Creativity is the greatest rebellion in existence.
it’s time to reignite the passion once held close. to let ggo of the mind and its desires. i’ve been so caught up in the mind lately. and for so long, i can’t remember when i last wasn’t. i’ve got to limit my exposure to technology. all i’ve been doing is working on techniques and technology, that i’ve allowed the mind to take control. it’s so easy to get caught up in it when you’re using it. the mind is a tool. i need to make sure i don’t let the tool take control. by deliberately doing things outside of the mind, more and more often, i can let go of the attachment to the mind. the mind will begin to quiet down. if one gives full attention to the mind, one can lose control to it. one must stay present, aware of the mind, but not get sucked into it.
the present moment is all that matters. it’s where one connects to the highest power within. divine guidance is always available should one accept it. allow yourself to be fully guided by the divine, in the moment, and it is far greater than thinking your way through things. life will become effortless and everything will occur very naturally in such a state.
it’s funny right now to watch the mind trying to take over. it’s watching the words as they come through and is trying to edit them or think of where they want to go. by doing so, it’s limiting the natural flow of the words. the mind wants to make this a longer, deeper message but perhaps right now its not meant to be as such. perhaps the message is simple. most higher messages are very simple. only the mind tends to over-complicate things. it wants to further explain and elaborate when its not always necessary to do so. in fact, most of the time, its probably futile to do so. going in to further depth may only be the mind wanting to satisfy its own desires. if the message is that simple, someone else can understand it. perhaps not in the same way you understand it, but they’ll get it, at some point. the mind may want to go further into detail or re-explain in other terms to get the other person to figure it out, but its not always necessary to do so. in fact nothing is necessary. everything just is. it is as it is. and it is perfectly so as such.
re-kindle the flame. follow your passion, your heart’s desire. this is where your life will truly become alive. where you will fully live and flourish. don’t think about whether it makes sense or not. it most likely won’t. you don’t need the mind’s permission to do something. if your heart desires it, expierence it. that’s where true learning occurs. not in researching or thinking or trying to figure it out, but in actually doing it. intellectual learning can only get you so far. you must fully experience what it is you are to experience in order to fully learn and have the wisdom of doing so.
be the change you desire.
i’m excited because i’ve been feeling it get closer and closer. i know i’ve been getting back on track. yes, it’s been taking a while, though i know i’ve been on the way there. all these little projects i’ve been working on are coming to a point of completion. or a stoppping point for those that are not complete. and as such, i can let go of all the attention and energy i’ve been putting into them so i can focus on greater things. explore new things, my [higher] purpose, and such.
life is awesome when you allow it to be. all you need to do is allow it to be. its so simple. relax. step outside of your self, your thoughts, your need for things to occur a certain way. relax into the what is. embrace it. really explore it and see how amazing it is, being the way it is. even if the mind wants it to be different, no matter how much so. it is so great and perfect the way it is. as one ascends to higher levels of awareness, one can see so simply the perfection in all that is. from a lower vantagepoint of the mind, the self, one may see it as pain and suffering, though as soon as one relinquishes one’s desires, one can be set free.
freedom, at last. not in what one can do, but in how one does. the mind stops to think there, does that make sense? does it need to be further explained? its funny to watch. the mind trying to understand it can be quite a thing to watch. start there. examine your own thoughts. just watch them flow by. don’t stop and analyse and criticize. but just relax and watch them. find the humor in them. think about if it were someone else thinking these things, what would it appear like [to see this from an external perspective]? can you step outside of your own mind and see it from an external perspective? don’t think too much about it. just know its possible. if you can’t now, one day you will be able to. and so effortlessly so.
does the mind really serve you? thinking about your thoughts, thinking about everything. what point does it have? looking at your own thoughts, imagine these thoughts being observed by others. how would they see them? not how would they think about you, but would these thoughts benefit them? would it be of any use? do these concerns even matter to you? just relax and observe.
okay, enough of the mind. just embrace the world, your world, as it is. and truly appreciate your life, and all of life, as it is. perhaps its not perfect in your eyes, but know that its getting better, day by day. each step forward brings one closer to what one wants to experience. though as one begins to experience more of what one thinks one wants, one begins to realize what one thought one wanted isn’t what one truly wants. sometimes one needs to go down the path long enough to fully embrace this. one can even get sidetracked for quite a while. but deep down inside, one always knows what one’s true desire is.
now it seems that i may have left out some parts. but perhaps those parts were not meant to be seen at this moment. they’ll all be revealed later, in their own perfection. don’t worry or think too much about it. it felt like these ideas were going somewhere but then i lost them. so i just relax and let it be.
just got the Raspberry Pi NoIR infrared camera module.. here’s a live time-lapse webcam with it:
[a.k.a. life on the road]
i had a great time with friends from Chicago and Clearwater during Club Divine at the Flowering Heart Center this afternoon! what a unique experience with amazing energy! check out the rest of the Florida tour at
it is beautiful to begin to notice more and more glimpses of the global awakening
though subtle, they are significant
just had a thought.. what if everyone i meet in this lifetime is someone that i previously met in another lifetime [and agreed to meet, on some level, in this lifetime] [parts of the great conversation earlier with Marielee seem to be processing..]
so why even write all these things? in a brief moment, a few moments ago, it came to me that i was once inspired by coming across some odd thoughts or perspectives. this seems to be my attempt to re-create that experience. though not just for myself, for others. i’d be curious to come across these seemingly random writings and try to make some sense of them. so i figure someone else out there would probably be curious and interested as well. if not, that’s fine too. perhaps i’m the only one that will ever read all of these. if i ever do. but it’ll be a work of art at some level. i suppose. if that’s what you want to call it. again, let’s not think too much about it. let’s just allow it to happen. re-create the experience of allowing like to flow so vibrantly. there’s nothing to fear. you’ve been at some pretty high states of consciousness. let’s live from those places. everything will be totally fine. if not everyone gets it, then not everyone gets it. but there’s nothing wrong with it. everything will unfold perfectly. don’t try to strive for perfection as you’ve done for much of your life. just allow it. you know that’s when it’s all been good. when you’ve allowed it to just happen, it unfolded brilliantly. don’t ya think i’m guiding ya here? you know you’ve been divinely guided and there’s nothing wrong with it. the divine always has your best interest at hand.
but how do i really know what the divine wants for me? simple. just live your life. you’ll find out. sorry if it sounds blunt but it’s really that simple. life is really easy if you just allow it to happen. the only one making it difficult is you. when you decide to step out of your own way, it’ll be perfect and brilliant and all again. and yes it can stay that way permanently. what do you think this era is all about? why do you think you chose to experience this? i know, i know, i know. ya don’t have to keep telling me. i just want it to happen now. it is happening now! when else do you think it could possibly happen? i mean i want it to happen but i don’t want it to happen all at the same time. well then that’s why it’s happening and not happening like that for you. i get it, i know i’m making this all up.. but what do i do? just decide, if that’s what you’re asking. just decide and it will happen the way you decide. i know i can do that but i don’t know what to decide because i have conflicting thoughts. then work out the conflict. or just decide not to have conflicting thoughts. simple. easy. just think simple and easy and it will happen like that. but there’s so much i want to do. well then do it. but i don’t know if i really want it. then figure it out. or just allow life to happen. it’s easier like that. allow life to flow. i keep saying it. i know ya do. i know but i think you don’t want what i want. of course i want what you want. we’re the same being. just different parts and perspectives of the one. okay, how do we make the perspective whole and simple. ahh, you just don’t get it. get what? get that there’s nothing to get. in the sense of understand. the moment you try to understand, the moment is lost. when you stop trying to understand, you understand. sounds like this sort of zen saying that sounds neat and all but its hard to understand. then you’re not allowing it to happen. just be. be.
this is everywhere i’ve been when traveling in my truck camper since i got it. a couple of places (mostly around florida) may be missing as i didn’t track it all in the beginning, and some routes might be slightly off as some gps data was missing [the lines on the map that are straight without any curves probably aren't the exact route i took, but rather the average from one point to another further away when the gps location was saved].
i just got back to florida this weekend.. if anyone wants to get together, drop me a line. i'll be around for quite a while.
i'm also looking for a small car to get around town. the truck and camper isn't exactly the easiest nor most efficient vehicle to drive locally. if you know of anyone who's been very meticulous about keeping their car maintained/repaired and very clean, and is looking to find a new home for it, let me know.
sometimes i want to do too much. can’t i do it all? do i need balance? like this whole adventure coming back these ideas have been bouncing around in my head about what i really want. my truck camper is great for going to the national forests, parks, etc. though it’s not exactly the most discreet vehicle for parking in a town or city. i’ve been thinking of some sort of white van, perhaps the sprinter, would be much easier for all other times. i could have one that has a short wheelbase and maybe even the short roof so it’d be more efficient on gas and i could park it practically anywhere. only thing i’d lose would be 4×4 capability. everything else i could design or build into the van. and maybe gas could possibly be a little harder to find as it’s diesel but that’s not really an issue in most places. so for everything else other than what i got the truck and camper for (the primary reason, i think, it’s been so long i can’t be quite sure), it’d be fine.
do i change my mind too often? i’d love to have both, but where would i put them and would that really be practical? a home would be much more practical but where do i want to build it? in the forest with lots of land would be great, though i’d love something on the beach too! [side note: title this indecisions..] so do i sell the truck and camper and build a home? but even if i decide what factors are most important, where do i want to live? i love so many different places. the mountains, the beach, the forest, small towns, etc. i really want to start a community too. though do i need land to start with or can i just build a community around a group of friends? and go from there?
when i really come down to it, the most important thing underneath it all seems to be connection. i desire to feel connection to others, to nature, to god. what kind of connection do i desire the most? good question. a blank answer for now. all of it would be desirable. probably connection to god is most important, though everything really is connection and expression of god, so can i have that kind of connection in/through connection to someone else, to nature, to a community, etc, etc? what about the things i like to do? do they really matter? they’re fun at times, though sometimes get boring. i can make really beautiful, inspiring, or intriguing art, though where does it all go? what does it really matter? what am i to do with it?
i could live so many different lives and lifestyles. i could create whatever i want. but i don’t know what to create. i know i do want to see this world evolve and see humanity awaken. i know it’s happening. technologically, i’m seeing lots of small yet radical developments occurring that will lead to really amazing technology in the next 5, 10, 20 years. i can’t wait til cars fly, that’s gonna be fun! and until everything is much more convenient. like only having to carry one device that does everything devices currently do now plus so much more, including serving as a key, payment (if money or credit still exists in the future), etc, etc. perhaps the device won’t even be necessary. everything can be instantaneously available everywhere [just like consciousness but in the physical world -- perhaps the devices everywhere will just know who you are wherever you are and there would be no need to login, carry a device/key, etc. everything will be stored in some mass computing cloud and every device will be linked to it, and devices would be placed everywhere. like say at a library, you go in to a computer and the computer automatically resets itself and sees/knows who you are and then brings up whatever you need. there'd be no need for personal computers at home, though you could have one - it'd be the same as the devices found in the library and all - they'd all simply be interfaces to the great computing cloud/machine that has everything stored and always available.] long side note there. but let’s continue on with it. technology is gonna be amazing. once we let go of all of our differences and are able to handle basic needs for everyone on a mass scale, without all this ego/competition/money stuff that’s going on in the world/society, it’s gonna accelerate so much quicker. everything could be made for the greater good without need to slowly release products to maximize dollar income for a company. everyone could collaborate on everything if they feel suited for such collaboration. with no need to hide and keep things secret from each other, we could work together so much more easily. there really would be no limits. imagine the technology we have today — what if we had this technology 20, 30, or 50 years ago. all these ideas could easily be tested and produced if we all worked together. things we don’t even know about now could be discovered tomorrow. or more like things we can’t even imagine now, we’ll be easily creating these ideas and technologies in no time. as soon as the idea comes and it’s flowing, everyone interested in and capable of helping would begin to create it and it’d be done in no time. we have so much today that’s just not being utilized properly. all we need to do is start working together and shift our energies [within and without].
okay, enough about technology. what was the other piece? oh, yes, the world awakening. i see it happening too. just little awarenesses and bits of change i see developing are all pointing toward the great shift that is occurring right now on earth. from people becoming more interested in sustainability, “being green”, and basically just caring about this planet, to people doing things for each other [without expectation of anything in return], to people becoming more aware in general to our great interdependency and connection. as more and more of us start to realize that we can all live as one, everything i mentioned about [and so much more] will begin to unfold and quite rapidly. it truly is a tipping point, but will become an overflowing point as we all go over the waterfall into a new life together. i’ve researched/learned/experienced/etc different techniques/approaches/understandings of this connection. one, the oneness university, who has a mission to awaken the world, through a phenomenon known as deeksha, has reported [a couple weeks back] that we now have over 1 million awakened beings on the planet. that is truly amazing as it was less than a year before the million that we crossed the critical threshold of 70,000 awakened people on the planet [earlier than expected or needed too]. this shift is happening very rapidly. when the mind no longer has control over humanity, earth is going to be so beautiful. there will be no more war, hatred, anger, or struggle. everything will flow effortlessly. not everything may be perfect as one might strive for, but everything will be perfect in a different sense, in that we will all see the perfection in everything as it is. and in doing so, we can truly [and easily] make a change.
so all these things. technology and a new peaceful world. they’re already happening. i’m here. i’m beginning to see the changes. i’ll continue to see the changes. what do i do now? do i need to participate in these changes or do i merely watch? if i participate, what do i do? where can my talents and strengths be best utilized? do i need to create new talents and strengths? it’s all a big dilemma i’m making out of it. perhaps i just simply live in the moment and allow things to flow effortlessly. by doing so, i’ll inspire others to do so. and maybe others will ask me about how to do so, and i can teach them or guide them to methods that can get them there. by allowing it all to flow, life will take me where it needs to. i know god is looking out for me. i’ve seen on countless occasions how divine grace has been taking me through life. whether i wanted it to or not. life has always taken me along with it. the journey is far from complete, and i know not where it might go [well, exactly, for i do have some general ideas]. i know i can decide and create the world i want to live in, though i’ve already created this one. and i like what i’m seeing. perhaps some of it could just go a little quicker :) though i do see it getting quicker!
i tend to always look for the end. the final solution/image/idea. the completion. but it never ends! but these things, when i discover them, always seem to be so great of an idea/experience/perception/etc that i think they’re gonna be the final thing. like i could end right there and be happy. but later on, after i’ve been in the same experience for a while, i tend to get bored with it. i begin looking for the next stop along the journey. and it appears. and i experience it. and i get bored again. and then i go on looking for the next thing, yet once again. it’s all this cycle it seems. it’s been like this for quite some time. years, decades, perhaps lifetimes! is this what life is all about? or just how i’ve chosen to experience it?
do i make an effort to change or just allow it to be? it’s been quite a journey, especially when i truly allow it to become one. it can be quite amazing. though i sometimes don’t allow myself to fully experience it, to try to not get sucked back in to it! perhaps a part of me is afraid of where it might all go. it could go anywhere! that’s the thing! it could truly go anywhere. anywhere i allow it to. so that’s why i’m letting the changes go slowly. but i might push down on the accelerator a little more. i know i can handle it. at least a little quicker. i could do so much. i know when i step into the feeling of the flow of life, i can allow it to take me along for the ride. i won’t resist it and it’ll happen so much more smoothly. it was always meant to be smooth, yet i don’t allow it to be! time to stop that. i’ve been to all 48 contiguous states with my truck and camper. time to decide what’s next. i can’t say i’m waiting for the next trip. yes there may be another trip or two or three or whatever, but i can’t sit around waiting for it. i’ve been working on all these things that i wanted to do and getting them out of the way. just so they’re not taking up space waiting for me to experience them as i said i was going to. i know i could simply change my mind and not experience them, or experience them just in my mind, but i’ve been actually doing them. most of them are done, but there are still a few things on the list. and the remaining ones were more of maybes than yes i gotta do them. so now’s a good time to start creating the life i desire. i’m starting to see it happen. little pieces seem to be aligning. and i know i’m gonna be there very soon. [and i'm enjoying the process more so too. at least i'm not resisting it if not overly embracing it fully!]
so it’s funny to watch these conversations with myself [or monologues if you prefer] unfold [funny i typed that as un fold but then went to change it to unfold.]. i always tend to be brought to where i really need to be. it’s all part of the divine plan to get me to where i’m going. i know god is looking out for me and on my side. [that's a great perspective to have, by the way. these writings are all filled with lots of little tidbits, some so subtle no one will pick up on them consciously but subconsciously you'll be getting the message you need. anyhow, back to the great perspective: how you choose to see god or the divine in your life makes a huge difference. just how you choose to see yourself, life, the world, etc. i cannot stress more than anything to choose a positive perspective over a negative one. just try it for a day, a week, a month, a year, etc and see what a world of a difference it makes in your life. my life has had dramatic changes since i started looking on the brighter side of things]
just took a quick step outside of the camper to take a short video clip of the environment around me as the sun has set [a short while back] and i noticed a hint of nice colors remaining in the clouds from it as it begins to get dark]. which brings me to exactly what i needed to explore now. i’ll be glad to get back home as i can call this trip done. and stop doing these video clips. i feel i have to as it’s part of the documentation of the journey as i have plans to make films from my adventures out west last year and now my adventure to the east. but this is all what’s been happening above. and this seems like this is the very answer to my desire to “speed it up” [in terms of life, my growth/experiences, etc]. all i have to do is stop holding onto the past. its that simple. i didn’t even know exactly what word was gonna come out after holding onto until i saw “the past” come through my fingers and onto the screen. by holding onto these old ideas [and, in effect, trying to control what's happening], i’m recreating this old experience. perhaps it all was part of that desire/experience/creation to happen a certain way [it most certainly was as it did happen that way!] but i try to hang on to it, as the idea seems so good at the time and i really want to see it happen. but i get lost in the process. i get tired of waiting when hanging on to it. and start participating to try to make it go quicker. rather than relaxing into the moment and just allowing it to happen! if i get great photos and videos, awesome. if not, my perception still needs to be awesome. i’ve got to surrender attachment to outcome. just say it’s gonna happen, know it’s gonna happen, and let it happen. rather than try really hard and struggle to make it happen. that’s striving, not arriving. allow yourself to have the experience. don’t force it. it’s that simple. i know it’s that simple. i’ve experienced things flowing so effortlessly in the past. now i’m going back to past experiences again! but just as a means to illustrate this point. is this really for me or for someone else? we’re all one anyway, what does it matter? this whole thing is friggin’ hilarious to watch. so many levels going on at once. levels of what? of things going on in my mind that are creating and affecting this experience.. all these little things are getting in the way. despite my efforts, i know i’m breaking through to you. it’s not that hard is it. of course. sometimes it’s so simple. it could be like that all the time. i’m just beginning to write whatever flows through me. and it doesn’t always make sense. i try to stop and watch it unfold and think about if it sounds like i’m crazy before i write it or say it. no it doesn’t matter if you’re crazy or not. this whole thing is crazy, once you truly understand it. so are the crazy ones that ones who are truly alive? and the “normal ones” not really living? some might say that. okay, so where does it all begin and end. in the moment? yup sure think of it like that. it’s really more than words can understand isn’t it? okay, stop trying to control this conversation and demonstrate your brilliance otherwise it’s not gonna happen as brilliantly. you’ve just got to allow it to happen. all the time. all you got to do is connect with the flow. and then the flow will go with you. [if that makes any sense] it’s all so simple. just allow life to flow. if things in your life aren’t flowing, remove them or change them until things begin to flow. it’s more about letting go isn’t it? okay no answer, i must have stopped the flow. i know i did a while ago. it’s really a matter of shifting perspective. sometimes i can’t type quick enough. actually probably most of the time. i really ought to record these outloud. i’ll start doing that sometime. i’ve seen myself as doing this a while back. i thought it was a little crazy. i even did some test runs. not everyone go them i’m sure. i don’t know if really anyone watched them except i heard of someone watching it and not really seeing it the same way i saw it. anyhow, lets stop all this thinking stuff and just allow life to flow. allow yourself to flow, from a higher state of awareness/consciousness, outside of your mind. i see little spurts of it every so often. i know these “waves” are going to become more and more frequent [funny as i saw the word become, almost becoming, come out on the screen when i thought of writing be come or something, i forget now. am getting lost in other thoughts. i gotta get the conversation with marla online. there was some cool stuff in that. the best part happened before i knew i was being recorded. then i was watching it. i talk about it in there. but it's still good. it's about getting these messages out to others. we can all break free, together, at some level, from whatever level we're at. we can always ascend to a higher level. we're doing it all the time. we can speed up that process. that's what we're here for. that's why i showed up here. to help and to watch. to experience and to live in the moment. to be the moment. the moment is amazing. life is the moment. all in the moment, never in the mind. that's a good little phrase. maybe i'll post it somewhere.]
now: 20:45:18. began writing this at 19:47:44. it’s getting dark now. hopefully a little cooler so i can get to sleep. just gotta let go. let it all be. it’s all amazing in the moment
i made it to the easternmost point (of the united states) this morning and am on my way south from maine to florida on highway 1 -- if you live on/near the coast and want to meet up, drop me a line.
[a.k.a. life on the road]
[a.k.a. life on the road]
This is it. It is this. It's all that is and if you see me smiling it's because I'm no longer standing in its way.
[side note: once again, don't force anything. or really just step outside of yourself. of your need to force it, or resist it. i just got out of bed, and it wasn't quiet earlier, and i still felt tired. though in feeling tired, and continuing to dwell in it, i wasn't able to tune in to the words that i wanted to come out. i know the words wanted to come out because i felt inspired to wake up and write something. perhaps it was last night, perhaps i could have written it then, though it seemed like i'd be more clear now, though perhaps i'm not, as i am a bit tired. so the lesson could possibly be to not put things off. to live fully in the moment. to engage with it, trust it, and know its going to take you where you want to go.] i can see a part of that in some interactions in chicagoland, and at other times as well. the most important thing is to live fully engaged in the moment. life is awesome in the moment. everything flows perfectly. there is no thought of what to do [or perhaps very little, but its not a burden]. life is effortless [to a certain degree]. it just unfolds on its own. perhaps not everything is ‘perfect’ as the mind wants it to be, yet it unfolds perfectly and smoothly and it all ‘makes sense’ or feels right in a sense. expect the unexpected and be okay with it. be ready for anything. in the moment, you are. when you step out of the moment, you lose contact with it, and things could easily slip by. i noticed multiple times when i wasn’t in the moment, or i was lost in a different moment, rather than the present moment [or perhaps it was part of the moment but i wasn't engaged with who was there with me], and i missed what they said or missed the opportunity to let spontaneity flow through me and have a better interaction and experience with the other person. it’s good to notice that i can notice it, that it can happen, that the moment can slip by. it’s the first step. the next is to decide to stay in the moment. to choose to be present, to engage, to interact. to be unafraid, and step outside of one’s own ‘stuff’. that’s really all it is that gets in the way, is one’s own stuff/junk/drama/thoughts/desires/etc/etc. once one surrenders them to the present moment, one can be much more aware and engaging with what is. resistance falls away. do not resist. it gets you no where [funny as i began to see the word 'know' or know-where come out of my fingers unto the screen.. that is what happens.. resistance gets you into the part of you that wants to know, the mind. the mind pulls you away from the moment. its a balance of knowing when to use one's mind for whatever it can help with, if anything :), and staying present in the feeling of the moment. it can be tricky, especially as i do very analytical and technical work, and find myself in front of a computer screen for many hours of the day. more and more i realize the need [okay need isn't a great word, but in this perspective of not having/choosing it, it seems like one].. the need, or better, the importance, of doing things to stay out of the mind. that must be the balance. going out and exploring, seeing where the feeling takes me. [the couple nights i went to the sound healing at kristin's were great as i followed the feeling to get me back to joe's place rather than check the map. i ended up going different ways, both times, than i had gone in the past, but the feeling guided me there and i didn't need to check the phone. the first night the phone was in the trunk of the rental car so it worked out that i couldn't check it unless i stopped and went to get it. at one point, at least each time, i recall feeling almost lost or uncertain as the road was changing and didn't seem to be going in the right direction, yet i kept going forward without turning back and got to where i was going. also went a different route without checking the map the last day finding my way back to drop off the car. i remember doing that a lot in the past, as i didn't have a phone with gps, and rarely checked maps. i remember sometimes it being fun to check the map when i got back home to see how far i had gone after wandering for hours.] okay, forgot where i was going after that tangent. i’m sure it will come back to me. it’s all about surrendering back to the moment and allowing it to flow. [or i could go up and look at what i was saying before for inspirotion.. hnmmm.. lets see what decides to flow through] ahh yes, i had some great experiences. it was pretty busy and i was feeling pretty overwhelmed and tired, almost worn out, by the monday afternoon before i left. i learned that i really gotta take it easy, relax more, and not allow myself to get caught up in stress. especially as everyone at the office tends to get very stressed out over all the little things that are going on as the company is expanding. most of these things i’ve known, just allowed myself to forget. i’ve always known the importance of relaxing, though in being around others who aren’t relaxed, i’ve tended to take on that non-relaxation. community is very important. i’ve know that, and have truly embraced it in the past, though part of me has resisted it at the same time, as i’ve been traveling and haven’t been settled down in one spot in quite a while it seems. [i have, but only for months at a time, and i feel i want to be somewhere where i can say its gonna be permanent, even if it ends up not being permanent. its more about the feeling. i know what i'm resisting. i'm resisting losing friends, or not being able to see them after a while. i've allowed that to make it harder to connect with others and make deeper friendships and bonds. i love the connection so much that i resist it. it can be so amazing, though when its gone, it hurts so much. but i suppose i must realize i have grown since past hurts and ought to just take the step forth and by deciding that i'm living in the moment and allowing it all to unfold as it does, it will all work out perfectly. part of me knows i'm always taken care of by a greater force, though part of me doesn't fully trust it. perhaps its from the past hurts and resistance to experiencing those again. it's been more than once that i lost great connections with others. yes, perhaps some of them i could have gone back to, and some friendships i've attempted to rebuild, or more of just re-connect and spend time together once again, and it's been cool and has been great to see old friends again. though i really appreciate a community of others on similar paths who i can hang out with, bond with, support, get support from, chat, join, etc, etc. it's awesome to participate in activities, events, and just run into others in a great community. it feels like home, family. i miss the spiritual communities in chicagoland when i come back to florida. mostly it is the friendships but also the events we go to and participate in are great and healing too. i'm going to explore the communities down here and make friends here. part of me almost says i could go to chicagoland and just stay there though i really dread the long winters. if winter were only like a month then i could do it. though there is a really different feeling down here too. the air seems fresher. i love the water and the parks around here. it is a very beautiful place compared to the congestion, overpopulation, crime, drama, dirt, etc, etc found in big cities like chicago. no not all parts are like that -- some parts of the city are very nice and have a great feeling to them, though there's so much going on in the realm of thoughts and anxieties in the city, that i allow myself to get caught up by them. perhaps it just the old me that i'm looking at too, as i recall it being worse in the past, or just resistance of some sort, though i'll have to explore that later if i desire. i know i could just be making excuses too, but.. took a few seconds there to feel more into what was going on. still not 100% there yet, though it feels like i just connect more with the nature down here. there are some nice natural parts up there though i like to feel the aliveness of nature throughout the year. the dreariness and cold make it rather difficult for me, especially when surrounded by so many others and their thoughts and anxieties. sometimes driving into the city, or just getting closer to it, i can feel this huge burden or weight of anxiety coming upon me. there's so much going on in people's heads that gets in the way. and all that going on is so close to each other. it truly is like going into this huge thoughtsphere. though i suppose i can learn to go of it. [before going into this idea, i wanted to mention that it was great to see it from the plane. i flew from o'hare and recall seeing the houses and areas when we took off, seeing the chicago skyline in the distance, and then looking down a couple minutes later and seeing midway airport, and noticing just how dense and on top of each other all the houses were. so much of the green disappeared and became replaced by the manmade as the houses were compacted up against each other.] back to letting go of it, i feel like i was able to surrender from my perception of the chaos when i engaged fully in the moment. maybe that’s all it is. is stepping out of the mind and into the present moment and one isn’t affected by all the thoughts and chaos going on. one disconnects from it. after going to the service at bodhi, i went to brunch with marielee and had a great conversation and connection with her. i just decided to live in the moment, and the conversation went in a direction that helped me do so as well. i love exploring these ideas, and just allowing them to flow through me. sometimes when i write they do too, but its great to engage in person with someone else and allow the words to flow through in the moment. we sat outside the restaurant on a somewhat busy street — at first, i thought it might be too loud, but for the most part, i barely noticed the cars coming by. i must have been pretty into the moment that they didn’t bother me as much. it’s really just shifting focus and attention. also, i began to forget that others were sitting on the tables next to us, or not worried, as i would previously had, especially when conversing about spirituality, consciousness, the mind, world, etc, etc. it’s awesome to see that i’ve become much more comfortable discussing these things with others. perhaps part of it is just surrendering to the present moment and allowing it to flow. at that point, the mind is not there stopping me from saying it. its funny when the mind does that, thinking whether or not it should say something or not. it was great too as i barely slept the night before as i ended up sleeping that night on the couch at joe’s and it wasn’t very comfortable and i also had set the alarm and had to deal with it [and as i no longer uses alarms to wake up, it can be difficult to wake often thinking i'm going to miss it or resist even having it there or whatnot]. i’m grateful joe made the suggestion to get the rental car as i may have not done as much without it. marla invited me to a kirtan chant circle at her friend andrea’s which was really great. i’d only gone to one kirtan a while back but with many more people. this was nice as there were only a few of us and it was great to participate in the chants and feel the energies. it was interesting to see it all unfold. i hadn’t made lots of plans, just figured i’d go to the sound healing and blessing at kristin’s if i could borrow a car, though ended up going to much more which was great. there’s more i want to write, though i’m losing focus as i know i have work i want to do and am thinking about eating breakfast too. overall it was a great experience. especially in what i’m learning, in really just deciding to get back on the path, continue forward, stay present, and embrace the moments. these last couple years seem like i’ve just been getting all this other stuff that i’ve wanted to do for a long time out of the way, so i can embrace what i want to do now. perhaps i could have just not done the other things, but part of me still wanted to, and i didn’t want to live with regret of not having done them. i know its all exactly as it needs to be. and realize that parts i don’t fully understand will probably make total sense later on when i see where it was taking me and why i had to experience them as i did. sometimes these lessons appear multiple times in different ways to one might have the opportunity or chance to live it differently. it’s interesting that the first full day in chicagoland i got a text from my sister that my dad got laid off from work. now i’ll have the chance to spend more time with him and make the relationship better. it seems like i had the opportunity a couple years back when he was in the hospital and recovering afterwards, but then we both went to our old selves. it’s funny how all the pieces come together in this divine plan. i’ve wondered recently about god-realization, and it seems the beginning steps in the path is realizing the presence of god in everything and everywhere, such as in realizing the grace that was there and every little thing that had to take place for this moment to occur. in just knowing it, seeing the pieces come together, and just feeling the deep connection to everything and everyone. i’m sure i’ll elaborate on it more and explore it in the near future, perhaps here in writing, or in experience. the glimpses i’ve had of it are amazing and i know my connection will deepen as i continue to grow on this journey we call life.
it does really all seem that this is all as simple as deciding. you have the power, the key, to unlock it all. decide how you want to feel and feel it. remove all obstacles, should any arise. it’s that simple. you want to know god? decide to know god. be grateful, act on the connections, the flow, the feelings, everything related to god. tune in, and you’ll receive the broadcast. it escalates from there. there is no limit. you can keep connecting, deeper and deeper until all you experience is god. or so it seems. i speak from what comes through me. these answers, visions, solutions, etc may only apply to my perspective. it may be different for you. but do whatever you are guided to do. tune in to your own heart, your deepest feelings. that is where your answer shall reside. what words are you drawn to from what i write here? focus on those. just one example. whatever your attention is drawn to, must have some significance to you. explore that. the messages are everywhere, should you allow them to be. it is awesome, the greatest experience in the world to feel connected to the world, to life, to others, to god. this is where we are all going. as we all awaken, we are growing in our connection, at so many levels. god is available to everyone, even those who don’t believe in god. god may not be what you believe in. it is just a word that we are using to describe this incredible thing. though it’s not a thing. it’s more of an energy, a power, a connection, a feeling, etc, etc. or maybe it’s none of those to you. maybe it’s so much more. it’s our origin. our source. the light from where we came from. it is life itself. think of it as life if you don’t know or like or agree with the word god. think of it as a divine connection. think of it as a friend. if you must think. the thinking is what stops. when the thinking stops, what is left is god [or whatever you desire to call it]. it’s the present moment. the here and now. all that is, as it is. there is no limit to it. when we step out of the perception of the mind and into the perception of reality unlimited, unhindered, it all changes. drastically so. evolve. let it roll. let it flow. embrace it. be it. it is life. it is awesome. love it. it is love. it is peace. it is all of this and so much more.
where does one go when one stops to flow? or the question is more of where does one go when one stops the flow? why stop the flow? why allow the mind to get in the way? back in the day i used to allow things to flow so effortlessly and naturally. though perhaps it was due to social norms and the need to try to do something that i had to start to attempt to force it. though it doesn’t work the same when it’s forced. just like this message. i had this feeling earlier and it’s not coming through quite the same trying to type it up.
this is the dilemma i put myself through. but why? that’s what i’m truly looking for. it seems that these ideas came to me at some point and i thought it’d be great. in the moment it felt awesome. but it was just an idea that i was feeling in the moment. it wasn’t something i necessarily had to do. yes it would be neat to do but not a necessity. but i turn it into a necessity. i make myself do it because i had the idea come to me. and i though it’d be great or neat or fun or whatever. all these things are really an escape from the present moment. yes but they are happening in the present moment. just like how when i wrote that.. or am writing this.. it feels like its coming through more naturally and more effortlessly (if that’s even something you can say), though it’s not quite there. like when i went back to correct a letter that i didnt type.. it somehow slipped between my fingers. but i go back to try and fix it. to make it right. but there really is no right or wrong. why not leave it the way it came through? it seems to be so that others can understand it better. but why write for others and not just for me? it all is just one me anyway. but the other parts of me don’t always quite understand that. in fact some seem to be quite the opposite on that thought. but what do i do then? does it even matter? just allow it to all happen, however it wants to happen. thats surrender. that’s letting go of resistance to the moment, and not forcing it. forcing it doesn’t work. that’s what happened back in the past. i was forced to do things i didn’t want to do or i forced myself to do things i didn’t want to do, perhaps after being forced..? but anyhow, it’s this force we must surrender. this reminds me of power vs force, perhaps that thought is somehow related.
but where do i really want to go with all this? it seems that i do all these things that i’ve been doing [including writing this msg? not sure, maybe, but it feels different now].. the other things, like the aerial photography, driving to every state in the country with my truck and camper [ok, only the 48 connected ones, not all just yet], etc, etc. i do these things just to try to be happy or that i thought i’d be happy or enjoy them. but they’re always not that enjoyable. i try to make it sometimes but sometimes its not quite the same as i intended. or perhaps the intention wasn’t clear? i don’t know all the answers for the answers aren’t what matters. what matters is the experience and the feeling. i try to convey this feeling through other mediums. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. when i’m connected to the flow, it works. when i try rather than allow, it may not work as well.
so is it all based on resistance? not all of it, but only when i try to do it rather than allow it to happen. but the issue is that it doesn’t always want it to occur and i want it to happen. so there’s some control or desire coming to play there? it seems like that’s the case. because it did flow at one point and it felt awesome and i’m trying to re-create that experience. so what happened was that i fell out of the moment and i’m trying to slip back in. see, it’s all this trying rather than doing. it’s not the same! just do it. it’s simple. but the dilemma is that i don’t know where the moment will take me when i reconnect to it. it could take me anywhere. yes, of course, and we’ve been through this so many times in the past. but the past really isnt real is it? it’s only as real as you make it. if you want to live in the past, go ahead, but that’s only taking you away from your moment of now. but — look at all these excuses. all buts, trys, etc, etc. where do those all get you? surrender to the moment. just let go. completely let go. that’s what you could have done so many times. but you failed to. you deliberately stopped yourself from doing so. but that’s where you want to get to. back to the moment. and no, you can’t always know where the moment is going to take you. but you’ll know as it’s happening, and you may get a couple hints ahead of time. don’t worry, nothing “bad” will happen. for there is no bad. but yes you may look at it as it could be bad because it’s not the good that you seek. but it’s all experience. and if you live fully in the moment to experience it to its extent, then it will all be fine.
i know we’re all here for the experience, but when do i start experiencing it? when you decide to. all you have to do is decide to. you’ve seen many times you can powerfully create what you desire. and quite quickly when your intention is fully there. so manifest experiencing the moment and then you’ll be there experiencing the moment. really? is that how it all works? it’s really that simple? yup, if you want it to be. how do i know these voices are really telling me the truth? well, first off, it’s not really a voice. sorta but it’s more of just a flow, and there’s only one. dont be a smartass. i love being a smartass. i relate to you how you relate to me, remember. so if you appreciate it great, if you don’t, well look at what you’re communicating to the universe there. how do i know all this isn’t just the mind processing and analysing all this stuff at some high level? well, what if it is? then it’s not truly divine inspiration. who says it isnt? can the divine not work in whatever way it chooses? well i suppose. why even have all these conversations with the divine? if that’s what they even are? because it’s fun. it’s part of the process. i don’t know, you’re the one who chose to do this. at some level, at some point, it was intended. you and i are the same. yes there is only one voice, one experience, one perspective. but it can be seen from multiple angles. multiple vantagepoints. different ways. but the same. it doesn’t quite make sense from a mind that knows how to look at things a certain way. but to a mind that is willing to see from multiple ways and is open, it makes total sense. so wasn’t this whole thing about transcending the mind? yes. okay, then why are we talking about the mind? because that’s where the conversation and flow went. it’s that simple. don’t question everything. questioning is really taking you away from the moment. unless the question is spontaneous of course. then it was allowed to manifest on its own. it came from divine guidance. but if you’re stopping to think and question, you’re not in the flow. but where do i go?
to flow? here. now. not then and there :) okay, let’s stop playing with words. but duality needs words, so let’s mix them up a bit. so it’s getting all altered and changed and looking different now. it’s getting all jumbled up. wait, you saying it wasn’t jumbled up to begin with? :) of course it was. but that’s beside the point. none of this is supposed to make sense. what is the point of it all? to confuse me? to confuse others? i thought this was to inspire. it’s an internal inspiration of the i from the i to the i by the i, etc, etc, forever. it always comes and goes. if you want it to. should you allow it. should i desire it. should i/you be it. none of this makes entire sense. just like these words coming out. i don’t know where the words are going, i’m just typing them as they come out. i’m following htem in the moment, for the most part, and not trying to see where they’re going. look, you’re learning by experiencing. allow it to happen. it will flow through you. it doesn’t have to be forced. you don’t have to try and make it happen. just like these words are coming through that’s how you live life. wow was that the point of all the words that have ever flowed through me? like i said, allow it to happen, don’t try to figure it out.
this is a map of my journey this summer to chicago and the rest of the 48 contiguous states i hadn’t yet been to in my truck and camper.
the trip from chicago to maine and back to florida wasn’t quite as epic as my journey last fall. this one was 4680.4 miles in just under 3 weeks. getting from florida to chicago was only 1373.6 miles in 5 days, though i stayed in chicagoland much longer than originally intended. the whole round trip including time and driving around chicagoland was 6563.5 miles in 9 weeks. i took my truck and camper across the border to canada for the first time to go to roosevelt campobello international park. i ended up sleeping in a parking lot near the lighthouse at the northern tip of the island as someone i met up there (who was towing a camper) told me the locals said it was fine and there were no signs indicating against it. i had met someone else in the park at the southern tip of the island who told me about that lighthouse location which i didn’t know about before. perhaps i’ll take a trip to all the provinces of canada and alaska in the upcoming years..
[a.k.a. life on the road]
[a.k.a. life on the road]
just moved my office/studio to jon cancelino’s place.. here’s a live time-lapse webcam view with a circular fisheye lens pointing straight up:
what an adventure life is, when you surrender to the moment. some moments up, some down. sometimes both all at once! it’s a great experience. just learning not to resist it, nor get too caught up in it. as that occasionally happens. but it’s all perfect as it is. learn to see the beauty as it is. the perfection in all of it. the suffering only occurs in the mind, in its desire to see things a certain way and not seeing that particular way in a particular time. learn to shift that perspective. know that there is no good or bad. everything merely is. it is simple. yet difficult all at the same time. if one allows it to be. it need not be anything. that is the key to awareness. it doesn’t have to be anything. don’t look for it to be anything in particular. allow it to be what it is, and embrace what it is fully. yes, you may have preferences and goals. though don’t get caught up in them. they will manifest when you surrender to what is now. a goal does take you away from the here and now if it is something that is not here and now. think of it more of as a future plan. yes that is what it is, you may say. a desire to experience something in the future. but let it go. feel what it’d be like to experience that in the future and then let it go. forget about it. and when you arrive in the future, you will have that experience. if you surrender to the here and now. if you don’t surrender to the here and now you are not living fully in the moment. and these experiences can only be created in the moment, in the feeling, the divine connection to all that is. its all out there, everywhere, yet nowhere, all at once. it is all one. you are merely shifting perception from one part of the whole to another. you are already connected to it. just need to access that connection. and its not something you can think about. it can only be done. like these words coming out. i can see where they’re going sometimes, just a few words ahead. sometimes a bit further, sometimes not at all. i tend to look slightly ahead so i can have an idea of where its going. so i’m not fully 100% in the moment, but i’m allowing them to flow through. there is still the filter of the mind watching it. i can see the mind watching what’s happening here. i didn’t intend to write any of what i just wrote. i thought it’d go in a different direction but i would have had to think to make it come out. i rather just let it flow out naturally and effortlessly. [that's how it all should be. there really is no effort needed. everything is all connected in flow when you're in tune with it] so i just let these words flow out as these were the words that were coming to me at the time. so even this has an element of surrender. all great works are probably done as such. surrender and let the divine take over. it is far greater and more powerful than the mind.
now is the time for things that have been rare to become normal, and things that are normal to become rare.
things so many see as normal like violence, hatred, separation, war, struggle, greed, and judgment will begin to diminish and soon be completely eliminated from this world.
things like peace, acceptance, connection, unconditional love, harmony, and miracles will soon become everyday experiences for everyone.
i just made it to all 48 contiguous states in my truck and camper! [and its not even 22 months since i got both the truck and camper!]
maine is quite beautiful. even the interstate was beautiful! there were no billboards on the whole part i drove! absolutely amazing to see the roadway left so pristine and natural. a great model for everywhere else to follow. roads should be natural places – parkways that one can enjoy and be at peace while traveling from one place to another, rather than being bombarded by messages trying to sell you something. the small road i took north, route 11, was [...]