Yes, that delightful topic. Today, look at all areas of your life where you have started something but haven’t finished it. Just start by counting them (a quick estimate will suffice). You’ll begin to notice there are a lot of little things or projects you want to do. What you may not realize is how much of your free attention each one of these projects sitting in limbo is really draining you of.
A couple days ago, I had so much going on in my mind it seemed that I couldn’t enjoy the present moment. I discovered a new spot in Tampa not far from where I used to travel practically every day. I had no idea it was there.. it was a pretty interesting park, a nice spot right on the bay where you could see the Howard Franklin Bridge and Courtney Campbell Causeway.. anyhow, enough of the irreleveant details.. the point being is that I was out exploring and discovering though not fully able to enjoy the moment. I decided to drive to Clearwater Beach.. I though that’d be a better spot; it’d be a little breezier on the gulf. I biked around and it was okay though I still wasn’t enjoying it fully. I spent some time sitting on the beach for a while, and in being there, it was a bit meditative (although I wasn’t trying to meditate and was actually probably resisting being present!). I had grabbed a notebook to jot down a few things (yes, I’ll put those on here at some point whenever I go grab it out of the camper). I had some thoughts though they weren’t really what I wanted to write about. I felt I had a bit going on in my mind.. I just started to make side notes of some of the things I was thinking about that I wanted to do. They really were pretty minor things/projects, though they were consuming so much of my attention that I couldn’t really feel what I did want to write. As I began to jot them down and let them go, I slowly started to feel calmer. Words started to flow to me and after a while, I began to feel more energized to pursue some of my goals and begin some of my projects.
I had felt so drained and overwhelmed with seemingly so much burden, yet it wasn’t really a whole lot in there that was stopping me from feeling. I guess you reach your capacity and that’s where ya don’t know what to do, or it’s subtle and ya aren’t too aware of what’s happening though you know you just don’t feel good. It was a minor depression or disconnection almost. Or perhaps a sense of being lost.. having so many directions yet not knowing what to choose.
As I write this, I realize I am not fully present. I’m rushed for time, I feel. I have to go take care of an errand though want to write something meaningful at the same time. Though it doesn’t feel like it did when I was feeling alive with the words flowing through me. Note to self: always be prepare to record at that moment if that’s what you intend to do, otherwise let it go.
Perhaps this whole thing is a note to self:
Finish your unfinished business or let it go [retire]!
It’s not worth holding on to it. The ideas that might actualize are not really worth all the attention it takes to hold them if you’re not gonna do anything about them for a while. Write them down somewhere. Make that bucket list. [just don't store them in your mind, it'll overflow!] Let them go to allow space for the creative juices to always flow. Everything is perfect in the moment. Don’t try to change it too much with the mind. I just lost where that was going, but it’s all okay.
I was realizing earlier how exciting it feels to actually be making progress on my projects/goals/ideas/etc. Although it’s nothing major, it feels exciting. I think that exciting feeling is exactly what I’m talking about here. It’s in letting go these things, knowing they’re almost done, that I’m freeing attention. [Am I attached to outcome??] I realize in the past in getting projects or art done, it’s felt good because it was a freeing of attention. [Or does attention stay on what's being created until it's done and discreated??]
I’ve seemed to have been more interested in the discreation rather than the creation. It’s so freeing to have all the creative energy and free attention ready for what’s next to create. Though I suppose I have a little fear of having too much attention freed.. what would I do?? what if I couldn’t think of anything to do, or ideas weren’t coming to me?? I’m sure they would, though who or what would I be without the definition?
Alright, time to wrap this up.. the original idea/concept is long gone.. I’m not sure that it was ever even here. I think I got on the wrong train! Oh well, some interesting thoughts here. Perhaps it will resonate with someone and it’ll be exactly what they needed to hear. That’s an interesting concept too.. who am I writing this for?
Everything is self-expression. Everything is communication. It is all communication with the self. As there only is one self [if you step back far enough]. So these are all notes to self. Yes, the little self. But also from one part of the Self to another part of the Self, so the Self may know itself.