just came across this.. a funny/ridiculous example of how the ego’s need for perfection (and approval) can hinder (or ruin) more meaningful connections..
it’d be much easier to do the aerial shots with a first person live view of what the camera is seeing or with a preprogrammed fly by gps waypoint system that modern quadcopters have.. not having either, i had to guess composition + direction and try to keep track of the tiny white dot in the sky and trust it’d come back :)
some locations include:
Fred Howard Park
Honeymoon Island State Park
Wall Springs Park
so what is it that i really want? i explored a bit of this last night. i want to be free. to live. to enjoy life. to love life. to have no burdens. to not have any debts. to not hold onto what i no longer need. to live a full, beautiful, connected life. i watch these words come out and i think about them and wonder where they are all going. i wonder is this what i really want, all of it? i know most of it is. but then i wonder which of the words come from the mind and which come from the heart. i want to live a balanced life from the heart and also from the mind (when needed). i slowed down as i typed that part. do i really want to have part of my life from the mind? i suppose i’ll keep the mind for when it’s needed but not let myself get caught up in it. i’ll allow myself to use the mind as a tool when i need to think of something or create something.. i watched myself typing that and was then again thinking, is this the mind coming up with this? is this me just regurgitating stuff i’ve told myself or have learned from others? i want to be free to discover and create the world and reality as i desire. i don’t want to be attached to any one particular viewpoint, except that which i decide, and only for as long as i decide to keep it.
just before i typed the last i watched myself typing it part, i was slowing down to think about that for a moment and then heard my the water for my tea starting to boil. i went over there and turned it off before the tea kettle started to whistle and as i poured the water into my cup, it was the perfect amount. i didn’t think about how much i needed, i just poured some water out of the container of water and into the tea kettle, turned on the stove and what came out was enough water to fill the mug up to the top. that’s how i want to live life, by feeling. not by thinking or analysis. yes thinking and analysis and the mind can come in handy for certain calculations or when creating a program on the computer or something but it can’t be what runs one’s life. too much thinking and analysis will hold you back from fully living life. and life really happens outside of the mind. life happens in feeling, in experience.
i want to live a fearless life of experience and feeling. i’m not saying i want to dive into all sorts of things that people might do to attempt to overcome fears. what i mean is that i want to live a life of peace, without the fears that the mind creates. yes if there is some sort of danger present, the mind or body or spirit will acknowledge it to let me know to avoid it, or to not even take me in the direction of it. but what i’m really looking at is the way the mind can interpret reality and create unnecessary fears by its own viewpoints. i want to be liberated of all of those. i feel free from most of them. and i feel myself becoming even more free. last tuesday my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me anymore as he’s re-evaluating his business. we’ve been back and forth on this a number of times. and i’ve done a lot of work for him that i really was not paid fairly for. though it feels good to be free from all the chaos and stress that occur in his business. he’s living too much from the mind and needing to control things and really it feels like its going about business how many companies have done for their own benefit and success rather than for a greater cause or purpose. it felt like there was some of that purpose at some points though i think the mind and fear has taken over. anyhow without getting into all of that, i was not afraid when he told me that. perhaps its because i had faced a greater fear before that. near the end of last summer, he told me the same thing and changed how i was getting paid and before that he was suggesting things were going to be changing in the company. at that time i was very low on money and i didn’t know what i was going to do. i had given all of my savings to him for his trucking company. so as you can imagine i was in a bit of a tricky situation. i was also feeling a bit down as i had just gotten back from chicagoland and there was a girl i was interested in up there and i felt like i didn’t want to be down here, especially in the hottest time of the year. i was thinking of different things to do, such as getting a cheap truck and taking my camper up there. and the mind was creating even more fears when it was trying to figure everything out. it was struggling with how to survive without tons of money. how to minimize much i spent, etc. and in doing so, i found out that i could save money on car insurance as i hadn’t driven that much and it was almost time for the first year’s renewal. so i ended up not being able to drive much or at all for a few weeks just to get the low mileage discount which they didn’t even check when the year came. all that time i felt trapped at home. and i didn’t have an internet connection when i first got back and it took me a little while to get it because i was waiting as i didn’t know if i was going to be getting a truck and going on the road, and then i had decided to order a modem before signing up for service so i could save on the monthly rental fee. so i was stuck and trapped at home with nothing to do. or i perceived it as such. it was too hot to go biking unless it was the very beginning or end of the day. and i don’t remember, but probably some or possibly many days, i didn’t feel like doing so. i was just sitting at home resisting what i was feeling and i think i finally made it through after a short while. i remember going to honeymoon island a few days after the year of low mileage was over and i was blessed to see the beautiful transformation that had occurred at the beach. the beach was widened a lot. it was huge. before it barely existed. it was so beautiful. and i think i got there the afternoon after they finished it. as the track marks were very clear on the sand and there were barely any footprints on it. it was pristine and beautiful and just created and untouched. it was symbolic of my freedom in no longer being tied to being stuck at home. so i went off on a bit of a tangent of what i had experienced and created for myself at the end of last summer. i think part of all of that is what has led me to be unafraid now when i my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me. i did get paid back everything that i loaned to him for the trucking company at the end of last year so i have some in savings which certainly helps, but i can’t live off of just that with no income as it will run out. i feel fearless about the situation, and perhaps part of it is because i feel free and no longer tied to the energies or drama involved with his whole company. i’m not sure what’s coming next though i welcome and embrace the unknown.
as i wrote last night, i’ve been thinking of getting a van and converting it into a small rv. even before all of this happened, i had thoughts about selling the condo and living from the road. i look at what do i do here all day and the more i let go the more i feel that i don’t need the space. yes there are some obvious benefits to having a home such as plenty of running water and not having to look for a place to park every night, though there are also some things i don’t like, such as the view from my balcony being the parking lot and the times i hear noise from the neighbors or whatnot. most of the time its quite nice and peaceful though i still ponder how much it costs to stay here and if its what i really want. i am grateful it doesn’t cost a whole lot though i think part of it is looking at the situation i’m in in having a mortgage and an auto payment. i don’t like feeling like i owe money to anyone. i want to be free of that. i don’t like having to pay interest on money i borrowed just to simply exist and experience life here. i see all of the corruption in corporations and banks and don’t want to participate in that system. life, society, the economy, and the world could look very different. i know it will. i see great changes coming and beginning to happen already. more people are becoming aware of what’s been happening lately and aren’t going to take it anymore. even some companies are starting to make subtle changes it seems. those that survive will be the ones that change with the people, as the collective consciousness changes. the world can be very beautiful. we won’t have to work to do something we don’t want to do just to earn money to buy things we don’t need and pay interest on debts we don’t want. as consciousness evolves, everyone will start to see clearly what’s been happening in the world. everyone will see that society has programmed them to think we need to purchase things, either to be healthy or to be happy or to be important or to matter at all. it’s all one huge system that’s been at play for quite a long time. if you stop to look at what really makes you happy, is it the possession of any of your things? is it having a really nice home that’s decorated or full of all of these things? is it having an expensive car? or multiple ones? stop for a moment and look at what so many define as success. would having all of that money really matter? so many people chase after this dream but it’s never enough. when they get that car, that home, that toy, etc, they may enjoy it briefly though it grows old quickly. sometimes very quickly. i’ve been there. so many times in my photography, i’ve thought of a new technique and it would feel like that is the one. when i do that one, then i won’t need to do anything else. sometimes the technique involved purchasing equipment. sometimes it involved researching and developing something unique that had never been done before. though when i did it, after a little while it didn’t feel like it mattered so much anymore. perhaps its different than the whole consumeristic drive of needing to have the latest gadgets and always upgrade. i’ve seen so many people always get the latest and greatest. and while i would research and see what was the newest technology, i wouldn’t always get the latest one. i would determine if its something i needed and if it was really best. though the whole system makes it hard to do so as things are marketed and pushed as being something you need. so many people think they need the latest smartphones, tablets, smartwatches, etc, etc. and so many people do it because the marketing is telling them they need it. or because they feel they need to keep up with everyone else. fortunately, i was never caught up in the needing to keep up or compete with others. sometimes i may have felt some of that energy due to being around other people that felt that, but most of the time i was free from it. look at all of these examples of how people look for things outside of themselves to feel better or enjoy life. look at how it no longer serves them. use these as a metaphor for your own journey as well. in your own life, in your own personal growth, spiritual awareness, etc, don’t go looking for the answers outside of yourself. look for the answers within. listen to your heart. your true guidance and intuition come directly from the divine, your higher self, god, the universe, the light, whatever you want to call that place where it comes from. this place is within you, or you may see it in a different place than yourself, though it’s not in the external physical world. and its definitely not in the mass media or the marketing or the social drive to need more and more.
go within. listen to that higher calling. there you will find your purpose. and your purpose might be to do something in particular in life, or it might be to change how you perceive life and take that perception and shift and perspective to everything you do in your life. as we let go of these burdens, these old things we no longer need, these old beliefs that no longer serve us, these fears that get in the way, these inhibitions of any kind, we become free. we become free to live life more fully in the present moment. we can experience the beauty in every day. we can truly feel and live life. we’ll know by our own intuition and guidance what to do in life. we won’t have to worry about trying to figure things out and making ends meet. a higher power will take care of all of that for us. yes we can choose to create our world and reality or we can choose to allow the divine to create it for us.
so where was i going with all of that? i’m looking at freedom in different ways. to be free is to simply be. to be free of all the constraints of life. i recall when i first moved to chicago having the thought come to me of needing to let go all constraints no matter what they were even if it was letting go of everyone and everything i had known at that point. shortly thereafter, my journey took a shift and all the pieces that unfolded over the years brought me to where i am today.
back to the idea of the van and the condo. i look at all of these things i have, not that there are tons, but there are and were a number. i see how many of them i don’t use any more and they just take up space. it’s not that my place is filled and overflowing with junk but even if something is sitting in a drawer or container and its not being used, its still taking up space. not just physical space but mental space. its taking up attention to some degree. even if its forgot. it feels more free to have less especially of the stuff we don’t need. it feels freer to have more space to be able to live lightly or to choose to create certain things should i so desire. i look at how much photography equipment i’ve had over the years. and how much was only used for specific purposes. and once those projects or techniques were over, the gear just sat there waiting to maybe be used one day when i wanted to explore that technique again. most of the time it wouldnt happen very often or at all. i’m glad equipment has become smaller and lighter and even small simple action cameras can do so much now with built in time-lapse features, waterproofness, long exposure capabilities, and whatnot. so much of these elements used to require so much physical gear. now one small piece of equipment can do most of it simply with software. i see so many things in the world becoming virtual and simpler. its part of a whole underlying trend towards simplification and minimalization. we no longer need tons of physical stuff to do simple things. just look at how much a smartphone can do. some people no longer use computers. some people never have had a computer and have been able to do much more than older computers could do with a device that fits in their pocket. look at how technology has progressed and how it has integrated and combined various aspects into a single aspect. this is the underlying message. simplify, integrate, combine aspects of life together, release what’s no longer needed, and be free.
okay so still attempting to go back to the van and condo. so in looking at all of these things we might accumulate that we don’t need, let’s also look at what do we actually do at home. i’ll look at my life as an example. most of the time i’m home when i’m not asleep i’m on the computer. a computer is something that could be simplified or minimized by using a laptop rather than a desktop computer, especially now with models existing that can be charged off of usb car chargers. usb charging alone is one great example of simplification and integration of technology. in the past all of that gear i wrote about would require its own charger. those alone could take up so much space. in my truck camper, i had a whole spot next to my power inverter just for charging batteries with the various chargers for the various types of cameras. it was something i really didn’t like having to deal with if not necessary. i’m glad that now, most cameras and devices can be charged off of one type of port. yes the cables may vary between then, but they all can plug into the same universal port and there are plenty of chargers and battery packs and devices to work with it and it doesn’t require a/c adapters and power inverters when in an rv, car, or traveling lightly. even some mirrorless interchangeable lens cameras be charged off of usb. this alone almost led me to sell one of mine and upgrade though i looked at if i would really use the new camera that much and ended up getting a wireless sd card for my old one instead so i could get the images off of it to post immediately and then stopped using that shortly thereafter as i changed my approach on photography. okay, so i’m getting into a lot details and tangents, though look at how technology has simplified. all of these aspects of life that are changing, evolving, or transforming are metaphors and examples for us to do the same. we change our perspectives, our beliefs, heal aspects of life that could improve, etc, and we’ll do the same.
okay so really getting back to the van and the condo. so what else do i do at the condo? i sleep. i eat. i use the bathroom. i do laundry. and i store things. that’s pretty much it. the more things i no longer need, the less space i need to keep them. a bed, a kitchen, and a bathroom all could fit inside of a vehicle. laundry even could. yes there’s more space in a home though in a larger camper or bus or whatnot there’d be plenty of space. some rv’s are as big as a small apartment! there are a couple things i couldn’t easily have in a van, such as my gong, though i haven’t used it much and i’m sure i could keep it with family or friends or find a new home for it. part of me wonders if i’d miss it or want it if i didn’t have it right there, though i could get a smaller one or just record myself playing it and have it to listen to later if i really wanted to. sometimes the letting go and parting process isn’t easy. these things have energy and memories attached to them. though it gets easier to let go as we continue on. a lot of things i can simply take a picture of and save the picture digitally on my hard drives and then always look at them later if i ever wanted to remember the thing. my hard drives are another thing that i wouldn’t be able to bring though i could find a place to keep them. years ago i remember thinking i could lose everything except my data and still be okay. at this point, i’ve become more unattached to my data. yes it’d still be nice to keep it though perhaps it would be freeing to just erase it all and let go. even to shut down my website or delete the older stuff. i’m not going to do that just yet. i’ve been back and forth about it. i see that some of the stuff on there, even if it was from when i wasnt feeling as good in the past, is still valuable and could tell a story. but ultimately what we need to let go of is our story. we must transform and change what no longer serves us. its all in our consciousness and we simply must experience it fully to take ownership of it and then stop creating it. we no longer need to play back the old re-runs of life that no longer exist anywhere but in our minds. back to letting go of the data and the hard drives. everything keeps getting physically smaller though able to store more data. i wouldn’t carry the full size drives with me if i were to live out of a van or traveling. i would get something smaller or use cloud based technology or just remotely access the drives. most of whats on them i don’t need to access regularly anyhow. i think that maybe i’d want to work on old photos and videos that i never got around to doing. i could either take a little bit of them with me at a time or just work on them now before getting a van and living on the road, if thats the route i choose to go. i’ve to complete a time-lapse later today or tomorrow. it’ll feel good to have another one done just to say its done and not have to think about it anymore. yes it’ll be nice to see what it looks like and hopefully it inspires someone else though more so it feels free just to be done and let it go. that’s what i’m really talking about with letting go of things in consciousness or even physical things. its saying you’re done with them and no longer being attached. you could even have some physical things though in not being attached to needing them then they no longer control you and drain you of your energy or overwhelm you. i would recommend not having tons of things because even if you’re unattached to needing them, they still would require certain maintenance or cleaning or upkeep that will take up your time and energy. what i’m talking about is what makes you feel free, however feels right to you. if its completely letting go of everything and not just writing a new chapter in life but writing a new volume, then do so. it can be quite liberating. though it needn’t be that extreme. you can make the changes over time. and feel a little lighter and more free every day or every week. as you let go of more and more. instead of thinking what else can i get, gain, or accumulate, shift your perspective to what else can i let go of? what else do i no longer need to be carrying around with me, whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally, etc?
At 74, and coming the end of his scientific and broadcasting career, David Suzuki mused on the notion: “If I had one last lecture to give, what would I say?” The result is a very special talk full of humour, warmth, insight and passion.
At a packed house at the Perth Convention Centre, Suzuki voiced his long-time frustration at the obsession for economic growth at the sacrifice of nature, while urging us all to strive for a sustainable future.
David Suzuki was born in Vancouver, Canada in 1936. He has had a long and prolific career as a scientist, environmentalist, broadcaster and author. His scientific field is genetics, but he is best known for his television and radio programs that examine and explain the natural sciences, including “The Secret of Life” and “A Planet for the Taking.”
Suzuki has won many awards for his work including the 2009 Honorary “Right Livelihood Award.” He has written over 48 books, his latest being “The Legacy: An Elder’s Vision for Our Sustainable Future”, on which the lecture he is delivering is based.
you can apply the elements of your life that you already love and that really work for you to anything. at first it may not seem like what you’re doing is about what you’re wanting or looking for. but from a greater perspective you will realize it’s all perfectly aligned. all the pieces are already in place. and they always have been, all along every step of the way
Dada Gunamuktananda: Yogi and Meditation Teacher
Bio: Dada Gunamuktananda has trained in meditation, yoga and natural health sciences in Australia, the Philippines and India. He has been a meditation teacher of Ananda Marga since 1995 and has taught and lectured on meditation in New Zealand, Australia, Europe, the Middle East, and the Far East.
Title: Consciousness : The Final Frontier
Synopsis: The exploration of inner space, our own consciousness, is ultimately connected to our discovery of outer space. Just as the world becomes a smaller place with increase in communication and transport technology, so the universe becomes a smaller place with the increase in meditation technology!
exploring who i am and what i’m looking for
(a few incomplete lists.. i started typing this and was going to explore this much more in depth though never finished)
going for walks in nature or by the water
exploring new places
going on adventures around town
travel, near or far
funny movies or something well produced with meaning, feeling, or a good plot
watching life unfold in miraculous ways
being free of the constraints of society
being free of the conditioned mind
seeing technological development in ways beneficial to the world
the beautiful light at sunrise or sunset
connecting with others
i’m interested in:
the awakening of humanity
letting go of any burdens to living a simple, peaceful, fun life
i like girls who:
are nice, sweet, loving, caring
aren’t attached to lots of external things
don’t wear lots of (or any) makeup nor feel the need to dress up just to get attention from others
are height/weight proportionate or thin
are pretty, cute, or naturally beautiful
have similar or compatible interests or perspectives on life
prefer a simple life though still like to have fun
since i returned home from Chicago last summer, i’ve been going to the weekly Satsang at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater. i highly recommend it for anyone who wants to grow spiritually or deepen their connection with higher awareness. it’s beautiful to gather as a community with others on similar paths too. at the satsang, there is a meditation, time for sharing of experiences or discussion, and we give and receive the Flowering Heart Blessing. here’s a link to the center’s website: floweringheart.org
Michael and Suzanne of the Flowering Heart Center also host a weekly webcast where they share the Flowering Heart Open-Eye Light Transmission. here’s a recent one I just watched that was really good: livestream.com/michaelmilner/events/4829454
for anyone interested in how to create the “little planet” look in time-lapse videos, see the posts at this link for various details regarding the technique and concept:
[my response to a new friend, Aja, who asked about the concept of my little planet photos, amongst other conversation]
that’s awesome! i wish i was raised spiritual.. i had to work through indoctrination and other limiting beliefs/views from my family :) it’s funny to see so many of them still there, and how it’s causing them to continue old ways.
that’s a great way to look at it.. yes, it feels like that to me too.. as our vibration/energy increases by doing what we love, everything flows much more smoothly
i haven’t really thought about one specific concept for the little planet photos.. i’ve written and explored a lot of various perspectives, some related to the images, some not.. (you can look for the “writing” tag/link on my website if you’re interested though there’s a lot of other stuff to filter through) it feels like all of my work is somehow related to exploring perspectives, wider or more expansive ways of seeing the world, and exploring perception itself. they are all metaphors for one to expand one’s own awareness to higher levels to be able to understand this inter-connectedness of everything, and to be able to discover one’s own spirituality, the divine, god, one’s higher self, the inner teacher, oneness, whatever you want to call this higher perspective/understanding/awareness of this experience we call life. it feels like part of the exploring perspectives with various techniques and pushing the envelope, so to speak, is to subtly or subconsciously get others to feel more open about seeing the world, both their own world/life and the collective world around us, in new ways. as one learns to expand one’s own awareness and perspectives about aspects of one’s own life, the self-limiting beliefs and viewpoints fade away.. as enough of these disappear, it’s like polishing a lens, and the discovery of the infinite and one’s connection to one’s source becomes crystal clear. yes it could take a while and this journey is longer for some than others, though.. i’m starting to get off track here :) but essentially yes, the work is about all of this. before i even knew i was on a spiritual path or journey many years ago, these sort of messages were coming to me, and i can see this unfolding in my photography as part of my own journey. i think it all started off by me just exploring and having fun and getting interested in it and seeing where it would go.. and it took me on an adventure!
i could ramble/flow on much more about all of this.. i love engaging and getting lost in deep conversations about this sort of thing :)
have you had any brilliant moments of higher awareness, connection, knowing, etc in your life that really stand out, or any truly defining moments related to your own understanding/spirituality?
thanks! back to the second part of your question about the images.. while there is the underlying message of expanding perspectives, yes, part of it is for one’s own interpretation, as one must expand one’s own viewpoints in order to come to one’s own experiential understanding and knowing. just as one can read all one wants though the intellectual understanding won’t be anything like the actual knowing or doing, and one’s own experience will be different based upon one’s previous experiences and perspectives, this aspect exists in the work too.. it can mean subtly or vastly different things to different people, and that’s totally fine. just as how we all perceive this world differently and even upon awakening to great profound experiences, it’s likely to be a little different for everyone.. so i’m not going to say my work only means one exact thing :) so i suppose the simple answer to your question is both, all of the above, some of the above, and perhaps none of the above for some :)
i recall when i first encountered little planet photos and started researching how to create them, it was after i was awakening to new understandings and perspective shifts of what was going on in my own life. [the short story: i had gone through a lot after attempting to start a new business venture unlike anything i had done before and it wasn’t working out, and i had become more aware of spirituality and really began to step back and look at what i was doing with my life and what really mattered to me at the time] after coming up with a way to somewhat easily be able to create a lot of little planet photos with minimal gear (at the time, now it’s much easier), i decided to really embrace the technique and that’s practically all i shot when i was exploring for a few days on a trip. i forget exactly when, though probably at some point early during the trip after going to a lot of beautiful spots in nature, the idea came to me of how awesome it’d be to do little planet time-lapses as i don’t believe they had been done before (likely due to limited technology and technique at the time). as i was limited with the gear i had with me at the time, i stood for an hour literally walking around in a circle around the monopod i had the camera on taking 4 shots for each still frame of the time-lapse, and i had a proof of concept. from there, when i got back home, ideas came to me of how to solve the technical issues of having the tripod not show up in the shot and being able to automate the process so i could have precisely aligned images to work with, and not have to walk around in a circle every time for an hour :) i’m not sure exactly where this is all taking me, but it feels like it relates to what you said and i agreed with in the beginning.. i was getting really excited about this new technique or idea and jumping all in on it, fully embracing it, and that enthusiasm sparked the creativity and being able to take it to the next level. it feels like this is part of the underlying message too by exploring so many different ways of seeing. the divine is working in subtle aspects to hint at those seeing the work to be able to engage in what really drives them. when people have come up to me when i’ve done kite aerial photography or they saw me in my truck camper or something, and i got really excited talking about it (because i was really was excited to be doing what i was doing at the moment), i could feel and see their perspectives/energy shifting and opening up. they likely wouldn’t ever have any interest in actually doing kite aerial photography but that enthusiastic energy flowing through me of what i was feeling might be just what they needed to make them feel better or inspire them to be able to do what they want (or feel called to). perhaps that’s what my work is about, inspiration
wow, so that was a bit long, hope you enjoy the chapter i wrote :) and thank you for the inspiration that came to me by asking! i think i’m gonna post this as one of my writings on my website/journal (only the part i just wrote, not your message)
oh and i just realized i had forgotten how i was originally going to relate that last part.. [it seems i’ve allowed the flow of inspiration to be a little affected by the continuous loud noise of lots of lawn care equipment all around my condo complex at the moment.. though sometimes we just need to let go and surrender in order to remember] i feel that part of the reason i discovered the little planet look (where you effectively see in all directions) and invented a way to be able to take this to another level (by creating time-lapses with the look) was because of where i was in my own spiritual journey.. as i began to become interested in learning about higher levels of awareness and perspectives such as oneness, i naturally attracted/created/manifested/aligned with a photographic technique that could illustrate this way of perceiving/understanding/knowing..
it’s all how you look at it, the experience. we see life through our own filters. i could sit here and say its great, or i could sit here and say it sucks. most likely i’m going to experience something pretty close to how i’m choosing to see it. [as i was sitting here waiting to place my order for lunch, thoughts started to come up about how this experience right now was.. part of me wasn’t quite feeling it as other people were near me and the music was loud and i was thinking it’d be quieter so i could write more.. as i saw some girls at the table in front of me, i think i had a thought of feeling alone being here by myself, and probably another thought or two after that.. though then as i looked off into the distance i don’t remember exactly what i thought or felt though i decided this was going to better than i was feeling those brief moments before. and then i started to feel better. and shortly after i started typing this and here we are] each moment is created, and can be very different than the previous moment(s) if you allow it to be. [earlier today it was cloudy and windy and cold and i didn’t think i was going to see the sun and feel the warmth for a couple days and i was a little bored, then after forgetting about all that for a while and just coming back to the moment of where i was, accepting it, i found some things to do and started feeling into if i wanted to come here or not to eat. as i started to wrap up what i was working on, i noticed the clouds began parting and it was getting quite sunny out. probably still uncertain at the time if i wanted to come here or not, i spontaneously decided yes i’ll go, it’d be good, or it felt like it’d be nice, or whatever the exact feeling was, and then on my way here i was actually a little warm without having the heat on in the car.] follow your intuition and embrace your feelings, each and every moment. there is a divine plan and order to life that, if we tune into, allows everything to flow much more effortlessly. let go of all the things you’re thinking of that are taking up your attention or draining you. they don’t really matter. do things to simplify your life and to create as much free space / energy / attention so you can live more easily from this place of flow. [one of the reasons i was thinking of coming here was to use up a bonus gift card i had that would expire at the end of the month. it’ll be nice to have one less thing to keep track of, that will no longer take attention (even if it was in the back of my mind), and will allow me to more fully embrace each and every moment.] simplifying your life and not hanging onto things or being attached to certain outcomes or feeling you need something outside of yourself, whether a thing, person, circumstance, etc to make you feel complete or able to relax or enjoy life makes an enormous difference. often we search for these things outside of ourselves as we feel that when we have it, it will give us a certain feeling (whatever it may be, attention, a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, completion, etc, etc) that we think we’d like to experience as we think it’d make us feel better. however, we don’t need anything outside of ourselves to feel better. we can choose to create how we feel, in each and every moment. every day we choose. if we’re feeling the same from one day to the next, it’s because we are choosing this or choosing to run the program from the past, or run on default. if we don’t like how we’re feeling or we’re feeling low in energy, we simply need to examine what we’re choosing to create in our lives and stop doing so.
remember it’s never a good thing to try to force anything. sometimes you do just have to get up and go, though if you’re not feeling it, don’t try to force it because it won’t be the same, or anywhere near the same, as if you were feeling it. if you really do want to do something, then you gotta stop doing whatever you’re currently doing before choosing to do what you want. if not feeling so good, then you gotta let that go before you can feel good. sometimes its easier than others to do this. if you have a lot of free energy, you can much more easily switch how you’re feeling from feeling a little down, bored, sad, whatever it may be, to feeling good. though if its not working when you try to change how you’re feeling, then you gotta fully experience what’s already there. jump, dive, in to the feeling you’re currently feeling and explore it. you may not like it, though once you learn that its just a feeling and there’s nothing wrong with it other than your not liking it, then you can much more easily and freely jump into anything you’re feeling so you can let it go. in doing so, you’ll learn that by resisting certain feelings or by telling yourself they’re bad or that you shouldn’t feel a certain way, you drain yourself of your energy. you make it more difficult to fully experience life in the moment with less energy. sometimes you might feel like its very difficult to do anything, even simple things — in a situation like this you’ve likely been resisting too much of life. you simply need to start feeling how you feel and move forward. accept that how you’re feeling, even though it may be very far from how you’d like to feel, is totally fine. know that and allow yourself to feel the pain, emotions, or whatever blocks are there. each time you break through something that was previously a block you’ll feel a bit lighter and freer. if it was something really big or that you were resisting for a long time, you may feel much lighter like you are flying or floating in the air. all of these excessive feelings and emotions that you resist really do weigh you down.
one of the most beneficial things you could do for yourself is to start freeing up space and creating more energy for yourself, both in what you are feeling and in what you are surrounding yourself by in the physical world. if you have a lot of stuff laying around (or stuffed in the back of the closet or garage), it’s time to let it go, especially if its something you forgot you had and hadn’t used in a long time. you’ll free much lighter and freer by doing so. creating space to live in more freely and effortlessly, physically, mentally, and spiritually, is the best thing you can do for yourself. you can even make yourself a routine out of it. every month, week, day, whatever feels right to you, decide that you will get rid of at least one thing you don’t need. sometimes it feels better after achieving whatever experience you had your mind set on rather than during the experience itself just as it frees up the space for new experiences and its no longer running in the back of your mind “when am i going to finally do …?”
close to half a year ago i was really resisting where i was. it was difficult to get up each day and feel like i didn’t want to be there (and wanted things to be very different). over time, i worked through what i was feeling and started to fully accept where i was. i don’t recall how long it went on for though it did take a number of weeks or even months to fully accept everything. as i let go of the resistance and became more okay with the various aspects of life that i wasn’t like i began to find more and more peace. in recent weeks, i’ve been realizing how peaceful i am with my life and the current aspects of it. and for the most part they really aren’t all that different from how they were a few months ago. yes, i did have a couple aspects shift and become better though overall i’m in about the same overall situation that i was back then. it was a change of perspective that allowed me to change how i felt and this shift in perspective also is what allowed the subtle shifts in my life to happen as i created the space for a new path to unfold by changing how i felt, saw, and experienced the world. releasing our feelings frees our energy to make room for new experiences aligned with new, clearer feelings in the moment to show up.
a shift in scenery
i’ve made it now to one of my favorite spots around here, honeymoon island state park. i’ve written about it before.. it feels so far away yet is so near. go some place different every so often from where you normally find yourself every day. [sometimes i do find myself here almost every day and then its time to stop coming for a little while] changing where you are will help you shift your energy. places have a certain feeling and if you get accustomed to places that have the same feeling for too long then that’s all you’ll know. you’ll start to get stuck in a sense. going somewhere new or different or that you haven’t been to in a while not only is exciting, it helps you change how you’re feeling. the exciting feeling will change how you’re feeling, though even if you don’t feel exhilarated like sometimes i feel when i’m traveling or experiencing someplace new, the subtle differences in the energy of the new/different place where you are will help heal you and shift how you were feeling when you were in your normal, mundane routine. this change in feeling or even just visual scenery helps you to be more present in the moment. you’ll begin to notice the details in the place you are at and your attention will shift away from what may have previously been draining your energy or causing you to be stuck to the new place you are. shifting your attention and energy will help you let go of what may have been bothering you or bring you down by simply not focusing on it. this isn’t to say you’re resisting it, you’re simply not re-creating the same old feeling that you were previously stuck in. if your energy and feeling shifts quickly then you may have just been stuck in it, repeating what you previously were feeling as you didn’t think to change how you were feeling and just kept on feeling the lower energy you were previously in. if you don’t start feeling different when going someplace else then you may have some energy or feeling that you are resisting that is causing you to be stuck. in this case, start to put more of your attention and energy on what it is you are feeling.. again, jump or dive into the feeling that you may be resisting, no matter how unpleasant it may be. the more you do this, the more you’ll discover that most feelings that we are resisting or think will be unpleasant really aren’t all that bad. we just have to feel them for a little while, release whatever was there, and we will heal and feel much lighter or more blissful afterwards.
it’s much easier to create with a blank canvas. in any form of art and in life itself. with previous layers showing, one has to either work with them, within their constraints and definitions, or paint over them. painting over them in physical creation can be the equivalent of letting go of old emotions, beliefs, feelings, and identities in the spiritual or mental realm. however, when something truly transforms and shifts, its more like starting with a new canvas. that free energy is so liberating once something that had been hanging around for a while is fully experienced and released. its so rejuvenating to let go of the old. for me a lot of times it feels good to complete my ideas and projects simply for the free energy and attention i get after its released — yes the art or creation itself is nice to look at or share with others, though the free energy can be so much more liberating.. to know its done and then have the creative energy available for creating whatever is next. it’s like going back to a clean slate, or getting the blank canvas for whatever is next, though not always knowing what is next. it’s nice to know that i have the free energy ready for whatever is next despite not knowing it. though it is sometimes difficult being in the state of the unknown. for often we’re so caught up with mental constraints or working on something or other, that when we get to an empty state we don’t know exactly what to do. the best thing to do is just embrace the not knowing. surrender to it. fully experience the moment you are in. relax and enjoy it. its okay to relax and be, rather than having to always do something. if you feel you must do something, then go explore. do something simple you enjoy. become more present in the moments you are in. fully engage in whatever it is you are doing, even if its something as simple as going for a walk. you might normally think its just walking, getting exercise, or taking you from point a to point b though the walk itself can become an amazing journey. begin to notice things you may not have noticed before. look at the details. examine all the little nuances and intrinsic aspects along the way. look at your feelings. are you feeling anything subtly different than you were a moment ago? tune in to the environment and tune in within. the more present you become, the more aware you become of the world around you and of the inner world. as you become more aware, you will learn to listen to that quiet space within. from that beautiful silence inspiration and revelations will come to you. don’t go looking for it or expecting it. just let go and relax. you will naturally tune in and become more aware as you surrender completely to the present moment. if the mind is thinking things you have to do or should be doing, just let them go. know they will get done. know that if you need to be some place at a certain time you will naturally remember to do so. this natural remembering is the same guidance you will receive, seemingly random and when you least expect it, that will guide you to do whatever it is you are meant to do. your spirit, your higher self, god, the universe, whatever you want to call this place where it originates from, will take you on a beautiful journey if you are open to receive it. and being open to receive it is as simple as this surrendering that allows you to listen to your inner guidance and know from your heart. a lot of times its much easier to receive this guidance more clearly the more you let go of any distractions. go somewhere quiet, remove anything from your space that is distracting you, let go, and release in the physical world. this will help you naturally tune in to what is already there in the inner world. as you become more aware, the inner world and guidance will become louder than the outer world, though in the beginning, go to a place of silence. if meditating, close your eyes to visually turn off the world as you sit some place quiet where you know you won’t be distracted or disturbed. if you are still hearing thoughts or mental chatter, focus your attention on your breathe or a mantra you repeat — either of these, as well as other techniques, such as listening to a soothing natural sound, will help you relax and surrender so that you can hear and feel what your heart is calling you to do. if any feelings arise, embrace them and feel through them. as we begin to feel and re-connect with the present moment, any old emotions, feelings, or blocks that we may have previously resisted can come to the surface to be discharged. as we choose to experience these rather than continue in resistance, we will free up our energy and attention that was previously blocking us from fully experiencing the present moment. our new heightened awareness will open us up to new dimensions of possibility. the more clear we become in the present moment, the more we will begin to see miracles happening in our lives and in the world around us. the world is extremely beautiful when we learn to see through the eyes of the presence.
Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred.
love is all that matters. when you re-connect to your heart, you re-connect to others, the divine, and the universe, and you’ll begin to notice everything starts to flow effortlessly in your life. it’s such a beautiful and amazing experience, with so much gratitude and grace. life is really beautiful when we open our hearts to it.
it seems that pettiness in life arises from a lack of happiness. when you’re happy and flowing with life itself, the little things that once bothered you no longer matter.
it feels amazing to be on fire again! allow life to flow through you!!
the words “choose to live a life that is inspired rather than forced” came to me recently. this audio recording is an exploration of this and other related ideas.
there will be some really amazing healing, liberating, awakening, heart-opening energy at this event! be sure to check it out.. for my friends in Chicagoland, it’s gonna be right there in your neck of the wood next weekendfacebook.com/catherine.scherwenka/videos/10209568001583126/ facebook.com/phenomgiftchicago/videos/767860443313492/
there was another great conversation last night at the Satsang at the Flowering Heart Center. the Ho’oponopono healing process was one of the things that came up. it had come up in recent weeks or months too. here’s a link to an article i found talking about Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len who healed a whole psychiatric ward using this method: www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale
it’s really awesome to see how many of the teachings and conversations lately at the weekly satsangs have been expanding and align with how i’ve seen the world and understood reality. i admit i have strayed away from this higher awareness as i got caught up in other things along the way, though perhaps everything is now unfolding as it is, as i’ve been getting back on the path, surrendering what no longer serves me, and moving forward in this journey. as you’ll read in the article, part of this process involves taking full personal responsibility for all we have created. i learned a lot of this during the Avatar Course years ago and experienced seemingly magical transformations. it’s time to take responsibility again. to own what i/we have created and have been refusing to see or experience. it will be quite liberating to step into a new world, a new reality, upon doing so.
Michael and Suzanne will be holding a course “Healing the Shadow & our disowned selves” going into this type of process/healing. it’ll be at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater on May 15 or you can watch it online live or later. here’s a link to read more about it: floweringheart.org/shadowprocess.htm
i was listening to a couple audiobooks by Robert Holden recently. while the topics may seem general or simple, like being about love or happiness, there is a subtle profoundness to be experienced in what he is saying. some of what he mentions is really coming from higher awareness and, yes it can be applied to love or happiness, though it can also be applied to any aspect of life, and will lead to peace, higher awareness, and freedom.
i’d recommend checking his books or audios out. he’s one of the authors that will be featured in the Hay House World Summit, the world’s largest health and wellness event (which is starting very soon). there’ll be 100 free audio programs and 16 free movies/videos you can watch during it from many experts and authors. click here to check it out
All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.
so what is it that i really want to do?
i find myself at a crossroads. a time to make a decision. or perhaps, as i got from my short conversation with michael tonight after the meditation/blessing, to just allow and trust. though he did say something about deciding, or knowing which to decide. that is what i feel i really need most now, is clarity.. to decide which of multiple directions is best for me. it was good that michael felt that my situation with work right now was long coming (not his exact words though not remembering it right now). yes, i must do what is aligned with who i am and the direction i am going. it would be easy to just keep working for joe though the more i see him living from the mind and the old corporate ways/perspectives, the more i feel it’s not what i want and i’m going in the wrong direction. i’m much more interested in a different approach to life than what he sees or what so many of us see, in terms of having to work these jobs doing something we really don’t like just to pay bills and buy stuff we really don’t need. i am grateful for upcoming changes in society. i’m sure many more of us will be happy to see a new way unfold. consumerism is not sustainable for the planet and it’s not healthy for the people who are caught up in it. i want to live an inspired life. to do something fulfilling. something that has meaning and purpose and is of a greater calling. to help transform this world. and to have fun and enjoy and laugh and play too. and to have a deep, meaningful relationship. as i look at my life and what i’m thinking of i wonder will everything work out. will it all come together. i know i just have to trust it. the divine is going to put all the pieces together. i shouldn’t try to figure it out as michael essentially was saying. i can see little miracles unfolding when i surrender and allow. tonight i experienced surrendering and allowing. i had wanted to talk to tracy (tracie? tracey?) after the meditation/blessing and wanted to just relax and be me and effortless connect with others in general. i asked for these things and others during the blessing and i felt that it was happening. i saw little subtle signs or felt it or perhaps i even just told myself it was working. i usually sit with my eyes closed quietly until everyone is done with blessings. when sitting near the end i noticed that tracy was leaving and surrendered and just accepted that maybe i’d talk to her next time. though as i went back to sitting there with my eyes closed, i felt that maybe she was still there and maybe i didn’t have to sit there waiting for everyone to finish. the energy and space are already high, i don’t necessarily need to sit there to help hold the space longer.. and everyone was pretty much already done anyhow. i think it was a few seconds later that my friend audrey came to give me a hug as she had to leave early as her car was blocking others in the driveway. after that, i got up and saw tracy was standing quietly just outside the kitchen. i walked over to her and don’t remember exactly how our conversation started.. i think she said something about not talking to me since she started coming back or something. then we talked for a little bit and it was nice. a simple idea of sending blessings when she’s at work came to me (when she was telling me she would listen to spiritual or meditation songs on her headphones and was wondering what the current song was playing) and she really liked the idea. it was nice to see that my asking to connect with her effortlessly manifested. all i had to do was listen to the idea that came to me that was telling me it’d be okay to get up. it felt like when she got up and i surrendered i was almost saying bye internally or something. and it felt like in that same space i told her i’d talk to her if she waited around. i’m not sure if she waited around to find out what the song was or to just stay in the energy or exactly what reason, but it all worked out. it was all in divine order. this is the same place i must go to to feel what i want to do. i’ve been looking at vans and thinking of selling the condo and getting the van and living out of it, though i feel that having a relationship with a girl is really what i would enjoy more than traveling or living the unique lifestyle out of the van. and who knows, maybe who i’m with would want to do the long term travel for a while. i would enjoy the inspiration and adventure of traveling and living a unique and minimal life though i could find other ways to be creative even if i’m not traveling. i told michael about the audio programs i recorded almost a year ago. it felt good to do those. maybe that’s what i’ve got to explore more. then it comes down to the whole money thing. i know it will all manifest. i must just trust it and allow it to happen and stop overthinking it. it was good to talk a little bit with michael before leaving though then when i over-analyze it, i think i could’ve talked more with tracy instead and i was feeling i could ask if she wanted to go out. i don’t even know if she’s single or not though it felt like i could’ve simply asked her. i would’ve liked to have hugged her but i was talking to michael instead when she was leaving. now i’m feeling that perhaps i shouldn’t focus as much on the van and allow things to unfold divinely. i’ll see her again next week. i can talk to her and hug her then, and perhaps ask her out too. i’ll ask for divine guidance. i don’t have to know all the answers. that’s what i’ve been thinking. i try to figure out everything and put all the pieces together. i’ve just got to relax and surrender. in this whole process of life too. i don’t need to know how it’s going to work out or even where i’m going or what i want to do. i’ll just take it day by day. today i was working on putting together one of the old time-lapses that have been waiting to be done. i hadn’t been feeling like doing it because i was trying to get all this other stuff sorted out. though that’s not all necessary. i just felt like doing it, i think yesterday i did a bit of work on it and then today, and it was quite simple. it doesn’t have to be hard. i don’t have to make life all that difficult or complicated. letting go of all the unnecessary stress or burdens is certainly helpful. now as i type this and stop trying to think of all the details of what happened exactly in the past (even though the past was only a short while ago, its still going back into the mind to try to remember it.. and not even getting it all correctly). it’s like this writing. just let it flow. thats where it all comes down to. step into the present moment and roll with it. allow the divine to spontaneously flow through you. that’s all it is. step into the flow. stop trying to think about it. don’t worry. the divine knows better than us, doesn’t it?? i’m sure it does. stop worrying about it. trust it. it’s all unfolding. ask the divine for what you want and you’ll watch it happen. in this world of needing to control things, its easy for the mind to think it has to take charge and do things. just let go. ask and allow. that’s how i was able to talk to tracy tonight. i just asked and allowed. it was that simple. it was nice. i hadn’t really talked to her that effortlessly or even that much before. i know i could still see myself trying to think or be present or try to do too much though it worked out somewhat and it was fine. that’s all ya gotta do. is simply relax and be. allow life to happen. enjoy it. and if the van thing happens, great. if it doesn’t, that’s great too. i’ll feel into how i’m feeling and allow it to unfold. i could even get the van and travel around locally here and have a girlfriend locally. it will all work out. i think part of what i’ve been trying to do for so long has been to fit into a box of what i thought was how things should be. i know i’m pretty out of the box for the most part. but in thinking i had to settle down and ended up moving back to florida to stay in one spot. it’s not all that i need to do… and look right now at what happened.. i stopped to think or look back at what i wrote or wonder where words were going and then i lost what was coming out. don’t make life so difficult. life can be easy. i was telling michael how i felt inspired by wayne dyer and recorded the audio programs and how i’d like to be able to just do that sort of thing but then shared my doubts about making money with it right away. and he said not necessarily (or something) when i said i thought it wouldn’t happen right away or would take time or something. it all goes back to trust. and being aligned. he spoke about creating but then how much more powerful we create when we are aligned with the divine. i shared a quick version of my story when i felt i created a little miracle for my friend matt at the restaurant one night after the avatar course. in sharing the story, it was good to be able to share it briefly. i notice how much i can go into so many details that aren’t all that necessary. sure, sometimes its good to share details but i don’t have to feel it needs to be done all the time. i know i’ve seen my mom do that and i think i’ve gotten it from her. i know i can talk quickly trying to get in all the details and i saw myself doing that when i was sharing some of it with him tonight. i feel i have to rush to get it all in as maybe either its too long or i won’t be able to speak it all or maybe i’m wondering if the other person is interested, or perhaps i’m simply being a little vulnerable. its interesting to see this and knowing what i know about my mom see what aspects she could be exhibiting when she’s telling stories like that and her nervousness or anxiousness or whatever it is. it’s interesting to see all of this programming. i’ve known this for a while. it’s just a matter of feeling it and letting it go if it no longer serves. or simply stepping into the present moment and allowing. it’s all beautiful when we just surrender and allow. i’m really grateful for everything in my life. i’ve been thinking recently about surrendering more. like right now i’m looking for a solution or opportunity like the van since i don’t have the income from working with joe. i’m not sure if i will have any more from him in the future or not, but it feels like it’d just be simpler to let go and be done. to not get caught up with all of the stress or drama involved with the company. and to do something more inspired. i don’t know exactly what it looks like but i trust it will all unfold. i like when michael has told the story i think of one who was enlightened and was a fool and would just play in the market with the children all day or something. i’ve enjoyed being the fool around friends and family. just allowing the fun and foolishness or goofiness to spontaneously flow through me. recently i’ve also been thinking that i shouldn’t allow anyone to hold me back. i think i’ve been looking at situations with work or the condo or girls that i’ve been talking to but are only friends with currently. i’ve just got to follow my heart and do what feels right to me. and this doesn’t mean that those people, situations, etc will just disappear completely. they could but they might also not. don’t try to figure out the universe or the divine order behind everything. it can be all quite crazy. something could just show up unexpectedly. we’ve got to learn to trust and allow and embrace the unknown. it’s a vulnerability to embrace the unknown. though the more we do so, the easier it becomes. it was nice to speak at the meditation/satsang, i think it was the one last week, when suzanne asked me whats important to me, after others were sharing their feelings or thoughts. i had wanted to speak and felt that i would say something if i was asked or something. i don’t recall exactly. either she picked up on it or the divine guided her or it was simply the way i looked or something that led to her asking me. i said i don’t know when she first asked and i think a few people laughed or felt that or something. then i went on to say something that i was feeling that someone else had touched upon. i don’t recall exactly but i recall that it felt like what i was speaking wasn’t always exactly how i would say it thought it was close. and i was wondering why i was saying it like that. it must’ve been the divine flowing through me. it’s nice. i feel i could surrender my whole life to the divine and allow the divine to flow through me at all in time with anyone and in any situation. though i’ve got to learn to trust it. i know god is looking out for me. though i have fears about what if something goes wrong. i know in the divine hands nothing ever goes wrong. but what if something happens that i don’t like. i look at situations, now a long long time ago, that occurred and perhaps i’m thinking of those. sometimes it felt a little scary knowing how far i could go if i just trusted the moment and the feeling. i never got hurt or anything but i wonder what if things got crazy and i did. like if i went too extreme in driving or trying some ambitious stunt or something. i think i’m just overthinking this as i don’t even drive fast anymore and i’m not sure i’d try anything crazy. though i know in the past it did feel like i could almost try something crazy when i was drunk or high. when i’ve let go of all inhibitions, it was exactly that. letting go of all limitations and then anything would be possible. and the crazy thing was that it felt like i could actually do it. like is that all this is really about? is letting go of all the inhibitions? i know it is. but is it really? i’ve been there. i’ve been in some pretty high states after the avatar course and letting go of so much where i felt and knew anything was possible. i know i’ve re-created old ways and identities these past years and i must let those go. letting go of all that no longer serves me will open me up to what’s possible. all of our blocks are really self imposed. we may not know it. but we are really limiting ourselves with these things, stories, identities, etc, etc. as we let go, we free our attention and energy and get closer to our true nature. our true nature is free. we are free. we are divine. there’s a part of us, perhaps deep down inside, that is divine. we only must ask for it and we will find it. yes it does seem there can be some or a lot of work to do. but it will be so worth it. i know i’ve been lazy lately about doing the work or even about doing things i want to do. but it’s like michael and suzanne have been saying about cleaning up and showing up. that’s what must be done. i look forward to their course on the shadow work. i may not want to jump into the shadow elements but i will. it will be worth it. yes it might be a bit vulnerable but it will make a difference to completely let go of old personalities or things that no longer serve me. i guess this brings me back to where i was in avatar. i remember after letting go of so much i think i felt that i didnt know who i was. i know i get to create it. but i didnt know what to create. and thats where i’m at now too. i dont know exactly what to decide. or where i’ve been at. i’m now deciding. i know what i want. i’ll say it again. i want to have fun, enjoy life, have a beautiful relationship, partake in a spiritual community, be inspired and inspire others. i want to flow with life. i want to see a beautiful planet and new world unfold. i know i want a lot. i must decide where to start. or i just ask for it all and allow it to unfold and manifest in perfect order. stop overthinking and start allowing. going back to surrendering. it feels good to let go of what no longer serves me. i see how much stuff i’ve been hanging on to that i didn’t really need. i thought maybe i’d use it for a project one day. or some things i forgot i even had. it’s good to clean up the clutter in one’s life. in physical life and in mental and spiritual life. it feels so good to have more free energy and attention and feel lighter. travel lightly. live lightly. perhaps this is the sort of thing i need to do. as far as in work and all. i’ve been thinking or feeling this recently. i’ve been wanting to do something that matters, that could help others, and that resonated with who i am. i’ve known about all this mass-media driven consumerism for a long time. i just found references to it in my writing from 10-15 years ago. i’m seeing more of it lately and more people becoming aware of it. i think i’ve come across it more since i’ve decided to surrender and let go. i got to the point by the end of last year of realizing my old ways were no longer working. i was getting caught up in the chase of wanting more or needing more. it was taking over or overwhelming me. i knew it and had seen it in the past too. i see it in so much of the photography world, where it’s all about the equipment and latest gadgets. yes these things can be helpful though its much more important to actually create work and be creative rather than need the next latest gadget. and i wasn’t even needing everything though in chasing after this sort of thing or wondering when the next camera or lens would come out became so draining. i think this sort of approach puts us so much into the mind and it hands over controls to the mind. rather than learning to surrender and allow whatever is needed to unfold, the mind thinks its got to do things a certain way or try to make things happen or control things. anyhow, before going on to too much of a ramble or rant about the mind, lets get back to where we were going. i feel that as i’ve let go, as i’ve accepted, surrendered, etc, i’ve opened up more space for whats new to unfold in my life. it’s been nice to see that i’ve actually been chatting with girls on dating sites/apps and have actually met a couple in person. before, when i was living too much from the mind or taking other’s advice, such as joe’s, of needing to be a certain way or whatnot, i wasn’t living authentically. and by doing so, i wasn’t getting any or very little response. by letting go of what doesn’t serve me, i step out of the mind and into the flow of spirit, and everything unfolds much more smoothly and effortlessly. it’s all in divine order. i see how i was when i first started going to the flowering heart center last summer when i got back to town where i was much quieter and thinking i needed to be a certain way or whatnot and compare it to how i feel now. i’m still not all outgoing though i’ve opened up more and its really nice to see the change. and i can see this continue to change, not only there, but in connecting with others anywhere. i’ve just to remember we’re all one being so i’m just talking to another part of myself so its really no big deal. and let go of attachment to outcome. it doesn’t matter if we don’t resonate or connect or even get along. it’s all in the moment. and as far as with looking to create a relationship with a girl, i’ve got to just be me and that’s how i’ll make friends and find who’s right for me. it’s really that simple. i can’t do what others have said about needing to be or look or act a certain way. maybe that works for some, but maybe that’s what really doesn’t work. this is life. there are no rules. just be yourself. it’s that simple. thats what feels right. follow your heart. and allow it all to unfold in perfect order. look at the times you’ve felt most alive in your life. see what’s been common there. for me it’s just been when i’ve had fun and have felt free. when i’ve connected with others. when i’ve spoken exactly what someone else needed to hear. when someone opened their heart to me or when i’ve opened my heart to them. it hasn’t been when i’ve been caught up in rules or materialism or needing anything else other than the moment i was in. that moment was perfect. we all seek this perfection or what we think is perfect or what others have told us is perfect though the only true perfection comes when we stop looking for it. the moment is perfect when we step into it. let go of what you think or are expecting to be perfect. these attachments of how you think life should look like are what hold us back from actually living life. experience what is here and now. let go of the stories and thinking. let it all unfold. just feel and be present. that’s how it felt like i could actually ask tracy if she wanted to go out or meet up or something. it just felt like it was possible. i didnt think about it or analyze it. i asked for the help of the divine to connect and open my heart or i dont even remember what right now. i just gotta step out of my own way. its that easy. don’t stop yourself from being yourself. be who you really are. and who you really are is divinely guided. its your spirit, your essence, your true nature. its not your mind or thinking or trying to do things a certain way or how society sees them. who you really are is who you really are. its who you are when you are you. when you are relaxed, free, flowing, enjoying life. so i guess thats what i really want. to be free, to be me, to flow, to connect with others, and to enjoy life. i don’t know exactly what it will look like but that’s part of the adventure. and it’ll be fun. i am me. i flow with life and life flows through me. i embrace it and enjoy it. i love it. i give and receive love. i spontaneously and naturally and effortlessly connect with others. it all works out perfectly because i’m not trying to make it perfect.
life is quite simple if we allow it to be. rather than following what someone else is telling you to do or thinking you need to fit into an existing system, listen to your own heart and inner calling. this guidance will take you on a journey of doing what you love and are passionate about. and this alone will make all the difference
[i was thinking about exploring who i am or what i want in life for a while though hadn’t gotten to it. last night while on the phone with a new friend, DeAnne, she said something at one point about me not knowing what i want, so i felt perhaps i should explore this this morning]
so what is it that i really want?
i sit here and ponder how to write the next chapter of my life. i’ve been desiring a few things, a few changes. part of me feel torn in deciding what really would be best for me right now. simply, i just want to enjoy life. and i’ve gotten to a place of having a lot of peace in my life, after surrendering attachments and things that were no longer serving me. so now that i’ve freed up this space, what do i create? how do i live my life?
i could simply sit here and live a peaceful life and i’ve had the experience of feeling that it’s totally fine, even just when i’m here at my condo and not doing a whole lot. i no longer have the need to go out and do something necessarily just to to make me feel better. nor do i have the resistance to being here and being bored. yes, sometimes i may feel a little bored or lonely, though most of that is gone. i’ve been able to accept it.
yet at the same time, i don’t want to just sit here and do nothing. part of me feels i should or could do something else with my life. so i ponder what is my purpose. what am i here to do with life? at least right now, or in the coming years. where do i decide to go?
so many speak of doing what one loves or is passionate about to make one feel happy or enjoy life. i look at what really moves me, and what i really enjoy. and some of it i am experiencing now. i do really like having alone time, or more specifically, quiet time, away from the chaos of the world. and i have a lot of that now. and i do like exploring nature and the beauty of it. and i do get that now. i enjoy biking, and there are really nice paths here to go to a couple of local parks without crossing the major roads too. it’s quite a beautiful area. i really enjoy that. i don’t like my immediate area as much as i’d prefer to have my own home on my own land rather than live in a condo building with the parking lot right outside. though the beautiful area and being able to bike around here partially makes up for it, and most of the time it is quiet and peaceful here. if i were to change it, i’d find somewhere where the immediate area was more natural and peaceful and quiet. i like my home to be a sanctuary or a sacred space. somewhere i can go to escape the noise of the world and relax or do as i please. if i want to engage in the noise of life, i’ll go out to places that are loud where i find that. though i really enjoy and like my home to be quiet and peaceful, unless i’m choosing to turn on music, watch a movie, speak loudly, etc. though i don’t want any outside influences happening at undesired times to affect my space. going back to nature, i do bike to the parks on the lake here and through paths that are usually fairly empty which is really nice. i look at if i were to live somewhere else if i would have such a beautiful area to bike in, and i realize a lot of places might not have paths or trails so that would be something important to consider if i were to move elsewhere. though i look at if i were to travel [more about that later], that i could go to beautiful natural places and find those types of paths or trails too. i enjoy living here as there are a number of really nice parks in the area or not too far away. i often go out by the gulf and its nice to be able to drive less than 20 or 30 minutes to various quiet or natural spots by the water. sometimes there is a little traffic to deal with though its typically not that bad when i go. and when i go exploring, i do engage in creativity with my photography or occasional writing too which is something else i enjoy. i also see that i have a nice feeling of community here over at the flowering heart center, and there are a few other spiritual communities too though i haven’t gone to them in a while.
so i see i have a lot working and that i do enjoy already. but what else is it that i long for in life? before going there, i see that a lot of what i desire, in what i do have and in what i seek, is connection. a deeper connection, one that i can find in a quiet space such as in my home, or out in the beauty of nature or by the water, or in a community, or in a close intimate connection with another. i feel that this last part is what i really desire. to have a deeper intimate connection with another. it’s one of the most important parts of a relationship that i desire to create with a girl. there are many other aspects too that i’d like to share with her, though with a deep connection and to be truly in love, so much of the other stuff no longer matters. it seems that everything is based on love. whether its something we do, or something we feel for ourselves, or for our own life, or for the world, or something we share with another. i look at the times i’ve felt love in various ways in the past and its when i’ve felt most alive. i feel the most aliveness has been when i’ve been in love with a girl or when i’ve been engaged with a community or friends that accepted or loved me for who i am. feeling this love back from another allowed me to open myself up and shine forth who i really was. then all the things i enjoyed doing naturally happened. it seems that often we look at what to do when it’s not really what we’re doing that matters. it’s how we’re doing it, from a place of love. when i’ve been surrounded by friends and just having fun and being me, it felt natural and was really a lot of fun. when i’ve been in a close relationship with someone whom i shared love with, it didn’t really matter what we did. just spending time with her, whether cuddling, laying in each other’s arms looking into each other’s eyes, cooking or eating out together, going on an adventure around town or traveling further away, watching a movie, talking, whatever it was, it didn’t really matter. it was just being in that place of feeling love for each other and feeling that love returned. that was the aspect that truly mattered and made a difference. it was the feeling and the being, not the actual doing. the romance, the adventure, the fun, the intimacy, the connection, the sharing of life was all great but love was what made it feel so beautiful. that is what i truly long for. someone i can share a beautiful life in love with. and from there we can create whatever experiences we desire to embrace, share, and experience in life. it’d be nice to have some compatible perspectives on life. we don’t have to have the exact same viewpoints on things though just ones that are somewhat aligned to be able to create and share the experiences we both desire. so that’s something else i can explore..
so what is it that i enjoy doing or how do i see the world?
some of this i’ve already mentioned above. i enjoy adventure and exploration. in various forms. it’s nice to go for a ride around town to someplace new or that i haven’t been to in a while. it’s nice to go on further trips or across the country or even around the world. however while i do like traveling, i do also enjoy staying locally too or just hanging out at home. i think this comes as a part of being in love, either with another or by loving and accepting myself where i am. with this love, some of the urge or need to travel disappears. though i still really do enjoy the adventure of travel and it’s been a lot of fun, especially to go someplace i’ve never been to. part of this desire to travel is why i got a truck and camper a few years ago, and more recently i’ve seen videos of a few couples who’ve been living life on the road and thought that’d be really neat to do. i’m not sure if i’d want to do that long term or not, though i do like the alternative lifestyle and how beautiful it’d be to wake up in many beautiful new places and go exploring every day. i have yet to explore many other countries though would consider doing so at some point. i think for now, i’m more interested in exploring here as it’d be much more cost effective to be able to travel more and it’d require less planning.
i like to have some idea in life of where i want to go though i don’t like be burdened down by plans. it does feel to be a lot more fun to be spontaneous and either not plan at all or only plan a little bit in advance. i also feel that if someone i loved wanted to do the planning, with my input or knowing my interests, i’d be okay with that too. though i don’t want to get too caught up in the details or feeling i have to follow the plan or keep on track. that’s really the part about it that i don’t like. is the burden of feeling limited in time and having to get from one place to another by a certain deadline. i like to really embrace the experience of where i am in the moment, and thinking of needing to do something by a certain time really limits my experience and then i’m thinking through the experience rather than fully being present in the moment and embracing all that is in the here and now. this freedom and flexibility is really important to me as it affects how i experience and enjoy life. in the past i’ve had so many times of being burdened down by something or other that i didn’t feel i fully experienced what i could have in the moment. i enjoy spontaneity and if i get curious about something, being able to go explore it. it’s fun to see a place on the map or find a path or trail and feel drawn to it and just go down it. if i have to think i’ve only got a certain amount of time before i need to go somewhere else or do something else, then i feel i need to focus on that so i can stay responsible and make certain i do what i said i was going to do. so in short, it goes back to what i said earlier. if who i’m exploring with doesn’t mind not planning or wants to gently or quietly keep track of the plan and time, then i’m fine with that as i can still feel the sense of exploration and freedom.
so that was a bit of a tangent on spontaneity that i chose to explore. so this is how this sort of thing works. i got interested in that or was feeling that and its what came up. if i chose not to write about it or explore it because i had to stick to some sort of plan of what i was trying to convey here, then it wouldn’t have been the same. in looking for someone, i realize a lot of girls, especially a lot of who i’d be interested in who are in their mid to late 20s or early 30s, may be thinking of having kids. i’m really not certain if i do want kids or not, and a lot of it is because of this whole freedom, flexibility, and spontaneity. also a part of it is financial as i know there can be many more expenses in having children and having or needing to create more income goes back to the whole idea of freedom, spontaneity, and living in the moment. i don’t want to be forced to have to go to a job i don’t like just to survive in this world. i see too many people do that and they aren’t happy. they’re living out of a place of need, struggle, or having to do something. rather than embracing life and creating the life they desire. a lot of people feel they need to do this sort of thing because that’s what society conditions them to do. all they know is the whole basic pattern of what most others have been doing in their lives. i do see this whole area starting to change as more people awaken to new possibilities, and i’m really drawn to exploring these unique ways of living. i’m really interested in sustainability, especially complete self-sustainability and off-grid living, and not relying on anything outside of one’s self to in order to exist. so then one can put one’s energy and focus on what one really desires in life rather than in doing something one might not like just to earn money in order to pay for the essentials to exist, and sometimes, for many, get caught up in purchasing many things one doesn’t really need because they think it’ll bring happiness but it never does for very long. so going back to the whole idea of children, i felt into it the other day and pondered on what it was that was giving me the viewpoint of not being sure about wanting children, and the past viewpoint of not wanting children. i feel a lot of it is what i said above and part of it is also wanting to make sure i could bring them up in a good place as so many of us, myself included, had experiences in growing up that were less than ideal. and i wouldn’t want to put anyone else through a less than ideal experience. yes i realize life is not perfect though i do strive to simplify it and make it as ideal, or coming from a more positive place as possible, than otherwise. i feel if i was deeply in love with someone and we had shared a beautiful romance and deep connection for years, then at that point i could feel more open to having kids though i’d also likely be totally fine without having them as i currently am. sometimes its hard to know exactly how one will feel in the future for there are so many experiences that will affect how we’re feeling between now and then. before knowing or deciding what i want to do regarding this, i’d like to have and share the deep connection first, as that’s where everything originates from. and from a place of being truly in love with each other, as i wrote above, a lot of the actual experiences in the world really won’t matter. it’ll be experiencing the world from a place of love that makes life really beautiful. i also feel in being so close to someone else, that it would be much easier to share whatever aspects of life we want to create together. we’d engage in the world as a team and be there to support each other rather than trying to figure it all out on our own. and we might not agree 100% on everything, though from a place of love it will all work out. looking at another aspect of life, for example, i wouldn’t mind living in a city or a more densely populated place if i was with someone i loved. yes, i’d still prefer to have someplace more natural though the feeling of being deeply in love with someone would overcome a lot of the obstacles of living in a place that’s not 100% the most ideal. and i think that in a case like this, it would allow for more adventures and travel. in at least one of the videos i watched recently about couples who were living out of a van or traveling, they spoke about getting so comfortable in living in a nice home that they might not want to go out and explore the world. and i’m not saying either is good or bad, though just exploring multiple perspectives on it.
exploring multiple perspectives leads me on to the next aspect of this exploration which is that itself. i love to explore, yes i believe i said that above, though not just as in going out in the world and exploring, but also in exploring ideas, philosophies, viewpoints, ways of seeing the world, possibilities, etc — much of what my photography, writing, etc are all about. i feel that in this exploration we open ourselves up to new ways of seeing the world, and let go of limiting perspectives, and sometimes see things that were always there though we were blind to. i could ramble on a lot about this, and will keep it short for now, though this is really part of personal and spiritual growth. as we become more aware of various aspects of ourself, we expand our awareness to higher levels of consciousness and gain new insights and direct experiences of what this whole thing we call life really is. we’ll also learn that we are all interconnected, and coming from a higher place, can create great change in the current world and make it a truly beautiful place for all of us to live in. so that was really short and didn’t touch on a lot of what it could have though i’m getting a little tired of sitting at the computer typing this and am feeling my next adventure awaiting. and that’s how a lot of this works. our intuition, or divine guidance, or inner feelings can guide us and effortlessly take us to where we’re going. i see this is a much more effective and very much more peaceful way of going about life. i see so many of us get caught up in having to do things, and a lot relates to what i wrote above about most people being conditioned to think they have to do so in order to live life, that we don’t truly live or fully experience or embrace the beauty of life. i love to see beauty in simple things. and it feels so liberating to have less to worry about or keep track of. society has grown so quickly and so many of us have gotten so addicted to modern technologies or solutions for things that we don’t really even need. if we step back outside of ourselves and look at it all, we’ll see this and realize that none of these external things that we chase after are even real. they don’t define us. they don’t make us happy. it’s all an illusion. only we, ourselves, can make ourselves happy. it’s a choice. we can choose to go about life happily or we can be stuck looking for external happiness.
so back to the other adventure i just mentioned. i’m feeling like going out to one of my favorite parks around here, honeymoon island, and going for a walk. i was originally thinking of writing this out there though i felt by the time i got there and went through traffic and was actually there i might not be feeling like writing it, so i chose to write it now before going. i think i mentioned above that i enjoy nature and parks. it feels so long ago, i don’t even know exactly when i started writing this or how long it’s been. i love getting lost in the moment. that’s what i’m talking about with spontaneity and freedom and flexibility. i like my life to flow effortlessly. yes sometimes there are challenges but i do my best not to get caught up in them. that doesn’t always happen, though as i learn to surrender and let go of resistance and allow a force higher than myself to guide me, all the pieces of the puzzle come together. the universe is in perfect order when we allow it to divinely unfold. still trying to get back to adventures.. i’m open to exploring adventurous activities like zip-lining, riding personal watercraft, skydiving, etc. i haven’t done too much in this realm and am not too attached to having to do any, though if i meet someone who’s interested in them, i’d be open to trying them. i’d probably enjoy them as i’m sure a lot of these things would be fun or would give me new perspectives on life. which is why i’d also be open to living life on the road. when i lived out of my truck camper for 10 weeks from chicago to california and back to florida, and the following year for 3 weeks from chicago to maine to florida, i liked seeing and exploring new places, though i missed the connection with another or community. i loved seeing beautiful places in nature though without having someone to share it with, and sometimes without having an internet signal to connect with the outside world, and without having a community to participate in regularly, it wasn’t as nice as it could’ve been. this is why i came back to florida and ended up buying my condo. so i could be settled down in one spot and be able to meet other people and find a community, friends, or a girlfriend to share the beauty of life with. it was also much easier not having to go looking for a place to park and sleep undisturbed every night. and there are some beautiful places in this area that many other parts of the country don’t have.
i’m feeling it’s time to take a break though i know this doesn’t feel complete. there’s much more i could write and i have to scroll up to see what i even started talking about when i asked the question of what i enjoy doing or how i see the world. for the most part, its basically anything coming from a place of peace, exploration, or fun. i like meeting others who are awakened, on a spiritual path, open to higher awareness, have a conscious perspective on life, or simply have a good attitude and are nice or sweet. essentially i’m looking to meet someone who is coming from the heart or who wants to open her heart to me as i open my heart to her, and who desires to share and create a beautiful life together. i don’t know how all the exact details will look though life is our canvas and the world our playground, and we can share an amazing journey and adventure together, should we desire and choose to.
recently i’ve come across a number of videos by couples who are living out of a van and sharing their experiences online. it’s been quite inspirational to watch them share their stories and journeys. shortly after i first got my truck camper i had thought of creating a video journal of my life on the road, though never did in the manner i had first thought of. i ended up shooting films comprised of short clips and time-lapses of my journey instead. i feel inspired to complete the rest of the videos, or at least the remaining ones from chicagoland to california (for now).
check out some of their videos. the first video is Mat and Danielle, of Exploring Alternatives, whom share why they love living a van. they also have a lot of videos on their youtube channel with tips of what they’ve learned in their lifestyle. in the second video, Emily and Corey of Where’s My Office Now? interview others living nomadic lifestyles (this is the last video in the series they did). they have other videos on their youtube channel as well. the last video is of Rachel and James from Idle Theory Bus (whom Emily and Corey caravanned with to do the interview series). they have a few more videos on their vimeo channel. each video has a little bit different feel. it’s interesting that all three couples began their journeys around the same time (which is also around the time i was on my journey out west with my truck and camper). it’s also beautiful to see the awareness they have or gain during their journeys.
watch their videos, explore their websites, and be inspired to do what you’re passionate about or feel called to, regardless of whether or not its something considered out there or not normal. so many people conform to the norms of society because that’s all they know or because they are afraid to do otherwise. it’s absolutely possible to live an alternate lifestyle and really enjoy doing it. it can open a whole new world to you and might just be much simpler than you imagine once you get going. you can often do so much more with less. start to let go of what no longer serves you. lately i’ve been selling a few things and getting rid of old stuff, and it feels so liberating to clear up that space and make room (not just physically but also in energy and attention) for what i do want to create in my life. part of me has even thought about selling my condo. i’ve thought a little more about getting my own land and building a sustainable or earth-friendly home, or getting a van or another truck and going traveling or even living nomadically (especially if i meet a nice, sweet, pretty girl who’d like to join me on the journey).
anyhow, i’ll stop writing before i end up rambling more. enjoy the videos, be inspired, and do what you love (or simply be)!www.exploringalternatives.ca www.wheresmyofficenow.com www.idletheorybus.com
[excerpts from a chat with my old friend matt..]
i’ve been feeling more into what i want to do with my life “when i grow up” 😊
i have no idea 😃
well.. actually.. i have some ideas. i just gotta decide i suppose. i feel i’m getting closer. but i try to tackle too much at once. like deciding where do i want to live.. i like the area here though would prefer to have my own land and home rather than a condo.. though will the oceans rise here in the future and would it even be worth building something here.. i also think about getting a sprinter van and living out of it and traveling across the country, even living in cities out of the van as it’d look like a cargo van.. though then i think well that might be a hassle to have to find a place to park and have a smaller place, despite it being pretty discreet if it’s a plain van. i also would like to meet a girl and start a relationship and it’d probably be best to do this first before jumping all in to a new home or van as what i want regarding this may change when i’m in a relationship.. i’ve also become more relaxed with just accepting and appreciating what i do have living here, so it’s a toss up regarding travel full time. then i also look at what i want to do with my artwork.. i’ve though about quitting photography altogether as i wasn’t happy overall, though as i change how i look at everything, it becomes easier and i can shift how or mostly why i’m doing the artwork. i’d like to explore writing and speaking more. i know i have powerful talents, and would like to use them to help inspire and awaken others, and elevate the consciousness and awareness of the planet. i know i see things differently than others, and i could just sit here and enjoy it, though the world would be a better place if more of us would live more peaceful lives. together we can totally transform this planet. it will happen, i know it. though i ponder exactly what is my role in it.. do i do something or simply my presence here doing whatever i’m inspired to do enough to impact the collective energy and affect change. okay that was a bit long and i’m starting to ramble on.. what is it that you would like to do? what do you feel in your heart most drawn to?
yeah, i know. its okay to not know 😊 i’m becoming more okay with that recently which is nice.. its more peaceful to accept it
experience is so much better
part of my surrendering has been accepting where i’m at, becoming more comfortable and peaceful with my present scenario. sure, i’d like not to have to have a mortgage or car loan and other expenses, and i’d like to have a nicer place, or more money to freely travel or splurge, though as i accept where i am, i find much peace and gratitude for being so close to beautiful parks, not having to deal with a commute or job i hate, having more free time, etc, etc
its just not worth the stress of _having_ to do more and more just to make more money because of wanting to buy things we really dont need
yet so many people think they must buy and have certain things because of how society has conditioned them to believe (and really just to benefit those who control the money)
i’ve thought of living in a van or something, even if i were to not travel a lot and stay locally here just as it would save on expenses.. i could minimize how much money i’m putting back into a corrupt system. and i could then further enjoy not having to worry about working as much and put my energy into really embracing what i want to do in life, and if i did make more, great, i could save it for land at some point, though if i didn’t, then no big deal, i could still enjoy the unique lifestyle and inspire others to do what they want with their lives, to live their dreams and passions, and not let what they think they’re “supposed to do” due to being programmed by a corrupt system get in the way
yeah, that’s what i’m looking at, if the experience will be worth the challenges
though i’m also becoming more comfortable with living here, even if i am alone and my place isn’t rehabbed and older. i know in the not too distant future, i’ll be able to pay down the car loan and mortgage, and it will be even more pleasant too. sometimes patience must be learned instead of doing something rash just to resist certain aspects one doesn’t like
the more you learn to listen to your heart / intuition / divine guidance, the more effortless your life will become, as you begin to observe it simply unfolding naturally as you flow with life (and as life flows through you)
explorations of the self
what have i been creating lately in this so-called reality?
it seems that part of me has been waiting for the rest of the world to wake up. after awakening, or awakening to new realizations, years ago, something brought me to re-creating old aspects of myself. it feel like part of it was that i found myself surrounded by old influences, family and some old friends. perhaps part of me didn’t know how to operate from higher frequencies. i’m not sure that it was that exactly. it feels like it was related to my surroundings. in seeing that others didn’t understand how i was experiencing the world, did i go back to their level of understanding just to fit in and relate? a part of it feels like i created myself in ways that they still understood for i feared what they would think of me or that they wouldn’t understand what happened if i showed up completely transformed. another part of what happened was that i saw others who were on a similar journey seemed more interested in just having fun and creating their own dreams rather than awakening the world. i feel that i had this start to happen to me too. after seeing others seeking their goals and dreams, i decided to pursue some of my own. i think part of it was a gradual process. when i created the ability to get my truck and camper, i was still feeling inspired and was writing and creating art. though i think after i got it, i got caught up with all the
it always seems so difficult to get back to sleep after awakening from a dream. in the last couple of moments just before i completely drifted into this reality, it felt a little like i was in the matrix, realizing it was not real. it’s funny being in a dream as my commands to the body don’t always work.. like i was driving and trying to shift gears but it wasn’t working completely for some reason. it wasn’t working in that the hand-eye coordination was different, so it was different than in this current waking reality. though in the dream it must’ve worked to a degree as i was able to still drive despite the shifting not working properly. it’s quite strange what occurs in dreams. it’s as if our feelings are processed in different ways. like things in my life showed up differently. for example, in the dream it seemed like the event i normally went to each week was canceled, though perhaps this came up due to a couple of other events actually being canceled. but it felt like it was the one.. though it perhaps it was the way the mind was processing it. it was thinking it was the one because of how it associated the location and people involved. yet the location itself was a little different. but it felt right. the feeling was there and the feeling of everyone felt like it was the same community. but visually in the dream a lot of it was different. and in the dream when going to back to my car and doing whatever i was doing there (deciding where to go? gathering myself or my belongings??), it felt like i had momentarily forgotten where i was in the dream. and then something changed or shifted in the dream. all of a sudden the car was parked up high on a weird hill that i didn’t think was there before. i thought i had parked on the ground and there was no hill. yet i was on a hill inside a fence next to another car, and at first i didn’t see the way out as it was a steep way down. i saw others arriving and realizing that the weekly gathering was cancelled for a strange regulatory reason. i made it down the hill with the car and when i got to the road to head back to the main road, it was quite strange as the road was small, possibly unpaved, and curved weird. at the end of the curves, right near the main road, there was a single gas pump in a small spot, with no gas station. i had recognized that as not being normal or not normally there, as if it was not there just moments ago. then i got on the main road and started driving, listening to the very loud noise of the car that was behind me on the small road passing, though we both were heading for a stopped light. at this point something awoke me and i realized it was just a dream. i realized that the process i had left running on the computer was complete and took care of it. then laying in bed thinking of the first thought or two i wrote at the beginning of this, and unable to fall back asleep. part of it was the thinkingness of being in the mind thinking of the words, wanting to write them or type them (especially as the computer was right there), though also wanting to drift back into the dream but unable to do so. the urge to record part of what i remembered of the end of the dream must’ve become greater than the urge to lay there thinking about it or wanting to get back to sleep as here i am laying off the side of my bed typing this. i wonder if this same reasoning is why i feel uncertain as what to do in this current reality after having awoken. its like in the dream, i could go back to dreaming and forget that it was a dream though that doesn’t feel like its what i want to or can do. so now i wonder what do i do? if it was just a dream, do i now choose to dream another dream, or do i go back into the current dream knowing its a dream and play and live in a new way?
gotta love repeating numbers! i’ve seen so many these past months, perhaps even longer. lately i’ve been noticing the time i get to the kitchen after finally deciding to get out of bed has been 8:28. it seems to not matter when i fall asleep or wake up or how long i’m laying in bed.. it seems to be either exactly 8:28 or right around that time that i make it to the kitchen. and these past days, i forget how many, have all been 8:28.
as we learn to change our own perspectives and to accept others’ perspectives, we will bring peace to the world
felt like speaking a bit about surrendering today.. not sure i said everything i wanted to though it was good to record another audio again. it was a bit of a surrendering process to decide to do so and not think too much about it and just allow it to happen. i also wanted to speak a bit about not knowing exactly where i’m going or what i’ll be doing in the near future, though it feels okay. i’m surrendering and trusting and knowing that whatever is right will unfold. i have a few ideas though i’m not getting too attached to exactly what it needs to be. i know it is all going to work out. and i don’t need to know all the details. when i haven’t known exactly what to do, the idea has come to me to work more on letting go.. to make room for whatever is to come next. the old zen or tao perspective comes to mind “when the cup is full, stop pouring”. we’ve got to let go and release what no longer serves us in order to make room for what we do want. if you want something to happen in your life, don’t struggle trying to make it happen or get caught up feeling it needs to or must happen. surrender to the moment instead. if you feel you must do something, put your energy into getting rid of old things, opening yourself up to new perspective, letting go of old beliefs, etc, etc. anyhow, enjoy the audio recording. hope you find it helpful or inspirational and you begin to open yourself up to the greatest aspect of yourself (but surrender the need to do so).
Brooker Creek Preserve
Cooper’s Bayou Park
Courtney Campbell Causeway
Fred Howard Park
John Chestnut Senior Park
Lansbrook Lakefront Park
Pop Stansell Park
R.E. Olds Park
The Dunedin Youth Guild Park
Veterans Memorial Marina Park
The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible – Charles Eisenstein
Capitalism is Just a Story
Crossroads: Labor Pains of a New Worldview | FULL MOVIE
Occupy Wall St – The Revolution Is Love w Charles Eisenstein
The Choice is Ours (2016) Official Full Version
How We Live: A Journey Towards a Just Transition
The One Simple Truth We All Need to Know
Sacred Economics traces the history of money from ancient gift economies to modern capitalism, revealing how the money system has contributed to alienation, competition, and scarcity, destroyed community, and necessitated endless growth.
Today, these trends have reached their extreme – but in the wake of their collapse, we may find great opportunity to transition to a more connected, ecological, and sustainable way of being.
don’t get caught up in all the details. simply follow your bliss. it will take you where you are meant to go
HUMAN, a film by Yann Arthus-Bertrand.
Film selected at the Venice Film Festival
5 years after the success of ‘Home’, seen by more than 600 million people, and following the ‘7 billion Others’ project, Yann Arthus-Bertrand designed this film as a unique feature film. The interviews of men and women telling their stories facing the camera will be the single focus of HUMAN.
here’s a playlist with all 3 parts: www.filmsforaction.org/watch/human
and direct links to each part:
reality is only as real or true as you make it or allow it to be. and truth can change quite profoundly if you’re open to such change. it can change so much that what you once believed to be the core foundation of your truth becomes a complete lie after you experience such a drastic change in your perception.
so this is my paper. yes, it’s a blank canvas. where do we begin? it’s all clear and blank and white and black and none of it and all of it, all at the same time!!!
[..thinking, briefly, about a scenario where a teacher or professor asks a student to write a paper but doesn’t give them anything to go off of what it should be. after thinking about what it’d be like for a client to ask for a website but not give any input on what it should look like. we must become clear and definite on what we want to create in our lives or it could end up looking like anything. so i must define what i want in life and also examine what i’ve already defined and remove what no longer serves me]
it’s quite beautiful to drift in and out of consciousness. it’s very interesting to be in the in-between states, where you’re partially in the physical ‘real’ world and partially in the ‘dream’ world. there’s a bit of a drifting occurring between both dimensions. you slowly start to become more aware of, or remember, or re-create the real world. as you do so, the dream world fades away and then you find yourself entirely in the physical world. yet you feel refreshed and like you could start anew. sometimes it takes a few moments or minutes to remember exactly what you were doing before you drifted away. a nap can be so beneficial. just to take you away from whatever you were feeling before plus also to explore this experience in a new way. all of it happens in such a brief period of time though it feels like you rested much longer. our thoughts and feelings can really weigh us down if we sit in them too long. it seems that this is a simple way to release them and then be able to experience the world differently than you were just a short time before. lay down or recline somewhere comfortable where you know your body won’t be disturbed and allow yourself to drift away. it seems best to do this in the middle of the day, or early to mid afternoon. surrender to the moment in whatever dimensions it takes you.
greed, especially excesssive greed of money and power, is a result of a deeply-rooted fear. the current socio-economic system of much of the world, especially the united states, is broken. it is the result of this deeply-rooted fear and benefits very few rather than the masses. it’s time for us to collectively wake up, dissolve the fear, and re-create a system that will benefit everyone.
those of you who know me know that i don’t normally get involved in political or socio-economic discussions, nor suggest any particular method, party, or viewpoint as a solution, however there is a lot of unawareness in many people’s consciousness as the current systems rooted in fear have programmed most of society to think or feel a certain way, and most people are so conditioned (and living in their own fears) that they are not aware of this. i write and share this to help awaken others (especially some, or a lot, of my family) to new perspectives, and from a broader viewpoint or higher level of awareness, one will draw one’s own conclusions as one will clearly see what one previously was unable to. in recent times, a lot of people have been waking up in different ways, however, we need everyone to wake up so we can totally eradicate fear from our way of living. when enough of us awaken, the entire world will transform, and a beautiful, new world will unfold from this higher energy.
right now you may not be able to picture or imagine a different world, as the current ways of thinking are so entrenched in society, and you may feel that something different, or radically different, may be nearly impossible. and from a collective place of unawareness, it very much is nearly impossible. however as we bring light to the darkness, we become aware of what is/was and can accept it as a product of what society was feeling at the time. at first it may be difficult to realize some previous truths were even possible in today’s world, be it in your own world or at a larger level affecting the entire planet, though as we wake up fully to the present moment reality of what is actually happening, and are able to experience and accept this as it is, we can let it go and it will dissolve. by doing this, we create the space for new moments to unfold as we continue to evolve into the future.
a lot of people are afraid of change and rather stay in the comfort of what they currently know (and are unaware of), despite this current scenario not serving them. it takes courage to accept what we don’t like about ourselves as being real. as we must not resist our own truths and take personal responsibility for what is happening in our own world, we must also do so for the larger world around us to help affect beneficial change.
going back to where i began attempting to write this.. i saw the video at the link below last night and it spoke well of the current situation that is affecting so many of us. many may not like what it is saying or even hear the actual message clearly, largely due to their own preconceived notions and the programming they’ve been subjected to. many will be all for it, again, based upon their previous beliefs of what is right and wrong. however many will also shift and open their eyes to a new perspective of what is actually happening and previous beliefs and programming that no longer serves them will fall apart and begin to disintegrate. i post this largely for the latter — the more of us that are able to open ourselves up to what is happening in the world (and in ourselves) and experience it in the present moment, the more quickly we can transform the world to a beautiful, peaceful place we can all truly enjoy. we need to become aware of what is, in order to decide on what will be from a clearer, higher place. many of you reading this may already be aware.. if you feel this (or any) message will help others, aware or unaware, please share it to help spread the word.
regardless of your current viewpoint(s) and whether or not you already know this, watch and listen to the entire video in the following link with an open mind — tell me if you don’t see something quite wrong with these aspects of the current system (and if the ideas proposed, or more so, the perspective they are coming from, wouldn’t benefit you or most of everyone else)..www.youtube.com/watch?v=VePpQBCbKBw&index=1&list=PL_2NQfDP0JsN1YKZRZiuKcZLqifUJSlvl
it’s funny how as i watched the video and went back to it to watch it again, i kept noticing repeating numbers in the counts of viewers and subscribers. this seems to happen often as spirit is subtly speaking to us. a while back, a friend thought of this a “divine wink” when it happens. for anyone interested in the message in the first video, here’s another.. i felt a strong feeling/emotion in the middle of it when i watched it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtBVuye4fZQ it feels good to take part in something bigger than one’s self, even in doing something as simple as spreading the word or awareness of something that will help support and benefit many others’ lives. together we can make a difference.
here’s a shorter version of the december 2015 time-lapse video i posted the other day..
i was asked to write about how this was made so i will explore some of it below. i did write a bit about the technique and idea the other day when i posted the long version of the time-lapse. you can check the film and writing out at:
most of the shots in both films were created with either the ricoh theta m15 [...]
here’s my latest masterpiece… err, well, really more of an experimental, proof of concept piece than a so-called “masterpiece”. there are some places where this could be better and i could continue to refine this though i’ve decided to leave it as it is. technically, there are a few errors due to buggy software [adobe photoshop, ffmpeg, and quicktime player pro all seemed unable to support the size of this project.. it was 18361 still images with the final tiff files taking over a terabyte of space before rendering the 4k uhd 2160p video], colors could be improved, the time-lapse film/movie/video could be edited down to something shorter, some of the little planets could be centered better, etc, etc, though part of the concept behind all of my work is to expand perspectives [and after working on putting this together for weeks, i’m finally calling it done, at least for now]. so many of us seek perfection, especially technical perfection in the photographic, or lens-based arts, and yes very beautiful works can be created with enough effort, though this same quest for perfection can drive one insane and keep pushing one further into the mind, and the mind’s desire/need for perfection (or need for more/better/newer/faster/etc). the underlying message in my work is to let go of one’s own self-limitations. let go of what no longer serves you. expand your mind, your viewpoint, your self, to new limits. when letting go of the limitations of the mind, one will discover a whole new reality in this experience called life. one will discover a deep sense of peace amidst the chaos. life truly happens outside of the mind and its attachments/desires. step outside of yourself. expand your way of seeing the world, your self, others, and life to a new level. there is beauty everywhere, we just need to learn to see it. and it’s done by letting go rather than struggling, striving, and yearning for more and more. when letting go, inspiration easily comes to you. in this place of silence, from a deeper place of silence, ideas and feelings emerge.
just like the idea for this. i don’t recall exactly where it all started, though many years ago when i first created little planet time-lapses (which, at the time, had never been done before), i thought taking it to the next level.. it’d be neat to see them in motion — where the camera actually moves physical positions, not just virtually altering the perspective of the little planet time-lapse video as i had done. i shot at least a couple with my old rig years ago (that i never completed), and now with newer technology, a year ago i was able to create an aerial 360×180 degree little planet time-lapse in motion by hanging a ricoh theta camera off of a kite and walking for miles with it at honeymoon island. back in 2014, i had shot little planets with the ricoh theta suction cup mounted to the moonroof of a car, or holding it up on a monopod out the window while driving (at very low speeds). however in most of these shots, the car took up too much of the frame. i knew that elevating the camera higher would make the car smaller in the frame/planet though didn’t have a safe means to do so. somehow the idea came to me to get a short extension to make the camera sit higher above the suction cup [it’s funny how this happens as i don’t recall exactly what i was looking for, though inspiration, or divine guidance sometimes, takes us on these long tangents and you seemingly ‘randomly’ stumble upon something that triggers something else and then an idea comes which leads to another, etc, etc, and you end up creating what you’re creating]. anyhow, that first attempt still didn’t give me what i was looking for so i ended up researching and creating the rig that let me do the shots where it looks like you’re looking straight down on the car from a bird’s eye view as its driving on the little planet. there were a number of unknowns in doing so as this is something that i don’t think has ever been done before. [it’s funny as this is where the ego/mind would want to shout out that it was the first one to think of or create something new, unique, or to a further extreme/record, though there’s really a higher and more important message here] i’ve never seen this specific look done nor heard of anyone mounting a camera so high above a moving car (except with a large custom fabricated system like on the google maps car that’s likely quite expensive). sometimes you’ve got to just trust where life is taking you. my car is still pretty new and i didn’t want any part of the rig to come undone while driving and cause damage, though by learning to listen to and trust one’s intuition or inspiration (and perhaps balanced with a bit of logic and analysis in research and development), one can invent new things and take one’s art to a new level. when i was determining what gear i was getting to create the car rig, the idea came to me of using the components in a different manner to get the shots where you see the front of the car (from a lower angle) driving on the little planet. [and the idea of the car driving around the planet came to me a long time ago.. though at the time i would’ve had to shoot it as a time-lapse (and either push the car or drive and stop for one frame of the shot every 5 seconds) before getting the camera that was able to shoot it as a video now. i’m grateful for technology continuing to expand and make creating images with specific looks much simpler]
things don’t have to be so complex either. start small, or work in small increments, and you can do something big. with the car rig shots, i drove quite slow during the first shots (both to make sure the rig held up before incrementally driving a little faster with it, and to have more shots in the time-lapse as the minimum interval timer setting available on the camera was not ideal). a lot of this is common sense and one who has done something similar before will see this as a simple, effective, logical way to approach creating something, though i realize, and have seen, that not everyone thinks of this sort of technical approach when creating something or trying something new. it really seems to be about a balance between feeling and thinking, between inspiration and logic, just like photography is a balance between science and art — one could get by with either approach, though when combining both, one can create (and live) in new ways.
this balance, or way of understanding both/all sides, is part of the whole underlying message of expanding perspectives. by being able to see, understand, and feel one way or the other, one can remove limitations in one’s life. spiritually, or philosophically (or whatever you want to call it) looking at this, it’s more of a non-dualistic approach. as we learn to transcend the limitations of duality, we embrace oneness. in oneness, we see that everything is connected and there is no right or wrong, no good or bad, and no separation. everything is part of the whole, and needs to exist in order for us to have this experience we call life. without up we cannot know what down is. without good or something we desire, we cannot know what bad or something we resist is. these dualistic perspectives give us the ability to experience life from a single viewpoint or perspective of separation, though as we learn to understand the whole, and see everything/everyone as connected and somehow related to everything/everyone else, new doors of perception will open to us. our current understanding through a vantage point of duality, is caused by existing and perceiving through the limitations of the mind. as we awaken and transcend the limitations of the mind, we begin to see the world as it is — before awakening, when perceiving through the mind, we are seeing a filtered world — we are not seeing it as it is — our viewpoint is clouded by programming/conditioning/judgment that we have been taught since we entered this world. we are told this is where we begin and this is where we end — anything outside of this defined endpoint is not us or ours, and anything within is us or ours. separation and conditioning is taught. the separate self, the ego, is a learned concept. yes, it is part of our current human experience, though it is also the root cause of all suffering. when we learn to see that we are all one, our lives will heal. we’ll also begin to see that there is no past or future.. these are merely concepts the separate mind has been creating. some concepts can serve us in various ways though many limit us. as we realize none of what we thought was real actually is real, we can much more easily let go of any attachment and suffering. we’ll find a place of bliss and peace when we can live fully in the present moment, in the now, and let go of thinking things need to be a certain way or cravings for what we don’t have or resistance of life circumstances we are experiencing but prefer not to. fully embrace the present moment. let go of anything that is not here and now. it is not real. your thoughts of the future, past, desires, resistances, etc, etc are only preventing you from fully living today, here and now. “carpe diem” seize the day, today and every day. do not dwell upon what is not. yes, you can vision, create, and manifest your future, though you must also let go, and surrender, to the present moment of where you are now in order for the creation to manifest. if there are any hinderances in thoughts, feelings, etc, etc preventing you from experiencing that which you desire, you will be taken through those so you may fully experience and release them and create the space for what you do desire to manifest and unfold simply in your life. the more we let go, surrender, and experience, the simpler this whole process becomes. the more we let go, the simpler life becomes. and the more we let go, the simpler it becomes to perceive and understand and fully know who we truly are (and all of the seemingly magical or mystical perceptions and understandings that come with this).
life is beautiful. live it fully. today. every day. here and now. let go. embrace. live.
step outside of yourself. awaken. become aware. understand by perceiving [what is]. grow. expand. be.
here are some of the locations these were shot at (all in Pinellas and Hillsborough Counties, Florida):
Brooker Creek Nature Preserve
Duke Energy Trail
Ed Radice Sports Complex
Fred Howard Park
John Chestnut Park
Lake Chautauqua Park
Lake Dan and Lake Frances Nature Preserves
Lansbrook Golf Course
obsessions and addictions can come from a lack of fulfillment or purpose, or from resisting what is there. when the urge arises, shift your energy and attention to go within to feel and experience what is really going on in life. once we work through what is there, we open the door for life to unfold and to live our purpose. in doing so, we no longer get caught up in things we don’t really want or that don’t serve us