growing on it. on the way down, i felt my right hand let go of the tripod that was holding my camera on it. i thought to myself something like “really?” the camera was not waterproof nor water resistant, and i had it custom modified to photograph infrared light. the modification cost much more than the camera itself and it likely wouldn’t be covered by a warranty once the repair shop saw it was altered (let alone if they saw it had water damage). i landed on my butt on the ledge. it was a bit of a miracle (or divine grace or simple luck as some may call it) that i didn’t fall into the pond or slip in a way that i hit my head. i did have a few cuts that were bleeding a little but it wasn’t that bad. my phone in my pocket and keys in the other pocket didn’t fall out or get splashed (i was lucky as i had damaged my previous phone simply by using it with wet hands while using its flashlight to try to find a camera that fell into the gulf early last year). realizing i was okay, i placed my keys and phone on the ledge to avoid any further loss when rescuing the camera out of the pond. i didn’t see exactly where it had landed as i was looking forward while it went flying to my side or behind me. thinking of it, i don’t remember if i even was looking at that point.. all i remember was in that moment knowing i was falling, feeling the camera let go and hearing it go into the water (and thinking really god?), and then realizing i was on the ledge wet. i must’ve completely surrendered to the moment as soon as i realized i was falling and couldn’t do anything about it.
the tripod and camera were completely underwater and i couldn’t see them from where i was. the water was very dark and i didn’t know how deep the pond was. when i reached into the water in the direction i thought it might be, my hand quickly found the tripod and i lifted it out of the water. apparently it wasn’t that deep or the tripod landed in a manner that i was able to reach it. i’m glad i didn’t have to dive in to try to find it. i pulled out the battery and memory card and let it sit in the sun. i then (much more carefully) made my way across the ledge to retrieve one of my sandals that had floated away when i fell. my shorts were soaked and i didn’t have a towel in the car so i waited a while in hopes they’d dry out in the sun. i removed the lens from the camera and changed its position while waiting to hopefully dry it out as much as possible. while sitting there not knowing how i was going to drive home without getting my front seat wet, the idea came to me of emptying out my messenger bag and just sitting on that. while not as ideal as a towel, i thought it could work and i ended up dropping my shorts as they were still very wet and sitting in my boxers on the bag. i wondered if anyone would see me but stopped worrying a little sometime during the drive and focused more on that. luckily, it wasn’t that long of a drive home though the shorts lowered around my legs probably made driving and working the clutch a little more challenging (can’t remember exactly at the moment). it was also good that none of the neighbors were out when i was getting out of my car in the parking lot at my condo. after making it home, i probably showered as i didn’t know how clean the water in the retention pond was as there was a water treatment plant nearby and i wondered if that was where the water was coming from as the ponds seemed to be man-made (it didn’t smell bad like it was sewage water though i still wondered).
that evening, i went to help my friend michael at the flowering heart center in clearwater with something on his website before the weekly satsang. when i got out of the car to go inside, my back really hurt just getting up. later that night and the next day, the body was hurting a good bit. i decided to take it easy and try to rest that following day. i had left the 528hz miracle tone playing on my computer (i may have left it playing overnight, and had it playing in the background during the day). sometime that afternoon i realized that i was feeling better and 90% of the pain was gone. i don’t remember exactly when, maybe a couple or few days later, all the pain was completely gone. the scrapes and cuts healed soon after. i can still see a little bit of where one of the cuts was on my arm, though it feels smooth and pretty normal.
after the memory card was dry, i downloaded all my images without a problem. over the past few weeks i left the camera sitting so it could completely dry out. for the first few days or week, i had it in the glovebox of my car thinking the heat of the car could help dry it out. most of the time after that, it was sitting in the sun in a plastic zip-lock bag with silica gels in my condo. i would move it or flip it every so often. i did pull the camera out of the bag at one point after the first week or two to dry out the silica gel and bag in the oven. the bag had melted to itself and ended up with a few small holes in it when i tried to pull it apart, though i still put the camera back in with the silica gels (probably the next day). during the last couple weeks, i almost forgot about it when i left it on the windowsill where it’d get the sun during a good part of the day. the other night, i turned on my oven to 170 degrees, the lowest temperature i could set it to, and then turned it off as soon as it beeped that it was up to temperature. i opened it up for a little bit to let some heat escape, and then placed my camera on a paper towel on top of an oven mitt, along with the lens (that had just sat in my office, sometimes in the sun, sometimes not). i checked it a couple or few times after putting it in, opening the oven door for a little bit to let some heat go out to make sure i wouldn’t melt anything inside, and then left it there overnight. the day after, i pulled it out and left it in the sun in my office for a day or two.
yesterday, not really knowing if it’d work or not, i popped in the battery and turned it on. it was asking for the date like it did when i first got it. the screen looked normal and it was working. i set the date and went through the menus to see that it appeared to have remembered all the other settings i had previously set. i grabbed a lens to test it, and saw that the camera appeared to be working totally fine even before i focused the lens. i inserted a memory card and it saved a couple photos like normal. when i played them back, it was showing them as vertical when they were shot horizontally. perhaps the orientation sensor wasn’t working, though if that’s the only loss, i could deal with having to correct the rotation of images on the computer (and who knows, it might start working eventually.. for now, i adjusted the setting so the camera doesn’t automatically rotate the images upon playback). it does appear that the infrared-pass filter (that was installed in front of the sensor where the ir-cut filter typically is) could be cleaned, though again, if cleaning the sensor is really all it needs, that’s no big deal (and its still functional shooting at wider apertures where the dust or watermarks don’t really affect the picture so much). i really didn’t know if i was going to have completely lost the camera or have to pay a lot of money to repair it (or maybe just use the gopro camera i converted to infrared instead, or convert my older mirrorless camera myself rather than pay a lot for the professional conversion again), though i am grateful i don’t have to worry about any of that. i tested the lens and it works totally fine too (and it’s an autofocus lens with a power zoom mechanism so has more electronics and moving parts than most of my lenses). the lens may need to be cleaned a little but i didn’t notice the watermarks affecting the picture quality in the quick test shots i took yesterday. (i wasn’t worried at all about the lens and was willing to accept that it died if the camera would’ve worked, though am glad both are working)
another thing that worked out is that the new wide angle lens i recently got appears to work with the infrared-modified camera. a lot of lenses often have ‘hot’ spots appear in the center of the image as they’re not designed to photograph in the infrared spectrum of light. it looks like this one may have a little bit of a hot spot that’s more noticeable if i stop it down, though it’s not as noticeable at wider apertures. and it’s definitely far less noticeable than the previous wide angle lens i was using before i decided to get this new replacement lens. i primarily got this lens for star-lapses and use on my regular color camera as it’s faster and easier to focus in low light. it’s an added bonus that i can also use it for infrared photography when i wasn’t expecting to be able to (as i recall seeing it on a list of lenses that don’t work for infrared).
always remember to look for the good in life. even when things don’t happen the way you want them to, they still can work out. falling into the pond, thinking i may have just destroyed an expensive camera, and feeling physical pain were not exactly what i wanted to experience, though i surrendered and accepted it, and inside, i truly believed it was possible that the camera would be totally fine and it was. when we believe something can happen, we open the door for the universe to present us with that possibility. i realize not everyone may believe that the world is a product of their beliefs, thinking, or perception, nor have faith that a higher power can work miracles, though even to the skeptic, over-analytical, or scientific mind, just think of the possibility that the camera and lens were only immersed underwater for around a minute or so (or maybe less, i didn’t sit there counting the time) and that water may not have found its way into the most critical components of the camera, or even if it did, it may not have been that dirty and by pulling out the battery quickly, not much electricity may have run through it to short out in that brief time and all it needed was to dry completely. being open to the possibility that something can happen, regardless of if you believe its happening because of something scientific or spiritual, allows for that possibility to unfold in your experience of life.
sometimes the best thing we can do is simply relax, accept/surrender/allow, and forget about what happened so the mind doesn’t take us somewhere we don’t want to go. had i been worried or resisting the whole situation, who knows what would’ve happened.. the physical pain may have lasted longer and who knows if the camera would’ve worked or not. i had the thought cross my mind that maybe i should’ve put the camera in the oven closer to when it first happened to try to get out any water and moisture that may be inside, though i didn’t worry about it and just trusted that it’d be okay. i also began to accept the possibility that maybe i wouldn’t have it and would have to shoot with my infrared gopro camera or not at all.. i became detached from the outcome. this became easier as i was starting to see myself too engulfed by my photography and began thinking maybe i should quit or stop altogether. perhaps that’s part of what manifested the camera falling in the water. i thought that when it happened though then thought okay, i don’t really want to lose the camera as being the reason i have to quit. it was funny as just a minute or two before i decided to walk across the concrete edge/dam, i was getting tired of shooting the long video clips. had i followed the feeling of not wanting to photograph any more at that time, it wouldn’t have happened. instead, i followed the mind thinking maybe i should stay a little longer which took me into the water. [it’s funny seeing how i just wrote that and how that ties right in to how i started this paragraph.. i added these last few sentences later and wasn’t really thinking about where it was going and i just realized that i was guided to tie it all together.. that’s the beauty of learning to live through feeling, flow, or the heart rather than living through the thoughts of the mind all the time… and it looks like this that i just wrote ties in to the next sentence too (which i had previously written).. its brilliant how the divine flows like that!] as i’ve learned to shift my perspectives on life and what’s happening (especially the parts i don’t like so much), i’ve learned to trust that the divine is guiding me and everything is working out exactly as it should. i’ve learned to stop trying to force things to work out or make them happen, and just try and know they will happen (or something better will). it’s a far simpler approach and allows you to enjoy life along the way much more. yes, there still is ‘doing’, though the more time we spend ‘being’, the more we open ourselves up to be able to experience the true beauty this life has to offer. life truly is a magical experience if we open ourselves up to experience it as such. the more i relax and trust, the more i can see this. i’ve had unexpected moments recently where i just felt much more peaceful, relaxed, or have felt the presence of divine / unconditional love or something beautiful yet difficult to describe in words. i wasn’t trying to create these feelings.. they just presented themselves to me in this journey. it feels like part of it happens from this whole process i’ve been describing of letting go, trusting, surrendering, etc, etc.. it opens us up to flow with life more or for life to flow through us more. we get back on track, in tune, and things work out much more simply or effortlessly, and we live more fully in the present.
so what can we do to embrace life more fully in this manner? it’s best not to try to ‘do’ anything, though if we do want to something, spend time looking at your life internally. go deep within and look at the beliefs and stories you’ve made up about life. see that’s all they are: beliefs and stories that were made up (or told to you by someone else and you took them on). and decide to let them go if they’re no longer serving you. as we bring to light and become aware of these aspects of ourselves that may be unconscious, we can then deliberately decide whether we want to keep this as part of our consciousness or not. if it’s something that no longer serves us, we simply fully experience it and let it go. the more we let go, or forget, the more room we open up for whatever we do want in life, or for whatever is already there waiting for us (but unable to arrive because we’re so full of the past self-limiting beliefs or pre-conceived notions). all we have to do is shift our energy/consciousness in order to see changes in our physical and mental reality. the mind likes to keep track of things and remember, though this remembering does not serve us. this keeping track eats up our attention and prevents us from experiencing new things in life or simply being fully present and alive in the here and now. forgetting can be handy in the physical world too.. i had forgotten about some fruit i had purchased that i left in the fridge and have been eating the remainder of it the last couple/few days. today, just before writing the last couple paragraphs, i ate the last mango i had. it was much softer and more ripe than the previous ones and it tasted so much better and sweeter. had i been thinking too much about making sure i eat all of it before it goes bad, i would’ve had it sooner and wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy it as much as i did. it was the best conventional mango i’ve had out of all the ones i got in the recent weeks. perhaps that wasn’t the best example or didn’t exactly fit in here, though i wanted to share how good it was :) getting back to looking at the limiting beliefs, it’d be good to really look at every single aspect of your life and every single aspect of how you perceive life itself, and observe where it all comes from and see/realize how these beliefs/perspectives are really altering and creating your perception of this reality. you could get lost in this so you don’t need to spend every single moment doing this, though it’d be helpful to do as often as you feel helpful. if you’re feeling stuck or that life is not flowing like it could, then it’d be helpful to spend a good bit of time engaging in the inner work so you can work through whatever blocks are there. if your life is okay or even going well but you’re still feeling a little bored or like there could be something more fulfilling in life, then that’s another time to dive into your consciousness and discover what may be lurking within. other things to ‘do’ in this journey would be to simply do what inspires you and what you feel driven or called to do.. there’s a reason you feel so passionate about something, so follow it and see where it takes you. it could be a lifelong adventure or it could be something short-lived that takes you to something else. whatever it is is fine.. it’s taking you one step further along your journey so embrace it. life is a never-ending process. if we feel too stagnant, then that’s when we begin to feel stuck or feelings and thoughts that don’t serve us may begin to linger. if we regularly shift how we’re feeling, what we’re doing, or how we’re perceiving life, we can continue to grow, evolve, and expand, and can bring about great change not just in our own lives but also in the lives of others and of the earth. if we already are following our passions and inspiration, then it’s also good to take time to just relax, meditate, or go to nature, and ground ourselves back here on earth in the present moment. this balance of engaging with our inspiration or higher calling/purpose and of simply being will help us along the journey so our energy isn’t just entirely focused on the same thing all the time. it will open us up for new possibilities and growth if we make subtle changes, even if its as simple as changing the time of day you do things or the order you do things in.
life can really be simple if we allow it to be. finding peace is as simple as learning to shift our own perceptions of life. creating peace in the world is as simple as practicing this and sharing this with others. the more of us that discover and create inner peace, the more quickly we’ll see peace manifest and unfold in the outer world. the beautiful world we desire is closer than we think.
The Love Revolution – Matt Kahn/TrueDivineNature.com
Responding to Global Tragedy – Matt Kahn/TrueDivineNature.com
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Sadhguru’s Chicago Book Tour Talk 13th October 2016
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Focusing in One Direction
how beautiful it was to simply lay in the grass for a short while on this sunny day. it was cooler today than it has been lately. in the shade, 71 degrees felt a little cold though after walking for a little bit to the lake nearby, it felt nice to just lay down in the sun. at first i thought i’d just walk around the lake or partially around and sit on a bench and then go back home. something told me to go to the grass. it was subtle, though my attention was drawn to it, almost like it was calling to me. at first i resisted, then decided sure, why not. i let go of thinking of what others might think of me just laying down there and just surrendered into the moment. looking up at the deep blue sky, i felt more present and relaxed. a couple bugs landed on me though i didn’t let them bother me too much and then they went away after a bit. the energy of the the brilliant sun and earth below me was grounding. i felt better than i did earlier sitting inside my condo bored trying to think of what to do or resisting being there. something so simple can be so energizing. i feel rejuvenated. just walking toward the pond i felt a little more present or relaxed as i noticed the trees around me and wasn’t thinking so much. relaxing and being present is one of the most beneficial things one can do in life. remember to take some time for yourself to simply be present and do something that calms you. while staring up at the bright blue sky above, i began to see little bits of something in the air.. i had experienced this long before. it felt like i was seeing little bits of energy moving about. i also noticed the little bugs in the air though when i focused in a certain way and noticed the energy, it felt different. it was like it was in a slightly different dimension or plane or something. while laying there i got the idea of driving down to the causeway to shoot a time-lapse of the stars tonight. i had thought of that earlier though wasn’t quite feeling it and was thinking maybe i can do that later as i’ve been shooting footage to create monthly time-lapses and this wasn’t a new month yet and i had also thought of maybe wanting to post still images to instagram of some of the shots along the way.. when you let go of the mind and it’s overthinking or needing things to be a certain way, things flow much more simply. while laying there, i felt like it’d be good to go tonight. i don’t need to wait, and it’d be good to just hang out there while the camera is running and see how cool it gets or how it is to hang out there for a while at night (as i’ve thought of doing van-life next year, and perhaps selling my condo as i may not be able to park it here and living out of the van for a while, and it’d be good to feel what it’d be like to spend more time in nature). so much of the time i spend in nature is usually doing something.. either riding my bike mostly for exercise or walking around to photograph. it was nice to just be present and just be, rather than have to do. it was so calming. it reminded me of how i would sometimes be in the past, though i had lately been so caught up in needing to do. simply being or feeling is so much better than always doing. i looked up at the tree near me and thought what if i wanted to photograph it because it felt so nice and i wanted to capture the moment.. then i thought i could carry a camera and just photograph when i feel inspired but not feel the need to do so all the time, and i also thought i could simply just be and enjoy it without photographing it. there’s no need to capture everything. sometimes it feels like it comes out of the fear of what if that moment never comes again or something like that, though living from a place of being, beautiful moments will always unfold. then the mind also thinks what about wanting to share this beautiful experience with someone else.. but then i could see how many thousands of beautiful images i’ve already created and realize i don’t necessarily need any more. shift how you see aspects of your everyday life, and you’ll see how beautiful the world becomes as you transform. this whole illusion really is a mere byproduct of what we’re feeling.. if we’re not liking our experience or want to change it, all we simply need to do is change our perspective and our perception of it will change what we’re seeing. and sometimes all we need is to take a walk out to nature and fully embrace it and allow ourselves to relax so we can really experience being there rather than thinking or feeling other things we may have been going through. oh, and i almost forgot to add that the whole walk to the lake nearby was inspired.. i walked to get the mail and wasn’t thinking i’d go out to the lake. after checking the mail, i felt like going for a walk to the edge of the pond and followed that feeling. i hadn’t locked the deadbolt on my door though quickly forgot about that and didn’t let that bother me as i thought i’d only be gone for a minute, though when i got there, feeling how nice it was but not knowing what to do, i thought maybe i’d walk around or to the bench on the other side or something.. as i started to make my way around the lake, i then was drawn to the grass after noticing how beautiful it was out and calm i was being out there. simple exploring is so fun and calming. and inspiration is always there for us if we choose to tune into it.
Let Us Make It Happen
Why So Much Suffering in the World? – Sadhguru
What is Enlightenment? Sadhguru
Different levels of Oneness and Enlightenment. Sadhguru
Have You Ever Met Any Himalayan Teachers? (Part 1) Sadhguru
Have You Ever Met Any Himalayan Teachers? (Part 2) Sadhguru
Are Dreams and Life just an illusion? Sadhguru
Is time travel possible? Sadhguru
What is the Third Eye? Sadhguru
Are Psychic Powers and Telepathy Real? Dr. Devi Shetty with Sadhguru
Life is Celebration – Sadhguru
Ancient Wisdom in Modern Times – Deepak Chopra and Sadhguru, moderated by Ms. Chandrika Tandon
Sadhguru – Nature of “The INNER SELF” and important Questions on Yoga
Of Love and Life – Juhi Chawla In Conversation with Sadhguru
somehow managed to get out and shoot some video while literally spending the whole month editing the old life on the road films..
i highly recommend the classes at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater. the one today “Altering Destiny” had a powerful process. i experienced healing and feeling how beautiful the future world is going to be. it felt pretty incredible knowing the direction we’re heading. i noticed a subtle shift in my perception afterwards as others and the room felt and appeared a bit different. i’ve also seen it get a little easier and more natural for me to connect with others recently. it’s quite amazing how the world around us can transform by simply doing the inner work and asking for the divine to help. here’s a link to the class if you want to check it out or take it online: floweringheart.org/Destiny.htm
this is a compilation of all 72 days of the journey i took from chicagoland to california and then to florida, from september 6th to november 16th in 2012. this is running at 5x the normal speed (otherwise it’d be around 19.5 hours long). it includes all of the following parts:
– from chicagoland to california [a five week adventure]
– life in california [three and a half weeks]
– from california to florida [just under two weeks]
sleeping under the stars time-lapse [some of the places i slept while living life on the road in 2012]
these are all the star-lapses i shot on the journey i took from chicagoland to california and then to florida, between september and november of 2012
South Dakota • Badlands National Park
Oregon • Crater Lake National Park
Wyoming • Devils Tower National Monument
Arizona • Grand Canyon National Park
California • Kings Canyon National Park
Nevada • Lake Tahoe
California • Mount Shasta
Washington • Mt. Baker National Forest
Washington • Ross Lake National Recreation Area
Utah • Zion National Park
Oregon • Crater Lake National Park
Wyoming • Devils Tower National Monument
Arizona • Grand Canyon National Park
California • Kings Canyon National Park
Nevada • Lake Tahoe
California • Mount Shasta
Washington • Mt. Baker National Forest
Washington • Ross Lake National Recreation Area
Utah • Zion National Park
recently i started watching livestreams of speeches author Marianne Williamson gives weekly. the one from last night was pretty good, a lot of it was political, though she spoke a bit about what we can all do to help make change in the world. here’s a link to it: livestream.com/accounts/11464019/events/6590930 most of her livestream links usually disappear a couple days after the event — if you want to watch future ones, you can sign up for them (for free) at her website: marianne.com if you want to see one before then, there is one from a few weeks ago that is still online: livestream.com/accounts/11464019/events/6336347
i also recently watched a video by Matt Kahn speaking about The Love Revolution that had great energy. here’s a link to it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFS84Jp1qfc
one last thing i’d like to share is an article by Charles Eisenstein i saw the other day: newandancientstory.net/this-is-how-war-begins/
i hope you find these perspectives helpful in a time when so many of us are divided
What is God?
What is the Purpose of Life?
“Is my life pre-destined?” – Sadhguru answers
Why was the Universe Created?
Is our Existence Created by What we Think? Sadhguru
i’m looking to meet a sweet girl who desires a relationship, or new friends with similar perspectives on life.
some things i like:
– being outdoors
– exploring new places
– deep conversations about life
– cuddling, spooning, intimacy
– goofing off
– watching something funny
– meditation, higher awareness
– photography, creativity, writing
– healthy food, mostly vegetarian
– adventures around town
– romance, falling in love
– enjoying + living in the moment
Man's chief delusion is his conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness.
- Neville Goddard
Energy Upgrade – Matt Kahn/TrueDivineNature.com
The End of the Old Paradigm – Matt Kahn/TrueDivineNature.com
recent miracles (yup, this got long but all the details are connected and part of the unfolding)
a couple weeks ago i felt like going to one of my favorite parks around here, honeymoon island. when deciding what camera gear to bring, i felt i should bring my setup to do a time-lapse of the stars in case i want to take some photos after leaving the park at sunset. when i got to the park, i saw they were letting people in for a halloween event they were holding. i recall having seen the signs a week or two earlier and thinking i won’t go that day so i’m not in the midst of all of that and it might be pretty packed. i had forgotten about it and saw that one of the parts of the park i was thinking of going to was where the event was. i drove around and was going to go to part of the beach further away from where the event was being held. i think it was after passing the parking lot where the event was, i realized that if i were to park there, i’d fit in with all the cars of everyone there for the event and i could photograph the stars after it got dark as the event ran til 10. i went back around the loop and headed to the parking lot where they were parking cars for the event and found a spot a little further into the lot. i then went for a short walk on the beach.. there were a number of people around though i still took a couple 360 degree time-lapse clips of the beach and water. i went back to the car to wait for a little bit until it got dark (and in case they’d be driving their cart on the beach to kick people off after sunset). near the end of nautical twilight, i grabbed my gear (and a thick shirt i thankfully had left in the car a few days earlier, as it was pretty chilly with the wind blowing) and headed to the beach. i walked to a spot just a little bit up from the parking lot and started taking some night landscapes. shortly after i got there i saw some lights coming by and hoped it wasn’t someone that’d be kicking me off (though i was off in a little spot to the side where they may not have seen me). luckily, it ended up being a few people fishing. i wondered if they worked for the park (as i saw a sign for a friday night fish fry) though it didn’t seem that they did. i thought perhaps they were doing the same thing as me and staying late the one or two nights the park was open late. it was a little cloudy but the sky opened up after a little while and i probably got some decent shots of the stars. it was also really awesome to be able to experience the park at night. even just driving around the park on my way out was exciting to get to see it like i had never seen it before. it’s funny as recently i was looking at the park webcam and thinking i should have a look at it at night as i’ve only looked at it during the day to check out the conditions of the clouds. it was a really nice unexpected surprise and little miracle for me to end up going to the park the night it was open late and get to stay and experience it after dark (and have the gear with me that i needed to photograph a time-lapse of the stars). sometimes miracles are totally unexpected and the various layers and dimensions all come together in new ways.
after experiencing the beauty of the park at night, i decided to go back the next evening as they were having the same event a second night. i went to the same parking lot and found a spot, though there seemed to be more cars and i felt there’d be more people this night, so i ended up moving my car to the same spot i had parked in the night before (a little further out) as it’d be less obvious i was sitting in the car while waiting for it to get dark. i walked up the beach for a little bit and saw some people already set up with lots of fishing gear in the same spot someone was the night before. i wondered if it was the same group or not. i kept going and went much further than i had wandered the previous night. i found some great spots that would be really amazing to experience in the dark. when i was hiding behind a shrub shooting a 360 degree photo of the sky before sunset, i saw someone walking north with a tripod. it seemed like he was going to go pretty far north on the island. i wondered if he was doing the same thing as me and staying to photograph on the night the park stayed open late. i had thought of going back early to get the rest of my gear for the star-lapse photography and just head further into the island like i saw that guy doing, though didn’t. it was right around the time the sunset and i looked at my phone to see i had walked quite a bit. since i was a mile or more north of the parking lot, i figured i’d time how long it took to get back to the car if i was at that spot, so i could later make it before the parking lot cleared out when the event ended. i went back and didn’t have to wait in the car as long as the previous night before it got dark. i grabbed my gear and a light shirt in case it got cold (though didn’t end up needing it this night). the first spot i stopped at was a little further up than the last spot i was at the night before. there still was some light in the sky though i took a few shots. i didn’t want to stay there too long as i wanted to go further up where i could set up both that camera and the 360 degree one and was a little worried someone might come and tell me i couldn’t be there. i saw lights further up and thought i saw headlights from one of the carts in the distance. after finishing the first shot, i started heading a little further north and noticed someone off to the side of the beach. i was thinking i’d just keep going near the water hopefully unnoticed in case it was someone who’d say i couldn’t be there. as i got closer, the guy asked something like if i was getting some shots or shooting the stars. i said yeah, hopefully if the clouds open up. we got chatting for a bit and he was there doing the same thing. he took me up a little bit to show me where his camera was so i wouldn’t step on it and he asked if i had the pass. i don’t recall how our exact conversation went.. i think he asked how long i’d be there and i said until close to 10 when it closed. he asked if i had a pass and i found out about a photo pass the park offers if you have the family annual pass to the park. it allows you to stay all night in the park and photograph! i was so excited when i found out about that. we chatted a little longer and he apologized for keeping me from photographing. i told him it was worth it finding out about the photo pass and i thanked him for sharing that with me. i headed up to a few spots to set up the cameras and walked back and forth a couple times between them when setting them up (to keep them further away from each other). i was so ecstatic and excited to find out about the pass. this was truly an unexpected gift from the divine. i had no idea that a photo pass even existed for the park. i’m not sure if its new or has been around for a while or anything. it’s really exciting as i have been seriously considering selling my condo and converting a van into a small rv or camper. i had thought of spending my days at the park or one of the other local ones. how amazing would it be to not have to leave when it got dark and stay photographing!! even now or soon, it’d be so awesome to just explore the park at night and photograph it. i was just about to order a better lens for night photography too. all the pieces are coming together. i thought a little about the additional cost of the family pass on top of the individual pass though i’m sure it’d be totally worth it to be able to stay at night to explore and photograph. i could see a lot of great shots the more i started exploring this idea. i was so grateful to the divine for this unexpected miracle and gift. had i not been inspired to go to the park friday (after not making it thursday) and happen to have my gear with me and then go back on saturday and wander around exactly in the manner i did to go back to the car and then go to the spot where the guy was, i wouldn’t have found out about it. this opens up so many more possibilities. this is one of the best places in the area to see nature and the stars and whatnot. and it’s much closer than driving all the way down to clearwater beach. i had thought of going there and hiking up to caladesi island though it’s a really long way from the public parking spots. honeymoon island is so much easier to get to and besides being closer, a much nicer drive too (with far less distractions from stores and traffic). it’s so amazing how the divine brings new opportunities when we least expect them!
after hiking for miles on the beach and standing for a while photographing, my legs were hurting. when i got home, i left the 528hz miracle tone playing all night on my computer in my office right next to my bedroom. when i woke up, i felt fine and my legs were back to normal. i may have been a little tired though had some fruit for breakfast, showered, and went to the grocery store early as i’d be going to help with the livestream at the flowering heart center afterwards. i felt good and probably still a little excited from what’s been unfolding for me. i feel like i’m heading in some direction rather than just sitting in my condo waiting and waiting and bored. i finally decided that this is it, i’m not gonna just sit at home bored and lonely another hot summer. unless i meet a girl around here, i’m gonna get the van and go wander and explore. it seems like making this decision has helped the pieces start to come together in various ways. even little things like the handle on my refrigerator breaking reinforce the idea that it’s time to go. i’ve also been hearing the neighbors through the walls at times and its not exactly my idea of a sacred space that i want my home to be. i’ve had hesitation and have thought it’d be good to keep this condo just in case as its easier to just stay here when i’m here, though the association doesn’t want me parking a large van here. it must be the divine forcing me to get up and go and do what i really want rather than settle for something less than ideal. i much rather have my own land where i can grow food, have a garden, be in nature, and build a small home or get a tiny home or something.
it’s funny to watch how things unfold when one decides or creates an intention for something to happen. all the pieces start to come together and everything start to flow, but also other things may start to come up too. when i went to one of the local natural grocery stores, i was greeted by one of the girls who worked there and then saw another girl right near the front and briefly talked to her and felt like i could talk to her more. it seemed like that me deciding that i want to do the van life was now manifesting opportunities for me to connect with others when i had previously not encountered them or had missed them. i’m not sure exactly why.. perhaps its cause i feel like i’m on purpose or i feel better or have healed along the way or whatnot, or that this is just coming up as a last chance to do so before moving out (as one of the reasons i originally got the condo was that i felt i needed to be settled down in my own space before i could meet someone). i previously was traveling in my truck camper though it wasn’t ideal for living full time in, especially not in an urban area. anyhow, i won’t get off too much on the tangent or back story there.. i’m sure i’ve written plenty about it elsewhere. it’s just funny how everything flows when we’re on purpose and how things don’t seem to be going anywhere when we feel stagnant or bored or whatnot. back at the grocery store.. when i was near the frozen gluten free pizza, someone told me about the sale they had on it (which i had seen on their flyer or email online but wasn’t seeing the signs posted). i grabbed three pizzas and headed to check out with an overflowing basket of groceries. i noticed the price didn’t come up on sale for the pizzas and said something to the cashier. i don’t recall exactly what we said though i accepted it wasn’t on sale and didn’t get them. i thought of going back to look at which ones were on sale but didn’t feel like it. as i was finishing at the register, the cashier asked someone else who worked there if he could put the pizzas back. i asked him about the sale and if he knew which ones were on sale or something as those weren’t ringing up at the sale price. rather than go look or figure it out, he told the girl to just give me the sale price on the ones i had there (i think she said he was the boss or something). i wasn’t expecting that and wasn’t attached to the outcome of getting the pizzas and was able to get them at the sale price (which was close to half off). it was nice to see this all flow smoothly. i almost didn’t get the pizzas when i didn’t see the sale sign though someone happened to be there to mention they were on sale and it all worked out when initially it didn’t. it feels like part of everything just flowing smoothly is what i mentioned above.. its when we are on purpose or when we choose to feel good (or any particular way), and then good things happen for us in the world to reflect what we are feeling. the external world really is a mirror of the internal world, of what we’re feeling and believing (and how we’re being). i’ve know this for years though somewhere along the way forgot to a degree or just wasn’t really thinking it, or i just got caught up or overwhelmed by so many things or aspects of life or old negative influences and my energy started to go down a couple/few years back. (i think at one point i remember just wanting to do things the old way for a while..)
besides the little miracles unfolding, the bigger miracle is that i’ve been getting back on track. i’ve been letting go of what no longer serves me and allowing room for the good aspects of life i desire and also allowing for the divine to work through me so i may inspire others, help them awaken, etc, so we can all find ourselves living in a peaceful world. the more of us that find ourselves drawn to shift or transform (or just find this happening naturally or unexpectedly), the more quickly our planet will transform into someplace radically different, where we all live in peace, free from all the conflict caused by the ego/mind (and its unnecessary manifestations). we really can and will see a beautiful world unfold. i know it may be difficult to believe with various events that are happening in the world, though do not allow yourself to get caught up in those. if you hear or see something negative, acknowledge it as what is, do not resist it, and simply allow it to pass (this gets much easier as we continue to grow and evolve). and then shift your attention and energy to the world view you do want to experience and create. if you’re finding this difficult or not as simple as you’d like it to be, practice meditation, learn awareness building exercises, find a spiritual practice or community that resonates with you, or ask for divine grace or blessings. i could go into much more depth about all of what you can do to grow and awaken in this journey of life, though this is already getting long and i’m going astray on a tangent away from the miracles.. follow your heart and allow yourself to be inspired. the divine and universe will guide you through various means such as your intuition or feelings, and you will discover exactly what you need. you’re already exactly where you need to be, even if you don’t like all or any aspects of where you are. learn to accept and love the circumstances of your life, and your life itself, and you will see any blocks you may have begin to dissolve.
getting back to the miracles.. it’s now been almost a couple weeks since i wrote the first three paragraphs above though didn’t finish what i wanted to add after. a couple days ago, i went back to honeymoon island and i got the after hours pass for photography. and i didn’t have to pay to upgrade my pass to the family one either! it was a nice little miracle as i had thought it was only if you had the more expensive pass though it wasn’t necessary. in the recent weeks i was trying to decide which lens i should get for the night photography. i’ve sold a lot of gear and no longer have the previous camera i was shooting night star-lapses with and also sold the lens i could’ve sorta used as the focus by wire was barely usable for focusing in the middle of the dark. i narrowed down the choices to a couple of lenses (and was thinking about another potential that won’t be released until next year), and finally started leaning toward one of them. the one i wanted had a big sale at the beginning of august. it was the lowest the price had ever been and only for a day. i had previously thought about it and on that day, i figured i should sell the lens i currently have first rather than spend more money and accumulate more gear (as i’ve been working on simplifying and reducing the past year or two). i didn’t get it then and the price went back up. i was contacting dealers to see if they could honor that sale price though wasn’t having any luck. i also had contacted the manufacturer who told me to check back weeks later, which i did and they offered me a discounted price as part of their ambassador program. the price wasn’t as low as the previous sale price was and i never heard back from the guy though and was going to have to write a review and send images to them as part of the program. i was waiting to hear back from one major merchant about matching the price they had on a different color of the lens. i really preferred the black over the silver one that sold for less (especially as the lens hood on the silver one was black and it looked kinda weird). last wednesday i got an email back from someone who said she was waiting to hear from a different department and would let me know in a couple of days. that meant i’d get a response on friday, which was the day the manufacturer said they could offer me the ambassador pricing up until. i was waiting and didn’t see any response and it was already mid afternoon so they’d be closing soon. i called the merchant.. just before calling or when on hold, i shifted my energy basically asking the divine to just be done with this whole matter of searching for the very best price and i think i was also accepting that i might have to just get it at the regular price. when i got on the phone with whom had emailed me, she simply said yes she could match the price. however, she wasn’t expecting the lens to be in stock until a couple weeks into december. i then asked if she could substitute the lens for the same lens but with the other brand name on it (this manufacturer makes the same exact lens under different brand names). the one i asked for typically sold for more than the one that was out of stock. she let me know (pretty quickly) that she could sell me that one for twenty dollars more and it’d be in stock the third week of this month. i decided to go with that one instead of waiting until next month. in my previous mindset of needing to get the very best deal to save money as i didn’t have tons of money to just waste, i would’ve just waited, though i figured it really wasn’t that much more (and this other ‘brand’ might sell for a little more if i later decide to sell it, and this was the brand i would’ve gotten from the manufacturer (also for twenty dollars less) but i didn’t have to worry about the requirements of the ambassador program and i’m not sure if i would’ve been able to pay the manufacturer with a credit card, which by the time i got special reward points for my purchase through the credit card (and i think a little through the merchant), it would’ve been right about the same price anyhow. so basically, it all worked out!). i ordered the lens and filter and figured that i’d get it a little later in the month. i think on the next day i thought of asking another major merchant to match the price i had gotten. i inquired first about the previous sale price on the lens again though they couldn’t match that, and then i asked about matching the price i had on my invoice. i sent it to them and after a little bit, they said yes they could match it. it was great they could as it wasn’t a completed invoice yet as i hadn’t given my payment information to the first merchant since the bonus reward points didn’t start until this past monday. the new merchant said the price match code would only be good until that evening (this was sunday when i contacted them). i didn’t want to wait until monday as i didn’t know if they’d honor the price match a second time and i didn’t want to lose one of the ones they had in stock in case they happened to sell out. i asked if i could give them a credit card to place the order and then switch it the next day (as they said it charges it immediately upon ordering). he said i could so i did that. i was excited i’d be receiving the new lens this week (and be done with the whole searching and waiting). i wrote the first merchant asking them to remove the lens from the order and only ship the filter (unless they could ship the lens monday) and correct the shipping address on my order. on monday morning i called the credit card to confirm the bonus program i had received in the mail and then called customer service at the second merchant to update the credit card they were going to charge. i called the first merchant as they had corrected the address on my order though hadn’t canceled the lens. i gave them the credit card to charge the filter to and then found out that they had gotten the lens in stock. this was totally unexpected. i almost didn’t believe it as just the day before i had checked again and they still were not expecting it in stock until sometime next week. they said they had gotten it from the manufacturer and it would be shipping that day. still in a bit of disbelief or shock as to where this lens came from all of a sudden, i even checked their website and the status had changed to show the lens in stock. i contacted the second merchant and requested they cancel the order, and now my lens and filter are on their way to be delivered sometime today. tonight i’ll go out to honeymoon island to take some time-lapses with it and i’ll now be able to use it in a few days on the night of the supermoon. i was planning on using one of my current lenses though now don’t have to. i don’t know exactly what i’ll shoot just yet.. i do have a couple ideas i thought of that would work better with the brighter moon.. we’ll see what method i feel inspired to do or what unfolds.
another little miracle of connection that i almost forgot about was that last week i had gone to the bank to make a deposit to a new account as they were offering an opening bonus for doing so.. after having someone check the opening signature paperwork, i went to the teller to make the deposit. normally i just stand there waiting and staring off into space to not give them any pressure by looking at them when i’m waiting. i felt that i could shift my energy to connect with her through my heart and send a quiet blessing or love while waiting. i could sense a subtle smile on her face when i did so. it was nice to share that quiet connection with her. when she looked at me i made eye contact briefly though didn’t say anything outside of the transaction. it was nice to make a little connection and not look away or feel awkward or weird when she looked back at me. i still didn’t know what to say though this was an improvement for me to feel some connection with someone i didn’t know (especially when it’s a girl in her 20’s or 30’s that i could potentially be interested in). i feel as i continue to grow and heal as i free my energy of the burdens that i’ve been holding onto, connecting with others will continue to become more natural and effortless, and i’ll become comfortable in sharing helpful perspectives and inspiration with anyone i meet. i know i’ve been in that place before and am grateful for getting back on the path. it’s also nice to free my attention of the burdens of little insignificant things i need to take care of such as opening new accounts just to get some bonuses deposited. i had another one that i recently opened that i hadn’t heard back from and it took over two weeks by the time it finally got opened.. i almost just gave up and told them to cancel opening it as it was taking a long time for them to process all the paperwork i had to mail in. i called on monday and they opened it.. i was able to get the routing info over to my friend i work for just in time for him to send me my weekly direct deposit on tuesday morning. i barely made it too, as i’m only expecting one more of the weekly direct deposits from him next week and this bank requires two for the bonus. i’ll probably still get a little more work from him in the following weeks though i really don’t know how much or if i will get any. its a miracle that i’m actually not worried about it and that earlier this year i was able to save up enough money to pay off all of my debts if i wanted to. i do have a little more than what i owe to keep me going for a little bit though i’m probably gonna sell the condo anyhow.. i’m grateful to not be worrying or feel like i could easily be drowning if i stopped getting paid (as i was certainly feeling this a year ago and other times). it’s also been a miracle that throughout the financial struggles, i’ve come to accept where i am and realize how much stuff i really don’t need and how the stuff itself isn’t bringing me real happiness. (again this is something i’ve known though in going back to old ways or negative influences a few years ago and finding myself living through various fears or limiting perspectives, i ended up chasing after external things for fulfillment. i’m glad to be letting go and going back to what really matters in life)
i realize this has gotten quite long with all the details, though i share all the details as i see them all connected to exactly what unfolded. when we step into a miracle mindset, or simply allow the divine to flow through us and guide us in life, all the pieces start to come together quite effortlessly. yes, sometimes there are hiccups or challenges along the way, though an opportunity or solution will naturally be there or present itself. as we surrender into this flow, our lives become much simpler (and we become more effective at handling whatever arises). the more we learn to see how everything is connected (and the divine grace that has brought us to exactly where we are through all of the little pieces of our lives prior to this moment), the more we can naturally become connected with this divine flow and allow miracles to show up in our lives. we can choose to use this to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. as we continue to expand and grow, we’ll see how we can use this to improve the conditions of the entire world. and it seems that the more we surrender into the divine flow and allow the divine to work through us to help others, the greater the miracles, flow, and connection to the divine will become. (we are all connected.. you’re really just helping another part of yourself when you’re helping another and working for a cause greater than your own self-interests. and if a part of ourself is hurting, how can we truly be whole without healing that part?)
i think one of the things i really liked about doing really long exposures or time-lapses at night was being present. sitting, waiting for the camera to expose the images would give me a lot of time to just be there and experience being there. i recall feeling this sometimes during the day when doing time-lapses and just sitting waiting, or when simply waiting for the sun to set when i would get to the causeway or park early. it was nice to just hang out and be in a natural place without thinking i needed to photograph every single moment. it’s so much better to create when feeling inspired rather than trying to force it when wanting to do a specific project. being somewhere at night is nice as its cooler and there’s usually not very much light in the natural places i go to (or even in places that are more well lit), so it’s easier to relax and focus on what i do see. perhaps a part of it is that its also quieter with less people out. i’m not sure all the exact specifics.. i should stop trying to figure it out. it’s all about just relaxing and being in the moment. i’ve experienced this perception even when walking on a bright sunny day, so it’s not all about the external conditions.. it’s about the internal feeling. the external environment can help one feel a certain way, though one can shift how one feels regardless of any external conditions.. it might take a little more effort and work if one is resisting a lot of what one is feeling or experiencing in the world, though it can be done. i’m glad i came out here to do this shot tonight. i felt inspired earlier to do so when i was laying in the grass. it’s not the most exciting shot though i’ll put it with other ones i shoot in a time-lapse and i’m sure it’ll add to the interest of it.
i think what i’m enjoying most about my experience today going to lay on the grass and coming out here is that its bringing me back to aspects of the old me that i had forgotten.. i used to be more spontaneous and free and very often feel inspired to create lots of photographs.. i’d also really embrace the experience of life. somehow over the past couple/few years i strayed away from this. i’ve been wanting to make changes in my life so i could have more fun and enjoy it more again. i think part of the issue i’ve faced was in having my own condo i’ve really felt the struggle to make money to be able to pay for it.. i really don’t like owing anyone anything, especially not when it’s tied to some legal agreement where they could take my home if i didn’t pay. a long time ago, even though i did need money for rent or food or something, i still managed to be free. i was more care free and wasn’t attached to outcome. sometimes i did have less to worry about, less responsibility or concern, though i still sometimes managed to let go of attachment and be free. i think it helped when i either had a group of friends who were easy-going or knew me and appreciated me as i was, or when i had a girlfriend who enjoyed being spontaneous and going on an adventure. one of the most enjoyable aspects of life is just having fun and being in the moment with someone else. it’s something i’ve missed for a long time as i either lost touch with or let go of a lot of people from my past. having nobody and feeling stuck inside a condo that i didn’t fully appreciate really affected me. as i learn to surrender and enjoy my life more, i’ll really be able to embrace wherever i am, regardless of whether or not i’m with someone else or not. yes, it’d certainly be nice to hang out with someone whom i have a meaningful connection with, though i can still appreciate and enjoy my own life.
these recent months (and years) i’ve been so busy working on my photography projects that i haven’t really just sat down and enjoyed life. and as i did the projects and wasn’t really enjoying them for very long after they were complete, it began to feel quite meaningless doing them. when that’s all i was doing, my whole life began to feel meaningless. i really wondered what i was doing with it and often felt lonely and bored. i think sometimes the photo projects were just a means to satisfy that boredom, in an attempt to give my life some meaning or purpose, though it never quite worked as well as it could’ve. it’d only be a very temporary satisfaction.. it’d feel exciting to create a new technique and be out shooting that way, though it quickly lost its excitement after doing it for a little while or completing the project. sometimes it began to feel like work i had to do to complete it and it was no longer fun. i think part of the issue was that i was only going to the same parks and places in the area here. they quickly lost their excitement as it was the same places i was just photographing in new ways. it feels so much more exciting and thrilling to be traveling and exploring someplace new, or some place i hadn’t been to in a while. i know i’m not the only one to experience some of these things and others have written about similar feelings. places and experiences can become mundane if they’re repeated over and over, especially when there is no real purpose or the purpose is only a means or failed attempt to fulfill a deeper longing.
yesterday, or the day before, i deleted thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars worth of ‘success’ audio programs i had purchased when i was attempting to start business a long time ago. i also deleted the majority of audio files i had downloaded or copied off old cds from a very long time ago. it feels good to purge and let go of things i no longer need. we often hang on to things (digital, physical, mental, or emotional) thinking maybe we’ll need them one day or want to experience them again, though if we look at when was the last time we actually used them (or did we ever use them), we’ll realize that the actual likelihood we’d use them is slim to none. i also deleted old video files i either downloaded or copied off dvds. all together, i purged over half a terabyte of data. it’s funny to look at how much time and effort i wasted downloading and copying the data, thinking maybe i’ll need it some day. i think the large majority of what i deleted i never played once. it felt good to let it go, knowing i didn’t need it. i look at even recently how i’ve downloaded some audio programs i’ve found on the web so i would have them for someday rather than just play it online and see if i even like it. most of them i never listened to though knowing i had them made me feel or think i was okay and could just listen to them whenever. however, whenever never came. it wasn’t a beneficial way of looking at it. now, looking at things more from the perspective of the experience, i can choose to see it in a way that i no longer need to have it or hang on to it. and i don’t have to be on the total opposite extreme about it either.. if i end up liking something, i can choose to keep just those things. i recently read an article talking about de-cluttering.. i think they quoted someone and it basically said to look at or hold each thing you have and if it doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it. that’s such a great way to look at it. i don’t need to think about the usability or potential of it.. it’s simply going by the feeling it brings. this can be applied to any aspect of life. rather than overthinking things, simply if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it, and if it does feel good, do it. a friend of mine who’s a transformational coach taught me about living from the ‘feel good’.. it’s simply stepping into the feel good and choosing from that place. it’s much simpler to live from feeling, or the heart, than the mind. the mind can take one in all sorts of directions and often contradict itself, though the heart, soul, and inspiration can guide in a much more effective manner. just like right now.. i wanted to write more and had other areas i wanted to look at, though i’m feeling a little tired and the camera’s been going for long enough to get a decent shot for the time-lapse, so i’m gonna head back home instead of try to force more words out at the moment.
as i was leaving the causeway, the thought of not caring came to mind. by not caring i mean in not being attached to outcome, not worrying so much about the little things, and not caring what others think or expect of you. i used to live more freely from this place of not caring. i didn’t really worry so much about certain things and would just go with the flow or what felt right. i’m sure there was some degree of caring, i don’t remember exactly, it’s been many years now.. though at some point i just got to not care or worry so much and would just enjoy the moment and the experience of life. lately i see how i’ve been trying to control things by wanting things to be a certain way or making things happen a certain way or whatnot.. this hasn’t served me as i’ve only put limitations on myself by doing so. i could write about lots of examples that i was thinking on my drive home, though i won’t go into them all as i’m not feeling them right now. as i surrender attachment to outcome or needing things to be a certain way (or seeking perfection in a sense), i’ll be able to flow more with life. trusting things are going to work out works a lot better than trying to force things to go a certain way. it’s much less stressful to let the universe handle everything rather than take it all into your own hands. the more you do this, the more you’ll see it just naturally works out anyhow (and all that time and energy you wasted was of your own making and truly unnecessary).
it feels good to just be in the moment. i’m sitting here in my condo and realizing this is okay right now. it may not be perfect though right now in this moment it’s okay. learning to relax and take it easy makes a huge difference in life. you don’t need to make everything so difficult. take time for yourself and enjoy the experience. relax. love life.
decided to do some last shots with my gopro before selling it.. funny that literally as i was dropping it off to be shipped out to the buyer gopro announced the new model