i took a little nap after writing what i did in the previous post and it ended up being a couple hours. so i want to continue to explore more aspects of what i was examining before, about why i want what i want. i think the whole traveling idea comes down to freedom. i want to feel like going somewhere and be able to do so easily. in a van or with my truck camper, i’d be able to […]
[2015.07-2015.09] a time-lapse comprised of a bunch of shots that were really meant to be stills (plus one actual time-lapse clip)
[2014.04.04] GoPro camera rotating on Brooxes Electric AutoKAP Kit (BEAK) on Into the Wind ITW 9ft Levitation Delta Kite over Clearwater Beach at sunset
[2014.02] my friends came down to clearwater beach and stayed in the presidential suite at the hyatt.. here’s a time-lapse of their views
[2014.10] time-lapse experiments with iphone, including tests on thin poles and first times flying on quadcopter (and almost losing it over water when controls seemed to stop responding)
i’m very grateful that i was able to recover the quadcopter with my iphone on it.. i recall on one of the shots where i had it flying out over the middle of the lake, i couldn’t tell which way it was pointing as i had spun it around to get different views (and it was a tiny dot in the sky), and the return to home emergency button didn’t seem to be responding. i tried different modes to try to bring it back to me though i didn’t know if it had gotten the proper gps lock and compass direction or whatnot.. the flight had gone longer than other ones and i didn’t know how much longer the battery would keep it in the sky so was a bit concerned. i think i had to ask for divine grace to help me at that point and surrender to the possibility that i might lose it in the water. shortly after that, i don’t remember exactly what i tried (as this shot was over a year and half ago), though i somehow managed to fly it back. i was so glad to see that it appeared to be getting bigger and that i was able to tell which direction it was heading as i guided it towards me. as it kept getting closer, i kept hoping the battery would last long enough to get it back over the dock or close enough nearby as i saw the red light blinking indicating it was just about out of power. another time after this at honeymoon island, i don’t know if it was in this series of shots or some other time, i had an issue where it wasn’t responding and i think it was windy and i didn’t know if i was going to get it back. i’m really grateful i’ve always somehow managed to fly it safely back (and was able to retrieve it from a tree the one time i lost sight of it and it crashed way up high in a 40+ ft tall tree).
[2014.12] experimental time-lapses with raspberry pi infrared noir camera [walking, flying, driving]
a few recent little ‘everyday’ miracles.. on Sunday, at the Kundalini workshop at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater, i was helping with the livestream webcast and didn’t really have any expectations set about what or how the class would be. we began with Chakra Dhyana followed by Ananda Mandala and then Shaktipat.. at some point during Ananda Mandala, i started to feel the energy very powerfully. i noticed it running a lot in my hands. i felt inspired and rejuvenated, remembering why i was here, and i saw things coming together in my life in a good way (despite previously resisting aspects of where i was, or feeling overwhelmed or stuck in recent days). before the workshop, the thought had crossed my mind about asking Michael or Suzanne to help me make it through what i was going through, and it happened in the processes without me saying anything to them (and i didn’t even try to do anything either). after the class had finished, i was told that i was so nice and was also told that i was very spiritual (or had good energy). just a couple/few days before, i was feeling lonely, bored, and wondering why i was here. it felt good to know i made (or could make) a difference in others’ lives, and it was really nice to feel the sense of community (and be more in touch with my purpose, growth, etc). afterwards, i went to the beach to see the sunset. i got there a little early and i wasn’t enjoying the bugs that were flying around me in the warm, still air, nor having carried a heavy bag such a long way, though i was at a nice quiet spot past all the houses and the light was nice. i didn’t know what the sky would do that evening, and i was greeted by beautiful colors after the sun went down and got some good photos.
when i got home that evening, i had a number of things i was selling in auction ending that night. i had only seen one item earlier that was going to sell for a little bit though felt excited to have one less box here waiting to sell. when i looked that night, i saw a few things that would sell and i had also gotten an offer from someone to purchase most of the books, cd’s, and dvd’s i had listed. we corresponded back and forth a few times and i’ll be listing a combo package for most of them. they’re selling for less than i would’ve liked, though they are going to a good home in a free library and the pile of boxes i have to sell is starting to dwindle down.
yesterday, i had made a couple trips to my parents’ to print out the shipping labels for the things i sold (as my printer wasn’t working) and also to weigh the box of all the books/cds/dvds to determine the shipping cost. i was starting to run out of packing tape and didn’t really feel like going to the store to get more, and my folks ended up having some there that i could use so i could save myself the trip to the store. the timing for both trips also worked out perfectly with the times my mom was going to be home with her errands. in the early afternoon when i was leaving there the second time, i was going to drop off the packages and take out a bag of recycling. as i was leaving i was thinking about the recycling (since i was going there first), and on my way out i saw the mailman coming down the street, just a couple/few houses away, though i didn’t pay attention until a little later when i was leaving their neighborhood. i realized it’d be simpler to just drop off the boxes with him rather than run to the local store or post office. i made my way back into their neighborhood, and headed down the other side of the road so i could run into him before he was done on their street. i wasn’t seeing him coming for a while and began to wonder where he went or if i’d have to driving the whole neighborhood looking for him. i ended up running into him a few houses past my folks, and then gave the boxes to him and headed to drop off the recycling. while dropping off the recycling, i felt a couple drops of rain, and made it back home without getting wet. i’m not sure which way the clouds went, though had i not been leaving exactly when i did to run into the mailman, i may have gotten wet after dropping off the packages at the post office or postal store.
this morning i was feeling a little tired and wasn’t wanting to go biking (for exercise) right away. as i was waiting for my tea to cool down, i was on the computer and got a message confirming all the books+dvds i’ll be selling, and was checking some accounts to verify bill payments had gone through. something told me to check one of my credit cards that i was waiting on bonus reward points to show up for. i had called not long ago and it sounded like it wasn’t going to be for a few more weeks, though when i went on today to check it, the $200 bonus points had posted. i had submitted an online bill payment from my bank to pay off the balance and now that the points had posted, i wanted to cancel it so i could pay off the balance using the reward points instead. most of the time there’s a link to be able to stop the payment before it goes through, though there wasn’t an option online to do so for this one (as it had gone out as a check rather than electronically). upon calling both my bank and the credit card bank, i was able to stop payment on the check without any fees. it was good that the system didn’t support sending it electronically for this particular payment, as the payment would’ve already cleared if it did and i wouldn’t have been able to cancel it. with the bonus reward points and the few dollars i had already sitting there as points, i was able to pay off the entire balance due and the currently remaining reward points are just over the $25 minimum needed to redeem it, so i can do so without waiting the next time i make another purchase or two on that card. i went biking after all this, and it wasn’t as hot as i was thinking it might get if i waited too long. during the bike ride and when i got home, i felt good and excited seeing all the little pieces coming together as the divine unfolds this chapter of life. i also felt more energetic and was able to make it through the same number of sit-ups more easily than i had done so in previous days.
i know it’s all in divine order and am grateful for seeing all the little miracles / synchronicities show up along the way.
(just as i finished typing this and was copy/pasting it to post on my journal and the miracle groups on facebook, i saw another message from the buyer of the books/dvds who’ll be making the purchase tonight)
today i woke up and noticed the temperature on my thermostat was a bit lower than what i had left it on last night. i hadn’t noticed that since i’ve been back in town these past few days. i looked at the weather and saw it had gotten a little bit cooler this morning, and felt it’d be really nice to go out for a bike ride before it warmed up later in the morning. i had some tea and was on the computer for a bit, and it was starting to get a little later. i don’t know exactly what time it was when i got out.. it was sometime after 9, maybe close to 10, though when i opened my door to take my bike outside, it was still nice and i felt a cool breeze. this was a little miracle as i didn’t expect it to be a little cooler (and with less humidity) as these past few days have been much warmer and humid when i’ve gone out in the morning and i took longer to get out of the condo too. another little miracle or ‘random’ coincidence / synchronicity was that a couple/few minutes into my ride, shortly after i got on the path that goes along the back road here to the park, i was thinking of my dad and the connection to him. i was going through a small part of the trail where it goes through some trees and as i was getting towards the end of it, i noticed a car starting to slow down on the road to the left. i thought perhaps it was a realtor or something (though didn’t see any real estate signs anywhere). as i started to come out of the little wooded area, i had a closer glance at part of the car and realized what it was. i looked up through the passenger window that was open and it was my dad saying he took the day off and was running errands. i had never run into him (or my mom) in that area, and when i was thinking about seeing him yesterday and improving/healing the relationship/connection, there he appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. (they do live a couple miles up the road, though it was a divine plan for him to be taking the back road at the same exact time i was biking that way to the park and thinking of him) i ask the divine to help me heal all of my relationships so i can flow with life and enjoy it without resistance. (and funny that just as i posted this, i got a text message from my mom..)
what am i looking for?
i’m looking to meet a girl who desires to be in a relationship. someone who can be a friend, a lover, an adventure companion. someone who enjoys life, both the simple and the exquisite, though isn’t attached to either. someone who is awakened, free, or on a spiritual path. someone who desires to grow and embrace life, and is also fine where she is at. someone who equally enjoys staying at home, going on adventures locally, or traveling across the country. someone who desires to have fun, enjoys romance, and wants a deeper connection with me. someone who appreciates good or healthy food. someone who enjoys the beauty of nature and living in a warm place. someone i can share this experience of life with. someone who i can open my heart to and who can open her heart to me. someone i can fall in love with, who can fall in love with me. someone who is pretty, cute, or beautiful. someone who is sweet and has a good heart. someone who can appreciate both being at peace or relaxed, and also getting excited about fulfilling dreams. someone whom i can express myself with openly, fully, genuinely, and authentically. …
today the hotel i’m staying at is going to be shutting down the water at 9am to install new plumbing equipment. they were going to be doing this tuesday after 10am, though they must’ve not gotten to it. today i was supposed to check out and didn’t know if i was going to be going to another hotel, my friend’s, or staying here again. i was wondering a bit if i was going to have to rush or have to ask them to delay shutting down the water until i could check out, move rooms, etc, etc. yesterday i talked to my friend and he said he’d get another couple nights for me here since they’re still getting settled down in the new house, and he booked another reservation last night. i went to sleep shortly after getting back from the deeksha circle last night and didn’t really worry much about needing to be up in time to be able to shower in the morning. (some of the past week here i’ve been getting in the shower after 9 or at least once not be all ready to leave until 10:30) this morning i woke up with enough time to go downstairs, get breakfast, inquire about the new reservation, shower, get ready, etc and was done by around 8:40 when i started writing this. i went back down to the registration desk on my way out of the hotel to show my id and sign the new paper and i was able to stay in the same room without moving all my stuff. the first night when i got here a week ago, the hotel room was smaller than the one i had originally been shown in the afternoon. i called the front desk and they didn’t have any other rooms available though were able to move me the the larger room in the morning. the room smelled like smoke and i called the front desk and they showed me two of the other larger rooms, one which smelled fresh that i ended up picking.
after typing all this and something else, i noticed it was a few minutes after 9 though figured the water might still be on. i was able to use the bathroom at the hotel rather than wait until i went to my friend’s office, even though they said it’d be shut off by 9.
yesterday i had written about a miracle in getting one of the raspberry pi micro-computers working at my friend’s office. i remembered that the day before i had another miracle in upgrading the hard drive on one of the imac’s here at the office. i had upgraded the first computer last week and it went well, which was a miracle, and this one went a little more smoothly essentially repeating the whole process. after i had put it back together and was booting up into the recovery mode to restore the operating system software, i put all of the tools, anti-static mat, band, etc. away figuring it was done. when it got into the recovery mode, i don’t remember what happened, perhaps i hit a key or something at some point before it actually began the installation process, the screen went blank and showed an error icon, either the blinking question mark in the folder or drive or something.. i really didn’t want to have to take the whole thing apart just to get to the hard disk. i turned it off and back on again, hit the key sequence to go into the recovery mode and waited. it got to the menu and i was able to format the drive and install the OS and then easily restore all of the data and application files from the backup. another simple miracle in how it didn’t make sense or didn’t look like it was going to work and then it did. being able to restore the data and application files and encrypt the drive was a bit of a miracle on the first one last week as at first it didn’t work but then i thought of temporarily restoring the OS so it would create the necessary partition setup, and then restoring the backup. often a ‘bug’ or something that’s not working has a simple solution or workaround, a miracle hiding, waiting to be experienced.
sometimes we might not think all the little pieces can come together or we might just get caught up in the thinking or emotions or resistance of experiencing (or thinking we might experience) something we don’t prefer, though when we surrender to the moment and expect miracles (or simply expect things to work out), everything will flow naturally and effortlessly in our favor. experiencing miracles is as simple as shifting our perspective. embrace them and they will become a part of our everyday life.
a mini miracle today.. i was getting tired working at my friend’s office and had thought of going to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things before heading up to my hotel room. part of me was thinking i don’t need to and could just go tomorrow. though i had also thought of going to the park right up the road too. a little bit later, i noticed the light was getting to be very nice as […]
there will be some really amazing healing, liberating, awakening, heart-opening energy at this event! be sure to check it out.. for my friends in Chicagoland, it’s gonna be right there in your neck of the wood next weekendfacebook.com/catherine.scherwenka/videos/10209568001583126/ facebook.com/phenomgiftchicago/videos/767860443313492/
there was another great conversation last night at the Satsang at the Flowering Heart Center. the Ho’oponopono healing process was one of the things that came up. it had come up in recent weeks or months too. here’s a link to an article i found talking about Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len who healed a whole psychiatric ward using this method: www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale
it’s really awesome to see how many of the teachings and conversations lately at the weekly satsangs have been expanding and align with how i’ve seen the world and understood reality. i admit i have strayed away from this higher awareness as i got caught up in other things along the way, though perhaps everything is now unfolding as it is, as i’ve been getting back on the path, surrendering what no longer serves me, and moving forward in this journey. as you’ll read in the article, part of this process involves taking full personal responsibility for all we have created. i learned a lot of this during the Avatar Course years ago and experienced seemingly magical transformations. it’s time to take responsibility again. to own what i/we have created and have been refusing to see or experience. it will be quite liberating to step into a new world, a new reality, upon doing so.
Michael and Suzanne will be holding a course “Healing the Shadow & our disowned selves” going into this type of process/healing. it’ll be at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater on May 15 or you can watch it online live or later. here’s a link to read more about it: floweringheart.org/shadowprocess.htm
i was listening to a couple audiobooks by Robert Holden recently. while the topics may seem general or simple, like being about love or happiness, there is a subtle profoundness to be experienced in what he is saying. some of what he mentions is really coming from higher awareness and, yes it can be applied to love or happiness, though it can also be applied to any aspect of life, and will lead to peace, higher awareness, and freedom.
i’d recommend checking his books or audios out. he’s one of the authors that will be featured in the Hay House World Summit, the world’s largest health and wellness event (which is starting very soon). there’ll be 100 free audio programs and 16 free movies/videos you can watch during it from many experts and authors. click here to check it out
All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.
- Swami Vivekananda
so what is it that i really want to do?
i find myself at a crossroads. a time to make a decision. or perhaps, as i got from my short conversation with michael tonight after the meditation/blessing, to just allow and trust. though he did say something about deciding, or knowing which to decide. that is what i feel i really need most now, is clarity.. to decide which of multiple directions is best for me. it was good that michael felt that my situation with work right now was long coming (not his exact words though not remembering it right now). yes, i must do what is aligned with who i am and the direction i am going. it would be easy to just keep working for joe though the more i see him living from the mind and the old corporate ways/perspectives, the more i feel it’s not what i want and i’m going in the wrong direction. i’m much more interested in a different approach to life than what he sees or what so many of us see, in terms of having to work these jobs doing something we really don’t like just to pay bills and buy stuff we really don’t need. i am grateful for upcoming changes in society. i’m sure many more of us will be happy to see a new way unfold. consumerism is not sustainable for the planet and it’s not healthy for the people who are caught up in it. i want to live an inspired life. to do something fulfilling. something that has meaning and purpose and is of a greater calling. to help transform this world. and to have fun and enjoy and laugh and play too. and to have a deep, meaningful relationship. as i look at my life and what i’m thinking of i wonder will everything work out. will it all come together. i know i just have to trust it. the divine is going to put all the pieces together. i shouldn’t try to figure it out as michael essentially was saying. i can see little miracles unfolding when i surrender and allow. tonight i experienced surrendering and allowing. i had wanted to talk to tracy (tracie? tracey?) after the meditation/blessing and wanted to just relax and be me and effortless connect with others in general. i asked for these things and others during the blessing and i felt that it was happening. i saw little subtle signs or felt it or perhaps i even just told myself it was working. i usually sit with my eyes closed quietly until everyone is done with blessings. when sitting near the end i noticed that tracy was leaving and surrendered and just accepted that maybe i’d talk to her next time. though as i went back to sitting there with my eyes closed, i felt that maybe she was still there and maybe i didn’t have to sit there waiting for everyone to finish. the energy and space are already high, i don’t necessarily need to sit there to help hold the space longer.. and everyone was pretty much already done anyhow. i think it was a few seconds later that my friend audrey came to give me a hug as she had to leave early as her car was blocking others in the driveway. after that, i got up and saw tracy was standing quietly just outside the kitchen. i walked over to her and don’t remember exactly how our conversation started.. i think she said something about not talking to me since she started coming back or something. then we talked for a little bit and it was nice. a simple idea of sending blessings when she’s at work came to me (when she was telling me she would listen to spiritual or meditation songs on her headphones and was wondering what the current song was playing) and she really liked the idea. it was nice to see that my asking to connect with her effortlessly manifested. all i had to do was listen to the idea that came to me that was telling me it’d be okay to get up. it felt like when she got up and i surrendered i was almost saying bye internally or something. and it felt like in that same space i told her i’d talk to her if she waited around. i’m not sure if she waited around to find out what the song was or to just stay in the energy or exactly what reason, but it all worked out. it was all in divine order. this is the same place i must go to to feel what i want to do. i’ve been looking at vans and thinking of selling the condo and getting the van and living out of it, though i feel that having a relationship with a girl is really what i would enjoy more than traveling or living the unique lifestyle out of the van. and who knows, maybe who i’m with would want to do the long term travel for a while. i would enjoy the inspiration and adventure of traveling and living a unique and minimal life though i could find other ways to be creative even if i’m not traveling. i told michael about the audio programs i recorded almost a year ago. it felt good to do those. maybe that’s what i’ve got to explore more. then it comes down to the whole money thing. i know it will all manifest. i must just trust it and allow it to happen and stop overthinking it. it was good to talk a little bit with michael before leaving though then when i over-analyze it, i think i could’ve talked more with tracy instead and i was feeling i could ask if she wanted to go out. i don’t even know if she’s single or not though it felt like i could’ve simply asked her. i would’ve liked to have hugged her but i was talking to michael instead when she was leaving. now i’m feeling that perhaps i shouldn’t focus as much on the van and allow things to unfold divinely. i’ll see her again next week. i can talk to her and hug her then, and perhaps ask her out too. i’ll ask for divine guidance. i don’t have to know all the answers. that’s what i’ve been thinking. i try to figure out everything and put all the pieces together. i’ve just got to relax and surrender. in this whole process of life too. i don’t need to know how it’s going to work out or even where i’m going or what i want to do. i’ll just take it day by day. today i was working on putting together one of the old time-lapses that have been waiting to be done. i hadn’t been feeling like doing it because i was trying to get all this other stuff sorted out. though that’s not all necessary. i just felt like doing it, i think yesterday i did a bit of work on it and then today, and it was quite simple. it doesn’t have to be hard. i don’t have to make life all that difficult or complicated. letting go of all the unnecessary stress or burdens is certainly helpful. now as i type this and stop trying to think of all the details of what happened exactly in the past (even though the past was only a short while ago, its still going back into the mind to try to remember it.. and not even getting it all correctly). it’s like this writing. just let it flow. thats where it all comes down to. step into the present moment and roll with it. allow the divine to spontaneously flow through you. that’s all it is. step into the flow. stop trying to think about it. don’t worry. the divine knows better than us, doesn’t it?? i’m sure it does. stop worrying about it. trust it. it’s all unfolding. ask the divine for what you want and you’ll watch it happen. in this world of needing to control things, its easy for the mind to think it has to take charge and do things. just let go. ask and allow. that’s how i was able to talk to tracy tonight. i just asked and allowed. it was that simple. it was nice. i hadn’t really talked to her that effortlessly or even that much before. i know i could still see myself trying to think or be present or try to do too much though it worked out somewhat and it was fine. that’s all ya gotta do. is simply relax and be. allow life to happen. enjoy it. and if the van thing happens, great. if it doesn’t, that’s great too. i’ll feel into how i’m feeling and allow it to unfold. i could even get the van and travel around locally here and have a girlfriend locally. it will all work out. i think part of what i’ve been trying to do for so long has been to fit into a box of what i thought was how things should be. i know i’m pretty out of the box for the most part. but in thinking i had to settle down and ended up moving back to florida to stay in one spot. it’s not all that i need to do… and look right now at what happened.. i stopped to think or look back at what i wrote or wonder where words were going and then i lost what was coming out. don’t make life so difficult. life can be easy. i was telling michael how i felt inspired by wayne dyer and recorded the audio programs and how i’d like to be able to just do that sort of thing but then shared my doubts about making money with it right away. and he said not necessarily (or something) when i said i thought it wouldn’t happen right away or would take time or something. it all goes back to trust. and being aligned. he spoke about creating but then how much more powerful we create when we are aligned with the divine. i shared a quick version of my story when i felt i created a little miracle for my friend matt at the restaurant one night after the avatar course. in sharing the story, it was good to be able to share it briefly. i notice how much i can go into so many details that aren’t all that necessary. sure, sometimes its good to share details but i don’t have to feel it needs to be done all the time. i know i’ve seen my mom do that and i think i’ve gotten it from her. i know i can talk quickly trying to get in all the details and i saw myself doing that when i was sharing some of it with him tonight. i feel i have to rush to get it all in as maybe either its too long or i won’t be able to speak it all or maybe i’m wondering if the other person is interested, or perhaps i’m simply being a little vulnerable. its interesting to see this and knowing what i know about my mom see what aspects she could be exhibiting when she’s telling stories like that and her nervousness or anxiousness or whatever it is. it’s interesting to see all of this programming. i’ve known this for a while. it’s just a matter of feeling it and letting it go if it no longer serves. or simply stepping into the present moment and allowing. it’s all beautiful when we just surrender and allow. i’m really grateful for everything in my life. i’ve been thinking recently about surrendering more. like right now i’m looking for a solution or opportunity like the van since i don’t have the income from working with joe. i’m not sure if i will have any more from him in the future or not, but it feels like it’d just be simpler to let go and be done. to not get caught up with all of the stress or drama involved with the company. and to do something more inspired. i don’t know exactly what it looks like but i trust it will all unfold. i like when michael has told the story i think of one who was enlightened and was a fool and would just play in the market with the children all day or something. i’ve enjoyed being the fool around friends and family. just allowing the fun and foolishness or goofiness to spontaneously flow through me. recently i’ve also been thinking that i shouldn’t allow anyone to hold me back. i think i’ve been looking at situations with work or the condo or girls that i’ve been talking to but are only friends with currently. i’ve just got to follow my heart and do what feels right to me. and this doesn’t mean that those people, situations, etc will just disappear completely. they could but they might also not. don’t try to figure out the universe or the divine order behind everything. it can be all quite crazy. something could just show up unexpectedly. we’ve got to learn to trust and allow and embrace the unknown. it’s a vulnerability to embrace the unknown. though the more we do so, the easier it becomes. it was nice to speak at the meditation/satsang, i think it was the one last week, when suzanne asked me whats important to me, after others were sharing their feelings or thoughts. i had wanted to speak and felt that i would say something if i was asked or something. i don’t recall exactly. either she picked up on it or the divine guided her or it was simply the way i looked or something that led to her asking me. i said i don’t know when she first asked and i think a few people laughed or felt that or something. then i went on to say something that i was feeling that someone else had touched upon. i don’t recall exactly but i recall that it felt like what i was speaking wasn’t always exactly how i would say it thought it was close. and i was wondering why i was saying it like that. it must’ve been the divine flowing through me. it’s nice. i feel i could surrender my whole life to the divine and allow the divine to flow through me at all in time with anyone and in any situation. though i’ve got to learn to trust it. i know god is looking out for me. though i have fears about what if something goes wrong. i know in the divine hands nothing ever goes wrong. but what if something happens that i don’t like. i look at situations, now a long long time ago, that occurred and perhaps i’m thinking of those. sometimes it felt a little scary knowing how far i could go if i just trusted the moment and the feeling. i never got hurt or anything but i wonder what if things got crazy and i did. like if i went too extreme in driving or trying some ambitious stunt or something. i think i’m just overthinking this as i don’t even drive fast anymore and i’m not sure i’d try anything crazy. though i know in the past it did feel like i could almost try something crazy when i was drunk or high. when i’ve let go of all inhibitions, it was exactly that. letting go of all limitations and then anything would be possible. and the crazy thing was that it felt like i could actually do it. like is that all this is really about? is letting go of all the inhibitions? i know it is. but is it really? i’ve been there. i’ve been in some pretty high states after the avatar course and letting go of so much where i felt and knew anything was possible. i know i’ve re-created old ways and identities these past years and i must let those go. letting go of all that no longer serves me will open me up to what’s possible. all of our blocks are really self imposed. we may not know it. but we are really limiting ourselves with these things, stories, identities, etc, etc. as we let go, we free our attention and energy and get closer to our true nature. our true nature is free. we are free. we are divine. there’s a part of us, perhaps deep down inside, that is divine. we only must ask for it and we will find it. yes it does seem there can be some or a lot of work to do. but it will be so worth it. i know i’ve been lazy lately about doing the work or even about doing things i want to do. but it’s like michael and suzanne have been saying about cleaning up and showing up. that’s what must be done. i look forward to their course on the shadow work. i may not want to jump into the shadow elements but i will. it will be worth it. yes it might be a bit vulnerable but it will make a difference to completely let go of old personalities or things that no longer serve me. i guess this brings me back to where i was in avatar. i remember after letting go of so much i think i felt that i didnt know who i was. i know i get to create it. but i didnt know what to create. and thats where i’m at now too. i dont know exactly what to decide. or where i’ve been at. i’m now deciding. i know what i want. i’ll say it again. i want to have fun, enjoy life, have a beautiful relationship, partake in a spiritual community, be inspired and inspire others. i want to flow with life. i want to see a beautiful planet and new world unfold. i know i want a lot. i must decide where to start. or i just ask for it all and allow it to unfold and manifest in perfect order. stop overthinking and start allowing. going back to surrendering. it feels good to let go of what no longer serves me. i see how much stuff i’ve been hanging on to that i didn’t really need. i thought maybe i’d use it for a project one day. or some things i forgot i even had. it’s good to clean up the clutter in one’s life. in physical life and in mental and spiritual life. it feels so good to have more free energy and attention and feel lighter. travel lightly. live lightly. perhaps this is the sort of thing i need to do. as far as in work and all. i’ve been thinking or feeling this recently. i’ve been wanting to do something that matters, that could help others, and that resonated with who i am. i’ve known about all this mass-media driven consumerism for a long time. i just found references to it in my writing from 10-15 years ago. i’m seeing more of it lately and more people becoming aware of it. i think i’ve come across it more since i’ve decided to surrender and let go. i got to the point by the end of last year of realizing my old ways were no longer working. i was getting caught up in the chase of wanting more or needing more. it was taking over or overwhelming me. i knew it and had seen it in the past too. i see it in so much of the photography world, where it’s all about the equipment and latest gadgets. yes these things can be helpful though its much more important to actually create work and be creative rather than need the next latest gadget. and i wasn’t even needing everything though in chasing after this sort of thing or wondering when the next camera or lens would come out became so draining. i think this sort of approach puts us so much into the mind and it hands over controls to the mind. rather than learning to surrender and allow whatever is needed to unfold, the mind thinks its got to do things a certain way or try to make things happen or control things. anyhow, before going on to too much of a ramble or rant about the mind, lets get back to where we were going. i feel that as i’ve let go, as i’ve accepted, surrendered, etc, i’ve opened up more space for whats new to unfold in my life. it’s been nice to see that i’ve actually been chatting with girls on dating sites/apps and have actually met a couple in person. before, when i was living too much from the mind or taking other’s advice, such as joe’s, of needing to be a certain way or whatnot, i wasn’t living authentically. and by doing so, i wasn’t getting any or very little response. by letting go of what doesn’t serve me, i step out of the mind and into the flow of spirit, and everything unfolds much more smoothly and effortlessly. it’s all in divine order. i see how i was when i first started going to the flowering heart center last summer when i got back to town where i was much quieter and thinking i needed to be a certain way or whatnot and compare it to how i feel now. i’m still not all outgoing though i’ve opened up more and its really nice to see the change. and i can see this continue to change, not only there, but in connecting with others anywhere. i’ve just to remember we’re all one being so i’m just talking to another part of myself so its really no big deal. and let go of attachment to outcome. it doesn’t matter if we don’t resonate or connect or even get along. it’s all in the moment. and as far as with looking to create a relationship with a girl, i’ve got to just be me and that’s how i’ll make friends and find who’s right for me. it’s really that simple. i can’t do what others have said about needing to be or look or act a certain way. maybe that works for some, but maybe that’s what really doesn’t work. this is life. there are no rules. just be yourself. it’s that simple. thats what feels right. follow your heart. and allow it all to unfold in perfect order. look at the times you’ve felt most alive in your life. see what’s been common there. for me it’s just been when i’ve had fun and have felt free. when i’ve connected with others. when i’ve spoken exactly what someone else needed to hear. when someone opened their heart to me or when i’ve opened my heart to them. it hasn’t been when i’ve been caught up in rules or materialism or needing anything else other than the moment i was in. that moment was perfect. we all seek this perfection or what we think is perfect or what others have told us is perfect though the only true perfection comes when we stop looking for it. the moment is perfect when we step into it. let go of what you think or are expecting to be perfect. these attachments of how you think life should look like are what hold us back from actually living life. experience what is here and now. let go of the stories and thinking. let it all unfold. just feel and be present. that’s how it felt like i could actually ask tracy if she wanted to go out or meet up or something. it just felt like it was possible. i didnt think about it or analyze it. i asked for the help of the divine to connect and open my heart or i dont even remember what right now. i just gotta step out of my own way. its that easy. don’t stop yourself from being yourself. be who you really are. and who you really are is divinely guided. its your spirit, your essence, your true nature. its not your mind or thinking or trying to do things a certain way or how society sees them. who you really are is who you really are. its who you are when you are you. when you are relaxed, free, flowing, enjoying life. so i guess thats what i really want. to be free, to be me, to flow, to connect with others, and to enjoy life. i don’t know exactly what it will look like but that’s part of the adventure. and it’ll be fun. i am me. i flow with life and life flows through me. i embrace it and enjoy it. i love it. i give and receive love. i spontaneously and naturally and effortlessly connect with others. it all works out perfectly because i’m not trying to make it perfect.
life is quite simple if we allow it to be. rather than following what someone else is telling you to do or thinking you need to fit into an existing system, listen to your own heart and inner calling. this guidance will take you on a journey of doing what you love and are passionate about. and this alone will make all the difference
[i was thinking about exploring who i am or what i want in life for a while though hadn’t gotten to it. last night while on the phone with a new friend, DeAnne, she said something at one point about me not knowing what i want, so i felt perhaps i should explore this this morning]
so what is it that i really want?
i sit here and ponder how to write the next chapter of my life. i’ve been desiring a few things, a few changes. part of me feel torn in deciding what really would be best for me right now. simply, i just want to enjoy life. and i’ve gotten to a place of having a lot of peace in my life, after surrendering attachments and things that were no longer serving me. so now that i’ve freed up this space, what do i create? how do i live my life?
i could simply sit here and live a peaceful life and i’ve had the experience of feeling that it’s totally fine, even just when i’m here at my condo and not doing a whole lot. i no longer have the need to go out and do something necessarily just to to make me feel better. nor do i have the resistance to being here and being bored. yes, sometimes i may feel a little bored or lonely, though most of that is gone. i’ve been able to accept it.
yet at the same time, i don’t want to just sit here and do nothing. part of me feels i should or could do something else with my life. so i ponder what is my purpose. what am i here to do with life? at least right now, or in the coming years. where do i decide to go?
so many speak of doing what one loves or is passionate about to make one feel happy or enjoy life. i look at what really moves me, and what i really enjoy. and some of it i am experiencing now. i do really like having alone time, or more specifically, quiet time, away from the chaos of the world. and i have a lot of that now. and i do like exploring nature and the beauty of it. and i do get that now. i enjoy biking, and there are really nice paths here to go to a couple of local parks without crossing the major roads too. it’s quite a beautiful area. i really enjoy that. i don’t like my immediate area as much as i’d prefer to have my own home on my own land rather than live in a condo building with the parking lot right outside. though the beautiful area and being able to bike around here partially makes up for it, and most of the time it is quiet and peaceful here. if i were to change it, i’d find somewhere where the immediate area was more natural and peaceful and quiet. i like my home to be a sanctuary or a sacred space. somewhere i can go to escape the noise of the world and relax or do as i please. if i want to engage in the noise of life, i’ll go out to places that are loud where i find that. though i really enjoy and like my home to be quiet and peaceful, unless i’m choosing to turn on music, watch a movie, speak loudly, etc. though i don’t want any outside influences happening at undesired times to affect my space. going back to nature, i do bike to the parks on the lake here and through paths that are usually fairly empty which is really nice. i look at if i were to live somewhere else if i would have such a beautiful area to bike in, and i realize a lot of places might not have paths or trails so that would be something important to consider if i were to move elsewhere. though i look at if i were to travel [more about that later], that i could go to beautiful natural places and find those types of paths or trails too. i enjoy living here as there are a number of really nice parks in the area or not too far away. i often go out by the gulf and its nice to be able to drive less than 20 or 30 minutes to various quiet or natural spots by the water. sometimes there is a little traffic to deal with though its typically not that bad when i go. and when i go exploring, i do engage in creativity with my photography or occasional writing too which is something else i enjoy. i also see that i have a nice feeling of community here over at the flowering heart center, and there are a few other spiritual communities too though i haven’t gone to them in a while.
so i see i have a lot working and that i do enjoy already. but what else is it that i long for in life? before going there, i see that a lot of what i desire, in what i do have and in what i seek, is connection. a deeper connection, one that i can find in a quiet space such as in my home, or out in the beauty of nature or by the water, or in a community, or in a close intimate connection with another. i feel that this last part is what i really desire. to have a deeper intimate connection with another. it’s one of the most important parts of a relationship that i desire to create with a girl. there are many other aspects too that i’d like to share with her, though with a deep connection and to be truly in love, so much of the other stuff no longer matters. it seems that everything is based on love. whether its something we do, or something we feel for ourselves, or for our own life, or for the world, or something we share with another. i look at the times i’ve felt love in various ways in the past and its when i’ve felt most alive. i feel the most aliveness has been when i’ve been in love with a girl or when i’ve been engaged with a community or friends that accepted or loved me for who i am. feeling this love back from another allowed me to open myself up and shine forth who i really was. then all the things i enjoyed doing naturally happened. it seems that often we look at what to do when it’s not really what we’re doing that matters. it’s how we’re doing it, from a place of love. when i’ve been surrounded by friends and just having fun and being me, it felt natural and was really a lot of fun. when i’ve been in a close relationship with someone whom i shared love with, it didn’t really matter what we did. just spending time with her, whether cuddling, laying in each other’s arms looking into each other’s eyes, cooking or eating out together, going on an adventure around town or traveling further away, watching a movie, talking, whatever it was, it didn’t really matter. it was just being in that place of feeling love for each other and feeling that love returned. that was the aspect that truly mattered and made a difference. it was the feeling and the being, not the actual doing. the romance, the adventure, the fun, the intimacy, the connection, the sharing of life was all great but love was what made it feel so beautiful. that is what i truly long for. someone i can share a beautiful life in love with. and from there we can create whatever experiences we desire to embrace, share, and experience in life. it’d be nice to have some compatible perspectives on life. we don’t have to have the exact same viewpoints on things though just ones that are somewhat aligned to be able to create and share the experiences we both desire. so that’s something else i can explore..
so what is it that i enjoy doing or how do i see the world?
some of this i’ve already mentioned above. i enjoy adventure and exploration. in various forms. it’s nice to go for a ride around town to someplace new or that i haven’t been to in a while. it’s nice to go on further trips or across the country or even around the world. however while i do like traveling, i do also enjoy staying locally too or just hanging out at home. i think this comes as a part of being in love, either with another or by loving and accepting myself where i am. with this love, some of the urge or need to travel disappears. though i still really do enjoy the adventure of travel and it’s been a lot of fun, especially to go someplace i’ve never been to. part of this desire to travel is why i got a truck and camper a few years ago, and more recently i’ve seen videos of a few couples who’ve been living life on the road and thought that’d be really neat to do. i’m not sure if i’d want to do that long term or not, though i do like the alternative lifestyle and how beautiful it’d be to wake up in many beautiful new places and go exploring every day. i have yet to explore many other countries though would consider doing so at some point. i think for now, i’m more interested in exploring here as it’d be much more cost effective to be able to travel more and it’d require less planning.
i like to have some idea in life of where i want to go though i don’t like be burdened down by plans. it does feel to be a lot more fun to be spontaneous and either not plan at all or only plan a little bit in advance. i also feel that if someone i loved wanted to do the planning, with my input or knowing my interests, i’d be okay with that too. though i don’t want to get too caught up in the details or feeling i have to follow the plan or keep on track. that’s really the part about it that i don’t like. is the burden of feeling limited in time and having to get from one place to another by a certain deadline. i like to really embrace the experience of where i am in the moment, and thinking of needing to do something by a certain time really limits my experience and then i’m thinking through the experience rather than fully being present in the moment and embracing all that is in the here and now. this freedom and flexibility is really important to me as it affects how i experience and enjoy life. in the past i’ve had so many times of being burdened down by something or other that i didn’t feel i fully experienced what i could have in the moment. i enjoy spontaneity and if i get curious about something, being able to go explore it. it’s fun to see a place on the map or find a path or trail and feel drawn to it and just go down it. if i have to think i’ve only got a certain amount of time before i need to go somewhere else or do something else, then i feel i need to focus on that so i can stay responsible and make certain i do what i said i was going to do. so in short, it goes back to what i said earlier. if who i’m exploring with doesn’t mind not planning or wants to gently or quietly keep track of the plan and time, then i’m fine with that as i can still feel the sense of exploration and freedom.
so that was a bit of a tangent on spontaneity that i chose to explore. so this is how this sort of thing works. i got interested in that or was feeling that and its what came up. if i chose not to write about it or explore it because i had to stick to some sort of plan of what i was trying to convey here, then it wouldn’t have been the same. in looking for someone, i realize a lot of girls, especially a lot of who i’d be interested in who are in their mid to late 20s or early 30s, may be thinking of having kids. i’m really not certain if i do want kids or not, and a lot of it is because of this whole freedom, flexibility, and spontaneity. also a part of it is financial as i know there can be many more expenses in having children and having or needing to create more income goes back to the whole idea of freedom, spontaneity, and living in the moment. i don’t want to be forced to have to go to a job i don’t like just to survive in this world. i see too many people do that and they aren’t happy. they’re living out of a place of need, struggle, or having to do something. rather than embracing life and creating the life they desire. a lot of people feel they need to do this sort of thing because that’s what society conditions them to do. all they know is the whole basic pattern of what most others have been doing in their lives. i do see this whole area starting to change as more people awaken to new possibilities, and i’m really drawn to exploring these unique ways of living. i’m really interested in sustainability, especially complete self-sustainability and off-grid living, and not relying on anything outside of one’s self to in order to exist. so then one can put one’s energy and focus on what one really desires in life rather than in doing something one might not like just to earn money in order to pay for the essentials to exist, and sometimes, for many, get caught up in purchasing many things one doesn’t really need because they think it’ll bring happiness but it never does for very long. so going back to the whole idea of children, i felt into it the other day and pondered on what it was that was giving me the viewpoint of not being sure about wanting children, and the past viewpoint of not wanting children. i feel a lot of it is what i said above and part of it is also wanting to make sure i could bring them up in a good place as so many of us, myself included, had experiences in growing up that were less than ideal. and i wouldn’t want to put anyone else through a less than ideal experience. yes i realize life is not perfect though i do strive to simplify it and make it as ideal, or coming from a more positive place as possible, than otherwise. i feel if i was deeply in love with someone and we had shared a beautiful romance and deep connection for years, then at that point i could feel more open to having kids though i’d also likely be totally fine without having them as i currently am. sometimes its hard to know exactly how one will feel in the future for there are so many experiences that will affect how we’re feeling between now and then. before knowing or deciding what i want to do regarding this, i’d like to have and share the deep connection first, as that’s where everything originates from. and from a place of being truly in love with each other, as i wrote above, a lot of the actual experiences in the world really won’t matter. it’ll be experiencing the world from a place of love that makes life really beautiful. i also feel in being so close to someone else, that it would be much easier to share whatever aspects of life we want to create together. we’d engage in the world as a team and be there to support each other rather than trying to figure it all out on our own. and we might not agree 100% on everything, though from a place of love it will all work out. looking at another aspect of life, for example, i wouldn’t mind living in a city or a more densely populated place if i was with someone i loved. yes, i’d still prefer to have someplace more natural though the feeling of being deeply in love with someone would overcome a lot of the obstacles of living in a place that’s not 100% the most ideal. and i think that in a case like this, it would allow for more adventures and travel. in at least one of the videos i watched recently about couples who were living out of a van or traveling, they spoke about getting so comfortable in living in a nice home that they might not want to go out and explore the world. and i’m not saying either is good or bad, though just exploring multiple perspectives on it.
exploring multiple perspectives leads me on to the next aspect of this exploration which is that itself. i love to explore, yes i believe i said that above, though not just as in going out in the world and exploring, but also in exploring ideas, philosophies, viewpoints, ways of seeing the world, possibilities, etc — much of what my photography, writing, etc are all about. i feel that in this exploration we open ourselves up to new ways of seeing the world, and let go of limiting perspectives, and sometimes see things that were always there though we were blind to. i could ramble on a lot about this, and will keep it short for now, though this is really part of personal and spiritual growth. as we become more aware of various aspects of ourself, we expand our awareness to higher levels of consciousness and gain new insights and direct experiences of what this whole thing we call life really is. we’ll also learn that we are all interconnected, and coming from a higher place, can create great change in the current world and make it a truly beautiful place for all of us to live in. so that was really short and didn’t touch on a lot of what it could have though i’m getting a little tired of sitting at the computer typing this and am feeling my next adventure awaiting. and that’s how a lot of this works. our intuition, or divine guidance, or inner feelings can guide us and effortlessly take us to where we’re going. i see this is a much more effective and very much more peaceful way of going about life. i see so many of us get caught up in having to do things, and a lot relates to what i wrote above about most people being conditioned to think they have to do so in order to live life, that we don’t truly live or fully experience or embrace the beauty of life. i love to see beauty in simple things. and it feels so liberating to have less to worry about or keep track of. society has grown so quickly and so many of us have gotten so addicted to modern technologies or solutions for things that we don’t really even need. if we step back outside of ourselves and look at it all, we’ll see this and realize that none of these external things that we chase after are even real. they don’t define us. they don’t make us happy. it’s all an illusion. only we, ourselves, can make ourselves happy. it’s a choice. we can choose to go about life happily or we can be stuck looking for external happiness.
so back to the other adventure i just mentioned. i’m feeling like going out to one of my favorite parks around here, honeymoon island, and going for a walk. i was originally thinking of writing this out there though i felt by the time i got there and went through traffic and was actually there i might not be feeling like writing it, so i chose to write it now before going. i think i mentioned above that i enjoy nature and parks. it feels so long ago, i don’t even know exactly when i started writing this or how long it’s been. i love getting lost in the moment. that’s what i’m talking about with spontaneity and freedom and flexibility. i like my life to flow effortlessly. yes sometimes there are challenges but i do my best not to get caught up in them. that doesn’t always happen, though as i learn to surrender and let go of resistance and allow a force higher than myself to guide me, all the pieces of the puzzle come together. the universe is in perfect order when we allow it to divinely unfold. still trying to get back to adventures.. i’m open to exploring adventurous activities like zip-lining, riding personal watercraft, skydiving, etc. i haven’t done too much in this realm and am not too attached to having to do any, though if i meet someone who’s interested in them, i’d be open to trying them. i’d probably enjoy them as i’m sure a lot of these things would be fun or would give me new perspectives on life. which is why i’d also be open to living life on the road. when i lived out of my truck camper for 10 weeks from chicago to california and back to florida, and the following year for 3 weeks from chicago to maine to florida, i liked seeing and exploring new places, though i missed the connection with another or community. i loved seeing beautiful places in nature though without having someone to share it with, and sometimes without having an internet signal to connect with the outside world, and without having a community to participate in regularly, it wasn’t as nice as it could’ve been. this is why i came back to florida and ended up buying my condo. so i could be settled down in one spot and be able to meet other people and find a community, friends, or a girlfriend to share the beauty of life with. it was also much easier not having to go looking for a place to park and sleep undisturbed every night. and there are some beautiful places in this area that many other parts of the country don’t have.
i’m feeling it’s time to take a break though i know this doesn’t feel complete. there’s much more i could write and i have to scroll up to see what i even started talking about when i asked the question of what i enjoy doing or how i see the world. for the most part, its basically anything coming from a place of peace, exploration, or fun. i like meeting others who are awakened, on a spiritual path, open to higher awareness, have a conscious perspective on life, or simply have a good attitude and are nice or sweet. essentially i’m looking to meet someone who is coming from the heart or who wants to open her heart to me as i open my heart to her, and who desires to share and create a beautiful life together. i don’t know how all the exact details will look though life is our canvas and the world our playground, and we can share an amazing journey and adventure together, should we desire and choose to.
recently i’ve come across a number of videos by couples who are living out of a van and sharing their experiences online. it’s been quite inspirational to watch them share their stories and journeys. shortly after i first got my truck camper i had thought of creating a video journal of my life on the road, though never did in the manner i had first thought of. i ended up shooting films comprised of short clips and time-lapses of my journey instead. i feel inspired to complete the rest of the videos, or at least the remaining ones from chicagoland to california (for now).
check out some of their videos. the first video is Mat and Danielle, of Exploring Alternatives, whom share why they love living a van. they also have a lot of videos on their youtube channel with tips of what they’ve learned in their lifestyle. in the second video, Emily and Corey of Where’s My Office Now? interview others living nomadic lifestyles (this is the last video in the series they did). they have other videos on their youtube channel as well. the last video is of Rachel and James from Idle Theory Bus (whom Emily and Corey caravanned with to do the interview series). they have a few more videos on their vimeo channel. each video has a little bit different feel. it’s interesting that all three couples began their journeys around the same time (which is also around the time i was on my journey out west with my truck and camper). it’s also beautiful to see the awareness they have or gain during their journeys.
watch their videos, explore their websites, and be inspired to do what you’re passionate about or feel called to, regardless of whether or not its something considered out there or not normal. so many people conform to the norms of society because that’s all they know or because they are afraid to do otherwise. it’s absolutely possible to live an alternate lifestyle and really enjoy doing it. it can open a whole new world to you and might just be much simpler than you imagine once you get going. you can often do so much more with less. start to let go of what no longer serves you. lately i’ve been selling a few things and getting rid of old stuff, and it feels so liberating to clear up that space and make room (not just physically but also in energy and attention) for what i do want to create in my life. part of me has even thought about selling my condo. i’ve thought a little more about getting my own land and building a sustainable or earth-friendly home, or getting a van or another truck and going traveling or even living nomadically (especially if i meet a nice, sweet, pretty girl who’d like to join me on the journey).
anyhow, i’ll stop writing before i end up rambling more. enjoy the videos, be inspired, and do what you love (or simply be)!www.exploringalternatives.ca www.wheresmyofficenow.com www.idletheorybus.com
facing the frustrations. so, where to even begin? i was feeling a lot of different things earlier today. some things such as not wanting to deal with having to figure out a new phone carrier as my friend is cancelling the plan i was a part of.. and things like that trigger other emotions related to him and others, such as feeling that i’ve been taken advantage of by not getting paid fairly for all the work i’ve done for […]
today i experienced a few nice miracles.. after trying to sell my old laptop for over half a year, i finally got an offer i accepted a few days ago. i hadn’t received payment and was still a little skeptical i would actually sell it, though i got a message late this morning that he’d be sending payment soon. it was perfect timing as i had a few other things i had sold that i was about ready to ship and was going to be meeting my sister shortly at my parent’s house to work on her computer that i was helping her sell. i wasn’t sure if i was going to make it in time though to the local ups store as the mail pickup was going to be right around the time i’d be receiving payment if i waited too long. i went over to my folks’ house and brought the boxes with me. after experiencing some issues with the cheap packing tape not working properly in the tape holder (and breaking into small pieces) as i attempted to seal the boxes, i got everything packed up and ready to go. i went online to check if i had received payment for my computer and saw the funds had arrived. as i was on the computer i heard my mom or sister say that the mailman had just passed by. i grabbed the boxes and ran outside to see if i could catch him to give him the packages. carrying a few boxes, i didn’t want to run and as i was halfway towards him i figured i might not catch up (or it’d be a good ways until i did), so i turned back and headed towards the house and waited a few minutes for him to come back down the other side of the street. i gave him the boxes and didn’t have to worry about missing the pick-up time at the ups store or making a longer trip over to the post office.
back at the computer, i prepared the package for my old laptop that had sold and worked on my sister’s computer. i also saw that i had received an unexpected offer for something else. i don’t recall if this was before i ran out to give the boxes to the mailman or after. i had written back asking to split the difference between the offer and what i was asking, and didn’t necessarily expect it to sell at that price as most times i’ve done that, i haven’t heard back or have received another lower offer. though when i first noticed i had an offer, i figured i should respond to it then rather than wait so i could print out the label for it if it did sell. i also saw that i had gotten another payment for one of the small things that i was waiting payment for. this morning when i woke up i hadn’t received most of the payments and figured i’d have to be making multiple trips to drop everything off as i got paid. shortly after i sent the offer back, i noticed a new message and saw that it said i had received payment for what i had just sent the offer back for. it was exciting to see all of these things selling and funds coming my way. i’m now only waiting on one more small payment (and payment for whatever else unexpectedly sells). the pile i have of stuff to sell is so much smaller now than it was not long ago. i had sold a few smaller things not long ago after i got back from chicago and hadn’t transferred those funds over yet. i was waiting for a little more to sell before doing so. it was nice to unexpectedly get the offer today as i was working on preparing the things that had sold, so i could transfer all of those funds at once rather than wait until i sold more a little later. between what i just sold this weekend and the bit i had sold in recent weeks, i received more than i have most months this year working for my friend. now by no means is this a lot of money (as i’ve been paid very little by my friend this year), though i’m very grateful for the abundance that does flow into my life (especially when it’s a nice unexpected surprise). the most exciting part of this is that as soon as the funds transfer i will have met the first part of a financial goal i’ve had for a long time. i’ll now have enough in my accounts to be able to pay back all of my debts if i want to. though i won’t do so just yet as i don’t want to be left with nothing in my accounts. i’ll keep a backup and as i continue to receive extra funds that i could save, i can now put those funds towards paying down the debts and then towards my next adventure, whatever that might be.
i did end up having to make a trip to the post office to drop off the unexpected package that had sold, though didn’t mind doing so. i saw dark clouds on the way there and on the way back, though i made it into my condo just before the rain started. i saw a few drops on my windshield as i was almost home and i think i felt one drop as i was walking in. when i got inside, i went to the bathroom for a minute or two, and then i looked out the window and saw that the rain was coming down. and i had a couple obstacles that delayed me a little bit too. i was behind someone for a little bit who’s car must’ve been having issues as she got out to look under the hood or at something in the front. i had thought for a brief moment if i should stop and help or ask if she was okay or needed a push though i was on a business call at the time. less than a minute later as cars were going around me, i saw the lady getting back in the car and driving off. a few minutes later when i got over to the ups store to drop off the computer, i was going to park right in front of the store though saw a sherrif’s office vehicle parked a couple stores up and figured i probably shouldn’t stop in the fire lane even if for less than a minute, so i took a little extra time to go into a parking spot and turn off the car and run into the store. in the store, the first computer the guy was on wasn’t working. and when he went over to another one, it seemed like that was also having an issue or perhaps he was expecting an issue. i quietly changed my energy slightly to be at peace and the computer was working seconds later. i got the receipt and headed home before the rain.
i had woken up earlier than usual this morning as i had gone to sleep early last night while waiting for some parts of a time-lapse video i’m working on to render. i didn’t feel like working on it when i woke up after passing out last night so only checked on it briefly and then went back to sleep. i had had issues with some of the files not rendering properly due to some bug in photoshop. i was a bit frustrated and didn’t want to deal with checking all the frames one at a time when i had woken up in the middle of the night. this morning when i woke up, i found that every single frame had rendered correctly overnight. (and this was after all of them except three rendered incorrectly yesterday) being up early, i was hearing a little noise from the neighbor so i thought i’d put something on to listen to. i had seem some long meditation mantra recordings on my screen, and decided to pick one of those. the one i picked was a powerful wealth mantra. i listened to it for the entire 3 hours and 3 minutes. i even had it on really low in the background as i was making a call to the car insurance company to see if i could get a discount as my renewal was coming up. they didn’t offer my anything right then though told me about a program that could give me a nice discount later on. and i also got some quotes that were quite reasonable for a truck or van i’d been considering. perhaps listening to this mantra helped that unexpected sale come in and helped the payment of my laptop arrive too. i’m grateful and excited for all the abundance that flows into my life and for new doors that are opening for me. and for letting go of what no longer serves me and seeing these old things disappear (be it the things i’m selling, the old emotions or thinking or stories i’m accepting or letting go of, or these old videos that i’m very quickly working through this month). i look forward for what continues to unfold as i continue to let go and learn to surrender to the moment and flow with life.
it’s nice that the last couple years when i’ve gone up to chicagoland in november, that i’ve felt like seeing snow and have had the first snow of the season show up during the week or so i’ve been in town. as you can see in the video, the morning commute in and evening commute out of the city weren’t exactly the most pleasant. it’s hard to fathom why so many people put themselves through that every single day, especially with the long winters up there. i was a bit upset that my friend didn’t pay me for the time i was up there evaluating a new business opportunity for him (and he never got me any work out of it), though i’m grateful i don’t have to be dealing with that sort of traffic on an everyday basis. i enjoy the long commute i have from one bedroom to the other :) i’m also grateful that i got invited to multiple thanksgiving dinners while i was in town. it was really nice to spend time with different friends while i was in town in the cold winter.
[2014.10-2014.11] testing gopro hero4 silver night lapse mode versus canon 5d and sony nex-5n cameras
here are the details (and order) of the cameras and exposure settings used for the star-lapse shots in this video:
2014.10.25 Crystal Beach
– Canon 5D with Sigma 12-24mm Lens, 30 sec @ f/4.5, ISO 3200, zoom at 12mm
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
2014.10.27 R.E. Olds Park, Oldsmar
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 5 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
(followed by walking + driving at same 5 second exposure)
2014.11.02 Crystal Beach
– Canon 5D with Sigma 12-24mm Lens, 30 sec @ f/4.5, ISO 3200, zoom at 12mm
– Sony NEX-5N with Sony 16mm Pancake Lens with VCL-ECU1 Ultra Wide 0.75x Converter, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 1600
– Canon 5D with Sigma 8mm Circular Fisheye Lens, 30 sec @ f/3.5, ISO 3200
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
2014.11.03 Indian Rocks Beach
– Canon 5D with Sigma 12-24mm Lens, 30 sec @ f/4.5, ISO 3200, zoom at 12mm
– Canon 5D with Sigma 12-24mm Lens, 30 sec @ f/4.5, ISO 1600, zoom at 12mm
– Canon 5D with Sigma 8mm Circular Fisheye Lens, 30 sec @ f/3.5, ISO 1600
– Sony NEX-5N with Sony 16mm Pancake Lens with VCL-ECU1 Ultra Wide 0.75x Converter, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
2014.11.04 Trinity (car on unfinished street)
– Canon 5D with Sigma 12-24mm Lens, 30 sec @ f/4.5, ISO 1600, zoom at 12mm
– Canon 5D with Sigma 8mm Circular Fisheye Lens, 30 sec @ f/3.5, ISO 1600
– Sony NEX-5N with Sony 16mm Pancake Lens with VCL-ECU1 Ultra Wide 0.75x Converter, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 400
– GoPro Hero4 Silver, 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
2014.11.07 Crystal Beach
– Canon 5D with Canon 35/2 Lens, 30 sec @ f/2, ISO 800
– Canon 5D with Canon 35/2 Lens, 30 sec @ f/2, ISO 400
– Sony NEX-5N with Nikon 20/2.8 Lens (via LensBaby Tilt Transformer adapter), 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 1600
– Sony NEX-5N with Nikon 20/2.8 Lens (via LensBaby Tilt Transformer adapter), 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 800
2014.11.09 Crystal Beach
– Canon 5D with Canon 35/2 Lens, 30 sec @ f/2, ISO 1600
– Sony NEX-5N with Nikon 20/2.8 Lens (via LensBaby Tilt Transformer adapter), 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 3200
2014.11.10 Clearwater Beach
– Canon 5D with Canon 35/2 Lens, 30 sec @ f/2, ISO 800
– Sony NEX-5N with Nikon 20/2.8 Lens (via LensBaby Tilt Transformer adapter), 30 sec @ f/2.8, ISO 1600
i shot these over a year and a half ago so i don’t remember all the exact details.. (and i didn’t include details above for all of the few frames / quick shots between the longer starlapse shots.. this isn’t meant to be the most scientific test as i have made some quick adjustments to the images in lightroom too) i think i first started these tests to explore how well the new gopro camera would perform with its nightlapse mode compared to my then current setup for ultra-wide angle night shots with the 12-24mm lens. (all the gopro shots have been ‘defished’ in lightroom as this is how i would process them and this could possibly replace the 12-24mm setup) i think i was thinking that when i travel, it’d be neat to be able to shoot everything with the gopro camera rather than have to bring multiple camera systems (especially as the gopro can be charged and run off of usb power, and the life on the road videos i was working on back then were taking a very long time to edit having been shot with multiple cameras). then i probably became curious as to how the 5d setup would compare to the nex-5n for night shots, and also tried the 5d with the 8mm lens as depending on how that looked, i could sell the 12-24mm and begin to reduce the amount of gear i had if i were to defish the circular fisheye image (which i didn’t do in this video) and effectively use that as an ultra-wide angle lens. after doing these tests, i decided to compare the 35/2 and the 20/2.8 with both cameras as these would give a similar field of view with the full frame vs cropped aps-c size sensor.
a few weeks later, after seeing that i don’t necessarily need all of this gear that i had to make certain shots, i sold most of my canon gear except i kept one 5d body with the 8mm lens as i could still use this with a custom rig i had to create little planet images and time-lapses (i had the first ricoh theta camera back then though the quality was nowhere near what my custom setup could do and it couldn’t shoot at night). nearly a year later, toward the end of the summer of 2015, i ended up selling the whole 360 degree rig, including the camera, lens, motor, custom head, and tripod mounting components. it was nice to get rid of so much extra weight that was just sitting here taking up space. i can’t remember the last time i had used the rig and shot something before that. the last time i used the 8mm was to shoot these tests and i only used the 5d one other time after the tests to shoot a few pinhole images. shortly after selling the gear for the 360 degree rig, ricoh announced the latest theta s camera that would be able to shoot night shots. gotta love divine guidance! :) perfect timing on selling the gear. the theta s camera is so, so much simpler to use than my old setup. my old setup could’ve gotten some more detail but the tradeoff for being able to use a camera that weighs next to nothing and fits in my pocket versus having to lug around many pounds of gear plus large and heavy tripods or stands to mount it is definitely worth it. i can shoot so many more images having less gear to carry, and i can go much further with less and mount a smaller camera in many more unique places. to be able to shoot a single elevated 360×180 degree image, i’d be looking at 45-50 lbs of gear i’d have to carry with the old rig compared to less than 2 lbs with the new setup (and i can hold the new pole i use above my head for a higher vantage point than the large light stand i used to lug around). simplify your gear. (and your life) it takes away the burden so you can focus your time and energy on creating images and embracing the moment rather than carrying and keeping track of things.
[2016.07.06] miracles, opening up, authenticity, etc
i experienced some miracles today.. both little ones such as just making it to my car a minute before it started raining, and more important ones such as the whole experience at the satsang at the flowering heart center tonight that was exactly what i needed. i was a little hesitant to share in the beginning when it was starting though the conversation starting going about things related to companionship, loneliness, connecting with others, personalities, etc, etc. near the end Suzanne asked me if i wanted to share when there was a pause as i was still a little slow to say something (though i was feeling i did want to say something at different points during the conversation), and i shared some of what i was going through or struggling with related to connecting with others. i felt a little nervous at first when i first started speaking in front of the group and sharing though i was fine shortly into it and was able to share a couple other pieces after as others responded. it was really beautiful and a miracle that the whole satsang was exactly what i needed to hear without me even asking for it directly. thank you everyone for your sharing and presence! i recorded an audio of myself speaking a bit about this (amongst some other rambling). it’s funny as last night i was just thinking and feeling like recording an audio program where i was just being funny or opening up more, taking on one of the personalities or voices that i used to have fun with a lot, though i didn’t [and it sounds like a bit of this voice started to come out in the beginning of the recording tonight]. it was really perfect how everything unfolded at the satsang tonight and i’m grateful for the experience and for continuing to open up and accept myself as i am and allow my self to express myself in different ways, authentically and enjoyably.
bringing the darkness to light sometimes we must face what’s going on deep down inside in order to heal. often we may resist doing this as there are parts of ourselves we don’t want to see nor admit are still there. the mind can become very good at distracting itself from what is there or putting its attention into doing something else when a bit of the unpleasant feeling arises. though it’s up to us to decide to face the […]
for the past couple/few weeks, since i started looking for miracles to share with others, i’ve been noticing little ones almost every day.
this morning i was riding my bike to john chestnut park and had remembered hearing about a kai chi do gathering that was happening there. Kam had written me a few weeks or couple months ago and mentioned it, though i forgot what time he said it was and i didn’t look up if it was still happening or not. i figured it might still be happening, and if it was, i’d join them. i biked in through one of the side entrances and thought maybe it’d be in the big field though i didn’t see anyone there. i biked around the front and as i made my around to head towards the back of the park, i started noticing the signs for it. i then thought maybe it’d over by the little sandy area. as i went around to the very back toward that spot by the lake, i saw another sign though didn’t see a big group anywhere. i looked out in the distance through the trees and noticed a couple/few people and felt that must be it. i circled back around and as i got closer, i heard music playing and then Austin recognized me. Sandra didn’t recognize me at first and later said that my energy had changed. it’s amazing and beautiful to see others notice my energy changing. i didn’t feel a huge difference in myself, though it’s been many months since i’ve been to kai chi do. all the surrendering, letting go, and blessings these past months must be making quite a difference, even though they’ve only seemed more subtle along the way. i recall it being beautiful and really nice to see positive changes in others i hadn’t seen in a while.
the little miracle is the reminder that embracing all aspects of oneself and continuing on this journey can make quite a difference, especially over time. it really does show up in our lives, even if we don’t notice it as a big ah-ha, peak experience, or awakened state (or if we do notice it and forget about it later). the work we do to face ourselves, to do the inner work, and embrace the what is will show up in our lives.
i’ve been noticing this start to show up in my own life recently in the areas of finance and relationships with others. a couple months ago, i found myself with no income as my friend (my main client) stopped paying me for a couple/few weeks. after, or while, working through some of the emotions, i began to look at what my options were, though was feeling i shouldn’t make any big moves such as selling my condo and living out of a van (as i was thinking of as one possible solution). before all of this, i had volunteered to help at the p&g in chicagoland and didn’t know how i would get there without any income (especially as my friend would usually fly me up at some point in the summer to help with the business). i reached out to a couple of other friends i had done a little work for a while back though hadn’t yet requested payment from, and i also sold some things to bring some income in. after a couple/few weeks of not hearing from my friend who stopped paying me, i got a voicemail and email from him about going up to chicagoland to help with the business, and the day he mentioned me going up was the exact same day as the p&g. it was a miracle that it all worked out in perfect divine order.
in the area of relationships with others, i’ve noticed myself starting to open up more these past couple months. i’ve often been very quiet around groups of people, and have found it difficult to approach others to engage in conversation especially after i’ve been quiet for so long. i’ve noticed myself start to talk to and connect with others a little more easily lately. i’m still working on opening up, though know it will get easier as i continue along this path. it’s really beautiful to connect with others and feel a sense of family or community. i’m also feeling a little more comfortable in sharing what i’m going through with others. it’s always been easy to share something i’m feeling good or excited about — when comfortable, i can easily speak with confidence and passion. however, for the longest time, i’ve resisted sharing my hurts or what i’m really going through or things i don’t like about myself unless i knew someone really well. today after kai chi do, i was speaking with Sandra and shared a little of what i was going through. i had only spoken with her a couple times a long while back, though it felt okay to share how i was feeling. with only four of us at the kai chi do circle and me speaking with her off to the side, it was easier to do. i’m grateful for how the divine is unfolding all these little pieces to help me heal, grow, expand, and live the life i desire.
another little miracle i experienced was yesterday when i met a friend who i hadn’t seen in months and did a tarot card reading. at first i resisted doing the reading as i had only done two of them 10+ years ago and both had very bad outcomes. the first was the night before my girlfriend at the time broke up with me, and the second was just before i found out about a significant financial issue i was facing. (i didn’t expect the first, and knew exactly what the second was when my friends read what the cards meant, though i didn’t tell them what it was when they asked what it might be) as i was just typing the bad outcomes, i realized these are both the same areas that i’ve been seeing improvements in my life with that i just wrote about above. in the relationship area, i’ve seen improvements with connecting with others and making friends, and i know i’ll ultimately see this unfold into a romantic relationship with a girl. in the financial area, i just noticed the other day that the first part of a goal i had of being able to pay back loans/debt isn’t as far off as i recently thought it was. anyhow, back to the tarot card reading. i decided to go ahead and do it after chatting briefly with my friend about it. i knew i’d be able to change it if i didn’t like what the cards said, though for a moment i had resisted the outcome. i looked through the cards and saw there were only two really bad ones in the deck and my friend shuffled them. i focused my thoughts/feelings and picked a few cards, and they were all totally fine. they were all speaking about where i was in the moment with these good changes happening in my life (and in the same areas i just mentioned that previously had bad outcomes). my fear of repeating bad past experiences didn’t happen, and things were turning around in the direction i wanted.
i’m grateful for all the little miracles i continue to see in my life, and for the community and satsang at the flowering heart center in clearwater. i’m glad i started going every week i’ve been in town since the middle/end of last summer. i was going through a lot of resistance at the time, and the flowering heart blessing has certainly helped me heal and open up. since then, i’ve realized a lot of what i was making important or spending my time on didn’t really matter, and i’ve begun to surrender and open my heart to what matters so much more in life: love, connection, fun, and community.
(another little miracle is that i didn’t know how this was all going to come together as i slowly started typing it. after looking at what i wrote, it all seems to have been divinely orchestrated as i see how it all makes sense and is related. i was wondering if i was missing some details or telling too many, and it somehow came through all related as aspects of one larger miracle)
back to miracles.. haven’t typed them up in what seems like a little while, though its probably really only been 2-3 days. time can be funny like that. let’s see which ones i can remember. today i experienced one this morning. my friend was renting a car for me to go drive to a lot of his completed job-sites to photograph the homes. we went to go pick it up and i forget exactly what the guys said there, though maybe they asked if the basic car was okay or something. i mentioned something with a moonroof would be preferable if they had it for the same price. they said they had a ford f150 though it costed more. i said it didn’t really matter, anything would be fine (though i wouldn’t have minded the truck.. it felt like it’d be nice when they said they had it). a couple/few minutes later as they were finishing up the rental process, my friend asked how much more the f150 would be, and they said they could do it for the same price, they just had to clean it quickly. we went with it. i waited a little bit for them to clean it, and off i was.
a nice bonus was that it had navigation built right into the touchscreen in the truck. i didn’t even think of this and was figuring i’d have to use the gps on my phone to get around to all the towns. it was much, much nicer not to have to look at the small screen on my phone or figure out how to rig it where i could see it easily while driving or have to be charging it as using gps all day would’ve drained it. it drove nicely and the seat was comfortable (which was helpful while spending around 8 hours driving today). when i would get to a location, i turned off the truck and punched in the next address into the gps to get it ready before taking the photos. at first, it wasn’t remembering the address when i got back in and turned the truck on which wasn’t as helpful. after a few of them, i clicked it a little different to actually start the navigation while the truck was off and then when i would get back in and turn it back on, it would remember. the key fob worked nicely as i could keep it in my pocket and very easily touch the button on the handle to lock it as i was walking out and it would unlock as i placed my hand on the handle to open it. these thing seem quite simple and are becoming more normal in cars, though i likely wouldn’t have had these features if i just got the standard car instead of the free upgrade to the truck. these saved a lot of time and effort when driving to 27 different locations today. the driving and photographs took longer than expected though it went pretty smoothly. there was some traffic though it wasn’t extremely bad, and i was only stopped once by one of the homeowners/residents (and it only took a few seconds to say why i was taking photos and there was no issue).
the moonroof came in handy for a couple of photos in the city where i needed extra height — i thought of standing on the bed of the truck though stood on the seat or center console and shot a couple of times from there. one of the first buildings in the city had a car blocking the view and as i was leaving to go to the next location, something told me to go back and try standing on the bed of the truck or out the moonroof to get a better angle. as i pulled up and parked across the street from it, i saw someone walking out of the home and into the car. i waited a few seconds and the view was clear. i stood out the moonroof and got a much better shot than i did from standing on the curb a couple/few minutes before. it was perfect timing and divine guidance!
after taking all the photographs for today, i went to the loop and wasn’t really feeling like paying for parking and the thought crossed my mind of finding free parking though i didn’t think too much about it. i got down to the loop and was heading south. i was seeing lots of paid parking. i thought something like maybe down one of the side streets a long walk away i’d find free parking. i was already late and didn’t want to walk too much further. after driving just over a block past where i was going, i turned right and saw some signs saying 15 or 30 minute standing zone. the 30 minute zone ended at 7 though was full of cars, and the 15 minute zone ended at 8 and still had some room available. it was around 7:40 or almost 7:45. i drove around the block to see what else i’d find and went back to that spot not finding anything else. i read the sign more carefully and it didn’t have any indication of what happened after 7 or 8 and there were cars parked after 7 in the 30 minute zone. i drove to go check out one other area i noticed someone pulling out of down the block though it ended up being a no parking zone. i came back around to the 15 minute zone and the empty space was still there waiting for me. i pulled in close to the curb and put the flashers on the truck as it was still a few minutes before 8 and walked off. almost 3 hours later when i was heading back to the truck, the mind had a brief thought of what if there was some issue with a ticket or it being towed. i had sent white light to the truck and asked for no issues when i had left it, though still had the thought. i was pretty sure it’d be fine, though asked the divine again for it to be okay, and surrendered to whatever the outcome would be. i turned the corner and saw some flashing lights and thanked the divine. i had wondered if the truck would start having the lights flashing for so long. i figured it’d be okay as it was only the flashers though when i first got in and pushed the start button it didn’t start, though the seat stared to move into position and the screen came on and all. i pushed the button again to turn it off and then again to start it, and it started that time. there was no traffic and i made it from the loop to lombard very quickly, probably was just half an hour.
it’s really nice when everything flows smoothly. it feels like this happens more and more often the more we strengthen our connection to the divine by releasing blocks or resistance that was previously affecting the connection. another little piece of today that worked out nicely was that i saw a sign for an oasis when heading south on the interstate into the city. there was a sign indicating another oasis was 20 miles ahead. i didn’t know how far away i was from the city. i thought that still might be on my way in since i was pretty far north, only around a mile from the wisconsin border. though i felt that it’d be good to stop at this one. i stopped and wasn’t really expecting a great selection of food, though there happened to be a mediterranean or middle-eastern place that had a veggie falafel wrap. after leaving the oasis, there wasn’t another one on the route the gps took me and the beginning of the traffic was shortly afterwards too. it was all in perfect divine order. also, i hadn’t parked the truck that well and wasn’t leaving much room for the car to the right to get out, though i figured i wasn’t going to be but a couple minutes. after going to the bathroom and taking a couple quick shots for a time-lapse video out the oasis windows, i saw the falafel place and it didn’t take that long. when i got back to the truck, the car next to me was still there. i saw someone ahead of me walking in that direction though they kept going further back to the other parking area, so it seems whoever parked there was still inside the oasis and (hopefully) i didn’t affect them by not parking straight in the spot.
it seems life is simply a continuous flow of unfolding miracles when we learn and choose to see it as such.
at my friend’s office, i had set up a bunch of tv screens to act as status screens/boards showing calendars, job statuses, and other data from the custom dashboard system i built for him to run the company. i re-did the technology behind the way they worked and had one screen that had a corrupt memory card. i had tried to fix it yesterday or the day before, though it wasn’t working this morning when i got in. i was trying all sorts of things to get it to work, including using some really old memory cards we still had here and clearing out a card and installing the latest version of the operating system on it. some things had changed in the latest OS and it wasn’t working, so i went back to seeing if one of the old cards would work. i found one that booted though it had the old network settings on it and due to the way it was set up, i wasn’t able to get into it, even with a keyboard physically plugged into it. i came up with a way to hack my way in by modifying a script on the part of the card i had access to via a different computer. i was able to get the latest settings and my newest scripts on it. it seemed to be working though upon rebooting after the update, it was displaying all sorts of error messages.. it appeared that the memory card was corrupted. the cards would sometime get corrupted if the micro computer lost power because the tv was bumped into or the usb power cable was moved by accident. it didn’t make sense that it stopped working on its own this time, as it had rebooted without me physically touching it. i let it sit for a little bit to see what it was doing, and was starting to accept the possibility that i might not be done yet nor have an immediate solution for it (and i was wanting to finish before taking a break). something told me to go unplug the power and plug it back in to restart it. as i was doing so, the thought something along the lines of maybe needing a miracle or it not making sense for it to be the way it was crossed my mind (though i surrendered and wasn’t attached to whether it worked or not by that point). i plugged it back in and it just started to boot up normally. now, after a while, it’s still running properly without any other issues.
open yourself up to miracles and you will see them happen and unfold before your eyes. miracles can be a natural and everyday occurrence if we allow them to be. believe its possible and you’ll experience it. sometimes for me its been more difficult to believe it in the world of technology as i have a lot of experience and knowledge in technology, though allowing for the possibility of a miracle creates the space in which it can occur. this reminds me of when Queenie put the Sri Murti on the computers and mixer at the P&G to keep everything running smoothly, or when i was copying the weekend video from an external hard drive to the laptop.. the file transfer had stopped a couple of times for no apparent reason and when i put my hands around it and sent it energy or white light, it started working again.
it’s really amazing and inspiring how simply miracles can happen when we’re open to them. we don’t even need any big ritual or anything.. just know its possible, or connect with the presence and ask for it, and it will happen. often the mind wants to make things difficult in life by thinking it needs to struggle or try hard to make something happen. life can be much more effortless when we allow for help from the divine. we don’t have to do everything ourselves. miracles can be a very natural part of life. and it doesn’t have to make sense how something strange happened.
monday i went to the store with my friend to help him carry a large toolchest he was purchasing. he had paid and we were waiting for them to get a forklift to take it off the shelves. it had been a little while and we were walking around the store looking at other things. something brought us down to one of the end aisles. after looking at something there, we walked a few feet and right there on one of the flat carts was the toolchest waiting for us. no one had come to find us to tell us it was ready and we didn’t hear the forklift running. it seemed a bit strange at the moment.. perhaps they got it from somewhere else or something, though it didn’t really matter. we were ready to go and it was there waiting for us. the cashier saw us coming towards the exit and told us we were all set and we left.
on saturday afternoon, after i was helping my friend move for a couple of days, i took a shower and it was a miracle that i really wasn’t feeling sore (nor really tired) afterwards. i had woken up that morning feeling a bit sore though at dinner afterwards i realized it was gone and i wasn’t feeling it at all.
simple miracles can happen every day. look for them and you’ll continue to find them.
this weekend at the p&g we were encouraged to share miracles with others. tonight at the flowering heart center in downer’s grove, we each shared a miracle we experienced today or recently. i wasn’t sure about sharing the little miracle i experienced but after i did others seemed to be inspired by it, so i’ve recorded more of the details here. it’s probably a little bit scatterred as i tried to remember exactly what happened. it’s funny how the details can get lost later compared to when we’re living and feeling and experiencing it in the moment.
in the audio recording, i forgot to say that after i made it back to my friend’s office, i got back right at the very same time someone who worked for him was at the office. i had connected with him on the phone a few weeks ago sharing some spiritual perspectives and we had a good conversation. today when we both ‘randomly’ showed up at the same time, he was surprised to see me there, not knowing i was going to be in town. i also found out he no longer worked for my friend. he said he was interested in going to the flowering heart center and couldn’t make it tonight but said he could go wednesday and meet beforehand. we may have never seen each other during the few weeks i’m up here if the divine hadn’t worked out everything for us to both show up there at the same exact time.
i also forgot to mention that when i did hit the gas to start the van, it didn’t idle and stalled right away. the next time we got it started, i had to hold the gas pedal down for a couple minutes just to keep it running. it wasn’t looking too good for the van being able to go anywhere, though the divine wanted it to all work out and it did. sometimes we just gotta let go, surrender, and trust that a higher power is orchestrating all of the pieces and know that it’s all in perfect, divine order. it was beautiful to hear the miracles that others in the community had experienced.
felt like speaking a bit about surrendering today.. not sure i said everything i wanted to though it was good to record another audio again. it was a bit of a surrendering process to decide to do so and not think too much about it and just allow it to happen. i also wanted to speak a bit about not knowing exactly where i’m going or what i’ll be doing in the near future, though it feels okay. i’m surrendering and trusting and knowing that whatever is right will unfold. i have a few ideas though i’m not getting too attached to exactly what it needs to be. i know it is all going to work out. and i don’t need to know all the details. when i haven’t known exactly what to do, the idea has come to me to work more on letting go.. to make room for whatever is to come next. the old zen or tao perspective comes to mind “when the cup is full, stop pouring”. we’ve got to let go and release what no longer serves us in order to make room for what we do want. if you want something to happen in your life, don’t struggle trying to make it happen or get caught up feeling it needs to or must happen. surrender to the moment instead. if you feel you must do something, put your energy into getting rid of old things, opening yourself up to new perspective, letting go of old beliefs, etc, etc. anyhow, enjoy the audio recording. hope you find it helpful or inspirational and you begin to open yourself up to the greatest aspect of yourself (but surrender the need to do so).
november 2015 time-lapses: experiments walking with an extension pole on a wheel, infrared, flying, etc
Brooker Creek Preserve
Cooper’s Bayou Park
Courtney Campbell Causeway
Fred Howard Park
John Chestnut Senior Park
Lansbrook Lakefront Park
Pop Stansell Park
R.E. Olds Park
The Dunedin Youth Guild Park
Veterans Memorial Marina Park
The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible – Charles Eisenstein
Capitalism is Just a Story
Crossroads: Labor Pains of a New Worldview | FULL MOVIE
Occupy Wall St – The Revolution Is Love w Charles Eisenstein
The Choice is Ours (2016) Official Full Version
How We Live: A Journey Towards a Just Transition
The One Simple Truth We All Need to Know
Sacred Economics traces the history of money from ancient gift economies to modern capitalism, revealing how the money system has contributed to alienation, competition, and scarcity, destroyed community, and necessitated endless growth.
Today, these trends have reached their extreme – but in the wake of their collapse, we may find great opportunity to transition to a more connected, ecological, and sustainable way of being.
don’t get caught up in all the details. simply follow your bliss. it will take you where you are meant to go
HUMAN, a film by Yann Arthus-Bertrand.
Film selected at the Venice Film Festival
5 years after the success of ‘Home’, seen by more than 600 million people, and following the ‘7 billion Others’ project, Yann Arthus-Bertrand designed this film as a unique feature film. The interviews of men and women telling their stories facing the camera will be the single focus of HUMAN.
here’s a playlist with all 3 parts: www.filmsforaction.org/watch/human
and direct links to each part:
reality is only as real or true as you make it or allow it to be. and truth can change quite profoundly if you’re open to such change. it can change so much that what you once believed to be the core foundation of your truth becomes a complete lie after you experience such a drastic change in your perception.
looks like its time to dive into whatever it is i’m feeling again. i was laying in bed for quite a while, it was another night i didn’t sleep that well. i’ve been sleeping pretty well most of this month, though a few weeks ago i did have some times of not sleeping that i wrote about. it was related to wanting to ask a girl out and failing to do so. i saw her again last night and didn’t get to connect with her. i ended up talking with another friend whom i hadn’t seen in a while which was nice. though i didn’t really get to talk to the girl i wanted to talk to. she was talking with a couple others in conversation and i didn’t make my way over there as i was talking with a few others. i did hug her and say it was nice to see her as she was leaving, and i did feel a little of her energy and a connection earlier. as i was just laying in bed, a few things were coming to me of what i was facing and going through. these were things related to the issues i’ve experienced in connecting with others. it’s been easy for me to connect with someone whom i already know, or know is unavailable, or someone i’m not interested in. though when it’s a nice girl in her 20s or 30s, some resistance shows up. or i don’t even feel the resistance and i just don’t know what to say. or i’m in the midst of whatever i was in and she shows up unexpectedly and i don’t really engage or connect with her as i was focused on whatever it was that i was doing (like grocery shopping if i run into someone there.. i think i also have some sort of resistance about connecting with a girl while she’s working as i don’t want to bother her or be the guy hitting on the waitress so to speak). mostly i see this all comes down to vulnerability. there’s a part of me that’s resisting connecting with a girl, a part of me that’s afraid, as i know if i do, my life could change quite drastically. it’s not that i don’t want change, as i’ve been wanting to have an amazing relationship with a girl for a long time. though perhaps part of me does enjoy certain aspects of my life now. though that’s not really it either. it feels like it’s that i know i could easily fall in love if i open my heart to someone. and although i do want to fall in love and have a great relationship with a girlfriend, there’s something there blocking it. it feels like perhaps its not being able to decide exactly who it is that i want, or not being able to decide all the aspects of what i want in a relationship or what it’ll look like. though that’s not really it. what it feels like it really is, that all of these struggles with connecting with others is, is that i’ve been hurt in the past when i’ve opened my heart. and in different ways. part of me wants to have a beautiful community and feel like family, and i had a group of friends that i really had a lot of fun with a long time ago though there was an issue/drama between a couple of them and that ended up splitting up the group. i was also going in my own direction at the time and saw that a lot of them were not the best influence. and when i went to the avatar course, i felt really close to a lot of my friends there and we felt like family, especially when a number of us were staying together for a couple weeks at a timeshare condo for the wizard course. when we got close to the end of the course i began to feel the pain and hurt knowing we were all leaving soon and going to different parts of the country and world, and might not see each other for a long time (or in some cases ever again). it really hurt to get to feel so close to others and then to have that all of a sudden gone. i guess this must be what it feels like when someone loses someone they love when they transition at death. it must be a similar feeling. something else is coming up in this moment.. i’ve never really felt that sort of loss with someone passing as those that i’ve known that have passed i haven’t been that close to. but i’ve felt these deep losses with losing friends or girlfriends when relationships have ended. and i’ve never known what really to say to someone else when they’ve experienced someone they’ve loved passing away. there were a couple other things i want to say though they’re not there at this moment… ah, yes, another part of it that i was remember was that when i had an amazing transformational experience at the avatar course several years ago, i remember more easily connecting with others and feeling in a higher place than i feel i’ve been the past couple years.. i remember feeling really connected to others i’d meet, and like i would easily fall in love with girls i’d meet as i’d have an open heart. i think this also relates to the decision aspect. perhaps i feel or think i need to decide what i want in a relationship first so i can use some discernment ahead of time. otherwise, if i have an open heart, i may just fall in love with the first person i meet and connect with when my heart is open. looking at that, that might not be a bad thing, as the divine could be placing the exact person i need to meet and connect with and fall in love with right there for me. perhaps i don’t need to be thinking about this so much and just open my heart. though i remember a few years back, a friend i met at the avatar course told me not to fall in love so easily when he saw how i felt about the girls i would meet. i remember hugging a friend goodbye at the end of the wizard course who didn’t stay with the group/family at the condo, though we or i saw her fairly often during the courses and when i knew she was leaving to go overseas, i really felt the pain/hurt/upset as i was hugging her when she was leaving, and she felt it too as i think i was shaking a bit as i was embracing her. i feel for a lot of or most of my life i’ve been really sensitive, and when i’ve been hurt or felt i’ve needed to control or avoid the possibility of being hurt, i would close up (and this is in other ways too, like in needing to make sure i don’t be too spontaneous and spend lots of money when i only have a limited amount coming in, as i know i can easily be sponatenous and spend a lot when i fall in love with someone or am living with an open heart). i feel these issues are related to trust. as i’ve been hurt in the past, i feel that i’ve had to live from the mind or not open my heart up as i can’t trust it’s going to work out.. it’s like i’ve got to make absolutely sure everything is going to work out as i want it to in order for it to. so now as i face issues such as having to pay for a condo and car and all the related expenses (and not wanting to lose everything i’ve put into it so far), and i haven’t been getting paid as much as i was before, i end up in a struggle and feel i can’t fully enjoy life until i know all of this is taken care of and there’s nothing to worry about. as i find myself sitting here for so long and not doing the things i want to be doing in life, or even if i’m doing some things i enjoy like going to parks and photographing, as i find myself not fully embracing the moment and really enjoying or experiencing life or simply relaxing, i start to look for external solutions to fix this, as the things i’m not liking are in the external world. so for example, i see that living in this condo isn’t perfect.. yes there are some aspects that are good about it, though there are some things i’d prefer different.. as such, i start to look for other options. i start to chase after solutions that don’t exist. like finding inexpensive land to build a home or live out of an rv or camper around here. and in the areas i want to be, land is pretty expensive. then the thought of traveling or living out of a van comes to mind. which could be fun, though would this simply be a distraction to try to solve the real issue of opening my heart.. sometimes i feel these external things could solve the issue, as i know i could relax if i had less to worry about or if the things in the external world were going the way i wanted them to. and if i could relax, i could naturally open my heart. but then i wonder if this whole cycle would simply repeat itself in a different way. when i earned a good amount of money the year after i took the avatar course, i got a truck camper and didn’t really think it all out. i was looking for an inexpensive rv option and was leaning towards the truck camper for the versatility and it was the least expensive way to get into an rv. though when i traveled the country in it, i sometimes or often found it difficult to find places to park at night where i wouldn’t be seen or disturbed, especially when i wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere or in a national park or forest or something. after looking at some options, the one i picked felt right and i went with it. perhaps it was right for what i needed to experience, but was it really right.. if that’s the feeling i trusted and went with and it didn’t all go exactly as i planned, how do or can we trust feelings.. i know things change and can change quite quickly after embarking on a spiritual journey, and i enjoy some change, though i also would like some degree of permanance. like in a home, i’d like a place i can always come back to and know it’s there, and not have to go through all the effort of figuring out where to live nor having to throw money away on renting something, etc, etc. but now that i have my own home and i have to struggle to pay for it and i don’t even like it fully, i wonder if that even matters. anyhow, that’s another tangent. going back to trust, i can see many years ago, before this whole spiritual journey, or at least before choosing to go on it and learning more about spirituality, i lived more wrecklessly, following my feelings, and i got hurt in different ways. i suppose i wasn’t really that wreckless, though i’m not sure exactly what it is about it.. perhaps i felt that i wasn’t really going anywhere in life and i was just having fun and now i need to be more responsible to have my own home and such… i know i had my heart broken multiple times, and i think i’ve been feeling that i need to take care of all of the things in my life that had previously led to a failed relationship so i can make it work this time. and i feel there’s so much to do. as i take care of some things, i see it getting easier and the space opening up, though perhaps i’m seeking perfection too much. i know it’s been amazing when i’ve fallen in love and have felt like its just been a long honeymoon, though when something didn’t work out, like we didn’t have money or didn’t fully open up to share what we were feeling or struggling with, or whatnot, things fell apart. i think another thing i’m facing is that i know i want to continue to grow and expand on this spiritual journey, and continue to increase my awareness, though i don’t know if i would want to once in i’m a relationship or if i’d be able to do both. i know i could find someone else on a similar journey or someone who’s open to this, though i see so many people out there that are in much different places in their lives, and interested in very different things. i think to a degree this all comes back to the decision aspect, and not knowing what to decide. perhaps its also thinking i need to decide, that i can’t have both. this reminds me that i can have both. i can create a life that has everything i desire. though i mustn’t get too caught up in the seeking perfection aspect of it and just allow it. though at the same time, i think i would be quite happy just having a loving relationship and not feel the need to expand my awareness as far. part of me just wants to enjoy life. perhaps i just need to surrender and open my heart. though i also feel in this need to surrender, that as i let go of different aspects of who i am, then i find myself not knowing who i am. and it becomes more difficult to relate to or connect with others, as i feel it’s already been difficult as i don’t have a lot of the same interests or experiences in life as a lot of other people. perhaps it’s only as i’m looking at the shallow aspects of what each of us like, and i ought to connect with someone more deeply. but then that goes back to opening my heart and being vulnerable. so i’m not sure where i’m going with all this. it seems to be going in a loop. i guess this is what it’s like to be stuck. i’ve seen this before with various aspects of life. i suppose i could just choose an exit point and leave this loop. i can change whatever it is i want, though must decide what to change. i feel as i free up space by exploring this and getting this out there, it becomes easier to naturally feel what it is i do want. as i let go of what no longer serves me, it gets easier to open my heart and allow what can serve me. i always feel i need to end on a positive note like that. like i need to find a way out. it doesn’t always have to be like that. this is really just me exploring some of the issues i’m facing. i may find solutions though i need not force them. i know i’m on the right path, though still don’t have all the answers. i suppose i just gotta ask for divine grace to guide me and naturally open my heart, and if that involves healing and letting go, then to open me up to fully experience those feelings and fully release them. i simply want to enjoy my life and have meaningful relationships/friendships with others and have a deep connection with a girl in a loving, committed relationship. i want to feel alive and love my life and let my light shine brilliantly.
[2016.01] more time-lapse experiments: walking in infrared, elevated 360 degree little planets, gopro long exposures, etc
(using a real camera would’ve helped this look much better!)
gotta love the energy and the feeling and the letting go… also the repeating numbers, i remember seeing this happening when i was feeling excited recording some of my audio programs last year.. the length of this audio when i hit stop was just under 20 min 18 sec, the time was 1:18, and the file size was 10,111,411 bytes! i love the divine wink (as one of my friends put it)
sometimes i have to just remember to go looking for the miracles. last night after the satsang, Elena asked me what my miracle for the day was. at first i didn’t think i had any nor remembered any. i was thinking my day had been pretty simple and fairly unexciting or even boring. then a moment later, after she said they would come to me, i remembered that at the beginning of the meditation i was sitting in a little bit of a charge/emotion/thought, and during the meditation, and as the satsang began, it dissolved and was completely gone shortly later. Michael shared with us a reminder of why we were there as Andrea’s mom was there for the first time and he was explaining what the satsang was about. i don’t remember all the details though he spoke about the awakening of consciousness and how enough of us awakening will impact the collective consciousness globally. i remembered my purpose of seeing/experiencing/participating in this shift, and the thought or little upset i had related to a personal desire had faded away. i knew everything was in divine order and was reminded that we already crossed the threshold of what is needed to cause a planetary shift in consciousness. the beautiful world we all desire is being created, despite any of our suffering, personally or collectively. we are all healing, expanding, and evolving.
towards the end of the satsang, Michael asked me if i wanted to share my experience at the P&G in Chicagoland. i was a little nervous, being put on the spot and unprepared as with what to say. it was a month ago and i didn’t remember all the details of what happened and felt i couldn’t share an accurate report of it. somehow i managed to share some of what i did remember and although i may have missed some details, i think it flowed through fairly cohesively. as i was trying to remember what happened both days, i naturally asked Louis, as he had been to the one in Orlando, and he shared some of his experience. after he shared what he got out of it, i shared a little bit about the miracles i had started to see everyday since they told us to start sharing miracles. by this point i was feeling more at ease in speaking to the whole group though still didn’t want to get carried away in all of the details and go on for a long time, so only shared a little bit of what i’d experienced. Suzanne or Michael mentioned the facebook page i set up for us to share miracles, and i shared a little bit about that. it felt good to be able to speak for a few minutes in front of everyone. although i feel it could’ve flowed better, it seems like it went pretty well and was what i needed. i’m grateful for the opportunity to continue to grow and practice speaking in a group.
due to things i’ve experienced in the past, it’s always been much easier for me to connect one on one with someone (though usually only after they’ve initiated the conversation or i’ve really known them). in groups, small or large, i usually would just observe the conversation flow back and forth between everyone, and although things i could share would sometimes come to me, i’d often be too slow to jump in and share them. and i’d resist going off on a tangent or an aside to speak or connect directly with someone in the group. this is something i saw myself once again fail to do last week after the satsang, though last night i saw myself asking Suzanne about an experience she had briefly mentioned to the group of us there. i’m grateful for being able to become more open and allow myself to connect with others a little more naturally. what i was thinking about or upset over in the beginning was a lost opportunity to connect with someone, and although it showed up in different manners than i was thinking, i see that the divine is providing me a path to open my heart back up to connecting and conversing with others.
perhaps it was also a reminder to just relax and be me, and surrender any expectations of how i think things should look or unfold, and trust and know that the divine is taking me where i need to go. it’s also been a little miracle for me to feel okay in sharing the little nuances of what i’m feeling and going through with others.
experiencing miracles is as simple at looking for them. i’ve noticed on days that i’ve stopped writing about miracles, looking for them, or got caught up in thinking or worrying about something that didn’t serve me, i began to notice more things occur aligned with that sort of energy instead of a positive miracle or flow. the night before last i didn’t sleep so well, waking up anxious or in some thought or emotion that i didn’t like. i barely slept a couple or few hours the whole night and when i got out of bed in the morning, i was still resisting what was there and was feeling tired. thinking i was tired, throughout a lot of the day i felt pretty tired until i took a nap in the afternoon. in the morning, despite being tired, i decided to go for a bike ride to the local park. i hadn’t ridden in about a month and didn’t feel like checking the air in the tires. the tires felt a little low when i was riding it though it still rode okay. this morning when i did check them, they weren’t as low as i had thought or worried they might be. they could use a little more air for better performance but they weren’t gonna get damaged by being too low. biking to the park yesterday was nice. it’s a little warmer and more humid back here in florida though its not as bad as i remember. it was nice to sit by the lake and not have any mosquitos bother me. i came home and cooked a nice breakfast (just in time for lunch). later in the afternoon, after my nap, i drove out to one of my favorite parks on the gulf. on the way to the park, some raindrops began to hit my car. i looked up, out the open moonroof, and saw it was just a small cloud that it was most likely coming from and figured it’d stop soon so i wouldn’t have to close the moonroof. about a minute (or less) later, i was pulling up to a stoplight and the raindrops were totally gone. when i got out to the island, i had left the moonroof open (and the windows cracked). i walked north a bit on the beach and noticed lightning in the not-too-distant dark clouds. a thought crossed my mind about the moonroof being open, though i didn’t worry. i stayed to watch the sun set and made my way back to the car a little bit after it went down. there was no sign of any raindrops where i parked. i did have a few mosquitos in the car and may have gotten a couple bites though this morning i had forgotten about them and i don’t feel them itching. i had stopped at the store on the way home last night to pick up some soap and went looking for a couple groceries. it was nice to notice some yogurts i like were on sale. i had closed the moonroof and windows when i parked as the dark clouds were getting close to where i was at the store, though when i was done shopping, it wasn’t raining (nor hadn’t). i wasn’t really feeling like getting wet going up to my condo with the groceries though accepted i might. on the way up the road home, i smelled the fresh rain that i had just missed. when i got to my condo, it wasn’t raining and i came inside with everything without getting wet.
this morning, i woke up after sleeping better though still feeling a little tired from it being warmer (i hadn’t turned the a/c back down when i got home last night). i woke up about an hour earlier than i thought it was and went on the computer to check a few things. a little after, i started to make some tea and figured i’d go biking after that. it ended up being a little later that i got out, though it was nice to go out to the other local park on the nearby lake. as i was leaving the park, a couple cars were pulling out of the gated neighborhood right there. this was a ‘random’ coincidence as usually that gate is locked and no one is entering or exiting when i go through there, and it’s nice to go bike in to take a different route and explore the little park in there. i wasn’t feeling like going in today though, and felt it would be open another time for me to ride through. i got home and started preparing my breakfast. as i was waiting for my meal to cook, i was wondering about what miracles, if any, had i experienced these past few days. i noticed that it was getting darker outside and realized i may have just missed getting wet biking in the rain this morning. i then remembered i had just missed the rain last night too. i started typing the ideas that came to me. after beginning the first few sentences, i went back to check on the food and ate my breakfast (not quite just in time for lunch, a little bit earlier this time). as i was rinsing off my plate after finishing eating, i noticed the rain pouring down outside.
little miracles happen every day when we’re in tune with them. and when we’re feeling out of tune, or not in the flow, all we have to do is begin to shift our attention back to looking for miracles or being grateful for what is going the way we like. it feels like miracles, gratitude, and flow are all interconnected. as we let go of our resistance to what is and step back into the moment, it can all flow quite beautifully. and even the stuff we’re resisting can flow effortlessly.. it’s only our judgment and perception that we don’t like it that prevents it from flowing. i experienced this the other night as i was stuck judging myself, overthinking, or worrying (and not wanting to be doing so). relaxing and trusting its all in divine order helps everything flow much more smoothly. sometimes we must surrender to something greater than ourselves and know we are being taken care of. perhaps one little thing didn’t work out exactly as we like, though we mustn’t beat ourselves up over it or analyse it or do any of those mind things with it, otherwise it can really affect us. and its really only our mind thinking it didn’t work out, as it very well can and will work out perfectly later. patience and trust go a long way. perhaps more so than perseverance. or its really perseverance, or faith, at a higher level.
it feel like part of this is really an aspect of surrender. as we let go of our attachment to outcome, having faith it will happen perfectly in divine order, we allow for life to unfold, manifest, and flow. i noticed this with my finances the other day. for a while, i’d been resisting having loans/debts, and i stopped receiving income from my main client for a couple/few weeks in april. i didn’t know what i was going to do with my personal life, nor did i know how i was going to get the p&g in the coming weeks, as my main client, a friend, usually flies me up to chicagoland to help him with his business and he had just stopped paying me. a couple/few weeks after i had last spoken with him, i got a voicemail or email from him saying he wanted me to fly up, and the date he mentioned was the exact date of the p&g. it worked out perfectly that i got in a couple days before and stayed for a few weeks to help him with his business. and i’ve still got work to do for him now that i’m back home. i didn’t make a lot of money in my time up there, though upon looking at my accounts when i returned home, i realized that i wasn’t too far off from the first part of the financial goal that had seemed quite distance or unrealizable not too long ago.
i’ve also noticed surrender, and growth (or facing what is there), helping my relationships with others. i was able to make some new connections at the p&g and the flowering heart center in downers grove while i was in chicagoland. and i’m noticing this starting to happen down here too (and part of me in the past had resisted coming back here as i didn’t know as many people in the local communities). the other night at the flowering heart center in clearwater, a friend i had begun to talk to and connect more with in the weeks before leaving said she was glad i was back. i wished i had opened up and connected more though i will do so next week. it’s really nice to connect with others on a similar path. it’s one of the most important and fulfilling aspects of life. part of why i came back to florida after a brief life on the road out west was because i was missing community and a deeper connection with others. though i’ve had some ups and downs and have gotten caught up in the mind at times, i’m starting to see this unfold more quickly now. it’s really nice to find community at both of the flowering heart centers and also to see the visions for both centers expanding. something as simple as the community sharing our miracles has brought us together and created more connections (not too mentioned inspired us and helped us grow). (thanks chris for setting up the facebook group for the downers grove community! i mentioned this to michael and suzanne and will be helping them set one up for the community here)
the real miracle is that i’m becoming more open and allowing myself to connect with others. i’m becoming more okay with sharing what i’m going through and feeling. for a lot of my life, i’ve closed off some aspects of what i was going through (due to past experiences that led me to do so). for a long time, i would only want to share good things for fear of being criticized or judged. i wouldn’t want to mispaint the picture of who i was and this would cause me to be quiet a lot of the time rather than share or open up. when i did connect with someone and got to know someone better, i would open up more and be okay sharing the parts i didn’t like as much. i’m sure this is normal to an extent, though by resisting a part of who we are, we aren’t fully embracing ourselves. and we’re projecting that resisted part of ourselves onto others, and causing further resistance. by fully accepting ourselves (and others), we can create a world full of peace and love. love and connection is really all that matters. to a degree, i’ve chased after external things to bring me happiness and fulfillment though they never did. perhaps for a brief moment though it seemed that moment would get briefer and to the point of it not really doing anything other than causing stress or some burden. yes, i suppose it helped me work through some charges, though i’m glad to have chosen a different path. one of surrender rather than control. one of connection rather than acquisition. one of openness rather than fear. now i’m not saying it’s all perfect and i’m totally there yet. i even see some resistance in typing all the details i’ve been exploring here (like in not wanting to mention that i wanted to ask out the girl who was glad i was back and i failed to do so, despite having journaled about this before). though the miracle is that i’m on this path, and it’s felt good to let go and trust. when i was in chicagoland, i met my friend christine for breakfast last week. it was very inspirational to see how everything has flowed in her life, and how she has moved forward with various aspects without knowing exactly where it was going and it all worked out and flowed smoothly. i was also able to see my own resistance more clearly in part of our conversation (and how the mind was getting in the way). (thanks christine!) faith and trust really do go a long way in allowing ourselves to flow with life.
it’s really inspirational to see when it does all flow so effortlessly. i made a brief connection at the airport just before boarding the flight home. and it almost didn’t happen. i was sitting waiting for groups to start boarding before getting in line. i don’t recall if they had called my group # yet or not though wasn’t feeling like going up just yet. someone nearby asked if the shoes a couple seats over were mine. i said no though maybe they belonged to the guy who got called up for standby a bit ago as he was sitting in that spot. i suggested she inform the person who worked there, though she didn’t respond or seem to want to. i said i’d go tell them. i made my way over there after going around a couple of people who were blocking the way there. i told the guy who worked there and he started to make an announcement. i then walked over to the lines rather than go back to where i was sitting. i asked the person at the back of the line if it was for group 3. she said yes and made a comment about having gone to the other line or something, and i said something about it being the longest line (it was stretching all the way across to the other side of the terminal hallway). a moment later she asked if i was visiting or going back home or something, and we had a nice chat until we parted ways to our seats on the plane. something as simple as a small connection like that wouldn’t have happened if i hadn’t been sitting where i was or the shoes hadn’t been left there or whatnot. there are so many little pieces that come together to create every moment. it’s all divinely orchestrated and unfolded in perfection according to where we are at in that very moment. it’s miraculous and beautiful to notice this flow of life.
it’s also been inspirational to discover more people online sharing their experiences living a nomadic or alternative lifestyle. if i do end up living life on the road at some point, it’s nice to know there is a virtual community out there and i can make connections with others along the journey. while i’ve been back and forth about staying in my condo or living out of a van/camper/rv, i felt called to come back to florida from chicagoland. while i did really like the community up there and its nicer there in the summer than here, i feel i need to be here now. in the past, i’ve often felt i had to make all or nothing decisions. stay or go. and over-think and over-analyse it in the process in attempts to make the best decision. now, i’m feeling i don’t have to be as rash in deciding. i don’t have to let go of everything. i can flow with life and allow it to unfold more effortlessly rather than trying to force everything to happen. i don’t know exactly what all the pieces look like though i do have some visions. i’ve envisioned both having a home here and traveling. or having multiple homes. though its not the things or the space that matters so much anymore, it’s the experience and the connections and the inspiration. i see both flowering heart centers expanding to larger centers or even ashrams, and being able to travel to both and have beautiful loving communities both places. and having a sweet girlfriend who’d enjoy the journey with me, whatever it looks like. life can be as amazing as we allow it to be. we can imagine and create and allow for this experience to be as beautiful as we desire. we don’t need to limit ourselves based upon our past experiences or current situation. it was inspirational to chat with my friend soleo a few weeks ago. he helped me remember we can have it all. after that, we learned about fulfillment at the p&g. its okay to fulfill our desires and create the life we want. and the path of fulfillment can be quicker than the path of renunciation too. all of these aspects of life, as i struggle to remember or look at them as i type all of this, have been a miracle. sometimes the miracle is life itself. all of the pieces are coming together without us even knowing about it. the divine, or the universe, is working behind the scenes to get us to where we’re going. trust, surrender, and allow. it’s all a miracle.
this morning i woke up early and was laying in bed for a while here at the hotel. my friend had mentioned going to go get breakfast one of these mornings and i was waiting to see if he’d call. i tried calling him after a while to plan out when i could go to his house to do laundry as i’m just about out of clean clothes. i was getting an error message while trying to leave a voicemail so figured i’d talk to him later about it. i went downstairs to get oatmeal for breakfast and came back to my room. i was sitting here for a little while not feeling like going to the office just yet as i was there pretty much all day yesterday. i also wanted to hear back from my frined to plan out my day and when i could do laundry at his house. i laid back down in bed thinking maybe i’d listen to an audio program for a little while as i didn’t feel like going to the office just yet. i think i pulled up the weather app on my phone to see how warm it’d be today and in less than a minute, my friend called. he asked if i wanted to go with him today to get out of the office. when i was about to lay back down in bed or as i did (and was feeling like i was at the office all day and not wanting to go), it felt like maybe i was somehow telepathically talking to a part of him, and that part of him picked up on it. i don’t know that he was aware of it at all.. probably the divine just guided him to call me to see if i wanted to go on the road with him today. or he just felt like it. it feels like this is how a lot of this works. we are all guided by our feelings, intuition, etc. it’s how we communicate with the divine and how the divine communicates with us. and when i woke up today i was wondering if i would have a little miracle to share today or not! i wasn’t feeling one at that point though one came to me shortly after. pondering back on a couple of things that happened yesterday, i could see them as miracles too! miracles are everywhere. the divine is everywhere. all we have to do is simply be open to seeing and experiencing it.
everything begins to work out quite smoothly when you begin to look for miracles in life. my friend had told me to be ready soon though i said i needed a little more time and he said to be ready by 10. when i started typing this after getting out of the shower, it was a little before 10 and i got a text message from him at 10 saying he’d be there in 5 minutes. i finished typing the first paragraph and wanted to use the bathroom before leaving though wasn’t sure if i’d have enough time. i went anyway, and just as i was walking out of the hotel, he was pulling up, right about 10:10. it all worked out perfectly. i had wanted to type up the miracle of what had happened and was able to type up the first part this morning before being in the truck with him (where i didn’t have a chance to). also, i had forgotten to charge my camera last night (as i’ve been shooting short clips for a time-lapse project while up here), and i remembered to plug it in this morning. i didn’t know if it had gotten much of a charge in the short time this morning, though i grabbed it anyway and when i turned it on, it was showing full power.
another recent little miracle was that wednesday night when we were sharing miracles, i felt a little nervous or something, though afterwards i was thanked for sharing or told that my message was inspiring or helpful (and more than once). and when i mentioned how i was feeling, they said it came across well without any signs of what i was feeling.
the energy was really powerful last night at the Flowering Heart Center in Downers Grove, especially in the beginning after the chanting or first meditation. i could feel the energy, and felt like i could almost see it, just before and when we were all saying our names and intentions. it was also very beautiful to feel the unconditional love flowing through others when we hugged. the divine presence and energy keeps increasing as we collectively awaken and experience our hearts flowering. part of a mini miracle for me was that i was able to more naturally connect with others, and i started to let go a little when i found myself going downstairs to join the dancing afterwards.
another miracle was that on the way to the Flowering Heart Center i was trying to remember a miracle that had come to me earlier in the day but couldn’t quite remember exactly what it was. i tried to surrender and feel that the divine would remind me or speak through me. as i arrived and was walking up towards the door to go inside, i remembered that i had a USB stick with some files for Kristin that i needed to give her. i realized this was a miracle as earlier in the day before going to my friend’s, i was thinking about leaving my computer in the hotel as i didn’t think i would be using it for the rest of the afternoon. something told me to take it and i did, and i ended up having the USB stick with it so i could bring it to Kristin. i had put a reminder on my phone calendar to bring it but i didn’t even see or hear it go off. the divine was my reminder, gently guiding me through subtle feelings and intuition.
just came across this.. a funny/ridiculous example of how the ego’s need for perfection (and approval) can hinder (or ruin) more meaningful connections..
it’d be much easier to do the aerial shots with a first person live view of what the camera is seeing or with a preprogrammed fly by gps waypoint system that modern quadcopters have.. not having either, i had to guess composition + direction and try to keep track of the tiny white dot in the sky and trust it’d come back :)
some locations include:
Fred Howard Park
Honeymoon Island State Park
Wall Springs Park
so what is it that i really want? i explored a bit of this last night. i want to be free. to live. to enjoy life. to love life. to have no burdens. to not have any debts. to not hold onto what i no longer need. to live a full, beautiful, connected life. i watch these words come out and i think about them and wonder where they are all going. i wonder is this what i really want, all of it? i know most of it is. but then i wonder which of the words come from the mind and which come from the heart. i want to live a balanced life from the heart and also from the mind (when needed). i slowed down as i typed that part. do i really want to have part of my life from the mind? i suppose i’ll keep the mind for when it’s needed but not let myself get caught up in it. i’ll allow myself to use the mind as a tool when i need to think of something or create something.. i watched myself typing that and was then again thinking, is this the mind coming up with this? is this me just regurgitating stuff i’ve told myself or have learned from others? i want to be free to discover and create the world and reality as i desire. i don’t want to be attached to any one particular viewpoint, except that which i decide, and only for as long as i decide to keep it.
just before i typed the last i watched myself typing it part, i was slowing down to think about that for a moment and then heard my the water for my tea starting to boil. i went over there and turned it off before the tea kettle started to whistle and as i poured the water into my cup, it was the perfect amount. i didn’t think about how much i needed, i just poured some water out of the container of water and into the tea kettle, turned on the stove and what came out was enough water to fill the mug up to the top. that’s how i want to live life, by feeling. not by thinking or analysis. yes thinking and analysis and the mind can come in handy for certain calculations or when creating a program on the computer or something but it can’t be what runs one’s life. too much thinking and analysis will hold you back from fully living life. and life really happens outside of the mind. life happens in feeling, in experience.
i want to live a fearless life of experience and feeling. i’m not saying i want to dive into all sorts of things that people might do to attempt to overcome fears. what i mean is that i want to live a life of peace, without the fears that the mind creates. yes if there is some sort of danger present, the mind or body or spirit will acknowledge it to let me know to avoid it, or to not even take me in the direction of it. but what i’m really looking at is the way the mind can interpret reality and create unnecessary fears by its own viewpoints. i want to be liberated of all of those. i feel free from most of them. and i feel myself becoming even more free. last tuesday my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me anymore as he’s re-evaluating his business. we’ve been back and forth on this a number of times. and i’ve done a lot of work for him that i really was not paid fairly for. though it feels good to be free from all the chaos and stress that occur in his business. he’s living too much from the mind and needing to control things and really it feels like its going about business how many companies have done for their own benefit and success rather than for a greater cause or purpose. it felt like there was some of that purpose at some points though i think the mind and fear has taken over. anyhow without getting into all of that, i was not afraid when he told me that. perhaps its because i had faced a greater fear before that. near the end of last summer, he told me the same thing and changed how i was getting paid and before that he was suggesting things were going to be changing in the company. at that time i was very low on money and i didn’t know what i was going to do. i had given all of my savings to him for his trucking company. so as you can imagine i was in a bit of a tricky situation. i was also feeling a bit down as i had just gotten back from chicagoland and there was a girl i was interested in up there and i felt like i didn’t want to be down here, especially in the hottest time of the year. i was thinking of different things to do, such as getting a cheap truck and taking my camper up there. and the mind was creating even more fears when it was trying to figure everything out. it was struggling with how to survive without tons of money. how to minimize much i spent, etc. and in doing so, i found out that i could save money on car insurance as i hadn’t driven that much and it was almost time for the first year’s renewal. so i ended up not being able to drive much or at all for a few weeks just to get the low mileage discount which they didn’t even check when the year came. all that time i felt trapped at home. and i didn’t have an internet connection when i first got back and it took me a little while to get it because i was waiting as i didn’t know if i was going to be getting a truck and going on the road, and then i had decided to order a modem before signing up for service so i could save on the monthly rental fee. so i was stuck and trapped at home with nothing to do. or i perceived it as such. it was too hot to go biking unless it was the very beginning or end of the day. and i don’t remember, but probably some or possibly many days, i didn’t feel like doing so. i was just sitting at home resisting what i was feeling and i think i finally made it through after a short while. i remember going to honeymoon island a few days after the year of low mileage was over and i was blessed to see the beautiful transformation that had occurred at the beach. the beach was widened a lot. it was huge. before it barely existed. it was so beautiful. and i think i got there the afternoon after they finished it. as the track marks were very clear on the sand and there were barely any footprints on it. it was pristine and beautiful and just created and untouched. it was symbolic of my freedom in no longer being tied to being stuck at home. so i went off on a bit of a tangent of what i had experienced and created for myself at the end of last summer. i think part of all of that is what has led me to be unafraid now when i my friend told me he can’t afford to pay me. i did get paid back everything that i loaned to him for the trucking company at the end of last year so i have some in savings which certainly helps, but i can’t live off of just that with no income as it will run out. i feel fearless about the situation, and perhaps part of it is because i feel free and no longer tied to the energies or drama involved with his whole company. i’m not sure what’s coming next though i welcome and embrace the unknown.
as i wrote last night, i’ve been thinking of getting a van and converting it into a small rv. even before all of this happened, i had thoughts about selling the condo and living from the road. i look at what do i do here all day and the more i let go the more i feel that i don’t need the space. yes there are some obvious benefits to having a home such as plenty of running water and not having to look for a place to park every night, though there are also some things i don’t like, such as the view from my balcony being the parking lot and the times i hear noise from the neighbors or whatnot. most of the time its quite nice and peaceful though i still ponder how much it costs to stay here and if its what i really want. i am grateful it doesn’t cost a whole lot though i think part of it is looking at the situation i’m in in having a mortgage and an auto payment. i don’t like feeling like i owe money to anyone. i want to be free of that. i don’t like having to pay interest on money i borrowed just to simply exist and experience life here. i see all of the corruption in corporations and banks and don’t want to participate in that system. life, society, the economy, and the world could look very different. i know it will. i see great changes coming and beginning to happen already. more people are becoming aware of what’s been happening lately and aren’t going to take it anymore. even some companies are starting to make subtle changes it seems. those that survive will be the ones that change with the people, as the collective consciousness changes. the world can be very beautiful. we won’t have to work to do something we don’t want to do just to earn money to buy things we don’t need and pay interest on debts we don’t want. as consciousness evolves, everyone will start to see clearly what’s been happening in the world. everyone will see that society has programmed them to think we need to purchase things, either to be healthy or to be happy or to be important or to matter at all. it’s all one huge system that’s been at play for quite a long time. if you stop to look at what really makes you happy, is it the possession of any of your things? is it having a really nice home that’s decorated or full of all of these things? is it having an expensive car? or multiple ones? stop for a moment and look at what so many define as success. would having all of that money really matter? so many people chase after this dream but it’s never enough. when they get that car, that home, that toy, etc, they may enjoy it briefly though it grows old quickly. sometimes very quickly. i’ve been there. so many times in my photography, i’ve thought of a new technique and it would feel like that is the one. when i do that one, then i won’t need to do anything else. sometimes the technique involved purchasing equipment. sometimes it involved researching and developing something unique that had never been done before. though when i did it, after a little while it didn’t feel like it mattered so much anymore. perhaps its different than the whole consumeristic drive of needing to have the latest gadgets and always upgrade. i’ve seen so many people always get the latest and greatest. and while i would research and see what was the newest technology, i wouldn’t always get the latest one. i would determine if its something i needed and if it was really best. though the whole system makes it hard to do so as things are marketed and pushed as being something you need. so many people think they need the latest smartphones, tablets, smartwatches, etc, etc. and so many people do it because the marketing is telling them they need it. or because they feel they need to keep up with everyone else. fortunately, i was never caught up in the needing to keep up or compete with others. sometimes i may have felt some of that energy due to being around other people that felt that, but most of the time i was free from it. look at all of these examples of how people look for things outside of themselves to feel better or enjoy life. look at how it no longer serves them. use these as a metaphor for your own journey as well. in your own life, in your own personal growth, spiritual awareness, etc, don’t go looking for the answers outside of yourself. look for the answers within. listen to your heart. your true guidance and intuition come directly from the divine, your higher self, god, the universe, the light, whatever you want to call that place where it comes from. this place is within you, or you may see it in a different place than yourself, though it’s not in the external physical world. and its definitely not in the mass media or the marketing or the social drive to need more and more.
go within. listen to that higher calling. there you will find your purpose. and your purpose might be to do something in particular in life, or it might be to change how you perceive life and take that perception and shift and perspective to everything you do in your life. as we let go of these burdens, these old things we no longer need, these old beliefs that no longer serve us, these fears that get in the way, these inhibitions of any kind, we become free. we become free to live life more fully in the present moment. we can experience the beauty in every day. we can truly feel and live life. we’ll know by our own intuition and guidance what to do in life. we won’t have to worry about trying to figure things out and making ends meet. a higher power will take care of all of that for us. yes we can choose to create our world and reality or we can choose to allow the divine to create it for us.
so where was i going with all of that? i’m looking at freedom in different ways. to be free is to simply be. to be free of all the constraints of life. i recall when i first moved to chicago having the thought come to me of needing to let go all constraints no matter what they were even if it was letting go of everyone and everything i had known at that point. shortly thereafter, my journey took a shift and all the pieces that unfolded over the years brought me to where i am today.
back to the idea of the van and the condo. i look at all of these things i have, not that there are tons, but there are and were a number. i see how many of them i don’t use any more and they just take up space. it’s not that my place is filled and overflowing with junk but even if something is sitting in a drawer or container and its not being used, its still taking up space. not just physical space but mental space. its taking up attention to some degree. even if its forgot. it feels more free to have less especially of the stuff we don’t need. it feels freer to have more space to be able to live lightly or to choose to create certain things should i so desire. i look at how much photography equipment i’ve had over the years. and how much was only used for specific purposes. and once those projects or techniques were over, the gear just sat there waiting to maybe be used one day when i wanted to explore that technique again. most of the time it wouldnt happen very often or at all. i’m glad equipment has become smaller and lighter and even small simple action cameras can do so much now with built in time-lapse features, waterproofness, long exposure capabilities, and whatnot. so much of these elements used to require so much physical gear. now one small piece of equipment can do most of it simply with software. i see so many things in the world becoming virtual and simpler. its part of a whole underlying trend towards simplification and minimalization. we no longer need tons of physical stuff to do simple things. just look at how much a smartphone can do. some people no longer use computers. some people never have had a computer and have been able to do much more than older computers could do with a device that fits in their pocket. look at how technology has progressed and how it has integrated and combined various aspects into a single aspect. this is the underlying message. simplify, integrate, combine aspects of life together, release what’s no longer needed, and be free.
okay so still attempting to go back to the van and condo. so in looking at all of these things we might accumulate that we don’t need, let’s also look at what do we actually do at home. i’ll look at my life as an example. most of the time i’m home when i’m not asleep i’m on the computer. a computer is something that could be simplified or minimized by using a laptop rather than a desktop computer, especially now with models existing that can be charged off of usb car chargers. usb charging alone is one great example of simplification and integration of technology. in the past all of that gear i wrote about would require its own charger. those alone could take up so much space. in my truck camper, i had a whole spot next to my power inverter just for charging batteries with the various chargers for the various types of cameras. it was something i really didn’t like having to deal with if not necessary. i’m glad that now, most cameras and devices can be charged off of one type of port. yes the cables may vary between then, but they all can plug into the same universal port and there are plenty of chargers and battery packs and devices to work with it and it doesn’t require a/c adapters and power inverters when in an rv, car, or traveling lightly. even some mirrorless interchangeable lens cameras be charged off of usb. this alone almost led me to sell one of mine and upgrade though i looked at if i would really use the new camera that much and ended up getting a wireless sd card for my old one instead so i could get the images off of it to post immediately and then stopped using that shortly thereafter as i changed my approach on photography. okay, so i’m getting into a lot details and tangents, though look at how technology has simplified. all of these aspects of life that are changing, evolving, or transforming are metaphors and examples for us to do the same. we change our perspectives, our beliefs, heal aspects of life that could improve, etc, and we’ll do the same.
okay so really getting back to the van and the condo. so what else do i do at the condo? i sleep. i eat. i use the bathroom. i do laundry. and i store things. that’s pretty much it. the more things i no longer need, the less space i need to keep them. a bed, a kitchen, and a bathroom all could fit inside of a vehicle. laundry even could. yes there’s more space in a home though in a larger camper or bus or whatnot there’d be plenty of space. some rv’s are as big as a small apartment! there are a couple things i couldn’t easily have in a van, such as my gong, though i haven’t used it much and i’m sure i could keep it with family or friends or find a new home for it. part of me wonders if i’d miss it or want it if i didn’t have it right there, though i could get a smaller one or just record myself playing it and have it to listen to later if i really wanted to. sometimes the letting go and parting process isn’t easy. these things have energy and memories attached to them. though it gets easier to let go as we continue on. a lot of things i can simply take a picture of and save the picture digitally on my hard drives and then always look at them later if i ever wanted to remember the thing. my hard drives are another thing that i wouldn’t be able to bring though i could find a place to keep them. years ago i remember thinking i could lose everything except my data and still be okay. at this point, i’ve become more unattached to my data. yes it’d still be nice to keep it though perhaps it would be freeing to just erase it all and let go. even to shut down my website or delete the older stuff. i’m not going to do that just yet. i’ve been back and forth about it. i see that some of the stuff on there, even if it was from when i wasnt feeling as good in the past, is still valuable and could tell a story. but ultimately what we need to let go of is our story. we must transform and change what no longer serves us. its all in our consciousness and we simply must experience it fully to take ownership of it and then stop creating it. we no longer need to play back the old re-runs of life that no longer exist anywhere but in our minds. back to letting go of the data and the hard drives. everything keeps getting physically smaller though able to store more data. i wouldn’t carry the full size drives with me if i were to live out of a van or traveling. i would get something smaller or use cloud based technology or just remotely access the drives. most of whats on them i don’t need to access regularly anyhow. i think that maybe i’d want to work on old photos and videos that i never got around to doing. i could either take a little bit of them with me at a time or just work on them now before getting a van and living on the road, if thats the route i choose to go. i’ve to complete a time-lapse later today or tomorrow. it’ll feel good to have another one done just to say its done and not have to think about it anymore. yes it’ll be nice to see what it looks like and hopefully it inspires someone else though more so it feels free just to be done and let it go. that’s what i’m really talking about with letting go of things in consciousness or even physical things. its saying you’re done with them and no longer being attached. you could even have some physical things though in not being attached to needing them then they no longer control you and drain you of your energy or overwhelm you. i would recommend not having tons of things because even if you’re unattached to needing them, they still would require certain maintenance or cleaning or upkeep that will take up your time and energy. what i’m talking about is what makes you feel free, however feels right to you. if its completely letting go of everything and not just writing a new chapter in life but writing a new volume, then do so. it can be quite liberating. though it needn’t be that extreme. you can make the changes over time. and feel a little lighter and more free every day or every week. as you let go of more and more. instead of thinking what else can i get, gain, or accumulate, shift your perspective to what else can i let go of? what else do i no longer need to be carrying around with me, whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally, etc?
At 74, and coming the end of his scientific and broadcasting career, David Suzuki mused on the notion: “If I had one last lecture to give, what would I say?” The result is a very special talk full of humour, warmth, insight and passion.
At a packed house at the Perth Convention Centre, Suzuki voiced his long-time frustration at the obsession for economic growth at the sacrifice of nature, while urging us all to strive for a sustainable future.
David Suzuki was born in Vancouver, Canada in 1936. He has had a long and prolific career as a scientist, environmentalist, broadcaster and author. His scientific field is genetics, but he is best known for his television and radio programs that examine and explain the natural sciences, including “The Secret of Life” and “A Planet for the Taking.”
Suzuki has won many awards for his work including the 2009 Honorary “Right Livelihood Award.” He has written over 48 books, his latest being “The Legacy: An Elder’s Vision for Our Sustainable Future”, on which the lecture he is delivering is based.
you can apply the elements of your life that you already love and that really work for you to anything. at first it may not seem like what you’re doing is about what you’re wanting or looking for. but from a greater perspective you will realize it’s all perfectly aligned. all the pieces are already in place. and they always have been, all along every step of the way
Dada Gunamuktananda: Yogi and Meditation Teacher
Bio: Dada Gunamuktananda has trained in meditation, yoga and natural health sciences in Australia, the Philippines and India. He has been a meditation teacher of Ananda Marga since 1995 and has taught and lectured on meditation in New Zealand, Australia, Europe, the Middle East, and the Far East.
Title: Consciousness : The Final Frontier
Synopsis: The exploration of inner space, our own consciousness, is ultimately connected to our discovery of outer space. Just as the world becomes a smaller place with increase in communication and transport technology, so the universe becomes a smaller place with the increase in meditation technology!
exploring who i am and what i’m looking for
(a few incomplete lists.. i started typing this and was going to explore this much more in depth though never finished)
going for walks in nature or by the water
exploring new places
going on adventures around town
travel, near or far
funny movies or something well produced with meaning, feeling, or a good plot
watching life unfold in miraculous ways
being free of the constraints of society
being free of the conditioned mind
seeing technological development in ways beneficial to the world
the beautiful light at sunrise or sunset
connecting with others
i’m interested in:
the awakening of humanity
letting go of any burdens to living a simple, peaceful, fun life
i like girls who:
are nice, sweet, loving, caring
aren’t attached to lots of external things
don’t wear lots of (or any) makeup nor feel the need to dress up just to get attention from others
are height/weight proportionate or thin
are pretty, cute, or naturally beautiful
have similar or compatible interests or perspectives on life
prefer a simple life though still like to have fun
since i returned home from Chicago last summer, i’ve been going to the weekly Satsang at the Flowering Heart Center in Clearwater. i highly recommend it for anyone who wants to grow spiritually or deepen their connection with higher awareness. it’s beautiful to gather as a community with others on similar paths too. at the satsang, there is a meditation, time for sharing of experiences or discussion, and we give and receive the Flowering Heart Blessing. here’s a link to the center’s website: floweringheart.org
Michael and Suzanne of the Flowering Heart Center also host a weekly webcast where they share the Flowering Heart Open-Eye Light Transmission. here’s a recent one I just watched that was really good: livestream.com/michaelmilner/events/4829454
for anyone interested in how to create the “little planet” look in time-lapse videos, see the posts at this link for various details regarding the technique and concept: